Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
AlphaLess
Posts: 715
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 11:38 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by AlphaLess » Sat Oct 13, 2018 8:48 pm

mmmodem wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:43 pm
I literally spent the night before my wedding sleeping in the car when her family traveled from southern CA. I still remember my mom scolding me when we visited once and I woke up early to buy her an egg sandwich for breakfast. I told her it was $3.50 and she couldn't believe I wasted that kind of money. She can make the same sandwich for $1. She told me to never buy her a sandwich again, just give her the money, instead.
My advice to you: stop living life for your parents.
Start living life for yourself.

TropikThunder
Posts: 1030
Joined: Sun Apr 03, 2016 5:41 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by TropikThunder » Sat Oct 13, 2018 8:58 pm

texasdiver wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 1:11 pm
If it were me, I'd look at row houses where you could convert the basement into an AirBnB guest suite and then just block out the dates for when your parents come to visit. As your kids get a bit older, put them to work maintaining the AirBnB. It would be a nice little educational job for a middle school/high school student to learn to be a host. My daughters would probably be into it and I would do it myself if our HOA allowed that sort of thing. Put the earnings into their college funds or something.

The other advantage to this approach is that you will have a ready made studio apartment for when one of the kids boomerangs or can't otherwise afford to live in the area down the road a decade from now. Could be a LOT LOT cheaper than having to help them pay for housing in the NYC area when they are in college or grad school or just starting out.

You have the luxury of being able to really take your time and find the exact right opportunity.
I think this is the best option. As others have noted, your current equity rolled into the row house gives you a $500k morgage, which is quite doable on $320k income. Even not counting the bonus, thats still barely 2x annual income of $240. I love the idea of AirBnB'ing out the basement and reserving it for the parent's use for when they visit. If it's anywhere near your current neighborhood, bonus. The commute (and loss of daddy-daughter time) will kill your husband's spirit I'm afraid. :(

Ron Ronnerson
Posts: 933
Joined: Sat Oct 26, 2013 6:53 pm
Location: Bay Area

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by Ron Ronnerson » Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:12 pm

Your current situation seems too cramped to me. Four people in a two-bedroom condo seems too tight. Add family visits, and it seems like way too much. Also, your kids are growing older. They will need a quiet place to study and do homework in the years ahead. I think it’s great your parents visit often and get to see their grandkids so much. Don’t put them in a hotel. Like you said, they’d likely visit much less often and that would be a shame. The bond between grandparents and their grandkids is very special. It is priceless.

If the schools are good where you are, I’d stay in your current neighborhood. If they are not, I’d look into moving. I don’t think your husband should sign up for a long, soul-crushing commute for many years to come if it is avoidable. He would hardly ever see his family and, in my opinion, that is no way to live. In fact, if possible, he should consider working less to spend even more time with you and your young children. He will never get these years back and the kids will get older and older. If it means he will make somewhat less money if he were to work less, I’d happily accept that tradeoff. Of course, it may not be possible for him to reduce his hours. If it is, I’d seriously look at that.

Based on your description, your husband seems to have tunnel vision when it comes to paying off the mortgage. What’s the big deal if it takes a few years longer to pay off the house if you can actually live in a home that can accommodate all the people that occupy it? Assuming the schools are good where you currently live, I’d personally stay in your neighborhood and buy a practical home that suits your needs. Life is about balance. Your present self shouldn’t have to be (too) uncomfortable so that your future self can live lavishly. Save a good amount so that you can meet your long-term goals and then spend the rest if it will improve your quality of life. That's my view, anyhow.

peseta
Posts: 65
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2015 11:40 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by peseta » Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:25 pm

How about a Murphy bed in the living room for your parents? They even have ones with integrated sofas: https://resourcefurniture.com/product-c ... bed-sofas/

peseta

Nissanzx1
Posts: 255
Joined: Wed Jul 18, 2018 11:13 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by Nissanzx1 » Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:42 pm

It seems like you are trying to justify a bigger place. Fact is, you don't need a bigger place. I'd be staying right where you are. The parents visit, make due or get them a hotel. You husband is right, mortgage needs to go. Stick with him. You have a good one there.

mnnice
Posts: 345
Joined: Sat Aug 11, 2012 5:48 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by mnnice » Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:54 pm

kelvan80 wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 3:57 pm
Can you go to a hotel when they come or an air b n b?
Exactly, they are doing you a favor since you get some private time with your spouse. :wink:

We briefly lived in a small house in a tiny town. Both my parents and in-laws stayed in the bed and breakfast down the street. Neither side was income constrained and it was literally a couple doors down. Everyone thought it was fun. Once I paid for for us all to eat breakfast at the Inn. The couple that ran it became friends. Obviously lodging in NYC is more spendy. No Asian cultural norms in play either.

TDCumm16
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2007 11:46 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by TDCumm16 » Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:33 pm

Easy... get out of NYC

Move closer to your parents in midwest. Take your $700k equity and buy a $500k 2500-3500 sqft home in cash with nice large yard and 4 bedrooms in a good school district. Set aside the other $200k to have your kids college funded

No mortgage, college is paid off.., your massive pay cut won’t matter. If your are doing in 350 in NYC I’m sure the two of you could find jobs to net $200k/yr easy. At the point savings just need to build up your retirement

ResearchMed
Posts: 7218
Joined: Fri Dec 26, 2008 11:25 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by ResearchMed » Sat Oct 13, 2018 10:45 pm

I'll take a different approach about the "move to a lower COL area" thinking.

If you really enjoy living in Big Expensive City (it needn't be NYC; there are a handful of others, although nothing quite matches the Big Apple!), then don't cavalierly consider leaving. And it sounds like that is not really on your list of possibilities.

It may be that a lower paying/different job would comfortably suffice elsewhere, perhaps even with a much larger house, and possibly also great schools.
But IF living in NYC is "your thing", I'd think very long and hard about changing that, especially if moving away burns bridges (e.g., that special, unique job that DH now has, etc.).

We both moved (separately) many decades ago to another HCOL area. There were opportunities to move elsewhere, and... in most cases, the pay wouldn't have been significantly less, but the COL certainly would have been!
But "here" is where we are happiest, and each of us has lived in other places, including brief stints overseas.

If you are *happy* living there... that is very precious.

But yes, look for the right 3BR place, even if it's a small one. That extra space and, importantly, separation will make a huge difference with your families visiting. And it sounds like you'd enjoy the somewhat larger space anyway.
Or the suggested place with a garden level apartment, used as an AirBnB (although those can be far more work and less profit than some imagine, and there's always the chance of a bad rental).

See if DH can think ahead with whatever savings/investments are projected with a bit more spent on a mortgage, but make sure he recognizes that the 3BR home will also be worth more in the future than the 2BR home.

Quality of life is critical.
A long, tiring commute, and time missed with children growing up...? Not so good, especially if you both are missing "the city".

RM
This signature is a placebo. You are in the control group.

User avatar
Lieutenant.Columbo
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2015 9:20 pm
Location: Los Angeles CA

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by Lieutenant.Columbo » Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:22 pm

MJS wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 1:53 pm
Invest $200-500 in a 2-hour interior designer consultation. Experts see not-obvious-to-us solutions that could save lots of aggravation and thousands of dollars
peseta wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 9:25 pm
How about a Murphy bed in the living room for your parents?
200%
First thing I thought is, "have OP + DH considered turning their 2B into a 3Bedroom, or into a 2B+wall bed?".

wall bed examples: one, two and three.
Lt. Columbo: Well, what do you know. Here I am talking with some of the smartest people in the world, and I didn't even notice!

harrychan
Posts: 1412
Joined: Sun Nov 14, 2010 9:37 pm
Location: Pasadena

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by harrychan » Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:49 pm

I used the exact same reasoning to buy a brand new SUV with 3rd row seat. I used the justification that had to drive the in laws around and we needed a 7 seater. In the 3 years I owned the SUV, we used the 3rd row exactly 4 times.

Put them in a nearby Airbnb or hotel.
This is not legal or certified financial advice but you know that already.

SoAnyway
Posts: 168
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:49 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by SoAnyway » Sun Oct 14, 2018 12:22 am

Paging KlangFool re. the 2 quoted posts below....

In the meantime, OP: Your thread title says it all. I'm not going to get in-between you and your husband; your marital argument is between the two of you. I am simply observing without taking sides, since I've not heard his pov, and you're of course presenting "curated" info in the light most favorable to the outcome you desire.

I "get" the cultural aspects, and I "get" that you're tired of the adaptations dictated by cultural norms. BTDT - It's not easy, but just imagine what your and DH's elders went through so that you could even be in a position to be posting about this issue. Please be grateful.... Bottom line: Putting the parents/in-laws in a hotel or otherwise "signalling" that their visits are any kind of burden on you (even if they are) is off the table.

It sounds like you're happy with the educational situation for your kids in your current locale/neighborhood, so I will assume that's the case and move on. You presented your situation as if there are only 3 options. I would encourage you and your husband to put aside "who wins" based on how you've framed it. Instead, please focus not on the limitations but on the possibilities. Many great suggestions have been made in this thread. I wish you and your family the best. BTW, I agree with Nissanzx1 that "It seems like you are trying to justify a bigger place." If you and your husband drop the need to get what you each want, and instead focus on thinking about ways to make sure the needs (not "wants" - "needs") of your entire family (elders/yourselves/your kids) are addressed, I'm quite confident that the two of you are smart enough to find the right solution. Good luck!
Myamar wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:06 am
Long time lurker, first time poster. Curious what some of you would do in our situation--spouse and I want to go two different directions.

We live in a very HCOL area. Real Estate here is about 900/sq ft, give or take depending on building amenities. We live in the NYC area, in an urban walkable neighborhood, in a condo building with parking, but not a "full service building" with doorman, etc. We have two kids, 4 and 7.

So here's the question: We bought a small 2 bedroom condo in 2013, and now we are growing out of it. But we can't agree on our next step. We love our neighborhood and we love being close to my husband's job. We both work full time but he works longer hours so being close to his job means he gets some time at home with our kids that he wouldn't get if we moved to the suburbs and his 25 minute commute turned into a 1 hour, 25 min commute. His job is pretty specialized and doesn't really exist outside of the NYC area--he would have to switch gears entirely and do something else if we moved to another state, which would result in an enormous pay cut (he keeps his eyes open on jobs because we have only lived in the NYC area for 7 years and would be okay with moving somewhere else if the right job/right salary came along--so far it has not).

He takes public transport to work. I drive (because I drive further out to the suburbs), so we have 1 garaged parking space and 1 car.

Here are our housing options:

1)Stay in our 2 bedroom condo. It's worth about $950k now, and we only owe $200k left and my husband is aggressively paying it down (that's his thing--it has to do with his very chaotic childhood. He wants nothing in this world more than to have a paid off house--we've already gone round and round about that). Staying in our 2 bedroom is great financially speaking, because our mortgage is way lower than market rental costs since we refinanced last year. Our mortgage plus HOA plus taxes are only 3.1k. Market rental costs are around 4k for a rental like our unit. The con is, both of our parents live in other places (his parents are in another country, mine are in the midwest), and they are all retired and love to visit. Which means they visit and squeeze into our small space. We are close to our parents and love for them to visit, but we hate that our kids sleep is disrupted because their bedroom is taken over for a week, several times a year. We also have no storage, almost no closet space, a tiny kitchen, the works. BUT--my husband commute is very short for the NYC area, so he gets to do school drop off in the morning, he's always home before bedtime. etc. We don't have to drive--everything is walkable and is feels healthy to walk the kids to school, walk to activities and the supermarket, etc.


2) Move to the suburbs. Taxes in the NJ/NY suburbs of NYC have exorbitant taxes and the ones with good schools are extremely expensive right now. If we sold our condo and bought a 4 bedroom house, it would definitely be in the 900-1 million + range, and would have taxes from anywhere from 20k-30k a year. The houses in the smaller range (say, a 1800 sq ft house that needs some work) would still be in the 700-800k range with taxes around 18-20k, depending on the town. Husband's commute would be much longer (he'd have to leave around 7:15 am and wouldn't be home till around 8pm,) essentially never being home when the kids are awake during the week. We would either live in a smaller, needs work house OR we could buy a bigger nicer house but for a much higher monthly payment than we have now. We would have more space, but less time when Dad and kids are together.

3) stay in our neighborhood and really stretch our house budget and get a bigger condo. A 3 bedroom with parking will be 1.2-1.5 million (HOA plus taxes). Or we could look for a row house where we could rent the finished basement, but the price would be more like 1.7-1.9 million (higher taxes, but no HOA).



Here's a snapshot of our finances.


yearly income: 320k this year. 240k base, 80k bonus last January

Monthly income: 11k, take home. This is after 401k, some small investments, 529, healthcare premiums/contributions

Overall savings/investments. I have 2 pensions from 2 different states (I work in education). My current pension will be vested in 3 years. Husband has about 375k in 401ks and old Roths and regular IRAs. We have about another 75-100k in other investments. We can't do Roth anymore and haven't done IRAs last few years since they aren't tax sheltered. 529s only have about 12k because we just started them last year. We plan to dump another 5-7k in January 2019 when the next bonus comes. If we sold the house today, we'd have about 700k for a downpayment on the next thing. We're down to 1 college loan of 4k balance we are also paying off after January bonus cycle (we throw huge sums into it every year from bonus money).

-current mortgage/HOA/taxes: 3.1k
-Childcare: $1400/month (after school babysitter)
-gas/auto insurance: $250/month
-variable expenses (groceries, clothes, fun, eating out, travel): 2k (bulk of this is travel because our families live far away, and we pay for them to fly to visit us as they are retired and on fixed incomes).
-Classes/activities for kids: $400/month (language class and dance class for 2 girls, soccer for only older kid--classes are very expensive here, it's not like the cheap prices people get in other states).


When we have money left at the end of the month, husband dumps it into an additional house fund or dumps it into vanguard funds. For the past few years, we have paid an additional 30-50k a year into the house through additional monthly payments and a big chunk from bonus money.



Here's the argument: I want to stay in our current neighborhood, buy a 3 bedroom, tweak our finances to make that bigger mortgage work.
Husband wants to either stay in our current 2 bedroom indefinitely (at least till it's paid off, approx 4-5 years from now). Our kids will be teens/pre-teens by then and still sharing a room...OR he wants to move to the suburbs and buy a small house that needs work in the 700-800k range and pay cash. His preference is to always do the most frugal thing. My preference is to find a way to meet our savings goals (we have always maxed our 401 k and invested additional every year and would continue to do so) and still have my husband home to see our kids during the week.

WWYD? I would love input from other people.
Myamar wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 1:53 pm
Other questions people have asked: why do we let our parents stay with us? Well, we are 1st gen Asian immigrants (me as a kid, husband as a teen) with parents who lived in near poverty to save to send us to college. In Asian culture, it’s a grave insult to ask elderly parents to stay somewhere else. On top of that, even in my more Americanized value system it doesn’t seem right to ask our parents to pay—they are all in their 70s on fixed incomes in low COL areas so $1500 usdfor a week in a hotel 3 times a year is not something they could afford. We would have to give up our yearly vacation for us to afford it, or give up paying extra into loans. Between our parents and siblings, we have had 6 visits this year, all from 4-7 days long. I am pretty sure they would stop visiting even if we paid for a hotel—all of our parents are still very frugal and would rather not see us than have us spend a lot of money on them.

As it is, we can only pay for their flights if we tell them they are saving us money on babysitters when they come—which is a lie, because we have to pay our part time nanny the same agreed-on weekly amount whether we use her or not. But it’s part of Asian face-saving culture. We know they want to visit and see our kids, so we say please let us buy you a ticket—you being here is so much cheaper than paying our sitter. And then we pay both.

But to be clear—we don’t mind because our parents worked hard and never spent on themselves to get us where we are today. My mother literally never worked a day in her life till they moved to the US, and my dad could not use his degrees and got a telemarketing job, so my mom got a job working for minimum wage at a supermarket—where she worked for something like $7/hour for 15 years until retirement—purely so she could get SS and not be a burden on us in retirement.

So this type of thing is something we feel we owe our parents.

Hope that makes sense.
Last edited by SoAnyway on Sun Oct 14, 2018 12:54 am, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
Watty
Posts: 14116
Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 3:55 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by Watty » Sun Oct 14, 2018 12:30 am

Myamar wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:06 am
We are close to our parents and love for them to visit, but we hate that our kids sleep is disrupted because their bedroom is taken over for a week, several times a year.
When the parents are visiting could the kids or your parents sleep in your room and then you and you husband could sleep in the living room on some sort of temporary bed?
Myamar wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:06 am
....we have only lived in the NYC area for 7 years...
The last ten years have been very turbulent especially in some industries. One thing to consider is how stable your jobs are and if it is likely for one of you to lose their job.

Even if you keep your jobs the bonus might be cut or eliminated so when looking at other properties I would not include the bonus in deciding if you can afford it or not.

I don't really see an easy solution.

Moving to the suburbs with a long commute would be brutal, and when people say that there commute takes a certain amount of time that is usually the time on a good day, but there will often be days when the commute is not so good or outright horrible.
Myamar wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:06 am
We have two kids, 4 and 7.
One thing to also consider is what your situation might look like when your kids are in their 20's or older.

It was a long time ago but when I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, which has always been expensive, was that some of my older coworkers had kids that were still living at home well into their 20's. For them this was not a cultural choice, it was because their kids did not have high paying jobs and could not afford an apartment even with roommates. This was often not a good situation for them.

When they are older and maybe even married and have kids of their own I have a hard time seeing how they might be able to afford to live near you in NYC or in the expensive suburbs of NYC. Moving to a less expensive area might also make things work better when your kids are grown up.
Myamar wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 7:06 am
His job is pretty specialized and doesn't really exist outside of the NYC area--he would have to switch gears entirely and do something else if we moved to another state, which would result in an enormous pay cut (he keeps his eyes open on jobs because we have only lived in the NYC area for 7 years and would be okay with moving somewhere else if the right job/right salary came along--so far it has not).
Saying "he keeps eyes open on jobs" that does not sound very aggressive. It sounds like moving to a lower cost of living area would solve a lot of problems so it might be time for him to look a lot more aggressively when you pension vests in another three years. That way you might be able to move when your oldest kid is 10 and they have time to get established in the new area before they start middle school.

In addition to housing being expensive where you are at I would assume that you are also paying a lot in taxes. If you could find jobs in a lower tax area where you could buy a nice home for $700K I would suspect that your disposable income could go up a lot even if your gross pay is a lot less in some other city.

One thing I would also look at is how much it would cost to rent a three bedroom condo like you are considering for the next three years. It might look like a large number but you would have your home equity invested in something else and compared to paying the mortage on a more expensive condo renting could be competitive.

User avatar
unclescrooge
Posts: 2474
Joined: Thu Jun 07, 2012 7:00 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by unclescrooge » Sun Oct 14, 2018 12:43 am

Stay in the same neighborhood, but rent a larger place.

Rent out your house. When the kids move out, you can move back.

User avatar
celia
Posts: 8359
Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2008 6:32 am
Location: SoCal

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by celia » Sun Oct 14, 2018 3:22 am

I would stay put but look at your condo with a different perspective. I assume you value education as your parents did for you. So you likely want your daughters to do the best they can in school, too. To do that, especially as they reach high school age, they need to have a consistent place to sleep and to study and a place for their clothes. They need to sleep and study in the same place they usually do when you have guests--no moving them elsewhere.

My first idea is to limit guests to times when there isn't any school. That leaves summers, holidays, spring break. This will allow everyone to stay up late, sleep in, go to local activities, change the routines. School won't be impacted.

My second idea is to get a murphy bed for the guests and the girls can sleep in bunk beds with desks and dressers underneath their beds. Google "bunk bed over desk". Some colleges use this setup and put 2 or 3 students in the same dorm room. Sometimes the furniture can be arranged in different configurations which gives your family more flexibility. If your bedroom is larger than theirs, maybe the girls and guests can use the larger bedroom and you move to the smaller room. Or put the murphy bed in the family/living room where it will be folded up much of the time. That might even be better so it doesn't disturb the kids. (Have you ever tried to study while someone was snoring? By high school, the kids will probably stay up later than the adults to finish their schoolwork.)

To help this plan, the four of you should identify what kind of storage you are missing. Some storage areas can store two kinds of things, such as summer vs winter clothes. You could put the out-of-season clothes in storage in the garage. Do you need more kitchen storage for food, cooking utensils (and small appliances), cleaning supplies? Or do you need storage for bathroom supplies? Toys/games/books? Outdoor activities? I like the idea of having a designer come in to give you ideas for this. Also go visit some open houses to see what other people do for storage, especially in your building!

Lastly, keep in mind that things will get more crowded as the girls get older, especially if they have friends over. But in 12 to 15 years, they will start to leave home for college or be on their own. At that time, some of your guests may not be able to travel very much. So some of the crowding will go down at that time.

carguyny
Posts: 315
Joined: Mon Aug 08, 2016 4:56 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by carguyny » Sun Oct 14, 2018 5:14 am

Not clear you've included NYC taxes in your analysis, they're about $11,800/year for you. Moving to the suburbs is more likely going to cost you a lot less and improve school quality and quality of life. The NYC schools generally aren't very good.

Don't be worried about commute time, I take a train 35 minutes each morning and back and it's very civilized and has become reading time. Very different experience vs the subway when we lived in Manhattan. I would much rather 60 minutes on the MTA vs 15 minutes on the subway. I used to have a 5 minute walk, but now instead of being in the office earlier I'm reading more.

As others have mentioned, $310k/year with kids in NYC is very very tough.

Leemiller
Posts: 1049
Joined: Sat Jun 01, 2013 12:42 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by Leemiller » Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:11 am

Seems to me that there should be more options in the NYC metro area. I would not get a 700-800k fixer upper. We fixed up a house and it is a huge time and money commitment. You are pushing the boundaries of what is affordable for your family with some of these options and I think you will have a very hard during the next downturn when bonuses are impacted. I would try to find a three bedroom in another part of the city or perhaps over the bridge to commute from. Maybe a townhouse.

Are you incomes stable or increasing? Maybe this can also be revisited in a year or two. Maybe you both need to aggressively look for jobs where you can make more to make this work.

staythecourse
Posts: 6002
Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:40 am

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by staythecourse » Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:27 am

Don't have an answer (if there is a such thing with this type of question) but some answers to the following questions may help come to some answers...

Did I miss what the plan with the kid's elementary, middle, and high schooleducation will be if you stayed? Public or private. If it is the former how safe and good is it? If it is the former did you add those costs into the financial balance sheet?

What is your long term vision? Do you see yourselves being urbanites in NYC for the next 20 years? Do you see the kids growing up in the city itself through high school?

What are the goals housing long term? Are both of you okay being in a 2 bedroom condo forever? Any interest in being in a house at sometime in the future?

What are your husband's look term job plans? Does he love this niche field he is in and wants to do it forever? Is he just doing it because that is what he has been doing up to this point?

If it was me I would not be interested in raising kids in a shoebox in the city UNLESS you are really taking advantage of the cultural advantages of the city, i.e. going to the museum AT LEAST once per week for example. That, of course, is just me.

Good luck.
"The stock market [fluctuation], therefore, is noise. A giant distraction from the business of investing.” | -Jack Bogle

metacritic
Posts: 301
Joined: Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:58 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by metacritic » Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:46 am

Not sure it's true in NYC. My take -- not based on rigorous analytics -- is that a third bedroom in premium Brooklyn jumped the price by roughly 7 figures over a two bedroom. We moved to a Rivertown based on what we encountered.

OP, have you looked at Queens or other boroughs that might offer a compromise between space, commute time, and cost?


TxAg wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 4:10 pm
You owe $200k on a place worth $950k. Sell and take the $750k and apply it to the larger $1.2M place. That should be feasible on your current income. That keeps the commute similar and you get the extra room.

Dave55
Posts: 368
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:51 pm
Location: Colorado

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by Dave55 » Sun Oct 14, 2018 8:47 am

Having grown up in a suburb of NYC, lived in NYC for several years, traveled to NYC for decades on business, I would not live in the city or anywhere near it. I was also fortunate to live in many cities and some rural places around the US, and you can get much more for your money housing wise elsewhere, and improve the quality of your life (short commute, low traffic, low crime, friendly people, etc. in many other locations as has been pointed out by others here). However, if you are unable to relocate to another part of the country due to husbands job, then for sure, upsize your housing. Why suffer and be cramped when you can be comfortable in a larger home?

Dave

KlangFool
Posts: 10190
Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2008 12:35 pm

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by KlangFool » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:13 am

OP,

Some random thoughts:

1) If it is not possible to put the grandparents into the hotel, why don't

A) You and your husband check into a hotel or AirBnB?

B) Or, the whole family plus the grandparent check into an AirBNB?

2) Rent a 3 bedroom condo for 3 more years make a lot more sense too.

<< so $1500 usdfor a week in a hotel 3 times a year is not something they could afford. We would have to give up our yearly vacation for us to afford it, >>

3) But, paying for a bigger mortgage or renting a 3 bedroom condo present the same problem too.

4) Sorry to say this. Somehow, I do not see financially that you are doing well. If your husband loses his job and cannot find an equivalent job in NYC, you definitely have to sell the house and move elsewhere. Under this condition, I would not buy a bigger place.

Yes, I understand that you may want to stay at this location for 3 years to get your pension vested. But, in the long run, financially, your household does not make enough to stay at this location. You are "House Poor" asset wise. And, you are one job loss from forcing to move away from this location.

This is a bigger picture question that you need to answer before you overcommit on a bigger condo. Answer this question first before you go further.

KlangFool

ThatGuy
Posts: 846
Joined: Fri Feb 05, 2010 9:00 am

Re: Weigh in on our Marital Argument =)-- HCOL edition

Post by ThatGuy » Sun Oct 14, 2018 11:29 am

kelvan80 wrote:
Sat Oct 13, 2018 3:57 pm
Can you go to a hotel when they come or an air b n b?
The logical extension of this is for ALL of you to airbnb when the parents come to visit. It's cheaper to rent a larger space for the small percentage of time you need it than to buy the extra space 100% of the time. And it gets around your parents not wanting to be apart.

Instead of thinking of it as uprooting your life when the 'rents come to visit, think of it as a local vacation :)
Work is the curse of the drinking class - Oscar Wilde

Post Reply