Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

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boxerbali
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Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by boxerbali » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am

Net Asset (include primary residence ) : 1 to 1.2 million
excluding primary residence it is ~ 800 k
in mid 30s.

Came from very poor family, my dad's paycheck was about $125 in 2003-2004 ( yes you are reading it right).
Now it looks like I have made a good progress, but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Anyone else has felt that, what is wrong here ?

minimalistmarc
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by minimalistmarc » Sun Nov 19, 2017 4:09 am

I think the feeling is normal, I have it too.

I suppose there are different levels of financial independance.

Something like:
1) Frugal FI
2) Normal Fi
3) Spend whatever you want and never have to think about money again FI

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JoMoney
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by JoMoney » Sun Nov 19, 2017 4:24 am

Plenty of broke happy people, so happiness isn't about money.
Having money brings new things to worry about, but I have to admit it's better than worrying about how you're going to pay the rent (although I know people with no money who don't 'worry' about that either and somehow manage).
You didn't tell us anything about what your expenses/financial needs are, so no idea how financially independent you are... but if you didn't earn another dime $800,000 is $16,000 a year for 50 years which is probably about what the average annual social security check is, and there are people who get by (sort of) on that... but it really doesn't matter where you are in life, all of us can be better than we are, but having more money doesn't necessarily make us better.
"To achieve satisfactory investment results is easier than most people realize; to achieve superior results is harder than it looks." - Benjamin Graham

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oldcomputerguy
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by oldcomputerguy » Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:54 am

JoMoney wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 4:24 am
all of us can be better than we are, but having more money doesn't necessarily make us better.
Indeed.
"I’ve come around to this: If you’re dumb, surround yourself with smart people; and if you’re smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you." (Aaron Sorkin)

runner3081
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by runner3081 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:55 am

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am
but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Because you feel something is lacking in life or because you compare to the other Bogleheads?

Comparing yourself to anyone on this board can either lead to motivation or depression. Many of the people on here have been very fortunate and done extremely well for themselves - many outliers compared to the rest of society.

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TomatoTomahto
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by TomatoTomahto » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:16 am

runner3081 wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:55 am
boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am
but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Because you feel something is lacking in life or because you compare to the other Bogleheads?

Comparing yourself to anyone on this board can either lead to motivation or depression. Many of the people on here have been very fortunate and done extremely well for themselves - many outliers compared to the rest of society.
At 30, I was a new father and had a NW of around $0 (unless you count human capital). Now, DW and I, in our 60s, have a NW around 8 digits. No lottery wins, no massive options grants in a startup, and a total inheritance of $11k, in a high tax state, so pretty much all earned.

Eyes on the prize, bud.

ETA: Staythecourse’s excellent post made me rethink my post. We are more than half way through putting 4 wonderful kids through college, and watching them turn into wonderful adults. What a lucky life.
Last edited by TomatoTomahto on Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
Okay, I get it; I won't be political or controversial. The Earth is flat.

basspond
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by basspond » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:33 am

If it was easy more people would be rich and our society wouldn't have a drug issue. This is the time of instant gratification, people want a pill to loose weight, be buff, ease their pain and worries, change their emotion, sleep better, sex more, and a get rich quick scheme. Hang in there it takes time, perseverance, hard work, and patience. My net worth was peanuts around 30 but 20+ years later I am enjoying the fruits of my labor.

grettman
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by grettman » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:35 am

You might feel the way I do. While you have done well, it probably isn't anywhere close to where you need to be. You probably still have a long road a head of you. Some times I get down looking at far I have left to go. But it is important to look back and see how far you have come. I cam from a broke home (living in a mobile home park, single mother, low end government worker).... My views about money are pretty intense. I never let my guard down and I don't seem "happy" until I see how far I have come... Good luck.

njay73
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by njay73 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:41 am

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am

Anyone else has felt that, what is wrong here ?
I think this is normal feeling for most. I am going through same dilemema ( I've similar background as yours, in my late 40, with 2M plus net-worth). For me, knowing who I am, what are my needs, what I want, what are my core values, decides what makes me happy. Those might help you to decide what FI really means to you.
Does hiking, biking, camping makes you happy or having latest Leonardo in you house that will make you happy.

staythecourse
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by staythecourse » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:55 am

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am
Net Asset (include primary residence ) : 1 to 1.2 million
excluding primary residence it is ~ 800 k
in mid 30s.

Came from very poor family, my dad's paycheck was about $125 in 2003-2004 ( yes you are reading it right).
Now it looks like I have made a good progress, but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Anyone else has felt that, what is wrong here ?
I think you need some time to think about your life and what happiness means. I was like you thinking money would make a difference in my happiness, but after a certain point it doesn't add any extra happiness. I hit the 7 digit marker on a liquid basis a bit younger then you are. What I learned is it did not add ANY extra happiness to my life that I already had.

My question to you is what makes you happy? Do you have a spouse? Do you have kids? Do you have meaningful relationship with friends in your life? Are you fulfilled with the work you do at work? Do you like the people you work with? Do you have hobbies or causes that you are passionate about? I've learned over time happiness does NOT come from my bank account, but the relationship I have with those around me and/ or how passionate I am about what I do with my time at work and in my personal life. Also, I have learned attaining happiness as an adult seems to be the HARDEST thing to accomplish in life. When I was a kid waiting the whole month to buy a 50c comic book made me so happy each month. Now, as an adult, it is quite the effort to find happiness. Luckily for me, it is usually fulfilled by spending time with my wife and kids. Happiness has NOTHING to do with the digits in your bank account. After the fact, it was pretty childish to think so.

Good luck.
"The stock market [fluctuation], therefore, is noise. A giant distraction from the business of investing.” | -Jack Bogle

lostdog
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by lostdog » Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:10 am

You probably need to evaluate what would bring you contentment. Are you comparing yourself to others? What kind of lifestyle do you have? Maybe take some time to ponder yourself for awhile.
VT, BNDW and chill.

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corn18
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by corn18 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:20 am

I have enough money to be happy, but I keep chasing more (I am also running from poverty). I love my job. But some days I hope I get called into the boss's office and told I am no longer necessary. Just to force me to stop chasing more. Even if only for a while.
Don't do something, just stand there!

remomnyc
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by remomnyc » Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:31 am

At 30 I had negative net worth (student loan debt), but I had a close group of friends I saw regularly and a job enjoyed with people I enjoyed working with, plus I was phenomenally fit. I had no money and never worried about it, and I could hardly have been happier. Fast forward 20 years with more money than I ever imagined, all my friends moved, a job I despise, and constantly worrying about how the kids will compete, and I am so far from that happy 30-year old.

Money is not happiness. I think for me, happiness is spending time doing things I enjoy and surrounding myself with people I love. Find a job or activities you enjoy and spend as much time as you can with family and friends. Don't forget to exercise. Finally, I agree with others that you can't compare yourself to others who have so much more. Comparison is indeed the thief of joy.

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Sandtrap
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by Sandtrap » Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:56 am

Those encountering wealth with humble roots tend to go either of 2 paths. Spend and waste as if entitled, and always miserable because there's never enough. Or, appreciate the intrinsic value of every dollar earned, and somewhat haunted by the insecurity of its transience, thus needing more.
I suspect your feelings would be the same if you had 5 million.
j :D
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NYCguy
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by NYCguy » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:01 am

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am
Net Asset (include primary residence ) : 1 to 1.2 million
excluding primary residence it is ~ 800 k
in mid 30s.

Came from very poor family, my dad's paycheck was about $125 in 2003-2004 ( yes you are reading it right).
Now it looks like I have made a good progress, but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Anyone else has felt that, what is wrong here ?
You’re doing fantastic and your feelings are completely normal. Compared to the vast majority of Americans you are doing great. You are also sophisticated enough to recognize that $1 million portfolio generates approximately $40,000 per year before taxes. That may or may not equate to financial independence based on your lifestyle but for many of us it is not.

Hopefully you can take some comfort from the proposition that you are very well-positioned for a bright financial future for you and your kids. As someone who came from broke parents too, that does not bring happiness but did give me a certain level of comfort. I find that level of comfort is but one ingredient to happiness. Studies show the other ingredients include belonging to a community, good family relations, and close friends.

Hopefully you can take some satisfaction in your financial success and are happy to carry-on.
If your out-go is greater than your income, your upkeep will be your DOWNFALL.

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beyou
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by beyou » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:09 am

Remember the power of compounding. A good NW in your 30s can lead to a great NW in your 50s.
Save and invest for the next 20 years and you will be fine.
As long as you earn enough to pay your current bills and can save for the future, the NW will grow and allow you to retire.

If you have reasons other than eventual retirement to measure/compare your NW, what are they ?
You left people guessing/assuming that you equate NW and happiness.

Dottie57
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by Dottie57 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:16 am

At almost 61 I have 1.3 m. Get over it. Enjoy knowing you are doing really well.

Old Guy
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by Old Guy » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:23 am

For heaven's sake have some fun. Your 30s are a great age. Soon the aches and pains will come.

KlangFool
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by KlangFool » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:29 am

OP,

1) It depends on your annual expense. You have 800K and if your annual expense is 40K, you are doing great. If your annual expense is 200K, you are not doing as well.

2) At this net worth level, it all comes down to the house. If you have a 400K house, you are doing great. If you have a 2 million dollar house, you need to hope that your income stays at the current level for a fair amount of time.

KlangFool

H-Town
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by H-Town » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:36 am

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am
Net Asset (include primary residence ) : 1 to 1.2 million
excluding primary residence it is ~ 800 k
in mid 30s.

Came from very poor family, my dad's paycheck was about $125 in 2003-2004 ( yes you are reading it right).
Now it looks like I have made a good progress, but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Anyone else has felt that, what is wrong here ?
I know people who live paycheck to paycheck and are still happy. You are doing it wrong if you're not happy, even though you have $1 million in the bank. Figure out what makes you happy first. Maybe making $10 million?

oilrig
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by oilrig » Sun Nov 19, 2017 12:29 pm

I think certain people like you and I are wired differently. The need to always want more, to achieve greatness, the drive, the competitiveness, to have more money than 99% of the population. Do you think guys like Mark Cuban, Elon Musk, Michael Jordan would have been happy with a 1MM net worth at age 30, 3 fund portfolio, a small conservative house in the burbs, and living a normal average life? NO.

I grew up poor like yourself, and ever since I was little I dreamed of being rich and being able to afford the things for myself that my mom couldn't give me. Also, I want a better life for my kids. This drive has served me well in life, I have a chip on my shoulder and Im always hustling even though I make a solid income at my full time job.

I dont think we will ever be happy unless we have a 10MM+ portfolio. This may not be a bad thing in my opinion.

flyingaway
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by flyingaway » Sun Nov 19, 2017 1:06 pm

oilrig wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 12:29 pm
I think certain people like you and I are wired differently. The need to always want more, to achieve greatness, the drive, the competitiveness, to have more money than 99% of the population. Do you think guys like Mark Cuban, Elon Musk, Michael Jordan would have been happy with a 1MM net worth at age 30, 3 fund portfolio, a small conservative house in the burbs, and living a normal average life? NO.

I grew up poor like yourself, and ever since I was little I dreamed of being rich and being able to afford the things for myself that my mom couldn't give me. Also, I want a better life for my kids. This drive has served me well in life, I have a chip on my shoulder and Im always hustling even though I make a solid income at my full time job.

I dont think we will ever be happy unless we have a 10MM+ portfolio. This may not be a bad thing in my opinion.
When you are 60 years old, you may have a different idea.

hightower
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by hightower » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:06 pm

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am
Net Asset (include primary residence ) : 1 to 1.2 million
excluding primary residence it is ~ 800 k
in mid 30s.

Came from very poor family, my dad's paycheck was about $125 in 2003-2004 ( yes you are reading it right).
Now it looks like I have made a good progress, but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Anyone else has felt that, what is wrong here ?
What do you mean "net asset" What are your debts? How much do you spend annually? How much do you make annually?

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Taylor Larimore
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"Enough" by Jack Bogle

Post by Taylor Larimore » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:34 pm

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:48 am
Net Asset (include primary residence ) : 1 to 1.2 million
excluding primary residence it is ~ 800 k
in mid 30s.

Came from very poor family, my dad's paycheck was about $125 in 2003-2004 ( yes you are reading it right).
Now it looks like I have made a good progress, but still not happy with my progress and do not feel any financially independence.
Anyone else has felt that, what is wrong here ?
boxerbali:

May I suggest that you read John Bogle's: "Enough."

Best wishes.
Taylor
"Simplicity is the master key to financial success." -- Jack Bogle

Lonestarz
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by Lonestarz » Sun Nov 19, 2017 4:25 pm

My savings is like a side hobby to my life. Kids, spouse, family, and friends are the real rewards in life.

My savings targets will allow me to do the things I enjoy rather than spend time at work. Money itself is not the goal

J295
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by J295 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 4:37 pm

We are FI now ... we will probably remain that way, but the future isn't guaranteed .....

We were content before FI, and remain even more so now (honestly, for us it is easier to be FI than not).

Part of our short IPS ... Philippians 4:12 (and if Christianity is not your faith tradition, or you have none, you will find many similar concepts throughout other religious traditions and other non-religious thinkers).

Best of luck.

Topic Author
boxerbali
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by boxerbali » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:02 pm

hightower wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:06 pm
What do you mean "net asset" What are your debts? How much do you spend annually? How much do you make annually?
We have 0 debt except home loan ~ 220K left with low interest rate, We spend about 85K and make 300K before taxes.

Topic Author
boxerbali
Posts: 87
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Re: "Enough" by Jack Bogle

Post by boxerbali » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:02 pm

Taylor Larimore wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:34 pm

May I suggest that you read John Bogle's: "Enough."

Best wishes.
Taylor
Thanks Tyler, I will give that book a read.

Topic Author
boxerbali
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by boxerbali » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:03 pm

Dottie57 wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:16 am
At almost 61 I have 1.3 m. Get over it. Enjoy knowing you are doing really well.
Thanks buddy

Topic Author
boxerbali
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by boxerbali » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:04 pm

KlangFool wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:29 am
OP,

1) It depends on your annual expense. You have 800K and if your annual expense is 40K, you are doing great. If your annual expense is 200K, you are not doing as well.

2) At this net worth level, it all comes down to the house. If you have a 400K house, you are doing great. If you have a 2 million dollar house, you need to hope that your income stays at the current level for a fair amount of time.

KlangFool
We spend about 85K year and have 300K income before taxes .We live in moderate house

KlangFool
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by KlangFool » Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:07 pm

boxerbali wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 8:04 pm
KlangFool wrote:
Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:29 am
OP,

1) It depends on your annual expense. You have 800K and if your annual expense is 40K, you are doing great. If your annual expense is 200K, you are not doing as well.

2) At this net worth level, it all comes down to the house. If you have a 400K house, you are doing great. If you have a 2 million dollar house, you need to hope that your income stays at the current level for a fair amount of time.

KlangFool
We spend about 85K year and have 300K income before taxes .We live in moderate house
boxerbali,

What is your annual savings?

At 800K and 85K of annual expense, you are not close to FI yet.

KlangFool

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arcticpineapplecorp.
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by arcticpineapplecorp. » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:06 pm

I believe it's called "money vigilance" which can mean a couple of different things. Sometimes someone might be secretive of finances or others might be wary of spending money. Probably comes from early experiences as you think with your family's finances. Some of us may have become overly cautious because of what we learned, heard, saw growing up. When we didn't have a lot of financial security, we may not feel secure even though we are, or are in much better shape than what we grew up with. Sometimes we repeat bad habits/attitudes and other times, it's reversal. Either way, we're acting in ways because of the attitudes we inherited from our families. Good news is, you can always dislaim an inheritance. :happy

Some common attitudes about money:

Money avoidance (believing money is bad or you don’t deserve it)
Money worship (believing an increase in money or a windfall will solve your problems)
Money Status (tying your self worth to your net worth)
Money Vigilance (secretive about finances and overly wary of spending)
"May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live" -- Irish Blessing | "Invest we must" -- Jack Bogle

raamakoti
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by raamakoti » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:19 pm

You are doing great, don't want to sound preachy but "if you don't know what makes you happy, no amount of money can bring you happiness"
I am 43, house 424k with 25% ownership rest in mortgage. Net worth all accounts combined 630k.
Gross income - 220k
expenses - 50k a year.
savings - 47k (18+18+5.5+5.5) both 401k and both Roth
both cars paid off. zero debt on credit cards or other forms of debt.
Hide and seek with kids, reading books, watch fun movies together, eating ice-cream with kids. Time spent with friends and family. There are so many things to feel happy about and be thankful to lord for blessing us this way.

Contentment is the seed that grows into a giant tree of happiness.

LuckBeALady
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by LuckBeALady » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:52 pm

"Life is pervaded by unsatisfactoriness."

(one of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism)

Pacman
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by Pacman » Sun Nov 19, 2017 10:58 pm

OP - I'm a bit younger but on target to be in a similar position at your age, and have similar feelings. For me, I think the feelings stem from a couple areas: 1) I feel like I could be way ahead of where I am if I truly hustled and worked harder; I certainly don't feel like I am giving it all that I got and it frustrates me (i.e. feelings of guilt when I am not being productive). 2) When I started making financial targets, it was almost as if the work it would take to get there became a grind and a necessary evil to achieve my goals.

heyyou
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by heyyou » Mon Nov 20, 2017 2:00 am

Read about money and happiness, Elizabeth Dunn is one of the authors. It is your perceptions, not your net worth, that shape your feelings. Lack of money is a problem, but more than adequate money does not necessarily bring more happiness. Ask any miser/hoarder.

When the first John D. Rockefeller (worth $20 million in the 1920s) was ask "how much is enough" he replied "just a little bit more." He would give a dime to a hungry man on the street in New York City, not a dollar that equaled a day's labor, just a dime. How happy was he about his wealth?

heybro
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by heybro » Mon Nov 20, 2017 2:38 am

Let me ask you, what did you feel when you were growing up and you saw your dad's paycheck was that amount? If you don't mind, I would suggest you spend some time with your own experiences and thoughts and explore, for yourself, what money means to you? Does it mean you will feel safe if you have money? Does it mean you won't have fear if you have money? Does it mean you won't be excluded (other kids got to have x y and z and you did not), etc.

Then, if you can, try to explore what a good relationship with money would be.

I will tell you that if you are looking for money to feel safe, it won't entirely be able to give you that feeling. It can make you feel safer up to a point but it won't ever be able to guarantee safety. After-all, anyone can still get hurt or have something bad happen that not even money can fix. If it is fear you are facing, then how can you have that need met in ways other than money? Cultivate more relationships or more trust with someone, etc.

Whatever the emotion or way you are thinking about money, really explore it.

It takes so long to get money that we often 'kick the can down the road' when it comes to actually facing these feelings or emotions that we actually need to have met because we delay having them actually met by believing 'when i get X amount of money,' I'll have that need met.

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Top99%
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by Top99% » Mon Nov 20, 2017 9:22 am

First of all congratulations and your net assets are more than OK. There is lots of great advice on this thread already. While you may not be completely FI yet you are definitely free to do any of:
1) Ratcheting down your savings rate and spending some money on experiences (travel, entertainment etc.)
2) If your current job satisfaction is low looking for a more satisfying lower paid job
To me freedom is the big benefit of FI/semi-FI and you have bought that at a pretty young age.
Adapt or perish

bo105954027
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Re: Why I am not happy even with OK Net Asset

Post by bo105954027 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 10:16 am

So many great advises here...

In my personal view/experience, whether one feels satisfied with his/her financial status (net worth) has nothing to do with his/her current real life financial status, but from his/her family-of-origin. If s/he grew up in such a family that his/her parents made little and kept struggling with money, worrying about money, and quarreling because of money, then no matter how wealthy s/he is now, s/he won't be satisfied and feels financially secure. On the other hand, if his/her family-of-origin was wealthy, or poor but never worried about it and felt content and happy, then his/her happiness will not depend on his/her money, either.

Don't blame yourself it's not your fault. There is few you can do to change it but accept it.
Time in market beats timing the market.

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