Expecting Twins-Advice?

[trumpet83]

My wife and I just found out she is pregnant with identical twins! Exciting, scary, shocked...all the feelings.

We already have a 17 month old daughter. Twins are due in early March. So, we would basically have two newborns and a 2 year old.

My question is whether people can share any advice for our situation...probably financial advice, but anything that would help is appreciated.

Current Financial Snapshot
Me: 18th year Teacher in Maryland, $105k, 40 yrs old
Her: Field Service Engineer, roughly 90k, job covers all transportation costs (she pays to cheaply lease vehicle but they cover gas, insurance, maintenance) 36 yrs old

403b = 160k
401k =40k
457b = 70k
Both Roths = 50k
Taxable = 5k
Cash = 20k
Cash out value of my pension = about 100k
House appraises about 350k

Liabilities =
Owe 114k @ 2.5% on house (13 years left on mortgage)
Truck = Owe 10k @ 2.35% (3 years left)

Savings Habits:
7% of my paycheck comes out to go to pension. My wife puts 17% of her pay toward 401k and they do have a match but I can't remember how high the percentage goes...definitely not 17 percent. I put 500 per pay towards my 457b and 250 toward my 403b. I max my Roth IRA each year and my wife is usually close. Usually have about 6k that gets saved in addition to that and either goes to bank or for big purchases like my truck or paving our driveway, etc.

My main concerns with twins on the way are:
1. I definitely need to increase my insurance. My wife and I both have 150k 20 year term policies that include rider for us being alive, but not able to work. We both also have a full year of our salary from work if something happened. Also have a whole life policy I've had since I was a kid that's at 24k coverage with about a 6k cash value. With one child these would previously have been enough to pay off house and have some left over, but of course 3 kids is a much different responsiblity to cover.
In the past I have had trouble with people just randomly throwing out "a million dollars" or really any number at all without knowing expenses. Regardless, I know I need to increase it significantly.

2. Child Care. My parents live next door and my mom literally walks across the yard to watch our daughter while my wife and I go to work. My mom loves to do this although she is 70 years old and we don't want to wear her out. We told her before we tried to have a second baby that it was ok if it was too much to watch two of them. Now that it's twins we think it's almost definitely going to be too much.
My wife really doesn't want to have to put our kids in daycare. Right now, her and my mom have talked about maybe just hiring someone to come in and work a few hours each day to give my mom a break or some configuration like that. My wife was going to feel out the potential of going part time at her company and whether that would be an option. She wants to be able to work to some capacity if possible, but the kids are her priority.

3. Home Size. This isn't an issue right away at all, but I wish someone would have told us we were going to have 3 kids when we built this house. We only have a Master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms. There are two bathrooms, so that's good, but when all three children want their own rooms I don't know what we'll do. My parents gifted the land where my house sits and my dad and I worked to build it 13 years ago (subcontracted a lot of things, but also did plenty of work ourselves). I wouldn't want to just move while my parents are still around. Luckily, they are both doing well and we would like to continue being neighbors and have them get to be so close to their grandkids.
I know I could eventually use have an addition built, but I have really enjoyed the fact that we owe so little on our home. I also like that my 30th year of teaching (the year I previously thought I'd retire) is the same year the mortgage gets paid off. I guess I should just give up on that pipe dream at this point anyway! I had just thought I could go and do something else at least, but if I still have a big mortgage number I probably wouldn't feel that same freedom.

Those are the main things that stand out to me. Thank you for reading and sharing any insight or things I have overlooked.

[uaeebs86]

All I know is you'll be switching defense from man-to-man to zone.

[sailaway]

Many twins never want their own rooms. Even if they want them, it is not abuse to make your kids share rooms. Now, some kid combinations are toxic, but you can cross that bridge if you ever come to it. With any luck, the eldest will be nearing college age by then. Just don't worry about the house size, it is not going to be a concern this decade.

As for insurance, is the whole life policy worth it or could you cash it in and use that cash to fund a few years of higher term insurance? Many people use a multiple of salary to determine levels. If you know what it would take to consider your family FI, you could ladder a couple of terms to achieve that goal.

For child care, you might want to go with a nanny that does at least as much, if not more, of the time as the grandparent.

[LocusCoeruleus]

Kids won’t start asking for their own rooms till much later, and your house is big enough for now. Growing up, we had a tiny apartment smaller than yours with fewer rooms and more kids. Grandma taking care of all the 3 kids every work day while mom and dad work may become tough especially twins and a two year old. If one parent stays home can one paycheck cover the bills? If you haven’t already, consider looking over recurring monthly expenses. For those of us on this board who grew up with limited means can attest, raising kids can be as expensive or inexpensive as one makes it. It’ll work out.

Consider 529 for the kiddos especially if your state offers a deduction.

[Stinky]

My wife and I just found out she is pregnant with identical twins! Exciting, scary, shocked...all the feelings.

We already have a 17 month old daughter. Twins are due in early March. So, we would basically have two newborns and a 2 year old.

Been there, done that.

Many years ago, we had fraternal twins when our son was 21 months old. So we had three kids under two.

Everything seemed to come in threes - three kids in diapers, three in high school, three in college at the same time (for three years). I described the college years as “the giant sucking sound of cash leaving our account”.

In many ways it was good. The three were friends, and they shared friendships with others. They were all in church youth group and high school band together.

What I mostly remember from the first year after the twins were born was the immense weariness that we felt. Our twins were healthy, but pretty small, and they didn’t sleep through the night for a long time - until they were almost a year old. The first year of their life was a real blur for us, because we were so darned tired.

My wife was a stay at home mom, and that was good. I can’t imagine going to back to work full time in that first six months to a year. Part time work would be great, along with help from grandma, grandpa, and maybe paid help too.

Don’t fret about your house now. Plan for bunk beds. Maybe in a decade or so you can think about a bigger house, but you’re fine for a long time to come.

Yes, you need more life insurance on both you and wife. Look into what the SS survivor benefits would be if one of you were to die, and then top up with maybe $500k-$1 million of 20 year term on both you and wife. Drop the current term when the new policies are in place, and ditch the whole life.

Congratulations on your expanding family!

[trumpet83]

I think if we dropped savings out we could live on one paycheck if it turned out to be necessary. A lot of extra stuff would have to go, but I think we could squeeze to get there if it really came down to that. It would bother me to not be saving...but it would just be for a few years. Hopefully, we can keep working and just pay for help in addition to my mom.

I could also increase side hustles if money was really the issue...I'm just thinking I will be needed around the house more than I will be needed to bring in more dollars.

Cashing in the Whole Life policy to pay for the Term is an interesting idea. I have paid the premium on the Whole Life each year as an adult because my mom was sentimental about it. She got that for me when I was a baby...lol So, for $199 I just pay it and tell her I still have it.

I really like the point about raising kids being as expensive or inexpensive as you make it.

As for 529's, I had felt that until I could max out my most flexible accounts I wouldn't want to have accounts that were so restricted. I'm also older, so by the time kids would be in college I would be old enough to use the money from my other accounts. I'd miss out on some tax advantages, but have maximum flexibility. Am I just not valuing the 529's highly enough?

[KESP]

Congratulations! My niece had twins and the parents on both sides really pitched in to help, especially the first year. She was a SAHM because she lived in the Boston area and it would have been like $900/week for daycare. I’m over 65 and I don’t think I could handle twins, much less twins and an older child as well. You said your parents live next door. Is your father able/willing to help? If not, I think you would need to hire someone to help your mother. Good luck!

[JT05]

Congratulations! My wife and I had boy/girl twins in 2014. When they were born, my oldest had just turned 3. It was a total surprise to us and even to this day I sometimes can’t believe it happened to us. As hard as it was for a while, it is such an amazing blessing. Occasionally I meet other twin parents and you’ll form a unique bond instantly with them. You’ll also find yourself in awe of any triplet parents you meet!

I agree with everything Stinky said. The first 6 months were exhausting. I felt like months 6-12 we started seeing the light a little, but the first year as a whole is very tiring. Definitely lean on your parents as much as you can. If possible, arrange 1-2 nights per month or so where you have grandma spend the night and handle any overnight issues so you and your wife can actually sleep all night. Have some bottles prepped if nursing or formula prepared.

A maid a couple times a month might help, if you aren’t using one. Same with a yard guy.

Our twins still sleep in the same room at age 9, and they are boy girl as I mentioned. They each have their own room but prefer this. Do not worry about house size at any point in the near to medium term. I love a lot about our house, but sometimes wish it were smaller to force us closer together. Embrace that.

Definitely up the term life. Still probably relatively cheap for you and your wife.

Don’t forget you and your wife are still a couple. Prioritize ways to spend time together, even if it’s just once a month or less.

Don’t be embarrassed to just drive around with the kids in the car seats. We did this a lot and if the kids fell asleep we just kept driving around. Some of the only time we had to just talk to each other.

Think about your vehicle situation. We had to jump from my wife driving a 4 runner to a suburban. You’ll definitely want to analyze how much space you need in that regard.

Keep us posted. You are about to embark on one of the greatest journeys imaginable. Don’t forget to enjoy it!

I just remembered one other thing. Don’t forget about the older child too (not that you would FORGET about them). But the twins take up a lot of your energy. Alternate with your wife on taking that kid out one on one and doing something fun while the other of you holds down the fort with the twins.

[Watty]

My question is whether people can share any advice for our situation...probably financial advice, but anything that would help is appreciated.

A couple of sort of random things;

1) One thing you might want to do is to set up a home equity line of credit while you have two incomes to qualify for it easier. If you have to do down to one income for a while then it might be harder to qualify for it. You would only want to actually use the HELOC for special situations but it might give you more flexibility if you ever need it. I don't know what the current HELOC options are like but maybe 10 years ago I was able to set up a no-cost HELOC at a credit union.

2) Don't worry about the number of bedrooms. There are some old threads about siblings sharing bedrooms and as long as they are the same gender and near in age people posted about the benefits of it and how as adults they were much closer to the sibling that they shared a bedroom with as kids. Through most of history few people had private bedroom. While it is not ideal it is often possible to put up temporary walls to split a bedroom in two if they each want their own smaller space. Depending on how the house is laid out you may also be able to convert the two kids bedrooms into three smaller bedrooms by taking out the wall between them then using the space for three bedrooms. When you want to sell the house you may want to convert the space back to two bedrooms again.
Kids will get used to however they live(within reason) so having individual bedrooms will likely be a bigger deal to you than to them.

[ScubaHogg]

Congrats!!

We didn’t have three, but we had two under two. It’s a bit much, but you will get through it!

My only financial advice is to get a lot, lot more life insurance (did I see you only have $150k). You’ve got four people, three very vulnerable, counting on you.

Sit down and write out exactly what you expect them to do if a drunk driver hits you tomorrow. How much money do you want them to have. Keep in mind your wife will almost certainly have to stop working for years because she’ll be raising three little ones basically alone. There’s college, retirement, and unknown unknowns (kids health problems, etc).

I’ve seen up close and personal what an underinsured parent death does as far as stress to the survivor. Don’t do that to the people you love most for the price of a dinner out a month

[maddogio]

Congrats. We were in a similar situation. Our oldest is now 15 and we have fraternal (b/g) twins who are 12.

I agree with you and others on the life insurance. I also wouldn't rush to think about bedroom space. We have a 12 and 15 year old sharing a 120sf room and it's fine. I think they actually like it. We added about 600sf to our house recently but didn't add a bedroom. It seemed to us a long-term solution to a minor and temporary problem. We are, admittedly, not bedroom people. With the way we live, bedrooms are for sleeping, changing clothes, and reading.

You might think a bit about transportation. Car seats and child gear take up a lot of space these days, and you'll have three in car seats for quite a while. For us, a van was the answer. Others like SUVs. I'd consider that carefully because you'll spend a lot of time getting kids into and out of cars.

Good luck and have fun. Our experience was that having twins wasn't twice as much work as having one. It was more like 1.8x as much.

Having gone through this once will help, as you'll have a well-developed sense of what matters and what doesn't. For us, it was important and useful to train the twins to be on the same schedule ASAP. They ate and napped at the same time almost always. It made things far more manageable.

[sjt]

Congrats on your growing family! As a parent of identical twins, it's been a lot of fun. Do you have a handle on your annual expenses? Have your salaries increased recently? Looking at your ages, salary, and balance of accounts, I would expect a higher total. Prominent (notorious?) member Klangfool recommends saving one year of expense every year (if you spend 80k in a calendar year, you should also save 80k in that same year).

We are 38 years old and our twins are 9 and still share a room. Neither has proposed "moving out" into their own room, but we'll see how long that lasts. I'm probably underinsured but have a higher amount saved - I would suggest sharpening the pencil and understanding / scrutinizing your annual expenses. Having parents help with childcare is nice, but at 70 years old I wonder how long that can continue. As you know, childcare is not cheap.

[radiowave]

OP, if you have a nursing school nearby, consider reaching out to the students to see if any would be willing to help out, especially in the first year after the twins are born. If a student has already had their pediatric clinical rotation, that would be a real help to you and your wife. Not sure what is the going rate to pay the student nurses. Even a few hours a day or overnight could be beneficial.

[Olemiss540]

Sleep training. Do it for your own sanity. Agree a 70YO is going to have a tough time with the twins alone, let alone a third 2YO. Consider how flexible your spouse is on FMLA after her maternity leave is out and/or a year off of work to get the oldest kid atleast into school age full time. Lots of options you can look into given your low fixed expenses.

Its a blessing but an exhausting one. Getting sleeping habits formed was our biggest obstical to sanity but 3 days of sleep training later they slept through the night...

[MrBobcat]

While we didn't have twins we had 3 under age 5, so I recommend the sleep training/habits. Step 2 was once the third child was born healthy I went to the urologist and got snipped, I was 27. We knew we didn't want anymore kids, worth every penny spent for the peace of mind.

[flarf]

When does the 17-month old start school?

I have four kids, including a set of twins, but they're spaced about 3 years apart. Each started at nursery school (9am-3pm) in the fall when they were age 2. It's a win/win; the kid in school gets to socialize and learn to play with others, and it takes some burden off the caregiver at home with the younger children.

Child care is the biggest line item that you need to get through. What do you do right now when Grandma isn't available to watch the daughter?

You mentioned paving your driveway. Are you in a remote area? Is it feasible to hire a (reliable) sitter?

On the insurance front, if you aren't already in pretty good shape, get there -- it'll reduce the premiums on a new policy and you'll need the stamina anyway.

[bombcar]

3 wide car seats: https://diono.com

3 and 4 strollers: https://zoebaby.com/collections/triples-quads

Minivan: Kia Carnival

[AlohaBill]

Dear trumpet 83,
Through no fault of my own, my wife had the audacity to have a child in 1981, twins in 1983 and a final prize winner in 1984. The first 3 were born in Hawaii. The twins were born right before we left for Saudi Arabia. The 4th son was a miracle birth. We had 4 kids in diapers. We used Pampers at the time. We were buying cases of Pampers. It was our biggest cost. I was making 12 bottles of milk every night. I was lucky cause I got to relax at work. From 1983 to 1989 our kids lived in Dhahran. Each year we traveled back to Hawaii and New Hampshire. It took about 33 hours to get to Hawaii by jet. I don’t know how we did that every year. It was a blur.
Our housing was free in Saudi Arabia , travel back to Hawaii each year was free and we had up to 4 months off in the summer time.
During that period my way wife let me have a hobby: investing. There was no internet available so I used Mutual Fund magazine, Kiplingers, and Grace Weinstein books. We were saving to buy a house and not for retirement.
In spring 1989 I left my family in Hawaii and went to look for a house in California. We bought a house in September w/o a job. It is 1527 sf. We paid off the mortgage in 1990. Now we were house rich., but my wife was happy.
You muddle through. Try to sleep. I found I had to help my wife when the twins came. I discovered I wasn’t that important as Mr. Excitement anymore. I was a father now. My wife took over. The boys came first and I was no longer the boyfriend. Soon I would lose my hair and gain weight. My new hobby was teaching my kids baseball and soccer. That was great. We were watching about 150 soccer matches and 150 baseball games a year. Cheap entertainment.

[Stinky]

Through no fault of my own, my wife had the audacity to have a child in 1981, twins in 1983 and a final prize winner in 1984.

I expect that you had at least some minimal involvement somewhere in the process……

Congratulations on surviving and thriving.

[AlohaBill]

Part 2
We raised our kids . My wife did most of the work. We switched roles: she worked full time as an elementary school teacher and I worked part time at UC Davis. I drove my kids to school and picked them up. I was picking them up in college too, sometimes.
We were able to save money in our IRA, Roth IRA , 403B, and taxable funds. Savings accelerated when the kids graduated from high school. I retired, for medical reasons, in 2006 and my wife retired in 2017 when her pension would no longer increase. I totally miscalculated how much we would have in retirement. I miscalculated what we would get from our social security and pensions and how much we would have in our savings. Our pensions and social security more than cover all our needs. We are able to save quite a bit each year now. My kids are going to inherit a nice chunk of change if we don’t blow it on senility.
Now let me tell you what you may have to look forward to in retirement. This year we are picking up our grandchildren 4 days a week. We are taking some to soccer practice. I thought I would hate it (I’m retired!), but I actually like it. I feel needed and helpful. I didn’t like the period my kids were in college as it was boring. Then they started bringing home girlfriends! Life got interesting again! Grandchildren magically appeared! Grandfathering took me by surprise. It is wonderful. (My grandkids like Popo better than me, but that’s okay.)
I know that my time is coming soon and that my wife will probably live a lot longer than me, but she has our family to fall back on and she is financially secure. We are very fortunate that we have stayed married for over 44 years. I can only wish you and your family a long and safe journey around the Sun. Time goes buy so quickly, so quickly.

[Katietsu]

My parents live next door and my mom literally walks across the yard to watch our daughter while my wife and I go to work.

Is your father capable of pitching in? My father rarely participated in care of his own children but happily watching nickelodeon and prepared lunch for his grandkids when my mother’s health failed. If Grandpa can contribute, it opens up more possibilities. Mom going part time, the older child attending pre school part time, a college student coming in part time, or whatever combination works best.

Lower your standards for everything that is not of highest priority for the next year or two. Less savings, less lawn mowing, less instagram ready moments. And one more vote for your current house being enough.

[BolderBoy]

OP, if you have a nursing school nearby, consider reaching out to the students to see if any would be willing to help out, especially in the first year after the twins are born. If a student has already had their pediatric clinical rotation, that would be a real help to you and your wife. Not sure what is the going rate to pay the student nurses. Even a few hours a day or overnight could be beneficial.

Brilliant suggestion!

[AlohaBill]

Stinky,
Did you ever watch Benny Hill?
Benny says something to his wife and ends his speech with: mother of nine! His wife comes back wife a speech ending in: father of two!
Something like that.
Just kidding. My sons have done much better than me. They have thick hair, don’t wear glasses and live close by.
Cheers!

[the_wiki]

3. Home Size. This isn't an issue right away at all, but I wish someone would have told us we were going to have 3 kids when we built this house. We only have a Master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms. There are two bathrooms, so that's good, but when all three children want their own rooms I don't know what we'll do.

Honestly twins of the same gender can share a bedroom for a long time. At least 12 years. Maybe even forever. Bunk beds take up the same floor space as a single bed. I wouldn't worry about that at all. When the time comes, it won't be an emergency and you'll have time to figure out what to do next.

[trumpet83]

It's comforting to hear votes of confidence for the house.

As to my dad helping, he is a double amputee. Gets around great and is very involved with my daughter, but certain things like changing diapers are extremely difficult with one arm. My mom does all that. As the kids get older he will be able to do more since they won't require assistance with absolutely everything.

Having more saved for what we make....my wife made about half what she currently does as of about 2 years ago. She had 50k of student loans and we worked very hard to pay them all off. During that time our investing was nothing like what we currently do. When we were building our house I was investing minimally and trying to cash flow as much as possible. Lastly, my pay jumped significantly in last handful of years after earning National Board Certification combined with major raises. In 2020 I was still under 80k. That was with my wife making about 45. In 2015 I was in the low 60's with my wife about 40.

Yearly expenses: Between us both I calculate this to right about 60-65k. However, this is with us basically doing everything we want. There are definitely things I'm including that we could cut if we needed to. For example, rather than argue about keeping the house clean we decided to have a maid come in every other week and we also paid to have her go over and do a room for my mom each time as a small thank you.

I called and got a quote on a 20 year term for 500k and one for 750k. That would mean that by the time you add our work death benefit plus the other 150k policy we'd be up to 750k or 1m depending on what we go with...both policies have the rider for if you are not able to work and include 20k to cover every child once they are 14 days old.

[pizzy]

First thing that comes to mind is a vasectomy.

The second is to say congratulations.

[cchrissyy]

My kids shared a bedroom all the way until.tje oldest went to college. It's fine.

Agree you need a lot more term life insurance.

Do both of you pay in to social security? If yes, log in, you will be glad to see the survivor benefits for spouse and minor children.

[Astronaut4]

Depending on a 70 year old grandmother for daily care of newborn twins and another young child is tragically unrealistic. Please, for everyone’s sake and health, make other childcare arrangements. Let the grandparents enjoy occasional visits and care when it is a treat for both sides. Even the most fit 70 year old woman I know could not physically handle this. And it sounds as if the grandfather requires help as well. Congrats on your new babies.

[Dave5280]

Sign up for Twins Magazine at Twinsmagazine.com

[cchrissyy]

Depending on a 70 year old grandmother for daily care of newborn twins and another young child is tragically unrealistic. Please, for everyone’s sake and health, make other childcare arrangements. Let the grandparents enjoy occasional visits and care when it is a treat for both sides.

+1

[trumpet83]

Depending on a 70 year old grandmother for daily care of newborn twins and another young child is tragically unrealistic. Please, for everyone’s sake and health, make other childcare arrangements. Let the grandparents enjoy occasional visits and care when it is a treat for both sides. Even the most fit 70 year old woman I know could not physically handle this. And it sounds as if the grandfather requires help as well. Congrats on your new babies.

I agree it's extreme.

However, my mom wants to watch her grandchildren and it's her driving force for taking care of herself...she wants to be able to do this. She was expecting to have a second baby to watch, but we're all blown away with the prospect of twins.

This is why we are most seriously pursuing the idea of getting her help...not totally taking her out of the loop somehow. She wants to build connections with her grandbabies more than she wants to do anything else. Occasionally, she'd like to go to a quilt show or something, but then we just take off work.

I get that the experience of most grandparents is more occasional and the idea of it being on everyone's schedule, but that's just never going to happen with us. We practically share the same property. If we go out to walk around the yard we run into each other. They gave us this land and intended this...and we accepted the land and intended this also.

I of course want the best for the health of my parents, so I just want to get my mom help rather than take it away.

As for my dad, I wouldn't say he needs help for himself. I just mean that there are aspects of caring or a little baby that are too hard to say that he's an option to leave alone with all these kids. He only got a handicapped tag about ten years ago...my whole life we never really thought of him as handicapped...he did everything. Worked full time my whole life. The summer after he got hurt he began commercial crabbing. Lot of drive. Some stuff took longer and I'm sure he was in more discomfort than he let on, but no I wouldn't say he needs help.

The main difference with them is that my mom's mission in life right now is to stay healthy to watch her grandchildren. My dad's favorite thing is to train his hunting dog for retriever tests. So, he leaves to go do that while my mom is happy to play with the baby and hold her for naps. That's a bigger difference between them than him missing any limbs in this case.

[yobyot]

My wife and I just found out she is pregnant with identical twins! Exciting, scary, shocked...all the feelings.

We already have a 17 month old daughter. Twins are due in early March. So, we would basically have two newborns and a 2 year old.

My question is whether people can share any advice for our situation...probably financial advice, but anything that would help is appreciated.

Current Financial Snapshot
Me: 18th year Teacher in Maryland, $105k, 40 yrs old
Her: Field Service Engineer, roughly 90k, job covers all transportation costs (she pays to cheaply lease vehicle but they cover gas, insurance, maintenance) 36 yrs old

403b = 160k
401k =40k
457b = 70k
Both Roths = 50k
Taxable = 5k
Cash = 20k
Cash out value of my pension = about 100k
House appraises about 350k

Liabilities =
Owe 114k @ 2.5% on house (13 years left on mortgage)
Truck = Owe 10k @ 2.35% (3 years left)

Savings Habits:
7% of my paycheck comes out to go to pension. My wife puts 17% of her pay toward 401k and they do have a match but I can't remember how high the percentage goes...definitely not 17 percent. I put 500 per pay towards my 457b and 250 toward my 403b. I max my Roth IRA each year and my wife is usually close. Usually have about 6k that gets saved in addition to that and either goes to bank or for big purchases like my truck or paving our driveway, etc.

My main concerns with twins on the way are:
1. I definitely need to increase my insurance. My wife and I both have 150k 20 year term policies that include rider for us being alive, but not able to work. We both also have a full year of our salary from work if something happened. Also have a whole life policy I've had since I was a kid that's at 24k coverage with about a 6k cash value. With one child these would previously have been enough to pay off house and have some left over, but of course 3 kids is a much different responsiblity to cover.
In the past I have had trouble with people just randomly throwing out "a million dollars" or really any number at all without knowing expenses. Regardless, I know I need to increase it significantly.

2. Child Care. My parents live next door and my mom literally walks across the yard to watch our daughter while my wife and I go to work. My mom loves to do this although she is 70 years old and we don't want to wear her out. We told her before we tried to have a second baby that it was ok if it was too much to watch two of them. Now that it's twins we think it's almost definitely going to be too much.
My wife really doesn't want to have to put our kids in daycare. Right now, her and my mom have talked about maybe just hiring someone to come in and work a few hours each day to give my mom a break or some configuration like that. My wife was going to feel out the potential of going part time at her company and whether that would be an option. She wants to be able to work to some capacity if possible, but the kids are her priority.

3. Home Size. This isn't an issue right away at all, but I wish someone would have told us we were going to have 3 kids when we built this house. We only have a Master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms. There are two bathrooms, so that's good, but when all three children want their own rooms I don't know what we'll do. My parents gifted the land where my house sits and my dad and I worked to build it 13 years ago (subcontracted a lot of things, but also did plenty of work ourselves). I wouldn't want to just move while my parents are still around. Luckily, they are both doing well and we would like to continue being neighbors and have them get to be so close to their grandkids.
I know I could eventually use have an addition built, but I have really enjoyed the fact that we owe so little on our home. I also like that my 30th year of teaching (the year I previously thought I'd retire) is the same year the mortgage gets paid off. I guess I should just give up on that pipe dream at this point anyway! I had just thought I could go and do something else at least, but if I still have a big mortgage number I probably wouldn't feel that same freedom.

Those are the main things that stand out to me. Thank you for reading and sharing any insight or things I have overlooked.

Congrats!

My older daughter had twins in July 2022. That's on top of her three other sons, ages 7, 5 and 2. I "kid" you not.

Watching her with -- count 'em -- five young 'uns, I can tell you the logistics and finances you are thinking about pale in comparison to your and your wife's more basic needs.

What I mean is that it's endless chaos in the house with that many children. And you have to find a way to let go of many things, not least among them never having an orderly room in the place (if that's your bent). Endless noise. Endless meals. Endless demands.

Forget worrying about the finances. They'll take care of themselves. Your kids won't starve and they'll find a way to go to college. Buy whatever term policy you like -- what you really need to figure out is how to find some time for you and your wife to live your lives.

It'll be a blur for 18 years. And then, bam, it's over.

Don't miss it planning (too much).

[cchrissyy]

that's really great that grandma lives so close and wants so much hands-on involvement.

but twins plus a toddler is more than one person can do, even if they were young and healthy.

she can be one of the people, she can come as many hours as she wants, and she will absolutely feel needed and grow bonds with the kids.

but it's not realistic to think the hired help will only be a few hours per day. it will need to be full time.

one things that may be nice would be when the older one starts preschool, maybe grandma can take her to/from and get quality time together while a nanny is dealing with the the more constant physical needs of two infants.

[celia]

I agree that you will be needing more than one person to do child care if your wife goes back to work. Does your wife have any relatives who could help out? Or any friends from church or another organization?

The twins could probably share a crib for several months. Maybe clear out a closet to be used for the things they need. Get baby clothes from a thrift shop since babies quickly grow out of each size instead of wearing out the outfits.

Most importantly, starting even now is that your wife will probably start needing more sleep and wish someone else (you!) will prepare dinner. So step up and help out all you can as your wife has to take care of herself plus some twins who are on the way.

Congratulations to both of you.

[Bb073084]

I have identical twin girls that are now 6. Here is my long list of random advice:

1) Life insurance - Absolutely get larger life insurance. We got large term policies with a 30 year term when our twins were born. This provides certainty that if we passed they would have sufficient assets to be properly cared for and raised to adulthood.

2) bedrooms - you are probably fine for awhile but may want more space down the road. Our twins shared a room tell about age 5. Then it became an issue with bedtime routines so we decided it was best to split them up.

3) school - once they are old enough to attend school separate then across two classrooms. We found this allows for them to grow more independent and self reliant in terms of learning and also social skills/friendships.

4) early days care/sleep - sorry to say it but get ready for the hardest few months of your life. Twins are considered full term at 37 weeks. This means they are usually smaller which can add to the need for extra care in the early weeks of life as well as more frequent feedings. If you can, alternate nights with your spouse as with two feedings instead of one it is almost impossible to sleep in between until they put on weight and feedings decrease in frequency.

5) daycare - many daycares offer a sibling discount if you end up getting care outside the home. My wife and I were able to negotiate a significant discount (~20%) with our first daycare which was very good and individually owned by expressing the financial hardship two daycare tuitions would cause at the time (even with the discount it was $4k a month but would have been $5k).

6) parenting - raising twins can be hard at times for both the parents and the children. Parents struggle to balance the unique needs of two children who are going through the same growing and learning phases as the exact same time while children struggle to feel they are unique and receive enough individual attention. While twins can be very similar in a lot of respects they are each unique and have their own interests, strengths, weaknesses, and needs. Make sure to carve out time to get to know each of them individually and bond 1 on 1. I have 3 kids myself and it can be hard to find the time but I never regret it when I am able to do so.

Happy to answer more but those were the items at the top of my mind when I read this.

[obgraham]

Our twin daughters are about to turn 46, so it was a long time ago. I agree with most of the other advice here. Organized life as you might have known it will come to an end. Adaptation and adjustment will be the order of the day.

At the time, my wife was a stay-at-home mom, which we still think was the best. What saved her sanity was a local organization then known as the "Mothers of Twins Club" (now of course, "Mothers of Multiples"). This offered lots of opportunities for socializing, either with or without the children, with other families who understood the chaos and offered ongoing helpful tips. If there is such a group, I encourage you and your family to join.

As for college planning, I've no advice: I had three in private colleges for a while. You can imagine the drain.

[RevFran]

Depending on a 70 year old grandmother for daily care of newborn twins and another young child is tragically unrealistic. Please, for everyone’s sake and health, make other childcare arrangements. Let the grandparents enjoy occasional visits and care when it is a treat for both sides. Even the most fit 70 year old woman I know could not physically handle this. And it sounds as if the grandfather requires help as well. Congrats on your new babies.

+1

I see your reply to this above, and recommend hiring someone to come into your home full time and allow your mother to be present when she wants. The person you are hiring could then do meal prep our laundry or run errands when your mom wants to be with the kids. That said, be very clear with whomever you are hiring that that is your expectation - don’t just assume the person will also do laundry and meal prep but make it clear it is part of the job

My godchildren, now 24, are twins. They make it seem like all of us non-twins are missing out. When they were little, they were like a small married couple.