Looking for Direction (Burnout/Mid-Life Crisis?)

[liz24]

Hello,

I was just looking for some career and general life advice considering a lot of big changes in my life recently.

I am 37. I am 7 years into a government position (with 3 more remaining until getting vested into the pension plan). I have a 2 year old child.

My parent had recently passed away, and I am now worth 2.5 million, which was a substantial jump in (approximate) net worth for me.

I have been suffering from some issues since my parent passed away (there was a lot of fatigue and burnout with caregiving during the final year of his life). This was, of course, while I was raising my very young child as well. I spent my time as a new mother taking care of my child intensively, then also caregiving intensively over my parent through a rapid decline, each and every day morning and night, until his passing for a full year (I lived with my parent to better meet the daily/hourly needs). While all of this was going on as well, I was looked to at work to fill in some higher-level gaps until an official supervisor was hired (I had to stretch myself and work at a higher level more frequently without any additional pay for the last 1.5 years as well). To be even more detailed, I was looked at to be quality control and essentially "act" as a supervisor, until a supervisor was officially hired.

It has all been extremely difficult. Extremely draining.

I am now left with my child who just turned two years of age. I am missing one parent. I have 2.5 million to my name. I am in a job that also stretched me at a very difficult point in my life as well.

I not only feel a very deep sense of burnout (both personal and professional), but I am also wondering if I am coming upon an early mid-life crisis as well?

I have all of this money now, and I am finding a bit ridiculous to work and bend over backward for my employer. I now have a lot of money and actually would find it nicer to take more time to work with all the moving parts of the inherited portfolio (RMDs, etc.) to maximize my returns, rather than focus on work content. The idea to continue to keep my head down and work really hard and sacrifice more in light of having a large inheritance does not sound like something that can actually occur for me. I did that already, and I am ready to try something different.

I also feel a growing curiosity of all else out there in the world that I am missing out on if I stay in my current job. Maybe it is losing a parent, but I want to get in touch with myself again and live a better more vibrant life.

My questions are:

1. Can anyone help with curing this type of deep burnout?
2. Am I going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, what can someone do about it?
3. Am I missing something else in this picture? I know I have been through a lot.

Thank you in advance for your help.

[Motostash]

Do you need to label it? Calling it a burnout or midlife crisis is irrelevant. If you can live on $50k/year, you don't need a job anymore. You've earned it. At the very least, you've earned a sabbatical. Take a year or two and then reevaluate. Or hang on for 3 more if the pension is worth it. If you don't consider this your job, but rather your career, ask for a raise or change of position. Or consider asking them if they'd grant you unpaid leave for a year and decide if you want to come back then. Whatever you do, w/ $2.5M you don't need to allow any job to take advantage of you again.

[backpacker61]

I now have a lot of money and actually would find it nicer to take more time to work with all the moving parts of the inherited portfolio (RMDs, etc.) to maximize my returns, rather than focus on work content.

There is a quote that you will often encounter on these forums; "An investment portfolio is like soap; the more you handle it, the smaller it gets". I think it makes sense to eventually get it invested into asset classes that you want to hold for the long term, and then leave well enough alone. Move on to other facets of your life, but just let the investments grow and be mostly hands-off.

Read the Boglehead wiki on Managing a Windfall. Read it several times and take it to heart. The Memorial Day holiday is coming up, so perhaps you can take some time to read it slowly and contemplatively.

https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Managing_a_windfall

I would definitely stick it out with your employer long enough at least to get vested in the pension. Are there other positions in the same (or related) departments (still under that pension) that might let you continue in your occupation but with fewer mental demands?

Like the windfall wiki advises, I would take your time and not do anything drastic for a year. And keep the size of your inheritance to yourself. If you need help investing it, this forum is a good anonymous resource. There is much wisdom on the boglehead wiki, in addition to the one on managing windfalls.

You are experiencing grief, not a mid-life crisis. I lost the last of my parents a few years ago. I found a lot of comfort in getting outdoors, walking around in my neighborhood, and taking some time to observe the bird life.

[chassis]

Hello,

I was just looking for some career and general life advice considering a lot of big changes in my life recently.

I am 37. I am 7 years into a government position (with 3 more remaining until getting vested into the pension plan). I have a 2 year old child.

My parent had recently passed away, and I am now worth 2.5 million, which was a substantial jump in (approximate) net worth for me.

I have been suffering from some issues since my parent passed away (there was a lot of fatigue and burnout with caregiving during the final year of his life). This was, of course, while I was raising my very young child as well. I spent my time as a new mother taking care of my child intensively, then also caregiving intensively over my parent through a rapid decline, each and every day morning and night, until his passing for a full year (I lived with my parent to better meet the daily/hourly needs). While all of this was going on as well, I was looked to at work to fill in some higher-level gaps until an official supervisor was hired (I had to stretch myself and work at a higher level more frequently without any additional pay for the last 1.5 years as well). To be even more detailed, I was looked at to be quality control and essentially "act" as a supervisor, until a supervisor was officially hired.

It has all been extremely difficult. Extremely draining.

I am now left with my child who just turned two years of age. I am missing one parent. I have 2.5 million to my name. I am in a job that also stretched me at a very difficult point in my life as well.

I not only feel a very deep sense of burnout (both personal and professional), but I am also wondering if I am coming upon an early mid-life crisis as well?

I have all of this money now, and I am finding a bit ridiculous to work and bend over backward for my employer. I now have a lot of money and actually would find it nicer to take more time to work with all the moving parts of the inherited portfolio (RMDs, etc.) to maximize my returns, rather than focus on work content. The idea to continue to keep my head down and work really hard and sacrifice more in light of having a large inheritance does not sound like something that can actually occur for me. I did that already, and I am ready to try something different.

I also feel a growing curiosity of all else out there in the world that I am missing out on if I stay in my current job. Maybe it is losing a parent, but I want to get in touch with myself again and live a better more vibrant life.

My questions are:

1. Can anyone help with curing this type of deep burnout?
2. Am I going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, what can someone do about it?
3. Am I missing something else in this picture? I know I have been through a lot.

Thank you in advance for your help.

I’m sorry to hear about your loss.

Make no decisions when in desolation. My view is that you presently are in desolation. Do nothing. Wait. See what happens.

[saveinvestbecomefree]

I'm sorry for your loss and the very difficult time you've been through. I agree with the advice to just wait for now. You have been through a lot and are not in a good state of mind to make really big decisions. Focus on your child and managing expectations/workload at work until you are in a less frustrated state and can consider options. The great news is that you have options and while it's obviously terrible you lost a parent, the end of a difficult end-of-life care period will give you the time and emotional energy to focus on other things in your life now. Overall it seems like the best option may be to stay on until your pension benefit vests (you'll have to analyze the value to really decide). While you're doing this, actively manage work expectations, think about what you'd like to do next, and spend time with your child. Life is looking up for you now even though it probably doesn't feel like it yet.

[conservativeinvestor]

I wouldn't make any major changes for at least another year and re-evaluate from there. If I understand correctly you are no longer in the temp supervisor position or if you are still doing that ask to step back to your non-supervisor role and let someone else step in to fill it. Re-focus on your core duties and see if that gives you a new perspective on your job situation. For the money invest it to your risk tolerance and following the advice found here. Re-evaluate next summer after you have had some time to adjust.

[Parkinglotracer]

Sorry for your loss and challenges. Reach out and find a pro counselor to discuss your mid life crisis. As we can’t discuss medical issues here - let’s concentrate on the financial issues. 2.5 M seems like a huge amount of money but in the long run at your age your career is your main asset and is likely worth more. Your life work is definitely key to your happiness. No rash decisions, get help, stay the course with your financial life as you navigate this critical event.

[LukeHeinz57]

After reading all that you wrote I see no reason why you wouldn't take a year or two for yourself to figure out the next stage of your life. You can now afford to and have certainly earned it. Best wishes as you embark on your next chapter.

[sleepy06]

Condolences
Recommend cut down job duties a a much as possible and coast for now. That said, stay to vest.
Get counseling- you’ve been through a lot!
Wait until you feel like your old self to address the windfall.

[cockersx3]

I went through something like that in a past employer, after going through a major medical event myself. I found that it was just really tough to take work seriously after going through something like that. Highly recommend some extended time off, if you can swing it with your employer. May also be worth a trip to a therapist, but can't go much beyond that and remain within the rules of this forum around medical advice.

Sticking with the financial aspects of things - I'd also recommend posting some of your portfolio details (using the template at this link) to get the community's feedback on whether you could financially afford to leave employment for at least a temporary basis. Depending on your spending and other assets, it is possible to leave employment - even permanently - with a $2.5MM net worth. If you retired now you wouldn't be the first one. But again, a portfolio review would help us "do the math" and see if you are now financially ready. Best of luck to you!

[Freetime76]

Liz24:
I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost a parent suddenly and received an inheritance several years ago. It was a tumultuous time. I had recently relocated to a new state with my family. My job was terminated aka downsized a few months later, as well. We were in a fixer upper farmhouse…

Lessons I learned (a few are iterations of what others said):
1. The money is not the sole legacy of your parent. The legacy is YOU and grandkid(s).

2. What seems like “a lot” of money may seem less so as you get into it. Before you all jumps me for saying that $2.5 M isn’t a lot - it is - …and some have mortgages and student loans that would suck that dry in two seconds.

3. Make sure the money goes to *something* worthwhile so that you can look back on “where it went” and smile. I’ve found a lot of peace in having funds “in the background” - as kind of a backstop for if my own life path goes haywire. Of course,I won’t know this until many decades from now…

4. Do not tinker with the moving parts of your newfound wealth. You are not instantly brilliant and you may receive a lot of advice from similarly not brilliant people who have almost nothing saved themselves or have no mileage in life experience/market ups and downs or have an ulterior motive.
In my experience, sensible actions were:
- Definitely have cash on hand set aside. A year or two in household expenses.
- Pay off any debts including mortgage. You are “in the hole” by this much. Get out and enjoy the smart freedom of never owing a dime to anyone ever again.
- Identify any undesirable assets you may have received? Investigate and LEARN how to get rid of them. If it’s shares of a stock, I would sell all (cost basis likely was set at the date of death). A business? You’ll have to investigate how to proceed. Life insurance cash? Easy - let it sit as cash and wait…
- If your car is a clunker or anything is desperately falling apart at home, go ahead and replace the car or get the plumber in.

5. Wait at least 6 months to change anything big. If you want to stop working, I suggest taking FMLA citing anxiety from all the stress. You can afford to pay the COBRA benefits if your job provided health insurance. Use the time to be sad, decompress, and remember who you are …and marinate on what do you want from life.

6. It’s okay to do nothing. For a while. A long while, just divide the money up between accounts to keep it insured (for example, large brokerage houses have additional insurance.

7. Advice my mom gave me was to use some inheritance for now,some for later, and some TBD. So, some sits in retirement,and the distributions I have to take from it go back into a Roth IRA. Some went into our working funds,and some (very little,actually) we bought something with.

8. Reread #4. Do Not Play with the moving parts of your wealth. No. Don’t. Keep things simple and go live your actual LIFE.


In your case: By any measure, $2.5M is a lot. It can evaporate QUICKLY if you tinker, decide to be really smart with investing, get poor (ok, these days even average is crappy) advice, upgrade lifestyle in all aspects….the hopefully long decades of your life need a purpose, and for now that might be raising a beautiful child with a working spouse…(not assuming you are married or single…only I don’t know your household expenses - some could use up 300K/year without trying )I’m just suggesting that your vision of life may change a bit because you now have room to dream among all the stress and grieving.

I will tell you that my life changed after my dad died. For one thing, it put a peg in the mortality clock for the whole family - he was the first to go. BUT the shift I experienced was over a span of years … I am at “midlife”, too… some things were chosen for me - like the job loss - and some evolved as new doors opened. We paid off the last half of our mortgage. I took about 6 months off from working. We invested in the equestrian property we were doing - this means paid (cash) for fencing lumber and a barn we did the work. I did go back to work (a j-o-b) for a couple years. Upgrading the car was the stupidest thing I did (totally depreciated,and then lifestyle changed so unloaded it for something else). Money invested gradually moved into index funds and cash….later real estate (we rehab homes, one at a time…). Now I work on a mini farm unpaid,and help with the rehab of house #2.

All I can say is best wishes. Treat yourself with some grace. You’ve been successful in your career,and time will tell you if you’re happy completely throwing in the towel or if it’s for a season. I COMPLETELY understand that sitting in another pointless meeting or having to meet company objectives and timelines can be oh so uninspiring once your eyes see differently.

[Taylor Larimore]

Liz24:

If I had a networth of $2.5 million and didn't like my job I would quit.

Best wishes.
Taylor

Jack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: "At a party give by a billionaire, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds, 'Yes, but I have something he will never have...enough."

[JayDee37]

I'm sorry that the past year or so has been so draining for you. You have definitely been through a lot, with an infant/toddler arriving on the scene and nursing a parent through their final illness. And holding down a full-time job on top of that...it's a lot.

Here is what I would suggest, in order of what to try:

1. As others have mentioned, see if you can take an unpaid leave of absence from your job for 6 months or so. Even three months would be helpful. You can clearly support yourself and your child during an unpaid leave, and letting go of the work responsibilities, even temporarily, will allow some time for you to grieve and heal.

2. If your employer says no to the unpaid leave of absence, see a therapist (well, see a therapist regardless) and have that therapist authorize you for 3 months of the federal Family Medical Leave program. This is unpaid leave but it guarantees your job while you are off. It does not require any sort of approval from your workplace. Not that you need it, but you will likely qualify for short-term disability pay while you are off on family medical leave. This can be a hassle though so don't sweat it if it's too stressful, since you have other resources to support your household.

3. If for some reason your therapist won't authorize the leave (or only authorizes a shorter time-frame), ask about going to a part-time schedule at work and/or scaling back on your responsibilities.

4. If none of the above end up working out, quit entirely and take some time to figure out next steps for yourself.

Regarding the pension and vesting--you should take some time to figure out the details of the vesting and what you would be entitled to under various scenarios. I am also in the public sector (15+ years) and I had to dive kind of deep into the details to get a good understanding of the pension nuances. Like you, we vest after 10 years. If we leave prior to vesting we have the option of rolling our own contributions + credited interest into another retirement account. However, we also have the option of leaving our contributions "on deposit" within the pension program, and once those contributions have been in the program for 10 years we vest in the pension. Of course the eventual pension payout is based on years of service, but at least we are still guaranteed a lifelong, COLA'd annuity once we begin to draw on it. Leaving our contributions on deposit also has the benefit of being able to re-activate the pension from where we left off if we return to the same employer or begin employment with another government agency where there is "reciprocity." Basically, it is worth developing a strong understanding of the details of the pension before making a decision about leaving your job so that decision is fully informed.

You've spent a lot of time and emotional energy taking care of other people over the past couple of years, now you can turn some of that energy towards taking care of yourself.

[JPH]

"Burnout" and "Midlife Crisis" are terms people sometimes use when they really are depressed. Sounds like you have enough problems in your life that you might want to consider being evaluated by a professional.

No, don't spend time micro-managing your portfolio.

Don't be too quick to forego your pension. Your situation could improve quickly. I hope it does.

[Parkinglotracer]

Liz24:

If I had a networth of $2.5 million and didn't like my job I would quit.

Best wishes.
Taylor

Jack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: "At a party give by a billionaire, Kurt Vonnegut informs his pal, Joseph Heller, that their host, a hedge fund manager, had made more money in a single day than Heller had earned from his wildly popular novel Catch-22 over its whole history. Heller responds, 'Yes, but I have something he will never have...enough."

Taylor - I love it!

Spoken as a man who has wisdom. I was all over telling her not to make a rash decision. I change my recommendation. Take a leave of absence for 6 months due to any reason including medical reasons. Then quit if you still want to.

[nimo956]

You don't have to do anything drastic at the moment like quit your job, but at the very least you can start to take back control to restore your work-life balance. Stop working more than 35 hrs / week. Push back on unreasonable demands. Learn to just say no. The worst that can happen is that they fire you, which you wouldn't mind anyway.

[Beensabu]

I also feel a growing curiosity of all else out there in the world that I am missing out on if I stay in my current job. Maybe it is losing a parent, but I want to get in touch with myself again and live a better more vibrant life.

What would you like your life to look like, specifically?

[Wannaretireearly]

I’ve always found a good break helps us heal. I like the coast. Helps to clear my head. Come back a bit more refreshed!

Sorry for your loss

[Jack FFR1846]

Learn to say no.

Your work: "Supervisor XYZ just left and we're short and won't have anyone to replace them for a long time. Can you do your job and their job for no extra pay?"

You: "No. Either promote me and replace me so I do one job or I'll happily do my own job alone".

I learned to do this years ago.

[Wannaretireearly]

Learn to say no.

Your work: "Supervisor XYZ just left and we're short and won't have anyone to replace them for a long time. Can you do your job and their job for no extra pay?"

You: "No. Either promote me and replace me so I do one job or I'll happily do my own job alone".

I learned to do this years ago.

I had this exact conversation with Mr. boss a few months ago!
It was a ‘thanks for considering me, but I don’t think I could do either job justice, so I’ll pass on your ‘great’ offer’

I know I’ve now been downgraded in the 9-box assessments. I don’t care anymore!

The person we hired is absolutely swamped with the additional job offered to me. God knows how management thinks it’s ok to offer someone else to do their current job, plus another full time job. Makes my blood boil, but just don’t care for it anymore.

[liz24]

I also feel a growing curiosity of all else out there in the world that I am missing out on if I stay in my current job. Maybe it is losing a parent, but I want to get in touch with myself again and live a better more vibrant life.

What would you like your life to look like, specifically?

I am still trying to articulate it. Most likely will involve lots of exercise, healthy eating, activities with my child, opportunities to show my love for my family, helping others in the community in some meaningful way, doing lots of beautiful art, and getting back into making music again. But amidst all of those things, find beauty around me and finding deep joy in simple things in life (e.g., hot cup of tea, a rainy day, etc.).

[Beensabu]

I also feel a growing curiosity of all else out there in the world that I am missing out on if I stay in my current job. Maybe it is losing a parent, but I want to get in touch with myself again and live a better more vibrant life.

What would you like your life to look like, specifically?

I am still trying to articulate it. Most likely will involve lots of exercise, healthy eating, activities with my child, opportunities to show my love for my family, helping others in the community in some meaningful way, doing lots of beautiful art, and getting back into making music again. But amidst all of those things, find beauty around me and finding deep joy in simple things in life (e.g., hot cup of tea, a rainy day, etc.).

That sounds like a wonderful life. And what a fantastic life for a child to be raised in. I hope you have fun making it!

What you need is time.

So a job with flexibility and work/life balance that is community-based, and the pay doesn't matter. Ideally one that lets you incorporate some of what you want in your life into your actual work day. You'll find it. They're out there, but they don't pay much, so they would love to find you too.

[il0kin]

FMLA for 12 weeks to get calmed down and recentered, with weekly therapy visits, a lot of time exercising in the sunlight, and taking care of your mind and your body.

Return to work for 3 years (maybe you can even transfer to a lower pace job?) to get the pension (it is useful after all, and you’re so close!) and then I think assuming your expenses are reasonable, quit working for good.

[bendix]

There are people who take their job and the demands that others put on them very seriously. There are others who dont take any of that even remotely serious. From what you write I assume you´re in the first bucket. I´ve once been like that too. A friend recommended Seneca´s probably 2000y old leaflet "on the shortness of time" and I found it eye opening as to why I allow others to own my priorities and even own my state of mind, such as happiness and feeling of accomplishment. I then decided to consciously not allow that anymore. I´m much better since then.

As your financial situation goes: Even without interest or capital gains you could probably live 25y from your savings. I am not sure how you are unsure about whether or not you can take a break or stop working altogether.

[LotsaGray]

I thought 10 pension vesting was stopped decades ago? Iirc max was 3 yr with a cliff and 6 with no cliff.

[srt7]

Hello,

I was just looking for some career and general life advice considering a lot of big changes in my life recently.

I am 37. I am 7 years into a government position (with 3 more remaining until getting vested into the pension plan). I have a 2 year old child.

My parent had recently passed away, and I am now worth 2.5 million, which was a substantial jump in (approximate) net worth for me.

I have been suffering from some issues since my parent passed away (there was a lot of fatigue and burnout with caregiving during the final year of his life). This was, of course, while I was raising my very young child as well. I spent my time as a new mother taking care of my child intensively, then also caregiving intensively over my parent through a rapid decline, each and every day morning and night, until his passing for a full year (I lived with my parent to better meet the daily/hourly needs). While all of this was going on as well, I was looked to at work to fill in some higher-level gaps until an official supervisor was hired (I had to stretch myself and work at a higher level more frequently without any additional pay for the last 1.5 years as well). To be even more detailed, I was looked at to be quality control and essentially "act" as a supervisor, until a supervisor was officially hired.

It has all been extremely difficult. Extremely draining.

I am now left with my child who just turned two years of age. I am missing one parent. I have 2.5 million to my name. I am in a job that also stretched me at a very difficult point in my life as well.

I not only feel a very deep sense of burnout (both personal and professional), but I am also wondering if I am coming upon an early mid-life crisis as well?

I have all of this money now, and I am finding a bit ridiculous to work and bend over backward for my employer. I now have a lot of money and actually would find it nicer to take more time to work with all the moving parts of the inherited portfolio (RMDs, etc.) to maximize my returns, rather than focus on work content. The idea to continue to keep my head down and work really hard and sacrifice more in light of having a large inheritance does not sound like something that can actually occur for me. I did that already, and I am ready to try something different.

I also feel a growing curiosity of all else out there in the world that I am missing out on if I stay in my current job. Maybe it is losing a parent, but I want to get in touch with myself again and live a better more vibrant life.

My questions are:

1. Can anyone help with curing this type of deep burnout?
2. Am I going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, what can someone do about it?
3. Am I missing something else in this picture? I know I have been through a lot.

Thank you in advance for your help.

Sorry for your loss. But know that you've been a champ in getting through all that life has thrown at you, all at once.

At this point it's all about priorities and that's hard to do when in the thick of it. So glad you posted for advice here as there are some really good ones (and unfortunately some very bad and immature ones too).

Priority wise my recommendation is to first quit that insane job of yours. That bolded text above tells me your manager and their chain are incompetent in employee management. Anyone who cannot fill a position for 1.5 years and is heartless enough to overburden an already stretched employee is not worth your time. Not to mention all this for a government org. Sheesh! With $2.5MM your parent has given you an out. Take it!

Next priority is yours and your child's health. In fact they're almost a competing priority between them (and quitting the job). Just make sure you have enough to get by (modestly) for at least 6 months. Tap in to the inheritance if you must but only on a strict budget for necessities. Let nature take its course and bring clarity to your thoughts that will define the next steps (how to invest the inheritance, prepare a will for your child, future work etc.)

Remember that you should be the one driving and right now you're exhausted so pull over and get some rest.

Good luck!

[av111]

My questions are:

1. Can anyone help with curing this type of deep burnout?
2. Am I going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, what can someone do about it?
3. Am I missing something else in this picture? I know I have been through a lot.

Thank you in advance for your help.

OP
Do not make any decisions. Ignore all advice to leave jobs or take vacation time. You are young and accomplished. You will find a balance. Join a meditation group if you have one nearby. If you have faith based networks, use them. If not, check out a local "Self realization fellowship" temple.

Plan it a day at a time. You will have better days

[Ricola]

You could see this as an opportunity to spend some fun and quality time with your child, as they grow up very quickly.

[Wannaretireearly]

My questions are:

1. Can anyone help with curing this type of deep burnout?
2. Am I going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, what can someone do about it?
3. Am I missing something else in this picture? I know I have been through a lot.

Thank you in advance for your help.

OP
Do not make any decisions. Ignore all advice to leave jobs or take vacation time. You are young and accomplished. You will find a balance. Join a meditation group if you have one nearby. If you have faith based networks, use them. If not, check out a local "Self realization fellowship" temple.

Plan it a day at a time. You will have better days

Don't take vacation time? is that a typo?

[av111]

My questions are:

1. Can anyone help with curing this type of deep burnout?
2. Am I going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, what can someone do about it?
3. Am I missing something else in this picture? I know I have been through a lot.

Thank you in advance for your help.

OP
Do not make any decisions. Ignore all advice to leave jobs or take vacation time. You are young and accomplished. You will find a balance. Join a meditation group if you have one nearby. If you have faith based networks, use them. If not, check out a local "Self realization fellowship" temple.

Plan it a day at a time. You will have better days

Don't take vacation time? is that a typo?

Not a typo.. I find that getting your mind into actual tasks helps young people transition more easily from loss of parent. Jobs force you to dress up and go out and interact with people. Vacation after loss does exactly the opposite. Could lead to depression

[Wannaretireearly]

My questions are:

1. Can anyone help with curing this type of deep burnout?
2. Am I going through an early mid-life crisis? If so, what can someone do about it?
3. Am I missing something else in this picture? I know I have been through a lot.

Thank you in advance for your help.

OP
Do not make any decisions. Ignore all advice to leave jobs or take vacation time. You are young and accomplished. You will find a balance. Join a meditation group if you have one nearby. If you have faith based networks, use them. If not, check out a local "Self realization fellowship" temple.

Plan it a day at a time. You will have better days

Don't take vacation time? is that a typo?

Not a typo.. I find that getting your mind into actual tasks helps young people transition more easily from loss of parent. Jobs force you to dress up and go out and interact with people. Vacation after loss does exactly the opposite. Could lead to depression

Gotcha, thanks for the explanation av.

[liz24]

Thank you so much for all of the thoughtful replies. I do have a lot to consider, especially given that I want to pass an easy existence along to my child.

[calmaniac]

FMLA for 12 weeks to get calmed down and recentered, with weekly therapy visits, a lot of time exercising in the sunlight, and taking care of your mind and your body.

Return to work for 3 years (maybe you can even transfer to a lower pace job?) to get the pension (it is useful after all, and you’re so close!) and then I think assuming your expenses are reasonable, quit working for good.

Lots of good advice in this thread, but the above makes the most sense to me. OP has to take care of herself before she can make big life decisions.