Any issue if baby’s last name is different from both parents’?

[tommy85]

For reasons too long to explain here DW and I have different last names and my official last name is not my real family name. We have a kiddo on the way and want to give him my family’s last name which will lead to all 3 of us having different last names. I would like to change my last name to my family name in next couple years (again long story, can’t change now). DW is worried baby not having my last name will lead to issues at school or while traveling internationally (worried we would get stopped for trafficking suspicion). Is that going to be a real issue or is DW just worried? Any other issue anyone can think of? I could give the baby my last name now and eventually all of us change last names later but would like to avoid multiple name changes if possible.

Thanks
Tom

[TomatoTomahto]

For reasons too long to explain here DW and I have different last names and my official last name is not my real family name. We have a kiddo on the way and want to give him my family’s last name which will lead to all 3 of us having different last names. I would like to change my last name to my family name in next couple years (again long story, can’t change now). DW is worried baby not having my last name will lead to issues at school or while traveling internationally (worried we would get stopped for trafficking suspicion). Is that going to be a real issue or is DW just worried? Any other issue anyone can think of? I could give the baby my last name now and eventually all of us change last names later but would like to avoid multiple name changes if possible.

Thanks
Tom

Tom,

I remember a scenario where 4 of us were on a train and each had a passport with a different nationality, although the same last name.

Regardless of last name, if one of you is traveling with a child, you should have documentation that it's okay with the other parent. There should be some suggested format/authentication standard but I don't know.

DW and I have kept our names throughout our lives. Seems natural enough. Your child will cope, and so will the school.

[retiredjg]

If you both want to give the baby your real family last name, I would do it. Yes, there will be some minor aggravations, but schools and governments are already faced with similar situations everyday due to marriage, divorce, blended families, adoptions, etc. I suspect this is not nearly as awkward or difficult now as it was in 1950.

While traveling abroad, I'd carry a birth certificate which should clearly show all 3 names on the same document.

[alex_686]

Regardless of last name …

Google news stories about people with the last name Null. That can be a difficult name to grow up with.

[cchrissyy]

i think this is fine

i didn't change my name for marriage but did it a bit later when expecting a baby believing it was important to "match". but the new name bothered me and there was never any circumstance where it helped anything. by school age i realized how very common it is to have different names in one family. so i legally changed mine back. in the years since then i have still not had a single situation where my last name being different from the kids has caused any question or trouble. this includes a lot of travel.

and while i never did bring a birth certificate or a letter from the other parent, i would suggest you do that, simply for peace of mind. it is such an easier solution than the alternate plan of making multiple legal name changes.

[ResearchMed]

For reasons too long to explain here DW and I have different last names and my official last name is not my real family name. We have a kiddo on the way and want to give him my family’s last name which will lead to all 3 of us having different last names. I would like to change my last name to my family name in next couple years (again long story, can’t change now). DW is worried baby not having my last name will lead to issues at school or while traveling internationally (worried we would get stopped for trafficking suspicion). Is that going to be a real issue or is DW just worried? Any other issue anyone can think of? I could give the baby my last name now and eventually all of us change last names later but would like to avoid multiple name changes if possible.

Thanks
Tom

Tom,

I remember a scenario where 4 of us were on a train and each had a passport with a different nationality, although the same last name.

Regardless of last name, if one of you is traveling with a child, you should have documentation that it's okay with the other parent. There should be some suggested format/authentication standard but I don't know.

DW and I have kept our names throughout our lives. Seems natural enough. Your child will cope, and so will the school.

Mostly variations on what TT is describing, but for your specific situation:
[Note: Many years ago, I was frequently traveling internationally with two young children with last name issues, different from mine, and without another parental unit involved]

Keeping the two adult names as they are, and giving baby your preferred choice of names (a third last name):

For any international travel when *both* of you (baby's legal parents/etc.) are together with baby, then keep a copy of her/his/their birth certificate, assuming it shows both parents with the same names as your own passports.

For any time that one of you will be crossing a border with Baby, you'll each want to have a document demonstrating that you are doing so with the consent of the other legal parent (or a document such as a death certificate showing that there is no other living person who may be an interested party). I think the USA State Department has some advisory about this. I'd suggest getting each of those notarized even if not necessary. This isn't something you need to get over and over, after all.

Just keep this document handy at any border, in case anyone asks questions.
There's less need to explain any "why" about the differing last names than to show that you are appropriately and legally taking the child across a border.

Although this next step is more important when a child is traveling without either parent, I'd still suggest adding a document giving permission to make any/all medical decisions for the child, too. In an emergency, you don't want time wasted on the off chance someone is concerned about this.

And yes, you are correct that one big concern, if there are concerns at all, is about child trafficking.
However, in some areas, a more common concern might be about child abduction: taking a child out of the country without the permission of another custodial parent, such as in a nasty divorce/custody situation. In this case, the last names don't matter at all anyway; it's the apparent absence of one of the legal parents/guardians/etc., that could be the problem.

RM

[SethJane42]

Keep it simple. Giving your son a completely different last name will give him a life of having to explain why it is different from his father--and that's at the very least. I'm sure there will be other small burdens and problems because of it. Symbolically, you're separating him from you. Why create those futures? It's like naming your kid Rychard instead of Richard--you saddle the kid with a lifetime of him having to spell out his name for people, or correcting people because they'll all get it wrong. Keep it simple.

[jackholloway]

Keep it simple. Giving your son a completely different last name will give him a life of having to explain why it is different from his father--and that's at the very least. I'm sure there will be other small burdens and problems because of it. Symbolically, you're separating him from you. Why create those futures? It's like naming your kid Rychard instead of Richard--you saddle the kid with a lifetime of him having to spell out his name for people, or correcting people because they'll all get it wrong. Keep it simple.

A number of my friends have different last names from their parents. It seemed to work out for them, and it's easier to do early than late. Especially if you know you want to change your name to match, start as you mean to go on.

[erp]

Keep it simple. Giving your son a completely different last name will give him a life of having to explain why it is different from his father--and that's at the very least. I'm sure there will be other small burdens and problems because of it. Symbolically, you're separating him from you. Why create those futures? It's like naming your kid Rychard instead of Richard--you saddle the kid with a lifetime of him having to spell out his name for people, or correcting people because they'll all get it wrong. Keep it simple.

A number of my friends have different last names from their parents. It seemed to work out for them, and it's easier to do early than late. Especially if you know you want to change your name to match, start as you mean to go on.

Yeah, it seems super-common with divorce and remarriage now. Eg. the kids have their biological dad's last name, but live with mom and new husband, with each keeping their original last name.

[Cruise]

Have mother change name to intended common family name. Name child with same name. You change yours when time is right.

Barring divorce, that should keep things simple.

[stan1]

Regardless of last name …

Google news stories about people with the last name Null. That can be a difficult name to grow up with.

I just hope Mr. Null doesn't marry Miss Void, the Null and Void wedding ceremony might be a real program at the court house.

[littlebird]

I had difficulty getting a passport because my name as a married female matched neither my current husband’s nor my father’s name. I had to obtain and produce several documents tracing the origin of my name, complicated by the fact that my father had changed his name to match the name he had been using all his life which was not the name on his home-birth certificate. Took nine months and a great deal of trouble.Keep forever all records pertaining to the origin of your and child’s name and legal name changes.

[cs412a]

Back in 1973, I kept my name when I married, and my son's last name is a hyphenated combination of my last name and his dad's last name. It never caused any problems with school documents, passports, etc., maybe because his last name is on his birth certificate.

My name is very common, my son's name is unique. He seems to like that.

[async]

Regardless of last name …

Google news stories about people with the last name Null. That can be a difficult name to grow up with.

I just hope Mr. Null doesn't marry Miss Void, the Null and Void wedding ceremony might be a real program at the court house.

https://xkcd.com/327/

[epoche]

Do what seems right for your circumstance and your family.

I have two children with a last name different from mine or my partner, so we have three last names between four of us, and have never encountered a serious problem.
When we travel, we always take a copy of the children's birth certificates with us. I have had to show them at airport counters or security when the children were younger, but since they have been old enough to speak coherently, the agents just ask the children their names and say, "Are these your parents?". (Maybe when they are rebellious teenagers and decide to provide a snarky answer this could be a problem?) Their passports were accepted without question when traveling internationally.

Do be prepared to be called Mr./Mrs. <Child's Last Name> by teachers and the children's friends. I just answer to that and don't worry about it. All school forms are signed with correct (different) last names, and have never been questioned.

My kids think it is natural and have never reported having to explain the situation to anyone. I think they believe it is a bit odd for all the names to match. My daughter has asked why someone would want to change their name if they get married.

[mighty72]

I know the family where the husband, wife and kid all have different last names. Never heard of any issues except for people being curious as to why

[lostinjersey]

I know the family where the husband, wife and kid all have different last names. Never heard of any issues except for people being curious as to why

This was us. We didn’t consolidate under one last name until our daughter was in elementary school. It was fine.

[GenawithanE]

At least 29 years ago, in DC, the law required you to give your child the last name of the father. You might want to check the laws of the state where you plan to deliver to see if you will have an issue before you get to the hospital.

[simplextableau]

I plan to do this. My last name is an Anglicized version of the true family name (which isn't something very hard to pronounce or spell). I traced the family history back 500 years and only the last three generations in the U.S. (and only one direct line even) have lost the name. I'd like to restore it for my children and correct the "error." The names are close enough that I don't think it will be a big deal (the relation will be apparent).

[unclescrooge]

For reasons too long to explain here DW and I have different last names and my official last name is not my real family name. We have a kiddo on the way and want to give him my family’s last name which will lead to all 3 of us having different last names. I would like to change my last name to my family name in next couple years (again long story, can’t change now). DW is worried baby not having my last name will lead to issues at school or while traveling internationally (worried we would get stopped for trafficking suspicion). Is that going to be a real issue or is DW just worried? Any other issue anyone can think of? I could give the baby my last name now and eventually all of us change last names later but would like to avoid multiple name changes if possible.

Thanks
Tom

This is obviously important to you. Why aren't you changing your own last name too?

[Boston Terrier Fan]

For reasons too long to explain here DW and I have different last names and my official last name is not my real family name. We have a kiddo on the way and want to give him my family’s last name which will lead to all 3 of us having different last names. I would like to change my last name to my family name in next couple years (again long story, can’t change now). DW is worried baby not having my last name will lead to issues at school or while traveling internationally (worried we would get stopped for trafficking suspicion). Is that going to be a real issue or is DW just worried? Any other issue anyone can think of? I could give the baby my last name now and eventually all of us change last names later but would like to avoid multiple name changes if possible.

Thanks
Tom

Tom,


I remember a scenario where 4 of us were on a train and each had a passport with a different nationality, although the same last name.

Regardless of last name, if one of you is traveling with a child, you should have documentation that it's okay with the other parent. There should be some suggested format/authentication standard but I don't know.

DW and I have kept our names throughout our lives. Seems natural enough. Your child will cope, and so will the school.

My daughter was invited to join a friend’s family for spring break in the Dominican Republic. There is a form on the us passport site that we had to fill out and get notarized. We also had to provide a copy of a the page from our own passports confirming our identities. It was all easy and my daughter is enjoying Club Med. It seems likely that you could do something similar (if necessary).

[TomatoTomahto]

My daughter was invited to join a friend’s family for spring break in the Dominican Republic. There is a form on the us passport site that we had to fill out and get notarized. We also had to provide a copy of a the page from our own passports confirming our identities. It was all easy and my daughter is enjoying Club Med. It seems likely that you could do something similar (if necessary).

We are well past the point where our kids are minors, but thank you for indicating where to get the proof for traveling purposes. Nice spring break , I could use one right about now.

[musicmom]

I kept my name after marriage.
My husband kept his.

Our two children shard a third name.
They are now in their 30s.
We never once had a serious issue through school, travel, medical, etc. We live in NJ.
The most involved it ever became was having to identify myself on a phone call by name then adding "my son is Billy Jones".
I think this situation is even more commonplace today.

Do what your heart tells you.

[money2churn]

Regardless of last name …

Google news stories about people with the last name Null. That can be a difficult name to grow up with.

Having it as a first name would be worse.

[JackoC]

Keep it simple. Giving your son a completely different last name will give him a life of having to explain why it is different from his father--and that's at the very least. I'm sure there will be other small burdens and problems because of it. Symbolically, you're separating him from you. Why create those futures? It's like naming your kid Rychard instead of Richard--you saddle the kid with a lifetime of him having to spell out his name for people, or correcting people because they'll all get it wrong. Keep it simple.

A number of my friends have different last names from their parents. It seemed to work out for them, and it's easier to do early than late. Especially if you know you want to change your name to match, start as you mean to go on.

Yeah, it seems super-common with divorce and remarriage now. Eg. the kids have their biological dad's last name, but live with mom and new husband, with each keeping their original last name.

Was going to say, that has to be a significant % of all households now in the US: kid(s) use biological father's last name(s), mother her maiden name, current spouse/housemate their last name, 3+ last names. So it won't be found odd in everyday interaction. Seems like it could have a few official twists, like being sure there'll be no misunderstanding by the authorities when travelling with a minor with a different last name. Somebody mentioned anglicized v original names. Another form of that is like my wife and sisters in law (from a culture where married women traditionally use their maiden names): they adopted different transliterations of the family name to Latin letters, though it's written the same in the original language. That can result in 'you're sisters, why do you have different maiden names?'

[Mike Scott]

Nobody cares what your name is as long as you have documents for that identity.

[Inframan4712]

For reasons too long to explain here DW and I have different last names and my official last name is not my real family name. We have a kiddo on the way and want to give him my family’s last name which will lead to all 3 of us having different last names. I would like to change my last name to my family name in next couple years (again long story, can’t change now). DW is worried baby not having my last name will lead to issues at school or while traveling internationally (worried we would get stopped for trafficking suspicion). Is that going to be a real issue or is DW just worried? Any other issue anyone can think of? I could give the baby my last name now and eventually all of us change last names later but would like to avoid multiple name changes if possible.

Thanks
Tom

"For reasons too long to explain here DW and I have different last names and my official last name is not my real family name. "

And yet, you want to give your child the gift of the exact same problem. For life.

If all of you have the same last name, I guarantee this will make things easier for you and for your child. Unless the name you want to avoid is Mengele, or Genghis Khan or something, why would you not pursue the easy path for your child?

A few years ago, my wife and two sons and I were flying into London from Rome and then on to the US. All same name. The Heathrow security agent took my oldest teenage son aside and asked him if he was being trafficked. Just because the agent thought he didn't look like me. It was late at night and we were tired. Very tired. I can't imagine choosing to go through this or making it worse, for life.