Feeling like you've "made it"

[KlangFool]

I tend to agree with the sentiment that I won't "feel like I made it" until I actually retire or make some significant changes to separate our situation from the "typical" situation.

What I struggle with is we have done things that will pay off at some point. Currently, we are on the same treadmill with no real/distinguishable difference between the Jonses. Here is what I mean: Our daily routine is no different from someone else. We save aggressively, have a paid off mortgage, drive paid for cars, don't use credit cards, live below our means, invest in low cost index funds, we have college savings for our 3 kids.

The person next to me at work has a big mortgage, zero savings, a leased $70k BMW, no plans to save for their kids college, rolling credit card debt, etc.

We both come in at 7:30 and leave at 5:00. Our kids go to the same school. I park my 2001 Toyota Echo next to his 2016 BMW. He has an iPhone 7 and I have an iPhone 5 on RingPlus.

I really can't explain it properly. It somewhat reminds of me of people that smoke for 70 years and have no health issues. The next person smokes for 5 years and gets jaw cancer. Probably a poor example.

I am fine with the similarities now but I hope that there will be a divergence at some point where I can have that "aha" moment. Very interesting discussion. Thanks everyone for contributing.

You just haven't seen the denouement yet. My having witnessed an initially high-spending friend couple go through a decade of financial despair, with no end in sight, is eye-opening. I still remember in the early days when they teased us for not having/spending more, or taking advantage of (dubious) financial opportunities. They used to gift us their lightly used belongings (when they upgraded). My wife and I used to joke privately that to them, we were 'the poor cousins', despite earning (slightly) more than they did.

On the flip side, in your example, maybe your kids with the paid-for college will grow up to hate you, and the other guys kids with the college loans will revere him. You can never tell with kids.

just frank,

There is a difference. And, you will notice that during an annual layoff and /or a big recession. Then, some folks still can sleep at night while others can't.

"only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked"?
-Warren Buffett

KlangFool

[Leemiller]

I tend to agree with the sentiment that I won't "feel like I made it" until I actually retire or make some significant changes to separate our situation from the "typical" situation.

What I struggle with is we have done things that will pay off at some point. Currently, we are on the same treadmill with no real/distinguishable difference between the Jonses. Here is what I mean: Our daily routine is no different from someone else. We save aggressively, have a paid off mortgage, drive paid for cars, don't use credit cards, live below our means, invest in low cost index funds, we have college savings for our 3 kids.

The person next to me at work has a big mortgage, zero savings, a leased $70k BMW, no plans to save for their kids college, rolling credit card debt, etc.

We both come in at 7:30 and leave at 5:00. Our kids go to the same school. I park my 2001 Toyota Echo next to his 2016 BMW. He has an iPhone 7 and I have an iPhone 5 on RingPlus.

I really can't explain it properly. It somewhat reminds of me of people that smoke for 70 years and have no health issues. The next person smokes for 5 years and gets jaw cancer. Probably a poor example.

I am fine with the similarities now but I hope that there will be a divergence at some point where I can have that "aha" moment. Very interesting discussion. Thanks everyone for contributing.

You are very outwardly focused then. You should also realize that very often the guy with nicer stuff has more money than you do. I'd be miserable with your mindset in our neighborhood since we are on the low end of housing here at about 1.4m or so. Many of my neighbors have homes in the 2-3m range. They just have more money. I've never understood the assumption that everyone with nicer stuff is more leveraged anyways - who knows? And who cares?

I'd recommend finding a charity and writing a big check. Also, spending more of your income in the now. Take a vacation, go to a nice dinner, whatever. Money is a tool, it shouldn't rule you.

[ThankYouJack]

OP, another way to make you feel like you've "made it":

Take a trip to a 3rd world country.

If you were born in the US you've pretty much made it since day 1. It's all relative and perspective. If one is looking for a certain dollar amount to feel that they've "made it" they may be searching for a very long time.

[TravelforFun]

You're doing fine for a 30-year-old so relax or someone may quote a Ferris Bueller on you, "You're too uptight. If someone stuck a lump of coal up your ___, it would turn into a diamond in a week.".

[ThankYouJack]

And who cares?

Way too many people. And in doing so, it can bring on feelings of jealousy, anger and maybe even hate. Or on the flip side if you compare yourself to the "less" fortunate it leads to over-inflated sense of self / ego.

I'm not sure if studies have been done but I bet happiness typically increases a great deal when people stop comparing themselves with others.

[travellight]

"by anoop » Sat Dec 03, 2016 8:42 pm

travellight wrote:
Your net worth is much higher than mine was at age 30.

Even adjusted for inflation?"

Op's NW is 500k at age 30. Mine was probably zero to 50k. I just started earning real money at age 28.5 (117k/yr) and paid off 25k of student loans in about a year so at age 30, I just started having minimal positive net worth. He has a huge head start from me (about 450k+). 25 years later, I am close to 8 figures so OP could do even better.

[2tall4economy]

I went through a very similar process / set of emotions. I would say I'm equally stressed about money now as I was when I was younger but for much different reasons.

My emotional roller coaster:

At 24 I made a big income out of school and assumed I'd retire early with Ferraris and Lamborghinis. I felt like I could take on / would shortly conquer the world. At 27 I made over six figures which only served to reinforce this.

At 29 I completed my MBA and realized my net worth was negative and panicked that I'd never get to retire

At 33 I finally had a positive net worth, so I felt a little good but not great given the long road ahead. Interestingly, the ground work was well laid by this point, and my net worth growth took off like a rocket afterward even while I continued to cut my expenses down.

At 37 I achieved a big milestone in my career. At first I was happy, but when I crunched all the numbers, the final impact of me getting that promotion or not wasn't a meaningful impact to my nest egg and retirement date, which made me a little depressed. Later that year I had my first million. I felt kind of good about it, but not nearly as good as I had hoped because it wasn't what I had expected it to be when I started out.

At 39 I paid off my rental properties, and had a net worth of ~$2M a few days after turning 40. These two things were huge for me - being debt free on income generating assets was so relieving it actually went the other way. I completely lost my internal fire to work hard and asked myself "what is point" on many things (money, work, retirement, material possessions). Was in a deep funk but also had the least weight on my shoulders I had ever felt.

At 40 I decided what was important to me, and set out my goals from now until age 99 (optimistic), which included a big shift in family time, a big reduction in my "net worth at death" in exchange, some different prioritization, planning for where and how to retire, etc...

Still working that plan and hoping to retire at 50.

[mickeyd]

My thanks to warner25 for kicking off this interesting thread.

Dr. Bernstein's oft quoted "If you've won the game, why keep playing?" should not be observed as hubris. I'm age 72 and have been investing since I was about 25 years of age. Seen a lot of ups and downs. Mostly ups. At some point (maybe 20 years ago) I allowed myself to speculate that after all of those years of investing that I may have enough to actually stop working and begin spending that stash that we had stacked up. I did not retire at that time, but it began the ticking clock in my mind. After enough ticks, it was pretty easy to retire my briefcase and all that it stood for.

[jaqenhghar]

Many thanks to OP to linking to this thread from several years ago in a current post. I'm still reading through it, but there are some truly thoughtful gems in here that are worth reminding myself of.

[AnnetteLouisan]

The strange positive thing about misfortune is it helps give you other priorities. So don’t worry, something will go wrong and teach wonderful lessons. Then you may wake up every day feeling grateful.

That said, 29/30 is definitely a year where most people take stock and chart the course ahead. Much like 50. Also, success tends to be gradual. Two steps forward, one step back. Ya just gotta keep going.

[WhiteMaxima]

OP your NW is 500k and you are already 10%. if you are comparing many BHs here, you feel poor and that's not good for your mental health. I don't even have 0.5 mil NW when I was 30. life is short, feel happy.

[22twain]

OP your NW is 500k and you are already 10%.

That was more than six years ago. I expect he's in an even better position by now.

[cbs2002]

Here’s how I know we have “made it”:

If I had to pay off my mortgage tomorrow I could. It’s only 10% of our NW.

We live in a place we like. I sometimes have a hard time imagining a better place to live within reason. (I.e. not counting million+ vacation house type of scenarios, which would be great but aren’t in our cards).

We have great health insurance and access to top hospitals.

I eat and drink whatever I want, again within reason.

My kids will go to one of the best high schools in the country.

We go on the vacations we want. Not White Lotus stuff at all, but special for us.

If we both lost our jobs tomorrow, I have the confidence we could find work to pay the bills.

Our family and friends love each other.

Yes we are in the two comma club. No we do not have enough money to retire and support our current lifestyle from investments. Maybe if we didn’t save another dime the market would make it up for us in 10 years, maybe not. But we’ve definitely made it.

Enjoy life.

[AnnetteLouisan]

OP is 35 now and just crossed $1 mil. Still worrying though.

[1moreyr]

my kids are both in their late 20s and on their own, my mortgage is paid off. I am 59 have 40X to 50X my needs and probably don't need to work anymore.....when kids were done with school and had jobs and the mortgage was paid off I then feel like i had finally made it .....

i retired in 2022. It was quite unnerving as everything turned to S*** and I had concerns.....

sometimes you will feel great.... sometimes you will be concerned, but not like you are today.... your personality plays into this as well.

[abc132]

When you start out it is really as simple as living below your means. You can't really do anything that can't be changed in time to ensure success. Once you have significant assets you now run the risk of making mistakes that have long term consequences.

I think the answer is to focus on goal setting. Measure your success based on forming a good plan and sticking to it. Do your research, consider the options. Expects can't predict your portfolio in ten years within a factor of two. All you can do is evaluate the risk and reward and take whatever the market delivers.

[Dregob]

I'm worried about my financial future at a point when I thought such anxieties would go away. I'm 30, my wife is 28, and I know we're in very good shape by any objective measure: educated, good health, $500k net worth, 50% savings rate, and I recently hit a target in my career that should set me up for more success in the future. A few years ago I would have thought that this is very close to "making it," but now I just feel pressure to capitalize on it, perform better, learn more, or else screw it up and face long-term financial struggle. Maybe this is impostor syndrome(?)

If you've dealt with this before, what helped you feel better?

If you feel you have "made it", "won the game", etc., at what point in your life and career did you actually start to feel that way?

If I feel insecure now, am I bound to always feel this way?

I felt like I made it when I retired at 66 and realized it is very unlikely we will run out of money unless both of us end up in a nursing home for 15 years.

[brian2013]

OP, you are very young. I certainly understand wanting to feel secure, but let me suggest a re-evaluation of your thought process at this time of your life. Instead of wanting to get to a point where you feel like you've "made it" when you're so young, consider capitalizing on your youthful ambition.

I'm a musician/poet at heart so I think of things like an artist. Ever notice how the best artists are not usually doing their best work in their 60's, 70's and 80's? Has Paul McCartney or Sting done their best work in the past twenty years? Not at all. Their best work came in their twenties, thirties and forties. That's because they were hungry; hungry and ambitious.

We've all heard the phrase "stay hungry", many artists use this as motivation (see comedian Sebastian Maniscalco's Netflix special, e.g.).

Your are in the stage of your life where you are "hungry". Use that energy while you have it. Use it to grow your wealth, your career, yes, all that. But you can also use it in your personal life: use it to be the best father, husband, and citizen you can be.

The trick during your time of life is learning balance: balance that youthful "hunger" and ambition with some time for relaxation, vacations, etc.

FYI I'm 47, and I don't feel like I really even got my act together until mid-thirties. By that, I mean I learned about Bogleheads and started saving/investing the BH way; started my own law practice at 33.

I'll finish with one of my favorite quotes, from Bob Marley's song "Rat Race": "in the abundance of water, the fool is thirsty". Don't get caught up in the rat race, but while you have that youthful hunger, don't deny it, rather learn to use it and direct it towards your highest purposes.

[Houdini563]

For me I did not realize I made it until around 60. The amount I had saved for retirement was enough to retire and the ratio of stocks to fixed income to cash gave me comfort that no scenario could occur that would change things.

So at 62 I paid off my remaining $60,000 mortgage and at 63 purchased two brand new automobiles for my wife and I and then retired at 63 and two months. No bills. Will wait until 70 to take SS.

[Wannaretireearly]

I’ve felt this way once or twice. Then reality hits, usually from a thread or two here . Keeps me grounded and somewhat focused on the mission next few years.

I think there is a danger of never getting to “made it” and keep chasing the cheese hologram on the hamster wheel.

[warner25]

Many thanks to OP to linking to this thread from several years ago in a current post. I'm still reading through it, but there are some truly thoughtful gems in here that are worth reminding myself of.

I'm glad that you and others are getting something out of it too!

OP your NW is 500k and you are already 10%.

That was more than six years ago. I expect he's in an even better position by now.

OP is 35 now and just crossed $1 mil. Still worrying though.

Pretty much, yes. For the sake of an update, my wife and I are now in our mid-30s, with twice as many kids and double the net worth. We actually crossed $1M two years ago, coincidentally when the S&P 500 index first reached 4,000.

Late 2016 (when I started this thread) and early 2017 was a low point for our mental health due to some big life and career changes, opening of some old wounds, and sleep deprivation (caring for a new baby and a toddler). After working through some of that, as our net worth and my resume kept improving, in 2019-2020, I did start feeling more relaxed; thinking, "you know, our savings could cover our expenses for 20 years if necessary, and at the same time I've become much more employable than ever..." This allowed us to gradually relax our savings rate in ways that (we hoped) would further reduce stress. Then in 2022 our family suffered from a number of physical health problems that just dominated everything. I said in another thread that 2021 was the year in which we reached $1M, and 2022 was the year in which having money didn't seem to matter anymore (of course it did matter, but it couldn't solve our main problems).

While I certainly haven't stopped worrying, I do worry a lot less. I've also said in another thread that if I were single, I know I'd be doing some questionable and antisocial things to achieve something like an 80% savings rate, because that's just who I am.