mmmodem wrote: ↑Mon May 16, 2022 9:11 am
BHInvestor wrote: ↑Sun May 15, 2022 10:46 pmSometimes I feel alienated due to my frugal decisions however I feel sometimes guilty with the decisions made for my wife/kids. I'm sure that my family will be in a much better position than we are currently however it is going to take time. I'm checking in with my fellow BogleHeads if this is something normal.
The honest answer? Don't. Don't feel guilty. I don't. Many helpful replies here identify cheap versus frugal. Agreed, there's a big difference. Me? I just don't care. My cheapness and frugality bought my family our financial security. I grew up poor where being frugal was not enough, you had to go way past it to cheap just to survive. It was not a choice. It was a necessity.
So how do I handle it? When we discuss buying a particular thing, my wife may tell me I'm being cheap and to stop. I stop. I don't feel guilty. I take it to the extreme and she is my gate. If she is not there then I will maintain cheapness and I am perfectly fine with it. I don't know if it is BH normal but again... I don't care. I make fun of family for wasting money on their Teslas and overseas vacation. They in turn make fun of my 13 year old vehicle and free swag t-shirts I get from conventions. Feel confident in what you do. Good luck, OP.
ki
Gosh, I feel like I can come out of the closet. You nailed it…thanks for that!
I would like to add one other explanation/concept. While some folks think frugal/cheap or however you quantify low dollar spending habits, as a negative thing, I offer this as a possible explanation:
There is a very powerful peacefulness and contentment with being satisfied with what “Appears” to be a lower standard or subhuman condition a person resides within. Let me be excruciatingly clear, there is peace, harmony and happiness that resides with having ‘enough’…no matter how you as the Viewer place your perceptions upon my choices.
Happiness and contentment for me are buried within “simplicity and discomfort.” I don’t know why but it’s true for me, I love both and excel within their parameters.
A drawer full of tee shirts, blue jeans, those long white Sox my kids hate, and some undees are all I need for my main wardrobe. Of course I have wedding reception and funeral cloths, well, one set. I could live in an old conex or sleep under a spruce tree in a swamp and I’m completely satisfied. I own a very simple fishing boat with no cabin on it. I want to be cold and wet and feel the true parts of life that the luxuries of today’s world have sheltered from us. I have a nice truck but I also have an old POS minivan. I love a good beer but having a beer on Friday night has always been more special than a beer every night of the week. It is within discomfort, that comfort becomes meaningful.
I feel so blessed to have this mindset. I have friends and relatives who can’t camp with their wives because only a hotel room will do. They have money coming out of their ass and can purchase the best of everything they want and yet many are miserable. The most financially secure people I know are some of the most insecure people I know…who would have thought?
Of course for the sake of balance and maintaining good relations with wives and family members, I error on the side of their needs and wants. And believe me, if wifee wants it after discussing, she buys it. Buy the kids great clothes and please don’t make them suffer ridicule in school. But when my wonderful wifee is chiding me to go buy some new boots when I’m wearing old ripped sneakers working in the mud and rain and I can’t feel the discomfort or cold, I realize I’m truly a lucky man! …and the Smiths and Jones can all kiss my ass because if I scaled happiness among everyone I know or have known, those with less are consistently happier than those flaunting all the crap They own that no one else gives a rats ass about. Ask any priest, divorce attorney, financial advisor or marriage counselor about their clients and they will confirm my words.
Happiness occurs when reaching your satisfaction and contentment with regards to how you dress, what you drive, the square feet of your home, etc.
Bottom line, “frugal and cheap” may be an outsider’s assessment of a person’s lifestyle, purchases, and the items they surround themselves with. But the truth may simply be the person has fulfilled their specific need and happiness and contentment have been achieved…