How to manage half a couple in retirement

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cresive
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How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by cresive » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:29 am

I have a question for the retired couples among us. I have a few years to go, but as things stand, I will retire quite a few years earlier than my significant other; maybe up to 5 years. How have others managed when one partner is retired, but the other is still working in a significant job-i.e. a career position?

To complicate things further, has anyone moved while one spouse is still working? We live in a HCOL area, and while I like my job, I can’t wait to move to someplace with lower costs and less traffic. I was hoping we could move as soon as I retire. Does anyone have success stories about one spouse finding a good job in a new location?

Thanks for your insights,
Ben

bob60014
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by bob60014 » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:34 am

What has the other half said so far about this? Are they onboard?

GlennK
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by GlennK » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:42 am

It took me 10 years to talk my wife into moving south out of Ohio. This was when we were still both working. I had worked in North Carolina and liked most things. But my wife hated it for various reasons which I agreed with some of them.

This was all in the planning for retirement stage. Unfortunately, she passed away from lung cancer 3 years ago so all our planning was for naught. Well, I guess it set me up for a fairly comfortable retirement in a couple years.

Only reason I bring this up is to encourage you to both be on board, and start the planning early. Visit the locations you are thinking about moving to and look to see what they offer. I still plan on moving south (Southeast USA - just not positive on state but leaning towards Tennessee) and will be visiting Knoxville this summer if the covid-19 virus [edit by Moderator Misenplace] is cleared up by then.

livesoft
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by livesoft » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:45 am

I don't see any problems with this situation. My spouse stills works. I go on my solo vacations and she goes on her solo vacations. We both go on vacations together, too. We are not chained together at the wrists and ankles despite being married 37+ years. So we do many things together and many things not together just like we have done since getting married.

While we don't have separate homes, many couples have 2 or more homes although one may be a vacation home or an apartment and do the split living arrangement at least part of the year. My vacation home is a tent; my spouse's vacation home is a 4-star hotel or nicer airbnb.
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cresive
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by cresive » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:55 am

bob60014 wrote:
Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:34 am
What has the other half said so far about this? Are they onboard?
Great question. We are just now realizing the time difference (or at least broaching the subject). My SO is in banking so could transfer to the new area, but we haven't investigated anything yet. My question was to ask for any land mines I should avoid, or get some ideas that worked really well. Like I said, I am a few years out, so we are just now beginning to plan.

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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by TomatoTomahto » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:57 am

Happily married for over a quarter century. Around 20 years ago I became a Stay At Home Dad (SAHD) which I don’t count as retired, but I no longer worked for a paycheck. When my kids went off to college some years ago, I guess that counts as retirement.

I had consistently wished for my wife to retire, but have made my peace with her continuing to work (it makes her happy) and. to be honest, a paycheck is not the worst thing to get even though we don’t “need” one.

I had wanted to move out of NJ for some years. My wife found a job in Boston, not a dramatically lower COL, and we found a wonderful rural setting for another stage of our lives. I had wanted to rent a medium sized apartment in town, but acquiesced to owning a top-large house with many amenities; the dogs, wife, and I are very happy here 😁
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cresive
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by cresive » Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:59 am

GlennK wrote:
Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:42 am
It took me 10 years to talk my wife into moving south out of Ohio. This was when we were still both working. I had worked in North Carolina and liked most things. But my wife hated it for various reasons which I agreed with some of them.

This was all in the planning for retirement stage. Unfortunately, she passed away from lung cancer 3 years ago so all our planning was for naught. Well, I guess it set me up for a fairly comfortable retirement in a couple years.

Only reason I bring this up is to encourage you to both be on board, and start the planning early. Visit the locations you are thinking about moving to and look to see what they offer. I still plan on moving south (Southeast USA - just not positive on state but leaning towards Tennessee) and will be visiting Knoxville this summer if the covid-19 virus [edit by Moderator Misenplace] is cleared up by then.
Great point. Fortunately, we are doing this. I have read many articles on relocating in retirement and plan to do just that. I didn't mention that I have property in FL, and have been to the area (Fort Lauderdale) for every season of the year. That may be where we land, but we are pursuing other options as well. I have a medium and short list of spots we plan to investigate thoroughly, based upon our desired climate, crime, livability, taxes, COL, etc. I should probably share my spread sheet on here sometime.

I am very sorry to hear that cancer derailed your plans. We have NOT planned for that.

Thank you for your insightful response,
Ben

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Watty
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by Watty » Thu Mar 26, 2020 8:09 am

cresive wrote:
Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:29 am
Does anyone have success stories about one spouse finding a good job in a new location?
Moving is actually easier when only one spouse is working.

It was long before I was ready to retire but I did a cross country job relocation during a merger and one of the reasons that was possible was that my wife was a stay at home parent then so that made it easier for her to move.

The company was shutting down my old office and pretty much anyone that wanted to could have had a company paid move to the new company headquarters. For most people that had a working spouse moving would have made little sense because their spouse would need to find a job in the new city. There were lots of other considerations but only a couple of people decided to relocate.

gr7070
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by gr7070 » Thu Mar 26, 2020 12:16 pm

As for the move and less traffic I would defer, or at least the preponderance of the decision, to the spouse left working.

The commute as well as their career and who they work for are what's affected most by a move. This hardly impacts the one retired, at least by comparison.

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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by TomatoTomahto » Thu Mar 26, 2020 5:23 pm

gr7070 wrote:
Thu Mar 26, 2020 12:16 pm
As for the move and less traffic I would defer, or at least the preponderance of the decision, to the spouse left working.

The commute as well as their career and who they work for are what's affected most by a move. This hardly impacts the one retired, at least by comparison.
I agree to some extent, but the “at home” member has more interaction with neighbors, PTA, local politics, landscapers, etc.

I came to strongly dislike NJ, even though I didn’t commute.
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Hubris
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Re: How to manage half a couple in retirement

Post by Hubris » Thu Mar 26, 2020 6:25 pm

I just retired earlier this month, DS just started a new job in Nov 2019 with a least a 3 yr commitment and we’re moving out of state in 2 weeks.

We’re both on board with the Relo but DS is pushing for it with more urgency, partly just due to temperament but also since we bought the 2nd house sooner than planned. Her offices are closed so she’s working from home and she may as well work from the new home, and she had negotiated remote work and commuting as needed as part of taking job.

I agree that it’s better to have someone still working so that both of our lives aren’t completely consumed by the Relo, and having income at same time is also good, especially in today’s circumstances. Also, helps to keep the economy moving a bit, providing work and revenues related to the move.

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