Are you a "solo ager?"
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Good question! For now I have people who will help with my care. But I might end up solo. Perhaps by then I will not care?
Retired 2019. So far, so good. I want to wake up every morning. But I want to die in my sleep. Just another conundrum. I think the solution might be afternoon naps ;)
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I can't help but wonder about the untapped entrepreneurial opportunities here. I've spent enough time in nursing homes to know that past 85 your health and well-being is often totally entrusted to caregivers around you. Many of those caregivers treat it as just a job and are not emotionally invested in positive outcomes. Emotional investment and trust are hard problems to solve.
Last edited by mac808 on Mon Aug 12, 2019 11:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Thank you. I have a nephew and we've been close over the years, but he has no financial sense and has not been very successful career-wise or even life-wise. However, he has a good heart and good intentions. Perhaps pairing him with a fiduciary might be a possible course of action for me that I hadn't thought about. I'll have to look into this. The tricky part is finding the right fiduciary. Another concern is that I might not be living near my nephew. Yet another concern is that he might have his hands full with his parents (my sister and BIL) who are the same age as I.GerryL wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 11:34 amMy plan is to have a team that includes my nephew and a professional fiduciary so that no major financial moves can be made by a single person. Don't know yet how to make that happen, but I have asked my nephew if he would be willing. With luck, I won't suffer severe cognitive decline and will stay physically capable and the LTC insurance company will get to keep all the money I've paid them in premiums. Hope for the best; plan for the worst.carolinaman wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:57 am I see potential issues with this. It is risky to find even close family members to do this. Once you have cognitive decline, there is a great temptation to misuse the funds. I think having some oversight over the fiduciary is advised. For example, if you have an attorney as fiduciary, have a CPA review your accounts each year to assure compliance with your care and objectives. I know, I lean toward paranoia with things like this, but I have seen so many situations where the fiduciary basically siphoned off the person's funds.
On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
My nephew, who lives in another state, is not schooled in investing, but he does have a good head on his shoulders and has good financial sense. (And I gave him a copy of the Bogleheads book when he graduated from college several years ago.) His parents are both older than me. (Poor kid.) All the more reason to ask him to be involved -- as part of a team -- but not to expect him to take a lead role.CULater wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 11:51 amThank you. I have a nephew and we've been close over the years, but he has no financial sense and has not been very successful career-wise or even life-wise. However, he has a good heart and good intentions. Perhaps pairing him with a fiduciary might be a possible course of action for me that I hadn't thought about. I'll have to look into this. The tricky part is finding the right fiduciary. Another concern is that I might not be living near my nephew. Yet another concern is that he might have his hands full with his parents (my sister and BIL) who are the same age as I.GerryL wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 11:34 amMy plan is to have a team that includes my nephew and a professional fiduciary so that no major financial moves can be made by a single person. Don't know yet how to make that happen, but I have asked my nephew if he would be willing. With luck, I won't suffer severe cognitive decline and will stay physically capable and the LTC insurance company will get to keep all the money I've paid them in premiums. Hope for the best; plan for the worst.carolinaman wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:57 am I see potential issues with this. It is risky to find even close family members to do this. Once you have cognitive decline, there is a great temptation to misuse the funds. I think having some oversight over the fiduciary is advised. For example, if you have an attorney as fiduciary, have a CPA review your accounts each year to assure compliance with your care and objectives. I know, I lean toward paranoia with things like this, but I have seen so many situations where the fiduciary basically siphoned off the person's funds.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I certainly wouldn’t consider an independent apartment in a CCRC until my late 70’s, barring a medical condition that might require me to move in sooner. The average age is such that a 65-year-old would be a youngster.CULater wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:14 amI've been looking into CCRCs and have one major hangup. They resemble "life annuities" in the sense that you exchange a large upfront sum of money for the promise of lifetime healthcare, and you are locked into that "life care annuity" until you're done. That facility will be the place you reside for the rest of your life. If things change, such as family/friends moving away, you're locked in. If things change, such as the CCRC becomes a less desirable place to be, you're locked in. It's essentially a one-way non-revokable decision. You've got to be pretty sure about what you're doing. Maybe that's why the average age of people who choose a CCRC tends to be pretty old, in the 80s I believe. People wait until they're less likely to care about moving out or changing their minds because they're getting pretty close to the end of the road. How long are you likely to last in a CCRC if you are in your 80s when you move in? Is it worth the large sum of money you'll probably end of forfeiting? Like an annuity, most of the people who enter CCRCs end up paying the cost of the small percentage who live for years in assisted living/nursing care, minus the profit and the overhead collected by the CCRC. Is it worth it? If your choices are limited and you won't have someone to look after you, manage your financial and healthcare, and be your advocate, perhaps. For us solo agers, perhaps.changingtimes wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 8:56 amAssuming that there hasn't been a sea change in elder care by the time I get there, I am assuming I will end up in a CCRC (or whatever its future equivalent is). Hopefully they will start creating them for urban hipsters.delamer wrote: ↑Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:54 pm A solo ager with financial means should certainly consider a CCRC. Not only do they offer the opportunity to live in the circumstances that you need as you age, but there are medical personnel and social workers to make determinations when you should make transitions to higher levels of care.
The staff at my mother’s CCRC are the ones who alerted me to how severe her cognitive decline was.
In some ways, finding a trusted financial surrogate is harder.
If you are a solo ager, why would you be concerned about “forfeiting” your money? You don’t have any direct heirs who you want to pass money onto.
I agree with you about the basic financial model, but it isn’t really any different than medical insurance. A small percentage of the population accounts for a very high percentage of the costs. At least with a CCRC, you receive housing, food, transportation, medical attention, and social activities in return for your deposit/premium even if you never need to leave your independent apartment.
My intention isn’t to minimize the decision to turn over a large sum of money to an entity that is promising to provide care for you for the rest of your life. A lot of research and due diligence is required. But I disagree with some of the objections raised in this thread.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I recently went to a "preview party" of a senior living facility being built near me.
The preview party was interesting -over 100 people there. Average age of people attending
this "preview" was about 79 I'd say. The price varies by
floorplan. there isn't a "buy in" fee of several hundred thousand -like with a CCRC but there IS
a "community fee" of between $20,000 - $100,000 based on the size of
the unit you will "rent". It is amortized over 5 years - meaning if you decide
to leave or you die, you or your estate gets some $$ back. Let's say after
2 years you want to leave, you would get 3/5ths of your 'community fee' back.
Essentially you are "renting" so do you need
renter's insurance? Your homeowner's insurance expense goes away
of course but I wonder -do you need renter's insurance?
on the website it says this:
"Residents will have the option to select one of two meal plans: All-Inclusive (meals included in your monthly fee)
or A La Carte (pay as you go). We believe this will give residents the freedom to choose what best suits their needs."
Had I stayed for the question/answer period after the one hour presentation I would have asked
more about this. I think if you want the pay-as-you-go meal plan the monthly fee is less.
They said they will have a "concierge" in the lobby to greet you. this I could do without.
also what happens if you run out of money ? do they kick you out?
If i sold my house i could afford this. if I rent out my house i could also afford this but
why would I rent it out? I would still have the upkeep and property taxes to deal with !!
and the homeowners! best to sell I would imagine.
https://silvergaterr.com/
The preview party was interesting -over 100 people there. Average age of people attending
this "preview" was about 79 I'd say. The price varies by
floorplan. there isn't a "buy in" fee of several hundred thousand -like with a CCRC but there IS
a "community fee" of between $20,000 - $100,000 based on the size of
the unit you will "rent". It is amortized over 5 years - meaning if you decide
to leave or you die, you or your estate gets some $$ back. Let's say after
2 years you want to leave, you would get 3/5ths of your 'community fee' back.
Essentially you are "renting" so do you need
renter's insurance? Your homeowner's insurance expense goes away
of course but I wonder -do you need renter's insurance?
on the website it says this:
"Residents will have the option to select one of two meal plans: All-Inclusive (meals included in your monthly fee)
or A La Carte (pay as you go). We believe this will give residents the freedom to choose what best suits their needs."
Had I stayed for the question/answer period after the one hour presentation I would have asked
more about this. I think if you want the pay-as-you-go meal plan the monthly fee is less.
They said they will have a "concierge" in the lobby to greet you. this I could do without.
also what happens if you run out of money ? do they kick you out?
If i sold my house i could afford this. if I rent out my house i could also afford this but
why would I rent it out? I would still have the upkeep and property taxes to deal with !!
and the homeowners! best to sell I would imagine.
https://silvergaterr.com/
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
From what I understand, CCRC's are targeting people who are still active and able to live independently. Many will then guarantee to move those residents to high level care (e.g., assisted living and eventually nursing or memory care) as needed. If you are already requiring assistance, you may not be accepted into a community where you would want to live.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Right.GerryL wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:39 pmFrom what I understand, CCRC's are targeting people who are still active and able to live independently. Many will then guarantee to move those residents to high level care (e.g., assisted living and eventually nursing or memory care) as needed. If you are already requiring assistance, you may not be accepted into a community where you would want to live.
However, you might have a mild version of a medical condition in your 60’s that would allow you to be admitted to a CCRC. But that condition could cause deterioration to the point that you could not be admitted at 80. That’s the situation that I was referring to above.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I'd say: read the documentation very carefully. So many things can be interpreted differently later.CULater wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:14 amI've been looking into CCRCs and have one major hangup. They resemble "life annuities" in the sense that you exchange a large upfront sum of money for the promise of lifetime healthcare, and you are locked into that "life care annuity" until you're done. That facility will be the place you reside for the rest of your life. If things change, such as family/friends moving away, you're locked in. If things change, such as the CCRC becomes a less desirable place to be, you're locked in. It's essentially a one-way non-revokable decision. You've got to be pretty sure about what you're doing. Maybe that's why the average age of people who choose a CCRC tends to be pretty old, in the 80s I believe. People wait until they're less likely to care about moving out or changing their minds because they're getting pretty close to the end of the road. How long are you likely to last in a CCRC if you are in your 80s when you move in? Is it worth the large sum of money you'll probably end of forfeiting? Like an annuity, most of the people who enter CCRCs end up paying the cost of the small percentage who live for years in assisted living/nursing care, minus the profit and the overhead collected by the CCRC. Is it worth it? If your choices are limited and you won't have someone to look after you, manage your financial and healthcare, and be your advocate, perhaps. For us solo agers, perhaps.changingtimes wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 8:56 amAssuming that there hasn't been a sea change in elder care by the time I get there, I am assuming I will end up in a CCRC (or whatever its future equivalent is). Hopefully they will start creating them for urban hipsters.delamer wrote: ↑Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:54 pm A solo ager with financial means should certainly consider a CCRC. Not only do they offer the opportunity to live in the circumstances that you need as you age, but there are medical personnel and social workers to make determinations when you should make transitions to higher levels of care.
The staff at my mother’s CCRC are the ones who alerted me to how severe her cognitive decline was.
In some ways, finding a trusted financial surrogate is harder.
There's a retirement community (not CCRC) in my area which wants to put more units in the same land area, which means shifting from single 'family' homes to apartment style. There are about 20 units who bought in 20+ years ago who are now being told that they were not promised they could stay in same 'unit' (single family home). They are now being told they were only guaranteed a unit on the property, and they're being told they need to move into apartments. Some have moved, others have been trying to fight this. Apparently, the language in the documents was ambiguous enough that the owner of the property is trying to do this - although the owners and their lawyer say the paperwork says they could stay in the 'unit' they're currently in, and they paid fees up front for lifetime occupancy. Courts will end up deciding.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Lots of folks with dementia actually die from pneumonia--the flap that routes food to the stomach vs. air to the lungs becomes weakened (this is part of the disease). If you don't want to live forever with dementia, write into your advanced health directive that if you are diagnosed with dementia, that you do not want antibiotics or hospitalization for pneumonia, nor do you want a feeding tube. Then MAKE SURE the directive gets to the hospital if you end up there. In my experience, the hospital "lost" my mother's advanced health care directive between hospital stays that were just one month apart. Make sure that your family understands the advanced health care directive, because the hospital docs will for sure try to do the exact measures you do not want, and it is up to your family to say to that doctor, "Doctor, what is your understanding of the advanced health directive? Does it indicate that he/she wants a feeding tube? Yes, we do want his/her wishes followed, even if it means being on hospice."billthecat wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 10:05 amI wonder if I would even want to continue living once dementia kicks in. I mean, what’s the point if all you are doing is languishing in a hospital being moved from bed to wheel chair to bathroom and back again unaware of the world.CULater wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 7:58 amLikewise with my mother, who is still living at 102 and has suffered from dementia since her mid-late 80s. Without my sister and myself I can't imagine how she would have fared. I have no children to see me through this "tail risk" scenario, so have to figure out how to take care of myself before I can no longer take care of myself.GerryL wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 1:53 amSpoken with the conviction of someone who has never had to deal with the cognitive decline of a close friend or relative.smectym wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 12:44 am There are tragic situations. However, there is a lot of marketing of “cognitive decline,” and as we age we’ll find relatives ( some disinterested but others with an agenda), medical professsionals, and financial advisors or would-be advisors seeking to pry control of assets away from the earners of those assets. Without in any way minimizing the problem, I’d also counsel a healthy degree of skepticism. If you have been handling money for decades, you’re not likely to either suddenly (or, in many cases, even “gradually,” or ever before death) become incompetent to make reasonable decisions about asset allocation and disposition.
The default: stay in control. The law is on your side.
Having seen what happened to my mother*, I am committed to arranging my affairs so that I can manage as long as possible and then, if necessary, hand off financial affairs to a trusted team. Establishing that trusted team is the hard part.
* She went from someone who could program an old VHS recorder to someone who did not understand how to change the channels on her tv.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Unless you're like my mother, who handled family accounts for her whole life, including before and after my father died when she was only 52, and then developed cognitive problems due to undiagnosed and untreated hypertension. She is now in assisted living and can't remember anything that happened within the last few months and years, although is fine with anything older, still works crossword puzzles, fine with math, etc. Fortunately, the financial smarts that she displayed up until two-three years ago resulted in enough savings to live comfortably for the rest of her life (she's in her 90's), and she did all the legal groundwork that allowed me to take over her financial and health affairs.smectym wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 12:44 am There are tragic situations. However, there is a lot of marketing of “cognitive decline,” and as we age we’ll find relatives ( some disinterested but others with an agenda), medical professsionals, and financial advisors or would-be advisors seeking to pry control of assets away from the earners of those assets. Without in any way minimizing the problem, I’d also counsel a healthy degree of skepticism. If you have been handling money for decades, you’re not likely to either suddenly (or, in many cases, even “gradually,” or ever before death) become incompetent to make reasonable decisions about asset allocation and disposition.
The default: stay in control. The law is on your side.
Don't be so sure about how cognitive issues arise, and how serious they can be.
The continuous execution of a sound strategy gives you the benefit of the strategy. That's what it's all about. --Rick Ferri
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Hypothetically, if you are alone as you age and do become demented and on your own pass away sooner-what difference will this make?CULater wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 7:58 amLikewise with my mother, who is still living at 102 and has suffered from dementia since her mid-late 80s. Without my sister and myself I can't imagine how she would have fared. I have no children to see me through this "tail risk" scenario, so have to figure out how to take care of myself before I can no longer take care of myself.GerryL wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 1:53 amSpoken with the conviction of someone who has never had to deal with the cognitive decline of a close friend or relative.smectym wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 12:44 am There are tragic situations. However, there is a lot of marketing of “cognitive decline,” and as we age we’ll find relatives ( some disinterested but others with an agenda), medical professsionals, and financial advisors or would-be advisors seeking to pry control of assets away from the earners of those assets. Without in any way minimizing the problem, I’d also counsel a healthy degree of skepticism. If you have been handling money for decades, you’re not likely to either suddenly (or, in many cases, even “gradually,” or ever before death) become incompetent to make reasonable decisions about asset allocation and disposition.
The default: stay in control. The law is on your side.
Having seen what happened to my mother*, I am committed to arranging my affairs so that I can manage as long as possible and then, if necessary, hand off financial affairs to a trusted team. Establishing that trusted team is the hard part.
* She went from someone who could program an old VHS recorder to someone who did not understand how to change the channels on her tv.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
It's not the death. It's the dying. Death occurs and it is done. Dying can happen quickly or slowly. Dying can be peaceful or painful. I think most people are worried about quality of the final weeks/months/years before death. Even if they should have dementia when that time comes, they hope to be able to die with dignity.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Although it is not as purely practical or actionable as other resources mentioned in this thread, I would recommend:
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
It offers a perspective on the aging process as well as on the changing trends in assisted living and other elder-care institutions. It is an eye-opener on what people might expect. It's also compelling and extremely well-written. Gawande is a MacArthur Fellowship recipient, professor at Harvard Medical School, a surgeon and was recently appointed as CEO of the healthcare organization being formed by Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos and Jaime Diamon.
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
It offers a perspective on the aging process as well as on the changing trends in assisted living and other elder-care institutions. It is an eye-opener on what people might expect. It's also compelling and extremely well-written. Gawande is a MacArthur Fellowship recipient, professor at Harvard Medical School, a surgeon and was recently appointed as CEO of the healthcare organization being formed by Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos and Jaime Diamon.
- Phineas J. Whoopee
- Posts: 9675
- Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2011 5:18 pm
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Loss of cognitive ability is not loss of emotion, nor loss of the feeling of physical pain or pleasure.
On a personal note, the idea of being dead does not bother me. The dying process does.
PJW
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Another excellent book that I can recommend is "The Gift of Caring: Saving our parents from the perils of modern healthcare." Although it does not focus on the solo-ager, it is a very practical guide to how to deal with the aging process when it intersects with the healthcare system. I no longer have parents, but I see it as a reference to help me prepare myself and "my team" (whoever that turns out to be) for future possibilities.Chaconne wrote: ↑Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:45 pm Although it is not as purely practical or actionable as other resources mentioned in this thread, I would recommend:
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
It offers a perspective on the aging process as well as on the changing trends in assisted living and other elder-care institutions. It is an eye-opener on what people might expect. It's also compelling and extremely well-written. Gawande is a MacArthur Fellowship recipient, professor at Harvard Medical School, a surgeon and was recently appointed as CEO of the healthcare organization being formed by Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos and Jaime Diamon.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
On the plus side...
Solo is not my chosen path, but there are benefits.
-National Council on AgingIn almost 60% of elder abuse and neglect incidents, the perpetrator is a family member. Two thirds of perpetrators are adult children or spouses.
Solo is not my chosen path, but there are benefits.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
How is living with dementia better then?GerryL wrote: ↑Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:13 pmIt's not the death. It's the dying. Death occurs and it is done. Dying can happen quickly or slowly. Dying can be peaceful or painful. I think most people are worried about quality of the final weeks/months/years before death. Even if they should have dementia when that time comes, they hope to be able to die with dignity.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Living with dementia is living a tortured life.Phineas J. Whoopee wrote: ↑Tue Aug 13, 2019 2:15 pmLoss of cognitive ability is not loss of emotion, nor loss of the feeling of physical pain or pleasure.
On a personal note, the idea of being dead does not bother me. The dying process does.
PJW
No amount of family support makes the dementia palatable it is painful as the world around loses meaning and memories fade away. Where loved ones become strangers and everyday living becomes more distant.
Dying with dignity doesnt have to include prolonging the dementia itself.
Living with family does not guarantee this is a better or more meaningful experience because the experience itself becomes meaningless.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
There is dignitas.ch:GerryL wrote: ↑Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:13 pmIt's not the death. It's the dying. Death occurs and it is done. Dying can happen quickly or slowly. Dying can be peaceful or painful. I think most people are worried about quality of the final weeks/months/years before death. Even if they should have dementia when that time comes, they hope to be able to die with dignity.
http://www.dignitas.ch/index.php?lang=en
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Another good book: Katy Butler's "The Art of Dying Well". It isn't about solo aging specifically, but it discusses a number of practical ways to increase one's odds of having a better ending, and there are things one can do (or avoid doing) decades before the end. Though of course one can do all the right things and still have a bad ending.
A long-time caregiver might have a significant shorter lifespan than that of the elder being cared for, at least according to some studies. I find comfort in that.CULater wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 7:58 am Likewise with my mother, who is still living at 102 and has suffered from dementia since her mid-late 80s. Without my sister and myself I can't imagine how she would have fared. I have no children to see me through this "tail risk" scenario, so have to figure out how to take care of myself before I can no longer take care of myself.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
That is the risk. It isn't really a binary thing. Think of it like driving. It isn't like one day you wake up as an unsafe driver. It is more that every year you become slightly worse (eyesight goes, reactions slow,...). It is very hard for you to come to the conclusion that you should stop driving and you often need outside intervention. Same thing with money. At some point you go to that annuity seminar and you go from getting a free dinner to buying everyone else in the room a free dinner:) Google all the scams that pray on the elderly. I can assure you that most people wouldn't be falling for them in their 50s.tc101 wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 10:21 amThat was not true for my father. He was a very sharp investor. Then in his mid 80's he started getting confused. At first he realized he was in a state of cognitive decline and asked my brother and me for help. Then a few years later he started to think he was a brilliant investor and started doing really stupid things. A so called "friend" talked him into a very bad investment. It was a mess.If you have been handling money for decades, you’re not likely to either suddenly (or, in many cases, even “gradually,” or ever before death) become incompetent to make reasonable decisions about asset allocation and disposition.
I think it is very common for people to become incompetent as they age, and often not realize it.
Now this isn't saying all elderly people are suffering cognitive declines that make managing money impossible. It is just hard as a person involved to figure out when they have lost the ability. And the people around you will tend to try and give you the benefit of the doubt as much as possible.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
That statistic while sobering may not tell you what you think it is telling you. I am guessing family members make up the bulk of care givers thus it may not be surprising they also make up the bulk of abusers. What would be more telling would be are family members or hired help more likely to be abusers.
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Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Not solo now, but who knows the future.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
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Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
There are different financial models for CCRCs. Some will return the upfront fee (usually large in this case) if you leave or die, although without interest or an allowance for inflation. Some are month by month with no guarantee of care if you run out of money. I found a book by Ruth Alvarez on CCRCs helpful in sorting this out. In my state (NC) they have to file detailed financial disclosure statements which obviously should be read with care...delamer wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 1:17 pmI certainly wouldn’t consider an independent apartment in a CCRC until my late 70’s, barring a medical condition that might require me to move in sooner. The average age is such that a 65-year-old would be a youngster.CULater wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 10:14 amI've been looking into CCRCs and have one major hangup. They resemble "life annuities" in the sense that you exchange a large upfront sum of money for the promise of lifetime healthcare, and you are locked into that "life care annuity" until you're done. That facility will be the place you reside for the rest of your life. If things change, such as family/friends moving away, you're locked in. If things change, such as the CCRC becomes a less desirable place to be, you're locked in. It's essentially a one-way non-revokable decision. You've got to be pretty sure about what you're doing. Maybe that's why the average age of people who choose a CCRC tends to be pretty old, in the 80s I believe. People wait until they're less likely to care about moving out or changing their minds because they're getting pretty close to the end of the road. How long are you likely to last in a CCRC if you are in your 80s when you move in? Is it worth the large sum of money you'll probably end of forfeiting? Like an annuity, most of the people who enter CCRCs end up paying the cost of the small percentage who live for years in assisted living/nursing care, minus the profit and the overhead collected by the CCRC. Is it worth it? If your choices are limited and you won't have someone to look after you, manage your financial and healthcare, and be your advocate, perhaps. For us solo agers, perhaps.changingtimes wrote: ↑Mon Aug 12, 2019 8:56 amAssuming that there hasn't been a sea change in elder care by the time I get there, I am assuming I will end up in a CCRC (or whatever its future equivalent is). Hopefully they will start creating them for urban hipsters.delamer wrote: ↑Sun Aug 11, 2019 4:54 pm A solo ager with financial means should certainly consider a CCRC. Not only do they offer the opportunity to live in the circumstances that you need as you age, but there are medical personnel and social workers to make determinations when you should make transitions to higher levels of care.
The staff at my mother’s CCRC are the ones who alerted me to how severe her cognitive decline was.
In some ways, finding a trusted financial surrogate is harder.
If you are a solo ager, why would you be concerned about “forfeiting” your money? You don’t have any direct heirs who you want to pass money onto.
I agree with you about the basic financial model, but it isn’t really any different than medical insurance. A small percentage of the population accounts for a very high percentage of the costs. At least with a CCRC, you receive housing, food, transportation, medical attention, and social activities in return for your deposit/premium even if you never need to leave your independent apartment.
My intention isn’t to minimize the decision to turn over a large sum of money to an entity that is promising to provide care for you for the rest of your life. A lot of research and due diligence is required. But I disagree with some of the objections raised in this thread.
In my area the good ones have multi-year waiting lists, especially long ones for two-bedroom units, so if you think may want to move to one you should sign up early. Usually you can refuse an offer and just stay on the waiting list if you are not ready. When you do move in you will be subject to both a health and financial check, so waiting too long is a mistake.
Thursday's child has far to go
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Yes - I see the potential benefits of such medical "robots", but, as a Senior male, while my recent two "experiences" of having a Foley Catheter 'inserted' by young, female nurses were rather unpleasant experiences, I am not sure I would want a robot to do something like that to me!
I, now, FULLY understand the general statement:
"Be nice to nurses, they pick the size of your catheter!"
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Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Not in my experience.smectym wrote: ↑Sat Aug 10, 2019 12:44 am There are tragic situations. However, there is a lot of marketing of “cognitive decline,” and as we age we’ll find relatives ( some disinterested but others with an agenda), medical professsionals, and financial advisors or would-be advisors seeking to pry control of assets away from the earners of those assets. Without in any way minimizing the problem, I’d also counsel a healthy degree of skepticism. If you have been handling money for decades, you’re not likely to either suddenly (or, in many cases, even “gradually,” or ever before death) become incompetent to make reasonable decisions about asset allocation and disposition.
The default: stay in control. The law is on your side.
Mom divorced around age 40...just a few years later (looking back through records after her death) she had lost the ability even to balance a checkbook.
That was literally a decade before she was officially diagnosed with dementia (a non-Alzheimer's form that strikes as early as one's 40s)
What delayed anyone finding out about her financial problems was lifetime alimony and a hefty untaxed property settlement (~$750,000 in 2019 dollars)...which of course was all but gone by the time I found out about her financial problems.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
This is true my mother's best friend buried both of her children and her husband. Very sad.changingtimes wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:54 am Every so often I do remind myself that having kids--or being married!--isn't a guarantee that you won't be mostly on your own during the aging process.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
After my divorce I figured out I preferred to live a solo life (and I am loving it so far). I started reading up on a lot of studies of single people and the like and you are correct a lot of studies show that women do single better than men and I say this as a man. It seems to come down to largely that women are better are maintaining robust social networks which help them especially as they age. Men are much more likely to be isolated with little support. This is on average of course. It is something I am beginning to work on because during my marriage I let a lot of my social network lapse.dm200 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:01 am Not solo now, but who knows the future.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I am likely in this boat and have been planning accordingly. Once the financial plan was in place and funded my thoughts turned increasingly to the social side. I have a small circle of cronies in the community where I plan to retire, but they are not getting any younger either.
So the "build a community" bit is what caught my attention in the articles, specifically the value of "weak tie" communities:
'People who don’t expand their social networks can find themselves isolated and lonely as friends die or move closer to their grandkids. Strengthening ties with relatives and making new friends, particularly younger ones, can counteract that trend. So can cultivating relationships with neighbors, coffee shop buddies and other acquaintances. A 2014 study found people with more of these “weak tie” relationships reported being happier.'
~~~~~~~~~
I expect to spend some time in an assisted living community at some point, and think I want to be proactive about checking out if necessary. Zeke Emmanuel's 2014 Atlantic article "Why I Hope to Die at 75" is a major influence, except my number is 85 because like everyone I share it with my take is "75 is too young." Zeke does not favor the proactive exit strategy - leaves a scar on those left behind - and I respect that. His plan is to accept no medical care after 75, painkillers excepted.
But I really, really don't want to spend years as a virtual diaper-wearing vegetable, if that's the alternative. Or suffer the tortures of the damned with chemo or whatever in order to buy a couple more severely compromised years. So a different kind of assistance may be the ticket when the time comes.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... 75/379329/
So the "build a community" bit is what caught my attention in the articles, specifically the value of "weak tie" communities:
'People who don’t expand their social networks can find themselves isolated and lonely as friends die or move closer to their grandkids. Strengthening ties with relatives and making new friends, particularly younger ones, can counteract that trend. So can cultivating relationships with neighbors, coffee shop buddies and other acquaintances. A 2014 study found people with more of these “weak tie” relationships reported being happier.'
~~~~~~~~~
I expect to spend some time in an assisted living community at some point, and think I want to be proactive about checking out if necessary. Zeke Emmanuel's 2014 Atlantic article "Why I Hope to Die at 75" is a major influence, except my number is 85 because like everyone I share it with my take is "75 is too young." Zeke does not favor the proactive exit strategy - leaves a scar on those left behind - and I respect that. His plan is to accept no medical care after 75, painkillers excepted.
But I really, really don't want to spend years as a virtual diaper-wearing vegetable, if that's the alternative. Or suffer the tortures of the damned with chemo or whatever in order to buy a couple more severely compromised years. So a different kind of assistance may be the ticket when the time comes.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... 75/379329/
"I know nothing."
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
In recent years, I have been acquainted with several women who were divorced from their husbands decades before, but these women assumed a "caregiver" role in their ex-husband's later years - and, when he died, took care of his funeral, etc.THY4373 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:10 pmAfter my divorce I figured out I preferred to live a solo life (and I am loving it so far). I started reading up on a lot of studies of single people and the like and you are correct a lot of studies show that women do single better than men and I say this as a man. It seems to come down to largely that women are better are maintaining robust social networks which help them especially as they age. Men are much more likely to be isolated with little support. This is on average of course. It is something I am beginning to work on because during my marriage I let a lot of my social network lapse.dm200 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:01 am Not solo now, but who knows the future.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Do you know any men who did the same for their ex-wives?dm200 wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:28 pmIn recent years, I have been acquainted with several women who were divorced from their husbands decades before, but these women assumed a "caregiver" role in their ex-husband's later years - and, when he died, took care of his funeral, etc.THY4373 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:10 pmAfter my divorce I figured out I preferred to live a solo life (and I am loving it so far). I started reading up on a lot of studies of single people and the like and you are correct a lot of studies show that women do single better than men and I say this as a man. It seems to come down to largely that women are better are maintaining robust social networks which help them especially as they age. Men are much more likely to be isolated with little support. This is on average of course. It is something I am beginning to work on because during my marriage I let a lot of my social network lapse.dm200 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:01 am Not solo now, but who knows the future.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
No.delamer wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:31 pmdm200 wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:28 pmIn recent years, I have been acquainted with several women who were divorced from their husbands decades before, but these women assumed a "caregiver" role in their ex-husband's later years - and, when he died, took care of his funeral, etc.THY4373 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:10 pmAfter my divorce I figured out I preferred to live a solo life (and I am loving it so far). I started reading up on a lot of studies of single people and the like and you are correct a lot of studies show that women do single better than men and I say this as a man. It seems to come down to largely that women are better are maintaining robust social networks which help them especially as they age. Men are much more likely to be isolated with little support. This is on average of course. It is something I am beginning to work on because during my marriage I let a lot of my social network lapse.dm200 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:01 am Not solo now, but who knows the future.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
Do you know any men who did the same for their ex-wives?
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- Posts: 1973
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Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
This is a real issue. Grandma has had 4 daughters taking care of her needs at 99 and navigating the transition to Medicaid. I think my aunt was already depressed seeing all of this and knowing she didn't have anyone to do it for her. She committed suicide. No one should ever choose that extreme! Get people organized every day I ask my mom if she has updated her wills yet. I have even offered to pay her for it.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Women tend to outlive men, so I would think it would be more rare for men to take care of their dying ex-wives. I don't think it's that they wouldn't do it, but that they don't get the opportunity. I know of a few divorced women who have great ex husbands who take care of them when they need help. So men have the potential to be such caregivers.delamer wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:31 pmDo you know any men who did the same for their ex-wives?dm200 wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:28 pmIn recent years, I have been acquainted with several women who were divorced from their husbands decades before, but these women assumed a "caregiver" role in their ex-husband's later years - and, when he died, took care of his funeral, etc.THY4373 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:10 pmAfter my divorce I figured out I preferred to live a solo life (and I am loving it so far). I started reading up on a lot of studies of single people and the like and you are correct a lot of studies show that women do single better than men and I say this as a man. It seems to come down to largely that women are better are maintaining robust social networks which help them especially as they age. Men are much more likely to be isolated with little support. This is on average of course. It is something I am beginning to work on because during my marriage I let a lot of my social network lapse.dm200 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:01 am Not solo now, but who knows the future.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
I won't be taking care of my ex husband. I am not a saint I am afraid. He's difficult to get along with and there is a reason why he's estranged from most of his family now. It's sad really. Even our teen daughter doesn't want anything to do with him (I suggested family counseling for them but it doesn't appear to be working).
Back to the topic, I only have the one daughter and I don't want her to have to "take care of me" when I am older. I am hoping for those robots too. My own mom is starting to show signs of memory issues and I am worried for her. After my daughter is done with college (she's still in high school now), my plan is to sell my house, use the money from the sale to pay off college debt (or some of it) if there is any (we have a 529 and we are hoping for grants and scholarships) and invest the rest. Then move in with my mom and "rent" from her while taking care of her. I talked to mom and my brother about this and we all like the idea. She most likely will need someone to help take care of her. She has long-term care insurance and I hope, if we need it, to use it to hire a private nurse to come help me. My brother also lives next door to her, so he and his wife are there too if we need help.
I haven't quite figured out what I will do when I am older. It just seems I have a lot of short term care for people that aren't me right now. I'll keep reading this thread though. Even though I am not solo, I think a lot of it applies to my situation too (single woman, won't marry again, one child who I hope has her own life).
I am a mere Boglehead apprentice... even after all these years.
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Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I totally think it should become a thing! Though you may need to have some assets to get "adopted" it would be great for all of society.Zonian59 wrote: ↑Sun Aug 11, 2019 1:46 am Yep, I'm a "solo ager" and soon to be "elder orphan".
I'm 60, in reasonably good health, depending on which lab tests you look at, but have no siblings or close relatives or close friends.
I'm currently a caregiver for my 94-year-old mother who has been a semi-invalid since a stroke experienced seven years ago and now in steadily advancing dementia. She is fortunate she has someone to look after her. But as for me, I am anxious about my future years as I have no close support.
Geber's “Essential Retirement Planning for Solo Agers” seems like a good start, but cursory readings still assumes you have someone out there. I'm still wary about leaving my affairs in the hands of strangers, but what choice do I have?
I've got a lot of thinking to do and lots of soul-searching too.
A thought: There are orphanages for young children to be adopted. Are there "orphanages for elder orphans" to be adopted by a nice family who needs a grandfather or grandmother and is willing to look after him/her?
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
The percentage of men who would be willing to feed, bathe, and change the adult diapers of their ex-wives is going to be pretty low. That’s what I think of when I hear the term “caregiver.”Calico wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 2:11 pmWomen tend to outlive men, so I would think it would be more rare for men to take care of their dying ex-wives. I don't think it's that they wouldn't do it, but that they don't get the opportunity. I know of a few divorced women who have great ex husbands who take care of them when they need help. So men have the potential to be such caregivers.delamer wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:31 pmDo you know any men who did the same for their ex-wives?dm200 wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 1:28 pmIn recent years, I have been acquainted with several women who were divorced from their husbands decades before, but these women assumed a "caregiver" role in their ex-husband's later years - and, when he died, took care of his funeral, etc.THY4373 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 4:10 pmAfter my divorce I figured out I preferred to live a solo life (and I am loving it so far). I started reading up on a lot of studies of single people and the like and you are correct a lot of studies show that women do single better than men and I say this as a man. It seems to come down to largely that women are better are maintaining robust social networks which help them especially as they age. Men are much more likely to be isolated with little support. This is on average of course. It is something I am beginning to work on because during my marriage I let a lot of my social network lapse.dm200 wrote: ↑Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:01 am Not solo now, but who knows the future.
In my observation of "solo agers", women seem to do better than men, on average. I think my wife would do better than I would. However, there are other differences in the average situation of such men and women in the "solo agers" situations.
We only have one child - now a married adult who lives in the area.
I won't be taking care of my ex husband. I am not a saint I am afraid. He's difficult to get along with and there is a reason why he's estranged from most of his family now. It's sad really. Even our teen daughter doesn't want anything to do with him (I suggested family counseling for them but it doesn't appear to be working).
Back to the topic, I only have the one daughter and I don't want her to have to "take care of me" when I am older. I am hoping for those robots too. My own mom is starting to show signs of memory issues and I am worried for her. After my daughter is done with college (she's still in high school now), my plan is to sell my house, use the money from the sale to pay off college debt (or some of it) if there is any (we have a 529 and we are hoping for grants and scholarships) and invest the rest. Then move in with my mom and "rent" from her while taking care of her. I talked to mom and my brother about this and we all like the idea. She most likely will need someone to help take care of her. She has long-term care insurance and I hope, if we need it, to use it to hire a private nurse to come help me. My brother also lives next door to her, so he and his wife are there too if we need help.
I haven't quite figured out what I will do when I am older. It just seems I have a lot of short term care for people that aren't me right now. I'll keep reading this thread though. Even though I am not solo, I think a lot of it applies to my situation too (single woman, won't marry again, one child who I hope has her own life).
Frankly, I wouldn’t do it for my husband and I am a married woman. And I wouldn’t expect him to do it for me.
That’s why we have LTC Insurance and ample savings.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Yes - that is, often, what a "caregiver" needs to do.The percentage of men who would be willing to feed, bathe, and change the adult diapers of their ex-wives is going to be pretty low. That’s what I think of when I hear the term “caregiver.”
Frankly, I wouldn’t do it for my husband and I am a married woman. And I wouldn’t expect him to do it for me.
There are still some "saints" (as I would call them) among us (although shrinking in number) who are willing and able to do this. As our population "ages", there will be more of us each year needing such care.
My late mother was one of those saints (until her own death from cancer at age 50). When her elderly father (in his 90's) became too much for her mother to provide needed care by herself, my parents brought my maternal grandparents into our home so my mother and grandmother could, together, provide needed care to my grandfather.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I agree strongly with this, and I do think that's a big part of the value of a CCRC/ILF/intentional community--there's less labor involved in developing such ties. And the coffee-shop buddies is a big cultural thing around me. Regulars at the "liar's table" check in on one another, share/provide medical transport, etc.Johnnie wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 11:22 am I am likely in this boat and have been planning accordingly. Once the financial plan was in place and funded my thoughts turned increasingly to the social side. I have a small circle of cronies in the community where I plan to retire, but they are not getting any younger either.
So the "build a community" bit is what caught my attention in the articles, specifically the value of "weak tie" communities:
'People who don’t expand their social networks can find themselves isolated and lonely as friends die or move closer to their grandkids. Strengthening ties with relatives and making new friends, particularly younger ones, can counteract that trend. So can cultivating relationships with neighbors, coffee shop buddies and other acquaintances. A 2014 study found people with more of these “weak tie” relationships reported being happier.'
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
In our "very diverse" local community - some such (mainly immigrant) groups have a very strong tradition of adult children caring for (in various ways) their aging and elderly parents. My current manager comes from such an immigrant community - and her sister [married with child(ren) ] has their aging parents living with them. Fortunately, the parents are in generally good health and do not need very much "care".
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
But where do you draw the line? In a coma is one thing. But about if you laugh and smile and have a great time but you can't remember it 24 hours later? Not being able to run is one thing. Not being able to golf is another. Not being able to walk is yet another. Not being able to get out of bed is final stage.Johnnie wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 11:22 am
But I really, really don't want to spend years as a virtual diaper-wearing vegetable, if that's the alternative. Or suffer the tortures of the damned with chemo or whatever in order to buy a couple more severely compromised years. So a different kind of assistance may be the ticket when the time comes.
https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/ar ... 75/379329/
The general trend is as you get older, you reconsider how unliveable live is as an old person. It is one thing for a 57 year old to talk about dying in 18 years. It is another for a 74year old to accept. It is easy to say you wouldn't get that lump removed now. It is a lot different and the doctor says taking that lump off will give you another 5 healthy years.
The extremes are easy. The middle ground is very messy.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
My husband and I do not have children so I think about this issue quite often. I was born very late (my mother was 42) and I'm 43 now. Almost all of my relatives were already at an advanced age or died when I was young. I moved far away from family at 19 and the circumstances at home were not great so I'm a bit estranged from my extended family. My middle brother had 3 kids but he died in his 40's, my oldest brother had no kids like me. My mom is 85 and still driving and living by herself in a house with 4 floors. My dad died at 73 but he smoked/drank heavily and was overweight so it wasn't a surprise that he went a bit earlier.
I have 3 sets of childless couples who are friends and my hope is that we arrange some kind of housing arrangement together if we find ourselves alone at some point in the future. I've also dreamed about buying some land and building a small community of like-minded "elderly orphans" to grow old together. It would be neat to have a bunch of small 1 floor accessible homes and a large shared community center, store, kitchen, and gym in the middle of them.
If my husband dies first I will probably sell whatever rural home we have and move into a walkable community and hope I either die before I get too bad or have the wits to go out in the woods and take care of business myself when the need arises. If I die first my husband has already told me to "hold the door" because he'll be right behind me. It's kind of romantic and grim at the same time.
I have 3 sets of childless couples who are friends and my hope is that we arrange some kind of housing arrangement together if we find ourselves alone at some point in the future. I've also dreamed about buying some land and building a small community of like-minded "elderly orphans" to grow old together. It would be neat to have a bunch of small 1 floor accessible homes and a large shared community center, store, kitchen, and gym in the middle of them.
If my husband dies first I will probably sell whatever rural home we have and move into a walkable community and hope I either die before I get too bad or have the wits to go out in the woods and take care of business myself when the need arises. If I die first my husband has already told me to "hold the door" because he'll be right behind me. It's kind of romantic and grim at the same time.
"...the man who adapts himself to his slender means and makes himself wealthy on a little sum, is the truly rich man..." ~Seneca
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
The thing is, you need younger people to provide care, cooking, and housekeeping for your “elderly orphan” plan to work as you age in place.Elsebet wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 3:46 pm My husband and I do not have children so I think about this issue quite often. I was born very late (my mother was 42) and I'm 43 now. Almost all of my relatives were already at an advanced age or died when I was young. I moved far away from family at 19 and the circumstances at home were not great so I'm a bit estranged from my extended family. My middle brother had 3 kids but he died in his 40's, my oldest brother had no kids like me. My mom is 85 and still driving and living by herself in a house with 4 floors. My dad died at 73 but he smoked/drank heavily and was overweight so it wasn't a surprise that he went a bit earlier.
I have 3 sets of childless couples who are friends and my hope is that we arrange some kind of housing arrangement together if we find ourselves alone at some point in the future. I've also dreamed about buying some land and building a small community of like-minded "elderly orphans" to grow old together. It would be neat to have a bunch of small 1 floor accessible homes and a large shared community center, store, kitchen, and gym in the middle of them.
If my husband dies first I will probably sell whatever rural home we have and move into a walkable community and hope I either die before I get too bad or have the wits to go out in the woods and take care of business myself when the need arises. If I die first my husband has already told me to "hold the door" because he'll be right behind me. It's kind of romantic and grim at the same time.
Which brings you back to a CCRC arrangement.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
Excellent book. The thing I most remember from it is that adult children want their parents to be safe and the parents want autonomy (being in control of their lives), even at the cost of safety. Assisted living communities market to the adult children.Chaconne wrote: ↑Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:45 pm Although it is not as purely practical or actionable as other resources mentioned in this thread, I would recommend:
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
It offers a perspective on the aging process as well as on the changing trends in assisted living and other elder-care institutions. It is an eye-opener on what people might expect. It's also compelling and extremely well-written. Gawande is a MacArthur Fellowship recipient, professor at Harvard Medical School, a surgeon and was recently appointed as CEO of the healthcare organization being formed by Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos and Jaime Diamon.
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
The problem being that an elder who has dementia or cannot perform ADLs without support is by definition not in control/autonomous.Seasonal wrote: ↑Thu Aug 15, 2019 4:52 pmExcellent book. The thing I most remember from it is that adult children want their parents to be safe and the parents want autonomy (being in control of their lives), even at the cost of safety. Assisted living communities market to the adult children.Chaconne wrote: ↑Tue Aug 13, 2019 1:45 pm Although it is not as purely practical or actionable as other resources mentioned in this thread, I would recommend:
Being Mortal by Atul Gawande
It offers a perspective on the aging process as well as on the changing trends in assisted living and other elder-care institutions. It is an eye-opener on what people might expect. It's also compelling and extremely well-written. Gawande is a MacArthur Fellowship recipient, professor at Harvard Medical School, a surgeon and was recently appointed as CEO of the healthcare organization being formed by Warren Buffett, Jeff Bezos and Jaime Diamon.
One thing that humbles me deeply is to see that human genius has its limits while human stupidity does not. - Alexandre Dumas, fils
Re: Are you a "solo ager?"
I don't think I would mind if, at 80, the cost of my CCRC left me very little money left. Because if I have no children, no spouse, nieces/nephews, etc. to leave my estate to, what do I need a whole bunch money for? Especially since at 80/90 years old, I may not be able to, or want to do very much? I hope the spend the majority of my money in my Go-Go years (preserving just enough to buy into a CCRC) so that while I'm in that CCRC by myself, I have a lot of memories to look back on.