Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

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Lowlim
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Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Lowlim » Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm

Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself. Through school and college, my friends were always other students around the same age. During my working life, my social life consisted of work friends and colleagues. Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life. I still have good friends that I accumulated over the years from school and work, but their schedules are much more limited than mine as most of them are still balancing a full time career.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?

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FrugalInvestor
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by FrugalInvestor » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:12 am

This is not an uncommon situation for early retirees no matter what their age and one reason that some go back to work. I retired early, although long after 35, and pursued many hobbies that I didn't have the time or energy for when I was working.
IGNORE the noise! | Our life is frittered away by detail... simplify, simplify. - Henry David Thoreau

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by AlohaJoe » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life.
A lot of people say this when they retire but I don't think it is true. You have exactly the same social life now as you had before you quit working. Social life is what happens outside of work. 5pm to 9am. Saturday & Sunday. You see your friends (or don't see them) exactly the same now as you did before.

Anyway, I found that when I retired I was able to see my friends more often because I could say things like "hey, why don't we grab a coffee on Tuesday at 10:30am or whenever you have a break" or "hey, let's grab lunch on Thursday".

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Lowlim
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Lowlim » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:45 am

FrugalInvestor wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:12 am
This is not an uncommon situation for early retirees no matter what their age and one reason that some go back to work. I retired early, although long after 35, and pursued many hobbies that I didn't have the time or energy for when I was working.
I have pursued personal hobbies. However, it didn't take long to realize that my hobbies are somewhat lonely even thought I've tried to make them more social. For example, I like to strength train and previously, before retirement, went to the gym alone after work. Once retired, I joined a power lifting gym where I train with others. I figured that this might be an opportunity to meet others close to my age as powerlifting is often a younger person's pursuit. However, I ran into the same issue in that my "gym buddies" have full time jobs and are just trying to squeeze in a workout somewhere in their busy schedules.

123
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by 123 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:46 am

I can appreciate your situation. I have had a couple of opportunities to take employment breaks of 6 - 12 months. In both cases I utilized the time to complete additional degrees that I had started on a part-time basis. I was amazed how out-of-place I felt if I was around town during "working hours", there were nothing but retired people and mothers with young children in the grocery store and malls.

This is one reason people continue to work. If you stop working your existing friends will be curious about your financial situation and that can detract from the friendships. Sometimes it's just easier to keep on working to "keep up appearances". A couple of time when I've asked to be switched to a part-time position my managers treated my request in a very suspicious manner, they wondered how I could afford to live with just a part-time job. I think they took it as somewhat of a threat because It would seem I didn't need them or the job.

If you go traveling you'll find you're usually among older retired people since they're the ones that have the time and the money to travel. You will find younger travelers in the summer months, depends on where you go.

People are often jealous of those that are more successful then they have been, and retiring very early just shoves that fact in their face.

Maybe the solution is to have a "pseudo job" like a writer or a financial consultant and just be real vague when you get questions. Of course some job titles might keep (some) people from asking questions, you could say you're a companion or an escort.

Maybe change your schedule to sleep during the day ( 9 - 5) and become a party animal the rest of the time. Or find a part-time job that has a social element to it, like a bartender.
The closest helping hand is at the end of your own arm.

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FGal
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by FGal » Thu Jun 13, 2019 1:34 am

More social hobbies? There are tons of them available and you could start looking at meetups to see if there are any interesting groups out there that look like fun. Games (both role playing and board games), wine/beer tasting groups, hiking or biking clubs, restaurant enthusiasts, book clubs, art clubs...

Go back to school for stuff that sounds awesome. Cooking school? Welding? Art? Writing the next great novel? Putting together a classic car? There's a course for anything you've ever been curious about and hadn't had time for, and schools are FULL of people of all walks of life (even the teachers!) that could be potential friends. You at least would have a common interest right off the bat!

Volunteering. I work at a theater (I do set/costume stuff and want to learn how to work the lightboard soon). I work for a wildlife rehab group. I also teach a free yoga class at the local library and work for the music director of the local church and sit on a few committees, in addition to a few other fun/hands-on things. There are SO MANY THINGS you could do for free to both help out and meet a group of people you may hit it off with, and can likely be doing some of this during the day as well.

Was there every some fun job that if you were there, wouldn't seem like actual work? If you're a Simpsons fan, remember Homer and the bowling alley? Find your doesn't-seem-like-work job and go do it for the fun of it. The money is just extra - you'll be doing it for the socialization and enjoyment of it.
FIREd as of March 2015!

OnLevel
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by OnLevel » Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:11 am

Sounds to me like OP should go back to work.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by investingdad » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:22 am

Shocking as it is, work provides purpose.

Maybe get a job?

Are you married?

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JMacDonald
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by JMacDonald » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:35 am

Volunteer at an animal shelter.
Best Wishes, | Joe

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by SquawkIdent » Thu Jun 13, 2019 5:35 am

OnLevel wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 3:11 am
Sounds to me like OP should go back to work.
+1 at least part time. Also, how about volunteer work? What are your passions?

JoeRetire
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by JoeRetire » Thu Jun 13, 2019 6:26 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
Why did you retire? What did you expect to be doing?

IngognitoUSA
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by IngognitoUSA » Thu Jun 13, 2019 6:43 am

As they say: Don’t retire from something, retire to something. Contribute back to society with your time and expertise if you want low stress activity.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by whodidntante » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:03 am

Broaden your social horizons. You don't have to hang out with office workers who are on a stiff schedule.

Leemiller
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Leemiller » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:06 am

In addition to the other recommendations, try being open to older friends. One of my best friends is over 15 years older than me. I’ve really learned a lot from her and appreciate our friendship very much.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by gd » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:12 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
Taking you literally at "similar", you haven't actually explained what your situation is. Big inheritance? Go to a wealthy area and look for trust fund kids (personally, ick). Entrepreneur? My understanding is all those little energizer bunnies just go on and do it again, i.e. back to work. Lucky worker bee in that startup? What did all your other lucky work friends do? Volunteer stuff can be hit-or-miss, lots of different situations creating lots of different experiences and reactions. Personally, I'd recommend a hobby job.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by lostdog » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:24 am

It doesn't matter what other people think. Once you master this, you'll be set free.

Ask yourself what you would enjoy doing? When you wake up in the morning you look forward to doing?

Start doing it.
VT/VTWAX+BNDW

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by retiredjg » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:25 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
Surely you already know there are very few peers to find. How many retired 35 year old single male strength-trainers are out there to play with?

All your friends do not need to be "peers in a similar situation". Broaden your horizon some and look for friends in other age groups. Find something else that you enjoy doing. Get outside of yourself and look for volunteer opportunities. If you do something you have a passion for you will find friends way outside the circle of friends you already know. Go back to school. Learn to do something new - maybe you are a secret artist or actor or something?

I think going back to work - for money or as a volunteer - would probably be a good idea.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by jharkin » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:26 am

FrugalInvestor wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:12 am
This is not an uncommon situation for early retirees no matter what their age and one reason that some go back to work. I retired early, although long after 35, and pursued many hobbies that I didn't have the time or energy for when I was working.
+1.
I have a friend who retired at 45 and has the same struggle. Lucky I know him though a common, rather niche, hobby that has a close circle of local friends who get together regularly. But the challenge is in this group that ranges in age from 40 to 70, the 45yo early retired guy is the only one who doesn't work full time - the rest of us meet up 1-2x a month on weekends.

So he struggles with the same issues related to unfulfilled free time. Last I heard he took up Uber drving to keep busy and make some income.


I dont know what more to tell you OP, other than this is one reason I dont plan to make hte financial sacrifices needed to retire any earlier than 55 or so.....

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by renue74 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:30 am

I'll give you the "other end of the spectrum."

I own a small web design firm. I have 2 employees. Plus, I have 10 rental properties that I self manage. At any time, I'm always rehabbing at least one rental....like taking it down to the studs and starting over rehabs. So, I work 6 to 7 days per week on something that is income producing.

I'm 45 and fairly an introvert...so I found work as my primary outlet. I'm pretty much, if not there, as far as FI....and if I "retired," not only would I not have any good friends who are retired (our friends are more "couple friends,"), but also I feel like I would be starting from scratch making new friends.

My "hobby," is work. My work is work. Because I've enjoyed the rehab work.

So...I've been thinking what I will do.

• Volunteer for Habit for Humanity.
• Take some culinary and building trades classes at the local tech college. (I love to cook)
• Long term travel to southeast asia (thailand) . I've been following folks on youtube for a few years who live there and I want to travel there)
• Volunteer as a sailboat crew member for Caribbean sailing. There are tons of boat owners who need an extra hand. (I used to sail a lot before I became a workaholic)

Asking this forum will get you started thinking, but only you will know for sure what peaks your interest.

BTW, I also know some retired folks who watch reruns of Gunsmoke and chain smoke. Don't do that.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Sandtrap » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:51 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself. Through school and college, my friends were always other students around the same age. During my working life, my social life consisted of work friends and colleagues. Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life. I still have good friends that I accumulated over the years from school and work, but their schedules are much more limited than mine as most of them are still balancing a full time career.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
Retired at 35 and no friends?

How about retired at 65, 70, 75, 80, and still no friends. . . . :shock:

Social dynamics reform as your lifestyle changes and routines solidify.
IE: Weekly gym routine, sports activities, car clubs, and so forth to fill the vacuum.
And, will happen naturally according to one's acceptance of new and diverse friends (aquaintances first as the definition of "friend" is quite loose.), that might include someone who's 70 and retired, a lady who's your age and goes jogging 3x/week, a fellow who's early retired at 50 who shares your passion for sports cars, and so forth. They will all have "common interests" to the level that "your interests" are diverse.
And, so, we look for similarities vs differences.

Expand the prior social construct limitations of age group, life stage, school friends, work friends, and so forth. You've moved out of those ponds. Time to move into the ocean.

Leave spaces in your life instead of hurrying to fill them with the "known" and you might be surprised of the variety of folks who will fill that vacuum.

Actionably: sign up for a series of golf lessons (package), or tennis, etc. Take a class or 2 at the university in things you've always wanted to do. This is a great time to do what you think you might have missed pursuing or always were curious about, too. In light of casual time, you later might consider working part time at something you are great at and still enjoy. Why? Just because.

Good luck on your journey.
j.
Last edited by Sandtrap on Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:54 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by azanon » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:51 am

AlohaJoe wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 12:42 am
Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life.
A lot of people say this when they retire but I don't think it is true. You have exactly the same social life now as you had before you quit working. Social life is what happens outside of work. 5pm to 9am. Saturday & Sunday. You see your friends (or don't see them) exactly the same now as you did before.

Anyway, I found that when I retired I was able to see my friends more often because I could say things like "hey, why don't we grab a coffee on Tuesday at 10:30am or whenever you have a break" or "hey, let's grab lunch on Thursday".
Great response and I agree with it.

I'll personally add, don't make the mistake of thinking those people at work are your friends. Everyone at work is actually in competition with each other, whether they realize/acknowledge it or not. And that person being nice to you? They probably have a reason they're doing it, and one of those isn't because they're your friend.

WhyNotUs
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by WhyNotUs » Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:57 am

Congrats on your success!

Some more ideas:

• Give back- meals on wheels, Habitat, mentor, etc.
• Join a gym, people tend to come at similar times and you can look for a work out buddy
• Join a club that does outings- mountain club, biking club, hiking club, ski club, etc.
• Maintain a spot in a coworking space. You can go there to monitor your investments, chat with others, and perhaps add value to their efforts
• Give back more- school crossing guard, food pantry, etc.
I own the next hot stock- VTSAX

lexie2000
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by lexie2000 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:00 am

Do your "friends" have to be people who are your own age? There are a lot of older retirees who are active.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Ged » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:07 am

lostdog wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:24 am
It doesn't matter what other people think. Once you master this, you'll be set free.
Best comment in the history of the internet.

Beats even 'if you're not paying for the product, you are the product' by blue_beetle on Metafilter at 1:41 PM on August 26, 2010.

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Watty
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Watty » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:37 am

A couple of observations;

1) An additional issue is that it sounds like you are single and at your age many of your friends will be getting married and having kids which would make having much time with them more difficult.

2) Many military people can retire after 20 years and they would not be much older than you if they joined the military right after high school. You might check out military focused websites and forums to find out how they handle being young and retired.

3)Many people have to work on weekends like in retail sales so they have their days off on weekdays so you may be able to find some of them to do some activities on weekdays. They are out there. Some places like tennis courts or golf courses will have a signup list for people looking for people to pay with.

4) I have only gone to a few things through it but you might be able to find more weekday activities by checking out meetup.com where there are lots of groups looking for people to join activities and some of those will be on weekdays. This is pretty loosely organized so go into with your "eyes open".

5) Have you considered going to grad school to pursue a degree in a "fun" subject like one of the arts? There will be a wide range of ages in a grade school and while you may not be looking to get married it is not uncommon for people in grad school to get into relationships. You might be able to take a few classes and not commit to full time studies to get started.

6) In addition to grad school you may be able to find non-degree programs that go for several months that might attract younger people. Last summer I went to a six week photography workshop in Montana and I was expecting it to be mostly retired people like myself and I was surprised to find that only about 20% of the people were retirement age and about half the people were in their 20's and 30's. Many of them had decided to leave their jobs for a "gap" to pursue the photography for the summer, or a year, sort of like some people will take a "gap year" between high school and college. There are often posts here about people wanting to take a year off work when they are in their 30's or 40's to travel and that is not that uncommon. Like that there are also people that that will take several months or a year away from work to study something they are interested in.

Even when you are a more typical retirement age keeping a good circle of friends can be hard because people will always be moving around or dying when they are older.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by lthenderson » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:46 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
I stopped working perhaps retired at 39. Most of my friends were coworkers at the time so in essence, I started over socially myself. One of the first things I started doing is joining social groups and volunteering. I even got into local politics as well. Through those, I met plenty of other people whom I now consider friends. They do still fall in two distinct groups. Group A is composed of similar aged people as myself that for the most part still hold daytime jobs. Group B is composed of those that have retired too but generally are a generation or more older than me. I tend to hang out with group B more during the daytime and Group A more in the evenings. I enjoy hanging out with both groups and doing things socially.

I think if you wait until you find a group of 30 somethings that are retired, you are going to be waiting a long while. It just isn't common.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Hulu » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:54 am

It’s hard feeling isolated from the laughter, love and generosity of caring friends. My mentor’s advice was to “give back”. And so I started volunteering, working so I could donate and being a more generous friend. Stuff like asking friends what they love about their spouses. Listening. Showing appreciation, curiosity, compassion and gratitude for them.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Tycoon » Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:56 am

Spread the word that you've got money. Friends will show up.
Emotionless, prognostication free investing. Ignoring the noise and economists since 1979. I see the world as it is; not how I wish it to be.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by HomerJ » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:05 am

Tycoon wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:56 am
Spread the word that you've got money. Friends will show up.
"I got dozens of friends and the fun never ends
That is, as long as I'm buying."

-Styx - "Too Much Time on My Hands"
The J stands for Jay

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by miamivice » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:11 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself. Through school and college, my friends were always other students around the same age. During my working life, my social life consisted of work friends and colleagues. Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life. I still have good friends that I accumulated over the years from school and work, but their schedules are much more limited than mine as most of them are still balancing a full time career.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
How exactly did you retire at 35?

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by playtothebeat » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:11 am

My friend retired in early 30s after running a very successful business which stopped virtually overnight due to regulatory changes. But he’s married and has a young kid which keeps him very busy, plus during his “retirement” he is still pursuing investment and business opportunities.

I don’t think you’ve given enough info to get good feedback.

Are you married? Do you live in a large city? Did you retire with significant wealth or did you call it quits and are scraping to get by?
Last edited by playtothebeat on Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:19 am, edited 1 time in total.

nexesn
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by nexesn » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:13 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself. Through school and college, my friends were always other students around the same age. During my working life, my social life consisted of work friends and colleagues. Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life. I still have good friends that I accumulated over the years from school and work, but their schedules are much more limited than mine as most of them are still balancing a full time career.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?

It's funny, there are so many people who would love to be in the position you are in. However, once they get there, they'd realize they've just traded one situation for another.

Try starting your own business. Or, perhaps look for a job that feels rewarding, it may not even have to be 5 days a week. Join a few boards of non-profits? Volunteer here or abroad at a place that is filled with people your age. Or, go buy a few lonely planet books and travel for a while. You're still at an age where you could hang with backpackers and not look like a creeper :). I do have to say the Lonely Planet travel books are great, and though Lonely Planet does not mean for lonely people, you meet a ton of interesting, and fun people in the places they suggest staying.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by leeks » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:15 am

  • If you don't mind hanging out with kids, look for the stay-at-home parent crowd. We may be the largest subset of people in your age group who are around on weekdays. I would love to have some non-parent friends who were around on weekdays and willing to hang with me despite the kids underfoot, I do still enjoy nonparenting conversations.
  • The other 30-somethings you might find around on weekdays will include evening workers (bartenders/waiters/etc, may also be artists/musicians, maybe look for them at indy coffee shops in midday) and grad students (many have flexible schedules, hang at coffee shops and such near a campus).
  • Consider how you want to spend your weekday time, and start going to those places on weekdays to find whomever is already there. For example, if you like hiking, go hiking at 11am and make friends with whomever you find on the trail as they are likely to also be available on future weekdays.
  • As already mentioned, some kind of part-time job or volunteer pursuit (or pursue another degree in something you find interesting) certainly seems in order if you would like to have regular interaction with other humans during the hours when most folks are working.

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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by skime » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:20 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself. Through school and college, my friends were always other students around the same age. During my working life, my social life consisted of work friends and colleagues. Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life. I still have good friends that I accumulated over the years from school and work, but their schedules are much more limited than mine as most of them are still balancing a full time career.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
Move to a city or town that's focused on lifestyle as opposed to work first. You're likely to find young people with accumulated wealth that ate in your situation.

Mountain towns and beach towns are good options.

miamivice
Posts: 1973
Joined: Tue Jun 11, 2013 11:46 am

Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by miamivice » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am

I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.

CoAndy
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by CoAndy » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:24 am

HomerJ wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:05 am
Tycoon wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 8:56 am
Spread the word that you've got money. Friends will show up.
"I got dozens of friends and the fun never ends
That is, as long as I'm buying."

-Styx - "Too Much Time on My Hands"
Well played. :sharebeer

sjt
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Location: NC

Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by sjt » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:27 am

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.
From the front page of the Wiki:
Bogleheads emphasize starting early, living below one's means, regular saving, broad diversification, and sticking to one's investment plan.
If someone came into a lot of money, I don't know of anywhere in the wiki that states minimum retirement age.
"The one who covets is the poorer man, | For he would have that which he never can; | But he who doesn't have and doesn't crave | Is rich, though you may hold him but a knave." - Wife of Bath tale

msk
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by msk » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:29 am

Find yourself a life partner that you enjoy being with. Pay for him/her to live with you so that he/she does not have to work. Sex helps (though not for 80 year-old retirees!). It's the companionship that matters. Go on slow-travel together for several months. If your personalities click, bingo! You've got it made. If not, start over with a new partner. Nobody can advise you as to what hobbies will make you tick... I know one couple who collected sea shells from the world's beaches, and even wrote books on such. Husband died at 80+. I can only imagine the wife's loneliness now on her own.

GCD
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by GCD » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:30 am

Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire at the age of 51. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation.

How does a retired person in their early 50's find peers in a similar situation?
I edited your post to make you me. Age doesn't change anything. You could have retired 2 decades later and still found that most, if not all, of your peers are unable to retire.

I have an advantage in that my wife is my best friend and we do tons of stuff together. It helps if you and your spouse aren't tracking toward a divorce.

Re-read Watty's post. Several good ideas there.

It's probably pointless to try to find a few good friends that have schedules like yours. You will have to mix and match from various activities and realize that outside those activities (powerlifting, etc.) these friends won't have much time to hang out with you.

supersecretname
Posts: 99
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by supersecretname » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:33 am

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
:oops: You know what they say about assumptions.

Just because YOU can't do it, doesn't mean others can't. It's far from unheard of among the MMM crowd.
Last edited by supersecretname on Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Cyclesafe
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Cyclesafe » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:34 am

Retired at 45 and subsequently burned through many, many hobbies, including law school, golf, scuba diving, 50k miles of self-supported bicycle touring through western US and Canada, home improvement, triathlons, extensive international travel - especially walking/trekking, etc.

After 20 years of this, I have concluded that it is solely MY responsibility to keep myself entertained. One can't expect to find "soul-mates" to share your life with. Instead, try to be satisfied with situational friends that are as temporary or permanent as your own interests.
"Plans are useless; planning is indispensable.” - Dwight Eisenhower

GCD
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by GCD » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:36 am

supersecretname wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:33 am
miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.
Just because YOU can't do it, doesn't mean others can't. It's far from unheard of among the MMM crowd.
Yeah, but this is an odd post to open with on BH. Maybe as an opener on MMM...

RubyTuesday
Posts: 99
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:24 am

Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by RubyTuesday » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:37 am

I started playing golf with a group of guys that play 9 holes daily... usually anywhere from 6-12 of us in an inexpensive skins game. Lots of shooting the bull, trash talking... the group is diverse in age and race, ranging from age 24 (young pro), to 35 (fireman who has 4 days off in a row), to many retired guys age 60-77. I have more social life now than when working...

RT

retiredjg
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by retiredjg » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:39 am

Troll post or not, Bodlehead manners encourage that we do not bite the noobies. Be nice. :happy

MiddleOfTheRoad
Posts: 224
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by MiddleOfTheRoad » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:42 am

miamivice wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:22 am
I think this is a troll post.

Generally, it's not possible for someone to be a Boglehead and retire at 35. Retiring at 35 requires a huge amount of money (millions) in a short period of time. Options for accuring that money include winning the lottery, buying individual stocks that are on a rocket trajectory, receiving a large inheritance, or the like.

The Boglehead philosophy is a "get rich slowly" strategy of buying low fee index funds and let the wealth accumulate over time. While it works, it doesn't let someone who is 27 work for 8 years and then live off millions for the rest of their life.

Just my opinion.
I am not calling anyone names. I am happy for OP if everything is true.
But every time I see a new poster with a vague post with no specifics, I think someone is trying to brainstorm for a blog post somewhere to monetize. Especially if he/she does not come back often to nurse the thread.

Wellfleet
Posts: 533
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Wellfleet » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:45 am

Great advice thus far. Agree that we need more information.

If I were the OP:

1. Find communities of workers who have weekdays off like hospitality workers, medical professionals, first responders, etc. who do weekend things during the week. There is a ton of stuff in my community during the week I don't have time for. Lectures, meet ups, game watches, etc.
2. Volunteer in your community: political, non-political, garden club, parks and rec, helping the less fortunate, etc. it doesn't matter.
3. I'd find a way to share my expertise in my industry through startups/small business incubators, etc.

crg11
Posts: 441
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by crg11 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:46 am

Join a local gym that has group classes (I do CrossFit, but there are many others out there). There are so many people around even during the daytime classes and you often build awesome relationships this way.

Presintense
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Location: "Somewhere in the middle of America"

Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by Presintense » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:46 am

Sandtrap wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 7:51 am
Lowlim wrote:
Wed Jun 12, 2019 11:37 pm
Hello all. Been following for years and first time posting. Not sure if I'm posting in the right place, but here goes.

Through some good fortune, working hard, and following sound financial advise, such as the advise found here with Bogleheads, I was able to retire ~9 months ago at the age of 35. The problem is that I do not have any peers/friends that are in a similar situation. My social life has always been with those in a similar situation as myself. Through school and college, my friends were always other students around the same age. During my working life, my social life consisted of work friends and colleagues. Now that I've left the corporate life and have free time on weekdays, I find that I have very little social life. I still have good friends that I accumulated over the years from school and work, but their schedules are much more limited than mine as most of them are still balancing a full time career.

How does a retired person in their mid 30's find peers in a similar situation?
Retired at 35 and no friends?

How about retired at 65, 70, 75, 80, and still no friends. . . . :shock:

Social dynamics reform as your lifestyle changes and routines solidify.
IE: Weekly gym routine, sports activities, car clubs, and so forth to fill the vacuum.
And, will happen naturally according to one's acceptance of new and diverse friends (aquaintances first as the definition of "friend" is quite loose.), that might include someone who's 70 and retired, a lady who's your age and goes jogging 3x/week, a fellow who's early retired at 50 who shares your passion for sports cars, and so forth. They will all have "common interests" to the level that "your interests" are diverse.
And, so, we look for similarities vs differences.

Expand the prior social construct limitations of age group, life stage, school friends, work friends, and so forth. You've moved out of those ponds. Time to move into the ocean.

Leave spaces in your life instead of hurrying to fill them with the "known" and you might be surprised of the variety of folks who will fill that vacuum.

I find this to be excellent advice. Upon leaving work behind I found the immediate urge to fill all of my time as fast and furiously as I did when I was working. After several years of not working, I started to discover the beauty and freedom of not having every minute of the day filled with activity. Once I was able to embrace this I realized social opportunities that had always been there but I had been too busy to appreciate. By "leaving space" I have met and gotten to know lots of great people from all types of interesting backgrounds.
Performance = Potential - Distraction

ohai
Posts: 924
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Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by ohai » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:49 am

OP, why don't you just get a job?

You are 35, have no friends or social circle other than the ones from your old work, have a lot of free time, and you are generally bored as hell.

The most obvious solution is to go work in something tolerable.

THY4373
Posts: 1117
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:17 pm

Re: Retired at 35 and have no friends :(

Post by THY4373 » Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:58 am

msk wrote:
Thu Jun 13, 2019 9:29 am
Find yourself a life partner that you enjoy being with. Pay for him/her to live with you so that he/she does not have to work. Sex helps (though not for 80 year-old retirees!). It's the companionship that matters. Go on slow-travel together for several months. If your personalities click, bingo! You've got it made. If not, start over with a new partner. Nobody can advise you as to what hobbies will make you tick... I know one couple who collected sea shells from the world's beaches, and even wrote books on such. Husband died at 80+. I can only imagine the wife's loneliness now on her own.
A life partner can indeed be a great thing but there are also a lot of risks. I would be very cautious of paying somebody (effectively) to be my travel companion or partner. This just seems guaranteed to attract folks who may be more interested in financial support than you and such folks can hide this quite well for long enough to reel you in. Two I suspect this poster, like me, is quite introverted which is not a bad thing but we introverts can come to rely on their romantic partner too much because we don't have a larger support circle. This leads to at least two problems, one it can place a lot of stress on the relationship because our partner is our sole emotional support and two, if the relationship goes south we don't have much of a support structure (ask me how I know). I would encourage the poster to build up a social circle first before seeking out a long term romantic relationship if that is what they want. I would also approach a romantic relationship in a way that I had a cover story that was something other than I was financially independent. To me romantic relationships are best approached when you have your life together and aren't looking for the partner to fill some gap in your life.

As to that 80 year old you might be surprised. I know a lot of older women some of whom loved their husband very much who are happy to be single and have some me time now. It may be the same for some older men but I just don't know any who aren't still married.

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