Single People and Retirement Question

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Dottie57
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by Dottie57 » Wed Feb 21, 2018 12:09 pm

mouses wrote:
Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:17 am
I'm not sure why you think you need a partner. I've been single all my life, and I enjoy traveling by myself. It's a much better way to meet local people than if you're with someone or in a group. By meet people, I do not mean dating situations, but just getting to chat with folks. Plus you can do what you want, when you want.
I find one of thepleasures of travel is discussing the days adventures over a nice dinner.

tibbitts
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by tibbitts » Wed Feb 21, 2018 12:13 pm

Dottie57 wrote:
Wed Feb 21, 2018 12:09 pm
mouses wrote:
Sun Feb 11, 2018 7:17 am
I'm not sure why you think you need a partner. I've been single all my life, and I enjoy traveling by myself. It's a much better way to meet local people than if you're with someone or in a group. By meet people, I do not mean dating situations, but just getting to chat with folks. Plus you can do what you want, when you want.
I find one of thepleasures of travel is discussing the days adventures over a nice dinner.
Well yes but on a cruise for example you can easily sit with other people for meals. There's nothing but water out there so not really any way for them to get away.

DrGoogle2017
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by DrGoogle2017 » Wed Feb 21, 2018 12:20 pm

I’ve heard from the people in my bridge club that when they do cruise, they get to play bridge and no worries about food. I’m sure there are many ways to interact with other travelers.

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VictoriaF
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by VictoriaF » Thu Feb 22, 2018 1:58 pm

halfnine wrote:
Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:08 am
VictoriaF wrote:
Sun Feb 18, 2018 6:29 pm
halfnine wrote:
Sun Feb 18, 2018 5:19 pm
I think in general it is easier for a woman but also potentially more dangerous. Neither should prohibit either sex from traveling.
I think there is much more perception of danger than real danger. It's true that traveling in Columbia or Pakistan can be dangerous, but that would be equally true for men and women. On the other hand, I've seen some Bogleheads discussions about dangers of Europe after terrorism events, which I thought were greatly exaggerated.

Victoria
While I don't agree with your assessment of Colombia,
I have not been to Columbia. I traveled solo in Ecuador and Peru and was fine. While traveling there, I've heard stories from other independent travelers about Colombia being more difficult. This may have changed after the end of the FARC activities.
halfnine wrote:
Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:08 am
I do agree with the context of both statements. But, both of those statements lie on the extreme ends of the spectrum. My point is simply that there are inherent dangers of being a woman that have to be considered when traveling solo. Considerations that men often do not have to make. Certainly there are times for a woman's safety she is best served by abandoning the "solo" aspect and joining up with other travelers or locals.
In addition to Ecuador and Peru, I traveled solo in Mexico, Guatemala, and Nepal (and several European countries). I joined groups on several occasions not because I felt unsafe as a woman, but because I could not get there on my own. For example, I took a boat to the Galapagos and went with a group deep into the Amazonian basin. If there were a place I could not get to without having to pair with someone else, I would forego the experience.
halfnine wrote:
Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:08 am
I am not mentioning this to be alarmist as contrary to perception there are very very few places in the world where women can not travel as independently as men. They just often have to more prudent sometimes in their choices. This is simply a case of there being many routes up the mountain but the view on the top being the same once you get there.

Finally, woman travelers have many advantages that men do not. Foreign woman are more easily invited into family homes. Locals are often willling to look out for foreign woman and help keep them from danger. And, in many places of the world, foreign women are allowed into both the "womans" and "mens" world of the culture. Solo men are often not given these same lattitudes.
You could be right. I did find that when I wanted to reach to the local people, they were open to me. One of my more memorable experiences is spending a night in the Guatemalan customs office on the border with the Mexican state of Tabasco. I arrived too late to take a boat to Mexico. The two male customs officers initially did not want to let me stay in the official building (I was offering to pay). Then they warmed up to me, and I ended up spending a night in a hammock on their veranda. They gave me food, put a mosquito net over the hammock, talked to me half a night, and refused to accept any money. My Spanish is very limited, and they made heroic efforts to understand me and to be understood as we were discussing history, politics, and personal ambitions.
halfnine wrote:
Wed Feb 21, 2018 9:08 am
My travel style is typically independent travel overland via public transport across a continent and over many months. There are many solo travelers that make this type of journey with both sexes well represented. It isn't uncommon for solo travelers to pair up with another solo traveler of the opposite sex for portions of these journeys as it can open up doors (for men) and provide extra security (for women). In fact, this is actually how I met my spouse. And we went on to spend the next 6 months traveling together overland across a chunk of Asia.
Some of my travel is similar to yours. My other travel is idiosyncratic, e.g., walking el Camino de Santiago. As my most recent travel was focused on Europe, I have not felt unsafe in any way.

Best wishes to you and your wife,
Victoria
WINNER of the 2015 Boglehead Contest. | Every joke has a bit of a joke. ... The rest is the truth. (Marat F)

gotester2000
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by gotester2000 » Thu Feb 22, 2018 2:27 pm

Outside first world countries, I have no doubt that it is unsafe for a foreign woman to travel single, especially if she does not follow common sense rules and local customs.

WhiteMaxima
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by WhiteMaxima » Thu Feb 22, 2018 4:21 pm

Once single, always single. there are many single retirement community. As a single, you might find other singles in your situations. Be happy.

AerialP
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Location: Central Kentucky

Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by AerialP » Sun May 27, 2018 9:34 pm

Not sure how I missed this substantial discussion when it was active, but I'm very glad I found it. I've been pondering some circumstances in my life and on a bit of a whim I searched my beloved Bogleheads community forum with the sole search term of "single", and this was the first return.
The many different viewpoints in this discussion are very meaningful to me right now as I face up to some hard realities (never married, no children, no girlfriend, and basically zero desire to change any of that at my age of 44) and have begun to contemplate in earnest my own retirement at around 55. I have been a road warrior for my work for 15 years now, and also enjoy some travel when I'm not on a job rotation so the myriad discussions of travel are of heightened interest to me.
Anyhow, just wanted to thank EVERYONE (with extra special thanks in particular for the contributions from VictoriaF and from itiswhatitis) involved in this discussion for a heaping buffet of food for thought pertaining to this socially tender issue.

Barefootgirl
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by Barefootgirl » Mon May 28, 2018 5:07 am

I don't know what to think about the age old question of community and relationships... humans are pack animals, so it's wise to find your pack I suppose, but I'd also suggest tending to your own soul - my Jungian tendencies creep in from time to time.

There was a joke often repeated in an office I once worked in, in Manhattan.

When does life begin?

When the kids leave home and the dog dies.


PS - you have appreciate the humor of New Yorkers.

Peace - Barefootgirl
How many retired people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he takes all day.

alexfoo39
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by alexfoo39 » Thu May 09, 2019 8:03 am

im also an academic but only in my late 20s (soon 30). But I don't like travelling. Am I doomed being single?

fposte
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by fposte » Thu May 09, 2019 8:32 am

alexfoo39 wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 8:03 am
im also an academic but only in my late 20s (soon 30). But I don't like travelling. Am I doomed being single?
Doomed to what? A full life you enjoy where you are?

Whether you're partnered or single, you want to find satisfaction and reward in what you do when you're retired. Travel is interesting, but it's not the only rewarding pastime.

Sahara
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by Sahara » Thu May 09, 2019 6:01 pm

Regarding single travel, a number of “small group” companies match clients with same sex roommates and do not charge single supplements. I’ve had good experiences with Gap Adventures, Intrepid, and Explore Worldwide. I know others like OAT and Djoser as well, though I’m not sure of their policies.

Oakwood42
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Location: Philadelphia

Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by Oakwood42 » Thu May 09, 2019 6:49 pm

HongKonger wrote:
Sun Feb 11, 2018 11:09 am
Never married and don't plan on partnering. Retired early. Single the whole time. LOVE it! I don't have to consider anyone else in anything I do, or plans I make. I'm certainly never lonely.
Good for you!

kilkoyne
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by kilkoyne » Thu May 09, 2019 7:06 pm

I've been single for 20 years now. I prefer traveling alone. I plan on being single when I retire. I can't see why a relationship would make me any happier in retirement.

THY4373
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by THY4373 » Fri May 10, 2019 8:04 am

alexfoo39 wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 8:03 am
im also an academic but only in my late 20s (soon 30). But I don't like travelling. Am I doomed being single?
I love travel but I don't think it is for everyone. If you are happy not traveling that is great, think of all the money you'll save or have available to spend on your passions. Also I am not sure why travel has any impact on whether you remain single. And I don't understand why remaining single is being "doomed". It is possible to live a fulfilling life whether you are coupled or single. There is nothing inherently inferior about a single life over a coupled life.

alexfoo39
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by alexfoo39 » Fri May 10, 2019 10:03 am

THY4373 wrote:
Fri May 10, 2019 8:04 am
I love travel but I don't think it is for everyone. If you are happy not traveling that is great, think of all the money you'll save or have available to spend on your passions. Also I am not sure why travel has any impact on whether you remain single. And I don't understand why remaining single is being "doomed". It is possible to live a fulfilling life whether you are coupled or single. There is nothing inherently inferior about a single life over a coupled life.
heh. was browsing some of the suggested answers few pages back and found that most suggested 'traveling' as the cure. Hmm, seems like I got to find my passion. I think I'll still give travelling a try. Baby steps with local trips =)

The reasons why I hesitate to travel are
1) felt like a waste of money (look at how they ripped me off every time i go to a new place)
2) stayed at a new place for a relatively short period of time and I'm packing?
3) need more time to feel the atmosphere and culture of a new place (maybe a 1-month travelling is good, or more, something like sabbatical)
4) I travel when I have to. Sometimes the stomach doesn't sit well with those foods outside my comfort zone =/

In the end, I think I need to conquer my fear. Maybe I'll put that in my bucket list - to visit USA Bogleheads Annual gathering =)

THY4373
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by THY4373 » Fri May 10, 2019 10:21 am

In my experience travel is about building confidence over time. My first international trips were to Western Europe especially UK where language wasn't a barrier (language has actually rarely been an issue anywhere for me). Over time I built my confidence and I have been to far more adventurous places in the last few years including Easter Island in Chile, Cambodia (the temples of Siem Reap are stunning), and Egypt (mind blowing). I am honestly pretty introverted and don't often get out of my comfort zone but for some reason travel is one place that allows me to do that which I think it part of the appeal to me. The only place in 45 countries so far I have gotten sick was Egypt which was very likely some coffee I had in a road side stop (I should have known better) but honestly it was a minor issue compared to the wonders of Egypt.

1). The internet allows you to research pricing. You'll likely get ripped off sometimes but honestly I have rarely felt that happening.
2). I pack very light with one small backpack that fits under seat in in front of me if necessary. All my clothes are rapid drying kind. This allows me to easily cover a lot of ground. It has totally transformed how I travel.
3). Longer is better for sure but you can still do a lot in a couple of weeks.
4). That is a tougher one. I haven't really had any issues other than once in Egypt.
Last edited by THY4373 on Fri May 10, 2019 11:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

mptfan
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by mptfan » Fri May 10, 2019 11:47 am

THY4373 wrote:
Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:15 am
As for Saudi whatever your view of their policies (and I am not a fan) there is very little risk to a western visitor there. And the point is mostly moot because they don't issue tourist visas so unless you go on business or are Muslim on the Hajj it is not going to happen.
Saudi Arabia has started issuing tourist visas as of April 1, 2018.

About the new visitor visa
Once the visa scheme is up and running from April 1, 2018, it should allow single entry within a 30-day period.
This also applies to women of 25 and older, who will be allowed to visit Saudi Arabia in designated groups. Younger women will still be required to visit in the company of their husband or male family.


https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/saud ... index.html

https://www.saudiembassy.net/personal-visit-visa

THY4373
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by THY4373 » Fri May 10, 2019 12:00 pm

mptfan wrote:
Fri May 10, 2019 11:47 am
THY4373 wrote:
Mon Feb 19, 2018 11:15 am
As for Saudi whatever your view of their policies (and I am not a fan) there is very little risk to a western visitor there. And the point is mostly moot because they don't issue tourist visas so unless you go on business or are Muslim on the Hajj it is not going to happen.
Saudi Arabia has started issuing tourist visas as of April 1, 2018.

About the new visitor visa
Once the visa scheme is up and running from April 1, 2018, it should allow single entry within a 30-day period.
This also applies to women of 25 and older, who will be allowed to visit Saudi Arabia in designated groups. Younger women will still be required to visit in the company of their husband or male family.


https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/saud ... index.html

https://www.saudiembassy.net/personal-visit-visa
Yeah I have been watching that. I'd love to go at some point in particular to see Mada'in Saleh (the Saudi sister Nabatean city to Jordan's Petra which was stunning when I visited) but for the moment with recent developments there I'll give it a pass though I wouldn't be worried about my safety.

Barefootgirl
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by Barefootgirl » Sun May 12, 2019 11:12 am

<I pack very light with one small backpack that fits under seat in in front of me if necessary. All my clothes are rapid drying kind. This allows me to easily cover a lot of ground. It has totally transformed how I travel.>

Do you mind sharing more details? brands for example? Thank you
How many retired people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he takes all day.

THY4373
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by THY4373 » Mon May 13, 2019 8:46 am

Barefootgirl wrote:
Sun May 12, 2019 11:12 am
<I pack very light with one small backpack that fits under seat in in front of me if necessary. All my clothes are rapid drying kind. This allows me to easily cover a lot of ground. It has totally transformed how I travel.>

Do you mind sharing more details? brands for example? Thank you
Sure thing.

My bag is a Tom Bihn 30l Aeronaut. The 30L is the smaller size that will be under any current carry-on any size limit in the world. There is also a 45l version but it will be too large for some international carriers and if packed full the 45l would probably be a bit heavy for my tastes. I like this bag because it is a convertible backpack. It can be easily made to look like a computer bag which is great for airlines which have very tight weight limits on carry-on bags. I have never been hassled with this bag ever.

For clothes I purchase synthetic and merino wool clothes that can be hand washed and dry overnight (purchased from Rohan, Costco and Amazon). I generally pack three changes of clothes. For when travelling to colder climes I have a travel down jacket and use merino wool based layers (long johns). I can operate comfortably with that down to about the 30 degrees or so. Being able to layer is also key when hitting different weather on the same trip. That pretty much covers all my travel.

There are trade-offs of course. I have to do laundry regularly (really not bad at all) and I need to minimize my liquids so I may have to top up on stuff overseas if I am travelling more than 2-3 weeks. But it allows me to move around easily and I will now to go great lengths to avoid checking a bag. It has truly change the way I travel and even to some extent they way I live as i realize now how little I really need on a daily basis. Stuff limits you.
Last edited by THY4373 on Mon May 13, 2019 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

gouldnm
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by gouldnm » Mon May 13, 2019 10:37 am

When I was in my early 40's, I went through a horrible divorce. I was introverted with social phobia, but I forced myself to get involved with various community organizations to make friends. I soon met a wonderful man and we have been happily together for about 15 years. However, even after getting married, I swore that I would never again allow myself to be in the situation where I had no life outside of my marriage, so I continued to stay active with outside groups.

Recently, he was diagnosed with liver cancer, and now I am faced with the prospect of being a widow at the age of 56.

As scared as I am, the types of things I'm scared about are completely different from what I was scared of the first time. I no longer have the social phobia or worry about how I'm going to make friends. But I do worry a lot about practical things. For example, I'm not very handy and my husband has always been the person to fix up the house. He also has the house completely wired electronically in a way that's so complicated that I'm not sure I'll ever understand it. I'm not sure I would know what to do if the internet went out, for example. (Please don't think I'm completely helpless--I do manage all of our finances!).

Fortunately, I'm close to retirement, so in about 3-4 years, I'll be able to move to an apartment or retirement community where I won't need to worry so much about these things. But I'm still not looking forward to the next few years. The thought of having to clean out my house without any help and move across the country (where I have family) is overwhelming.

One thing does help: As a person who has been through a divorce and has experiences with two marriages, I know that married people are not necessarily happier than single people. Even in a GOOD marriage (which I have), there are still issues. I love my husband, but as two examples:
1. He has never been very physically fit or enjoyed walking. In recent years I've come to realize how much I miss being able to take a simple walk. Sure, I could do it alone but then I would have to find a way to fit that into my already busy schedule. I usually spend my weekends doing things with him (since we are so busy during the week), but I must admit that I'm looking forward to being single so that I can join a walking group.
2. As much as I've enjoyed being with him, it's also forced me to close off many other social opportunities. There are things that I would have liked to go to (the walking group being one of many things) that I just wasn't able to fit into my schedule without neglecting our marriage.

While I have a good marriage, there are many people in marriages that are technically functional but not great. They stay together because things aren't terrible and who wants to go through a divorce. But that doesn't mean they're happy together, and they would probably be a lot happier if they were single.

As for seeing all the happy couples--as a person who has been through a divorce, I can tell you that there a lot of people out there who are hiding things--not just from others, but from themselves! When my first husband and I got divorced, everybody was shocked because they thought we were the perfect couple and had seemed so happy together! A friend told me that everybody was saying: "If it could happen to gouldnm and X, it could happen to anyone!"

Those are just my thoughts--for whatever they're worth.

Turbo29
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by Turbo29 » Mon May 13, 2019 11:03 am

gouldnm wrote:
Mon May 13, 2019 10:37 am


While I have a good marriage, there are many people in marriages that are technically functional but not great. They stay together because things aren't terrible and who wants to go through a divorce. But that doesn't mean they're happy together, and they would probably be a lot happier if they were single.

About 20yr ago (when I was ~40) a woman at work took some time off because her father died. When she came back I asked, "How is your mother taking it?" I was shocked when she replied, "She couldn't be happier, she couldn't stand him."

I suppose a lot of marriages are like this.

littlebird
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Location: Valley of the Sun, AZ

Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by littlebird » Tue May 14, 2019 2:04 am

CULater wrote:
Sun Feb 18, 2018 11:29 am
I've spent many years coming to Sun City, AZ as a snowbird and have seriously looked into full-time living here. But, I've found senior retirement communities like this to be enormously vacuous for someone like me. Most of the population seems to be attracted to the American lifestyle of material, superficial things. Houses, cars, entertainment, socializing, cocktail parties, golfing, idle conversation and smalltalk seem to be the norm. I've tried to discover some intellectual activities, learning opportunities, classes on something intellectually stimulating, and come up with nothing. I'm sure there must be some retired academics, artists, others out here but I don't know where they are. Without straying into politics, one of the problems is that politically liberal seniors are rare birds, especially in conservative states. I'm thinking that my best bet is to find a college town that is friendly to senior singles and move there. Another idea is Victoria's idea of retiring in a major metro area. I once lived in Toronto and loved it, but now I think I'd find it much to lonely and daunting to start up in that setting. I think it's just tough for senior singles anywhere you go. Not enough cohorts and you are pretty much marginalized except in senior retirement communities, which I find unrewarding.
I did the college town thing, and much prefer the Sun Cities. Between Sun City and Sun City West there are approximately 100,000 seniors, of all educational attainments, skill levels and talents, and the activities fill newspapers every week. Having been recently widowed, I too am looking for new activities — and finding them. And in much greater numbers and variety than could possibly exist in a town not devoted to the lesiure activities of elders. Maybe some of them are too vacuous for you, but I found the “Sun City Book Club” which reads “serious” books and meets monthly. It’s listed in this week’s SCW Independent, along with hundreds of other clubs, events and activities, some of which are discussion groups, documentary movies, theater trips, college courses ( though not on the post-graduate level, I do admit). Even political and quasi-political groups of your particular bent.

I do also enjoy “ entertainment, socializing, idle conversation and small talk” with my contemporaries. I find that to be some of the great pleasures of retirement. That’s what goes on in college towns, too. That’s what people like to do. You may just need to do what people have been saying to me since my spouse died: “ Push yourself. Get out of the house. Join something. Sit down next to someone. Volunteer for something.”

Caduceus
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by Caduceus » Tue May 14, 2019 2:31 pm

gouldnm wrote:
Mon May 13, 2019 10:37 am

While I have a good marriage, there are many people in marriages that are technically functional but not great. They stay together because things aren't terrible and who wants to go through a divorce. But that doesn't mean they're happy together, and they would probably be a lot happier if they were single.
I had the opposite of your experience. I was alone for the longest time, and was pretty happy being alone too. I was busy working and taking certifications to improve my skill sets, and my idea of a happy weekend was to go on a hike with a local hiking group. But after a decade and a half of not dating - it was also hard because this was during a time when America was still fairly homophobic and it was much harder to meet gay people who wanted to settle down in long term relationships - it suddenly struck me that I was fairly lonely. It is hard for me to understand how even sometimes-bad marriages are worse than being alone, and this is coming from someone who has spent basically my entire life living pretty much alone!

I've now fallen in love (for only the second time in my life), and I can't imagine what life would be like without a partner. I could be single, but I don't think I'd be as happy, especially in retirement. It's a little weird because even the things that bring friction I end up treasuring: like our arguments over dirty dishes in the sink, the fact that he doesn't bother to do his own laundry any more, how much sports he watches. I'm afraid of being in the position you've found yourself in - alone in my old age.

gouldnm
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Re: Single People and Retirement Question

Post by gouldnm » Tue May 14, 2019 4:26 pm

Caduceus wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 2:31 pm
gouldnm wrote:
Mon May 13, 2019 10:37 am

While I have a good marriage, there are many people in marriages that are technically functional but not great. They stay together because things aren't terrible and who wants to go through a divorce. But that doesn't mean they're happy together, and they would probably be a lot happier if they were single.
I had the opposite of your experience. I was alone for the longest time, and was pretty happy being alone too. I was busy working and taking certifications to improve my skill sets, and my idea of a happy weekend was to go on a hike with a local hiking group. But after a decade and a half of not dating - it was also hard because this was during a time when America was still fairly homophobic and it was much harder to meet gay people who wanted to settle down in long term relationships - it suddenly struck me that I was fairly lonely. It is hard for me to understand how even sometimes-bad marriages are worse than being alone, and this is coming from someone who has spent basically my entire life living pretty much alone!

I've now fallen in love (for only the second time in my life), and I can't imagine what life would be like without a partner. I could be single, but I don't think I'd be as happy, especially in retirement. It's a little weird because even the things that bring friction I end up treasuring: like our arguments over dirty dishes in the sink, the fact that he doesn't bother to do his own laundry any more, how much sports he watches. I'm afraid of being in the position you've found yourself in - alone in my old age.
In my particular case:

In my first marriage, I was frequently lonely because my husband became very successful and suddently started focusing on his career. He just didn't have as much time for me. Plus the stress from his promotions made his personality change and, in turn, put stress on our marriage. I learned to keep things inside, and we mostly got along, but guess what--I was lonely!

In my second marriage, my husband's cancer dramatically changed the dynamics of our marriage. He was forced to retire early, so we no longer have work in common. I feel stressed out about the fact that he is dying, but guess what--I can't talk openly with him about that! I have to always be strong and positive! Because of his illness, I no longer have time for hobbies or activities or other friends. There are lots of support groups, but I don't have time to join them. Once again, I keep it all inside.

This is just my particular case.

Here are some examples of when you might feel alone in your marriage:
--People change. You might find, after a period of time, that you and your partner have moved in opposite directions and no longer have much in common. You don't fight, but you just don't have a whole lot to talk about any more.
--When you get married, you still don't know everything there is to know about your partner. They might seem fine until you have a major crisis in your life (e.g., you lose your job or have a major health problem). They might not be able to handle the stress or maybe they weren't that nice to begin with. People misread people all the time.
--Circumstances change. Let's say the two of you did a certain activity every weekend, but suddently, the other person can no longer participate in this activity (it could be due to a health problem or maybe they got a promotion and now have to work overtime). You no longer have this activity in common. If they got a promotion, they might resent you for having more free time, while you might resent them for having a more successful career. Or you have children, and that can change things dramatically.
--Marriage takes time and committment. As soon as you get married, you start closing off your options to meet other people. I'm talking about friendships, not other romantic relationships. I didn't realize how much my life revolved around my husband until I got divorced. In my second marriage, I have tried to stay involved in outside activities but it is difficult, especially now that my husband has a major health problem.

These are just a few examples (there are many more), and none of these things have to be show stoppers or lead to divorce. But they can definitely change the dynamics of a marriage.

The bottom line is that people change and circumstances change, and when we commit to a relationship, we frequently close off other options and friendships because time is precious, and we want to meet our obligations to our partners. But meeting those obligations frequently means sacrifice in the form of loss of time and friendships.

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