Soon to be dad, how to prepare

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Sandtrap
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Sandtrap » Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:16 am

stoptothink wrote:
Sun Apr 14, 2019 8:39 am
TallBoy29er wrote:
Sat Apr 13, 2019 7:41 pm
Regarding stuff....do not buy all the junk people say that you "need.". It is indeed just that, junk, and not only wastes money, but becomes clutter. Trust me, a bumbo (Google it) isn't worth the stuff it's made from. :D
Agreeing to this is pretty much all I have to add. Outside of childcare, children cost as much as you want them to. The majority of the "stuff" we were given (not even bought) was maybe tried once, put back in the box, and then later given to someone else with a newborn.
+1
Often, the cardboard box that a toy came in is far more intriguing than the toy. And, with such a rapid rate of growth, Savers, etc, for clothes, etc. is a great place.

EnjoyIt
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by EnjoyIt » Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:40 am

I more thing.
There are ovet 7.5 billion people in the world today most of them have participating dads who did just fine. You will do just fine as well.

dknightd
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by dknightd » Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:46 am

Know how to get to your hospital of choice. Keep gas in your car.
Know where to park once you get there. Keep money in your wallet.
Know how to get from parking lot to birthing area.
Have an infant car seat available for the trip home.
Some diapers might be a good idea.
Take a deep breath. Take another. It will all be fine :)

uclalien
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by uclalien » Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:57 am

If you are having a daughter, read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters:
barnesandnoble.com/p/strong-fathers-str ... YqEALw_wcB

Also, if you can afford it, have a professional photographer do a photo shoot with your baby in the first week or two after they are born. Your baby will look change very quickly.

inspector00
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by inspector00 » Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:28 am

1. You're going to make mistakes and that's ok, There's a lot of conflicting advice out there and you just need to trust your instincts and don't have any regrets.
2. Every baby is different, what works for someone else won't work for you. There's a lot of trial and error.
3. Sleep as much as you possibly can in the days leading up to birth, It's exciting/terrifying which will keep you up but I regretted the wasted sleep opportunities.
4. Everyone says they grow up so fast but in my experience the first year crawled by (no pun intended). It's ok not to feel enamored by every smile, giggle, roll, etc. They'll get a lot more interesting.
5. Don't buy too much junk, if possible try to borrow from friends/relatives so you don't waste money on stuff you don't need.
6. Try to find some time to spend with just you and your wife, that relationship is very important not to lose when you have a kid.

triggerfish10
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by triggerfish10 » Sun Apr 14, 2019 1:14 pm

Dad of 2 (5 and almost 4) here. Three things that I found really worked well for us:

1.) Your baby will live almost full time in footy pajamas, at least at first. You can buy them either with a zipper or with snaps. I highly recommend getting ones with a zipper if you can. There were countless times that I would change a diaper in the middle of the night, only to discover that when I had re-snapped the 12+ snaps up to the top I had missed one somewhere near the bottom and had to undo them all and try to align them correctly the second time. Not fun at 3 am and the baby is crying because it, like you, just wants to go back to sleep.

2.) My wife almost exclusively nursed our two children, but we soon figured out that a formula bottle right before bedtime seemed to satiate our kids a little while longer than breast milk, which let them, and us, get a bit more sleep before the first middle of the night feeding.

3.) It is inevitable that your baby will get diaper rash - it is just a fact of life. We found that a 40% zinc oxide cream (and not the 13% zinc oxide option), did a much better job at letting that painful and sensitive area heal. It is pretty thick and coats really well (it looks like you applied some sort or primer to your kids butt). A tub of the stuff can be expensive, but trust me, it is well worth the extra money.

P.S. Having 2 kids 15 months apart like we did is pretty tough :shock:
"A quiet and modest life brings more joy than a pursuit of success bound with constant unrest" - Albert Einstein

mega317
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by mega317 » Sun Apr 14, 2019 4:37 pm

triggerfish10 wrote:
Sun Apr 14, 2019 1:14 pm
when I had re-snapped the 12+ snaps up to the top I had missed one somewhere near the bottom
Eh. Somewhere along the line with kid 2 I decided that didn't matter 8-)

But I agree, zippers. Footies are way harder to get on though.

Atilla
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Atilla » Sun Apr 14, 2019 5:33 pm

Soon to be Dad - how to prepare? Be the best husband you can to your wife or you will be replaced by the kid.
The Village Idiot - here for your entertainment.

BusterMcTaco
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by BusterMcTaco » Sun Apr 14, 2019 6:07 pm

I will just chime in that some babies are better sleepers. You may not be waking up constantly for a year like some are saying. You'll not know how your kid is until you know.

One thing that did immediately hit me was that for the rest of my life I would worry about my daughter. From the day she was born, hopefully until the day I die long before her, I will always be scared of something terrible happening.

ND Fan 1
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by ND Fan 1 » Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:49 pm

JoeRetire wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 1:03 pm
CP1 wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 12:54 pm
Just wanted some feedback on how to prepare myself
Start by waking up from a sound sleep every 2-4 hours. Don't worry, that phase only lasts for 18 years or so.

Good luck.
Thanks for the good laugh, we are expecting baby #4 in August and just keep resetting the clock, haha. Somehow you just survive with irregular sleep.

I read a bio of Gen David Petraeus, who would sleep 5 hrs a night and run 5 miles every morning during his 18 months in Iraq. If he can fight a war with that little sleep, I think I can survive my days...though 4 kids under 7 will be my own little battle, haha.
Last edited by ND Fan 1 on Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

josehde
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by josehde » Sun Apr 14, 2019 10:09 pm

Congratulations OP! Don't sweat buying too many clothes. They will grow up too fast anyway, and family and friends might pass on some of theirs.

An extra measure of understanding and patience is required. Know that you and your wife will be frustrated many times than you would like, and that's okay, but be mindful of not shutting off or putting your frustrations to each other.

Caduceus
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Caduceus » Mon Apr 15, 2019 4:23 am

I've noticed that first-time parents tend to over-compensate and worry about every thing. And then by the time the third child rolls around, they have a sense of what to worry over and what not to.

Try to get any leftover to-do things out of the way since time will be at a premium. Stuff that is not urgent but important. Try to put things on auto-pilot and simplify your life as much as possible prior to arrival of baby because you'll be very sleep deprived.

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Youngblood
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Youngblood » Mon Apr 15, 2019 7:58 am

staythecourse wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 4:15 pm
GT99 wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 2:57 pm
staythecourse wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 2:29 pm

8. Most important be VERY supportive to your wife. Mine had post partum depression and it was REALLY bad with our first. Even without it (for the second) the hormone changes that first 3-4 months postpartum makes them very vulnerable.
This is huge and needs to be highlighted. My wife also had bad post-partum, and I was too dense to realize what the heck was going on until it was pretty much gone, and it took close to a year. Do research before the baby is born to understand what to look for. That was a really tough year for us and I wish I would have known it was more than just the stress of having a baby.
We are docs so picked it up immediate. Still didn't help. It was a tough first 6 months. It was difficult as she was a totally different person. Interestingly, my wife is very upfront so whenever we have dinner with friends and it comes up it is amazing how many folks have similar stories or know somebody who went through it. Sad, each person felt they were the only folks who were going through it at the time. Reaching out for support through friends, family, and professional through your OB is a must and done early.

Good luck.
Take the above advice very seriously. A fellow teacher and chess player got married, celebrated the birth of his first child (everything was seemingly perfect) until his wife stabbed him to death over the Thanksgiving break due to post partum depression.
"I made my money by selling too soon." | Bernard M. Baruch

BogleBoogie
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by BogleBoogie » Mon Apr 15, 2019 8:03 am

Buy the book Baby Wise. You won't regret it.

https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Babywis ... way&sr=8-1

squirm
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by squirm » Mon Apr 15, 2019 8:10 am

BusterMcTaco wrote:
Sun Apr 14, 2019 6:07 pm
I will just chime in that some babies are better sleepers. You may not be waking up constantly for a year like some are saying. You'll not know how your kid is until you know.

One thing that did immediately hit me was that for the rest of my life I would worry about my daughter. From the day she was born, hopefully until the day I die long before her, I will always be scared of something terrible happening.
Yup, same here.

JoeRetire
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by JoeRetire » Mon Apr 15, 2019 12:49 pm

ND Fan 1 wrote:
Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:49 pm
JoeRetire wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 1:03 pm
CP1 wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 12:54 pm
Just wanted some feedback on how to prepare myself
Start by waking up from a sound sleep every 2-4 hours. Don't worry, that phase only lasts for 18 years or so.

Good luck.
Thanks for the good laugh, we are expecting baby #4 in August and just keep resetting the clock, haha. Somehow you just survive with irregular sleep.

I read a bio of Gen David Petraeus, who would sleep 5 hrs a night and run 5 miles every morning during his 18 months in Iraq. If he can fight a war with that little sleep, I think I can survive my days...though 4 kids under 7 will be my own little battle, haha.
When my sons got older, I learned to enjoy waking up at 5:30 so that I could shower, shave, and dress before waking them up for school and making their breakfast. Then I headed off to work where I was always the first one in.

Now that I'm retired, I'm trying hard to undo that habit - unsuccessfully so far. Oh well, I'm a morning person.

getthatmarshmallow
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by getthatmarshmallow » Mon Apr 15, 2019 1:15 pm

Congratulations!

In terms of gear, all you really need is a safe carseat, and a safe crib for the baby to sleep. Nearly everything else is personal and optional, and beware the baby-industrial complex that will sell you literally anything.

In terms of the baby itself, as Dr. Spock wrote : trust yourself. You know more than you think you do. Parenting groups online can help but are also a ball of crazy so use with caution.

In terms of your wife, consider that if all goes well, it will be like she ran a marathon and someone handed her a baby instead of a finisher's medal. You are the support crew, especially if she's breastfeeding. Having meals and snacks prepped or delivered were a big help in the first few weeks for us.

Foredeck
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Foredeck » Mon Apr 15, 2019 1:31 pm

Congratulations! Becoming a dad is a fantastic life changing experience.

My wife and I took classes at our delivering hospital. During the class they provided us with a checklist of things to do and when to do them. It was helpful.

Couple ideas. Maybe you'll find them helpful.

1.) Prepare ahead of time a few weeks or months worth of meals and freeze them. The first month or two is a blur and having pre-made meals made life little easier.
2.) Set up a support network of family and friends that are interested in helping. Most likely you'll both be exhausted and having a helping hand is appreciated.
3.) Have some savings set aside. Every delivery is different. Our's had some complications and an extended hospital stay and we had to pay out of pocket. Think we paid around $10K out of pocket.
4.) Be aware and keep an eye out for postpartum depression and get help if it's an issue.
5.) Sleep tends to be hard to get. First year we were totally exhausted, but it gets better with time.

:beer - cheers!

Texanbybirth
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Texanbybirth » Mon Apr 15, 2019 1:55 pm

ND Fan 1 wrote:
Sun Apr 14, 2019 9:49 pm
JoeRetire wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 1:03 pm
CP1 wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 12:54 pm
Just wanted some feedback on how to prepare myself
Start by waking up from a sound sleep every 2-4 hours. Don't worry, that phase only lasts for 18 years or so.

Good luck.
Thanks for the good laugh, we are expecting baby #4 in August and just keep resetting the clock, haha. Somehow you just survive with irregular sleep.

I read a bio of Gen David Petraeus, who would sleep 5 hrs a night and run 5 miles every morning during his 18 months in Iraq. If he can fight a war with that little sleep, I think I can survive my days...though 4 kids under 7 will be my own little battle, haha.
I laughed as well when I read JoeRetire's post. I think 18 years is a little long - we have a 4yo and 2yo who sleep through the night pretty much every night - but as we're in the thick of #3 (5 weeks old) doing this I couldn't help but let out a sleep-deprived chuckle.

OP, there's this thing called "the fourth trimester", which is basically the idea that the first 3 months are just totally different from how baby will be "normally". We're counting down the time till #3 surpasses this 4th trimester. (Talking with a pediatrician friend apparently human babies would be better off with a 12-month gestational period, but anatomically that's not feasible between mom and baby.)

All our kids sleep/slept in our beds as babies, but only on mom's side. I'm too hard of a sleeper, and unfortunately I have nothing to offer a hungry baby at 3a. They've turned out fine, and neither of the older two particularly even like sleeping in our bed anymore. I wouldn't let the fear-mongering get to you if you decide to make that choice.

As far as all the junk and crap to buy, you'll probably buy too much of it, and only realize it after you've bought/used it and can't return it. :D That's okay, just don't get carried away, and certainly don't put it on credit! I would say, any seller who is promising to "fix" something that parents have been dealing with with babies/children since time immemorial, that seller is probably lying and you don't need it. :happy
"Knowledge and innocence are both excellent things, and they are both very funny. But it is right that knowledge should be the servant and innocence the master." - GK Chesterton

fulltilt
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by fulltilt » Mon Apr 15, 2019 4:34 pm

staythecourse wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 4:27 pm
Bronko wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 3:36 pm

I'll agree Britax is made like a piece of iron. Very safe seat, I've seen it first hand.
Interesting. I thought baby/ child stuff is pretty well regulated and every product meets the same standards? Or is that minimum standards and you are saying Britax goes above those minimum standards?

We had a Chicco or something like that. My wife was involved in a near total to her car and that one made it through with no issues, but assumed all car seats that made it to the market would have done the same.

Good luck.
They are made to meet standards, but they are different in how they implement those standards. *The* most important thing with a car seat is that it is installed correctly, and baby is strapped in correctly (Roughly 60% are NOT). After safety, i think washability is super important too. It isn't a matter of if a kid is going to poop/peep/barf on the seat, it is a matter of when and how many times. A car seat is not a place i would skimp. +1 on the Chicco seat.

Frank Grimes
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Frank Grimes » Mon Apr 15, 2019 5:06 pm

If you're breastfeeding, get freezer bags for excess milk. Production will probably exceed demand for a while when Junior is small. At least that was the case for our kids. Pumping the excess helps relieve discomfort when that happens, and will be helpful in the future when the supply starts waning.

Use a double knot at the bottom of the diaper genie sleeve for extra security.

If you think you'll be squeamish about handling pee-filled and poopy diapers, do not worry. You won't be. Not for long anyway.

Blanket on the floor will be an easy, safe place to put your baby until they start rolling.

As other have mentioned, baby-dedicated furniture is unnecessary such as a changing table. just use a normal dresser and tack a $10 foam changing pad to it.

Instead of tedious-to-install door locks for our kitchen cabinets, I used broccoli rubber bands that I loop over the cabinet knobs.

I have no experience with other brands but the Chicco KeyFit 30 worked great for us. We had petite kids so it lasted a while for them. We had a base for each car, the lightweight frame stroller it snaps into and also a larger Citi Mini GT stroller with an adapter that the seat could snap into.

I remember at buy buy baby there was some like $400 swing that rocked in like a figure 8 motion. I would not gamble $400 on something my kid may not like. The less fancy swing we ended up getting was a dud. Neither kid liked it that much. The much cheaper bouncer we also had was well loved and napped in.

JoeRetire
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by JoeRetire » Mon Apr 15, 2019 5:12 pm

CP1 wrote:
Fri Apr 12, 2019 12:54 pm
We are expecting our first baby end of June and its has started slowly sinking in. I am already getting anxiety writing this post :?
Just wanted some feedback on how to prepare myself, what to buy and recommendations on car seat, crib, stroller, anything else?
One more suggestion/request - let grandparents be involved if at all possible.

My wife and I were lucky enough to babysit our grandchildren. We picked them up on our way to our second home each Thursday night, had them stay with us Friday, and returned them home on Friday night.

We thoroughly enjoyed it, and have a terrific bond with both the kiddos. It saved their parents a good bit of daycare money as well.

The youngest will be off to kindergarten in the fall, so no more Thursday nights + Fridays. We'll find a way to be in their lives on weekends and summers.

Grandchildren are the best!

apple44
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by apple44 » Mon Apr 15, 2019 5:21 pm

A mom here.
Don't get scared! It's not as bad as people say, at least for us. Our baby was pretty good, and my husband didn't lose much sleep at all! Baby was sleeping in a bassinet by our bed during the first three months, and I slept on the side of the bed by the bassinet and breastfed my baby at night, and my husband didn't even wake up when baby cried for milk because baby wasn't loud -- he's so tiny. My husband was so ready to lose sleep, and when it didn't happen, he was so surprised, and said, well, we can have another one!

So in my family, during the first month, taking care of baby was my main job and my husband's main job was to take care of me. And I truly appreciate that. My husband always asks about how I feel before he asks about baby. Sometimes baby would start to cry because he's hungry or whatever, and I might be tired or just needed a minute to respond, and my husband never said, not even once: why don't you feed the baby? He's crying! He knew I would take care of baby and there's no reason to rush me. Instead, he often hung around me and asked: How are you doing today? Are you OK? Do you need anything? What can I do for you? Of course he loves the baby (he's a great father, our boy now prefers him than me:) but he loves me more, and that gave me enormous safety and strength as a mother and wife. Happy mommy happy baby! Happy wife happy life!

Sam1
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Sam1 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 5:15 am

Read books about baby/toddler sleep.

It’s true some kids are better sleepers than others. But Every single friend I have with a child who doesn’t sleep well is doing things to encourage the not sleeping. They don’t seem to realize this and you can’t point out these things. But it’s super obvious to me. There are some simple things you can do that encourage sleep. Once your child reaches a certain point and has been taught bad sleep habits, you’re kind of screwed. I have a friend trying to teach her 2.5 year old to sleep through the night. This woman would go into the child’s room for any crying for years and rock the child back to sleep. Doing this for hours every night. She thinks her kid is just a bad sleeper. I simply refuse to do this unless the child is sick. Because my child has been taught to sleep I know him screaming at night is a big deal I need to attend to and isn’t just a child who doesn’t want to sleep.

The first few weeks don’t really matter and you need to feed the baby all the time (mom probably does - lucky you!). But once the baby gets older it starts becoming important to practice good sleep hygiene.

Thegame14
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Thegame14 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:45 am

Each baby is different, first baby only slept 2-2/12 hours when first came home, DW does breastfeeding for first year if possible. We set up a schedule where we each could sleep 4-5 hours straight and rotated who stayed up and when, also had to fit my work schedule, so I think I took shift 1 and DW went to bed at like 8pm and slept to 1AM, then we switched and I would sleep 2AM to 7AM, and I would feed baby bottled breast milk that she pumped, or supplemental formula if she didn't produce enough.

baby #2, slept 5 hours when we came home and at 3 weeks was sleeping 7 hours a night and we didn't really have to adjust anything.

Also enjoy each stage, take lots of pictures. I read something that sticks with me, you never know when your last is going to be.... The last bottle you are going to feed them, the last time you have them sleep in a basinet in your room, the last time they call you dugga instead of dada, etc. so take time to enjoy each stage as one day that stage will be over and you will miss it.

apple44
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by apple44 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 2:54 pm

Thegame14 wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:45 am

Also enjoy each stage, take lots of pictures. I read something that sticks with me, you never know when your last is going to be.... The last bottle you are going to feed them, the last time you have them sleep in a basinet in your room, the last time they call you dugga instead of dada, etc. so take time to enjoy each stage as one day that stage will be over and you will miss it.
Awwww this paragraph gets me all teared up!
I totally agree! Try to relax and enjoy every moment, including every diaper change, every baby cry and every sleepless night. It won't last forever.

Thegame14
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Re: Soon to be dad, how to prepare

Post by Thegame14 » Tue Apr 16, 2019 3:06 pm

apple44 wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 2:54 pm
Thegame14 wrote:
Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:45 am

Also enjoy each stage, take lots of pictures. I read something that sticks with me, you never know when your last is going to be.... The last bottle you are going to feed them, the last time you have them sleep in a basinet in your room, the last time they call you dugga instead of dada, etc. so take time to enjoy each stage as one day that stage will be over and you will miss it.
Awwww this paragraph gets me all teared up!
I totally agree! Try to relax and enjoy every moment, including every diaper change, every baby cry and every sleepless night. It won't last forever.
Exactly, one day you will miss waking up to a crying baby when they have left the house all grown up, you will miss hearing little feet running down the hall, you will wish you had a baby to hold, one day they wont want to be held anymore, so enjoy each hug, cherish each laugh, take every picture, be present in each moment.

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