Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
LK2012
Posts: 201
Joined: Mon Apr 30, 2012 4:42 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by LK2012 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:08 am

OP, any updates on what you've worked out?

RudyS
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2015 10:11 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by RudyS » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:25 am

cj2018 wrote:
Mon Jul 30, 2018 2:34 pm
DanMahowny wrote:
Mon Jul 30, 2018 12:33 pm
Something I'm very good at is determining if a marriage is going to work out or not.

Don't get married. Sorry man.
Unfortunately, I agree with DanMahowny on this one :(

I know this is not what you want to hear or looking for, but just by OP’s story and description so far, your future wife will be counting pennies and “equal share” of everything every step of the way down the line beyond just houses - education for your (not her) kids for instance.

Sorry mate, having the same value and outlook, especially financially, is what makes or breaks the marriage.
One more vote for not doinbg this (at this time). Much more discussion needed.

RudyS
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2015 10:11 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by RudyS » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:38 am

scotthew wrote:
Tue Jul 31, 2018 11:04 am
I would say that gender role is not accurate at all in our case - I'm 100% responsible for transporting the kids, cooking for them, etc. She has a minor supporting role with the kids - and will step in occasionally, but that is the exception rather than the norm. Ditto with the current house.
sorry I can't see this marriage. speaking from 56 years of a traditional (in term of roles)happy marriage. Maybe you just need to wait a while.

Broken Man 1999
Posts: 1438
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2015 11:31 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by Broken Man 1999 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:37 pm

Too bad we can't read posts by her.

All we are reading is one side. Not saying it isn't 100% accurate, but, who knows?

Broken Man 1999
“If I cannot drink Bourbon and smoke cigars in Heaven than I shall not go. " -Mark Twain

User avatar
cheese_breath
Posts: 7927
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:08 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by cheese_breath » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:49 pm

Broken Man 1999 wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:37 pm
Too bad we can't read posts by her.

All we are reading is one side. Not saying it isn't 100% accurate, but, who knows?

Broken Man 1999
We've seen enough to conclude this marriage is a bad idea regardless of who's right or wrong.
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.

scotthew
Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2015 7:34 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by scotthew » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:07 pm

We having been getting marital counseling for quite some time - and that does help with the non-financial aspects of the relationship (how to deal with emotional differences and non-financial conflicts). However, the counseling does not help out all with negotiating our financial arrangement in marriage, and I think we've both come to the conclusion that the only path forward would be to seek mediation for that. The end game of the mediation could be failure, and that's fine, because at least we learned we're not compatible. Every time the prenup comes up, the day is ruined, and the only hope is that a mediator can help us communicate more effectively with less emotion involved.

At some point, do you have so much professional help just to keep a relationship going, is it even worth it any more? I should emphasize that I do love her when we are alone together and we aren't butting heads over combining finances or dealing with the kids.

As for the children's arrangement, they are 50/50 custody, no alimony, and I effectively pay most of the kids expenses - child care and medical.

User avatar
cheese_breath
Posts: 7927
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:08 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by cheese_breath » Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:34 pm

scotthew wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:07 pm
... At some point, do you have so much professional help just to keep a relationship going, is it even worth it any more? I should emphasize that I do love her when we are alone together and we aren't butting heads over combining finances or dealing with the kids...
I don't mean to be a SA, but do you love her when you're butting heads over finances or kids? Marriage is a 24/7 affair, even when you're fighting.
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.

Gnirk
Posts: 844
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:11 am
Location: Western Washington

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by Gnirk » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:11 pm

Even though my DH and I keep our finances separate we are financially compatible......and that is really important, in my opinion. We dated for 11 years before marrying, so we wouldn’t need to worry about raising each other’s children. We married as soon as my youngest was about to graduate from college. There was a huge disparity in our incomes, and when we married, we signed a pre-nup. He paid most of our living expenses, and still does.

In your situation, with equal incomes and with you having children, her demands make this sound more like some kind of business partnership than a marriage. Your children need to feel welcomed and if not loved, at least genuinely liked, by your wife. If a bigger house isn’t really necessary, then don’t buy one. And if you do buy one, then split the cost according to your incomes.

adam1712
Posts: 350
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:21 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by adam1712 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:38 pm

There are a lot of red flags here but I think some people are a little too negative too. I think it's understandable that trying to find a marriage, financial-arrangement, prenup that works from now until your deaths is overwhelming in your situation.

I'd be trying to think about the finances in two phases:
1) The 8-10 years when the kids will be home
2) The empty nest phase

I'd be just focusing on the next 8-10 years. I'd think about taking either joint homeownership or marriage off the table. I'd consider marrying but keeping finances as is and completely separate for the first few years. Or I'd think about co-owning on the house with very clear fraction of ownership as more of a business contract with no marriage. Both of these have risks but I think you both have your eyes open and could come up with the proper legal safeguards. Or if your gut is telling you to walk away, that's what you should do.

Broken Man 1999
Posts: 1438
Joined: Wed Apr 08, 2015 11:31 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by Broken Man 1999 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:04 am

cheese_breath wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:49 pm
Broken Man 1999 wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:37 pm
Too bad we can't read posts by her.

All we are reading is one side. Not saying it isn't 100% accurate, but, who knows?

Broken Man 1999
We've seen enough to conclude this marriage is a bad idea regardless of who's right or wrong.
It does seem fraught with issues. The most basic foundation for marriage, IMHO, is to go from "me" and "you" to "us."

Broken Man 1999
“If I cannot drink Bourbon and smoke cigars in Heaven than I shall not go. " -Mark Twain

scotthew
Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2015 7:34 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by scotthew » Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:05 am

adam1712 wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:38 pm
There are a lot of red flags here but I think some people are a little too negative too. I think it's understandable that trying to find a marriage, financial-arrangement, prenup that works from now until your deaths is overwhelming in your situation.

I'd be trying to think about the finances in two phases:
1) The 8-10 years when the kids will be home
2) The empty nest phase

I'd be just focusing on the next 8-10 years. I'd think about taking either joint homeownership or marriage off the table. I'd consider marrying but keeping finances as is and completely separate for the first few years. Or I'd think about co-owning on the house with very clear fraction of ownership as more of a business contract with no marriage. Both of these have risks but I think you both have your eyes open and could come up with the proper legal safeguards. Or if your gut is telling you to walk away, that's what you should do.
I like your idea, but from a legal point of view, I don't know how to make that happen in a simple way (other than to defer marriage until the kids are gone)

User avatar
cheese_breath
Posts: 7927
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:08 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by cheese_breath » Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:25 am

scotthew wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:05 am
adam1712 wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:38 pm
There are a lot of red flags here but I think some people are a little too negative too. I think it's understandable that trying to find a marriage, financial-arrangement, prenup that works from now until your deaths is overwhelming in your situation.

I'd be trying to think about the finances in two phases:
1) The 8-10 years when the kids will be home
2) The empty nest phase

I'd be just focusing on the next 8-10 years. I'd think about taking either joint homeownership or marriage off the table. I'd consider marrying but keeping finances as is and completely separate for the first few years. Or I'd think about co-owning on the house with very clear fraction of ownership as more of a business contract with no marriage. Both of these have risks but I think you both have your eyes open and could come up with the proper legal safeguards. Or if your gut is telling you to walk away, that's what you should do.
I like your idea, but from a legal point of view, I don't know how to make that happen in a simple way (other than to defer marriage until the kids are gone)
If you're bound and determined to go through with this, then do the color in red.
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.

adam1712
Posts: 350
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:21 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by adam1712 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:14 am

scotthew wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:05 am
adam1712 wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 10:38 pm
There are a lot of red flags here but I think some people are a little too negative too. I think it's understandable that trying to find a marriage, financial-arrangement, prenup that works from now until your deaths is overwhelming in your situation.

I'd be trying to think about the finances in two phases:
1) The 8-10 years when the kids will be home
2) The empty nest phase

I'd be just focusing on the next 8-10 years. I'd think about taking either joint homeownership or marriage off the table. I'd consider marrying but keeping finances as is and completely separate for the first few years. Or I'd think about co-owning on the house with very clear fraction of ownership as more of a business contract with no marriage. Both of these have risks but I think you both have your eyes open and could come up with the proper legal safeguards. Or if your gut is telling you to walk away, that's what you should do.
I like your idea, but from a legal point of view, I don't know how to make that happen in a simple way (other than to defer marriage until the kids are gone)
It won't be simple but it at least might help jumpstart discussions when you are at an impasse. Breaking things up into smaller chunks to determine what is really important to each of you, then move to determine the legal steps necessary. Also, being legally married might not make sense currently but that might not mean you couldn't have a wedding and present yourself more like a married couple. You might need to check the common-law marriage rules on that.

mptfan
Posts: 4662
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 9:58 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by mptfan » Fri Aug 10, 2018 12:26 pm

adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:14 am
Also, being legally married might not make sense currently but that might not mean you couldn't have a wedding and present yourself more like a married couple. You might need to check the common-law marriage rules on that.
Are there people who invite their friends and family to a wedding ceremony and go through with a wedding and have someone pronounce them to be man and wife but not be legally married? Maybe I'm out of touch, but I didn't know that was a thing.

RudyS
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2015 10:11 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by RudyS » Fri Aug 10, 2018 12:32 pm

mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 12:26 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:14 am
Also, being legally married might not make sense currently but that might not mean you couldn't have a wedding and present yourself more like a married couple. You might need to check the common-law marriage rules on that.
Are there people who invite their friends and family to a wedding ceremony and go through with a wedding and have someone pronounce them to be man and wife but not be legally married? Maybe I'm out of touch, but I didn't know that was a thing.
Maybe this is a tangent, but perhaps some form of "commitment" ceremony? But, as I said earlier, I don't think this is the time to get married. Too many unresolved issues.

chevca
Posts: 1906
Joined: Wed Jul 26, 2017 11:22 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by chevca » Fri Aug 10, 2018 1:35 pm

scotthew wrote:
Thu Aug 09, 2018 9:07 pm
At some point, do you have so much professional help just to keep a relationship going, is it even worth it any more? I should emphasize that I do love her when we are alone together and we aren't butting heads over combining finances or dealing with the kids.

As for the children's arrangement, they are 50/50 custody, no alimony, and I effectively pay most of the kids expenses - child care and medical.
Wow... so, if you have the kids 50% of the time and you likely butt heads on issues even when it's just the two of you, you love this woman less than 50% of the time?

I'm guessing you may have worded that poorly. But, your sub-conscious may be speaking to you there. Why are you two thinking marriage? If it takes this much work, and counseling, and there are so many differences before marriage even....

How did you two get along before the marriage talk and combining finances came about? If things were great then, maybe just be together and drop the marriage idea. Or, get 50/50 custody of the new wife and she only comes around when the kids are with their mother. I kid there... :happy

I'm sure there's more to the story, but from what you're posting and telling us, OP, I have no clue as to why you want to get married, or why she wants to get married. You know this can't end well, right?

pspice78
Posts: 16
Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2018 8:06 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by pspice78 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 2:05 pm

Your story sounds eerily similar to mine except I'm the woman who makes more (and has no debt) and has a child and my partner is the man with no house and lots of debt wanted to do the buy a house 50/50 thing. I said no. He was upset about it at first but I honestly presented it as I am not willing to compromise on this. We stayed put in the house I own out right and I've agreed to reexamine the whole marriage thing once my daughter is grown. That arrangement is working out well for us once we got past the initial fireworks to work it all out.

I'm sorry to the OP who is going through this because you are in an awkward position. It's ok to trust your gut though. And it's also ok to have a non-traditional cohabitating relationship. Families come in all different shapes and sizes and it's ok to not be in the big house with the husband and wife and two kids with the picket fence and all that. These are things I've had to come to terms with myself and actually took a while for all that to sink in. Best of luck to you.

kacang
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2018 7:43 am
Location: CA

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by kacang » Fri Aug 10, 2018 2:47 pm

Please consider this decision carefully.

When we marry someone, don't we marry the whole package, kids and all? She doesn't sound like she's ready to be a mother to your kids.

DH and I embraced all our kids equally, whether they are a step-kid or biological. They are all our kids, we chose to marry and form a family, I can't imagine doing it any other way. Maybe we're just old fashioned.

adam1712
Posts: 350
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:21 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by adam1712 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm

mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 12:26 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:14 am
Also, being legally married might not make sense currently but that might not mean you couldn't have a wedding and present yourself more like a married couple. You might need to check the common-law marriage rules on that.
Are there people who invite their friends and family to a wedding ceremony and go through with a wedding and have someone pronounce them to be man and wife but not be legally married? Maybe I'm out of touch, but I didn't know that was a thing.
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing. All I'm saying is one shouldn't let the legal constraints ruin a relationship. Now maybe this relationship is headed to an end anyway. And it might be time to increase the level of commitment but one should consider all the different options of how to do that.

mptfan
Posts: 4662
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 9:58 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by mptfan » Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:52 pm

adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing.
I didn't know that was a thing. Do you send out commitment ceremony invitations? I don't mean to be glib, I am genuinely curious. Do you make it clear when you invite people that it is a commitment ceremony and not a wedding? I just have never heard of that. And what do you say in the vows?

masha12
Posts: 48
Joined: Tue Jan 24, 2017 2:34 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by masha12 » Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:06 pm

mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 12:26 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 11:14 am
Also, being legally married might not make sense currently but that might not mean you couldn't have a wedding and present yourself more like a married couple. You might need to check the common-law marriage rules on that.
Are there people who invite their friends and family to a wedding ceremony and go through with a wedding and have someone pronounce them to be man and wife but not be legally married? Maybe I'm out of touch, but I didn't know that was a thing.
Whitecoatinvestor.com just had a guest post from a doctor who did this in order to work the loan forgiveness program to his advantage. The only people who knew it wasn't a "real" wedding were the couple's parents and presumably (as one of the commentators pointed out) the "officiant" who would not have completed a marriage license.

LawProf
Posts: 18
Joined: Sun Feb 03, 2013 12:32 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by LawProf » Sat Aug 11, 2018 9:42 am

OP,

You don't want to get married (at least right now). You've literally said this. You don't want to get married. For the sake of yourself, your kids, and your partner, don't get married. It's not fair to anyone. Forget negotiations, mediation, everything -- you don't want to get married. Case closed.

adam1712
Posts: 350
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2007 5:21 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by adam1712 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:03 am

mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:52 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing.
I didn't know that was a thing. Do you send out commitment ceremony invitations? I don't mean to be glib, I am genuinely curious. Do you make it clear when you invite people that it is a commitment ceremony and not a wedding? I just have never heard of that. And what do you say in the vows?
I'm not an expert. You can google it and know as much as me. People appear to do it for various reasons and probably do it in a variety of ways. I'm not saying it's what the OP should do, but just brainstorming all the possible solutions.

scotthew
Posts: 59
Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2015 7:34 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by scotthew » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:11 am

adam1712 wrote:
Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:03 am
mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:52 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing.
I didn't know that was a thing. Do you send out commitment ceremony invitations? I don't mean to be glib, I am genuinely curious. Do you make it clear when you invite people that it is a commitment ceremony and not a wedding? I just have never heard of that. And what do you say in the vows?
I'm not an expert. You can google it and know as much as me. People appear to do it for various reasons and probably do it in a variety of ways. I'm not saying it's what the OP should do, but just brainstorming all the possible solutions.
Funny that came up up. We had considered about a year ago, and we were both enthusiastic about it, but her enthusiasm wore off gradually. I'm game though. Sounds great!

User avatar
cheese_breath
Posts: 7927
Joined: Wed Sep 14, 2011 7:08 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by cheese_breath » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:13 am

scotthew wrote:
Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:11 am
adam1712 wrote:
Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:03 am
mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:52 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing.
I didn't know that was a thing. Do you send out commitment ceremony invitations? I don't mean to be glib, I am genuinely curious. Do you make it clear when you invite people that it is a commitment ceremony and not a wedding? I just have never heard of that. And what do you say in the vows?
I'm not an expert. You can google it and know as much as me. People appear to do it for various reasons and probably do it in a variety of ways. I'm not saying it's what the OP should do, but just brainstorming all the possible solutions.
Funny that came up up. We had considered about a year ago, and we were both enthusiastic about it, but her enthusiasm wore off gradually. I'm game though. Sounds great!
That should save the expense of a divorce, but it won't solve the underlying problems that would lead to a divorce.
The surest way to know the future is when it becomes the past.

dekecarver
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:24 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by dekecarver » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:24 am

As long as this thread has run, identified serious implications for the OP and his children based on the info provided, and the OPs continued longing for love (?) and marriage, I'm starting to wonder of the veracity of the situation. It has become somewhat of a soap opera situation. It does make for fun reading and I actually sign in to get a status update; damn near could script out a short movie. Thinking about it actually reminds me of the movie: Parent Trap. :D

indexonlyplease
Posts: 1183
Joined: Thu Apr 30, 2015 12:30 pm
Location: Pembroke Pines, FL

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by indexonlyplease » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:26 am

I am about to embark on a second marriage and hoping to buy a house in the not so distant future. I have children and my spouse does not, so clearly I am concerned about estates and
This is your real problem. The first marriage did not work but you think the second will. Not that I am against a second marraige but why not wait until the kids are adults. Why put you kids in a situation with another wife/mom.

Then if there is a must be married bucause can't live without a wife, you should be talking to her about a prenup. If this is a touchy situation then forget the marriage. A piece of paper from the government does not mean this is the only way you can be together.

Married adults forget it's about the kids happiness when you decided to have kids. Not yours. To many kids are damaged from second marriages and sefless parents.

Call Dr. Laura. She will explain better.


Good Luck.

Sagefemme
Posts: 63
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2018 9:31 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by Sagefemme » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:51 am

As for appearing married without actually being married, my husband and I got married (really) 36 years ago in a judge's office, with one witness. I swear not once since then have I had to prove I'm married. We don't have the same last names. We have two kids. We have owned several houses together. We lived in a foreign country for a year where I had a visa as the spouse of a full time student. Do we have a marriage certificate somewhere? I have no idea.

User avatar
BL
Posts: 8271
Joined: Sun Mar 01, 2009 2:28 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by BL » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:20 am

Sagefemme wrote:
Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:51 am
As for appearing married without actually being married, my husband and I got married (really) 36 years ago in a judge's office, with one witness. I swear not once since then have I had to prove I'm married. We don't have the same last names. We have two kids. We have owned several houses together. We lived in a foreign country for a year where I had a visa as the spouse of a full time student. Do we have a marriage certificate somewhere? I have no idea.
It might be easier to locate one now rather than later when you might need it for something like SS.

THY4373
Posts: 752
Joined: Thu Mar 22, 2012 3:17 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by THY4373 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 11:28 am

indexonlyplease wrote:
Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:26 am
this is your real problem. The first marriage did not work but you think the second will. Not that I am against a second marraige but why not wait until the kids are adults. Why put you kids in a situation with another wife/mom.

Then if there is a must be married bucause can't live without a wife, you should be talking to her about a prenup. If this is a touchy situation then forget the marriage. A piece of paper from the government does not mean this is the only way you can be together.

Married adults forget it's about the kids happiness when you decided to have kids. Not yours. To many kids are damaged from second marriages and sefless parents.
I agree with the above, while there are a number of reasons I am unlikely to ever get remarried my current number one reason is that I am not going to put my son through merging families, etc, while he is still at home. He and I have a great relationship (improved actually since my divorce a couple of years ago). My principal focus right now is on getting him launched in life and enjoying our last years living together (I have him 50% of the time). My ex-wife seems to have come to a similar conclusion on her own.

Edit: I should add that it is still not clear to me what you are getting out of this to make you want to get married? To put it bluntly (and I would say the same to your potential wife) is she (he for your significant other) worth this kind of hassle? If it is rough now it will almost undoubtedly be worse once you are married.

dekecarver
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 10:24 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by dekecarver » Sun Aug 12, 2018 5:59 am

scotthew wrote:
Tue Jul 31, 2018 8:02 pm
To clarify, I don't think she has a problem with them inheriting wealth as minors under the supervision of a guardian (e.g. if I die, a life insurance policy would pay out to a trustee, whom would make payments to the legal guardian until the age of 18). I think her problem is with "trust fund underachievers" that don't fulfill their potential because they have a lifetime security blanket.

To the OP: I think here within lies one problem; you are making an assumption regarding "I don't think ....inheriting wealth as minors under the supervision of a guardian .." and " I think her problem ..."; dude, you are attending counseling with her and this hasn't been clarified? If not, stop making assumptions and ask her vs thinking what she may be doing or not.

User avatar
TomatoTomahto
Posts: 7595
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 1:48 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by TomatoTomahto » Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:58 am

mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:52 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing.
I didn't know that was a thing. Do you send out commitment ceremony invitations? I don't mean to be glib, I am genuinely curious. Do you make it clear when you invite people that it is a commitment ceremony and not a wedding? I just have never heard of that. And what do you say in the vows?
Think about it. What do you think committed same sex couples did, or do where the church/government won’t recognize their union? And, yes, you do sound glib and condescending.

mptfan
Posts: 4662
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2007 9:58 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by mptfan » Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:25 am

TomatoTomahto wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:58 am
mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:52 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing.
I didn't know that was a thing. Do you send out commitment ceremony invitations? I don't mean to be glib, I am genuinely curious. Do you make it clear when you invite people that it is a commitment ceremony and not a wedding? I just have never heard of that. And what do you say in the vows?
Think about it. What do you think committed same sex couples did, or do where the church/government won’t recognize their union? And, yes, you do sound glib and condescending.
I knew it was a thing for same sex couples, but the OP is heterosexual, so implied in my question was I did not know that was a thing for heterosexuals. I'm not being glib or condescending, I did not know about it and I am genuinely curious. When the invitations go out for a commitment ceremony, is it referred to as a wedding or a marriage?

User avatar
TomatoTomahto
Posts: 7595
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 1:48 pm

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by TomatoTomahto » Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:37 am

mptfan wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 7:25 am
TomatoTomahto wrote:
Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:58 am
mptfan wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:52 pm
adam1712 wrote:
Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:31 pm
I probably should have said commitment ceremony but those are definitely a thing.
I didn't know that was a thing. Do you send out commitment ceremony invitations? I don't mean to be glib, I am genuinely curious. Do you make it clear when you invite people that it is a commitment ceremony and not a wedding? I just have never heard of that. And what do you say in the vows?
Think about it. What do you think committed same sex couples did, or do where the church/government won’t recognize their union? And, yes, you do sound glib and condescending.
I knew it was a thing for same sex couples, but the OP is heterosexual, so implied in my question was I did not know that was a thing for heterosexuals. I'm not being glib or condescending, I did not know about it and I am genuinely curious. When the invitations go out for a commitment ceremony, is it referred to as a wedding or a marriage?
My apologies if I painted you with an inappropriate brush. Tbh, I don’t know/remember what the invitations say. It’s their party, so probably fielder’s choice.

RudyS
Posts: 1295
Joined: Tue Oct 27, 2015 10:11 am

Re: Joint Ownership of home with second wife

Post by RudyS » Sun Aug 12, 2018 3:20 pm

Maybe a diversion, but this was asked more than once: possible wording: (via Google)
https://www.thespruce.com/commitment-ce ... ng-3489787

Post Reply