Relaxing - quieting the mind

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Faisal
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Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Faisal »

This may not belong here, so please feel free to close it or something along those lines.

I work in a rather stressful time intensive job and as a parent of a young kid, myself and the mrs are always "on call" 24/7 and the more i get focused on various aspects of the world, work, socializing, home, extended families etc, the more i find I have less time for myself and I am finding it very difficult to find time to destress.

I am always doing 1 thing, or doing another or planning for something else. I can't find time or space to just relax and destress.

Does anybody have any tips on how to just relax? Find ways or time not to find centre again.
livesoft
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by livesoft »

I pet the dog who nuzzles up and looks in my eyes soulfully.
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jabberwockOG
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by jabberwockOG »

Pick a sport that requires intense concentration and focus - racquetball, table tennis, tennis, etc. and play hard. Few things are better to fully take your mind off of all other things in life past, present, and future and into the moment and fully present.
KlangFool
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by KlangFool »

OP,

Breathe slowly. Yoga or Tai Chi.

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drawpoker
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by drawpoker »

Well, you probably can't change the decorating scheme at work but in your home you should definitely look into incorporating the principles of Feng Shui.

Don't waste your money paying a professional Feng Shui consultant, you can do the research on your own and turn your home environment into a tranquil place with the correct harmony of ying and yang. Really. No fooling.
Sasquatch
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Sasquatch »

Yoga has helped me a lot in this area. It does eat up a bit of time though. It’s worth it to me.

Something else to consider https://www.amazon.com/Art-Mindfulness- ... hahn+books
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Sandtrap
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Sandtrap »

1. Relax in a reclining beach chair. Browse the Boglehead forum.
2. Cat sleeping on your lap as you do the above.
3. Sip a cool drink and eat a snack while doing the above.
4. Feel the cool ocean trade winds blowing softly through the palm trees that surround you as you are doing the above.
5. Hear the distant rhythms of Hawaiian music and steel guitar from the hotel lounge on the shores of Waikiki as you are doing the above.
6. Replace your cool drink with a Mai Tai. Repeat the above. Refill your Mai Tai with a "Double" Mai Tai.
7. Imagine your investment portfolio growing and prospering as you do the above.
8. Repeat and repeat all of the above.
j :D
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Luckywon
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Luckywon »

Try mindfulness meditation. There are apps. I like headspace.
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baconavocado
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by baconavocado »

Intense exercise, like long runs or long, strenuous bicycle rides, with steep climbs, in the heat, preferably with a partner who is in better shape than you. Or a 2 hour spin class, or 1 hour of interval training on a treadmill.

It might not seem relaxing at first, but 30 mins. after you stop you will be *very* relaxed.
davidsorensen32
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by davidsorensen32 »

Look no further. Recreational marijuana is 100% effective 100% of the time on 100% of the population. If you’re in one of the states where it’s legalized I highly recommend you try it in small doses. It calms the mind very effectively
Faisal wrote: Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:23 pm This may not belong here, so please feel free to close it or something along those lines.

I work in a rather stressful time intensive job and as a parent of a young kid, myself and the mrs are always "on call" 24/7 and the more i get focused on various aspects of the world, work, socializing, home, extended families etc, the more i find I have less time for myself and I am finding it very difficult to find time to destress.

I am always doing 1 thing, or doing another or planning for something else. I can't find time or space to just relax and destress.

Does anybody have any tips on how to just relax? Find ways or time not to find centre again.
Last edited by davidsorensen32 on Tue Aug 07, 2018 12:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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baconavocado
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by baconavocado »

Sandtrap wrote: Mon Aug 06, 2018 11:45 pm 2. Cat sleeping on your lap as you do the above.
But not with a fat, long-haired cat who sheds and drools.
drawpoker
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by drawpoker »

Yes, and also, if you scroll back to the post, there was something mentioned about eating a snack at the same time this sleeping cat was positioned on lap.
Good LUck with that Plan :P :P :P :P
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DanMahowny
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by DanMahowny »

Get hammered. A 12-pack of Budweiser will shut down your mind for a finite period of time.
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gd
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by gd »

Get off the internet, perhaps make it inconvenient to use-- e.g. minimal desktop computer in an undesirable location. Eliminate your social media accounts. Use a non-smart cell phone. If someone needs your attention enough to contact you, they will. The rest will stop cluttering up your life with contacts demanding immediate gratification. However, most likely you will conclude this particular cure is worse than the disease.
bklyn96
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by bklyn96 »

Get outside for a while on a regular basis and stay with it throughout the year. Start with a 30-minute walk or easy run three days a week if you haven't been exercising much.
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climber2020
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by climber2020 »

Faisal wrote: Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:23 pm This may not belong here, so please feel free to close it or something along those lines.

I work in a rather stressful time intensive job and as a parent of a young kid, myself and the mrs are always "on call" 24/7 and the more i get focused on various aspects of the world, work, socializing, home, extended families etc, the more i find I have less time for myself and I am finding it very difficult to find time to destress.

I am always doing 1 thing, or doing another or planning for something else. I can't find time or space to just relax and destress.

Does anybody have any tips on how to just relax? Find ways or time not to find centre again.
Get rid of everything not essential. What does "socializing" and "extended families" mean? Those are two things I would either drastically cut down on or eliminate if it were me. If I don't have 4 to 5 hours of unstructured free time each day, I don't feel right, so what you're describing sounds pretty terrible.

It might be more helpful if you could provide a very detailed description of what you do each day in a typical week.
Grt2bOutdoors
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Grt2bOutdoors »

Put on a pair of ear mufflers, put gas in lawn mower, mow for 20-60 minutes. You will enjoy the quietness of the grass blades screaming “NO!!” as you chop an inch off. Repeat each week. Trim the bushes, whack the weeds. Your mind will be at ease.
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Leemiller
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Leemiller »

A friend recently tried one of those sensory deprivation tanks - she said it was amazing and quieted her mind. I’m planning on trying that myself. Otherwise, I find that vacations, maybe even more so a short girls’ trip does wonders for me.
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sleepysurf
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by sleepysurf »

As an "audiophile", I've found that listening to music (sitting down and really listening, not just background music) is very relaxing and meditative, particularly if classical and/or acoustic.

My favorite all-time album for this is Gary Karr's Super Double Bass (actually XRCD format, but plays on a regular CD player). The resonant sounds of double bass (with some organ and piano accompaniment) always lull me into an endorphin-infused trance within minutes. Unfortunately, it's long out of production, so copies command a hefty premium. You can hear track samples here... https://www.allmusic.com/album/super-do ... 0001394007
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lostdog
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by lostdog »

Meditation.

Read a book.

I read a book called "The Power of Now". With practice it changed ged the way my mind worked.

You can also look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy material at your local library. CBT for stress and anxiety. You can also find a CBT teacher or therapist that specializes in anxiety and stress. Your health insurance might cover it.
Last edited by lostdog on Tue Aug 07, 2018 7:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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carolinaman
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by carolinaman »

First, take the time to do something relaxing every day. Relaxing and quieting your mind are as important as anything else you do, so take the time to do something that you enjoy and that relaxes you.

When I was in the middle of my highest stressful jobs, jogging at lunchtime or right after work was a great de-stresser. Alternatively, taking a long, slow walk might work for you. I also found that playing golf (walking) late in the day by myself when it was less crowded could be very relaxing, regardless of how I played. For others, it might be something like getting in a quiet place and listening to relaxing music or reading a book.

Meditation can be really good to quiet the mind and rejuvenate the body. At one point in my career I got so stressed that I was constantly thinking and worrying about my work, regardless of whether I was at work or not. I developed insomnia and was sleeping only about an hour or two a day. I realized I had to fix this. I went to EA and talked with a psychologist and she recommended a meditation class at a local college. I took it and it was amazing how well it helped me. I was soon able to resume normal sleep and was able to compartmentalize the issues causing my stress. The meditation class taught me how to "control my thoughts" rather than my "thoughts controlling me".

You are wise to ask this question before serious consequences of stress affect you. Best wishes.
DetroitRick
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by DetroitRick »

I have always had the same problem. Even in retirement now it creeps back in. These are all really great suggestions so far. What works for me varies - pure relaxation (like petting the dog, listening to music that I like, exercise, nature, watching ships sail by). Or sometimes I need immersive activities to do the trick - things that really pull me in, require my attention, and divert my concentration. Best example for me personally is playing a musical instrument. Reading works for me too, sometimes, but depends on what and when. As has been said earlier, I find the internet to completely NOT work for this. I'm hoping to pick up more tips for this as this thread continues - I need to get better at this.
gotester2000
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by gotester2000 »

OP,

Not living in the moment but the desire for milestones and goals creates problems and unnecessary competition. The moment you realize that nothing is certain you really start appreciating your current life and living.
Be involved in things that you should do at your age without thinking too much - it is the best way to relax.
mega317
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by mega317 »

Just wait until you have a second kid.

I used to wake up before everyone else and have tea or something while reading the paper. Now my kids are up at 5 and the news is less relaxing. I practice mindfulness or listen to audiobooks while cooking and doing dishes.
bondsr4me
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by bondsr4me »

I find yoga to be very relaxing yet good physical therapy.

It certainly has helped me.
J295
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by J295 »

I had three principles for stress reduction when I was working – – prayer, nutrition, exercise. They provided stress reduction, but were not a panacea.

You may be hardwired to experience more stress – – I was. The cold hard truth in my case was that retiring early and having a less stressful existence has been infinitely more valuable than any other various tools that can be put in the stress reduction toolbox. Of course, you don’t have that option now, other than perhaps a less stressful vacation if that’s possible, so use your best available tools reasonable expectations for the outcomes and keep treading water is my advice.

Best wishes.
Last edited by J295 on Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:20 am, edited 1 time in total.
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DanMahowny
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by DanMahowny »

Grt2bOutdoors wrote: Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:23 am Put on a pair of ear mufflers, put gas in lawn mower, mow for 20-60 minutes. You will enjoy the quietness of the grass blades screaming “NO!!” as you chop an inch off. Repeat each week. Trim the bushes, whack the weeds. Your mind will be at ease.
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lthenderson
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by lthenderson »

Faisal wrote: Mon Aug 06, 2018 10:23 pmI work in a rather stressful time intensive job and as a parent of a young kid, myself and the mrs are always "on call" 24/7 and the more i get focused on various aspects of the world, work, socializing, home, extended families etc, the more i find I have less time for myself and I am finding it very difficult to find time to destress.
My solution is to adjust your bedtime/waketime to have some freetime. When my kids were little, I put them to bed at eight and stayed up a few hours enjoying the evening reading a book, having an adult beverage, etc. Now that they are older and want to stay up later and sleep in later, I get up earlier so I have a few hours to read the morning newspaper and get caught up on the news. I will probably keep this lifestyle until they are both out of the house.
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Blueskies123
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Blueskies123 »

Try the Headspace meditation app. But you have to commit to practicing every day. I find doing complex mathematics or physics in my head is effective.
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Jazztonight
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Jazztonight »

You're getting some good recommendations and advice. (Also some ridiculous suggestions!) That's what this forum is famous for.

Personally, I don't believe in mindfulness any longer--forcing such things has never worked for me. In my opinion, you are mindful when you need to be and when your life depends on it. As humans, we can look far beyond the next meal; that's how we're wired, and that's why it's so difficult to stay in the moment.

As far as meditation is concerned, I sort of feel the same way; I've never been happy sitting quietly for very long. I'd rather take a nap. But that's just me. YMMV.

I never slept particularly well after I had children, and I'm 71 now. That doesn't mean I wasn't active, creative, involved with physical activities, productive, and successful. I was, and I still am. I just believe that ones personality and other traits will direct how you deal with the stresses and ups and downs of life.

You'll find peace where you find it. Keep going and enjoy everything and everyone you can. Good luck!
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PoppyA
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by PoppyA »

Another vote for Yoga. I recommend restorative. You don’t have to be able to do anything except get down on the floor and breath. Don’t be afraid to give it a try.

Another Yoga in Nidra. Look for a utube video, put on some headphones and relax.
Epont
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Epont »

I’m 80 years old and I started riding a motorcycle at 52. You have to stay in the moment when you ride so all the other stuff gets cleared away. Works for me.
Twood
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Twood »

My suggestion is to try to get more sleep. That's my underlying problem driven by similar issues as you state, and I cope much better when I have more sleep. Unfortunately I don't know how to get from a multi-interrupted 3 hours of sleep a night (a situation extreme I hope you're not dealing with, but we did, for years) to enough for actual vs zombie function, we improved slowly over time as the kids started sleeping better, not anything we had control over. Or maybe I'm over-projecting my problems on you 😀
g2morrow
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by g2morrow »

Go on a hike in the woods - NO ELECTRONICS - 5-10 miles, your choice. You'll get back to nature and calm your mind.
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BL
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by BL »

Sudoku.
fishmonger
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by fishmonger »

Grt2bOutdoors wrote: Tue Aug 07, 2018 6:23 am Put on a pair of ear mufflers, put gas in lawn mower, mow for 20-60 minutes. You will enjoy the quietness of the grass blades screaming “NO!!” as you chop an inch off. Repeat each week. Trim the bushes, whack the weeds. Your mind will be at ease.
Even better get a ride on and have a beer while you do it!
fishmonger
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by fishmonger »

Go for a walk in the woods
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Dottie57 »

DanMahowny wrote: Tue Aug 07, 2018 5:25 am Get hammered. A 12-pack of Budweiser will shut down your mind for a finite period of time.
No. Headache after. A couple of Buds is not worth it.
drawpoker
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by drawpoker »

fishmonger wrote: Tue Aug 07, 2018 1:33 pm Go for a walk in the woods
Relaxing? Quieting the mind? Seems that would ADD to the stress level, not reduce, for the OP

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Socal77
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Socal77 »

Meditation app "Breathe." Free content or pay for full access.

Exercise, especially cardio.

Study Senecas' "Letters from a Stoic" and Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations."
Loik098
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Loik098 »

Figure out why things cause you stress to begin with, and eliminate the source or eliminate the mindset.

Fix the source, rather than putting a band-aid on the problem.....which is what a lot of the "de-stressing" suggestions given here do.

High levels of stress lead to poorer health outcomes. Doing 15 minutes of yoga after allowing yourself to be stressed out for 8 hours at work won't really fix that.
bhsince87
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by bhsince87 »

Do a search on "7-11' breathing. It's a 3-5 minute exercise you can do when you're feeling stressed through out the day.

I eventually morphed it into 8-12 breathing. I'm musically minded, and working in counts of four seems more natural to me.
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Rupert
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Rupert »

Schedule time for yourself and stick to the schedule. If necessary, pay someone to care for your kid(s) during these times. It's worth every penny. The way it works in my house is I get to go to the gym alone for 1-2 hours on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. My spouse gets to go for long runs (also 1-2 hours) on Tuesday and Thursday nights and on Saturday mornings. We are as rigid about keeping to this schedule as we are about getting the kids to school on time and getting ourselves to work on time. Family, social, and community obligations are rarely permitted to interfere.
BJJ nerd
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by BJJ nerd »

Lifting weights does the trick for me. Martial arts is a close second.
Nowizard
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Nowizard »

A cartoon today: My doctor recommended meditation for relaxation, but I prefer martini's. That fits sometimes, but the best relaxation for me is either fishing or recounting fishing trips mentally or with photos.

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Pete12
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by Pete12 »

In no particular order:

Yard work (get tremendous satisfaction doing it myself while watching the neighbors spend $$$s on their weekly lawn services)
Go for a quick bike ride around the neighborhood
Whack a small bucket of golf balls at the driving range
And finally most effective after a long week: mix up a martini, put the TV on, then fall asleep on the couch :sharebeer
gouldnm
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by gouldnm »

They say owning a cat helps lower blood pressure, and there is a lot to be said for having a fat, purring kitty snuggling next to you.

Of course, some times when kitty starts doing something annoying to attract your attention, it seems like the opposite is true. The trick is to just be sure you get the right kitty.
maria00200
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Re: Relaxing - quieting the mind

Post by maria00200 »

These are some things that relax me, not in any particular order.
1.) take a hot bath
2.) getting frisky with my spouse if you know what I mean
3.) spending time at the waterfront either just watching my husband go fishing or just taking a walk along the water
4.) exercise (walking outdoors, the gym, swimming)
5.) watching old classic shows or movies, just makes me feel cozy
6.) reading
Who needs marijuana lol
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