Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

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LadyGeek
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Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by LadyGeek » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:44 pm

Earlier this month, my husband passed away. He had a long-term health condition that finally overcame him. The past 6 months or so were difficult for me to manage, as his dementia got worse while his mobility rapidly declined. There were mulitple trips to the hospital ER and rehabilitation facilities.

I fully understand what being a caregiver means and I wouldn't want to wish that designation on anyone.

In October, a few days after the Bogleheads conference, he became unsafe to stay at home. He left home for the last time and ended up in a nursing home. His death was expected. I can now put my mind at peace knowing he's in a better place.

On the financial and legal side, all of the plans put in place were executed. Before his dementia fully kicked in, I obtained POA for his investments and joint ownership of his bank accounts (for a spouse, joint ownership has more advantages than a POA).

I utilized his medical POA for his many trips to hospitals and nursing homes (he was in more than one). His standby POA was used to sell a car that was titled in both our names. The POAs are now null and void.

I'm now taking care of the finances, such as inheriting his IRAs (treat as own), consolidating / closing accounts, Social Security death benefit, and changing my employer benefits (qualifying event).

BTW, Vanguard's customer service is excellent. They walked me through the IRA inheritance process while I did everything online. FYI - You can upload a snapshot of the death certificate. No Medallion signature nor original paper are required. They can confirm the death by a different method, if needed.

===============
I'm making this information public because I want to share what I've learned in forum posts and the wiki. For example:

- A bank IRA CD follows the same inheritance rules as a stock or bond. I liquidated several bank IRA CDs and rolling them over to my traditional IRA (treat as own).

- The funeral home arrangements (direct cremation, no service) were purchased as an insurance contract. Wait, what? Yes, the funeral home director is an insurance agent. The details are posted in: Making funeral arrangements? Consider "pre-need" insurance

- Health Savings Account - Although I can claim MFJ tax status for 2020, HSAs work in real-time. I must reduce my contributions to the single person limit (plus catch-up).

Thank you to the Bogleheads Conference attendees whom I privately confided my husband's condition to. Your support (and advice) was much appreciated.

Revised 1/23/2020: Added link to insurance policy discussion.
Wiki To some, the glass is half full. To others, the glass is half empty. To an engineer, it's twice the size it needs to be.

tommy85
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by tommy85 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:47 pm

Sorry to hear about your loss. Will keep you in our prayers

TomCat96
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by TomCat96 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:48 pm

so sorry to hear about your loss

H-Town
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by H-Town » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:49 pm

My deepest condolences to you. Thank you for sharing what you have learned going this process.

njuser
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by njuser » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:50 pm

Thank you for sharing. Sorry for your loss.

Silence Dogood
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Silence Dogood » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:50 pm

I am so sorry to hear this, LadyGeek.

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1210sda
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by 1210sda » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:50 pm

Thank you Lady Geek for your kindness and concern for your fellow BH. For sharing your experiences with those who might find themselves in a similar situation later.
God bless you and give you strength.

1210

LiterallyIronic
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by LiterallyIronic » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:51 pm

Sincere and deepest condolences.

KlangFool
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by KlangFool » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:52 pm

Sorry for your loss!!

KlangFool

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Mlm
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Mlm » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:52 pm

My sincere condolences. You've been through a lot, please take care of yourself now.

bondsr4me
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by bondsr4me » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:53 pm

My most sincere condolences to you and family.

I will keep you in my prayers.

AerialP
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by AerialP » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:53 pm

May peace be with him, may peace be with you, and may peace be with your families. Thank you for sharing.

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TomatoTomahto
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by TomatoTomahto » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:54 pm

My condolences and heartfelt appreciation for the selflessness that you show by sharing and educating about this part of the journey.
Okay, I get it; I won't be political or controversial. The Earth is flat.

snailderby
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by snailderby » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:56 pm

So sorry for your loss. You will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Silk McCue
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Silk McCue » Wed Jan 22, 2020 7:59 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing.

HomeStretch
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by HomeStretch » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:00 pm

I am sorry for your loss.

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nedsaid
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by nedsaid » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:00 pm

I am very sad to hear this. The loss of a spouse is one of the most difficult things in life to deal with. May you find comforting and blessing during this time of grief.
A fool and his money are good for business.

wyoming82240
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by wyoming82240 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:01 pm

Despite your personal loss, you are trying to educate us, which is very selfless. So sorry for your loss.

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Sandtrap
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Sandtrap » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:03 pm

Condolences
Prayers
J🏝
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boglenomics
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by boglenomics » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:06 pm

Sorry for your loss and best of luck to you and surrounding family during this time of grief. The information you graciously share will hopefully help others through the logistics associated with such tragic loss of life.

Beehave
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Beehave » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:07 pm

Condolences, and sincere thanks for all you do.

With best wishes.

mindboggling
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by mindboggling » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:08 pm

So sorry for your loss. Thank you for educating us and for keeping the forum civilized.
In broken mathematics, We estimate our prize, --Emily Dickinson

More Please
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by More Please » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:10 pm

So sorry about your loss, Lady Geek. I’ve admired you at the Boglehead meetings,now I admire you more. Thanks for the info, we’ll all need it soon enough. Best wishes.

Longdog
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Longdog » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:12 pm

I'm so sorry to learn of this news. I have no doubt that he was lucky to have you in his life, and as his caregiver. May he Rest in Peace.
Steve

ShiftF5
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by ShiftF5 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:13 pm

I’m very sorry for your loss LadyGeek.

I’m sending peace and prayers your way.

KESP
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by KESP » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:14 pm

So sorry for your loss. Being the caregiver is more difficult than most people could ever imagine. I’m sure you must still be exhausted. Thank you for sharing all the steps you took during this difficult time.

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Ben Mathew
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Ben Mathew » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:14 pm

So sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience with what must be one of the hardest periods of our lives.

Best wishes, and take care of yourself.

Ben

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ThereAreNoGurus
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by ThereAreNoGurus » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:15 pm

Sorry to hear this and for your loss, but thanks for making the effort to pass along what you learned (and your continued selfless efforts as a moderator).
Trade the news and you will lose.

fyre4ce
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by fyre4ce » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:16 pm

Very sorry to hear about your loss. You're an enormous asset to this community and have helped (directly, and indirectly through maintaining the excellent standards by which it is run) countless people get closer to financial success. It says a lot that you would take a tragic event like this and turn it into an opportunity for others here to learn from- though hardly unexpected by those who have interacted with you. I hope you can take the time to mourn the way you need to.

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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by ReformedSpender » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:17 pm

Condolences LadyGeek
Market history shows that when there's economic blue sky, future returns are low, and when the economy is on the skids, future returns are high. The best fishing is done in the most stormy waters.

cholan
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by cholan » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:18 pm

You are a very brave lady.
My condolences.
...leaving not a rack behind.

curious george
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by curious george » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:18 pm

My condolences to you
Life indeed can be sad at times.
I can say by sharing through this forum, you have made my life and many others better.
Thank you for sharing - even in this time of grief

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joe8d
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by joe8d » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:20 pm

Sad for you.
All the Best, | Joe

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friar1610
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by friar1610 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:21 pm

My deepest sympathy. Thank you also for your concern for members of them BH community by your sharing the details of dealing with the aftermath.
Friar1610

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fishandgolf
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by fishandgolf » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:21 pm

My condolences to you and your family LadyGeek………...wishing you and your family a peaceful time to deal with this...……….

wfromm
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by wfromm » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:23 pm

My sincerest condolences to you regarding your husband. Also thank you so much for what you do for us Bogleheads.

Helo80
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Helo80 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:24 pm

Very sorry to hear this, and thank you for all of your efforts to make this place successful --- especially considering more important personal stuff seemed to surround you.

Ron Ronnerson
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Ron Ronnerson » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:24 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your family.

Pinotage
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Pinotage » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:26 pm

So sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing this part of your life here.

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mindgap
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by mindgap » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:30 pm

So sorry for your loss LadyGeek.

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LadyGeek
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by LadyGeek » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:30 pm

Thanks to everyone. I've been receiving a lot of support from family and friends. I'm at the point where I feel comfortable discussing the situation in-person and in the forum. It's not a problem.

When he entered the nursing home for the final time, an employee recommended an evaluation by the hospice service. That was the best decision I ever made (for the situation). He qualified for hospice (less than 6 months to live), which opened up a ton of specialized care that the nursing home couldn't provide.

Hospice is the one thing insurance companies got right (according to the hospice service) and was fully covered under Medicare. He had full hospice support in the nursing home.

Hospice provides on-call 24/7 support for social services, chaplain, and nursing. Also, bereavement counseling is covered up to 13 months after the patient passes. I recommend having at least one discussion with the bereavement counselor - it's free and you can decide if more sessions are needed.

Additional details - My husband was a military veteran. Death certificates are free from the VA (requested by the funeral home). There are also VA cemeteries which will provide free burials (we didn't go this route).
Wiki To some, the glass is half full. To others, the glass is half empty. To an engineer, it's twice the size it needs to be.

Compound
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Compound » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:31 pm

Sending heartfelt condolences to you and your family LadyGeek.

J295
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by J295 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:33 pm

Thank you for your kindness in sharing this personal news. Sincere sympathy to you and your family

Teague
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Teague » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:34 pm

My deepest condolences to you, and to family. You are a rock (and you totally rock.) You give so much, to us on this forum, and of course to your late husband, and I'm sure to others who we do not know. Please do treat yourself well during this difficult period.
Semper Augustus

Explorer
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Explorer » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:37 pm

So sorry LadyGeek.. your selfless service in these difficult times is amazing. All the best to you!

Big Dog
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Big Dog » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:38 pm

My deepest sympathies for your loss, and a BIG thank you for all you do for this site.

mrb09
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by mrb09 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:38 pm

Sorry for your loss and thank you for making this into a teaching moment for others.

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tooluser
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by tooluser » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:39 pm

My condolences to you and your family.

My father passed away earlier this month in very similar circumstances. Dementia took a little part of him away each day over several years, with my mother as his primary caregiver for all but the last 9 months, when he was in a care home, though she was there every day.

My parents were/are not Bogleheads, but my father's prudent financial, health, and estate planning made the transition much easier than it would be otherwise (though it is still going on).

Edit to add: Ditto on hospice.
Last edited by tooluser on Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AnonLady
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by AnonLady » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:40 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mr.BB
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Re: Sad news: LadyGeek's husband has passed

Post by Mr.BB » Wed Jan 22, 2020 8:41 pm

I'm sorry for your loss.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

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