Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
porro
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by porro » Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:46 pm

rrosenkoetter wrote:
jimmyrules712 wrote:Do they want to meet someone from the same socioeconomic class as they are in, or does that not matter to them?
The problem with this is they don't belong to a very large socioeconomic class. Being rich doesn't automatically make you part of a social class. There are going to be a VERY VERY tiny number of people their age who were lower middle-class 12 years ago and filthy rich today. The very rich 25 year-olds they might meet likely have very different life-views and experiences...

Being born rich, and living rich your whole life definitely affects a person's personality. And just because Daddy's rich, it doesn't mean the daughter or son isn't a gold-digger...

Your 25 and 27 year-old offspring are rich in their own right... Personally, I'd imagine they would do better with middle-class 25 year-olds who have the same memories at 12 as they do... I think they would be more likely to find a solid mate looking at middle-class young adults who made it through college, who have jobs and money they've earned 100% on their own, instead of only dating 25-year olds who are rich because of Daddy.

You know, rrosenkoetter, what you wrote is intuitively what our kids are looking at right now. They feel that they had to work hard to get where they are at. They came from no money to having lots of money. They are not so interested in silver-spoon trust funders that have never worked, striven, or done anything other than sponge off the family money. Your ideas are exactly the direction they are moving to as an avenue to finding a match.

Grt2bOutdoors
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:46 pm

How about placing the IP in a trust? You stipulate the terms of the trust,ie. no outside interference, etc.
"One should invest based on their need, ability and willingness to take risk - Larry Swedroe" Asking Portfolio Questions

porro
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by porro » Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:51 pm

PreserveCapital wrote:It's patently obvious that the OP's children have vastly more than enough wealth to do whatever "due diligence" might be necessary before or during the process of becoming seriously involved with a potential life partner. That include legal work with a trust & estates lawyer or matrimonial lawyer, accountants, etc., to protect existing assets--all of which are non-marital--in an iron-clad way. Getting such professional advice would cost a miniscule fraction of their total net worth. The children, if they wish, have more than enough money to do other kinds of due diligence--private investigators, background checks, etc.

So, that's not the "real issue" in this thread at all IMO.

The OP, as the parent of the talented children who are the ones who are actually earning all this money, IMO is concerned that if either meet another person and get serious, the control of the relationship, and hence of the children's finances, will slip from OP's hands. The OP wants to get advice, IMO, about how they can "direct" their adult children to somehow get involved only with the sort of potential spouse who would be content to allow the OP's child to remain within the OP's control.

The first paragraph of your post is spot on. The kids have even explored outfits like Kelleher International and Valenti International, paid matchmakers, due diligence on pontential matches, etc. These guys can charge up to $100K and more. Hmm. . .

The rest of your post in not relevant to our situation or our family at all and is way off-base.

porro
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by porro » Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:54 pm

dalerobk wrote:It's not at all clear to me what's going on from OP's posts. He said something about a business and his kids going into it. That implied to me that his son's fame was independent of it. If OP is just a parasite feeding off of his son, then I hope his sone cuts off OP and does his own thing. It would be appalling for OP to try to coerce his son into a pre-nup so as to protect himself and ensure his payday continues. Again, it's not clear to me that that is what's happing, but if it is, OP is a pretty horrible person for trying to control his son for his own financial benefit.

Again, way off-base. The four of us in the family are content creators. One of the kids is very well-known.

porro
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by porro » Tue Jan 31, 2012 5:01 pm

GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote:How about placing the IP in a trust? You stipulate the terms of the trust,ie. no outside interference, etc.
This has been discussed with the attorneys and accountants, but the trusts as explained to us make us nervous. You relinquish control to someone else. Just dealing with what lack of control you have with an irrevocable life insurance trust was illustrative. A trust company makes decisions out of your control. They charge yearly administration fees and assets under management fees. You don't call the shots anymore. So we go through the trouble of making money entrepreneurially and then give up control.

There was some advice we got to put it into a trust offshore or other asset protection scheme offshore. I don't know if this is such a good idea with the FATCA law, but we are open to checking things out.

InsideTheCult
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by InsideTheCult » Tue Jan 31, 2012 6:35 pm

To keep them away from the dirty Proles, join the most expensive country club in the area.
Spend all of your free time there.

dalerobk
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by dalerobk » Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:44 pm

I just want to get this straight. Are you telling me that your kids have no choice about a prenup? They have to have one? How is that even possible? Certainly it must be up to them. Did they sign papers somewhere along the way that says that if they were to get married they have to have a prenup? If so, is that even legal? I'm really confused.

robocop
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by robocop » Tue Jan 31, 2012 8:20 pm

porro wrote:
Imperabo wrote:Are you sure they're even looking for suitable match to get married? They're young and rich. Maybe they just want to have fun and they're feeding their parents this line so they'll get off their back about marriage and starting a family. Just a theory, but seriously finding a nice person to mate with isn't hard at all if that's really what you're looking for.
If anything, I am the one urging caution. We got to watch my wife's father get taken to the cleaners by his wife: he 86, her 52. She juiced him to the tune of $2.5 million over the course of five years. He filed for divorce. After $60,000 in legal fees to get free of this parasite, he is left is his house as a renter, the property was purchased by a young family. He lost his business and all he left is his pension and Social Security, with no savings, no assets. I always laugh when I see stories like this. As if it weren't obvious before the marriage that the significantly younger party was in it for the money, and the older party wasn't well-aware of the risks of marrying someone so much younger. If your children are smart and concerned about divorce, then they won't seek out a partnership with a large age gap, particularly without safeguards if they find someone they think is genuine (prenup, long engagement, etc.).

After seeing the divorce process up close and personal, I seriously would thing twice about marrying again if I were single again. A guy or gal with money can get reamed of assets in the process. A prenup can easily prevent those problems. Just make sure the fiance has a good lawyer advising him/her and that the prenup is signed at least 6 months before the wedding.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB1197600 ... side_today
"Of course, when the mercenary marriage proves disappointing, there's always divorce. Among the women in their twenties who said they would marry for money, 71% said they expected to get divorced -- the highest of any demographic. Only 27% of men in their 40s expected to divorce.

Says Mr. Prince: "For these women, it's just another step on their journey to the good life. They want to be paid what they think they're worth and then move on."
These are very misleading statistics and quotes. First, notice that two very different age groups were polled- younger generations probably estimate their risk of divorce higher than older generations, as divorce is much more common today than it was in prior generations. Second, notice that the statistic for women was of those who said they would marry for money vs. the male statistic, which was for the entire male population. I would guess that most women would not marry for money, and thus would probably change that statistic significantly.

Dating really is the best way to find out the character of another individual. There is no shortcut to it. If your children live frugally and do not flaunt their wealth, gold diggers won't stick around long. They like to be wined and dined during the dating period- that is when they are scoping out how great life will be once they are married. Gold diggers don't like going dutch on meals (which is pretty standard now for my generation, at least from the 2nd date on). They also don't like prenups or long engagements. The people that are ok with long engagements, prenups, and going dutch are much more likely to be in it to win it.

I have also found that people who engage in community service voluntarily in their free time are generally the best people you can find. They are generally compassionate, concerned about people and not wealth, and altruistic.

InsideTheCult
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by InsideTheCult » Tue Jan 31, 2012 9:09 pm

Or, just don't get married. Duh.

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Murray Boyd
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by Murray Boyd » Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:58 am

You're trying to figure out how your kids can keep all their money and power when you should be worried about their happiness. Just give away the money and let them be normal.

Hoosier
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by Hoosier » Wed Feb 01, 2012 11:24 pm

It seems to me the main issue is creating the opportunities for good social interaction... Whether work, hobbie, or volunteer related. This may be a problem when you live in a somewhat remote location and your work is best done there. Have you tried reaching out to the folks you work with in the industry or other writers to build up a social network for your children to tap into... If not for a match, then at least for advice or moral support.

More Please
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Re: Advice for kids finding a suitable match

Post by More Please » Thu Feb 02, 2012 2:51 am

Take them to the annual Boglehead Conference and ask John Bogle if he has any grandchildren in their mid 20's, they're probably good kids.

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