Is re-gifting tacky?

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thechoson
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Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by thechoson » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:20 pm

I do not see anything wrong with re-gifting unwanted items, as long as they are still in brand new condition and all that.

But my wife thinks it's tacky and also rude to the original gifter.

Thoughts?

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alec
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Post by alec » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:33 pm

IMHO, it's only rude if you re-gift the gift back to the original gifter.

You're being frugal and efficient, it's just like hand me down clothes.
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dailybagel
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Post by dailybagel » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:44 pm

Economists would say that cash is the most efficient gift, while other, physical gifts incur a "deadweight social loss" that arises because the recipient probably does not value the item as much as the price.

I see re-gifting as a way to avoid realizing that loss yourself. You're potentially contributing to our nation's economic efficiency!

Then again, economists are not the most popular people at parties.

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Post by flowerbuyer » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:51 pm

I see nothing wrong with re-gifting, as long as:
The item is brand new.
You do not re-gift it to the person who gave it to you.
The re-gifted item is appropriate for the recipient and the occasion.

Otherwise, that gift is going to sit in a closet until the closet is cleaned, and then it goes into a garage sale, sold for a fraction of its cost, or is given to charity.

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Post by Jacotus » Wed Apr 13, 2011 8:55 pm

dailybagel wrote:Economists would say that cash is the most efficient gift, while other, physical gifts incur a "deadweight social loss" that arises because the recipient probably does not value the item as much as the price.

I see re-gifting as a way to avoid realizing that loss yourself. You're potentially contributing to our nation's economic efficiency!

Then again, economists are not the most popular people at parties.
That's right. The obsession with gift-giving our culture has is an orgy of value destruction.

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greg24
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Post by greg24 » Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:10 pm

Its kinda tacky, but not rude.

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Post by TRC » Wed Apr 13, 2011 9:42 pm

Just don't get caught by the original gifter.

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Post by daytona084 » Wed Apr 13, 2011 10:22 pm

The question is "why are you considering re-gifting?" My wife and I have received several gifts that we suspect to be obvious re-gifts.... Clothes long since out of style or no longer carried by the retailer, necktie in a strange color/design that does not "go with" anything... In cases like this it's definitely tacky.

JimInIllinois
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Post by JimInIllinois » Wed Apr 13, 2011 11:07 pm

I'd feel happy re-gifting something honestly and without using it to fulfill any obligation to the recipient, as in "hey, my cousin gave me this thing I have no use for but you might so if you want it it's yours, otherwise it goes to the Salvation Army" or "I'll never use this but I wanted to be sure it went to a good home" or even "I don't know what I was thinking when I registered for this...". I would only maybe re-gift for an occasion if the value was beyond what I would normally spend and I was sure they would appreciate it.

I figure the best gift is freeing someone from the obligation to reciprocate.

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Post by MrMiyagi » Wed Apr 13, 2011 11:22 pm

As long as it isn't a Label Baby Junior.

sscritic
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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by sscritic » Wed Apr 13, 2011 11:25 pm

thechoson wrote:I do not see anything wrong with re-gifting unwanted items, as long as they are still in brand new condition and all that.

But my wife thinks it's tacky and also rude to the original gifter.

Thoughts?
I think this is a would-you-rather-be-married-or-right moment. You chose.

[I actually side with your wife, but even if I didn't, I would advise you to agree with her.]

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Post by stratton » Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:52 am

My mother wanted me to get her craft books and they had to be "new." After I bought a "new" used one for $8 or $10 instead of $20 to $30. "New" meant just like it came from the publisher and never read just purchased from used bookstore.

At that point the light came on and she had me try for a used one first.

So you can re-gift if its in "new" condition and preferably goes to someone that doesn't know the original source. No embarassments that way.

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Post by jeff mc » Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:15 am

flowerbuyer wrote:I see nothing wrong with re-gifting, as long as:
The item is brand new.
You do not re-gift it to the person who gave it to you.
The re-gifted item is appropriate for the recipient and the occasion.

Otherwise, that gift is going to sit in a closet until the closet is cleaned, and then it goes into a garage sale, sold for a fraction of its cost, or is given to charity.
those seem like good rules... i would add two:
- the original gifter never finds out it was regifted (give it to someone way outside the circle of friends and family of the initial giver)
- the person getting the gift never knows it was regifted (e.g. the bag tag it came in doesn't say, "dear frank - here's some wine!"

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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:26 am

sscritic wrote:
thechoson wrote:I do not see anything wrong with re-gifting unwanted items, as long as they are still in brand new condition and all that.

But my wife thinks it's tacky and also rude to the original gifter.

Thoughts?
I think this is a would-you-rather-be-married-or-right moment. You chose.

[I actually side with your wife, but even if I didn't, I would advise you to agree with her.]
Not only is it tacky, it shows how classless society has become.
Someone made the effort including time to pick some item out as some sort of sign and here you are saying "you know what let me just toss that to the wind".

One other thing to think about - it's usually quite obvious when something has been re-gifted, especially when there is no gift receipt attached to the item being recycled.

Have fun, let us know how it all works out. It ought to make for some interesting dining room conversation.

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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by Beantown85 » Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:31 am

GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote:Not only is it tacky, it shows how classless society has become.
Someone made the effort including time to pick some item out as some sort of sign and here you are saying "you know what let me just toss that to the wind".
I think you are grossly over-stating the time and thought that goes into the average gift. I don't think the OP was talking about re-gifting a heartfelt gift from their significant other or anything like that.

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Post by SP-diceman » Thu Apr 14, 2011 7:44 am

I think it depends.
People have different relationships to you.
(and different levels of gifts)
I wouldn’t consider something from an “office pool”
the same as a gift to a family member/someone close.

I think its ok if you give the gift to an “equivalent”.

If I was gong to “re-gift” to someone close, I would tell the truth.
(got this at the office, have no use for it, you want it)
Just, giving it to them violates the: “it’s the thought not the gift that counts” rule.



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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by JimInIllinois » Thu Apr 14, 2011 8:22 am

GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote:Someone made the effort including time to pick some item out as some sort of sign and here you are saying "you know what let me just toss that to the wind".
Gifts from adults don't come with obligations attached. Of course you don't reject the gift to the person's face (in Japan you don't even open it in front of them to avoid any chance of showing disappointment), but there's no obligation to use, eat, drink, wear, or display the item on the giver's next visit to show how much you appreciate it.

Nobody has the right to control your hobbies, diet, wardrobe, or decor through gifts and if they do you shouldn't reinforce the idea. You can humor your spouse or children, but beyond that the gift item is a token and once given its primary purpose has been served. Unneeded and unwanted possessions should be tossed to the wind.

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Post by MWCA » Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:24 am

Got a gift for Christmas and already had one. Never opened it. A relative had a wedding and it was an appropriate gift. They got it :D . I dont see the problem with what I did.
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greg24
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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by greg24 » Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:25 am

GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote: Not only is it tacky, it shows how classless society has become.
Someone made the effort including time to pick some item out as some sort of sign and here you are saying "you know what let me just toss that to the wind".

One other thing to think about - it's usually quite obvious when something has been re-gifted, especially when there is no gift receipt attached to the item being recycled.
You think re-gifting shows "how classless society has become", but you want a gift receipt to exchange the gift that someone "made great effort" to pick out.

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Post by Christine_NM » Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:50 am

I think you have to expect that the new giftee will suspect your regift is just that. Once long ago my ex-husband's childhood friend visited us and brought a gift -- did not identify it as a regift, but tried to make out that he bought it for us because he knew we'd use it. But we didn't want it either.

I didn't care one way or the other, my family does cash gifts. But my ex suspected a regift and felt slighted. And I've remembered that all this time, and remember the so-called friend with a bit of contempt.

It's rude and tacky to pretend a regift is your original gift. If you don't want the thing, just donate it somewhere.
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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:03 pm

thechoson wrote:I do not see anything wrong with re-gifting unwanted items, as long as they are still in brand new condition and all that.

But my wife thinks it's tacky and also rude to the original gifter.

Thoughts?
Listen to your wife - she's a smart cookie.

It's very tacky.

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Post by MWCA » Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:10 pm

Isn't giving cash re-gifting? :lol: What about gift cards? It says to me" Hey I was too lazy to get you a real gift"
Last edited by MWCA on Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:10 pm

greg24 wrote:
GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote: Not only is it tacky, it shows how classless society has become.
Someone made the effort including time to pick some item out as some sort of sign and here you are saying "you know what let me just toss that to the wind".

One other thing to think about - it's usually quite obvious when something has been re-gifted, especially when there is no gift receipt attached to the item being recycled.
You think re-gifting shows "how classless society has become", but you want a gift receipt to exchange the gift that someone "made great effort" to pick out.
Interesting thought, however, received a gift for my birthday - would have happily kept it but for the fact that I'm an adult male and a hot pink bikini in a small would not exactly go well over at the local family-oriented beach. :wink: The "great effort into purchase" was duly noted, the attached gift receipt showed additional caring and thought was placed into it. :lol: An exchange into another article of mommy-approved beachwear was in keeping with the "spirit of the gift".
Last edited by Grt2bOutdoors on Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

chaz
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Post by chaz » Thu Apr 14, 2011 12:11 pm

re-gifting is OK.
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Post by JupiterJones » Thu Apr 14, 2011 1:02 pm

A gift should be suitable for the giftee. It should show that the giver put some thought into it. Ideally, it would be proof of a certain level of insight the giver has into the giftee's personality, wants, needs, etc.

When people complain about an "obvious regift", they're really complaining about the fact that the gift fails to meet the above criteria. What's tacky is the lack of thought. The fact that it was not purchased new from a store is really only incidental.

An ugly tie that's totally not your style would be a lousy gift whether it was regifted or bought new.

The perfect book that's right up your alley would make a great gift whether it was regifted or bought new.

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Post by Frobie » Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:14 pm

Can't let this thread pass by without telling a regifting story about my wife.

The wife went to a conference and received an iPod dock/charger/something as a gift for attendees. She brought it home and didn't have a use for it so she gave it to her sister's husband for Christmas.

He opened it on Christmas morning and seemed to be impressed and thankful. Later that day when everyone was done opening gifts he pulled it out of the box to take a closer look only to discover that it had a little metal plaque on it engraved with my wife's name and title. :oops:

Fortunately we all get along really well and still laugh about it to this day.

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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by Alex Frakt » Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:26 pm

GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote:Not only is it tacky, it shows how classless society has become.
Someone made the effort including time to pick some item out as some sort of sign and here you are saying "you know what let me just toss that to the wind".
You don't want the item. Therefore the person giving the gift either a) didn't actually make any real effort or b) doesn't know enough or care enough about you to get you something you want or need.

Also... It's a gift. The giver has no ownership interest in it after it has been given. If the giver feels a need to express anything other than satisfaction about how the gift is ultimately disposed of, then he or she is the one acting without class.

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Post by Oneanddone » Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:44 pm

Regifting is tacky and yet it is something that we do often. I can't imagine that anyone with little kids doesn't do what we do. When little ones start in pre-school, they end up hitting the birthday party circuit. We have a big family, so the amount of parties and gifts becomes overwhelming. Kids can't play with the number of toys that they get. We keep a few and regift the remainder.

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Post by Hector » Thu Apr 14, 2011 4:34 pm

I think its tacky and I wont give something that I dont like to someone that I care for.

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Post by inv321 » Thu Apr 14, 2011 11:39 pm

When my wife and I got married we received several gifts from guests which were very obviously regifts, likely from their own weddings. They weren't any of our good friends but we definitely took notice b/c they were some of the wealthier guests and we just couldn't get over how cheap and tacky they were. Invited them just to have a good time and wouldn't have noticed if they brought no gift at all, but the regifts made them stand out.

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Post by Fallible » Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:26 pm

flowerbuyer wrote:I see nothing wrong with re-gifting, as long as:
The item is brand new.
You do not re-gift it to the person who gave it to you.
The re-gifted item is appropriate for the recipient and the occasion.

Otherwise, that gift is going to sit in a closet until the closet is cleaned, and then it goes into a garage sale, sold for a fraction of its cost, or is given to charity.
These are the only times when I have re-gifted, but I do it sparingly and even then it still feels a bit tacky. Can't quite escape the feeling.

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Post by rayout » Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:38 pm

My mom got a box of chocolates that had been re-wrapped. The big give-away? one of the pieces was missing. Pretty hilarious - can't believe anyone would consider giving that to your manager.

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Post by 1cericks » Fri Apr 15, 2011 10:52 pm

I'm good friends with two couples that got married the same year, a few months apart. The second couple, Bob and Sara thought it was pretty funny when they opened a crockpot that still had a printed gift card inside saying "Congratulations John and Suzie! - from Aunt Amy."

Moral of the story: if you re-gift, make certain you inspect the box and remove any evidence.

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Post by Random Musings » Sat Apr 16, 2011 8:23 am

That's why it makes sense to provide a slip with a gift (especially to people who you have no idea what they really want) so someone can return the product for something they would like.

RM

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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by ResNullius » Sat Apr 16, 2011 9:19 am

thechoson wrote:I do not see anything wrong with re-gifting unwanted items, as long as they are still in brand new condition and all that.

But my wife thinks it's tacky and also rude to the original gifter.

Thoughts?
Regifting is better than throwing the gift away, which is what would happen in most instances.

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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by JupiterJones » Sat Apr 16, 2011 9:53 am

ResNullius wrote: Regifting is better than throwing the gift away, which is what would happen in most instances.
Unless the person you give it to throws it away, which is what seems to happen in most instances.

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Re: Is re-gifting tacky?

Post by jerrywright » Sun Apr 17, 2011 4:57 am

JimInIllinois wrote: Nobody has the right to control your hobbies, diet, wardrobe, or decor through gifts and if they do you shouldn't reinforce the idea.
Very good point!

Everything you own owns you. Any social model or etiquette guideline that does not allow for dumping the junk is impractical and unreasonable, and a stimulant for hoarding. And someone need not trash something that someone else could make use of - which is both unclassy and wasteful (and ironically done by someone trying to be classy).

Folks should check out FreeCycle - you post a message for what you want to shed, and someone who has a genuine use for it will take it off your hands. This avoids the risk that it becomes another misfire. Even better yet is to donate it to a charitable org, in which case the original giver should like hearing that it went to a good cause.
GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote:Not only is it tacky, it shows how classless society has become.
Someone made the effort including time to pick some item out as some sort of sign and here you are saying "you know what let me just toss that to the wind".
I find it the contrary. "Classy" is very close to (if not completely synonymous with) being "selfless". Giving something to someone is actually classy thing to do if you're making a sacrifice to help someone out. E.g. You have a spare car you don't need as badly as someone else, so you part with the car to help someone out who may not be able to afford it. Even if the car was originally a gift to you, regifting is a classy thing to do because you're making a small sacrifice to better someone else who is in a needy situation.

If it's a painting that's worthless (you wouldn't be able to sell it), and you regift it to someone known to like the painting, then you're not making a sacrifice whatsoever and it's actually a mutual benefit to regift it, so I would not call it classy -- but I certainly would not call it classless either.. it's just being practical. The only thing I would find unclassy would be a someone making a negative comment about it (that is, if the regifting isn't obviously tacky). Or if the painting were sold and cash pocketed - that would also be unclassy.
GRT2BOUTDOORS wrote: it's usually quite obvious when something has been re-gifted, especially when there is no gift receipt attached to the item being recycled.
If anything discussed here is tacky, nothing is more tacky than cashing in on a gift, and then pocketing the cash. If someone gives me an iPhone, and I later sell it, pocketing the cash is highly classless -- the cash goes back to the giver.

IMO, the only exception to that would be if the gift was intended to be profitable, like if someone gives you a company, or a house that appreciates. Or if the recipient really needs the cash, and is selling something to cope with financial hardship.. Givers are understanding in those cases. But outside of that, the cash goes back to the giver.
Last edited by jerrywright on Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:43 am, edited 8 times in total.

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Post by jerrywright » Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:05 am

alec wrote:IMHO, it's only rude if you re-gift the gift back to the original gifter.
Unless it's a wedding ring, which should go back to the giver. If it's a wedding ring, it's actually tacky to keep it.

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Post by SGM » Sun Apr 17, 2011 5:33 am

I have received two regifts that I am aware. One of my high school friends did this and it was obvious, but forgiveable. He regifted frequently. When someone has little income, regifting may be his only option. Giving when you are poor can be painful. If money is tight, regift to your hearts content. It is okay.

When a wealthy person regifts it is despicable. Check to see if you left the prior gift giver's card in the box, noodnik. It is important to be frugal, but have some self respect. If you think another person would appreciate the re-gifted item, let them know you did not go out and buy the gift. If you try to hide the fact of regifting you will be found out. No one will say anything to you, but you will be unliked and disrespected. This may mean little to you, as you didn't care enough about the other person to give a real gift. So have at it if you wll. My advise: Give the unwanted gift to Goodwill. It will be recycled and not thrown away.

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