should I quit? or stay in there for a few more years..

[nonamer800]

Hi,

about my situation:
I'm 45 (male) with my 45 wife. Our kids are 16 and 10.
I make 320k as a manager in a Tech company, but with a recent org change, the work has become very difficult. Lot of politics, ton of work, and heavy work demand. I've suddenly shifted from 7hr/day work to 12hr/day work.
My employer is considered good for work life balance but not in my role and unfortunately my company has paused hiring.

My spouse:
She make 130k but very limited benefits. She can get health care.

Our financial situation:
1. 4M saved up across taxable and retirement accounts
2. 150k saved up for both kids in 529 accounts
3. 700k home equity
4. Yearly expenses 160k (which includes 60k/yr mortgage). This does NOT account for taxes or if I have to purchase medical insurance on my own.

My wife can manage her job, and is very supportive person in general.
My 16-yr old is struggling in high school, and will likely need 300k/child for a 4-yr college degree (out of state tuition fees). Given my assets, student loan is not an option.

Now, more about my work:
1. I cant find an alternate role in my company, because they are not hiring.
2. Tech market is tight, and I'm skeptical, I'm going to find a role which pays as much as do, with a decent work life balance.
3. I feel I need a break, from this difficult daily grind. I dream about taking a break, and losing sleep now.
4. My manager is very supportive, but he is frank that the new org demands this kind of work.

What should I do? I would like to get thoughts from folks, who have been in my situation, should I quit? I feel exhausted after working for 20 years, that I've to suck it up and work even harder. I was motivated with the FIRE (financial independence and retire early movement), but I don't think I'm financially independent yet.

[FoolMeOnce]

Now, more about my work:
1. I cant find an alternate role in my company, because they are not hiring.
2. Tech market is tight, and I'm skeptical, I'm going to find a role which pays as much as do, with a decent work life balance.
3. I feel I need a break, from this difficult daily grind. I dream about taking a break, and losing sleep now.
4. My manager is very supportive, but he is frank that the new org demands this kind of work.

Why not 2.b: find a role that pays less than you currently make with a decent work life balance? Why is the only option to keep making $320k or quit altogether? You have plenty of money and could take a job that, combined with your wife's income, covers expenses and provides health care. You certainly don't need to grind for $320k a year and flight through what comes across as an unhealthy amount of stress.

[Fat Tails]

Look for a new job, even if it pays less.

[mchampse]

I’d ask around your network to see what’s available. Reality is that you don’t really know what the work-life balance is until you actually start working there. Plus it can change as you’ve experienced.

I wouldn’t lull myself into if I got a $200k job it would be fewer hours unless you get an hourly consulting gig.

[MathWizard]

Once you no longer have a $60K/yr mortgage payment,
you are down to $100K expenses per year.

If you set aside $500K for college alongside the $150K
you already have in the 529s, you have $3.5 million left
in taxable and retirement accounts to pay for a retirement.

A 3% withdrawal rate would be $105K/year.
This would be augmented by Social Security and
any pensions you might have.

So you could sell the house, move to a low cost of living
area, buy a house with the equity you have in your current house
and you could both retire, though you would certainly not have the flexibility you now have.

If your 16 year old is struggling in high school, then college may
not be an option, or may take longer than 4 years, so this
may affect the calculations.

If you choose to stay in the same area, and keep the mortgage,
It sounds like you could on your wife's salary, so you could look for something else. But tech companies are
looking to reduce their workforces, especially management, so
I'd keep the current job while looking for another one.

[TipsQuestions]

I'd take a year off and sow a few wild oats. You've earned it, you've got the money, and it will put things in perspective.

[Watty]

I make 320k as a manager in a Tech company,

Do all your calculations in after tax dollars. You may gross $320 a year but you likely take home less than $200K.

Lot of politics, ton of work, and heavy work demand. I've suddenly shifted from 7hr/day work to 12hr/day work.

....should I quit? .....

12hr days are not sustainable over the long term. Most jobs have occasional crunch times which is normal but that doe not sound like what is going on. If you are already working 12 hour days then when there is a real problem you could be looking at 16+ hour days which you physically cannot do for more than a few days.

Working that many hours is hard on a marriage so when considering the various costs also consider how expensive a divorce would be both financially and in other ways.

Having a workaholic dad may not be the cause of your 16 year old struggling in high school but it likely does not help.

One option would be to just cut back to 8 hour days. Just tell them that is not sustainable and it is taking a toll on your family life and let the chips fall where they may. Once you tell them that then be brutal with sticking to 8 hours. If some projects fail or are delayed then the upper management who did not allocate more resources is why there was a problem.

If they let you go then you may even get a severance package.

She make 130k but very limited benefits. .....
......
1. 4M saved up across taxable and retirement accounts
.....
3. 700k home equity
4. Yearly expenses 160k (which includes 60k/yr mortgage).

Your $4 million in investments will be generating at least 2% in interest and dividends. If you just set those to not be automatically reinvested those will generate $80K a year.

If you add that $80K to your wife's $130k that is $210K a year(before taxes) that can be spent without drawing down your savings.

You did not say how large your mortgage is but if you paid it off then your expenses would be $100K a year so that you could basically live on your wife's income.

If you have something like a 2.5% mortgage which would not make sense to pay off then you just consider part of your portfolio to be your home fund and pay your mortgage out of that so the mortgage payments would not need to be funded by your income.

There are lots of details but you should be more than fine if you stopped working as long as your wife works for a few more years.

My 16-yr old is struggling in high school, and will likely need 300k/child for a 4-yr college degree (out of state tuition fees).

Have you considered moving to a lower cost of living area?

I needed to do a corporate job relocation during a merger when I had a kid in middle school and changing schools was hard for him so it would be good to be cautious about moving when you have a kid in high school but in some situations moving and changing high schools could give your 16 year old a fresh start and you might be able to pick a new high school where your kid might fit in better, like if your kid is in a large high pressure high school finding a small high school(possibly private) might allow them do better. If your kid has questionable friends where things like drinking and drugs could be an issue then moving might get them away from those friends too.

If college is not right for your 16 year old then as they grow up they might be able to do something else like trade school and be able to afford to live near you when they are in their 20s.

It was a long time ago but when I was right out of college I lived in the Bay Area which has always been expensive and one thing I saw was some of my older coworkers had grown up kids who were well into their 20s who were still living with them and it was not always a good situation. The problem was that the kids did not have high paying jobs so that they could not afford an apartment even with roommates. If you know people who have grown up kids in their 20s be sure to ask them what it is like for their kids to live in your area.

You also said "out of state tuition fees" and not "private universities" which was an odd way to phrase it. If that means that you expect them to go to a state university in some other state because your state universities are not acceptable then if you move to a different state they could go to a state university there and pay instate tuition.

I assume that you are in an expensive area so you might be able to easily buy a nice home for cash in a less expensive area.

If you do not have strong family ties to the area you live now then it would be good to keep an open mind about moving to a different area

[Wannaretireearly]

Tough situation that I empathize with. I’m in similar but not as tough situation. We are in the last 800 meters of a marathon.

Eek out 18-24 months. One kid will be in college. You will be FI by then & time will open up. Actively focus on home vs. work.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!

[dogagility]

Agree with others to find a new job.

[investuntilimrich]

First thing I would do is cut your expenses in half.

[Jack FFR1846]

You have to change your mind set (how's that for a phrase?). I learned this early in my career where many of the Go Go engineers and managers putting in 16 hours a day were let go because the company decided that the products they worked on were no longer a focus. I've said to those above me "Here's a box of my 8 hour day. If there's some new task that I MUST do, then something has to be taken out of the box. So what task would you like for me to no longer do?". I worked 8 hour days and even when some stupid manager with limited work experience decided that all professional engineers work at least one extra hour for free, I reminded them that during my interview with the founder and CEO, I made it clear that my hours were 8 a day. I have never been fired or reprimanded for this. Perhaps it helps that I tended to be very efficient with my working, finding that the work I was doing, having replaced 2 others was done by noon every day.

12 hours a day is NOT work/life balance. And you don't have to quit. Simply drop to 8 hours and prioritize what's important.

[rustwood]

12 hours a day is NOT work/life balance. And you don't have to quit. Simply drop to 8 hours and prioritize what's important.

I tend to agree, although it may be easier said than done. Certainly it is at least worth trying as a last ditch effort before just quitting though. It can be very freeing when you are fully prepared to bail if necessary (or be let go).

After I stepped away from a job I had for many years, I was surprised by how many of the things I had deemed essential were completely dropped by my replacement. I now realize that over time it can be relatively easy to weigh yourself down with responsibilities and/or work habits that are basically only of your own making. That can happen just by continuing to do everything you've always done - even though some of those things may no longer be necessary and new things keep being added.

[jerrysmith]

Start looking for another gig.
You can also trim your lifestyle a bit for a year to build some cash.
Don't work the 12, do what you can in 8 or 9, if it's big tech there's probably a relatively drawn-out performance plan that would include severance. You may find another job before it kicks in.
Or do what I heard some FAANG folks do: Slow down until PIP is implemented, work enough to get off of it, the rinse and repeat.
If you do that for 2 years you have a kid out of the house and in college.
Good luck.

[deltaneutral83]

Look for new job, I assume management is anticipating people leave going from 7 hours and a cushy balance to 12 hours and no balance, again, I assume this is the new managements goal? $300k for undergraduate that doesn't have a specific Ivy/elite path with no known ROI is also something I'd revisit, particularly if i'm "losing sleep" over money.

All in all, I'd consider your primary focus to look for a new job even at a step discount to today's comp, and today's comp is at the expense of your mental health it sounds like. You're on coast FI you just need to cover your expenses a year or two more to feel comfortable but you're fine already with your wife making $130k. This is 80% non financial/math issue.

[Watty]

After I stepped away from a job I had for many years, I was surprised by how many of the things I had deemed essential were completely dropped by my replacement. I now realize that over time it can be relatively easy to weigh yourself down with responsibilities and/or work habits that are basically only of your own making. That can happen just by continuing to do everything you've always done - even though some of those things may no longer be necessary and new things keep being added.

I worked in corporate IT before I retired and various times I would do things like special extracts or reports at month end which could take a non-trivial amount of time. People would ask for these then expect them every month. Some of them were set up to run automatically each month but still needed to be monitored.

It was a pretty standard practice to sometimes "forget" to do these or get busy and delay doing them. When nobody asked for them it was pretty easy to question if they really still needed them or not and stop doing many of them. Occasionally I would find that the person who had requested them no longer worked for the company and their replacement had no clue what they were for.

[BV3273]

When’s the last time you took a vacation?

Every time I felt similar to you I looked for a new job without using my vacation. Looking back I should have just taken a week or two off and decompressed. THEN reassessed the situation. If your manager is truly supportive they should have no problem with a well needed vacation. You don’t even have to go anywhere.

And NO the holiday(s) you had off recently do not qualify. The older I get the more stressful I realize the holidays actually are.

[mhc]

Stop working 12 hr days. Put in 8 hrs. What are they going to do? If they lay you off, that is better than quitting. Everyone needs to learn how to manage up. I understand an occasional long day, but not every day. They are taking advantage of you. If management decides not to hire more people, then that is on them not you. Don't make their problems your problems.

[BV3273]

Stop working 12 hr days. Put in 8 hrs. What are they going to do? If they lay you off, that is better than quitting. Everyone needs to learn how to manage up. I understand an occasional long day, but not every day. They are taking advantage of you. If management decides not to hire more people, then that is on them not you. Don't make their problems your problems.

Manage the manager.

[Coffeeinthemorning]

You need to change that job for sure, stress is a killer and that place does not sound like its improving. The issue is where to go from there. I would not quit without a plan. How is the market in general, could you find a lower level job that is less hours? Is contract work an option? No benefits but not an if your wife has that covered. I would be hesitant to just quit to take a break, its harder to find a job when you are unemployed, especially if you are looking to pull back to a lower level.

I had a similar situation and moved to a lower level job at a good company, its less money but less stress and I do have benefits - I'm very happy with the move. I have also done contract work and enjoyed being a hired hand vs employee, also less stressful. Good Luck!

[quantAndHold]

I would take a year or three off. Deal with your burnout and your kid, and give the tech industry some time to get its feet under it again. And then reevaluate. I suspect your resume is good enough that you would be able to find work again easily enough after you deal with your “family issues.”

I think you’re probably okay never working again, although I would keep an eye on spending. So that’s an option, but not a decision you need to make yet.

[London]

After I stepped away from a job I had for many years, I was surprised by how many of the things I had deemed essential were completely dropped by my replacement. I now realize that over time it can be relatively easy to weigh yourself down with responsibilities and/or work habits that are basically only of your own making. That can happen just by continuing to do everything you've always done - even though some of those things may no longer be necessary and new things keep being added.

I worked in corporate IT before I retired and various times I would do things like special extracts or reports at month end which could take a non-trivial amount of time. People would ask for these then expect them every month. Some of them were set up to run automatically each month but still needed to be monitored.

It was a pretty standard practice to sometimes "forget" to do these or get busy and delay doing them. When nobody asked for them it was pretty easy to question if they really still needed them or not and stop doing many of them. Occasionally I would find that the person who had requested them no longer worked for the company and their replacement had no clue what they were for.

I’m a big believer in password protecting regular management reports and changing the passwords periodically without telling anyone. If no one asks, it means they aren’t being viewed and I discontinue sending them.

[TheMusicNeverStopped]

“My 16-yr old is struggling in high school, and will likely need 300k/child for a 4-yr college degree (out of state tuition fees). ”

Is 300k out of state tuition a need or a want.
I don’t see why a struggling 16 year old should even go to college. What are you expecting college to do ?

To answer the topic question:
Stay a few more years and see what opens up.

[YeahBuddy]

That does not sound like a healthy work life balance. Your health and family are more important than money. You are in an excellent financial situation. I would start looking for a new job. I would talk to my supervisor about the hours. If nothing changes you may qualify for some sort of leave. Then move on. Also, it sounds like what your child needs is more help right now, then discover their talents/desires. $300k/year college tuition is an extravagant want, not a need. Best of luck.

[Taylor Larimore]

nonamer800:

If I had "4M" and didn't like my job I would "quit."

Best wishes.
Taylor

Jack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.”

[Houdini563]

You are making allot of $ and at 45 I would be very leery about walking away. We are overdue for a major market correction/recession. I would personally not want to be out of work with low prospects for employment during an economic downturn. Stick with it at least until you see where the economy is heading over the next six months. Then decide upon your move.

[svho]

You are making allot of $ and at 45 I would be very leery about walking away. We are overdue for a major market correction/recession. I would personally not want to be out of work with low prospects for employment during an economic downturn. Stick with it at least until you see where the economy is heading over the next six months. Then decide upon your move.

Another six months his health could change. Life is too short man. I work in the IT field and only work 1/3 of the hours the OP works. Too much politics and I also fed up with it.

[samulta52]

Find a new role in your company. I did the same as I was getting burned up in my previous role. Yes it was a leap of faith as I didn't know what the environment would be in the new role. But you already know what you got and you don't like it. So why stick around. Even the best companies don't give a shxxx about your work life balance, it is all on paper.

[MrJones]

If nothing changes you may qualify for some sort of leave. Then move on.

OP, if you absolutely must quit, this is a good idea. A doctor or psychologist might qualify you for a health break to go on disability, and you might be able to take a break with no or a low reduction in compensation depending on your benefits. Taking a break might give you mental clarity as well.

[Minderbinder]

I love this board.

Hes got a net worth of $5 million and a spouse making $130k that is still intending to work and there are still people saying to tough it out for a bit.

If you can't quit your job under that scenario, no one can.

At a certain point you need to accept that you are working because you either enjoy the work or are prioritizing continuing to see a number get bigger in a spreadsheet for some reason. Fear of not working, ego from watching the net worth increase, whatever. There's no shame in that, I'm doing it myself at the moment. I once also nearly had an existential breakdown from job burnout as well so I get that the pressure feels very intense and real.

But you will be fine. You can do whatever you want and you are going to be ok. Congratulations on putting yourself in this situation.. Now enjoy the freedom to have options in your life.

[Meg77]

What should I do? I would like to get thoughts from folks, who have been in my situation, should I quit?

I quit last summer with a very similar age, expenses and net worth and also after lots of discussion with a supportive boss. I haven't regretted it for a second. I don't have kids or kids college to worry about - nor do I have a spouse with a job though either. You should be totally fine. And if you aren't, you can find work even if it pays less.

I quite quitted for like a year before realizing I wasn't going to get fired and went ahead and quit. I quit attending any non-essential trainings, meetings, and committees. I quit prospecting but my sales numbers stayed up. It was actually amazing how little work I could do and have it go basically unnoticed (eventually it would have caught up to me but...in big corporate America I think it might have taken another year or so).

Before quitting, I talked to my boss openly about not being in this for the long haul. I tried to get myself added to a layoff list, but she said she couldn't backfill my role if they laid me off. I wanted to just get fired to get severance, but to help her out I negotiated a 90 day notice instead - and she pushed my last day out even further to buy me a few more months of pay. Having a supportive boss during the process was really helpful.

If your wife is willing to keep working then her pay alone will nearly cover your expenses. The question is how long she is willing to do that and how much more your portfolio will grow between now and then.

I don't know how much is in taxable vs retirement, but you need enough there to cover kids' college plus ideally bridge the gap until one of you turns 59.5 (yes there are other ways to get at the money in retirement, but ideally you don't have to mess with that).

You should pay for kids' schools, however they certainly do not necessarily need to go out of state and each spend $300K...

The Empower (formerly personal capital) dashboard has a great free retirement planner where you can map out all your projected income and outflows - timing of college is the big one for you, as well as mortgage payoff date - and see the yearly cash flow maps and % of success in retirement. You can play with how many years your wife works, what your annual expenses will be, and so on. There are other good calcs out there too, but I like that one a it's pretty easy to use and intuitive.

TLDR - take a year off. Then re-evaluate. Sounds like you really need it, plus you have a struggling teen with only (hopefully) a couple or three more years at home. No work/retirement decision has to be permanent, but I bet you'll find a way to never have to go back once you get used to life on the other side.

[Meg77]

I love this board.

Hes got a net worth of $5 million and a spouse making $130k that is still intending to work and there are still people saying to tough it out for a bit.

If you can't quit your job under that scenario, no one can.

At a certain point you need to accept that you are working because you either enjoy the work or are prioritizing continuing to see a number get bigger in a spreadsheet for some reason. Fear of not working, ego from watching the net worth increase, whatever. There's no shame in that, I'm doing it myself at the moment. I once also nearly had an existential breakdown from job burnout as well so I get that the pressure feels very intense and real.

But you will be fine. You can do whatever you want and you are going to be ok. Congratulations on putting yourself in this situation.. Now enjoy the freedom to have options in your life.

+1

[BogleRocksDB]

TLDR: You have to decide based on your values and risk tolerance, but I would leave.

First, step back and congratulate yourself in getting yourself in a good financial place.

Second, decide based on what is most important to you. If I were you, I would probably leave OR personally reduce your time until they let you go to a reasonable amount of work. As Taylor said, you have 4 m and are unhappy there. You can go.

And, I will add, I am not totally rando or objective as to your position - I actually tried to leave my job, got a sabattical offered, and now I am not sure what comes next. I won't be going back to my former employer. I am happy. My assets are within the range of yours, my expenses are perhaps a bit less but not really material given your assets, have 13 and 11 year old, and I will have 250k saved for each for state school (I had 0 saved for me, so I don't really feel bad about this. If they crush admissions, I may cough up more cash).

Understanding that a 16 year old may not want to spend too much time with you, you won't get this time back.

You seem to know the risks: you may have trouble finding a job for a while or have to take a lower paying job. I left a high paying job with a leadership role, and I fully expect it could take 6 mos to 2 years to get a comprable gig. I am not sure I want a comprable gig.

Feel free to PM me if I can help.

Good luck.

[quantAndHold]

“My 16-yr old is struggling in high school, and will likely need 300k/child for a 4-yr college degree (out of state tuition fees). ”
...

My struggling 16 year old did indeed go to college (an expensive private school, but she got a merit scholarship), was successful there, and is working in a career related to her college education. Her mom took five years off to help deal with the situation, which involved putting the kid therapy and an alternative school, getting family counseling, and working with her at home.

The reason to take time off is to get them through a difficult time. I suppose giving up on them is an option, but it's not the one we chose.

[gamboolman]

I would tell you that you do not have enough to retire early.

I was in very similar work/stress situation for many years. Living oversea's in a 7 days per week high stress job. I came home to the USA once per year for about 5 weeks once per year for about the last 15 year or so. It was hard.

It was very hard - and for the last 5 to 7 years before I did retire - I took up the Whiskey and Smoking unfiltered Camels to deal with the stress

As others have recommended - get another job.
Or tell your Boss - you need a change.
You might could take a demotion and pay cut - but at your age....not sure about that.
Or hang tuff - try not to start drinking the Whiskey or the Smoke.

Interestingly, once I retired, at age 61.5, within 3 or 4 months I lost all desire for the Whiskey and Smoke and I just quit without thinking about it. Very obvious to me now looking back that it was just a way, albeit poor way, to deal with stress.
And I enjoyed the drink and smoke - but not after I got away from the stress.

All the best OP - hang tuff hombre !

ETA the obligatory cartoon
I give up - was trying to post the picture of the man walking by the graveyard with the Time >$ vs Time>$ cartoon....but Operator error

[Parkinglotracer]

nonamer800:

If I had "4M" and didn't like my job I would "quit."

Best wishes.
Taylor

Jack Bogle's Words of Wisdom: "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts.”

Wisdom. Or I’d go to a basic 8 hour work mode and swear I am doing the best I can and laugh to myself as I pocket 25K a month until they fire me. There IS NOTHING worth sacrificing my health and family for.

[Beensabu]

I've suddenly shifted from 7hr/day work to 12hr/day work.

You are now making $103/hr.

You used to make $176/hr.

Tech market is tight, and I'm skeptical, I'm going to find a role which pays as much as do, with a decent work life balance.

You've already taken a pay cut.

That's a lot of money to quit on, though. Just stop trying to keep up and let it fall apart. It's okay.

[LifeAquaticTenenbaum]

If my house was almost paid off, I would probably just ride it another year or two until it was (and mail it in the latter half), and then I would be done for good.

$4 mil, house paid off, and wife still working with bennies is an extremely good setup.

If the house has a ways to go, I'd look for another lower stress job and try to pay off the house, and then i'd be done.

[nonamer800]

Additional info: my house is not paid off. I still owe almost a 1M on this HCOL house.

[MA405]

Whatever you do, make sure your wife understands and supports your choice. Many posters above just assume she is going to be OK with being the sole provider for the family. Your spouse needs to be involved. You sound stressed and any family issues/misunderstandings could add 10x fold to that.

[Hot Sauce]

At this point you are trading scarce time for $ that you will never spend. And you only have a few precious years left with your son before he heads out into the world. To me, this is a no-brainer.

[YeahBuddy]

I love this board.

Hes got a net worth of $5 million and a spouse making $130k that is still intending to work and there are still people saying to tough it out for a bit.

If you can't quit your job under that scenario, no one can.

^ This.

Sometimes I feel like this board is like the NBA of financial investing where the general consensus is no one is in a good financial position unless you're the top 1% of elite humans and then, maybe then, you may decide to do what you want. But it still comes with criticism.

Most people quit their jobs with a NW of a fraction of OPs. Do what's right for your health and family.

[svho]

I love this board.

Hes got a net worth of $5 million and a spouse making $130k that is still intending to work and there are still people saying to tough it out for a bit.

If you can't quit your job under that scenario, no one can.

^ This.

Sometimes I feel like this board is like the NBA of financial investing where the general consensus is no one is in a good financial position unless you're the top 1% of elite humans and then, maybe then, you may decide to do what you want. But it still comes with criticism.

Most people quit their jobs with a NW of a fraction of OPs. Do what's right for your health and family.

I agree with you! I am new to this forum and reading some posts/recommendations, its to a point where its silly. Let me make this up. "I am in my 60s with 10 million bucks and walking with one leg." Someone probably would say, work til you get 20 millions and has no more leg to walk on. LOL!

[Wannaretireearly]

I love this board.

Hes got a net worth of $5 million and a spouse making $130k that is still intending to work and there are still people saying to tough it out for a bit.

If you can't quit your job under that scenario, no one can.

At a certain point you need to accept that you are working because you either enjoy the work or are prioritizing continuing to see a number get bigger in a spreadsheet for some reason. Fear of not working, ego from watching the net worth increase, whatever. There's no shame in that, I'm doing it myself at the moment. I once also nearly had an existential breakdown from job burnout as well so I get that the pressure feels very intense and real.

But you will be fine. You can do whatever you want and you are going to be ok. Congratulations on putting yourself in this situation.. Now enjoy the freedom to have options in your life.

Good post. Like someone else said, this is about getting your spouse onboard too. I’m in a similar spot to OP. Less hours but just tired of the politics. Threads like this do help others like me.
Misery loves company! My take is there are 5-10 of us just on this thread between 45-50, close to FI, and struggling with work politics (generally in tech). Close to FI cos we’re 25X and not 30X
I find talking to my spouse really helps. This cannot be MY plan.

[svho]

I love this board.

Hes got a net worth of $5 million and a spouse making $130k that is still intending to work and there are still people saying to tough it out for a bit.

If you can't quit your job under that scenario, no one can.

At a certain point you need to accept that you are working because you either enjoy the work or are prioritizing continuing to see a number get bigger in a spreadsheet for some reason. Fear of not working, ego from watching the net worth increase, whatever. There's no shame in that, I'm doing it myself at the moment. I once also nearly had an existential breakdown from job burnout as well so I get that the pressure feels very intense and real.

But you will be fine. You can do whatever you want and you are going to be ok. Congratulations on putting yourself in this situation.. Now enjoy the freedom to have options in your life.

Good post. Like someone else said, this is about getting your spouse onboard too. I’m in a similar spot to OP. Less hours but just tired of the politics. Threads like this do help others like me.
Misery loves company! My take is there are 5-10 of us just on this thread between 45-50, close to FI, and struggling with work politics (generally in tech). Close to FI cos we’re 25X and not 30X
I find talking to my spouse really helps. This cannot be MY plan.

In Tech field too and 50 I started cigar and more drinking . I talk to the wall since I don't have a wife anymore

[Wannaretireearly]

Good post. Like someone else said, this is about getting your spouse onboard too. I’m in a similar spot to OP. Less hours but just tired of the politics. Threads like this do help others like me.
Misery loves company! My take is there are 5-10 of us just on this thread between 45-50, close to FI, and struggling with work politics (generally in tech). Close to FI cos we’re 25X and not 30X
I find talking to my spouse really helps. This cannot be MY plan.

In Tech field too and 50 I started cigar and more drinking . I talk to the wall since I don't have a wife anymore

I’m with you on the drinking lol. Actually looking forward to healthier ways/lifestyle. Being on vacation is wonderful (health and lifestyle) as are weekends!

In my books, if you’re 50, this is the age to do what you want for the next decade (per my signature) . Obvi ymmv.

[Stick5vw]

I’d try to downshift a bit at work and hustle for a year or two more as well.

I haven’t crunched all your numbers but I personally wouldnt be comfortable taking an indefinite break if you still have $1mn left to pay on your house. You’re in great shape but that’s a decent chunk of change.

Don’t mean to pry too much, but when you say your 16yo is “struggling” - are they flunking classes, skipping school, hanging out with the wrong crowd etc? At that age, teenagers (and I realize all are different) may not want to spend tons of time with you no matter how much you want them to. Yes you might be able to keep a closer eye on things but curious what you expect to happen if you are at home.

[HooCares]

Go on FMLA, take 2 or 3 months off, and I predict when you return you'll be able to jettison a few hours of work a day.

[ZMonet]

I'd start looking for another job. I've found that just the process of looking makes me feel less trapped. I know that won't stop the 12-hour days, but you might better understand whether you should leave or not. Who knows, maybe you'll come to appreciate some things about your current job. Or maybe you'll decide you were stupid for putting up with your current job for as long as you did. Most of all, with your excellent nest egg (congrats and great job accumulating!), you have plenty of options, including, as others have said, to take some time away from work.

On your son, I don't know what you mean by "struggling," but as someone who struggled as a 15/16-year-old and then turned it around to become happy and "successful," I hope you don't give up on your son (not that it sounds like you would in the least). That age is tough, so I vehemently disagree with those who say you shouldn't spend the money, especially with your resources, to help him go to school. I'd recommend determining whether he would benefit from additional support (e.g., therapy) to help him struggle less and potentially excel. I also appreciate that you would share that your son is struggling. All the posts I read seem to have OPs whose children are in the top 5% of their class. I know Bogleheads has a lot of overachievers, but some on here must have kids who are middle of the pack!

[Freefun]

You can always work more hours or make more (or less) money.
You won't get more time with your son / family.
When faced with different options I try to think in terms of regret minimization.