Kids resenting parents or their sibs has been happening since the beginning of time and fear of that happening certainly won't be the driving force behind my parenting decisions. I would argue that if your kid(s) don't resent you for something, the parenting went astray somewhere.8foot7 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 7:29 amYour example involved a disability, which I mentioned already would change the calculus.chipperd wrote: ↑Sat Jul 31, 2021 4:19 amEqual means everyone gets the same.8foot7 wrote: ↑Fri Jul 30, 2021 2:23 pm Equitably means someone is getting screwed. How they feel about that is what dictates the overall outcome.
I do very much agree with the sentiment that kids should be treated equally unless there is some severe disadvantage (such as a significant disability) from which one of them suffers. If I spend $125,000 on my oldest kid's education, I think my youngest kid has a right to expect I'll spend $125,000 on their education as well. If I give my second child $100,000 for a house downpayment, I think kid 3 would feel kind of screwed if I ran out of money and couldn't afford to do the same for them.
Fair means everyone gets what they need.
We practice fair. The example we gave our kids when they were young:
Every school has a wheelchair ramp, only kids who need a wheelchair have a wheelchair. Not everyone gets a wheelchair because the ramp exists.
We have three kids all in undergrad, we pay 90% of each of their respective educational expenses. So the percentage is the same but the raw amount isn’t. All three of these expenses differ, one quite a bit cheaper from the other two. Each has made the other aware of the costs. Not a peep from anyone about one getting more $ than the other.
Of course as young adults they view issues of resource discrepancy differently than when they were 6-8 .
In my family, in this house, we believe absent significant mitigating factors, the most fair division of anything is equal.
I don’t know your kids or what they need. I know if I were your kid, all else being equal chipping in 10% of my quite a bit cheaper education, at some point I’m going to feel screwed. Maybe I haven’t yet. Maybe I’d never say a word and secretly resent. Perhaps yours won’t. Variety is the spice of life.
Not sure how having a disability means one shouldn't be part of the fairness doctrine, but I'm letting this one go.
You can have the last word on this. I'll hang up and listen.
Cheers.