Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

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Cindy07
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Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Cindy07 »

Hi Boogleheads

(Mods, if this is in wrong forum, please accept my apologies)

Is there a way to send a large amount of money (< $12,000) to someone here in the US without revealing my home address?
There are serious concerns about personal safety.
And for the peace of mind of my parents and siblings, I want to just handle the situation as soon as possible.


It is a relative and unfortunately, they are refusing to provide me with their updated bank account details (there is paranoia that the government is spying on them) so I can't initiate a bank transfer.


So what are my options for sending the money without them being able to source my home address or reveal my bank account details ?
tashnewbie
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by tashnewbie »

Paypal?
Venmo?
Cashapp?

I've used the first 2, and I don't think a recipient gets those personal details of the sender. Don't know if you can send that much through those apps. It's been a while since I've used them, but I do think each person has to include a bank account to send/receive funds. If so, wouldn't work for you.

Open a PO Box and send a money order or certified check???
Last edited by tashnewbie on Mon May 03, 2021 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
barnaclebob
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by barnaclebob »

Could you send them a postal money order via certified mail?

Not sure if you have to actually fill out the address part of a postal money order.
Last edited by barnaclebob on Mon May 03, 2021 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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David Jay
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by David Jay »

I believe that you can have your bank/credit union create a cashier's check (that is a check from the bank to your relative, not from you). Then put it in an envelope with no return address.

You do have a small risk that the postal service loses the envelope, but this is a relatively small risk and if the cashier's check is never cashed you can eventually get your money back from the issuing bank/CU.
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David Jay
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by David Jay »

tashnewbie wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:18 pm Open a PO Box and send a money order or certified check???
I like this idea - it let's you have a return address and you can send it certified mail to confirm delivery.
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future - Niels Bohr | To get the "risk premium", you really do have to take the risk - nisiprius
Marseille07
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Marseille07 »

David Jay wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:22 pm
tashnewbie wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:18 pm Open a PO Box and send a money order or certified check???
I like this idea - it let's you have a return address and you can send it certified mail.
Yeah, this sounds like a good idea. The only downside is the sender has to do some legwork to get a PO Box opened.
ensign_lee
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by ensign_lee »

...bitcoin? Send to their address, and then they can turn that to cash via localbitcoins.com
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RickBoglehead
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by RickBoglehead »

Since a USPS Money Order can't be larger than $1,000, that's not a great option given the amount needed...

So you want to handle it as soon as possible to make others happy, but you put yourself at risk by doing so, and the relative won't give you their bank account information? How is the relative going to CASH the funds?

Any of the electronic methods is going to reveal a phone number or address or similar.

I'd go the Bank Cashier's Check route, mailed with no return address. Keep in mind that the postmark will likely show your town, or a nearby town, if that matters. What do you care if the relative never cashes it?

However, let's talk reality. If the relative knows your first and last name, they can use various tools on the internet to find you quite easily.
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qwertyjazz
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by qwertyjazz »

Hire a bonded PI or a lawyer in area family member lives. Have them deliver the money
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dziuniek
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by dziuniek »

Western Union? (though there's a charge)
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anon_investor
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by anon_investor »

Get the bank cashiers check. I might use FedEx (more reliable than the post office) and drive to a location in another town (or another state?) to send from.
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ResearchMed
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by ResearchMed »

RickBoglehead wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:28 pm However, let's talk reality. If the relative knows your first and last name, they can use various tools on the internet to find you quite easily.

This ^^
Not about the money itself, but...

Have you tried to locate yourself online?
"www.anywho.com" is particularly easy if someone hasn't tried to obscure address.
And I'm sure there are others.

Point is, maybe it's not quite as much a concern as you might fear?
(Sorry if this now makes you more uneasy :annoyed But if that info is out there, that's the reality.)

RM
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JonnyDVM
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by JonnyDVM »

ensign_lee wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:25 pm ...bitcoin? Send to their address, and then they can turn that to cash via localbitcoins.com
What’s funny is that yes, this is actually a practical use for Bitcoin.
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Luckywon
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Luckywon »

I don't think the recipient of paypal or venmo funds sees sender's bank account information. Paypal seems to be the best option, as they state

"You can send up to $60,000, but may be limited to $10,000, in a single transaction."

For Venmo, there seems to be a 5k limit per week.
mptfan
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by mptfan »

Brown paper bag of cash.
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Watty
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Watty »

I have not not used them and don't know the details of how it works but Walmart actually does a LOT of money transfers and pseudo banking for people that do not have checking accounts. They should have several ways that you could transfer the money to your relative.

https://www.walmart.com/cp/walmart-money-center/5433

A surprisingly large number of people do not have bank accounts and are sometimes called "the unbanked" and need to use services like these.

If you are concerned the relative would quickly spend the money you could probably set up a debit card for them where you could do something like put a thousand dollars a month on it so they could not spend it all at once.
MrsBDG
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by MrsBDG »

Can you pay whatever needs paying directly? Landlord? etc?
dukeblue219
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by dukeblue219 »

JonnyDVM wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:49 pm
ensign_lee wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:25 pm ...bitcoin? Send to their address, and then they can turn that to cash via localbitcoins.com
What’s funny is that yes, this is actually a practical use for Bitcoin.
Particularly in the case of someone who is paranoid about the government. You could also use a stablecoin rather than actual BTC.
barnaclebob
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by barnaclebob »

ResearchMed wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:45 pm
RickBoglehead wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:28 pm However, let's talk reality. If the relative knows your first and last name, they can use various tools on the internet to find you quite easily.

This ^^
Not about the money itself, but...

Have you tried to locate yourself online?
"www.anywho.com" is particularly easy if someone hasn't tried to obscure address.
And I'm sure there are others.

Point is, maybe it's not quite as much a concern as you might fear?
(Sorry if this now makes you more uneasy :annoyed But if that info is out there, that's the reality.)

RM
Some unstable people might not try to find someones address but if its given to them they might take action.
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anon_investor
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by anon_investor »

mptfan wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 1:00 pm Brown paper bag of cash.
I prefer the white envelope... :twisted:
Katietsu
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Katietsu »

I do not believe that my bank information and home address is ever revealed to anyone that I send money to. I know that if I issue a check using bill pay, the check uses a transaction number not my information. My name is on the check but not my address. The bank’s return address is on the envelope from some central processing location which is actually in a different state. I know this because I sent a $1 check to myself to verify. I hear some banks use your actual account information so this would need to be investigated. And a small local credit union might be TMI.

I have used a bank cashier check. Again, no address or bank account information. I do not think I necessarily even know the person’s real name when I send or receive money using PayPal or Venmo, let alone their bank account or address. Is this not true?

Anyway, in the case of the OP, think the more difficult question is what form of payment is the recipient capable and willing to utilize. If you send a check, are they able to cash or deposit it? Will it be timely enough if the bank puts a hold of X days on it? Do you literally need a intermediary to deliver an envelope of cash? Can the payment be sent/delivered to a third party if a debt is the need for the cash. Are they concerned about any form of electronic payment that could be subpoenaed?
calwatch
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by calwatch »

Moneygram or Western Union. Although, I think the ideal solution is just to pay whatever bill they need directly... most billers are happy to take third party payments just as long as they get the funds.
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ResearchMed
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by ResearchMed »

barnaclebob wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 1:17 pm
ResearchMed wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:45 pm
RickBoglehead wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:28 pm However, let's talk reality. If the relative knows your first and last name, they can use various tools on the internet to find you quite easily.

This ^^
Not about the money itself, but...

Have you tried to locate yourself online?
"www.anywho.com" is particularly easy if someone hasn't tried to obscure address.
And I'm sure there are others.

Point is, maybe it's not quite as much a concern as you might fear?
(Sorry if this now makes you more uneasy :annoyed But if that info is out there, that's the reality.)

RM
Some unstable people might not try to find someones address but if its given to them they might take action.
Right, depending upon the nature of the problem. Someone can be unstable but intellingent, etc.

And if money is involved... that can be a motivator (or even mentioning to someone else "the money my relative sent me...").

It's just worth thinking about, and I don't know how easy - or not - it is to keep that info off of sites like anywho.com or such.

RM
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ballons
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by ballons »

  • Online bill pay - my CU mails checks with just names. Some CU/banks have P2P payments (name, email or phone). *** Do a test to confirm your address isn't on the checks i.e. billpay yourself $10 ***
  • Drive to the next town over and open a PO BOX. Mail a cashiers check for there. This person may try to contact you in the future using that PO BOX.
  • Contact a local attorney, explain the situation, and mail them a cashiers check. Expect to pay $500.
I would say do the online bill pay. If you truly fear for your safety, go the lawyer route.
PVW
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by PVW »

As you mention your parents and siblings, I assume you are not trying to hide information from them and that they are involved with this unstable relative. If that is the case, then send the money to your parents and let them deliver the money.
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JonnyDVM
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by JonnyDVM »

dukeblue219 wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 1:15 pm
JonnyDVM wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:49 pm
ensign_lee wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:25 pm ...bitcoin? Send to their address, and then they can turn that to cash via localbitcoins.com
What’s funny is that yes, this is actually a practical use for Bitcoin.
Particularly in the case of someone who is paranoid about the government. You could also use a stablecoin rather than actual BTC.
Guys we found it! A practical AND legal use for bitcoin! This is it! :sharebeer

Now when someone asks, “what can my Bitcoin do that my regular USD can’t do?” We have an answer. Sending untraceable money to a mentally troubled relative.
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leeks
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by leeks »

You can use paypal to send money from your bank account to pick up as cash at a Walmart via Xoom.

https://www.xoom.com/united-states/send-money/

It looks like there is a $10K limit. So maybe send $2K first and confirm the process works as expected. Then send the additional $10K.

For $10K it says the fee is $10 from a bank account ($199 in fees if you used a debit/credit card so don't do that). You will have to provide some identity documents to Xoom to be able to send large amounts.

Although, I personally would be terrified to walk out of a Walmart carrying $10K in cash.

It sounds like a difficult situation. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Best wishes.
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by TexasPE »

dziuniek wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:32 pm Western Union? (though there's a charge)
+1

Up to $5000 per transaction

https://www.westernunion.com/blog/send- ... n-union-2/
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stats99
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by stats99 »

Put their address as the return address
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JoeRetire
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by JoeRetire »

Cindy07 wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:15 pm Hi Boogleheads
Interesting variant.
Is there a way to send a large amount of money (< $12,000) to someone here in the US without revealing my home address?
Send a check.

If for some reason you don't want to use your personal checking account, send a bank check.

I suppose you could also give the money to one of your relatives and have them give the unstable relative the money, although I don't see why that would be better.

You could also visit them in person and give them cash.
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Shallowpockets »

Sending money to an unstable relative and concern for personal safety.
I hope OP is all right and not involved in some sort of coercive scheme or demand.
Perhaps advice should be sought by OP in that regard.
Who knows what subterfuge and threat, overt or implied, can come out of family dynamics.
Could this be something I read in the news due to not sending this money? Is help warranted here?
tashnewbie
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by tashnewbie »

Shallowpockets wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:05 pm Sending money to an unstable relative and concern for personal safety.
I hope OP is all right and not involved in some sort of coercive scheme or demand.
Perhaps advice should be sought by OP in that regard.
Who knows what subterfuge and threat, overt or implied, can come out of family dynamics.
Could this be something I read in the news due to not sending this money? Is help warranted here?
I think a lot could be said for whether OP *should send this money, but I didn't touch on that in my response because I think it'd run into possibly being against forum rules.

OP should proceed with CAUTION.
jumppilot
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by jumppilot »

Cindy07 wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 12:15 pm Hi Boogleheads

(Mods, if this is in wrong forum, please accept my apologies)

Is there a way to send a large amount of money (< $12,000) to someone here in the US without revealing my home address?
There are serious concerns about personal safety.
And for the peace of mind of my parents and siblings, I want to just handle the situation as soon as possible.


It is a relative and unfortunately, they are refusing to provide me with their updated bank account details (there is paranoia that the government is spying on them) so I can't initiate a bank transfer.


So what are my options for sending the money without them being able to source my home address or reveal my bank account details ?
I wouldn’t send someone $12,000 if I was concerned about my personal safety. I’d involve the police.

As someone else mentioned, your address is already out there. This is a case where legislation hasn’t caught up with the reality of the internet.
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Taxapalooza »

tashnewbie wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:37 pm
Shallowpockets wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:05 pm Sending money to an unstable relative and concern for personal safety.
I hope OP is all right and not involved in some sort of coercive scheme or demand.
Perhaps advice should be sought by OP in that regard.
Who knows what subterfuge and threat, overt or implied, can come out of family dynamics.
Could this be something I read in the news due to not sending this money? Is help warranted here?
I think a lot could be said for whether OP *should send this money, but I didn't touch on that in my response because I think it'd run into possibly being against forum rules.

OP should proceed with CAUTION.
I think it's completely legitimate to tell OP to proceed with caution. Why are you sending money to a mentally unstable relative and want to do so without revealing personal details? My sister is a personal banker and tells me stories about client's "friends" and "family" asking for money via wires and individuals trying to do so under the table all the time via her branch. My questions are rhetorical.
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Marseille07 »

Taxapalooza wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:48 pm
tashnewbie wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:37 pm
Shallowpockets wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:05 pm Sending money to an unstable relative and concern for personal safety.
I hope OP is all right and not involved in some sort of coercive scheme or demand.
Perhaps advice should be sought by OP in that regard.
Who knows what subterfuge and threat, overt or implied, can come out of family dynamics.
Could this be something I read in the news due to not sending this money? Is help warranted here?
I think a lot could be said for whether OP *should send this money, but I didn't touch on that in my response because I think it'd run into possibly being against forum rules.

OP should proceed with CAUTION.
I think it's completely legitimate to tell OP to proceed with caution. Why are you sending money to a mentally unstable relative and want to do so without revealing personal details? My sister is a personal banker and tells me stories about client's "friends" and "family" asking for money via wires and individuals trying to do so under the table all the time via her branch. My questions are rhetorical.
I think posters know this whole story is sketchy. Advice given is essentially "we don't recommend doing this, but if you must..." kinda thing.
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by barnaclebob »

Marseille07 wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:56 pm
Taxapalooza wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:48 pm
tashnewbie wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:37 pm
Shallowpockets wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:05 pm Sending money to an unstable relative and concern for personal safety.
I hope OP is all right and not involved in some sort of coercive scheme or demand.
Perhaps advice should be sought by OP in that regard.
Who knows what subterfuge and threat, overt or implied, can come out of family dynamics.
Could this be something I read in the news due to not sending this money? Is help warranted here?
I think a lot could be said for whether OP *should send this money, but I didn't touch on that in my response because I think it'd run into possibly being against forum rules.

OP should proceed with CAUTION.
I think it's completely legitimate to tell OP to proceed with caution. Why are you sending money to a mentally unstable relative and want to do so without revealing personal details? My sister is a personal banker and tells me stories about client's "friends" and "family" asking for money via wires and individuals trying to do so under the table all the time via her branch. My questions are rhetorical.
I think posters know this whole story is sketchy. Advice given is essentially "we don't recommend doing this, but if you must..." kinda thing.
Wouldn't a reasonable explanation be that OP needs to settle an estate?
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anon_investor
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by anon_investor »

barnaclebob wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 5:47 pm
Marseille07 wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:56 pm
Taxapalooza wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:48 pm
tashnewbie wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:37 pm
Shallowpockets wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:05 pm Sending money to an unstable relative and concern for personal safety.
I hope OP is all right and not involved in some sort of coercive scheme or demand.
Perhaps advice should be sought by OP in that regard.
Who knows what subterfuge and threat, overt or implied, can come out of family dynamics.
Could this be something I read in the news due to not sending this money? Is help warranted here?
I think a lot could be said for whether OP *should send this money, but I didn't touch on that in my response because I think it'd run into possibly being against forum rules.

OP should proceed with CAUTION.
I think it's completely legitimate to tell OP to proceed with caution. Why are you sending money to a mentally unstable relative and want to do so without revealing personal details? My sister is a personal banker and tells me stories about client's "friends" and "family" asking for money via wires and individuals trying to do so under the table all the time via her branch. My questions are rhetorical.
I think posters know this whole story is sketchy. Advice given is essentially "we don't recommend doing this, but if you must..." kinda thing.
Wouldn't a reasonable explanation be that OP needs to settle an estate?
Nope. I have been the executor of a relative's estate before, and all "cash" disbursements to beneficiaries were either wired or sent via mail using a check from the estate bank account. The estate bank account check had no personal info about me the executor.
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Cindy07
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by Cindy07 »

Hi Bogleheads (apologies for typo in my original post)

Thank you so much for all your helpful responses. I will need to read a few times to digest. There's alot going on.

For those who are concerned that I could be subject to being scammed, I have information to confirm that this is legitimate.
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JoeRetire
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by JoeRetire »

Marseille07 wrote: Mon May 03, 2021 4:56 pmAdvice given is essentially "we don't recommend doing this, but if you must..." kinda thing.
That's the preface to quite a lot of the advice given here.
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bluebolt
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Re: Sending money to mentally unstable relative without revealing my home address

Post by bluebolt »

Cashier's check (or cash) sent via courier service.
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