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Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 2:51 pm
by BeanCity
It has become a "thing" in my social circle, that I am private about my life.

"Why don't you just tell us how much your house sold for. We are going to find out anyway online!"

People I know, find it hard to believe that I, or my DW would not share our net worth or and salaries.

They wonder why I won't share details about our relationship.

My answer back to them: It's absolutely none of your Fr@cking business!

I hope I drove my point home to them, but aside from this VERY valid reason, what are some reasons other bogleheads do not share personal information to family and friends?

I have a laundry list of reasons, but I would love to hear others thoughts.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:02 pm
by flyninjasquirrel
Who cares? The list of reasons is long and yours are just as valid as anyone else's. [Offensive comment removed by Moderator Misenplace.]

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:03 pm
by dixdak
You have basically answered your own question for me earlier in the post. It’s a need to know basis and you got no need.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:07 pm
by livesoft
I make sure everyone around me thinks they are wealthier than I am. They seem to like that.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:09 pm
by Livelife2fullest
One reason is that divulging this type of information can change the dynamic of your relationships with those in our social circle. We, humans, tend to compare what we have to those that our peers have. I’d rather not play that game, especially around finances, as comparison is the thief of joy.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:10 pm
by 260chrisb
flyninjasquirrel wrote: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:02 pm Who cares? The list of reasons is long and yours are just as valid as anyone else's. [Offensive comment removed by Moderator Misenplace]
Agree and if your friends care you probably need new friends! Finding the selling price of a home as well as the history of it's selling prices over the years as well as taxes paid each year are very easy to find in my county online. If it's easy in yours let them do some research. Why it would matter is beyond me. Outside of that, nothing else is any of their business. Curious what your age is. Seems like this is less of a social issue as we get older. It will be for you as well.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:10 pm
by ResearchMed
You might need some different "friends"!

Why do they ask?
But **WHY** do they then insist on knowing if you decline to share!??

:shock:

RM

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:13 pm
by 260chrisb
livesoft wrote: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:07 pm I make sure everyone around me thinks they are wealthier than I am. They seem to like that.
I like this as well and think I'm pretty good at it.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:15 pm
by DesertDiva
I believe it’s better to keep certain issues private. Otherwise there is the very real possibility of jealousy, resentment and discontentment in one’s relationships.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:17 pm
by Normchad
You either need different friends, or you’re doing something that invites these types of questions.

Someone on these boards had an answer that I like. “I wish I had as much as you think I do”.

Somebody else recently said they occasionally ask family members for money; as a way to ensure that nobody will ask them for any. I thought that was pretty good.

But honestly, no good will come from it. It just brings out the worst in everybody.

“Why should I have to bring a pie to thanksgiving dinner; 26chrisb is a millionaire ”, or whatever.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:18 pm
by Pomegranate
BeanCity wrote: Mon Aug 24, 2020 2:51 pm It has become a "thing" in my social circle, that I am private about my life.

"Why don't you just tell us how much your house sold for. We are going to find out anyway online!"

People I know, find it hard to believe that I, or my DW would not share our net worth or and salaries.

They wonder why I won't share details about our relationship.

My answer back to them: It's absolutely none of your Fr@cking business!

I hope I drove my point home to them, but aside from this VERY valid reason, what are some reasons other bogleheads do not share personal information to family and friends?

I have a laundry list of reasons, but I would love to hear others thoughts.
Are you sure you have a good 'social circle' :?:
Can't imagine somebody asking my salary / nw /relationship details :annoyed

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:22 pm
by Artful Dodger
We're in our mid 60s. How old are you? Is this maybe more common for younger folks? Honestly, I can't ever recall being asked by a friend for net worth or salary info. I have had discussions with business colleagues about what someone in my business can make, but usually this comes up in talks about business planning. I would never divulge details of my personal relationships. Yah, your friends are weird.

If I sold our house, I wouldn't have any problem telling the sales price to a friend or more likely a neighbor. I figure they're asking to get some idea how their house value is trending. I've protested my taxes a few times, and know everyone in the neighborhood's market value, and maybe price they paid for their home.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:34 pm
by index245
Your friends are unusual.

The only exception in my circle are people in the same industry discussing salary ranges (per years of experience) for the purpose of (a) hiring norm as they are in management or (b) to help a same-industry friend in their negotiations for a new job. In this sense, the discussion is very helpful.

Net worth has never come up.

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:35 pm
by runner3081
I never ask people those questions, but dig around on the internet to get the answers anyways :)

Re: Why am I private about my finances?

Posted: Mon Aug 24, 2020 3:43 pm
by oldcomputerguy
This topic has been locked as off-topic. While it's understandable to want to keep one's financial life private, privacy itself is not a financial issue. See Bogleheads.org - Rules-Personal Finance:
This subforum is for personal financial issues that don't involve investments. Examples of acceptable topics are:

- insurance
- employment issues
- credit card and credit rating issues
- mortgage and loan issues
- legal issues that have a financial component like wills and pre-nuptial agreements

Note that topics must be directly connected to your (or your friend's or family's) financial life. General comments or complaints about these topics will be locked or removed.