Sandtrap wrote: ↑Wed Mar 11, 2020 10:03 am
This is one
very unique way of looking at things for a man and a woman in the distant past.
You = "she"
Him, boyfriend, person who courts = "he"
You should not have to pay anything.
You and your child should be able to walk away at any time for any reason without strings.
You would need all of your money to get a fresh start if things turn South.
You should feel protected and "taken care of".
You should feel like a proper damsel and princess.
He should be your "Knight in Shining Armor".
He should be chivalrous.
He should be generous.
He should be protective.
He should open the carriage door for you.
He should carry an umbrella to shield you from the rain.
He should pay the bill to dine at the inn.
He should pay all the expenses of the castle he owns.
In return solely for your loyalty and love.
This is not a "business" relationship, shouldn't be.
Consider another Knight and Castle.
*A million plus ways of looking at these things with double that number of opinions.
There are SO MANY more ways this can go badly for you than go well for you (financially). No, no, and no.
No. You should not pay for term life, on “your man” to protect your own self. I’m sputtering more now that this is his response. Unacceptable! Yes, show him this thread.
His divorce history is not relevant, imho. He’s in an expensive house with low net worth, apparently -in part - living off a student girlfriend and single mom. Why can’t he save up several grand a month and then do the remodel?
To the OP’s later question about “ "A split won't be unbearably complicated for a net positive outcome"...only works when it works. Ok ...I suppose it’s not that much money in the whole scheme of your life, if you get exactly zero back, and minus legal fees over potential wrangling. BUT...
This deal is consuming, however, a major part of your cash on hand. What if your car dies,you have a major medical bill, or don’t find a job immediately? Are you going to owe him since you’re cash poor now? This really upsets the power balance, because of unequal finances (not “ours”).
A few possible catastrophes: the housing market tanks - coronavirus and oil wars spook everyone, let’s say - and the house loan to value ratio is upside down, can’t sell or can’t get him to sell....You break up, you have to move out, and he meets the love of his life -proposes immediately- who moves in immediately making your life messy, awkward, and wishing you had a 5 second way to get away from his finances. I say this because I can tick off the names of women friends who were with a guy (MD, let’s say), waiting on him to propose and it never q-u-I-t-e happens, but it’s serious. He is smarter financially, in theory, he has a higher income. Voila, they break up. Next lady shows up within a week, is engaged in a month and married the next spring. I don’t want that for you - please recognize that sometimes he’ll go for what’s convenient...until it isn’t. You should not have to convince him of anything. The best way to “convince” him may be to go be financially independent without his high earning self, so that he can decide what he wants...beyond a house remodel using OPM (other people’s money).
If you were my little sister, I’d say you’re being taken advantage of already (given the living arrangements), and I’d share a bottle of wine to try to keep you from financially entangling yourself with this person.