Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

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JBTX
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by JBTX »

Obviously a very personal decision.

We have almost always had 2 incomes. Luckily our jobs have been reasonably flexible. Also our situation isn't normal.

In this day and age I'd feel insecure relying on one income. Things are great right now, but the economy swings back and forth.

My take is OP has about as good a job as a (presumably) 2nd income as you could possibly get. She is home 4 out of 7 days. Good pay. Good benefits. Low stress. Once kids are in school maybe she is missing 3 days * 3 hours of kids home time. 9 hours a week. Is $80k plus benefits and a job you like worth sacrificing 9 hours a week?

If the kids are doing well and she likes her job I would say stick with it.

Whatever the case, don't feel pressured to adhere to other people's perceptions and values. She should do what works for her family.
prairieman
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by prairieman »

I do not think you are crazy.
My wife left her job for a while at your age. I felt more pressure to produce and more vulnerable to facing a financial disaster if I lost my job (which I never did). But no way was I going to tell her she had to work.
We had less money but life was certainly less crazy.
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domoi
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by domoi »

I would not quit and I did not quit when I was in a similar situation (except that I had a much more demanding job). And my decision had absolutely nothing to do with finances.
- I did not want to put pressure of being a breadwinner on my husband (who also had a stressful and demanding job)
- I wanted to set a good example of strong work ethics and professional success for my kids
- I did not want to set up a precedent of abandoning several hard-earned college degrees so soon after receiving them
- I would never forgive myself if we could not afford to pay for kids' college education or provide for their possible health needs
- Even though my husband would never limit or question my spending, I am much more comfortable spending the money I earned for (what I consider) luxuries, gifts or personal causes
The kids turned out fine in spite of misfortune of having two working parents. And if OP decides to quite, I want her job! :D
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MrBobcat
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by MrBobcat »

whattodonext wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:39 pm It's always nice to use this forum to gain a better perspective, which I could use right now.

I have a good job. It's a stable job that pays well (read: Federal govt). I work 3 days a week and have been doing this for over 8 years. I've been with the gov't for a little over 10 years. I work in the office 3 days, and on the days that I'm off, I'm really off. I don't get any emails/calls from work. I also carry our health insurance and will receive a pension. I make around $80k part-time. I enjoy working and I like my job.

My husband also has a good job. His job is becoming more and more demanding as he climbs the corporate ladder. With the demands has also come a significant increase in pay. If I quit, we would have to switch to his health insurance which is a bit more costly than mine (roughly $1k/month more).

We are considering having me quit my job altogether to be home with the kids full-time. I would be doing this to improve our quality of life as a family. More meal planning, prepping, working on homework, taking kids to activities, volunteering more in their school, etc. Kids ages are 8, 6, 1.

Am I crazy? Would I have major regrets? Have you done this and have any advice for me?
Will you quitting put more stress on your husband being he will be the only breadwinner?
abracadabra11
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by abracadabra11 »

RevFran wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:43 pm
Hug401k wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:23 pm Consider this, take a chunk of that money you are making and hire some help so that the 2 days you are home are 100% dedicated to kids and volunteering. You may find that all your time dedicated to meal planning and cleaning gets old fast and that you miss using your big words... so I hear :wink: . Also, dragging kids through the grocery store is not necessarily bonding good times for either of you. So take a chunk of your pay, hire someone to clean, come in and do laundry and pick up the house. Get groceries delivered. Leave the kids stuff to you and hire out as much as the other stuff as possible since you probably will make more working. Use the rest of the $ for the 401k and 529 plans.
This sounds like a great suggestion!
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SC Anteater
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by SC Anteater »

Honestly that sounds like a great schedule to me (as a woman). I think you're really in the most exhausting years but those end, and if you were to quit, and then want to pick it up again when your kids are older, or when the oldest goes off to college, I think it would be tough to get back. I worked part time all through my kids' childhood, with gradually increasing # of hours, so that now when they're off at college I'm working 30 hours a week, in general. In many ways I regret having 'jobs' and not a career, because now the kids are gone and I still have a lot of working years to fill. I like working and wouldn't have wanted to be at home full time though. ymmv.
goblue100
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by goblue100 »

bligh wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:44 pm
If you do not mind me asking, I would love to know what kind of job is it that you do? Asking for a friend. :D
Yes, I'm considering a new career, and 3 days a week for 80K would fit the bill nicely. What qualifications do I need?
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Tamarind
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Tamarind »

You're not crazy to consider it, but I would not quit the job you describe. A job is more than money.
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JoeRetire
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by JoeRetire »

whattodonext wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:39 pm I have a good job. It's a stable job that pays well (read: Federal govt). I work 3 days a week and have been doing this for over 8 years. I've been with the gov't for a little over 10 years. I work in the office 3 days, and on the days that I'm off, I'm really off. I don't get any emails/calls from work. I also carry our health insurance and will receive a pension. I make around $80k part-time. I enjoy working and I like my job.

My husband also has a good job. His job is becoming more and more demanding as he climbs the corporate ladder. With the demands has also come a significant increase in pay. If I quit, we would have to switch to his health insurance which is a bit more costly than mine (roughly $1k/month more).

We are considering having me quit my job altogether to be home with the kids full-time. I would be doing this to improve our quality of life as a family. More meal planning, prepping, working on homework, taking kids to activities, volunteering more in their school, etc. Kids ages are 8, 6, 1.

Am I crazy? Would I have major regrets? Have you done this and have any advice for me?
If I understand correctly you would be trading about $92k per year for 3 extra days of meal planning, prepping, working on homework, taking kids to activities and volunteering more in their school. I assume you would also be giving up some potential pension money as well.

Can you afford that financially?

Besides your career and your enjoyment working in a stable job you like, what else would you be giving up to do so?

Are you already doing those activities in the 4 days you aren't working? How much real difference would 3 more make?
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Winston19
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Winston19 »

Consider that staying home with the kids full time may not feel fulfilling and rewarding in the same way as the job you enjoy.
Leemiller
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Leemiller »

I’m a woman and a parent of girls and part of the reason I work is to be a role model for them. My mother worked and so did my husband’s mother, and I believe it impacted both of us in a positive manner. I also wouldn’t leave myself vulnerable by not having my own income, and you can’t just walk into a well paying job after years off whenever you feel like it or illness or divorce demands it. Based on what I see and hear - including from husbands whose wives stay at home - there is no way I’d put myself in that dependent role.
ThankYouJack
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by ThankYouJack »

Leemiller wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2020 8:44 am I’m a woman and a parent of girls and part of the reason I work is to be a role model for them. My mother worked and so did my husband’s mother, and I believe it impacted both of us in a positive manner. I also wouldn’t leave myself vulnerable by not having my own income, and you can’t just walk into a well paying job after years off whenever you feel like it or illness or divorce demands it. Based on what I see and hear - including from husbands whose wives stay at home - there is no way I’d put myself in that dependent role.
My wife recently stopped work and I see things different. I believe she's having a much bigger impact as a role model by spending more time with our kids than if she was working. It's beneficial that we can both really focus on the family instead of having to focus on work. As our kids get older, teaching them that we worked very hard in school, went to a top-tier college, got good jobs that we worked hard at and lived well below our means to put us in this very fortunate position will be more valuable lesson than having to do the typical daily grind.

I also feel getting back into the workforce depends on one's human capital, which fortunately for my wife she has a great deal of and a bunch of strong connections. Maybe my wife won't make as much as before when she was climbing the corporate ladder, but she's fine with that, and if she goes back she'll want something that is flexible that she really enjoys.
SteelPenny
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by SteelPenny »

I would not personally quit the job you describe, considering 3 days/week, $80k and good benefits. But this is such a personal question. If you really want to be a stay-at-home parent, then of course, it makes sense for you.

There are people who have 3 children in daycare, while they work 50 hours a week at a job paying $50k. After taxes and daycare expenses, it easily makes sense for them to stay-at-home rather than work long hours to essentially break even after paying for daycare. Logistically, you are in a very different position, since you could hire great childcare 3 days/week and even hire someone to shop and meal plan for you and still be better off financially by working.

The additional consideration of remaining in the workforce to keep up skills and a strong resume in case you need a job in the future (illness, divorce, etc.) is a positive. Being a role model as a working mother is another personal decision that some people value and others don't worry about as much.

Overall, I wouldn't quit the job based on logistics. You can easily hire the help based on your salary and hours worked. Only if you really desire to be a stay-at-home parent, then it makes sense. Also, I didn't see how much your husband was making. If his salary is $500k, it obviously makes a lot more sense than if his salary is $150k.
Dottie57
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Dottie57 »

EddyB wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 8:49 pm
HomerJ wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 8:18 pm
Fletch wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 8:10 pm My perspective: There is NOTHING more important than loving parents raising their children and teaching the family values that are important to the parents. That means if you can spend time with them showing you care, you value their activities by being there, you are there for the bumps and bruises of daily life, and you can still provide for their physical needs of food, shelter, and some fun social interaction - go for it. The memories and values you provide and teach to your children cannot be replaced by day care workers or baby sitters. My very best wishes for your family.

I'm somewhat biased on this topic as my wife only worked for a couple of years when our kids were pre-k age. My wife being there for them was truly a blessing that they remember fondly - they are now 46 and 50 and the relationships we had and have with them are quite strong. We have seen the results of having a full time mom, at least in our case (as contrasted to some of our friends who thought it was more important to have two incomes).
What do you mean we? You were still working, so you couldn't possibly have had a strong relationship with your kids.

That's tongue-in-cheek, of course... I'm sure you DO have a strong relationship with your kids. Even while working full-time. So you know it's possible to work full-time and still have a strong relationship with one's kids.

And that goes for mothers too.

The OP has a pretty sweet situation. She's not working late, only 3 days a week. The two older kids are at school most of the day. The calculus changes a bit with the toddler. My wife stayed home for one kid during the toddler years, and worked during the day-care years for the other two.

All three turned out pretty well it seems.

Either choice is good.

There are not a lot of $80k jobs ($92k once you factor in health care) that give such nice work/life balance as this one... I'd keep it, but again that's just me.
I agree that compared to many people, the OP has a good situation, but I also think that my spouse staying home greatly facilitates not only her relationship with our kids, but mine too. I’m not suggesting that dual-working couples can’t have great relationships with their kids, of course, but I think there’s potential relationship and family value for both parents and the kids in freeing up more of one parent’s time.
Just a note not a disagreement. I’ve been friends with couples. I’ve seen situations where wife quitting her job has enabled husband to work more and spend LESS time with kids. To me it didn’t seem like a good trade.
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CyclingDuo
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by CyclingDuo »

whattodonext wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:39 pm It's always nice to use this forum to gain a better perspective, which I could use right now.

I have a good job. It's a stable job that pays well (read: Federal govt). I work 3 days a week and have been doing this for over 8 years. I've been with the gov't for a little over 10 years. I work in the office 3 days, and on the days that I'm off, I'm really off. I don't get any emails/calls from work. I also carry our health insurance and will receive a pension. I make around $80k part-time. I enjoy working and I like my job.

My husband also has a good job. His job is becoming more and more demanding as he climbs the corporate ladder. With the demands has also come a significant increase in pay. If I quit, we would have to switch to his health insurance which is a bit more costly than mine (roughly $1k/month more).

We are considering having me quit my job altogether to be home with the kids full-time. I would be doing this to improve our quality of life as a family. More meal planning, prepping, working on homework, taking kids to activities, volunteering more in their school, etc. Kids ages are 8, 6, 1.

Am I crazy? Would I have major regrets? Have you done this and have any advice for me?
Yup. You just might be crazy. :mrgreen:

You've won the lottery! 3 days a week for $80K, plus a pension, plus health insurance if you stick with the job. It would be tough to justify giving up that kind of a winning lottery ticket. Pretty decent work/family balance to be able to spend 4 days a week (57% of your week) at home with the family. How long has your work/family balance been at this current level of work 3 days, be home 4 days a week?

You will have three college educations to pay for, lots of expenses along the way until the nest is empty, your nest egg to build, etc... .

We would run a lot of financial scenarios before turning in that winning lottery ticket.
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LiveSimple
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by LiveSimple »

No need to quit, you have 4 days free to schedule better. You have a pension too, if you work that is a big plus as well, Not many jobs come with pension nowadays
tealeaves
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by tealeaves »

People can tell you what they would do, but in the end it doesn't matter. You and your husband should obviously take whatever protective precautions you can (adequate disability insurance for him. etc.) and then make the risk/reward decision based your joint forward looking worst case scenario. You'll find the answer there. Good luck.
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greg24
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by greg24 »

You are fortunate to have two very good choices.

The choice is highly personal. Do whatever you feel is best. No one on this board walks in your shoes.

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Pikel
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Pikel »

From the short description it sounds like it is your husband's work/life balance is the stressor.

We completely reorganized our lives before having kids which means one of us takes care of the kids and the other telecommutes. It's pretty awesome.
RJC
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by RJC »

Don't do it. Just hire help if your husband is making that much more money. The dynamics change when one is the sole breadwinner. Once the youngest is old enough, you can get back to working full time again.

Look at the long game and do what's best for you.
tesuzuki2002
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by tesuzuki2002 »

sounds like you have a nice gig work working... but you also likely don't NEED to have that job in your position. Nice to be able to make that choice... If you quit your job now... would you possibly be able to get back into it in say 10 years time if you wanted to? Just a thought to take that time for family now and work your way back in... in the future..

You could keep working today, but start to make an exit strategy for the near ish future. I am doing that now in my current situation.. I have $325K in equity awards coming my way over the next 4 years at my current employer that require my continued employment over that time.. that is the icing the cake for me... with retirement coming right after that around age 42..
rich126
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by rich126 »

I'm guessing you would regret it. Right now you work 3 out of 7 days plus still get some amount of vacation/holidays (60% of them?).

I've worked in the federal government a few times and I know it can get to you but I think you have it really good. Getting back into the federal government once you left can be pretty difficult. And depending where you are at, getting part time status at some agencies can also be difficult.

In those high paying stressful jobs it helps to have one spouse having a stable job with benefits. What if your husband in a couple of years needs to find a less stressful, lower paying job due to preference or medical reasons?
milo minderbinder
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by milo minderbinder »

No, it wouldn't be crazy to quit. But reading your post it doesn't really sound like you want to, and it might be difficult to get this kind of job after some time out of the market.
Pigeon
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Pigeon »

I don't think anyone can answer that except you.

If I were you I would absolutely not quit. I've been happily married for decades, but I would never be dependent on a spouse for support, and I wouldn't take myself out of the workplace barring winning the lottery for several million. I've seen too many situations where things have unexpectedly fallen apart. A part time job that pays $80K with good benefits is like the holy grail. Finding one a second time if you change your mind would be like finding unicorn tears.

In the spirit of full disclosure, while I adore my spouse and my kids, I can't think of anything I'd like less personally than sacrificing my career to be somebody else's full time housekeeper and SAHM. It would be my personal definition of hell.
Hug401k
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Hug401k »

Hug401k wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:23 pm This is a tough crowd to ask. Whatever they did seems to be the only right answer.

I have been a work in the office Mom, a stay at home mom, a FT work from home mom. None of them are just right. For a few months, I had a 3 day a week schedule and I really enjoyed it. Some of your hardest decisions have been made. You've decided your husband's career is the priority. It sounds like you have enough money to live off of just his pay. Consider this, take a chunk of that money you are making and hire some help so that the 2 days you are home are 100% dedicated to kids and volunteering. You may find that all your time dedicated to meal planning and cleaning gets old fast and that you miss using your big words... so I hear :wink: . Also, dragging kids through the grocery store is not necessarily bonding good times for either of you. So take a chunk of your pay, hire someone to clean, come in and do laundry and pick up the house. Get groceries delivered. Leave the kids stuff to you and hire out as much as the other stuff as possible since you probably will make more working. Use the rest of the $ for the 401k and 529 plans.

One exception to all this.. if you childcare costs exceed your pay, it may be worth the time off for now.

BTW, you are not crazy. I think every exhausted mother asks themselves this all the time.
I should mention, when I left FT Office Mom, I was a Vice President. Four years later I went back to work after being a Stay at Home Mom. It's been 6 years and I can't seem to get back to that VP level, so if you go back, your current job level may no longer be available.
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WarAdmiral
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by WarAdmiral »

If i were you, i would stay on my job. 3 days a week, part-time 80k, low-stress job - it's perfect that one of you has this. I don't think this would improve your already-good quality of life dramatically. That extra income can actually improve your lifestyle further. ex. hiring a nanny, hiring a tutor for kids, more luxirous vacations, eating out more often..and on and on
fourkids
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by fourkids »

Absolutely DON’T QUIT.
You have the best of both worlds now.
Don’t mistake meal planning, prepping, errands, volunteering at school etc as “quality family time”. It’s not. It’s unpaid female labor.
Take a portion of your very good salary and outsource absolutely everything that is not direct time spent with your family.
At work, You are continuing to grow skills, knowledge, connections that will benefit the rest of your career.

I’m a decade older than you and see way too many moms trying to reenter the workforce again unsuccessfully. Many divorces, husband job losses, family issues have caused them to need to work, but after 10 years, they are starting from scratch. I have a few 45-50 year olds working along side my 25 year olds, same pay.

So, don’t leave. Get a trusted nanny/ household manager to make your busy lives easier
IowaFarmWife
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by IowaFarmWife »

Honestly, I would quit. I was able to be a stay at home mom when our children were young, and I wouldn't trade that for anything. It was one of the best times of my life.
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WolfgangPauli
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by WolfgangPauli »

We were of the belief our single biggest responsibility was to our children. We would live in a smaller home, have less "luxuries" whatever it took.. The children came first. To accomplish that, we concluded one of us had to be home full time from the day our son was born. We just decided who based on economics and in our case it turned out to be my wife. Once our son was in school, she volunteered at the school which turned into a full time job meaning she worked when he was at school and home when he was home.

There is no right answer to what you are asking so I can only tell you what we did and we have no regrets.

I would quit.
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FireHorse
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by FireHorse »

whattodonext wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:10 pm
mortfree wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:04 pm Are you early 30’s?

You work 3 out of 7 days and make 80k.

That’s a tough call.

Any flexibility in your husbands schedule on the 3 days you work?
No flexibility in his schedule, although he does have the ability to work from home just not on any consistent basis. I'm 35 and my husband is 36.
You did not mention your husband income and your expenses. However let's talk about you.
You are already part time which is what most mom looking for. You have a good job with good benefits, it seems you like your job.
You have three kids with large expenses especially college fund, I would say NO to quitting your job until I see more of your financial details.
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HomerJ
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by HomerJ »

If it makes you feel any better Sam1, I would have answered that my wife does everything on that list you posted.

And I think I'm a pretty good husband, but my wife definitely does most of the work you're talking about. She plans everything, like vacations and parties, etc.
ThankYouJack wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2020 8:36 pmI just put the kids down for bed.
That, at least, was my job throughout our marriage... :)
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HomerJ
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by HomerJ »

I feel real guilty now... but I remember making the following joke several times when I was younger...

I've had at least three co-workers over the years who actually said "I don't want my wife working... It's my job to provide for the family, and she can take care of the home". (We're talking 10-20 years ago, but still!).

Now, me, who had a wife was working, would always say "You're crazy... My wife brings home MORE money than me, and STILL does most of the work around the house... I highly recommend it..."

I thought I was funny at the time... Now, I realize, not so much.... :(
A Goldman Sachs associate provided a variety of detailed explanations, but then offered a caveat, “If I’m being dead-### honest, though, nobody knows what’s really going on.”
Finridge
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Finridge »

whattodonext wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:39 pm

I have a good job. It's a stable job that pays well (read: Federal govt). I work 3 days a week and have been doing this for over 8 years. I've been with the gov't for a little over 10 years. I work in the office 3 days, and on the days that I'm off, I'm really off. I don't get any emails/calls from work. I also carry our health insurance and will receive a pension. I make around $80k part-time. I enjoy working and I like my job.

With this schedule, I would not quit. It's only three days a week. The money is good. And the best way to for you stay "employable" is to have a current job.

Also, it's good to have a life (and colleagues/friends) outside the home.

Converting to the model of you being a "stay at home mom" with your husband being the "sole breadwinner" changes the dynamic of the relationship, so consider that also. Many people do this and love it. But it's not for everyone.

At the end of the day, you should do what you think is best. No, you're not crazy to consider quitting.
TheDDC
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by TheDDC »

whattodonext wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 6:39 pm It's always nice to use this forum to gain a better perspective, which I could use right now.

I have a good job. It's a stable job that pays well (read: Federal govt). I work 3 days a week and have been doing this for over 8 years. I've been with the gov't for a little over 10 years. I work in the office 3 days, and on the days that I'm off, I'm really off. I don't get any emails/calls from work. I also carry our health insurance and will receive a pension. I make around $80k part-time. I enjoy working and I like my job.

My husband also has a good job. His job is becoming more and more demanding as he climbs the corporate ladder. With the demands has also come a significant increase in pay. If I quit, we would have to switch to his health insurance which is a bit more costly than mine (roughly $1k/month more).

We are considering having me quit my job altogether to be home with the kids full-time. I would be doing this to improve our quality of life as a family. More meal planning, prepping, working on homework, taking kids to activities, volunteering more in their school, etc. Kids ages are 8, 6, 1.

Am I crazy? Would I have major regrets? Have you done this and have any advice for me?
+1 for staying home to raise the kids. It's a full tine job and will definitely improve your quality of life, especially for kids. This was the path for my wife and she wouldn't look back.

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HomerJ
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by HomerJ »

TheDDC wrote: Mon Feb 10, 2020 9:21 pm +1 for staying home to raise the kids. It's a full tine job and will definitely improve your quality of life, especially for kids. This was the path for my wife and she wouldn't look back.

-TheDDC
One needs to account for diminishing returns.

Extra money also improves quality of life.

If she worked one day a week, and made $92k a year, would you tell her to quit? Would the one extra day be worth losing the money?

Most of the responses to quit seem reasonable for a full time worker, with extra responsibilities even after-hours... or at a job that is stressful, or when talking about less pay.

But the OP is right on the edge of perfect balance... $92k a year (including health care) and only 3 days a week, and she likes the job, and when she's gone, they don't bother her.

You get a lot of quality time with the kids in those other 4 days, and the money buys quality of life as well.

The toddler is the big question... The two in school aren't missing anything. 2 hours of after school care three days a week is nothing.

I occasionally would come early to after-school care, and my kid wouldn't want to leave, because they were playing kickball in the gym, or he was in the middle of a chess game with a friend.

Either choice the OP makes will be a good one. There's no wrong answer... But I lean towards keeping the job. Seems to be the best of both worlds.
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by ICMoney »

Former golden ticket holder here (mom of young kids with part time 80k job with benefits and flexibility). Of course this is your decision, seems like either way there are upsides.

Given that you like the job, I would stay if I were you. Your happiness is a big deal and it seems like you have found career satisfaction which can be hard to attain. Would you like being at home full time with the one year old instead of at this job? (it's ok to say no...) Would a large part of you miss the engagement of your part time job?

For me, I grew very unhappy with my "golden ticket" job and quit when it became unbearable to me, though the boglehead side of me still fought to hold on even at the bitter end. It was VERY hard to quit because I knew I had a "golden ticket" that most moms of young kids couldn't even imagine. I stayed home for awhile and found that I deeply missed the career engagement. I felt "different" from the other stay at home moms I came across and didn't really find a place to fit into their mom-culture. Thankfully, I landed another part time, flexible, better paying job after about a year "sabbatical". My stay at home trial taught me more about what I value, enjoy and how I want to spend my time, and that it is ok to have a career and other engagement beyond my young kids (which is a different message than I received growing up).

Oh, and the what-if's others have cautioned you about? Two of them happened to my family, within a couple years of cashing in my "golden ticket" job to stay at home with my young kids. I feel blessed my new part time job came to me before these life events hit.

Best, ICM
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by mikeyzito22 »

OnTrack2020 wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 9:02 pm I left the workforce over two decades ago to be a stay-at-home parent. And I've never returned. Over the years, I've thought about returning to work occasionally--for about 30 seconds, but there is always something that needs to be done at home, and now I'm basically retirement age. For us, me leaving the workforce just really freed things up--we didn't have daycare, meals were made at home, yard maintenance, running errands, etc. were done during the day and it was just all around better than rushing here and there and everywhere.

However, I never had a part-time, $80k a year job in my 30s. That would be hard to give up especially as you really like your job, and it offers benefits. There are some things you could do---limit the kids' activities, and, quite frankly, I would skip on the volunteering at school. It just doesn't make that big of a difference in the long run. Order groceries on-line; it's so much easier to pick them up than to walk through a large store to pick them up.
Volunteering at your child's school doesn't "make that big of a difference in the long run?" Wait, in your child's upbringing, the school, or the world? You are advocating that someone who can, shouldn't volunteer at a school. I can tell you that educators definitely think it makes a difference in the "long run." We don't even have EA's so volunteerism is something we should applaud, not bemoan.
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by veindoc »

Very tough...BUT if I were you I wouldn’t quit
I have worked full time, part time and no time. All three had their challenges. Part time was the most challenging. If I had a job where I was on, only for 3 days and truly off the others, I would have never left. But on my off days I was dealing with family life and office life and it was very intrusive.

Two days a week gives you plenty of time to volunteer at the school, take fun trips with the kids and do the mundane stuff like doctors appointments with little angst. And at the same time it give you an opportunity to miss your kids during those 3 days and get some adult mental stimulation as well. I second the post about securing tons of help. You can afford it. Nothing spoils craft time with the baby than realizing you only have 1/10 gallon of milk left and you didn’t go shopping and you only have 25 minutes to do so before the older kids get home.
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Wenonah »

Honestly, Do NOT quit your job. You are only working three days a week. That is PERFECT. You need to have your own career in case of disability, death, or divorce, AND sanity. Being a full time mom is super hard, but being a mostly full time mom is a ton easier. You need that intellectual stimulation and also, you need your own thing. You need to have some income and a job of your own. I have done both and about went nuts being a full time mom and ended up having to join groups and clubs to make up for my lack of focus other than the kids. Even if the babysitter costs as much as it does to have your work, it is wort it for you to strike out on your own and have a little bit of self esteem and something to put on your resume. Please think hard about this. Having a pension that is decent is huge!
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by H. E. Pennypacker »

I can't tell you what the right decision is for you, but I can tell you that if you decide to quit, I'd be interested in filling the vacancy!
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by LadyGeek »

Several off-topic posts have been removed. This thread is reopened to continue the discussion.

This thread is now in the Personal Finance (Not Investing) forum (career guidance).
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whattodonext
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by whattodonext »

OP here. Thanks everyone for the various perspectives. It was quite a mixed bag of responses, which is good because it means there is no one right answer :) I always knew there would be a long line of people waiting for my job if I were to leave, and this post just confirmed it. I do feel very fortunate and grateful to be in the position I'm in.

I'll keep everyone posted on our decision, and how it impacts our family, finances, etc. so anyone else who is struggling with this decision can benefit from it.
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by lessismore22 »

Normchad wrote: Sun Feb 09, 2020 7:32 pm Being at home time full time may help your husbands career...
This was/is the case for us. My business has benefited tremendously from DW staying home with our kids.
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by financiallycurious »

I'll keep everyone posted on our decision, and how it impacts our family, finances, etc. so anyone else who is struggling with this decision can benefit from it.
I look forward to the update. It's such a personal decision, but since you already have 4 full days off to spend with your family and you enjoy your job, my vote is to keep working, and think of your job as insurance against things like illness, jobless or death of your husband, or divorce. These are things no one likes to think about, but most of us know someone who has been very badly affected by each risk. Best of luck to you.
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by swaption »

Thought experiment. 30 years from now, one of your kids comes to you with the same question, what do you tell them?

I ask it this way, because something I notice quite a bit is that folks often want different things for their kids than they want from themselves. I'm not sure that is fair to either party involved.

Just one other thing to add, I don't think any notion of setting this or that example for your kids is relevant in any way. The best thing you can do for your kids is to be genuine, which essentially means doing whatever you want to do. They'll be able to take care of their own life, at least ultimately. What grown up child wants to hear their parents say that I really didn't want to do x, y, or z, but I did it because I wanted to be a good role model?
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by skp »

Many moons ago I was in your situation. I was a part time nurse who wanted to go prn (work when I felt like it but no Benifits or retirement). It was summer. The kids were Nearing school age and I really wanted the summer off. I also liked my job. But saw that these golden summers would soon be over. Sure I only worked 3 days a week but We could afford it. I didn’t do it. 30 years later I’m not sorry. I asked the kids when they were older if they wished I was home more. They said no. My husband also was glad. He eventually hated his job and my benefits gave him options. So at least for me at the end of my career and actually eligible for a pension, if someone asked me if I regret not being home more for my kids I’d say no. I worked part time or my husband did and it worked for us,
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by BradJ »

Of course it is crazy to quit your job, but that should have no bearing on your decision.
Here is my take:
If you have always had an innate desire to stay home and play the role of stay at home spouse, you will not regret the decision. You will find endless joy in making that sacrifice, and understand that your reward will come years later when your children thank you for the "ultimate" sacrifice.

Or

If you are wanting to quit because you have always wondered what it is like to play that role, and often find yourself on the fence about taking the plunge, you will regret the decision. This may be controversial, but staying home is something you either want to do, or you don't. This is why you have lawyers, doctors, and other high earners walk away from their careers to stay home....because they have always had the desire, not interest, in staying home with kids. Staying home or working has no bearing if you are a good parent or not, please don't let society tell you that. That being said, I truly believe it is the ultimate sacrifice a parent can make for their family.
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Ramjet »

I would not quit the job you described
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Re: Am I crazy to consider quitting my job?

Post by Normchad »

It is not crazy to quit a job. Especially if you don’t need the money.
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