Just be prepared, when the time comes, to call the local social services and tell them there is an elderly couple in serious need of assistance. Then let the system work. Or not. (It won't work if parents totally refuse to cooperate at all...)tph090 wrote: ↑Sun Jan 19, 2020 11:53 amI think I have to at least try having a one-time discussion with mom or gift her like a 2 hour consult with a fee-only financial planner to clear my conscience and then I'm done. She was in disbelief and got very upset with my dad when the eviction happened, and I don't think she can wrap her head around just how much uglier it could be if they are 75, 80, without their healthcare situation figured out, and experiencing any mental or physical decline while also dealing with no income/assets. Any consideration of them moving back to Canada would have to happen before they're too old to handle it, so I do feel like I have to at least throw it out there. I mentioned when trying to get them to realize the cost of aging that my friend is currently paying $8,000 a month for her mom's LTC. My mom replied, "You would never stick us in a place like that, would you?" I told her it was not my obligation or desire to pay X thousands per month for two extremely well-educated people who chose never to work even remotely normal hours and had no need to live basically on the margins, never carried health insurance for their kids, etc.. She asked if I would ever buy a house with a guest apartment. I said no, that's not going to happen. I don't think that made any impact though because now a few months later she's talking about adopting a dog and seems more concerned with going out with friends or to "their favorite opera" than the fact that they have visible dental neglect.BarbBrooklyn wrote: ↑Sun Jan 19, 2020 10:18 am There are a couple of choices here. Your parents are either grifters, mentally ill, or unrealistic dreamers, or some combination. Like dad is a grifter engaged in a folie a deux or Svengali-like relationship with mom.
Suspicious of medical care tells me that perhaps they've had an unpleasant brush with it in the past, as in a forced psychiatric admission.
I suspect they see you or your sister as their retirement plan. Make sure they know that the answer is no, not going to happen.
When mom is 90 and needs nursing home care, you'll help her apply for Medicaid. But as someone up-thread pointed out, without on--going medical care now, making it past 70 is probably not likely.
Let them be. I would not waste my breath "nudging" mom. If she hasn't learned that this is a "pay your own way" world by age 60, it's not going to happen because of a nudge from you.
It makes me sad but I know there's nothing I can do personally or financially for people who refuse to help themselves.
You can't necessarily fix this, no matter how good your intentions and how hard you try.
You need to focus on yourself and *your* family.
Again, so sorry....