House Hunting with Family Pressure

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Coltrane75
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House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Coltrane75 »

Hello Everyone:
I've been reading this forum for years and have learned so much so would like to get ask a question; more personal/family related than financial.

My wife and I currently own a condo in downtown Boston and are looking to move to the burbs to raise a family. We've spent a lot of time over the past year researching towns to whittle it down to a few we want; our most important criteria were that it fit in our budget, had a great school system, and was near major highways or commuter rails. I'll spare you all the details but we are looking in Medfield, Acton and Hopkinton.

Now that we have just started to look a couple of weeks ago, we are getting flack from each of our parents for our town choices. My wife's parents lives in the city of Boston while my parents live in Braintree. They both want us to move much closer to them and think we are putting too much emphasis on the quality of the school district, etc.

While I understand there is a good bit of subjectivity around house hunting criteria, the annoyance for me is that we are moving at most about 40 miles from my parents; who are older than my wife's. However, they are in their late 70s and have become accustomed to not driving much; they often rely on carpooling with relatives. Even though they have a car with built in navigation; they really don't like venturing too far or to new locations. They are healthy still.

Just for a sanity check, has anyone gone through this before? I really don't feel like we are "abandoning" our parents by moving 30-40 miles away, we are still in state. Am I overlooking something? We don't yet have kids so I could be not realizing something.

Thanks!
daheld
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by daheld »

I would agree it certainly does not sound like you're "abandoning" anyone. Everyone has their own priorities for location and amenities when looking to buy a home, and you have good and justifiable reasons for those priorities. They're yours and nobody else's opinion should really factor in much.

Specifically relevant to school choice, I WILL say (perhaps somewhat controversially around here) that I do believe some times folks put too much of an emphasis on this. Yes, it's absolutely important. No, you should not willingly put your kids into a "bad" school district. But there's so much more to your family's quality of life and giving your kids a good start than school rankings, or people's opinions of school districts. I think for people who are good parents, there's very little difference between sending your kids to a school that's, say, a 7/10 vs 9/10 (what do those numbers even mean and how are we supposed to value them?). Additionally, education is changing everywhere, and K-12 education generally may look very different in 10 years.

All of this is not to say you shouldn't consider school districts. You should. I just see people get SO OBSESSED with this, and I can't imagine it really dictating a huge part of my life or decisions.
ohai
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by ohai »

I live 15000 miles from my parents, so 40 miles is pretty close. Anyway, it's not up to them. They just need to get used to whatever you decide.
magicrat
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by magicrat »

Move where you want, and stop giving them information if they are meddling. Once you've closed on a house let them know.
DVMResident
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by DVMResident »

Personally, I wouldn’t tell them anything until you close followed by “there’s this new thing called Uber...”
oldfatguy
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by oldfatguy »

Coltrane75 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 11:58 am
Just for a sanity check, has anyone gone through this before? I really don't feel like we are "abandoning" our parents by moving 30-40 miles away, we are still in state. Am I overlooking something? We don't yet have kids so I could be not realizing something.
I'm a 14 hour drive from my parents, and haven't seen them for 4 years. 30-40 miles is nothing.
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gunn_show
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by gunn_show »

daheld wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:05 pm I would agree it certainly does not sound like you're "abandoning" anyone. Everyone has their own priorities for location and amenities when looking to buy a home, and you have good and justifiable reasons for those priorities. They're yours and nobody else's opinion should really factor in much.
daheld make a lot of great points that I agree with. Many of my friends live in entirely different states than their folks, so 30-40 miles is nothing. Modern cars don't flinch at driving 40 miles. I get it that parents (eventual grandparents) are older, so that is a consideration, but you need to do what's important for your family, 7 days a week, 365 a year. Not parents you may see weekly or monthly or annually, we don't know your situation with each set of parents.

It is a purchase made by you and your spouse. That's it. You don't take your parents with you to buy a car, go to costco, Trader Joe's, etc. You can make your own decisions. I hate family pressure. It's the worst. Tell them they can put pressure on you only if they pony up the 20% down payment for you. See what they say.
daheld wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:05 pm Specifically relevant to school choice, I WILL say (perhaps somewhat controversially around here) that I do believe some times folks put too much of an emphasis on this. Yes, it's absolutely important.
Agree.

Although to be honest, OP says "are looking to move to the burbs to raise a family" but also "We don't yet have kids so I could be not realizing something" so perhaps you are jumping the shark overall? Many things can happen during your dreams to build a family. You may not get pregnant (sadly we are 1 for 4 getting pregnant and carrying to term)(at least 3 awesome married couples we know have exhausted normal and IVF means and cannot get preggo, have given up). You may buy a house you didn't realize is terrible for toddlers (been there done that, stairs in front, stairs in back, detached garage, sold that house quick). You may buy a house that today is in a good zone but in 5 or 10 years (who knows how long it will take you to get pregnant and get that kid to school age) is not in a good zone. Things change, sometimes slowly, sometimes rapidly. Just keep that in mind if you truly are buying to raise a family .. yet don't have a family (with children in tow). Maybe the best answer is to wait. Given the fact you don't have kids today, you haven't really stated what the urgency is to buy now.

Otherwise, buy what you want, not what someone else thinks you should buy.
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sailaway
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by sailaway »

Have you considered having the first kid in the condo and seeing how the familial relationships develop? You may well want more distance if they are popping over to often. Or you may appreciate having family close by. There is plenty of time AFTER having a kid to find a good school district.
Isabelle77
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Isabelle77 »

Listing our house in March in one of those towns, PM me if you're interested! :wink:

In all seriousness, it's lovely out here. The schools are like a dream and the small town is out of a movie. I wouldn't want to live closer to Boston, we appreciate the calmer life out here. Buy your home where you like and ignore your family, it's still the same general area for goodness sakes.
Jack FFR1846
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Jack FFR1846 »

If they've lived inside of Rt 128 all their lives, then they suffer from the Boston view of the world. You've probably seen the poster depicting the entire world. Fenway, the Pru, the Charles all well detailed and big with MIT and Harvard across the river. Then there's small details of the rest of the world. The Berkshires, San Francisco and the Pacific Ocean. Hopkinton (where I live) is often called "Western Mass" by Bostonians, even though thousands of people travel on foot from there into Boston every April. I've had Craigslist buyers ask what exit of 128 they should take to get to my house because......well.....that's the edge of the Western Frontier.

This very well may be the syndrome. I mean....come on. Braintree to Medfield? On a Sunday without traffic, that's quicker than getting into Back Bay.

I really feel this is the problem you've run into. Nothing to do with distance. Everything to do with perception. Perhaps your family will buy you a house in Newton?
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ohai
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by ohai »

Plus, OP has a reason to live where he wants - schools, commute, etc. If the parents think it's far from where they live, do they have a good reason to not move closer themselves?
pmr2017
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by pmr2017 »

Coltrane75 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 11:58 am Hello Everyone:
I've been reading this forum for years and have learned so much so would like to get ask a question; more personal/family related than financial.

My wife and I currently own a condo in downtown Boston and are looking to move to the burbs to raise a family. We've spent a lot of time over the past year researching towns to whittle it down to a few we want; our most important criteria were that it fit in our budget, had a great school system, and was near major highways or commuter rails. I'll spare you all the details but we are looking in Medfield, Acton and Hopkinton.

Now that we have just started to look a couple of weeks ago, we are getting flack from each of our parents for our town choices. My wife's parents lives in the city of Boston while my parents live in Braintree. They both want us to move much closer to them and think we are putting too much emphasis on the quality of the school district, etc.

While I understand there is a good bit of subjectivity around house hunting criteria, the annoyance for me is that we are moving at most about 40 miles from my parents; who are older than my wife's. However, they are in their late 70s and have become accustomed to not driving much; they often rely on carpooling with relatives. Even though they have a car with built in navigation; they really don't like venturing too far or to new locations. They are healthy still.

Just for a sanity check, has anyone gone through this before? I really don't feel like we are "abandoning" our parents by moving 30-40 miles away, we are still in state. Am I overlooking something? We don't yet have kids so I could be not realizing something.

Thanks!
You're not abandoning your parents at all. You're staying in the Boston metro area, not moving to Seattle. If you intend on having kids, it makes sense to put an emphasis on the school system of the town you want to buy in. Even if you intend on putting your kids in private schools, buying in a town with a good school system helps with resale values.

Have you thought about a town like Canton? Close to Braintree and Boston, sits at the junction of 93 and 95 and has multiple commuter rail stops plus a pretty good school system. Short drive into Boston, close to Legacy Place and Patriot Place too.
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RickBoglehead
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by RickBoglehead »

Ignore family pressure. Move out of state if it keeps up. :D
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stoptothink
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by stoptothink »

ohai wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:07 pm I live 15000 miles from my parents, so 40 miles is pretty close. Anyway, it's not up to them. They just need to get used to whatever you decide.
We're ~15 miles from mine and ~10 miles from hers...but they both moved closer to us (in fact, in-laws initially moved in with us). We had all kinds of input from both sides, mostly that we weren't buying enough house and that we'd regret not getting a big yard for the kids. My response: if you plan on paying the mortgage, your opinion will be given some merit. End of story.
gtg970g
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by gtg970g »

If a kid will fit in your condo I would second the idea of waiting to move. Your kid won't be in public school until age 4 or 5 so that gives you some time to feel out where you may want to move. We live half a mile from my wife's parents and 2 miles from my mom and it has been great for us but I realize this is not for everyone. The kids have a very close relationship with all grandparents, something they would not have if we lived even 30 minutes away. We are fortunate in that we do live in one of the best school districts in the metro area and we have short to moderate commutes to our jobs. If our commutes were awful or public school options poor we would live elsewhere and I'm pretty sure the grandparents would be understanding.
Dottie57
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Dottie57 »

stoptothink wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:42 pm
ohai wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:07 pm I live 15000 miles from my parents, so 40 miles is pretty close. Anyway, it's not up to them. They just need to get used to whatever you decide.
We're ~15 miles from mine and ~10 miles from hers...but they both moved closer to us (in fact, in-laws initially moved in with us). We had all kinds of input from both sides, mostly that we weren't buying enough house and that we'd regret not getting a big yard for the kids. My response: if you plan on paying the mortgage, your opinion will be given some merit. End of story.
Good point. And not everything has to be about the kids. Sounds heinous to many, but it is true.
Afty
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Afty »

I agree with the advice to have the kid(s) first before moving to the suburbs. Your opinions on things might change. For example, having parents close enough by to babysit is a huge positive. Maybe they would even be willing to take care of the kids instead of sending them to daycare, which would be amazing. It's also possible that they're not interested in that, or they think they would be interested now but it'll be a different story once the kid arrives.

We used to live in Somerville and had our first child while living in a 2-bedroom condo there. It was totally fine. We did end up moving but not until our daughter was 1 year old.
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celia
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by celia »

As an older retired Boglehead with adult children and parents in their 90s, I sympathize with your parents. They will not be getting younger, their health will only decline, and where will you be when they need rides to the doctors or to pick up their meds? Even you will start to worry about them as they become more dependent on you. As your range of geography expands, theirs is shrinking. (We now walk to many places we need to go.) Have you considered buying a house with an extra (guest) room where they could move in with you, if need be, for their final years? Do the parents have other children who live close to them?

I'm glad we've lived only 3 miles from my parents and an hour from DH's. Our kids really got to know their grandparents, could be dropped off there if they woke up sick on a school day, or an emergency prevented us from picking them up on time from the after-school program. So, maybe you should also think of bonding with relatives as important as a good school system.

Another way to look at it is do you plan to "be there" for your parents as well as have them "be there" for your future kids?
birdy
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by birdy »

Everyone has their own idea of an ideal location to live. Mine were decent weather (not much snow), low cost of living, affordable housing and close to an international airport. I live in Texas and my parents and sister live in Washington State. I don't see them often but we talk on the phone weekly. I actually had a lot of friends who tried to tell us we need to move after retirement. My question was why? We certainly don't need a larger house (also don't need anything smaller). We travel internationally for pleasure (none of the relatives want to travel with us). Only you can decide what feels like "home" to you.

birdy
TropikThunder
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by TropikThunder »

Wherever you go you’ll be “disappointing” one set of parents, might as well not choose sides and “disappoint” both.
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by livesoft »

We didn't go through this, but it looks like an opportunity to get the grandparents to pay for private K-12 school. :)
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ponyboy
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by ponyboy »

I gotta say, I hate DC/NVA...but we did live there for 10 years. 130 miles from both of our parents. That wasnt so bad.

People should get away from their families for a couple years. And no, college does not count. I have so many friends who never left the place we all grew up in. That small town mentality is so sad.
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Coltrane75
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Coltrane75 »

Wow, thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses! I agree with the majority, I think we just need to stick with our plan.

Declining Health:
To answer a few questions by providing more details, I'm an only child, which I think adds a bit to my guilt. As an older boglehead said in this response, their decline in health worries me if I'm a bit far. Perhaps I could take into consideration a home that could allow them to sleep/stay over for awhile? I will say that I regularly visit my parents every week, and I have been doing it for 20 years.

Having Kids in Condo:
Regarding having kids in the condo; we are in an 800 sq ft 1 bedroom that is already getting really stuffed with things. I think we're really starting to feel like we are outgrowing it a bit. I would be more patient to stay, but my wife is itchier to get to a house.

Risk of Not Being Able to Have Kids:
As others have said, my wife is worried about how long it would take to get, if possible, pregnant. We've discussed the risk of not being able to have kids if we bought a house. We are ok with that risk. If after several years we can't do it, we'll, I guess that's life and we'll figure things out from there.

Daycare:
My wife plans on quitting soon to stay at home to be a mom. We will probably be a one income houshold indefintely. She has a small side gig with clothing that she'll run out the house. So for now, becaues of that and my parents age, I really don't want to burden my parents with this task.
Jags4186
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Jags4186 »

If the parents want to give you money to fund the purchase then they get to give input that you should consider. If the parents aren't giving you money than they get to give you input that you need not consider.
oldfatguy
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by oldfatguy »

Jags4186 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 2:09 pm If the parents want to give you money to fund the purchase then they get to give input that you should consider.
And if they offer, say "No!"
MathWizard
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by MathWizard »

Your family (wife and future children) count more than your parents.
I say that as the parent.

I like having kids close (close means 2 hours drive away), but if they need to move for themselves or
their future families that is up to them.

My wife an I never got flak for moving 8 hours away.

Think about my grandmother who came from Norway and never went back, or any of
the pioneers who left their lives back east to move out west.

As a person from your parent's generation, I think they are being selfish if they are putting a burden on you
about moving. It is you and your wife's decision, end of discussion.

Now, if you expect them to commute 40 miles to babysit, that is another matter.

By the way, did your parents always live closer than 40 miles from both sets of their parents? If not,
they certainly have nothing to complain about.
Jack FFR1846
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Jack FFR1846 »

celia wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:31 pm As an older retired Boglehead with adult children and parents in their 90s, I sympathize with your parents. They will not be getting younger, their health will only decline, and where will you be when they need rides to the doctors or to pick up their meds?
Medfield is only 18 miles from Braintree, where his parents live. Her parents live in Boston, 11 miles from Braintree. With traffic, in the middle of the afternoon, driving from Boston into Braintree could take 45 minutes. In most of Mass, meds can be either mail order delivered or can be delivered by many pharmacies. Uber and taxis are pretty abundant in metro Boston.

They are concerned with schools. From their list, Hopkinton lists 6th in the state, Medfield, 20th, Acton/Boxborough, 30th and Braintree, 110th.

https://www.usnews.com/education/best-h ... s/rankings
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fru-gal
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by fru-gal »

celia wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:31 pm As an older retired Boglehead with adult children and parents in their 90s, I sympathize with your parents. They will not be getting younger, their health will only decline, and where will you be when they need rides to the doctors or to pick up their meds? Even you will start to worry about them as they become more dependent on you. As your range of geography expands, theirs is shrinking. (We now walk to many places we need to go.) Have you considered buying a house with an extra (guest) room where they could move in with you, if need be, for their final years? Do the parents have other children who live close to them?

I'm glad we've lived only 3 miles from my parents and an hour from DH's. Our kids really got to know their grandparents, could be dropped off there if they woke up sick on a school day, or an emergency prevented us from picking them up on time from the after-school program. So, maybe you should also think of bonding with relatives as important as a good school system.

Another way to look at it is do you plan to "be there" for your parents as well as have them "be there" for your future kids?
This. Plus I am very close to my mother's family because we lived close to them. I regret not knowing my father's family better. They lived in a neighboring state. 30-40 miles is very different from a few blocks or 1-2 miles.
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galving
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by galving »

We have a strict rule on family. No family within a 1000 miles. (Its been in place since 2004.)

Decide within your immediate family what your needs are and then go execute.
There's no reason to add constraints to the process.

Totally recognize that 30-40 miles can mean more than an hour drive in that area of the country.
This means your still very close to be able to support both sets of parents.

Good luck!
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by bloom2708 »

How often do you visit? 40 miles in Boston metro may feel like 100.

I live ~40 miles from my aging parents. It is a rural/2 lane highway drive. I can do it in 45 minutes or so.

I wish they were closer as it 90 minutes of driving for a 2 or 3 hour visit. My wif'e's dad lives about 10 minutes away. Much easier to pop over for an hour visit.

We can't answer this for you. The potential new house might be too far away or too close.
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by goblue100 »

ohai wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:07 pm I live 15000 miles from my parents, so 40 miles is pretty close. Anyway, it's not up to them. They just need to get used to whatever you decide.
I agree. I moved 1200 miles away when I was 20. Your life, your decisions.
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bluebolt
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by bluebolt »

Coltrane75 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 2:02 pm Having Kids in Condo:
Regarding having kids in the condo; we are in an 800 sq ft 1 bedroom that is already getting really stuffed with things. I think we're really starting to feel like we are outgrowing it a bit. I would be more patient to stay, but my wife is itchier to get to a house.

Daycare:
My wife plans on quitting soon to stay at home to be a mom. We will probably be a one income houshold indefintely. She has a small side gig with clothing that she'll run out the house. So for now, becaues of that and my parents age, I really don't want to burden my parents with this task.
I will repeat what others have said. There are huge advantages to waiting until you have a child to buy a house. Your considerations will be very different once you have children. When they are younger than one or two, they don't take up much space and you generally want them close.

I understand that your wife plans to be a SAHM, but, again, the situation can change once you have a child and experience it day to day. Not saying that she will change her mind, but that's a judgment best left until you are actually a parent.
delamer
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by delamer »

My kids attended a public, non-magnet high school that was ranked in the 100 in the US.

They were solid students in a school filled with kids (and families) that saw a B as a failure. It wasn’t a good fit.

As another poster said, I wouldn’t buy a house in an area with underperforming schools. But if I had to did it over again, I’d go for above average rather than outstanding.

It’s hard to think about the issue objectively for yet unborn kids, but that’s my perspective.

But in any case, you need to make decisions based on what you and your wife agree is important.

Many older people dislike change and become more self-centered, and that’s what you are running into with both sets of parents. Now matter how sympathetic you might be, you can’t let that dictate how you live your life.
Dottie57
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Dottie57 »

Coltrane75 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 2:02 pm Wow, thanks everyone for your thoughtful responses! I agree with the majority, I think we just need to stick with our plan.

Declining Health:
To answer a few questions by providing more details, I'm an only child, which I think adds a bit to my guilt. As an older boglehead said in this response, their decline in health worries me if I'm a bit far. Perhaps I could take into consideration a home that could allow them to sleep/stay over for awhile? I will say that I regularly visit my parents every week, and I have been doing it for 20 years.

Having Kids in Condo:
Regarding having kids in the condo; we are in an 800 sq ft 1 bedroom that is already getting really stuffed with things. I think we're really starting to feel like we are outgrowing it a bit. I would be more patient to stay, but my wife is itchier to get to a house.

Risk of Not Being Able to Have Kids:
As others have said, my wife is worried about how long it would take to get, if possible, pregnant. We've discussed the risk of not being able to have kids if we bought a house. We are ok with that risk. If after several years we can't do it, we'll, I guess that's life and we'll figure things out from there.

Daycare:
My wife plans on quitting soon to stay at home to be a mom. We will probably be a one income houshold indefintely. She has a small side gig with clothing that she'll run out the house. So for now, becaues of that and my parents age, I really don't want to burden my parents with this task.
As a fellow condo owner, the solution to feeling cramped is to get rid of stuff! When you have kds you will really, really need to keep stuff at bay. It is hard to see friends crowd their homes with stuff they se infrequently.
Hockey10
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Hockey10 »

When I was your age, I never even thought about the health of my parents or my wife’s parents. Then, in a span of 12 months, two of the four passed away, and another one started having serious health issues. In the middle of that, our first child was born. The fourth parent moved in with us. We instantly became members of the sandwich generation. Over the next 17 years, we devoted a lot of time to caring for our surviving parents until they each passed away, while raising our kids.

As I look back on it now, being there to take care of aging parents in poor health was one of the most important things my wife and I have ever done.
HomeStretch
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by HomeStretch »

Where to live is your and your spouse’s decision. No one else’s. Listen to the advice from both sets of parents, push back on any guilt trips and then make your own decision. Consider not over-sharing about the house-hunting process so as not to invite discussion and opinions from others.

Quality of schools, kid-friendly neighborhoods and short work commutes are all important.

That said, a 40-50 mile distance from parents will absolutely make a difference in the amount of time you all spend together. Especially as your parents age and need more help from you. You may not be able to see right now how much help they may need in just a few years.
Isabelle77
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Isabelle77 »

Hockey10 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 4:42 pm When I was your age, I never even thought about the health of my parents or my wife’s parents. Then, in a span of 12 months, two of the four passed away, and another one started having serious health issues. In the middle of that, our first child was born. The fourth parent moved in with us. We instantly became members of the sandwich generation. Over the next 17 years, we devoted a lot of time to caring for our surviving parents until they each passed away, while raising our kids.

As I look back on it now, being there to take care of aging parents in poor health was one of the most important things my wife and I have ever done.
Guys, it’s a 30 minute drive. I live in Medfield and drive farther than that for my son’s sports 4x a week. My husband works in Newton which is often farther. Living in the burbs isn’t going to prevent the OP from helping out his parents or in-laws as they age. Especially if he works in Boston! And if they need to move in with him, the houses are bigger out here.
Topic Author
Coltrane75
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Coltrane75 »

MathWizard wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 2:11 pm Now, if you expect them to commute 40 miles to babysit, that is another matter.

By the way, did your parents always live closer than 40 miles from both sets of their parents? If not,
they certainly have nothing to complain about.
Hi Math Wizard,
Those are good points. We don't expect my parents to babysit because of their age and the distance.
My wife's parents lived within Boston where both their parents lived. On the other hand, my dad left his country so he was 2000+ miles from them, while they lived in Braintree the same town as my mom's parents.

Both sides of the family have the vast majority of their relatives within 10-15 miles of eachother. Additionally, they always go out and about to the same locations for work/recreation within their small radius (young or old). So its kind of a provincial/townie(?) thing I guess.
Topic Author
Coltrane75
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Coltrane75 »

Isabelle77 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 5:37 pm
Hockey10 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 4:42 pm When I was your age, I never even thought about the health of my parents or my wife’s parents. Then, in a span of 12 months, two of the four passed away, and another one started having serious health issues. In the middle of that, our first child was born. The fourth parent moved in with us. We instantly became members of the sandwich generation. Over the next 17 years, we devoted a lot of time to caring for our surviving parents until they each passed away, while raising our kids.

As I look back on it now, being there to take care of aging parents in poor health was one of the most important things my wife and I have ever done.
Guys, it’s a 30 minute drive. I live in Medfield and drive farther than that for my son’s sports 4x a week. My husband works in Newton which is often farther. Living in the burbs isn’t going to prevent the OP from helping out his parents or in-laws as they age. Especially if he works in Boston! And if they need to move in with him, the houses are bigger out here.
Isabelle77, thanks so much for your posts. Is it ok if I PM you with questions about Medfield?
Thanks!
Isabelle77
Posts: 634
Joined: Thu Dec 17, 2015 1:43 pm

Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Isabelle77 »

Coltrane75 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 5:53 pm
Isabelle77 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 5:37 pm
Hockey10 wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 4:42 pm When I was your age, I never even thought about the health of my parents or my wife’s parents. Then, in a span of 12 months, two of the four passed away, and another one started having serious health issues. In the middle of that, our first child was born. The fourth parent moved in with us. We instantly became members of the sandwich generation. Over the next 17 years, we devoted a lot of time to caring for our surviving parents until they each passed away, while raising our kids.

As I look back on it now, being there to take care of aging parents in poor health was one of the most important things my wife and I have ever done.
Guys, it’s a 30 minute drive. I live in Medfield and drive farther than that for my son’s sports 4x a week. My husband works in Newton which is often farther. Living in the burbs isn’t going to prevent the OP from helping out his parents or in-laws as they age. Especially if he works in Boston! And if they need to move in with him, the houses are bigger out here.
Isabelle77, thanks so much for your posts. Is it ok if I PM you with questions about Medfield?
Thanks!
Totally!
Jack FFR1846
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by Jack FFR1846 »

800 square feet is actually not small. Our first house was an 850 square foot ranch in Ashland, one town closer to Boston from Hopkinton. If it's feeling squished because you have too much stuff, craigslist is your friend. Our second house, now that I think of it was also about 800 square feet down in Blacksburg, Virginia. We did not have kids in either house.
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BarbBrooklyn
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by BarbBrooklyn »

RickBoglehead wrote: Fri Jan 10, 2020 12:42 pm Ignore family pressure. Move out of state if it keeps up. :D
In the big picture, just remember that your primary obligations in life are to your (eventual) minor children and your spouse.

I hope that your parents have made good plans for their retirement and don't think of you adult children as "the plan".

It is lovely if they want to be close by so they can visit, but that in no way means that you need to plan your lives around their geographical preferences, unless you plan to rely upon them for childcare.
BarbBrooklyn | "The enemy of a good plan is the dream of a perfect plan."
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Re: House Hunting with Family Pressure

Post by LadyGeek »

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