How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

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Stef
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How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Stef » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:19 pm

Dear Bogleheads community

I'm not really talking about investments. More about fines, legal cases, accidents, buying the wrong thing etc. To give some examples: I had a minor car accident 1 year ago for example, total costs for me were close to 3000$. It was just pure stupidity und totally unnecessary. It took me literally months to get in a state of "I don't care anymore, forget it". Last month I had a problem with a iPhone X 256GB that I sold and the warranty (wrong serial number on the receipt from almost 2 years ago, not really my mistake). In short: the place where I bought it refused the warranty (I was discussing the case over a span of 2 weeks) and I just ended up paying 700$ to the buyer because he threatened to sue me for fraud. Just wanted it solved.

I don't know why, but I find it extremely hard to forget it and just leave it in the past. Are those things that my emergency fund should cover anyway? I would rather have invested it! Could you share a story and how you managed to just forget it?

Thanks in advance for making me feel better :D

HEDGEFUNDIE
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by HEDGEFUNDIE » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:20 pm

Cost of living

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by hicabob » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:26 pm

I try to put it on the stack of "lessons learned".

py2o3434
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by py2o3434 » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:27 pm

Don't repeat the same mistakes...Life lesson and move on.

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Nicolas
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Nicolas » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:28 pm

These unpleasant episodes will fade into the past given enough time, in my experience, like any regret. Time heals all. Just try your best to learn from them and to not repeat them.
When you haven't got the coin you're always in the way — Geo. M. Cohan

riverbluff
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by riverbluff » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:29 pm

Make the decision that when you are concisely aware that you are thinking about it excessively, that it is in the past and continuing to think about it further won't do yourself any good. Make sure you learn from the mistake though.

chevca
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by chevca » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:35 pm

Just get married and divorced a couple times. Everything else you bring up seems VERY minor then. :happy

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by sailaway » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:39 pm

I get really frustrated for a while, then move on. If I can't let it go, I usually know there is something bigger going on that I haven't put my finger on. I am especially hard on myself just before I come down with a cold. I am klutzy and stupid for 24 hours before the sniffles start.

I misread the terms of transferring miles from my account to my husband. It cost way more than it has any reason to and is not reversible. I should have read the terms more closely before hitting submit. Right up until the last page, it read as if we were transferring a certain value for a nominal charge, rather than being charged a couple hundred dollars. Having read the earlier pages, I hit submit too quickly on the last page, where the total being charged to the card was actually shown. I noticed it as it flashed to the next page, too late I called the airline and they just noped me. We got the CC to cancel the charges and the airline just resubmitted. To add insult to injury, we double checked one more airport option before getting the final tickets and ended up saving more than we had transferred, so we didn't need any of the transferred miles to complete our transaction. It really sucks and leaves a bad feeling as to customer service, but in the grand scheme of things, it won't break us. Even if we add that to the price of our tickets, we got great deals for everything next year and will be spending less than usual with an extra trip. Not worth beating myself up over.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Sandtrap » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:43 pm

Actionably:

Be financially vigilant.
Avoid financial, personal, and health, "black swans" that can be avoided.
IE: bad business, poor lifestyle, addictions, compromised relationships.
Be financially savvy . . . or be cheated, embezzled, or litigated to the tune of millions of dollars. :shock:

Know the rules in the game of life, finances, and relationships.

j :happy
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Carefreeap » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm

Sandtrap wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:43 pm
Actionably:



Know the rules in the game of ...relationships.

j :happy
I'd really like to find the handbook on this. :wink:
Every day I can hike is a good day.

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm

I call it my "Stupid tax" and try to learn better methods for tax avoidance.

Speeding tickets have always been #1 on my Stupid tax hit parade.

the way
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by the way » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:50 pm

Stef wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:19 pm
I don't know why, but I find it extremely hard to forget it and just leave it in the past. Are those things that my emergency fund should cover anyway? I would rather have invested it! Could you share a story and how you managed to just forget it?

Thanks in advance for making me feel better :D
Forget it and use that mental energy to make money somewhere else to make up for the loss.

Even easier, do a bank or CC bonus and call it even.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Wannaretireearly » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:56 pm

chevca wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:35 pm
Just get married and divorced a couple times. Everything else you bring up seems VERY minor then. :happy
Ha. Scale of the problem helps.
Look around you, first world country, earning mega bucks likely, investing wisely which covers most stupid mistakes. Try not to make same mistake again? Yup.
Also, I mentally weigh the bad with the good.
Buy Low, Sell High

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by KlangFool » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:57 pm

OP,

1) My 49 years old ex-worker died suddenly during X'mas day after a fall. So, pardon me if I do not think that losing some money over some mistake is a big deal. We are only human. Making mistakes is what we do.

2) I know that I am stupid. So, it helps tremendously when I make a mistake. I am just being me.

KlangFool

medic
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by medic » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:05 pm

Doom&Gloom wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm
Speeding tickets have always been #1 on my Stupid tax hit parade.
I had an econ professor in college that felt this way until she calculated the "cost" of the tickets. It was advantageous for her to speed and just pay the fine for when she was occasionally caught than to drive the speed limit daily and eat that non-productive time.

KlangFool
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by KlangFool » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:07 pm

OP,

I gambled on Telecom stock and lost 50% of my whole life savings 10+ years ago. My loss was so huge that it took 10+ years to write off all the losses. It took many years for me to accept the fact that I know nothing. And, this was the price that I paid for not knowing that I know nothing.

My family member lost 10 million during Telecom bust too. He was a Wall Street veteran. He knew nothing too.

KlangFool

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Normchad » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:10 pm

Are you upset about the money, or are you upset about the mental process that led to the loss?

I’ve been trying for a long time to stop caring about money, and I’m getting there. But I do still get tweaked about some of these things. Nuisance medical bills are my weakness. They infuriate me and stress me out. I hate dealing with them, calling to straighten them out, etc. eventually, I just write the check to remove that stress from my life. In these cases, I don’t care about the money, but I’m still mad. I feel like they e gotten one over on me.

I don’t get many speeding tickets, but when I do, I’m totally cool with it. I call the the “rapid drivers tax.”

So for me, if I make a well thought out decision, based on sound reasoning and facts, I don’t get mad if it turns out badly. On the other hand, if it turns out badly and I later realize that I made a mental error in my reasoning, that really bums me out.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by catdude » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:23 pm

medic wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:05 pm
Doom&Gloom wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm
Speeding tickets have always been #1 on my Stupid tax hit parade.
I had an econ professor in college that felt this way until she calculated the "cost" of the tickets. It was advantageous for her to speed and just pay the fine for when she was occasionally caught than to drive the speed limit daily and eat that non-productive time.
I think her calculation was a bit inadequate. If she was speeding in a school zone and hit a couple kiddos, the fine she paid would've been the least of her problems....
catdude | | "I yield to the gentleman for a few feeble remarks." (Congressman Thaddeus Stevens)

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Kenkat » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:39 pm

I think it’s having perspective.

Someone today lost a loved one to an accident, violence, sickness, whatever.

Someone today found out they have terminal cancer.

Someone today lost everything they own - in a fire, in an earthquake, etc.

If something happens to me that is just a little money lost or if i can spend a little money and make a problem go away? I’m good.

If I have a warm place to sleep tonight, have enough to eat, don’t have to fear violence or being pulled out of my house in the middle of the night? I’m blessed.

I could go on and on. It’s just a little money. It’s not important and if we’re lucky, we won’t have to have something far more serious happen to remind us of that.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by yangtui » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:45 pm

Losing is part of life. The goal is to learn from the loss. Overtime you should make fewer and fewer unforced errors. Also, the dollar sign goes before the amount, not after.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by BolderBoy » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:53 pm

Stef wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:19 pm
Could you share a story and how you managed to just forget it?
Until you can truly feel that you "did all you could do" about a situation, you'll be kicking yourself.

I had an old professor who loved to reiterate, "Take care of the little things and the big things will take care of themselves." He was right.

Start paying strict attention to details and everything else will fall into place. Then you'll be able to forgive yourself and move on.
"Never underestimate one's capacity to overestimate one's abilities" - The Dunning-Kruger Effect

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Sandtrap » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:56 pm

Carefreeap wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm
Sandtrap wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:43 pm
Actionably:



Know the rules in the game of ...relationships.

j :happy
I'd really like to find the handbook on this. :wink:
"Life Code" by Dr. Phil (concise blunt presentation of who and what is toxic, and how to recognize and avoid)
Acronym = BAITERS

"Life Strategies" by Dr. Phil

j :happy
Wiki Bogleheads Wiki: Everything You Need to Know

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Nicolas
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Nicolas » Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:59 pm

catdude wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:23 pm
medic wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:05 pm
Doom&Gloom wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm
Speeding tickets have always been #1 on my Stupid tax hit parade.
I had an econ professor in college that felt this way until she calculated the "cost" of the tickets. It was advantageous for her to speed and just pay the fine for when she was occasionally caught than to drive the speed limit daily and eat that non-productive time.
I think her calculation was a bit inadequate. If she was speeding in a school zone and hit a couple kiddos, the fine she paid would've been the least of her problems....
+1. My last speeding ticket was in 1978. I’m careful to obey the speed limit.
Last edited by Nicolas on Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
When you haven't got the coin you're always in the way — Geo. M. Cohan

Compound
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Compound » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:00 pm

KlangFool wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:57 pm
I know that I am stupid. So, it helps tremendously when I make a mistake. I am just being me.

KlangFool
100% agreed KlangFool.

To err is human. Some days I feel human. Other days I feel really really human.

ThankYouJack
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by ThankYouJack » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:04 pm

catdude wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:23 pm
medic wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:05 pm
Doom&Gloom wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm
Speeding tickets have always been #1 on my Stupid tax hit parade.
I had an econ professor in college that felt this way until she calculated the "cost" of the tickets. It was advantageous for her to speed and just pay the fine for when she was occasionally caught than to drive the speed limit daily and eat that non-productive time.
I think her calculation was a bit inadequate. If she was speeding in a school zone and hit a couple kiddos, the fine she paid would've been the least of her problems....

This reminds of my law professor who talked about worst case scenarios with a car accident. One scenario was speeding and being at fault causing a young brain surgeon to become paraplegic. If I remember correctly you’d get sued for millions, have wages garnished, possessions would be at risk...

BogleWogle
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by BogleWogle » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:11 pm

A couple of quotes that come to mind on this topic... apply to all losses

1. Don’t waste today, hoping for a better yesterday

2. Serenity Prayer: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference

If you can’t change it, accept it and move on :sharebeer

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by JediMisty » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:21 pm

Kenkat wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:39 pm
I think it’s having perspective.

Someone today lost a loved one to an accident, violence, sickness, whatever.

Someone today found out they have terminal cancer.

Someone today lost everything they own - in a fire, in an earthquake, etc.

If something happens to me that is just a little money lost or if i can spend a little money and make a problem go away? I’m good.

If I have a warm place to sleep tonight, have enough to eat, don’t have to fear violence or being pulled out of my house in the middle of the night? I’m blessed.

I could go on and on. It’s just a little money. It’s not important and if we’re lucky, we won’t have to have something far more serious happen to remind us of that.
This sort of calm perspective is what I try to remember. It's easy for me to obsess over small details. There are so many of my friends and loved ones in my age group in poor health or already dead. I try to remember that stupid things like overpriced airline tickets or forgetting to apply a discount is just noise. Admittedly I sometimes fail, but that's the strategy.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Texas50 » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:24 pm

I just think of it as paying the life tax.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by sambb » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:26 pm

meet savings goal, and make enough that these things dont matter. Asset allocation mistakes are far worse than these things.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by unclescrooge » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:42 pm

py2o3434 wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:27 pm
Don't repeat the same mistakes...Life lesson and move on.
Yes, but there are so many one-off issues that are annoying.

I bought $3k worth of closets from Ikea. I got them delivered but they didn't ship about $400 worth of shelves. I should have refused the entire delivery but instead noted the missing pieces on the invoice and signed it. I thought Ikea wouldn't screw me over a pieces of shelving.

Calls and emails went unanswered for months. Credit card complaint also went nowhere because I missed a mail that said the letter would be deemed resolved unless I write back disputing it.

I went to the store to complain, after spending 45 minutes in line with two crying toddlers I threw in the towel and just decided to eat the expense.

Most of the issues that about me are things over which I have no control. If they are my mistakes, it's easier to own them and move on.
Last edited by unclescrooge on Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Freetime76 » Wed Jan 08, 2020 8:50 pm

OP: This was once said with love to me, and I pass it to you: :D , who are you to think you will not ever make a mistake or can be careful enough to prevent a failure? It is hubris to think you will not screw up ever.

:wink: C’mon...any issue that starts with “My iPhone...” - I just can’t feel sorry for the person. :wink:

When I’m bummed out, and knowing in my head (or on a spreadsheet) that I don’t have any real problems...doesn’t fix how my heart feels, I go to a gratitude journal and start writing what I am so glad for what I do have.

Health is the most important thing you have. Not a few dollars saved being perfect, which no one ever is, of course.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by abuss368 » Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:01 pm

Brought home a $200 visa gift card last year. Spouse thought it was junk mail and threw it out.

Lesson learned.
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by manatee2005 » Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:05 pm

chevca wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:35 pm
Just get married and divorced a couple times. Everything else you bring up seems VERY minor then. :happy
It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all :happy

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by whodidntante » Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:23 pm

You say "nice call" and move on to the next hand.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Freetime76 » Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:25 pm

Since were having confession :beer -
- I paid an hvac guy about $130 to tell me our furnace was perfectly fine. Hey, I smelled propane!
- Bought a car for 30K and sold back to dealer a relatively few years later for about $12K. After buying new snow tires. Hey, we were in a pinch. Stef, that’s about $20,000 gone “poof”. Ouch. Not doing that again!
- Messed up the Schwab account designations for a retirement rollover, which sucked up an inordinate amount of time and was totally frustrating to sort out. :oops:

Woulda-coulda-shoulda. No point in regrets - we do the best we can at the time. We’re all much smarter when we look in hindsight. If all else fails, tell the voice in your head that’s castigating you to be quiet. Say it out loud :happy - be a good friend to yourself.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by harrychan » Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:39 pm

I had the same problem where mistakes that cost money would linger for days and weeks. I'm now better at not dwelling on the financial loss by doing two things. First, I think of all the times I've saved money due to my decisions or actions. When focusing on those, the losses will be pale in comparison. Second, I am in firm belief that if I have a problem that can be solved by money, solve it. Many people have problems that can't be solved by money and I will take the former any day.
This is not legal or certified financial advice but you know that already.

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Stef
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Stef » Thu Jan 09, 2020 3:14 am

Thanks for all the replys. I have to agree. Problems that can be solved with money aren't real problems.

Helped me a lot to just move on.

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Stinky
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Stinky » Thu Jan 09, 2020 5:57 am

You can’t change the past. No matter how hard you try. And fretting about past mistakes will just give you ulcers.

But you can, and should, learn from the past, to avoid future mistakes.
It's a GREAT day to be alive - Travis Tritt

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by goblue100 » Thu Jan 09, 2020 7:29 am

Stef wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 3:14 am
Thanks for all the replys. I have to agree. Problems that can be solved with money aren't real problems.

Helped me a lot to just move on.
Hopefully the mistakes are not that frequent. I rear ended a car a couple of years ago, it was my fault even though they were doing something stupid. It helped me to move to realize no one got too hurt, thanks to seat belts and air bags. As someone else said, life happens. Don't be too hard on yourself, unless you deserve it! :)
Financial planners are savers. They want us to be 95 percent confident we can finance a 30-year retirement even though there is an 82 percent probability of being dead by then. - Scott Burns

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by CyclingDuo » Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:20 am

Stef wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:19 pm
I'm not really talking about investments. More about fines, legal cases, accidents, buying the wrong thing etc.

Could you share a story and how you managed to just forget it?
Sure.

It took me from 2000 until 2018 to overcome a particular math problem that I always had. What was the problem?

As a cyclist, the math problem joke is always trying to figure out the equation of how many bikes to own. It goes like this...

The correct number of bikes to own is n+1.

While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned.

This equation, as I learned, may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner. :mrgreen:

After reaching a level of n+1 adding up to 15 bicycles, I am proud to say that the past few years resulted in harmonic household progress by utilizing the s-1 equation and trimming down the herd to only 7 bikes in our household (two are my spouse's bikes, and one is my son's bike). So I now only have 4 bikes that I own and ride - which is 1 bike above the required minimum number of bikes a true cyclist should own. 8-)

You don't want to even know the $$ amounts involved, but suffice it to say your car accident and iPhone loss combined would just about cover the cost of one bike that meets my tastes. :beer
"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." ~ Steven Wright

njuser
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by njuser » Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:37 am

My first big mistake was Lucent stock. Lost 3K and it made me physically ill for about a year. That cured me of being a stock trader so it actually saved me money in the long run.

I've had other, bigger losses, but this one affected me the most because I felt 'stupid'. It happens to everyone, but people prefer to talk about the wins. Life is long and rocky, if you're lucky. Don't be too hard on yourself but learn from what you did. Many people don't.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by mak1277 » Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:50 am

whodidntante wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 9:23 pm
You say "nice call" and move on to the next hand.
When I played a lot of poker in my younger days, it helped me to think of it as one long, continuous game. Losing money in one session of play was irrelevant, because I was a profitable player over the long run (several years). Life is like that. As long as you're profitable/healthy/happy/whatever over the long run, don't dwell unnecessarily on a minor setback or loss.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Quercus Palustris » Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:53 am

CyclingDuo wrote:
Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:20 am
While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned.

This equation, as I learned, may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner. :mrgreen:
Brilliant! Unfortunately for me, 's' also == 3, so the Mtb will go, along with my dreams of a single speed. :(

Stef, what helps for me is to remind myself that I have my health, am well employed, and that if you're lucky enough to have those two things, in time - whether short or long, you can make back the money.
Last edited by Quercus Palustris on Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Dottie57 » Thu Jan 09, 2020 8:54 am

Nicolas wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:59 pm
catdude wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:23 pm
medic wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 7:05 pm
Doom&Gloom wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm
Speeding tickets have always been #1 on my Stupid tax hit parade.
I had an econ professor in college that felt this way until she calculated the "cost" of the tickets. It was advantageous for her to speed and just pay the fine for when she was occasionally caught than to drive the speed limit daily and eat that non-productive time.
I think her calculation was a bit inadequate. If she was speeding in a school zone and hit a couple kiddos, the fine she paid would've been the least of her problems....
+1. My last speeding ticket was in 1978. I’m careful to obey the speed limit.
Auto insurance companies check for tickets and if found insurance goes up. Too many tickets and a license can be pulled. Bet the Econ professor wasn’t too savvy in their cost analysis.

MrBeaver
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by MrBeaver » Thu Jan 09, 2020 9:04 am

Stef wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:19 pm
I had a minor car accident 1 year ago ...It took me literally months to get in a state of "I don't care anymore, forget it". Last month I had a problem with a iPhone X 256GB ...I was discussing the case over a span of 2 weeks ...Just wanted it solved.

I don't know why, but I find it extremely hard to forget it and just leave it in the past.
To me, this sounds more like a problem of inefficient use of time - either spending time after the fact, or spending more time than it's worth researching/trying to resolve something that money can resolve. I'm guilty of the same thing though - spent a couple hours researching lights the other night to make a purchasing decision when the delta between the options was probably less than $20 and minimal functional difference.

bo105954027
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by bo105954027 » Thu Jan 09, 2020 11:41 am

Doom&Gloom wrote:
Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:49 pm
I call it my "Stupid tax" and try to learn better methods for tax avoidance.

Speeding tickets have always been #1 on my Stupid tax hit parade.
Believe it or not, I've paid over $2500 of all kinds of tickets for my $7000 worth car this couple of years... speeding (sometimes plus hiring a lawyer), parking, towing, etc. I view it as I'm paying police officers and traffic workers as they may not earn as much as me 8-)
Time in market beats timing the market.

Moneta
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Moneta » Thu Jan 09, 2020 5:14 pm

For me, ruminating over mistakes like this stems from two things: (1) the belief that I should be perfect in order to earn love, and (2) the belief that it's POSSIBLE to be perfect. Both beliefs were instilled in me at a very young age. I have a deep-rooted idea that people CAN be perfect if they just try hard enough, and since I'm not perfect, I must not be trying hard enough, and therefore I must be fundamentally unlovable. Fear of abandonment gets pretty overwhelming if I really let myself feel it without distractions.

I reassure myself with lots of self-talk along the lines of... You're safe now, everything is fine. Yes, you neglected to use $400 of gift certificates to a place and now it's out of business and you are out the money, but you haven't been really harmed. Yes, it's certainly annoying, and I know you wish you had that $400 or the chance to use it up, but you're exactly the same as you were yesterday. Your husband isn't going to LEAVE YOU because of this gift certificate thing. Your kids aren't going to DIE because of it. You can still pay the mortgage and buy food. In the grand scheme of things, losing $400 is really No Big Deal and you are just fine.

If I repeat my good self-talk enough, the panicky, terrified feeling goes away. Therapy helps too.

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btq96r
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by btq96r » Thu Jan 09, 2020 6:21 pm

Depends on the stupid way of losing money. Like anyone else I'm sure, I've run the spectrum.

Letting food go bad because I was too busy/lazy to cook properly...brush it off, things happen. Disastrous relationship with financial impacts galore...an hour of therapy every week for half a year.

The size of the mistake should be proportional to the impact of the lesson it brings. I still repeat that first example from time to time (though I feel bad when it happens), and that second example set me on the financial path I walk today.
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Fractalleaf
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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Fractalleaf » Thu Jan 09, 2020 7:48 pm

You’ve probably had some windfalls in life too, gifts of cash or stocks that went up. Think of the losses as standard deviations on your generally upward mobility (hopefully). You’re on this site learning to be financially savvy, and that puts you at an advantage over the 90% of people who just don’t bother.

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Re: How do you mentally process stupid ways of losing money?

Post by Cycle » Thu Jan 09, 2020 9:25 pm

110 people died today in the US from traffic violence, and BH is talking about the economics of speeding tickets. :oops:

One of the biggest ways one can lose money is thru divorce, so I always remind myself when stuff gets lost or broken or we have to cancel a trip that these are small peanuts and not worth dwelling on.

Also generally being frugal in other areas leaves a reserve for stupid expenses.
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