Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

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joelly
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Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by joelly » Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm

Hi Everyone,

I have asked many questions in the past and I have learnt a lot from all of you. Now I need to impose on you again.

My baby girl is 6 months old and she has been in daycare since she was 4 months old. Her daycare is near my workplace so she commutes with me. Commute is between 1-2 hrs one-way and she is mostly sleeping.

I’m starting a new job and my new boss offers to pay for a full-time nanny so I can work, even from home if necessary. He doesn’t believe in daycare (i.e. full of germs).

My baby girl goes to daycare only 3 days/week from 9 to 3. The rest hubby and I work together looking after her. It’s exhausting between the two of us so a full time nanny would help a great deal. However, I’m not sure I want to give up the daycare because so much benefit I believe for my girl (i.e. socialization and learning to study, STEM curriculum, etc).

How do I tell him this? I don’t want to think that I don’t appreciate his offer.

Thx in advance.

HomeStretch
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by HomeStretch » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:11 pm

Simply say thank you for the offer but that you are going to keep DD at her current daycare for several reasons.

Afty
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by Afty » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:16 pm

That’s quite an offer. I would strongly consider it even though you are happy with your daycare. Another approach might be to have a heart to heart with your boss: “Boss, I really appreciate your generous offer to pay for a nanny for my child. But she is settled in her daycare, and we’re really happy with it. Unfortunately we’re only able to afford to send her 3 days a week. Would it be possible for you to instead pay for full time day care? It would really help me be productive at work, and it would cost half of what a nanny charges.”

FoolMeOnce
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by FoolMeOnce » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:19 pm

That's weird.

Could you ask for a part time nanny for the days you are working from home?

Is there a solution where your kid is not commuting upwards of four hours a day?

IMO
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by IMO » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:25 pm

My kid was 1st in and last out for daycare and it was a constant work battle to even make that work with 2 parents. Kid turned out fine socially. I had nothing against daycare per se, except kids do tend to get sick more often. Then it becomes a nightmare of finding a babysitter.

I think your overestimating what daycare will do for an infant/very young toddler and underestimating the benefit of having a nanny.

Will you kid be involved in sports/activities at a young age? There is good socialization in those things. STEM concerns? Really? Again, I think your overestimating the value of daycare, especially before age 5. I await the Doogie Howser parents to rip that thought apart.

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JonnyDVM
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by JonnyDVM » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:48 pm

Make your life easier. They get plenty of socialization at pre-k onward. Plus nannies generally love taking kids to the park where they can interact with other kids
I’d trade it all for a little more | -C Montgomery Burns

AlohaJoe
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by AlohaJoe » Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:50 pm

joelly wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm
My baby girl is 6 months old

However, I’m not sure I want to give up the daycare because so much benefit I believe for my girl (i.e. socialization and learning to study, STEM curriculum, etc).
Wait, what? What possible STEM curriculum is a 6 month old doing?!?

Katietsu
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by Katietsu » Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:09 am

I would read about early childhood development and talk to people with a nanny. Everyone has a right to how to raise their child. But your reasons seem to involve unconventional thinking. You might find you change your opinion with a little research.

rascott
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by rascott » Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:50 am

We've used a nanny for both of our kids..... the idea of socialization with a baby is kind of absurd, IMO. They have plenty of time for that in preschool, e.t.c.....

You'll have a full time nanny.... part of the job can be taking the baby to local age appropriate socialization events at the library e.t.c.... this amounts to them crawling around on the floor for an hour together a couple days per week. My 4.5 year old did this.... is now in preschool 3 days per week, and is doing great.

This is a fabulous offer and I'd jump all over it. Letting a baby sleep in their own crib, get up when they are ready to, nap when they are ready to, etc...... is such an improvement over a daycare schedule.

Thegame14
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by Thegame14 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:22 am

I would take them up and get the nanny but make sure she has experience in teaching kids not just babysitting.

msk
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by msk » Fri Dec 13, 2019 4:50 am

A good nanny is a godsend! Try recruiting a domestic "helper" who also includes nanny duties. Mums have been doing that for millenia... We raised 4 kids with full-time, live-in maids. The kids turned out great. I can't think of any OTT luxury "want" that competes.

chessknt
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by chessknt » Fri Dec 13, 2019 5:20 am

I love how the commercialization of childcare has deceived people in to thinking it is necessary for child development. Kids are resilient and can be normal (ie not geniuses) if they go to stem daycare from 4 months old until kindergarten, raised by a sah parent, raised by a grandparent, raised in a home with one parent, left at home with poor oversight, etc etc.

If kids were crippled by not being around other kids constantly in a learning environment then we would have obvious evidence of this since plenty of children are raised this way.

Do whatever you feel is the right choice and can live with just check your assumptions about daycare's benefits and see if there is actually any data to back up whatever claims have been thrown out by the providers.

hoffse
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by hoffse » Fri Dec 13, 2019 6:39 am

Kiddo has been in daycare for 2 years now. For the first year I wished we had a nanny because of constant sickness, and I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now at age 2.... I’m glad we didn’t. My kid is developing a pretty astonishing immune system, and he’s now at the age where socialization matters as they learn to take turns, share, etc. There are 3 or 4 kids he loves in particular and talks about them all the time.

The primary benefit of first year daycare to us was having someone knowledgeable encourage us and not treat my kid like a special snowflake. They taught him to feed himself, they weaned him from the paci, cot trained him, and got him on a real nap schedule all during the first year with gentle “I think he’s ready to try X now!” These are all things I would have done later if left to my own devices, but turns out he really WAS ready to do all those things. Plus we got a jump start on that immune system, and we didn’t have a hard time transitioning him as a toddler because it’s what he’s always known.

I think your boss’s offer is nice, though a little weird. It also sounds like you want to keep your daycare. Knowing how hard it is to get into a good daycare you really like (and socialization WILL matter in a year or so), I think you should own your decision to stay in daycare at least part time unapologetically. You are the parent, and whatever this guy feels about daycare is entirely irrelevant to how you parent your kid.

ddurrett896
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by ddurrett896 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:10 am

joelly wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm
I’m starting a new job and my new boss offers to pay for a full-time nanny so I can work, even from home if necessary. He doesn’t believe in daycare (i.e. full of germs).

How do I tell him this? I don’t want to think that I don’t appreciate his offer.
DON'T - take the offer. You can't beat a free nanny!!! I work from home full time and have 2 kids in pre-K and the drop off/pick up still causes conflicts with conference calls or last minute meetings. He's right on germs. I dread my kids coming home sick...one just getting over hand foot and mouth.

Take the nanny for free which saves the daycare money and if you are worried about socializing, use the money you save to treat your girlfriends to an outing with their kids.

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RickBoglehead
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by RickBoglehead » Fri Dec 13, 2019 7:13 am

AlohaJoe wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 11:50 pm
joelly wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm
My baby girl is 6 months old

However, I’m not sure I want to give up the daycare because so much benefit I believe for my girl (i.e. socialization and learning to study, STEM curriculum, etc).
Wait, what? What possible STEM curriculum is a 6 month old doing?!?
This ^^^

A baby should be playing. Period.
Avid user of forums on variety of interests-financial, home brewing, F-150, PHEV, home repair, etc. Enjoy learning & passing on knowledge. It's PRINCIPAL, not PRINCIPLE. I ADVISE you to seek ADVICE.

fourwheelcycle
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by fourwheelcycle » Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:46 am

I have been on the organizing boards for two different daycares in our community - I am a big believer in daycare. Both of our children were in daycare from six months until elementary school. Daycare is great for socialization and germs (maybe the second item is not a plus). However, I also commuted for an hour and a half each way during the first two years of my career, then we moved to our career-long jobs and built a house five minutes from work.

If your job and relations with colleagues can survive working at home I would take your boss's offer, work mostly at home, get a nanny to make your life easier overall, and have the nanny take your child to socialization programs in your local community. You can take your child yourselves on Saturdays (or even on on some weekdays). Two of our grandchildren are being raised at home with minimal daycare. Their parents have found numerous playgroups and organized programs for music, gym, art, and other activities.

Up to six months the playgroups were mostly support groups for moms and babies, but they have continued and now the children are going to each other's birthday parties. The playgroups and other organized programs have provided excellent learning and socialization. The music programs started first, at about six months, the art programs started soon after, and gym began around toddler age. These groups have been supplemented with trips to kids' zoos, nature programs, and science museums.

sailaway
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by sailaway » Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:50 am

This isn't a permanent decision. Hire a nanny now and put the child in preschool later. In the meantime, hire a nanny who knows something about child development.

HomeStretch
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by HomeStretch » Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:53 am

A nanny is great if you can find a trustworthy reliable person to be alone with your child.

But by age 2, IMO my kids were definitely better off in a great daycare center 3 days a week surrounded by friends their own age.

Consider a job closer to home. As your child gets older and enters the school system, your 1-2 hour commute will be more of an issue even if only 3 days a week. It will be difficult to deal with sick days, school events for parents, sports, summer camp schedules, etc.

sg2060
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by sg2060 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:04 am

I would imagine a qualified, full-time nanny would run at least $2,000 a month vs. your paying for daycare. Unless there are strings attached with your employment, I don’t see how you could say no. Your child isn’t learning anything related to STEM as an infant.

pkay
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by pkay » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:10 am

What are the terms of the nanny arrangement? Who's doing the screening and hiring? Where are you or is he going to look for one? I've heard that sometimes it can take a while to find a suitable nanny. Is this for a year or two years? Being naturally suspicious of too good to be true offers, I'd also wonder does that mean he expects you to work a lot more and long hours?

if everything checks out, perhaps you can ask your boss if he'd pay for a nanny share situation if you're really concerned about the little one having a parallel playmate. It is good for kids to be with other kids even if they don't play together, especially if you're planning on having more kids. I've seen kids who grew up in a nanny situation needing lots of attention all the time, can't play alone, which is hard for the parents because one always has to be with the kid.

Also, while you like the current daycare you are with, it's not a sustainable situation. Once baby is older, there's very little chance that baby will be able to stand one hour commute each way.

sjt
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by sjt » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:10 am

Daycare is full of germs but the world is full of germs. More concerning to me is your commute - 1-2 hours each way is a long time to be spending commuting, especially with children. I commute about 35 minutes each way and that seems like a lot of time I'm missing with my family. Do you commute every day or just a few times each week?
"The one who covets is the poorer man, | For he would have that which he never can; | But he who doesn't have and doesn't crave | Is rich, though you may hold him but a knave." - Wife of Bath tale

J295
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by J295 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:19 am

I didn’t read you asking for advice on daycare versus nanny, so I won’t share my opinion on that topic.

On your question, my advice is keep it simple with your boss. Politely decline. No explanation needed.

smitcat
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by smitcat » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:24 am

I happen to agree with you that daycare is superior to a nanny and we had both at one time or another.
But that was not your question....
I would definitely approach your new boss and clear the air with him
No better way to start a new job/career than with simple honest conversations.
Good luck with what ever you do.

stoptothink
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by stoptothink » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:46 am

chessknt wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 5:20 am
I love how the commercialization of childcare has deceived people in to thinking it is necessary for child development. Kids are resilient and can be normal (ie not geniuses) if they go to stem daycare from 4 months old until kindergarten, raised by a sah parent, raised by a grandparent, raised in a home with one parent, left at home with poor oversight, etc etc.

If kids were crippled by not being around other kids constantly in a learning environment then we would have obvious evidence of this since plenty of children are raised this way.

Do whatever you feel is the right choice and can live with just check your assumptions about daycare's benefits and see if there is actually any data to back up whatever claims have been thrown out by the providers.
I've almost never heard this, but there is plenty of judgement on this board about people choosing to send their kids to daycare instead of having a SAHP. Daycare threads on this board tend to get pretty nasty. FWIW, my kids aren't in daycare (we pay my MIL to watch them), but IMO there is a pretty clear anti-daycare slant on this board.

Sam1
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by Sam1 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:48 am

Children that young don’t need socialization. They don’t even play with others until 2.5-3 years old. They play independently.

I would strongly encourage you to consider one-on-one care for your child. Many parents can’t afford to do so and don’t have this option. You do.

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dm200
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by dm200 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:56 am

Sam1 wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:48 am
Children that young don’t need socialization. They don’t even play with others until 2.5-3 years old. They play independently.
I would strongly encourage you to consider one-on-one care for your child. Many parents can’t afford to do so and don’t have this option. You do.
I’m starting a new job and my new boss offers to pay for a full-time nanny so I can work, even from home if necessary.
What an offer!!!

No child expert - but am a parent - and I would grab this opportunity. I see no downside -. In daycare, how much real interaction does she have with adults? I suspect not very much. I would expect that with a nanny - she would/could get a lot more interaction and stimulation. I might even try to find an excellent nanny who is a native speaker of another language (such as Spanish) and ask her to speak that language to her. Later, as she starts school, then I would look for a partial immersion language program - where half of the school subjects are taught in English and the other half in another language - such as Spanish. We never had a nanny, but I am acquainted with several very nice young women who have worked or are now working as nannies. From what I understand, the more adult interaction and stimulation such young children have - the more their brains grow and develop.

I would guess that commuting with you is not beneficial for her. Having a nanny would also take some stress from both you and your husband.

chessknt
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by chessknt » Fri Dec 13, 2019 10:06 am

stoptothink wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:46 am
chessknt wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 5:20 am
I love how the commercialization of childcare has deceived people in to thinking it is necessary for child development. Kids are resilient and can be normal (ie not geniuses) if they go to stem daycare from 4 months old until kindergarten, raised by a sah parent, raised by a grandparent, raised in a home with one parent, left at home with poor oversight, etc etc.

If kids were crippled by not being around other kids constantly in a learning environment then we would have obvious evidence of this since plenty of children are raised this way.

Do whatever you feel is the right choice and can live with just check your assumptions about daycare's benefits and see if there is actually any data to back up whatever claims have been thrown out by the providers.
I've almost never heard this, but there is plenty of judgement on this board about people choosing to send their kids to daycare instead of having a SAHP. Daycare threads on this board tend to get pretty nasty. FWIW, my kids aren't in daycare (we pay my MIL to watch them), but IMO there is a pretty clear anti-daycare slant on this board.
I've noticed the exact opposite because of the financial hit you take by doing this (for most people). From what I've read most here think it ruins the career and is financially inefficient with a subtext of being beneath the skillet of the average high earning professionals that frequent this board.

Sam1
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by Sam1 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 10:21 am

You really think your 6 month old is benefiting from a STEM curriculum at daycare? Sorry but that is just crazy. What is the ratio at the current daycare?

The most important thing right now for your baby is someone talking to him/her frequently for language development. At a daycare, there are more babies/toddlers than adults so this isn’t happening as frequently as with a nanny. I’d hire a nanny who will talk to your child and give them individual attention.

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dm200
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by dm200 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 10:23 am

Years ago, one of my coworkers had a baby - and she was very, very fortunate that her sister-in-law (from about 100-150 miles away) was ready, willing and able to move (during the week) and be their nanny. I all worked out very well - both financially and family wise for several years.

There ended up to be one "short term" problem - when the child was old enough to go to pre-school and the sister-in-law went back home. The child had become so attached to his aunt that he was, for a while, very, very unhappy. I don't know how common this is, however.

stoptothink
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by stoptothink » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:13 am

chessknt wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 10:06 am
stoptothink wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 9:46 am
chessknt wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 5:20 am
I love how the commercialization of childcare has deceived people in to thinking it is necessary for child development. Kids are resilient and can be normal (ie not geniuses) if they go to stem daycare from 4 months old until kindergarten, raised by a sah parent, raised by a grandparent, raised in a home with one parent, left at home with poor oversight, etc etc.

If kids were crippled by not being around other kids constantly in a learning environment then we would have obvious evidence of this since plenty of children are raised this way.

Do whatever you feel is the right choice and can live with just check your assumptions about daycare's benefits and see if there is actually any data to back up whatever claims have been thrown out by the providers.
I've almost never heard this, but there is plenty of judgement on this board about people choosing to send their kids to daycare instead of having a SAHP. Daycare threads on this board tend to get pretty nasty. FWIW, my kids aren't in daycare (we pay my MIL to watch them), but IMO there is a pretty clear anti-daycare slant on this board.
I've noticed the exact opposite because of the financial hit you take by doing this (for most people). From what I've read most here think it ruins the career and is financially inefficient with a subtext of being beneath the skillet of the average high earning professionals that frequent this board.
Yeah, we are not going to agree on this one. Read some of the past daycare threads.

junior
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by junior » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:24 am

joelly wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm
I’m starting a new job and my new boss offers to pay for a full-time nanny so I can work, even from home if necessary. He doesn’t believe in daycare (i.e. full of germs).
I'm wondering what sort of a personality would make such an offer...

Sic Vis Pacem
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by Sic Vis Pacem » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:27 am

I've not read all the posts above, but I want to focus in on one thing here:
joelly wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm
My baby girl is 6 months old and she has been in daycare since she was 4 months old. Her daycare is near my workplace so she commutes with me. Commute is between 1-2 hrs one-way and she is mostly sleeping.
That...may not last. You may want to think of the trade-offs for your child of what an extra 2-4 hours a day of play or quality sleep (emphasis on quality) would do for them. 56-112 hours a month in a car sounds rough for an adult, let alone a soon-to-be toddler.

This comes from the parent of a 13 month old that has had a nanny-share (nanny watches two kids) since he was 3 months. And he gets tons of socializing through play classes (through the museum, library, etc).
Last edited by Sic Vis Pacem on Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:29 am, edited 2 times in total.

BuckyBadger
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by BuckyBadger » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:28 am

We planned on daycare but ended up in nanny-like situation and it's been marvelous. There are lots of opportunities for a baby to socialize assuming the nanny can actually go places. Our little one goes on play dates, to story time, to the children's museum where she is in the play area for hours, to the park, etc.

To alleviate any concerns of her readiness for school, we decided a few things. She will go to Pre-K, and we decided to start her early in a Montessori type pre school. Not day care, but a real pre school. Montessori and Emelia Reggio schools start much earlier, so starting at she 18 months or so your little one could get group experiences when she's old enough to maybe get something out of them.

At 6 months they aren't playing with other kids, they're just playing near them! Even at 15 months our little girl is only just starting to actually have interactive play.

In short, I'd take the nanny. Absolutely.

Oh, and editing to say i forgot to mention the commute. When she's older there's NO WAY she's going to be happy with that sort of daily commute. That alone is enough to change your situation.

stoptothink
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by stoptothink » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:41 am

Sic Vis Pacem wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:27 am
I've not read all the posts above, but I want to focus in on one thing here:
joelly wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm
My baby girl is 6 months old and she has been in daycare since she was 4 months old. Her daycare is near my workplace so she commutes with me. Commute is between 1-2 hrs one-way and she is mostly sleeping.
That...may not last. You may want to think of the trade-offs for your child of what an extra 2-4 hours a day of play or quality sleep (emphasis on quality) would do for them. 56-112 hours a month in a car sounds rough for an adult, let alone a soon-to-be toddler.

This comes from the parent of a 13 month old that has had a nanny-share (nanny watches two kids) since he was 3 months. And he gets tons of socializing through play classes (through the museum, library, etc).
+1. Kind of mindblowing to me that OP would be so adamant about turning down this offer, there are a million positives and one (probably irrelevant) negative. Only more mindblowing is that they have an employer who is so strongly against daycare that they would pay for an employee's nanny. Odd thread.

smitcat
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by smitcat » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:47 am

BuckyBadger wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:28 am
We planned on daycare but ended up in nanny-like situation and it's been marvelous. There are lots of opportunities for a baby to socialize assuming the nanny can actually go places. Our little one goes on play dates, to story time, to the children's museum where she is in the play area for hours, to the park, etc.

To alleviate any concerns of her readiness for school, we decided a few things. She will go to Pre-K, and we decided to start her early in a Montessori type pre school. Not day care, but a real pre school. Montessori and Emelia Reggio schools start much earlier, so starting at she 18 months or so your little one could get group experiences when she's old enough to maybe get something out of them.

At 6 months they aren't playing with other kids, they're just playing near them! Even at 15 months our little girl is only just starting to actually have interactive play.

In short, I'd take the nanny. Absolutely.

Oh, and editing to say i forgot to mention the commute. When she's older there's NO WAY she's going to be happy with that sort of daily commute. That alone is enough to change your situation.
"Not day care, but a real pre school. Montessori and Emelia Reggio schools start much earlier, so starting at she 18 months or so your little one could get group experiences when she's old enough to maybe get something out of them."
I really believe the OP was stating that they were sending their child to a 'real pre school' nit day care - they did mention STEM in the same post.
It seems to be a bigger deal on what you use as a name but around where we are the choices really only include "real child care' centers.

BuckyBadger
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by BuckyBadger » Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:58 am

smitcat wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:47 am
BuckyBadger wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:28 am
We planned on daycare but ended up in nanny-like situation and it's been marvelous. There are lots of opportunities for a baby to socialize assuming the nanny can actually go places. Our little one goes on play dates, to story time, to the children's museum where she is in the play area for hours, to the park, etc.

To alleviate any concerns of her readiness for school, we decided a few things. She will go to Pre-K, and we decided to start her early in a Montessori type pre school. Not day care, but a real pre school. Montessori and Emelia Reggio schools start much earlier, so starting at she 18 months or so your little one could get group experiences when she's old enough to maybe get something out of them.

At 6 months they aren't playing with other kids, they're just playing near them! Even at 15 months our little girl is only just starting to actually have interactive play.

In short, I'd take the nanny. Absolutely.

Oh, and editing to say i forgot to mention the commute. When she's older there's NO WAY she's going to be happy with that sort of daily commute. That alone is enough to change your situation.
"Not day care, but a real pre school. Montessori and Emelia Reggio schools start much earlier, so starting at she 18 months or so your little one could get group experiences when she's old enough to maybe get something out of them."
I really believe the OP was stating that they were sending their child to a 'real pre school' nit day care - they did mention STEM in the same post.
It seems to be a bigger deal on what you use as a name but around where we are the choices really only include "real child care' centers.
Didn't mean to offend. In my research, only day care was available to children that young. Pre school doesn't become available until a year or so before pre k for traditional pre school, and as young as 18 months old or so for non traditional.

This is my first so i certainly don't know all the nuances.

smitcat
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by smitcat » Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:23 pm

BuckyBadger wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:58 am
smitcat wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:47 am
BuckyBadger wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:28 am
We planned on daycare but ended up in nanny-like situation and it's been marvelous. There are lots of opportunities for a baby to socialize assuming the nanny can actually go places. Our little one goes on play dates, to story time, to the children's museum where she is in the play area for hours, to the park, etc.

To alleviate any concerns of her readiness for school, we decided a few things. She will go to Pre-K, and we decided to start her early in a Montessori type pre school. Not day care, but a real pre school. Montessori and Emelia Reggio schools start much earlier, so starting at she 18 months or so your little one could get group experiences when she's old enough to maybe get something out of them.

At 6 months they aren't playing with other kids, they're just playing near them! Even at 15 months our little girl is only just starting to actually have interactive play.

In short, I'd take the nanny. Absolutely.

Oh, and editing to say i forgot to mention the commute. When she's older there's NO WAY she's going to be happy with that sort of daily commute. That alone is enough to change your situation.
"Not day care, but a real pre school. Montessori and Emelia Reggio schools start much earlier, so starting at she 18 months or so your little one could get group experiences when she's old enough to maybe get something out of them."
I really believe the OP was stating that they were sending their child to a 'real pre school' nit day care - they did mention STEM in the same post.
It seems to be a bigger deal on what you use as a name but around where we are the choices really only include "real child care' centers.
Didn't mean to offend. In my research, only day care was available to children that young. Pre school doesn't become available until a year or so before pre k for traditional pre school, and as young as 18 months old or so for non traditional.

This is my first so i certainly don't know all the nuances.
Thank you....
I'm not offended at all just trying to supply some data for anyone's use.
'Pre school doesn't become available until a year or so before pre k for traditional pre school, and as young as 18 months old or so for non traditional."
Some thoughts on looking at child care even for 18 months and younger:
- is the person fully inoculated
- is there an immediate back up if they fall sick
- do they have a background check
- are there any choking hazards
- is the environment child safe
- do they have 1st aid and CPR current
- are they an educator
- do they work with motor skills
- can they identify early learning issues and recommend interventions
- do they have an emergency procedures/plan in place
Just a sample list that you can build upon ...

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dm200
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by dm200 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:44 pm

From my various knowledge/experience - regarding daycare/preschool -

I believe the primary aspects of licensing , inspections, etc. of such providers focuses on safety, ratio of adults to children by ages of children, etc.

An important aspect of such providers, for the best outcomes of the children, is how varied, stimulating and engaged by adults - such children are. A place can be 99.99% safe, secure, staff backgrounds all ok, etc. BUT if the children are just 'warehoused" all day - that is not good. The same issues can be just as true with a smaller home daycare as with an organization.

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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by JGoneRiding » Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:51 pm

I have done both. For under 2 I really enjoyed a nanny. Also my boss was a LOT happier with me. Now I must leave right on time and call in sick regularly

For example my 2 yr old had loose stool. I had to pick him up an hour early. He then couldn't go the next day. He had no fever and no further issues but I still had to scramble for care for a totally well child.

dsmil
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by dsmil » Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:53 pm

The 1-2 drive each way is working out now because she sleeps a lot, but I'm not sure how that will go when she gets a little older. She may get more socialization at daycare, but you can also have your nanny take her places (park, library, etc.) which allows her to see more things.

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LilyFleur
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by LilyFleur » Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:00 pm

junior wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 11:24 am
joelly wrote:
Thu Dec 12, 2019 10:56 pm
I’m starting a new job and my new boss offers to pay for a full-time nanny so I can work, even from home if necessary. He doesn’t believe in daycare (i.e. full of germs).
I'm wondering what sort of a personality would make such an offer...
It is an interesting offer. I am thinking the boss does not want OP to lose work time due to baby's illness.

Whatever the decision, please make sure to read your baby at least one book a day. Language skills and reading comprehension and time on your lap are irreplaceable. Make sure it is interactive--ask questions about each page...what color is the little car? Where is bunny's mother? etc. In Goodnight Moon, ask baby to look for the mouse on each page. Point out to baby that the room is getting a little bit darker as nighttime falls. Studies show that if you ask questions, they develop greater reading comprehension. And, it's fun :happy

On my commute, I played children's songs and sang to my baby in the morning in the car.

I miss those days. Hoping for grandchildren some day!
Last edited by LilyFleur on Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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dm200
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by dm200 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:01 pm

dsmil wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:53 pm
The 1-2 drive each way is working out now because she sleeps a lot, but I'm not sure how that will go when she gets a little older. She may get more socialization at daycare, but you can also have your nanny take her places (park, library, etc.) which allows her to see more things.
Some children/toddlers travel very well, whether is is in a car, plane or train. Others, though, can be very, very difficult when travel takes a long time.

When he was a toddler to childhood age, our son was great to travel with (especially once the diapers were gone) - no matter whether by car, plane, etc.

When traveling by car, he got even better when we got a minivan - and he could see out of the windows - instead be being below the windows in the back seat of our passenger car.

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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by aristotelian » Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:03 pm

That is crazy. Why does the boss think it is their business to dictate parenting decisions? You could work from home or not in either case. If I were a colleague with kids in daycare I would be pretty upset.

That said, free childcare is a huge benefit. I would be tempted to take it. One issue with a nanny is what happens if they decide to quit for whatever reason? My brother had a college student as a nanny and his kids were pretty devastated when she quit.

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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by hoffse » Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:33 pm

Any chance you can have both? Keep the daycare a few days a week and the nanny on other days (or evenings)? I would be really hesitant to lose the spot at a place you like. I don’t know about your area, but good daycares and preschools are very competitive where I live. In fact, we are planning to have #2 earlier than we otherwise would just so we can get sibling priority at our center before #1 ages out. I can’t emotionally handle going through the daycare lottery again lol.

Keep in mind that nannies also take vacations and get sick. In some respects you will have to work around a nanny’s personal schedule, and you just hope the person you hire is reliable. My friends with good nannies love it; my friends with flakey nannies seriously regret it. YMMV.

Also, I can’t get over how weird this offer is and the fact that he is doing it because he disapproves of daycare THAT much. It’s obviously generous, but the reasoning behind it just strikes me as very intrusive. Are you sure this is a good fit?

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dm200
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by dm200 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 1:49 pm

Acquaintances of ours each have higher income professions and recently had two young sons. The mother's job (for a MegaCorp) required a lot of travel each week. After each baby was born, and she was able to return to work, she was fortunate that her MegaCorp employer ave her assignments where she could work from home nearly 100% of the time. They did hire a nanny - and I think she has now returned to the heavy travel assignments.

They are fortunate that they have sufficient family income to afford a nanny.

Our neighbors across the street have three children (now nearly all grown) and they have had a succession of AuPairs in dealing with and helping with their children. It seems that all of them drive - and the family has one of their cars designated for the AuPair. We were never in such a position for an AuPair - but it would seem to be a fair amount of effort to deal with so many of them over time. They still have one - with only one of their children still at home - and I often see her driving their son to Middle School.

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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by smitcat » Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:34 pm

dm200 wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:44 pm
From my various knowledge/experience - regarding daycare/preschool -

I believe the primary aspects of licensing , inspections, etc. of such providers focuses on safety, ratio of adults to children by ages of children, etc.

An important aspect of such providers, for the best outcomes of the children, is how varied, stimulating and engaged by adults - such children are. A place can be 99.99% safe, secure, staff backgrounds all ok, etc. BUT if the children are just 'warehoused" all day - that is not good. The same issues can be just as true with a smaller home daycare as with an organization.
"BUT if the children are just 'warehoused" all day - that is not good.
Inaccurate for any licensed child care centers in our area.
Is this true for licensed child care centers where you live?

finite_difference
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by finite_difference » Fri Dec 13, 2019 3:48 pm

Get a nanny with a STEM degree and arrange play dates / playground time / swimming / sports / activities for socialization.

Also, if money is not an object could have a full-time nanny and just send kids part time to daycare too.
The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. - Thich Nhat Hanh

sapper1371
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by sapper1371 » Fri Dec 13, 2019 8:05 pm

I always thought that daycare would result in our kids being more sick but after 2 kids and 10 kid-years of daycare it hasn’t been an issue. Also, IMO our kids have developed more socially than other kids we know that have nanny’s or stay at home parent and are more independent already. I have no regrets using daycare.

smitcat
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by smitcat » Sat Dec 14, 2019 9:11 am

smitcat wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 2:34 pm
dm200 wrote:
Fri Dec 13, 2019 12:44 pm
From my various knowledge/experience - regarding daycare/preschool -

I believe the primary aspects of licensing , inspections, etc. of such providers focuses on safety, ratio of adults to children by ages of children, etc.

An important aspect of such providers, for the best outcomes of the children, is how varied, stimulating and engaged by adults - such children are. A place can be 99.99% safe, secure, staff backgrounds all ok, etc. BUT if the children are just 'warehoused" all day - that is not good. The same issues can be just as true with a smaller home daycare as with an organization.
"BUT if the children are just 'warehoused" all day - that is not good.
Inaccurate for any licensed child care centers in our area.
Is this true for licensed child care centers where you live?
I am curious if the licensed child care centers in your area are allowed to just "warehouse' kids all day?
In our area this is in no way possible and it is quite the opposite...

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joelly
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Re: Need help. Daycare vs Nanny.

Post by joelly » Sun Dec 15, 2019 7:47 pm

Thank you for all your responses. All of which has opened my eyes. Wide open.

I’m sorry for making it sounds like I was going to decline the offer. On the contrary, I was readily accepting the offer at the mere mentioned of it but, unfortunately, hubby wasn’t as sure of it as I. This thread is meant to convince him.

I am hoping to be able to sleep more than 2 hrs at a time. DD is very active esp at night. A night nanny was mentioned but wasn’t explained.

DD is 6.5 months now. So as soon as we find a nanny, we better also find a montessorry pre school. One of you mentioned this but it is very interesting to me.

I will come back with more questions.

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