16 Weeks Paternity Leave

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:17 pm

krb wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:08 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:01 pm
I don't know. 16 weeks of vacation for a young person sounds - yes this is going to sound criticizing or insulting and I apologize - indulgent.
Caring for a baby (especially being a first time father) full time every business day hardly seems like a "vacation" to me! I expect that this time will also be very "enlightening" as well.
At this stage caring for a baby means either feed it or change its diaper when it's crying. And comfort it when it wakes up from sleep. It's very draining and I don't think it takes 2 adults working full time at it to accomplish these goals. It's very simple and very draining. Perhaps OP and Mom could each take off a week every other week? Or Dad could take off 1 or two days a week for a few weeks? I don't see that two intelligent physically capable people are needed at this stage in a baby's life.
Perhaps I am misinterpreting this post, but the OP is saying that his wife (the mother) will be staying off work for the initial period after the baby is born. Then she will go back to work and the OP (Dad) will take paternity leave and care for the baby. So, the way I read it - just one person will be caring for the baby.

krb
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by krb » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:22 pm

JGoneRiding wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:14 pm
Frankly I think you will be bored unless there are a lot of projects around the house or other children. I most likely would have shot my husband that much togetherness

I was seriously bored with the first after 6 weeks and I was doing all the nursing and care.

It's a pity you can't split it. I would say take 4 weeks then 12 more when your wife goes back
HA! I said the same thing!

krb
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by krb » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:23 pm

dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:17 pm
krb wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:08 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:01 pm
I don't know. 16 weeks of vacation for a young person sounds - yes this is going to sound criticizing or insulting and I apologize - indulgent.
Caring for a baby (especially being a first time father) full time every business day hardly seems like a "vacation" to me! I expect that this time will also be very "enlightening" as well.
At this stage caring for a baby means either feed it or change its diaper when it's crying. And comfort it when it wakes up from sleep. It's very draining and I don't think it takes 2 adults working full time at it to accomplish these goals. It's very simple and very draining. Perhaps OP and Mom could each take off a week every other week? Or Dad could take off 1 or two days a week for a few weeks? I don't see that two intelligent physically capable people are needed at this stage in a baby's life.
Perhaps I am misinterpreting this post, but the OP is saying that his wife (the mother) will be staying off work for the initial period after the baby is born. Then she will go back to work and the OP (Dad) will take paternity leave and care for the baby. So, the way I read it - just one person will be caring for the baby.
Really? I read it difference. Mom is staying home with the new baby and dad was ALSO staying home for 16 weeks. In any case, being absent from work for four months is a long time and proves your redundancy. I can't imagine this not crossing the minds of management.

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:28 pm

JGoneRiding wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:14 pm
Frankly I think you will be bored unless there are a lot of projects around the house or other children. I most likely would have shot my husband that much togetherness
I was seriously bored with the first after 6 weeks and I was doing all the nursing and care.
It's a pity you can't split it. I would say take 4 weeks then 12 more when your wife goes back
I hope we hear the feedback from the OP after these maternity and paternity leave periods. A growing trend, as well, is a "stay at home Dad" - where the wife/mother has an established, usually well paying, profession/job - and they choose to have the Dad stay at home, care for the child(ren) and so on. My brother's step daughter and her husband are doing this with their two daughters. Seems to be all ok - as far as I can see.

I am also acquainted with a couple that did this as well - but only one child. She is an attorney (employed by a Federal Government agency), very well compensated. Apparently, from what I have inferred, he (the Dad) kept choosing to not become employed long after actual "child care" was needed - and she was "encouraging" (or prodding) him to become gainfully employed. They have moved away now, but he did have a full time job before they left. His problem/challenge though was/is that he does not have the education/training/experience/etc. for a high paid position.

stoptothink
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by stoptothink » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:31 pm

dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:28 pm
JGoneRiding wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:14 pm
Frankly I think you will be bored unless there are a lot of projects around the house or other children. I most likely would have shot my husband that much togetherness
I was seriously bored with the first after 6 weeks and I was doing all the nursing and care.
It's a pity you can't split it. I would say take 4 weeks then 12 more when your wife goes back
I hope we hear the feedback from the OP after these maternity and paternity leave periods. A growing trend, as well, is a "stay at home Dad" - where the wife/mother has an established, usually well paying, profession/job - and they choose to have the Dad stay at home, care for the child(ren) and so on. My brother's step daughter and her husband are doing this with their two daughters. Seems to be all ok - as far as I can see.

I am also acquainted with a couple that did this as well - but only one child. She is an attorney (employed by a Federal Government agency), very well compensated. Apparently, from what I have inferred, he (the Dad) kept choosing to not become employed long after actual "child care" was needed - and she was "encouraging" (or prodding) him to become gainfully employed. They have moved away now, but he did have a full time job before they left. His problem/challenge though was/is that he does not have the education/training/experience/etc. for a high paid position.
I have 4 employees who are in this position; wife comes to work for me, husband stays home with the kids. I only have one male employee who has a SAHW, and they don't have kids yet. Becoming a lot more prevalent around here.
Last edited by stoptothink on Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:31 pm

krb wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:23 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:17 pm
krb wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:08 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:01 pm
I don't know. 16 weeks of vacation for a young person sounds - yes this is going to sound criticizing or insulting and I apologize - indulgent.
Caring for a baby (especially being a first time father) full time every business day hardly seems like a "vacation" to me! I expect that this time will also be very "enlightening" as well.
At this stage caring for a baby means either feed it or change its diaper when it's crying. And comfort it when it wakes up from sleep. It's very draining and I don't think it takes 2 adults working full time at it to accomplish these goals. It's very simple and very draining. Perhaps OP and Mom could each take off a week every other week? Or Dad could take off 1 or two days a week for a few weeks? I don't see that two intelligent physically capable people are needed at this stage in a baby's life.
Perhaps I am misinterpreting this post, but the OP is saying that his wife (the mother) will be staying off work for the initial period after the baby is born. Then she will go back to work and the OP (Dad) will take paternity leave and care for the baby. So, the way I read it - just one person will be caring for the baby.
Really? I read it difference. Mom is staying home with the new baby and dad was ALSO staying home for 16 weeks. In any case, being absent from work for four months is a long time and proves your redundancy. I can't imagine this not crossing the minds of management.
Here is what the OP said (in a later post):
If it adds anything to the conversation, I'd plan on taking 2 weeks vacation when the baby is born and starting paternity leave about 2 months after that. My wife will get the first 10 weeks off. I'll have 35 vacation days for 2020 so I'd still be able take a week off here and there.

krb
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by krb » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:32 pm

dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:28 pm
JGoneRiding wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:14 pm
Frankly I think you will be bored unless there are a lot of projects around the house or other children. I most likely would have shot my husband that much togetherness
I was seriously bored with the first after 6 weeks and I was doing all the nursing and care.
It's a pity you can't split it. I would say take 4 weeks then 12 more when your wife goes back
I hope we hear the feedback from the OP after these maternity and paternity leave periods. A growing trend, as well, is a "stay at home Dad" - where the wife/mother has an established, usually well paying, profession/job - and they choose to have the Dad stay at home, care for the child(ren) and so on. My brother's step daughter and her husband are doing this with their two daughters. Seems to be all ok - as far as I can see.

I am also acquainted with a couple that did this as well - but only one child. She is an attorney (employed by a Federal Government agency), very well compensated. Apparently, from what I have inferred, he (the Dad) kept choosing to not become employed long after actual "child care" was needed - and she was "encouraging" (or prodding) him to become gainfully employed. They have moved away now, but he did have a full time job before they left. His problem/challenge though was/is that he does not have the education/training/experience/etc. for a high paid position.
I know people too where Mom's job was better paying and Dad became the stay at home. So it has nothing to do with gender.

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:35 pm

Growing up, my mother was a stay at home Mom (two sons) and farm wife (small family farm). She told us that when she and my father got married - she told him that she was happy to clean up after the children - BUT my father had to clean up after the farm animals!
I know people too where Mom's job was better paying and Dad became the stay at home. So it has nothing to do with gender.
It once certainly did - but not today.
Last edited by dm200 on Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sam1
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Sam1 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:52 pm

JGoneRiding wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:14 pm
Frankly I think you will be bored unless there are a lot of projects around the house or other children. I most likely would have shot my husband that much togetherness

I was seriously bored with the first after 6 weeks and I was doing all the nursing and care.

It's a pity you can't split it. I would say take 4 weeks then 12 more when your wife goes back
Yes I would try to split it.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by carne_asada » Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:09 pm

The only way for both men and women to have an easier time taking all of their entitled leave is for men to take their entitled leave. My wife and I each took 16 weeks of parental leave(mostly sequentially) and book-ended the leave with vacation weeks as well. I encourage you to take your full leave and also encourage you to push other fathers-to-be at your company to take all of their leave. I'd suggest taking the time when your child is older than 3 months. At the point they are much more interactive and fun to be around.

There is no best time in a career to take a 16 weeks of leave(whatever the reason). It might slow down your progression for a year but your career will recover. However, you can't recover that potential time with your child.
Last edited by carne_asada on Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by KyleAAA » Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:24 pm

Sam1 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:05 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:01 pm
I don't know. 16 weeks of vacation for a young person sounds - yes this is going to sound criticizing or insulting and I apologize - indulgent.
Caring for a baby (especially being a first time father) full time every business day hardly seems like a "vacation" to me! I expect that this time will also be very "enlightening" as well.
I don’t think someone who refers to paternity leave as a vacation is going to get it.
That mentality really annoyed me when I was on paternity leave. Taking care of an infant is much, much more difficult than going to work. It's the opposite of vacation. Going back to work was the vacation.

stoptothink
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by stoptothink » Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:26 pm

KyleAAA wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:24 pm
Sam1 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:05 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:01 pm
I don't know. 16 weeks of vacation for a young person sounds - yes this is going to sound criticizing or insulting and I apologize - indulgent.
Caring for a baby (especially being a first time father) full time every business day hardly seems like a "vacation" to me! I expect that this time will also be very "enlightening" as well.
I don’t think someone who refers to paternity leave as a vacation is going to get it.
That mentality really annoyed me when I was on paternity leave. Taking care of an infant is much, much more difficult than going to work. It's the opposite of vacation. Going back to work was the vacation.
Experiences vary. This does not represent the experience of either my wife or I through 2 kids and it's not like we have high-stress jobs.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by KyleAAA » Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:35 pm

stoptothink wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:26 pm
KyleAAA wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:24 pm
Sam1 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:05 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:01 pm
I don't know. 16 weeks of vacation for a young person sounds - yes this is going to sound criticizing or insulting and I apologize - indulgent.
Caring for a baby (especially being a first time father) full time every business day hardly seems like a "vacation" to me! I expect that this time will also be very "enlightening" as well.
I don’t think someone who refers to paternity leave as a vacation is going to get it.
That mentality really annoyed me when I was on paternity leave. Taking care of an infant is much, much more difficult than going to work. It's the opposite of vacation. Going back to work was the vacation.
Experiences vary. This does not represent the experience of either my wife or I through 2 kids and it's not like we have high-stress jobs.
Lucky for you. Note that it wasn't just feeding and changing the baby. It was innumerable dr appointments, cleaning everything, laundry, yardwork, shopping, etc. All on no sleep. If you have family nearby that can help out, it makes a big difference. We did not. I lost 10 lbs the first month because I didn't even have time to eat properly.

Sam1
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Sam1 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:52 pm

carne_asada wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:09 pm
The only way for both men and women to have an easier time taking all of their entitled leave is for men to take their entitled leave. My wife and I each took 16 weeks of parental leave(mostly sequentially) and book-ended the leave with vacation weeks as well. I encourage you to take your full leave and also encourage you to push other fathers-to-be at your company to take all of their leave. I'd suggest taking the time when your child is older than 3 months. At the point they are much more interactive and fun to be around.

There is no best time in a career to take a 16 weeks of leave(whatever the reason). It might slow down your progression for a year but your career will recover. However, you can't recover that potential time with your child.
Yes this. It’s also demonstrating to your spouse that you are equals and you support her career. That you also take responsibility for the child. That the baby isn’t only her problem and you get to on with life as before.

I can’t emphasize enough how much easier it is so save when you have two spouses working. You’re increasing your chances of this happening if you share responsibility for the baby.

getthatmarshmallow
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by getthatmarshmallow » Mon Dec 09, 2019 8:57 pm

carne_asada wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:09 pm
The only way for both men and women to have an easier time taking all of their entitled leave is for men to take their entitled leave. My wife and I each took 16 weeks of parental leave(mostly sequentially) and book-ended the leave with vacation weeks as well. I encourage you to take your full leave and also encourage you to push other fathers-to-be at your company to take all of their leave. I'd suggest taking the time when your child is older than 3 months. At the point they are much more interactive and fun to be around.

There is no best time in a career to take a 16 weeks of leave(whatever the reason). It might slow down your progression for a year but your career will recover. However, you can't recover that potential time with your child.
+1. Take the leave, come back hard, set the tone that says "parental leave allows us to retain high-quality employees," and advocate for those who come after.

If it were me, I'd plan for at least two weeks after the birth, and maybe consider a month if labor is hard and you don't have family near by, and then take the remainder after your wife heads back to work. She might not need it -- I was pretty much back to normal after two weeks with #1 and basically eight hours with #2 -- but every woman is different.

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TxAg
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by TxAg » Mon Dec 09, 2019 9:45 pm

Put me in the camp that would rather work than care for infants. I am a hands-on and helpful dad but the lack of sleep, crying, worry, change, etc. all wore on me.

But I'd still take all my paternity leave.

wineandplaya
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by wineandplaya » Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:07 pm

Congrats to 16 weeks paternity leave! I was pleased to have gotten four weeks.

In my case, I had to take the leave in whole week increments, and decided to use some of the parental leave weeks for our annual vacation to visit family. That freed up my regular vacation PTO (which I can divide up however I want) to take a couple of hours off every week. We decided that it made more sense in our case to shorten my work week rather than to take an extended period of time off.

In any case, make the best of it!

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Pomegranate » Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:43 pm

Kaizen Soze wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 12:01 pm
My wife and I are having our first child in a couple months. I'm having a tough time deciding how much paternity leave to take. I work for a large-sized company and my paternity leave benefit is 16 weeks paid. All time must be taken in one chunk. A few years ago our benefits got revamped so there's still a corporate culture shift taking place (the previous benefit was 2 weeks paid).

I know 4 people that have taken paternity leave since the benefit update. 2 took the full 16 weeks, 1 took 4 weeks, and 1 took 2 weeks.

A few months ago, before we knew my wife is pregnant, I requested a promotion that was denied. Senior management provided valid reasons and have since nominated me for several internal appointments to help further my career. They also mentioned they'll request a compensation increase during the year-end review cycle, amount unknown.

There are existing threads that indicate taking more than a month off is a bad idea since your responsibilities have to be fully taken over and you lose job security.
- My main question is, does this opinion change if it's a paid benefit?
- Should my request for a promotion a few months ago factor into the decision? To be quite honest, now that I'm becoming a parent I'd be comfortable taking the 16 weeks if the consequence was career stagnation, assuming I maintain job security. I'm pleased with my current work/life balance and the next promotion would negatively change that balance. I also don't want to contribute to the slow pace of the corporate culture shift by taking less than the full benefit.
- When should I tell the company we're having a child?

Thanks in advance,
Kaizen Soze
Me & my wife were both working for the same big enterprise and both took full 16 weeks paternity leave. Once I returned back I applied for higher position which became vacant when I was on leave but got denied. I said 'Seriously?' and found another job with 25% pay increase. My wife was marked as 'junior member' by her new boss after return and asked the same 'Seriously?' question. Unfortunately she was able to find another job with only 15% increase :dollar
Management can rely now on more 'loyal' folks :mrgreen:
So the leave was very productive from both refreshing and career perspective :sharebeer

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by iamlucky13 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:55 pm

Glockenspiel wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 1:28 pm
1. It’s illegal to have any repercussions for taking the time off.
It should be noted that many things that are illegal are difficult to enforce. Passive adverse actions (eg - being passed over for promotion) are very difficult to prove, and even disciplinary actions (although I think unlikely) can sometimes be challenging to prove as being retaliatory.

Also, as far as I know, the law restricts adverse actions in response to FMLA leave. It does not sound like the OP is taking FMLA leave, but rather company-provided leave.

That said, I would in general not expect significant repercussions for a person with a good reputation with their boss and coworkers. The main concern I'd have is a longer absence may be more likely to result in being overlooked for promotion, and such aspirations being set back a year.

That's basically the same thing that happens when a boss sees one employee volunteering for overtime requests or extra assignments, and another employee doing everything that is required of them, but little more. Both may be happy with the result, depending on their personal priorities.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by carorun » Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:03 pm

My employer provides 16 weeks parental leave and it’s become common for men to take the full amount. What I typically see is the father taking 1-2 weeks of vacation after baby is born, then the 16 weeks after wife goes back to work.

Studies have shown that men who spend more time with their babies early bond with them and are more involved parents. Plus, after 4-5 months they’re sleeping more so Dad gets the easy shift! You should absolutely do it.

Will it affect your career, probably. Ask any woman in a management job who has had a baby and she is likely to tell you that year set her back or that she was just treading water. I’ve heard of plenty of delayed promotions and decreased bonuses after mat leave and Im only 33.

You’ll get many jobs in your life and only one or two opportunities to spend this much time with your kids. Take the time off.

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Horton
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Horton » Tue Dec 10, 2019 8:58 am

Take as much time as you can. I took 10 weeks off with both our second and third child. I wouldn’t trade those experiences for anything. You may also be pleasantly surprised when you return to work. I was recharged and thankful to be back at work. Some of my responsibilities had been taken over by other team members, but they were almost all responsibilities that were administrative in nature and things I didn’t enjoy. The tyranny of the “urgent / non important” priorities meant that someone had to do them, while, ironically, the “non-urgent / important” priorities sat patiently waiting my return.

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 9:45 am

carorun wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:03 pm
My employer provides 16 weeks parental leave and it’s become common for men to take the full amount. What I typically see is the father taking 1-2 weeks of vacation after baby is born, then the 16 weeks after wife goes back to work.
Studies have shown that men who spend more time with their babies early bond with them and are more involved parents. Plus, after 4-5 months they’re sleeping more so Dad gets the easy shift! You should absolutely do it.
Will it affect your career, probably. Ask any woman in a management job who has had a baby and she is likely to tell you that year set her back or that she was just treading water. I’ve heard of plenty of delayed promotions and decreased bonuses after mat leave and Im only 33.
You’ll get many jobs in your life and only one or two opportunities to spend this much time with your kids. Take the time off.
I tend to agree as well. However, I suspect there may be ways that such women might be able to lessen the impact. Increasingly, though, today we do see many women in professional and management careers who have taken some time off after giving birth to child(ren). Also, a short delay in professional advancement is much less of a problem than the situation of being completely "stuck".

stoptothink
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by stoptothink » Tue Dec 10, 2019 9:54 am

dm200 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 9:45 am
carorun wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 11:03 pm
My employer provides 16 weeks parental leave and it’s become common for men to take the full amount. What I typically see is the father taking 1-2 weeks of vacation after baby is born, then the 16 weeks after wife goes back to work.
Studies have shown that men who spend more time with their babies early bond with them and are more involved parents. Plus, after 4-5 months they’re sleeping more so Dad gets the easy shift! You should absolutely do it.
Will it affect your career, probably. Ask any woman in a management job who has had a baby and she is likely to tell you that year set her back or that she was just treading water. I’ve heard of plenty of delayed promotions and decreased bonuses after mat leave and Im only 33.
You’ll get many jobs in your life and only one or two opportunities to spend this much time with your kids. Take the time off.
I tend to agree as well. However, I suspect there may be ways that such women might be able to lessen the impact. Increasingly, though, today we do see many women in professional and management careers who have taken some time off after giving birth to child(ren). Also, a short delay in professional advancement is much less of a problem than the situation of being completely "stuck".
My wife intended to stay home full-time when my son was born 4yrs ago. Within a few weeks of being home with my son and our 3yr old daughter she was bored to death. Serendipitously, shortly after her employer (who she had not formally quit) called and offered her a promotion. She was back at work, with a promotion, in 6 weeks. Certainly not normal, but that's how it worked out for us.

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:07 am

My wife intended to stay home full-time when my son was born 4yrs ago. Within a few weeks of being home with my son and our 3yr old daughter she was bored to death. Serendipitously, shortly after her employer (who she had not formally quit) called and offered her a promotion. She was back at work, with a promotion, in 6 weeks. Certainly not normal, but that's how it worked out for us.
What a great story! It sounds like the employer did not know that she was "bored to death" - and thought (maybe still thinks) the offer of a promotion is what got her back to work! It also shows a potential benefit of not formally quitting until necessary.

Many years ago, when I worked for a MegaCorp, paid parental leave was just starting to be offered by employers. Parental leave also began to be offered to employees who adopted children. One of my female coworkers and her husband were adopting twin infant girls (from overseas). Her plan/intent was to quit her job and be a stay at home mom for an indefinite period. When she discussed this with her manager, he suggested to her that she not quit right away - but go on the six weeks of paid adoptive parent leave - then at the end of the paid leave - then quit = which she did.

stoptothink
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by stoptothink » Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:12 am

dm200 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:07 am
My wife intended to stay home full-time when my son was born 4yrs ago. Within a few weeks of being home with my son and our 3yr old daughter she was bored to death. Serendipitously, shortly after her employer (who she had not formally quit) called and offered her a promotion. She was back at work, with a promotion, in 6 weeks. Certainly not normal, but that's how it worked out for us.
What a great story! It sounds like the employer did not know that she was "bored to death" - and thought (maybe still thinks) the offer of a promotion is what got her back to work! It also shows a potential benefit of not formally quitting until necessary.

Many years ago, when I worked for a MegaCorp, paid parental leave was just starting to be offered by employers. Parental leave also began to be offered to employees who adopted children. One of my female coworkers and her husband were adopting twin infant girls (from overseas). Her plan/intent was to quit her job and be a stay at home mom for an indefinite period. When she discussed this with her manager, he suggested to her that she not quit right away - but go on the six weeks of paid adoptive parent leave - then at the end of the paid leave - then quit = which she did.
Postpartum depression was beginning to set in. She was also watching my 3yr old niece at the time and it just wasn't enough to keep her busy. She's a go-getter and will be the first person to tell you that SAHM is not for her. FWIW, I am home right now with my son and our neighbor's 2yr old, and I am editing a manuscript for a research review my team hopes to get peer-reviewed and published in the next few months.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by bloom2708 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am

These benefits are great for the person having the kid. The rest of the team suffers. Companies have no plan to replace a full person for 12-16 weeks.

My manager has a team of 4 people. Each has a full work load. A co-worker will be taking 14 weeks of paternity leave this week starting Friday. It is great for them. I asked if we could hire a temp for the 14 weeks. That isn't an option.

I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March. These benefits are great on paper. They play well with PR and Marketing. They probably attract younger employees. They can really deliver a blow to the "team".

I actually considered changing roles when the paternity leave was announced and my manager asked me to cover his area. I opted to do the right thing because me leaving would have crippled things.

Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
"We are here to provoke thoughtfulness, not agree with you." Unknown Boglehead

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 11:55 am

bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am
These benefits are great for the person having the kid. The rest of the team suffers. Companies have no plan to replace a full person for 12-16 weeks.
My manager has a team of 4 people. Each has a full work load. A co-worker will be taking 14 weeks of paternity leave this week starting Friday. It is great for them. I asked if we could hire a temp for the 14 weeks. That isn't an option.
I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March. These benefits are great on paper. They play well with PR and Marketing. They probably attract younger employees. They can really deliver a blow to the "team".
I actually considered changing roles when the paternity leave was announced and my manager asked me to cover his area. I opted to do the right thing because me leaving would have crippled things.
Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
Yes - dealing with such issues is a challenge for employers. Employee "morale" is often a big issue in employee satisfaction and productivity. In so many cases, it is a "team" that gets the jobs done.

Over the decades of my employment for various companies - large and small - I never experienced this particular issue/problem.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by KingRiggs » Tue Dec 10, 2019 11:59 am

As an anesthesiologist in a small (18 at the time) group practice, I had to work on the morning of my wife's induction. Got to the hospital as she was getting her epidural, so at least I didn't win worst husband of the year award...

The group pitched in and covered calls and cases for me for the remainder of that week, but there was no realistic way to provide paternity leave. They tried to assign me lighter days for the first week or two, I believe.

Wife would handle baby duty during the day, then I'd pitch in in afternoon/evening. She'd go to bed early, and I'd stay up for the midnight feeding. She handled everything after about 1am. Yes, it's tiring initially, but the routine gets pretty manageable after s few weeks. The thought of doing nothing but baby duty, house chores, and naps/tv for SIXTEEN FULL WEEKS makes me cringe...

I suppose times have changed, and I'm glad your place of employment is so accommodating, but I would have been gouging my eyes out with a pacifier after about three weeks...And no matter what you do and how many diapers you change, the kids will be closer to the mother than to the dad - that's just the way it works...

Best of luck!
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Oddball » Tue Dec 10, 2019 12:59 pm

I work at a MegaCorp which offers 8 weeks paid leave for new children. Leave had to start within 12 weeks after the birth. My son was was born on a Wednesday (not planned) just over a year ago so I took PTO that day (I sent a text to my boss letting them know the baby was coming when we were at the hospital) and then took the rest of the week off, back to the office the following Monday. Then took the full 8 weeks off once the 12 weeks since birth was up, which was over the Holidays and worked out great to take the new baby to see family at different parts of the country.

I for sure recommend to take the full time off. As the OP stated, my work was very strict about not being able to do ANY work during the leave. I did bring the baby by the office near the end of the leave so my coworkers could meet him.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by oldfatguy » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:02 pm

bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am


I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March.
Sounds like a problem of poor management. What happens when someone goes on vacation for a few weeks, or gets sick, or takes time off to care for an ailing family member?

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by bloom2708 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:47 pm

oldfatguy wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:02 pm
bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am


I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March.
Sounds like a problem of poor management. What happens when someone goes on vacation for a few weeks, or gets sick, or takes time off to care for an ailing family member?
Your company (any?) hires replacement or extra workers for vacation, sick time, short-term disability? Hmmm.
"We are here to provoke thoughtfulness, not agree with you." Unknown Boglehead

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:51 pm

bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:47 pm
oldfatguy wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:02 pm
bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am

I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March.
Sounds like a problem of poor management. What happens when someone goes on vacation for a few weeks, or gets sick, or takes time off to care for an ailing family member?
Your company (any?) hires replacement or extra workers for vacation, sick time, short-term disability? Hmmm.
Where I have seen this commonly done is for employees such as receptionists, some kinds of clerks, etc. - where there is both a need and a temp can handle the required duties with only minimal training.

oldfatguy
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by oldfatguy » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:55 pm

bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:47 pm
oldfatguy wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:02 pm
bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am


I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March.
Sounds like a problem of poor management. What happens when someone goes on vacation for a few weeks, or gets sick, or takes time off to care for an ailing family member?
Your company (any?) hires replacement or extra workers for vacation, sick time, short-term disability? Hmmm.
Sometimes for FMLA leaves or other extended absences, but it depends on the role and department. Otherwise, people just have reasonable expectations about what can and can't be done. If you could really do 2 full-time jobs for the next 14 weeks, it would seem to imply that neither one of you was very productive before, unless you will be putting in 80 hours a week now. A company shouldn't offer benefits without a reasonable plan for what will happen when someone uses them.
Last edited by oldfatguy on Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:58 pm

In my lengthy employment history, in several different fields, I cannot ever recall a situation where an outside "temporary" employee could have ever helped when someone was out for an extended vacation, sick leave, etc. The only way these were addressed was either we all worked more and harder OR there was some reassignments within the departments.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by HEDGEFUNDIE » Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:59 pm

bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am
These benefits are great for the person having the kid. The rest of the team suffers. Companies have no plan to replace a full person for 12-16 weeks.

My manager has a team of 4 people. Each has a full work load. A co-worker will be taking 14 weeks of paternity leave this week starting Friday. It is great for them. I asked if we could hire a temp for the 14 weeks. That isn't an option.

I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March. These benefits are great on paper. They play well with PR and Marketing. They probably attract younger employees. They can really deliver a blow to the "team".

I actually considered changing roles when the paternity leave was announced and my manager asked me to cover his area. I opted to do the right thing because me leaving would have crippled things.

Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
Let's be clear whose fault this was - your manager's for not having a plan to reasonably redistribute the work, not the new father's for wanting to be there for his new family.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by mervinj7 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:06 pm

HEDGEFUNDIE wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:59 pm
bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am
Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
Let's be clear whose fault this was - your manager's for not having a plan to reasonably redistribute the work, not the new father's for wanting to be there for his new family.
+1. bloom2708's manager should have reallocated resources and projects appropriately based on a upcoming, known, and approved parental leave. I've had many team members take parental leave over the last few years and I've never felt an undue burden on me (certainly not double the workload). Is this just an issue with Paternity Leave in your company or do mothers taking Maternity Leave also cause the same angst?

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by bloom2708 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:32 pm

mervinj7 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:06 pm
Is this just an issue with Paternity Leave in your company or do mothers taking Maternity Leave also cause the same angst?
The person on my team happens to be a male. The same benefits apply to child bearing mothers. Most take 3-6 months off.

All companies except my megacorp hire full replacements for maternity and paternity leave? What happens with the 12 to 24 week period ends?

I've been working for 25+ years. Replacements haven't been hired in these scenarios. Work wasn't done, work was distributed. Only top need tasks were done. etc.

I was just trying to make a point that more is going on. At my company your maternity/paternity pay doesn't count toward bonus calc. 25% cut in bonus for the year. I would never tell someone to not take the leave. Take it. Enjoy it. Know that "stuff" has to keep going. Someone is doing it or it isn't getting done.
"We are here to provoke thoughtfulness, not agree with you." Unknown Boglehead

EddyB
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by EddyB » Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:34 pm

mervinj7 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 2:06 pm
HEDGEFUNDIE wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:59 pm
bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am
Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
Let's be clear whose fault this was - your manager's for not having a plan to reasonably redistribute the work, not the new father's for wanting to be there for his new family.
+1. bloom2708's manager should have reallocated resources and projects appropriately based on a upcoming, known, and approved parental leave. I've had many team members take parental leave over the last few years and I've never felt an undue burden on me (certainly not double the workload). Is this just an issue with Paternity Leave in your company or do mothers taking Maternity Leave also cause the same angst?
And in addition to the particular impetus for a specific plan, management should more generally make staffing decisions with some recognition of absences as a generally foreseeable event, and it doesn't seem like it can be a surprise that a change in the company's own leave policy will change staffing needs.

There is a lot of FUD in this thread (with a whiff of the patriarchy). I'm not going to claim that "you have nothing to lose but your chains," but unless OP has some very specific reason to be at one particular mega corp, I have a hard time being too concerned about the consequences. Either there's a real cultural shift at his employer (consistent with its own adoption of this policy), or not, and then he can think about whether that's a strike against it.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by HawkeyePierce » Tue Dec 10, 2019 3:02 pm

HEDGEFUNDIE wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:59 pm
bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am
These benefits are great for the person having the kid. The rest of the team suffers. Companies have no plan to replace a full person for 12-16 weeks.

My manager has a team of 4 people. Each has a full work load. A co-worker will be taking 14 weeks of paternity leave this week starting Friday. It is great for them. I asked if we could hire a temp for the 14 weeks. That isn't an option.

I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March. These benefits are great on paper. They play well with PR and Marketing. They probably attract younger employees. They can really deliver a blow to the "team".

I actually considered changing roles when the paternity leave was announced and my manager asked me to cover his area. I opted to do the right thing because me leaving would have crippled things.

Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
Let's be clear whose fault this was - your manager's for not having a plan to reasonably redistribute the work, not the new father's for wanting to be there for his new family.
Yep. My employer gives 20 weeks. Many of my teammates have taken the full leave. My boss and my boss's boss have both taken their leaves (both women). None of those placed a major burden on anyone else because we had a plan in place for their leave.

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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Sam1 » Tue Dec 10, 2019 3:15 pm

HawkeyePierce wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 3:02 pm
HEDGEFUNDIE wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 1:59 pm
bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am
These benefits are great for the person having the kid. The rest of the team suffers. Companies have no plan to replace a full person for 12-16 weeks.

My manager has a team of 4 people. Each has a full work load. A co-worker will be taking 14 weeks of paternity leave this week starting Friday. It is great for them. I asked if we could hire a temp for the 14 weeks. That isn't an option.

I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March. These benefits are great on paper. They play well with PR and Marketing. They probably attract younger employees. They can really deliver a blow to the "team".

I actually considered changing roles when the paternity leave was announced and my manager asked me to cover his area. I opted to do the right thing because me leaving would have crippled things.

Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
Let's be clear whose fault this was - your manager's for not having a plan to reasonably redistribute the work, not the new father's for wanting to be there for his new family.
Yep. My employer gives 20 weeks. Many of my teammates have taken the full leave. My boss and my boss's boss have both taken their leaves (both women). None of those placed a major burden on anyone else because we had a plan in place for their leave.
And you know what... if parental leave becomes standard, then more employees will get with the program in terms of making sure a plan is in place during an absence. Having a baby is a big deal but not such a big deal that someone should have to quit their job and exit the workforce. Which is the point of parental leave. To make an accommodation for someone so that they can spend the time they need recovering from birth and/or caring for a young baby and then reentering the workforce. Women have babies and women are employees and their spouses or partners are employees as well.

brennok
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by brennok » Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:56 am

bloom2708 wrote:
Tue Dec 10, 2019 10:26 am
These benefits are great for the person having the kid. The rest of the team suffers. Companies have no plan to replace a full person for 12-16 weeks.

My manager has a team of 4 people. Each has a full work load. A co-worker will be taking 14 weeks of paternity leave this week starting Friday. It is great for them. I asked if we could hire a temp for the 14 weeks. That isn't an option.

I have to do my job and their job for 14 weeks. I get no pay bump. I will not be able to take vacation between now and March. These benefits are great on paper. They play well with PR and Marketing. They probably attract younger employees. They can really deliver a blow to the "team".

I actually considered changing roles when the paternity leave was announced and my manager asked me to cover his area. I opted to do the right thing because me leaving would have crippled things.

Empathy requires understanding the bigger picture. I fully understand the "take it all" ideas. I guess that is what you are asking. How does it play, how will it affect your team and the bigger picture. Good to think about. I think just thinking about it goes a long way.
I am dealing with this also. My manager and a co-worker are both due within a week or so of each other. They are both scheduled to be out for the full time which I want to say is 16 weeks if not more with dates up in the air until we get closer to the due date. The company provides 6 weeks maternity/paternity IIRC, pays for short term disability at 60% but you can increase to 80% for a small fee, allows you to roll over a week of PTO and buy another week of PTO at the beginning of every year. While on disability if you are at 80% you only need to use one day of PTO to cover the entire week of pay allowing you to stretch the 80 hours to 8 weeks of full time pay. This is all assuming you haven't earned any more which I know my manager earns a day a paycheck. I think 18 weeks might be the max between FMLA, short term, and maternity not including any accrued vacation time.

From what I have been told so far is I am taking on my manager's responsibilities along with keeping my own. I have already been told not to plan on any vacation or days out during the 16 or so weeks. My work isn't covered when I am out on vacation so I doubt the company has any plans to cover them. We are already a small team that is working remote from the main headquarters and we may be down another employee or two by the time the due date since I know of two actively looking for other employment mainly due to commutes.

I am just going to play it by ear. I don't blame them for taking the time since I would do the same to maximize my time off, but I know the company doesn't care about my workload based on my current workload. No matter how often I explain to them how even with working overtime I can't keep up, they assign me more work. It is especially fun when you come back from a day off which is marked on their calendar and find work was assigned while you are out and now they are wondering why you didn't do the task in the required 24 hours.

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dm200
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by dm200 » Wed Dec 11, 2019 10:22 am

I am dealing with this also. My manager and a co-worker are both due within a week or so of each other. They are both scheduled to be out for the full time which I want to say is 16 weeks if not more with dates up in the air until we get closer to the due date. The company provides 6 weeks maternity/paternity IIRC, pays for short term disability at 60% but you can increase to 80% for a small fee, allows you to roll over a week of PTO and buy another week of PTO at the beginning of every year. While on disability if you are at 80% you only need to use one day of PTO to cover the entire week of pay allowing you to stretch the 80 hours to 8 weeks of full time pay. This is all assuming you haven't earned any more which I know my manager earns a day a paycheck. I think 18 weeks might be the max between FMLA, short term, and maternity not including any accrued vacation time.
From what I have been told so far is I am taking on my manager's responsibilities along with keeping my own. I have already been told not to plan on any vacation or days out during the 16 or so weeks. My work isn't covered when I am out on vacation so I doubt the company has any plans to cover them. We are already a small team that is working remote from the main headquarters and we may be down another employee or two by the time the due date since I know of two actively looking for other employment mainly due to commutes.
I am just going to play it by ear. I don't blame them for taking the time since I would do the same to maximize my time off, but I know the company doesn't care about my workload based on my current workload. No matter how often I explain to them how even with working overtime I can't keep up, they assign me more work. It is especially fun when you come back from a day off which is marked on their calendar and find work was assigned while you are out and now they are wondering why you didn't do the task in the required 24 hours.
Good Luck!

In your situation, I might consider scheduling some time off when they both will be back. I would also be and act in a supportive way to both of them. Chances are they will each bring in their babies to the office some time during their time off - but I would also maintain contact with both of them and encourage them to visit with the babies. I believe, in most cases, whatever your "true and honest" opinion, acting like and being a "team player" works out best. With your manager, you probably want to take a "middle ground" - show her that you are doing a good job in her absence - but will welcome her back as soon as it makes sense.

oldfatguy
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by oldfatguy » Wed Dec 11, 2019 10:35 am

brennok wrote:
Wed Dec 11, 2019 12:56 am
I know the company doesn't care about my workload based on my current workload. No matter how often I explain to them how even with working overtime I can't keep up, they assign me more work. It is especially fun when you come back from a day off which is marked on their calendar and find work was assigned while you are out and now they are wondering why you didn't do the task in the required 24 hours.
That sounds terrible, and I would be looking for a new job in that situation. Unfortunately, it may not be any better in many other organizations.

Glockenspiel
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Glockenspiel » Sat Dec 28, 2019 11:22 pm

Thegame14 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 2:41 pm
Glockenspiel wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 1:28 pm
I strongly encourage you to take the full 16 weeks.

1. It’s illegal to have any repercussions for taking the time off.
2. It sets a good example for others to follow. Parental leave is B.S. in this country and the culture around it needs to change. You taking the full time off allows others to see it as normal.
3. The company will see that yes, they will survive without you, and will start to change their opinion of it.
Is it? I had a job where I told my boss when baby was due, he said for my dedication to the company he would grant me two paid weeks vacation off the books. One month before baby is born he leaves, I ask him to confirm in writing my two weeks paid paternity, he never replies, at his going away lunch I mention it to him with new boss sitting there, and he says he is no longer in charge. I take my two weeks, actually even came back 2 days early, as soon as I enter the building I am told to meet in bosses office, and I am told I am being let go, and I can sign away right to sue for two months pay and them not contesting my unemployment. Had same thing happen at another company for having sinus surgery, so yes, things are "illegal", but we are also employed "at will" and very hard to get around that. Someone at my wifes job had a baby and was let go when they came back even though you are supposed to be guaranteed your job for 12 months after.
That’s illegal. You are guaranteed up to 12 unpaid weeks and must be put back in the same position. You should have hired an attorney for FMLA discrimination. It would have been an easy case, unless you’re not telling the full story.

Thegame14
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Thegame14 » Sun Dec 29, 2019 11:38 am

Both companies less than 50 full time employees in NJ so no NJFMLA

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ClevrChico
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by ClevrChico » Sun Dec 29, 2019 2:33 pm

Take the benefit you EARNED! This is a great opportunity. Even if it's too much "home time", use it to get some fresh air. You're going to be very busy with family in the future, now is the time for some downtime.

The easiest path to a promotion is to get another job offer, not turning down benefits.

HockeyFan99
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Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by HockeyFan99 » Sun Dec 29, 2019 4:14 pm

Did not read all of the many comments, but to the OP:

- Only you can judge your culture and what the likely implications are, if any, of taking the full leave. If you are close with the men who have taken longer leave it might be worth a conversation with them.

- That said, if you do want to prioritize family over the longer term consider what it would mean for you *not* to take the full leave. If you don’t take time now, when your child is born, will you be able / willing to take it later? “Time” here can mean everything from days off when your child is sick to declining work travel to saying no to meetings or other activities that conflict with important family time.

- If you don’t feel you can take the time now without reprisal, ask yourself (and your partner) whether this is a place you want to stay long term. (If it isn’t, no time like the present to start looking, but know that layering on a new job to a new baby is not ideal, so better to take the leave and think about a medium-term transition plan if you can.)

- To make it easier on your coworkers / colleagues, make sure you provide plenty of notice and help to set up a plan so that key pieces of your work don’t fall through the cracks or turn into crises while you are out. You may worry you are making yourself redundant, but there is always more / new work to go around, and the colleagues you help out in this way will likely repay you down the line. Ultimately, nobody benefits if you leave and everything is a mess.

- Consider staggering your leave with your partner’s, if you can. The first few weeks are critical time for everyone to be together, but after that there is some value in splitting up the leave so that the baby has more overall time with the parents. Plus spending some time as the “primary caregiver” is a great thing for both bonding with your child and appreciating what it would mean to do that full time (in case you or your partner ever want to consider that).

- I’ve never personally spoken to a parent who regretted taking too much leave. Too little though? I hear from those parents frequently. (I took the max with both of my children, and with the second added on several months of unpaid leave. No regrets whatsoever.)
"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." - Hotblack Desiato

Topic Author
Kaizen Soze
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu Apr 11, 2019 1:47 pm

Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Kaizen Soze » Tue May 26, 2020 5:47 pm

JGoneRiding wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:14 pm
Frankly I think you will be bored unless there are a lot of projects around the house or other children. I most likely would have shot my husband that much togetherness
It's amusing to read this now that we've been quarantined together for over two months.

Update: Several expecting dads recently to take the full 16 weeks. I've also decided to take the full 16 weeks. Our company is most likely work from home until 2021, so either way I'll be home.

wfrobinette
Posts: 1093
Joined: Fri Feb 20, 2015 3:14 pm

Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by wfrobinette » Wed May 27, 2020 12:29 pm

KyleAAA wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:35 pm
stoptothink wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:26 pm
KyleAAA wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:24 pm
Sam1 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:05 pm
dm200 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:01 pm


Caring for a baby (especially being a first time father) full time every business day hardly seems like a "vacation" to me! I expect that this time will also be very "enlightening" as well.
I don’t think someone who refers to paternity leave as a vacation is going to get it.
That mentality really annoyed me when I was on paternity leave. Taking care of an infant is much, much more difficult than going to work. It's the opposite of vacation. Going back to work was the vacation.
Experiences vary. This does not represent the experience of either my wife or I through 2 kids and it's not like we have high-stress jobs.
Lucky for you. Note that it wasn't just feeding and changing the baby. It was innumerable dr appointments, cleaning everything, laundry, yardwork, shopping, etc. All on no sleep. If you have family nearby that can help out, it makes a big difference. We did not. I lost 10 lbs the first month because I didn't even have time to eat properly.
1 kid caused this for both of you? I didn't have family either but I had plenty of time to eat and I was back at work in 2 weeks. Wife stayed home with kid. When I got home I took over then went to bed and she took over. She slept when the baby slept.

Topic Author
Kaizen Soze
Posts: 70
Joined: Thu Apr 11, 2019 1:47 pm

Re: 16 Weeks Paternity Leave

Post by Kaizen Soze » Wed May 27, 2020 3:17 pm

wfrobinette wrote:
Wed May 27, 2020 12:29 pm
KyleAAA wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:35 pm
stoptothink wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:26 pm
KyleAAA wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 5:24 pm
Sam1 wrote:
Mon Dec 09, 2019 4:05 pm


I don’t think someone who refers to paternity leave as a vacation is going to get it.
That mentality really annoyed me when I was on paternity leave. Taking care of an infant is much, much more difficult than going to work. It's the opposite of vacation. Going back to work was the vacation.
Experiences vary. This does not represent the experience of either my wife or I through 2 kids and it's not like we have high-stress jobs.
Lucky for you. Note that it wasn't just feeding and changing the baby. It was innumerable dr appointments, cleaning everything, laundry, yardwork, shopping, etc. All on no sleep. If you have family nearby that can help out, it makes a big difference. We did not. I lost 10 lbs the first month because I didn't even have time to eat properly.
1 kid caused this for both of you? I didn't have family either but I had plenty of time to eat and I was back at work in 2 weeks. Wife stayed home with kid. When I got home I took over then went to bed and she took over. She slept when the baby slept.
YMMV... if the baby doesn't sleep without you, you cannot sleep when the baby sleeps. Our baby is 5 days old and hasn't slept in the bassinet yet. He will only fall sleep in our arms. And with breastfeeding every 2hrs, diaper changes 10-15 per day, daily chores, increased laundry, and everything else... we're running on 2-3hrs. of sleep per day. It will get better but it's definitely harder than working at the moment.

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