This is exact kind of scenario I am worried about , more than me , my DW.stoptothink wrote: ↑Sun Oct 20, 2019 9:51 amMy uncle, one of my closest friends in the world, was basically booted out of the house at 14 when my grandfather remarried and his new wife did not want a kid in the home. He eventually moved in with an aunt in another state, joined the military, put himself through school, and is now a successful business owner who teaches at the local U on the side. Probably the best example of hard work and grit in my life. He told his kids that he'd pay for their college education because his own father didn't help him at all...of course it didn't stop there. His kids are now 30, 27, and 25. All 3 of them still live with him, the 30 and 25yr old are married (so they are in their childhood bedrooms with their spouse), and the 30yr old just had his first child. Only the 30yr old has graduated and finally recently got his first real job...and they bought a home, but as a rental as they continue living with my aunt and uncle. My uncle is nearing 60, as is his wife, and they are both starting to have some health issues but both continue working because they financially support the entire family. They also continue to live in the McMansion that they now have a difficult time maintaining because they have 5 other adults and an infant living with them. He really wants to downsize the home and stop working; he's just plain worn out.Elysium wrote: ↑Sun Oct 20, 2019 9:34 am Oh boy, this is indeed an eye popping discussion. I used to think American way was all supposed to be about getting independence and living life your way. That meant when you are young working hard, earn and spend your own dime, getting yourself up by the bootstraps, and go where you wish to go. Have we come to the point where young people have all become dependent on parents to support them through life
It's one thing to provide the occasional support or gift to your adult children, but another to support them until they are 'settled' fully in life.
Boy, am I glad our HS aged son keeps telling us he doesn't need a thing from us, and will go his own way at the earliest possible. I get a feeling sometimes he is saying that to get away from being accountable for the time being but that still makes he happy that I will one day be free to pursue my own hobbies and not working until I croak to pay for adult children to 'settle' in life
Every time we have a family gathering he pulls me into a corner and tells me he is kicking them all out, but it never happens. They are essentially the family joke. An extreme example and just a single anecdote, but his kids have become my parenting nightmare. Over the last few years, every time we spend time with my uncle we come home and my wife and I have a discussion about what we can do to ensure that our kids do not become them. We will have the means our parents did not have, so we will be able to help out our kids, but where do you draw the line?
All said and done, it will be very hard for anyone to turn away their kids