Page 1 of 1

sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:07 am
by Klaxton
I have only one sibling (older) remaining who is is now at age 81 living in another state 2000+ miles distant, who, in my opinion, needs help. He is basically a shut-in, does not make good financial decisions, may be suffering from early dementia and has no will or trust. He also has health problems that makes it difficult for him to do some day-to-today tasks like mowing his lawn.

I have tried to help him in solving some basic issues. For instance, he owns a another home (approx $600,000 value) in which he does not live, bought it for rental income, located 60 mile distant from his home, but it has lied vacant in a nice neighborhood for the past ten years.

I visited with him a year ago and several other times in the past ten years, offered my assistance and tried to help him with a number of issues he is having. He promised to take my suggestions but never acts upon them.
I am at a loss in how to help him out. I offered to stop out again for at least several weeks, if necessary, but after making hotel arrangements and speaking with him, decided to cancel. I am afraid that someone will take advantage of him.

Can I get some state organization or an elder law firm to 'reach' him?

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:34 am
by BarbBrooklyn
You can start with the local ( his area) Area Agency on Aging. Every county in the US has one.

You can request a "needs assessment". Someone will go out to his home and assess the situation; it's usually better if someone else is there to confirm information.

Are you in touch with his neighbors? His doctor?

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 4:46 pm
by Klaxton
BarbBrooklyn wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:34 am You can start with the local ( his area) Area Agency on Aging. Every county in the US has one.

You can request a "needs assessment". Someone will go out to his home and assess the situation; it's usually better if someone else is there to confirm information.

Are you in touch with his neighbors? His doctor?
I will investigate "AAA". He does not have a Primary Care Physician. I am trying to get him to organize with one. He sees various specialists. I suggested he check with his health insurance provider. - a No Go.
On next trip, whenever that might be, I will try to meet with neighbors. He he doesn't seem to know any. Thank you very much for your reply.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 7:13 pm
by BarbBrooklyn
Also, you might want to check out www.Agingcare.com. Good caregiver website.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 9:12 pm
by Dottie57
Maybe you could get POA and help him sell the house? Maybe he just can’t motivate to do anything.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 7:29 am
by Klaxton
Dottie57 wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 9:12 pm Maybe you could get POA and help him sell the house? Maybe he just can’t motivate to do anything.
Good Idea! The problem is that I cannot get him to see ANY lawyer.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 7:46 am
by fru-gal
Be a little careful about any state department of aging. In my state I have heard that they are just not responsible, hire helpers not well vetted, etc.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 7:53 am
by Klaxton
BarbBrooklyn wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 7:13 pm Also, you might want to check out www.Agingcare.com. Good caregiver website.
Looks good.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:01 am
by ChrisC
Klaxton wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:07 am I visited with him a year ago and several other times in the past ten years, offered my assistance and tried to help him with a number of issues he is having. He promised to take my suggestions but never acts upon them.
I am at a loss in how to help him out. I offered to stop out again for at least several weeks, if necessary, but after making hotel arrangements and speaking with him, decided to cancel. I am afraid that someone will take advantage of him.
Sounds like he's living the life he wants to live! If you really, really think he's a major risk to himself, then go out the next time, procure the services of a lawyer in his area, meet with him and the lawyer, and design a plan for him to protect himself from himself. Unless he's willing to have you do this for him, I don't think you or anyone else can help him -- enlisting the aid of outsiders without your presence and guidance could be counter-productive.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:12 am
by Klaxton
ChrisC wrote: Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:01 am
Klaxton wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:07 am I visited with him a year ago and several other times in the past ten years, offered my assistance and tried to help him with a number of issues he is having. He promised to take my suggestions but never acts upon them.
I am at a loss in how to help him out. I offered to stop out again for at least several weeks, if necessary, but after making hotel arrangements and speaking with him, decided to cancel. I am afraid that someone will take advantage of him.
Sounds like he's living the life he wants to live! If you really, really think he's a major risk to himself, then go out the next time, procure the services of a lawyer in his area, meet with him and the lawyer, and design a plan for him to protect himself from himself. Unless he's willing to have you do this for him, I don't think you or anyone else can help him -- enlisting the aid of outsiders without your presence and guidance could be counter-productive.
This is, in part, precisely why I have cancelled visiting for the near future. /quote]

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:13 am
by Klaxton
Klaxton wrote: Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:12 am
ChrisC wrote: Sat Oct 19, 2019 8:01 am
Klaxton wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:07 am I visited with him a year ago and several other times in the past ten years, offered my assistance and tried to help him with a number of issues he is having. He promised to take my suggestions but never acts upon them.
I am at a loss in how to help him out. I offered to stop out again for at least several weeks, if necessary, but after making hotel arrangements and speaking with him, decided to cancel. I am afraid that someone will take advantage of him.
Sounds like he's living the life he wants to live! If you really, really think he's a major risk to himself, then go out the next time, procure the services of a lawyer in his area, meet with him and the lawyer, and design a plan for him to protect himself from himself. Unless he's willing to have you do this for him, I don't think you or anyone else can help him -- enlisting the aid of outsiders without your presence and guidance could be counter-productive.
This is, in part, precisely why I have cancelled visiting for the near future. /quote]

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 10:19 am
by Dottie57
Klaxton wrote: Sat Oct 19, 2019 7:29 am
Dottie57 wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 9:12 pm Maybe you could get POA and help him sell the house? Maybe he just can’t motivate to do anything.
Good Idea! The problem is that I cannot get him to see ANY lawyer.
Request the lawyer come to him! Some will do it for a fee.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 10:41 am
by TN_Boy
Klaxton wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:07 am I have only one sibling (older) remaining who is is now at age 81 living in another state 2000+ miles distant, who, in my opinion, needs help. He is basically a shut-in, does not make good financial decisions, may be suffering from early dementia and has no will or trust. He also has health problems that makes it difficult for him to do some day-to-today tasks like mowing his lawn.

I have tried to help him in solving some basic issues. For instance, he owns a another home (approx $600,000 value) in which he does not live, bought it for rental income, located 60 mile distant from his home, but it has lied vacant in a nice neighborhood for the past ten years.

I visited with him a year ago and several other times in the past ten years, offered my assistance and tried to help him with a number of issues he is having. He promised to take my suggestions but never acts upon them.
I am at a loss in how to help him out. I offered to stop out again for at least several weeks, if necessary, but after making hotel arrangements and speaking with him, decided to cancel. I am afraid that someone will take advantage of him.

Can I get some state organization or an elder law firm to 'reach' him?
He has a house which (used to be ...) worth $600k that has been sitting empty for 10 years??? Is it insured?

Do you know what shape the house is in? It could be in shambles unless someone has been keeping it up. The fact that he is letting this type of investment go to waste indicates a problem. That said, not sure what your options are if he refuses to look into any of this. He is likely in moderate to severe decline.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 11:45 am
by Klaxton
TN_Boy wrote: Sat Oct 19, 2019 10:41 am
Klaxton wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:07 am I have only one sibling (older) remaining who is is now at age 81 living in another state 2000+ miles distant, who, in my opinion, needs help. He is basically a shut-in, does not make good financial decisions, may be suffering from early dementia and has no will or trust. He also has health problems that makes it difficult for him to do some day-to-today tasks like mowing his lawn.

I have tried to help him in solving some basic issues. For instance, he owns a another home (approx $600,000 value) in which he does not live, bought it for rental income, located 60 mile distant from his home, but it has lied vacant in a nice neighborhood for the past ten years.

I visited with him a year ago and several other times in the past ten years, offered my assistance and tried to help him with a number of issues he is having. He promised to take my suggestions but never acts upon them.
I am at a loss in how to help him out. I offered to stop out again for at least several weeks, if necessary, but after making hotel arrangements and speaking with him, decided to cancel. I am afraid that someone will take advantage of him.

Can I get some state organization or an elder law firm to 'reach' him?
He has a house which (used to be ...) worth $600k that has been sitting empty for 10 years??? Is it insured?

Do you know what shape the house is in? It could be in shambles unless someone has been keeping it up. The fact that he is letting this type of investment go to waste indicates a problem. That said, not sure what your options are if he refuses to look into any of this. He is likely in moderate to severe decline.
My nephew and I visited the house 1.5 years ago with him. It is in very good condition and in a solid middle class neighborhood. The interior was recently updated and very nicely done. The yard and some exterior structure needs updating, I offered to 'manage' the property, work with contractors, to get those things done. But he does not commit. Hence, my problem.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sat Oct 19, 2019 3:22 pm
by NewMoneyMustBeSmart
Here's how I would think of it.

Is he of sound mind? If so, try to persuade him. But you can't make a horse drink, you can just lead it to water.

If he is not of sound mind, then work with the system in as much control as you can exercise, to get appointed responsible for him and help him.

Re: sibling and revocable living trust

Posted: Sun Oct 20, 2019 9:09 am
by fru-gal
Klaxton wrote: Sat Oct 19, 2019 11:45 am
TN_Boy wrote: Sat Oct 19, 2019 10:41 am
Klaxton wrote: Fri Oct 18, 2019 10:07 am I have only one sibling (older) remaining who is is now at age 81 living in another state 2000+ miles distant, who, in my opinion, needs help. He is basically a shut-in, does not make good financial decisions, may be suffering from early dementia and has no will or trust. He also has health problems that makes it difficult for him to do some day-to-today tasks like mowing his lawn.

I have tried to help him in solving some basic issues. For instance, he owns a another home (approx $600,000 value) in which he does not live, bought it for rental income, located 60 mile distant from his home, but it has lied vacant in a nice neighborhood for the past ten years.

I visited with him a year ago and several other times in the past ten years, offered my assistance and tried to help him with a number of issues he is having. He promised to take my suggestions but never acts upon them.
I am at a loss in how to help him out. I offered to stop out again for at least several weeks, if necessary, but after making hotel arrangements and speaking with him, decided to cancel. I am afraid that someone will take advantage of him.

Can I get some state organization or an elder law firm to 'reach' him?
He has a house which (used to be ...) worth $600k that has been sitting empty for 10 years??? Is it insured?

Do you know what shape the house is in? It could be in shambles unless someone has been keeping it up. The fact that he is letting this type of investment go to waste indicates a problem. That said, not sure what your options are if he refuses to look into any of this. He is likely in moderate to severe decline.
My nephew and I visited the house 1.5 years ago with him. It is in very good condition and in a solid middle class neighborhood. The interior was recently updated and very nicely done. The yard and some exterior structure needs updating, I offered to 'manage' the property, work with contractors, to get those things done. But he does not commit. Hence, my problem.
Who's been keeping the house up? Either he's functional enough to manage someone doing it, or he's lucked out in whoever he hired previously to do this. I think any house neglected for ten years is not going to be in very good condition.