Married with Separate bank accounts

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Dillonvillon
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Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Dillonvillon » Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm

I just wanted to know who here has a separate bank account from the spouse and why?

I share an account with mine, but we have different savings accounts. She has her's and I have mine. It helps with gifts and such for each other, but sometimes I just see her money sitting there, doing nothing, and I want to invest it. She is totally fine with just letting is sit and staying secure, and it kills me. haha! I'm an active trader in the market, so i can't stand seeing money just sit!

drawpoker
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by drawpoker » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:25 pm

Hmmm. Just how long have you been married? A month? 6 months?

It is her money, not your's. As you acknowledge. If she feels comfortable doing it this way, that's her business. She is an adult.

Unless she asks you for investment advice - my advice is for you to keep your mouth shut.

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RickBoglehead
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by RickBoglehead » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:30 pm

Avid user of forums on variety of interests-financial, home brewing, F-150, PHEV, home repair, etc. Enjoy learning & passing on knowledge. It's PRINCIPAL, not PRINCIPLE. I ADVISE you to seek ADVICE.

BuckyBadger
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by BuckyBadger » Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:57 pm

Dillonvillon wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm
I'm an active trader in the market, so i can't stand seeing money just sit!
I think you should leave your wife alone - I'd rather keep it in a savings account than risk it with active trading. Perhaps she can read our Wiki and start a passive lazy portfolio of her own.

Gill
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Gill » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:04 pm

Smart girl. She hardly needs an “active trader” to help her invest her funds.
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by StoopieHippo » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:06 pm

I've been married for ~3 years (together for 13) and we have completely separate finances. We've split the bills up so they're basically even and we take turns buying groceries each week and treating when we eat out, but the rest of our money is separate. We have different philosophies about spending - he's more of a spender and I'm more of a saver. Basically, if he's maxing out his 403b and his IRA and saving ~$1k/mo in taxable, he can spend on whatever he wants as long as our bills are paid. It works for us :)

MillennialFinance19
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by MillennialFinance19 » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:07 pm

You should read the wiki and prior posts on this site. Active trading isn’t consistent with the BH way. Your wife seems promising, however!

HomeStretch
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by HomeStretch » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:17 pm

Welcome!

Your and wife’s investing styles seem to be polar opposites. Suggest both of you read the BH wiki page “getting started” linked below. Perhaps it will help you both develop a mutually-agreeable joint savings/investing plan for your mutual financial/retirement goals.
https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Getting_started

Edited to answer your question - spouse and I have joint bank and Taxable accounts. If spouse was an active trader, I would not have joint accounts.
Last edited by HomeStretch on Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

BuddyJet
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by BuddyJet » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:18 pm

While most of our finances are joint, we both have separate bank, credit cards, and investment accounts to provide liquidity if one of us dies. Banks and credit card companies will freeze accounts when they learn of the passing and separate accounts provide liquidity to get things sorted out.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by ElJefeDelQueso » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:21 pm

Complex question - yours or mine - in the context of marriage. Separate accounts and finances without joint decision-making seems unwise if you are legally responsible for the financial decisions of your spouse ( and vice-versa). Depending on the state and circumstances, in divorce you may become entirely responsible for seemingly joint decisions or even decisions made entirely by your spouse without your knowledge.

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Doom&Gloom » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:25 pm

Dillonvillon wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm
I just wanted to know who here has a separate bank account from the spouse and why?

I share an account with mine, but we have different savings accounts. She has her's and I have mine. It helps with gifts and such for each other, but sometimes I just see her money sitting there, doing nothing, and I want to invest it. She is totally fine with just letting is sit and staying secure, and it kills me. haha! I'm an active trader in the market, so i can't stand seeing money just sit!
We do.

One reason is to help avoid either of us having such concerns or anxieties. Works for us; doesn't sound like you two have figured out the optimal system for you.

bankle
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by bankle » Wed Oct 09, 2019 8:34 pm

DH and I have always had separate accounts. Works for us. Married 26 years this month. No kids.

Two reasons I think:

1. We were both in our mid 30's, self-sufficient working people when we married. So we just stuck with it. We have always split expenses - "you pay for this, I pay for that.". Not 50/50, as DH has always made more than me, and we've moved twice for his career, so I've had a few blips in my career progression. We discuss the big expenses, max out the 401ks. Both of us are pretty good at avoiding major $$$ blowouts.

2. My mom was also, as it turned turns out, a mid 30's working gal when she and Dad married in the 1950's. She followed the "traditional" pattern of the era, stopped working, and became a splendid loving mom and homemaker. But I clearly remember her sharing with me the ladies' magazine articles that started to appear in the 1970's, about women who had also followed the traditional pattern, many of whom had never worked, and left bereft and adrift upon divorce or widowhood. No personal credit, no immediate access to accounts or the safety deposit box, etc. Mom impressed upon my sister and I the need to be prepared and self-sufficient. She was the one to make sure there were written instructions regarding accounts, funeral instructions, where the safety deposit box keys were, added our names to the box and accounts.

Anyway.

A combination of habit, independence, mutual agreement, and probably a smidgen of inertia.

I am the financial person of the family, track everything, prepare the materials for the tax guy each year, calculate retirement expenses and income. Just fyi, DH also has a nice chunk of change in his credit union, just itching for a better interest rate - I'm working on it :wink:

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by goodenyou » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:10 pm

Only separate checking accounts. Just for convenience, but her account is connected to mine. She can transfer between them. Transfers all her excess cash and bonuses to me for investing. Everything else 100% together. Only discuss individual purchases over $1000. I make all investing decisions including all her retirement accounts and pay all the bills and everything financial by her choice. She just tells me what bills she may have. All credit cards together. She has access to everything at all times and often checks the balance on the accounts. I have aggregated everything in Vanguard Portfolio Tool so she can see everything. There is no mine and hers in our relationship. Married 22 years, 3 kids. Never had an argument over money. Both professionals with high paying jobs, but live on less than my salary alone. Max out all 401k with company match and catch-up and solo 401k (her) and max out my (self-employed) 401k with catch-up and profit sharing (max possible). Works for us.
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bovineplane
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by bovineplane » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:58 pm

We are separate. Married 16 years so far. We are both employed. We split the bills although we don't track how equal the split is. I am the saver and take care of retirement and e-fund. She has always been a spender. Slowly she is coming around.

Most common cause of divorce is infidelity and money. If she is happy with the separation of money and the bills are paid then leave it alone. Stay faithful and stay married 😉

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Cubicle
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Cubicle » Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:53 pm

Another vote for keeping things separate, leave it alone. And I'm not married. Never in fact. Even argued with a prior romantic interest about the exact topic ("that's so much work, NO").

But on the advice of my accountant, lawyer, & one of my mentors (who has been married 22 years & has everything separate with her husband), at least maintain some separation of funds. Said mentor: "He buys & sells about 5-6 cars per year. That's his thing. I tell him, its your money, do what you like. I won't stop you. And I'm going to buy whatever it is I like. Household & children's expenses are paid for."

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Goal33 » Wed Oct 09, 2019 10:57 pm

I have a pretty large brokerage account in my name only from before marriage that I no longer contribute to.

My wife keeps her old Ally checking account with her maiden name in case she needs to cash any checks or do any banking with her maiden name. Came in handy once.
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9-5 Suited
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by 9-5 Suited » Wed Oct 09, 2019 11:12 pm

Coming from the perspective of someone who is 100% “ours” with all accounts treated as one collective pool*, I recommend at least considering the value of combining all your resources together. It really can help with shared goals and communication and ultimately simplifies things without creating needless friction or duplication. Of course there are successful marriages that don’t do this, but I see so many advantages from the inside that I would recommend it in most every typical case.

The gift buying thing is a total (and common) cop out. So many easy ways to get around it and it is such a minor thing in the scope of life. I tend to find there’s always a deeper reason for splitting, often related to distrust, shame about spending habits, or perception of unfairness. Maybe 25% of the time it sounds healthy and functional.

* Someone always points out that retirement accounts are technically individual. Fine. But the strategy and decision making is all based on collective pooling.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by goodenyou » Wed Oct 09, 2019 11:35 pm

I don’t want to get into the philosophy of marriage, but without respect, a marriage is doomed to failure. Savers have a hard time respecting spenders. In the event of divorce, the saver with be handing over half of their savings to the spender. That will create huge conflict unless separation of assets are well established legally. Again, good for personal financial health, but not a great marital success plan. My opinion.
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Momus » Wed Oct 09, 2019 11:39 pm

Are you in common law property states? If not, unless you have a prenup, separating finances doesn't really do anything after marriage. Any income after marriage is for the both of you. The money are still owned jointly. Her money is yours, your money is hers... You just put it in two different accounts. :oops: That's really YOUR money too that you let it sit not doing anything.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by marcopolo » Thu Oct 10, 2019 12:20 am

Just out of curiousity, a few question for those that keep separate investments.

Do you manage the portfolio as separate or combined for things such as asset allocation, rebalancing, and tax efficient placement? Do you do tax loss harvesting. How do you make sure there are not wash sales triggered across "yours" and "mine" account.

It seems that since the government views it as a single portfolio, keeping separate might cause more complexity?

I guess there are other advantages that people find more important. We never really gave it much thought and kept e everything together.
Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

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Stinky
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Stinky » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:16 am

Dillonvillon wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm
I'm an active trader in the market, so i can't stand seeing money just sit!
Welcome to the Forum! Glad that you posted your question.

FWIW, we pool everything, except for a little "fun money" account and credit card for DW.

I'm concerned with your comment about being an "active trader". Read the wiki, especially about the three-fund portfolio. Come back to the Forum if you still have questions about why the BH three-fund approach is superior to the "active trader" approach.
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SRenaeP
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by SRenaeP » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:32 am

Separate accounts. We used to also have a joint account but it was just one more thing to reconcile/track so I closed it. We keep separate accounts because we have differing money styles. DH gets nervous if he doesn't have thousands of dollars in checking. He wants to be able to cover anything without thinking about it or transferring from savings. I'm the opposite; I only keep a couple of hundred dollars above what's needed. I prefer artificial scarcity. Seeing a ton of money in checking makes me feel flush and more prone to spending. If it's in savings, it's out of sight out of mind for me.

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TomatoTomahto
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by TomatoTomahto » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:33 am

We have separate checking and “brokerage” accounts, but each have access to the other’s. In practice, I manage all the money, investments, bills, etc.; my wife has little interest.

I became a StayAtHomeDad almost 20 ago, so I have limited income, but wanted separate checking so that I could pay for children of my first marriage without feeling awkward. We treat major assets as “ours.” We’ve been married almost 25 years, have never really argued about money, but there were money tensions early in our marriage; my super capable wife has eradicated those by increasing her income. :D
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JoeRetire
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by JoeRetire » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:48 am

Dillonvillon wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm
I just wanted to know who here has a separate bank account from the spouse and why?
Once we got married, we no longer have hers and mine (other than our 401ks and IRA where we have no choice).
Everything is ours.
I'm an active trader in the market, so i can't stand seeing money just sit!
Maybe that's why she wants to keep her money separate.

It makes sense to me. I'm glad we never had that problem.
Last edited by JoeRetire on Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:54 am, edited 2 times in total.

SGM
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by SGM » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:49 am

We have separate joint checking accounts. We both have access to either account, but we keep separate check books. Both of us have similar saving and spending habits. Any significant financial issues are always discussed. We have never had any financial difficulties in over 3 decades of marriage.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Jack FFR1846 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:51 am

Dillonvillon wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm
I'm an active trader in the market, so i can't stand seeing money just sit!
So you're in a big hurry to lose not only your money but also her money?

She's the smart one. Even if it's earning 0%.
Bogle: Smart Beta is stupid

Ddd7651
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Ddd7651 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:55 am

We share everything and have everything combined. We have a "no discussion needed" policy for anything under a couple hundred dollars which is most everything we buy discretional. Anything above is discussed to make sure the accounts are balanced and to give a sanity check. Either one of us can still go above with dissent noted but without ultimate power to have control over the other (think expensive electronics, tvs). Generally, this has never been an issue as the respect has gone both ways. I've lost the battle on essential oil bundles so there is a "never a discussion needed no matter the cost" on that one.

latesaver
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by latesaver » Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:16 pm

marcopolo wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 12:20 am
Just out of curiousity, a few question for those that keep separate investments.

Do you manage the portfolio as separate or combined for things such as asset allocation, rebalancing, and tax efficient placement? Do you do tax loss harvesting. How do you make sure there are not wash sales triggered across "yours" and "mine" account.

It seems that since the government views it as a single portfolio, keeping separate might cause more complexity?

I guess there are other advantages that people find more important. We never really gave it much thought and kept e everything together.
i measure them as two distinct portfolios. not a big deal.

i tell my wife to move her $ into stocks or bonds depending on what is needed to be at 70/30, and also based on whether it's in her 401K or after tax accounts. i do the same in my accounts.

in Q4 2018 i was bugging her a lot to "sell this ETF and use the $ to repurchase that ETF".

dbr
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by dbr » Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:19 pm

If you discuss and agree what is to be done with money, spending, etc. then there can be joint accounts, separate accounts, and accounts on the moon and it all works.

If you don't want to discuss and agree probably nothing will bail you out.

SQRT
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by SQRT » Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:27 pm

marcopolo wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 12:20 am
Just out of curiousity, a few question for those that keep separate investments.

Do you manage the portfolio as separate or combined for things such as asset allocation, rebalancing, and tax efficient placement? Do you do tax loss harvesting. How do you make sure there are not wash sales triggered across "yours" and "mine" account.

It seems that since the government views it as a single portfolio, keeping separate might cause more complexity?

I guess there are other advantages that people find more important. We never really gave it much thought and kept e everything together.
We have separate, joint, portfolios which I manage. The income from her portfolio is hers to spend. The income from my portfolio (about 10 times hers) goes into the “pot” for joint expenses. Totally transparent to both of us. I discuss all securities trades with her before executing. She is interested, experienced (securities background and CPA) and seems to have a lot of confidence in me.

Accounts must be separate in Canada because there is no tax concept of “joint filing”. Taxable income must be attributed back to the person who funded the investment. Each portfolio holds about 10-12 individual names with a lot of overlap. Vast majority are in taxable accounts. Transactions, other than dividends, are rare.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Broken Man 1999 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:37 pm

Wife and I have had separate accounts for decades, a joint account many years ago. After our mortgage was paid, and our credit union wanted us to pay for the joint account, we closed it. We have no reason to count on the other to put $$$ into an account for joint bills. We no longer have any joint bills.

I invest her TIRA and Roth accounts just like mine with the exception I have a few individual stocks. For investments I consider the overall portfolio as one, save the individual stocks.

I pay my list of bills, and she pays her list of bills, and neither of us know (or care) about the other account each of us has.

Works for us.

Broken Man 1999
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JBTX
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by JBTX » Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:49 pm

I think it's a personal preference. We have 2 joint accounts, one primarily mine and one hers. At this point they don't serve the purpose they used to.

If I were OPS spouse I'd want separate also.

What I do have an issue with are those couples who keep separate and secret accounts. It is just a way for them to each blow money without the other seeing it. Not shockingly the couples I know who do this don't save much.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Thegame14 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:06 pm

Dillonvillon wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm
I just wanted to know who here has a separate bank account from the spouse and why?

I share an account with mine, but we have different savings accounts. She has her's and I have mine. It helps with gifts and such for each other, but sometimes I just see her money sitting there, doing nothing, and I want to invest it. She is totally fine with just letting is sit and staying secure, and it kills me. haha! I'm an active trader in the market, so i can't stand seeing money just sit!
My wife and I have a joint checking and individual savings. we put 60% of our paychecks into joint to pay the bills the rest goes into personal savings, we both have around $25K in personal, mine is in vanguard MM, hers I am not sure, she has high yield money market accounts like Capital one 360, but not sure how much she keeps there vs regular savings, and she knows about interest rates, and how to move money. We do it to maintain some autonomy. for example she likes to take dance classes and spends a lot more than I would want to know on classes and clothes and recitals and costumes, but it is her money so nothing I can do. I recently used some money to invest in a side hustle course to try and make more money and diversify my income, came from my money, nothing she can say about it. IT isn't 100% used perfectly, as I make more so I have more left over for individual savings, so I tend to put more joint expenses on my personal credit card and pay out of personal savings, to make up for the difference. But I also put $18K into 401K and she only does around $4K

It would make more sense to pool the money and for example pay off our car loan and still have good savings, but I have had some layoffs at work so we like to keep a good cash cushion and cash is king.

edit: we each know about how much the other has in savings and when it gets high we discuss what a good thing to do with extra money is, ie last month we paid an extra $2K towards the car loan. we have also discussed wife upping her 401K contributions, but right now seems like extra cash is alwasys a good idea, with two small kids, just found out today one of our dogs is very sick and will have medical bills, she almost had ACL surgery early this year which would have been $4K. Remember in God we trust, all others must pay cash....

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by ddunca1944 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:18 pm

Married 27 years. Our finances have evolved. We have "Ours", "Mine" and "His" accounts.

All income goes into the "Ours" joint account. We each get a set amount of spending money each month that goes into the "Mine" and "his" accounts. I don't even want to know what he spends his on (he's restoring a hot rod). He'd be annoyed to know how much I give my grandkids and spend on genealogy.

Any decision that affects both of us is discussed before any spending happens.

I manage the "Ours" account, but he has full access to it.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by LilyFleur » Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:47 pm

ddunca1944 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:18 pm
Married 27 years. Our finances have evolved. We have "Ours", "Mine" and "His" accounts.

All income goes into the "Ours" joint account. We each get a set amount of spending money each month that goes into the "Mine" and "his" accounts. I don't even want to know what he spends his on (he's restoring a hot rod). He'd be annoyed to know how much I give my grandkids and spend on genealogy.

Any decision that affects both of us is discussed before any spending happens.

I manage the "Ours" account, but he has full access to it.
In my former marriage, there was an "ours" account run by him with very little influence or input by me. Not ever doing that again. Now I'm single, with a high credit score, plenty of money for a modest lifestyle in a HCOL area, and I live within my means. I really like my independence. I am open to love but probably not to marriage.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by GeraniumLover » Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:59 pm

Early on, in part because I brought significant financial assets to the marriage and in part because we both had good-paying jobs, we kept separate accounts but calculated a percentage of income (same % for each) that each of us should contribute to a joint account for joint expenses, and we had separate credit cards for our non-joint expenses. That lasted only a short time, before I discovered DW was carrying a balance on her credit card and paying ridiculous interest. We paid that card off with joint assets, and thereafter she put 100% of her income to the joint account (and could use the joint account to pay for all of her expenses). I kept going with my personal account (and paying for my personal expenses from it), but have since continued (20+ years later) to contribute 85% of my income to the joint account (which was the % we were at when we changed the plan).

So this is a hybrid approach that seems to work when only one person wants to maintain a separate account. The trick is to figure out what % should go to the joint account.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by marcopolo » Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:20 pm

Broken Man 1999 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:37 pm
Wife and I have had separate accounts for decades, a joint account many years ago. After our mortgage was paid, and our credit union wanted us to pay for the joint account, we closed it. We have no reason to count on the other to put $$$ into an account for joint bills. We no longer have any joint bills.

I invest her TIRA and Roth accounts just like mine with the exception I have a few individual stocks. For investments I consider the overall portfolio as one, save the individual stocks.

I pay my list of bills, and she pays her list of bills, and neither of us know (or care) about the other account each of us has.

Works for us.

Broken Man 1999
Interesting.
Obviously a personal decision, with no right or wrong.

When you say you don't have joint bills, what does that mean. Do you keep separate residences? Otherwise, what about utilities, cable etc.

Not trying to be critical, just trying to understand a different approach that seems very foreign to me, like learning a different language. Looking at our own expenses and bills, I find the vast majority of them to be joint. Individual expenses are the exception. But, that may be just me using a different definition.
Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by michaeljc70 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:21 pm

We have separate accounts. We are on each other's accounts, but never touch the others. It works for us. It eliminates a lot of money issues IMO. Spouse has family outside the US that they send money to and things like that. We loosely split expenses relative to our incomes. We were not married at a young age and each had our own spending/saving/money methods.

Broken Man 1999
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Broken Man 1999 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:28 pm

LilyFleur wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:47 pm
ddunca1944 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 5:18 pm
Married 27 years. Our finances have evolved. We have "Ours", "Mine" and "His" accounts.

All income goes into the "Ours" joint account. We each get a set amount of spending money each month that goes into the "Mine" and "his" accounts. I don't even want to know what he spends his on (he's restoring a hot rod). He'd be annoyed to know how much I give my grandkids and spend on genealogy.

Any decision that affects both of us is discussed before any spending happens.

I manage the "Ours" account, but he has full access to it.
In my former marriage, there was an "ours" account run by him with very little influence or input by me. Not ever doing that again. Now I'm single, with a high credit score, plenty of money for a modest lifestyle in a HCOL area, and I live within my means. I really like my independence. I am open to love but probably not to marriage.
YES! I agree 100% on you being an independent woman. Especially today.

DW and I married in 1971. Her boss's wife worked at JC Penny, and DW decided to open up a JCP credit card. I was wholeheartedly in support, as DW could have needed credit should something happen to me.

I stressed to my daughters to always have individual credit cards, and accounts. That way they built up great credit scores. And, I'll be darned, they actually listened.

I am wife's agent at Vanguard, so I know what she is taking out each month because I set it up for her. What she does with her $$$ is no concern of mine. We both know the bills each of us are responsible for are getting paid and beyond that we respect each others privacy. Honestly, for a 3-4 months in 2017 she ran my accounts, as I was laid up. Truth be told, neither of us are big spenders anyway, but that is beside the point.

We have a sit down at the end of the year to finalize our taxes. We both know the important number, our withdrawal rate from our IRAs. Everything beyond that is just noise.

I wanted a strong partner in marriage, and I got what I wanted. Fortunately each generation seems to be growing more into equal partnerships, a natural progression of the two-income couple. Having only daughters, this is something we feel strongly about. One can be a great partner, and also be an independent individual as well.

Broken Man 1999
“If I cannot drink Bourbon and smoke cigars in Heaven than I shall not go. " -Mark Twain

Broken Man 1999
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Broken Man 1999 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:12 pm

marcopolo wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:20 pm
Broken Man 1999 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:37 pm
Wife and I have had separate accounts for decades, a joint account many years ago. After our mortgage was paid, and our credit union wanted us to pay for the joint account, we closed it. We have no reason to count on the other to put $$$ into an account for joint bills. We no longer have any joint bills.

I invest her TIRA and Roth accounts just like mine with the exception I have a few individual stocks. For investments I consider the overall portfolio as one, save the individual stocks.

I pay my list of bills, and she pays her list of bills, and neither of us know (or care) about the other account each of us has.

Works for us.

Broken Man 1999
Interesting.
Obviously a personal decision, with no right or wrong.

When you say you don't have joint bills, what does that mean. Do you keep separate residences? Otherwise, what about utilities, cable etc.

Not trying to be critical, just trying to understand a different approach that seems very foreign to me, like learning a different language. Looking at our own expenses and bills, I find the vast majority of them to be joint. Individual expenses are the exception. But, that may be just me using a different definition.
No, we live with each other. Joint bills were bills that took both our resources to pay, like when we had a mortgage. When we both worked, we did a split based on income ratio. Today we have no car payments, mortgage, or any other interest paying debt.

DW pays the cell phone bill, groceries, and gas for the van. I pay everything else. She also buys soft goods for the home, and sometimes a piece of furniture, decorations she wants. And, the granddaughters love doing crafts with her, so she spends a fair amount on them. She enjoys having them here making all sorts of things.

Next month 48 years of marriage, so I guess it is working fine. We both had good jobs, but maintained an appropriate standard of living based on our income, which meant we always had plenty of money for discretionary spending. We always paid ourselves first, paid our bills, and were able to spend on our wants as well. That method I believe contributed the most to our portfolio.

Broken Man 1999
“If I cannot drink Bourbon and smoke cigars in Heaven than I shall not go. " -Mark Twain

marcopolo
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Joined: Sat Dec 03, 2016 10:22 am

Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by marcopolo » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:31 pm

Broken Man 1999 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:12 pm
marcopolo wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 6:20 pm
Broken Man 1999 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 3:37 pm
Wife and I have had separate accounts for decades, a joint account many years ago. After our mortgage was paid, and our credit union wanted us to pay for the joint account, we closed it. We have no reason to count on the other to put $$$ into an account for joint bills. We no longer have any joint bills.

I invest her TIRA and Roth accounts just like mine with the exception I have a few individual stocks. For investments I consider the overall portfolio as one, save the individual stocks.

I pay my list of bills, and she pays her list of bills, and neither of us know (or care) about the other account each of us has.

Works for us.

Broken Man 1999
Interesting.
Obviously a personal decision, with no right or wrong.

When you say you don't have joint bills, what does that mean. Do you keep separate residences? Otherwise, what about utilities, cable etc.

Not trying to be critical, just trying to understand a different approach that seems very foreign to me, like learning a different language. Looking at our own expenses and bills, I find the vast majority of them to be joint. Individual expenses are the exception. But, that may be just me using a different definition.
No, we live with each other. Joint bills were bills that took both our resources to pay, like when we had a mortgage. When we both worked, we did a split based on income ratio. Today we have no car payments, mortgage, or any other interest paying debt.

DW pays the cell phone bill, groceries, and gas for the van. I pay everything else. She also buys soft goods for the home, and sometimes a piece of furniture, decorations she wants. And, the granddaughters love doing crafts with her, so she spends a fair amount on them. She enjoys having them here making all sorts of things.

Next month 48 years of marriage, so I guess it is working fine. We both had good jobs, but maintained an appropriate standard of living based on our income, which meant we always had plenty of money for discretionary spending. We always paid ourselves first, paid our bills, and were able to spend on our wants as well. That method I believe contributed the most to our portfolio.

Broken Man 1999
Well done!
Thanks for sharing your approach.
Once in a while you get shown the light, in the strangest of places if you look at it right.

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bengal22
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by bengal22 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:41 pm

Married 43 years and we have been joint since day 1. Can't imagine not comingling our funds and as a team handling the family expenses and investments.
"Earn All You Can; Give All You Can; Save All You Can." .... John Wesley

michaeljc70
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by michaeljc70 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:21 pm

bengal22 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:41 pm
Married 43 years and we have been joint since day 1. Can't imagine not comingling our funds and as a team handling the family expenses and investments.
What if was your 2nd "team" or 3rd "team? Pretty common these days.

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bengal22
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Location: Ohio

Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by bengal22 » Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:47 pm

michaeljc70 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:21 pm
bengal22 wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 7:41 pm
Married 43 years and we have been joint since day 1. Can't imagine not comingling our funds and as a team handling the family expenses and investments.
What if was your 2nd "team" or 3rd "team? Pretty common these days.
Won't be a second team.
"Earn All You Can; Give All You Can; Save All You Can." .... John Wesley

Lazareth
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Re: Married with Separate bank accounts

Post by Lazareth » Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:44 pm

Dillonvillon wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 5:59 pm
I just wanted to know who here has a separate bank account from the spouse and why?
When we got married 33 years ago we each had a checking account with direct-deposit wages so we just kept it that way. We added each others' name to our respective checking accounts so they're technically 'joint' accounts but I've yet to see one of her monthly statements.

The checking accounts are just an extension of our personal wallets. We agree on who-pays-what for routine bills and the big outlays come out of the joint brokerage/savings account. Surpluses in our checking accounts get volunteered to the 'big' joint saving account and fund our Roth's/IRA's. Those accounts represent 95% of our liquid wealth which we manage Boglehead style and keep an updated written investment plan.

It's very easy because we trust each other. I think it's been great for our marriage... no asking what was this for? or what was that for? No explaining. No worry about a whimsical or self-indulgent purchase.

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