If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
Post Reply
Topic Author
B4Xt3r
Posts: 479
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2016 5:56 am

If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by B4Xt3r » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:28 am

Hi all,

If one accepts a counter-offer, what are some strategies to help mend the tension in the relationship with one's manager?

As a start, I was thinking that after a month or so, just having a quick chat and thanking one's manager for their vote of confidence that they want me to be here and that I'm happy and that I am also glad to be here. What else can one do?

Thanks!

-b4xt3r

fabdog
Posts: 803
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:59 pm
Location: Williamsburg VA

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by fabdog » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:34 am

There a re a number of threads here (see search box) and on the web in general on pros/cons of accepting a counter offer.

Not likely much you can do to "mend the tension" or rebuild the trust other than give an excellent performance in your job.

From your bosses/companies perspective you have shown you are willing to jump. Be assured they are working on plans to mitigate the impact if you leave, which makes it easier to let you go

I hope they gave you quite a bit to stay

Mike

AZAttorney11
Posts: 606
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 12:12 pm

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by AZAttorney11 » Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:34 am

Why wait a month?

bgatze
Posts: 35
Joined: Fri Aug 09, 2019 9:26 am
Location: Aberdeen, SD

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by bgatze » Fri Sep 20, 2019 8:44 am

B4Xt3r wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:28 am
Hi all,

If one accepts a counter-offer, what are some strategies to help mend the tension in the relationship with one's manager?

As a start, I was thinking that after a month or so, just having a quick chat and thanking one's manager for their vote of confidence that they want me to be here and that I'm happy and that I am also glad to be here. What else can one do?

Thanks!

-b4xt3r
I can only tell you my experience.

I accepted an offer and made it clear to my executive team the reason I took that offer. When the counter offer came it directly addressed my reasons for wanting to leave; true to their word they followed through with the items in full. Even so it took alot of time for the trust to be rebuilt and stop thinking I had one foot out the door.

Some things I did at the time to help ease this transition back.
1. Kept the conversation going on some of the issues I initially detailed when I accepted an external offer-Really if this is all you do it will be fine.
2. Offered to sign a noncompete for a 2 year time frame. They showed a TON of faith in me by handing me control of everything within their counter offer as well as made this more than worthwhile for me. They didn't even consider having me sign this but appreciated the offer and the knowledge that I was willing to show I was all in with them.
3. You really just need to be a rockstar employee. I consistantly provide above and beyond my expectation for delivering results; I am not just saying do a great job at what you do. I am saying find additonal ways to bring more value beyond your normal duties. This could be as simple of brining solutions to small problems within your department.
4. I don't dance around the fact that I had planned to leave; I talk about it directly and it gives me the opportunity to just say with confidence while looking the executive team in the eye. "I can't believe that was only a year ago, I am so incredibly happy things changed that allowed me to stay and I could not be happier in my role now."

A counter offer is almost always a bad idea unless they are able to change the reason behind you initially wanting to leave. In my case it was fully addressed and still at times I feel like they doubt my resolve to stay. Time ultimately will be the only thing that helps this relationship be mended.
“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” | ― Margaret Mead

LawyersGunsAndMoney
Posts: 145
Joined: Tue Aug 02, 2016 2:00 pm

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by LawyersGunsAndMoney » Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:12 am

It really depends on the circumstances of your initial notice and the terms of your counter-offer.

If you attemped to give notice because of a great opportunity elsewhere, and they counter-offered because you're a valuable member of the team and retaining you is critical to the business - then there's probably not too many fences that need to be mended. Perhaps a politically-savvy check-in a few months in to let your manager know how happy you are that you chose to stay.

If you provided a laundry list of grievances when you gave notice or in negotiating your counter-offer, then you've already sost of lost the game. I would probably not bother trying to mend any fences in this case. What happened happened - you're still here, and you know that you're valuable to other employers.

sport
Posts: 8567
Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 3:26 pm
Location: Cleveland, OH

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by sport » Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:27 am

There is always the possibility that they made the counter-offer because it would be inconvenient for them if you left now. However, they may be angry at you and want to replace you as soon as they can find a suitable replacement. So, the counter-offer may work out well for you, but it is possible that you will be let go in the not too distant future. So, that is something you should be prepared for.

Topic Author
B4Xt3r
Posts: 479
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2016 5:56 am

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by B4Xt3r » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:42 pm

LawyersGunsAndMoney wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:12 am
It really depends on the circumstances of your initial notice and the terms of your counter-offer.

If you attemped to give notice because of a great opportunity elsewhere, and they counter-offered because you're a valuable member of the team and retaining you is critical to the business - then there's probably not too many fences that need to be mended. Perhaps a politically-savvy check-in a few months in to let your manager know how happy you are that you chose to stay.

...
That is my perspective of what happened.

Topic Author
B4Xt3r
Posts: 479
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2016 5:56 am

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by B4Xt3r » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:43 pm

sport wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 9:27 am
There is always the possibility that they made the counter-offer because it would be inconvenient for them if you left now. However, they may be angry at you and want to replace you as soon as they can find a suitable replacement. So, the counter-offer may work out well for you, but it is possible that you will be let go in the not too distant future. So, that is something you should be prepared for.
This is a downside risk I choose to take, so how should I hedge against it and help make my manager realize that I don't have one foot out the door?

Topic Author
B4Xt3r
Posts: 479
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2016 5:56 am

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by B4Xt3r » Fri Sep 20, 2019 3:44 pm

fabdog wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:34 am
There a re a number of threads here (see search box) and on the web in general on pros/cons of accepting a counter offer.

Not likely much you can do to "mend the tension" or rebuild the trust other than give an excellent performance in your job.

From your bosses/companies perspective you have shown you are willing to jump. Be assured they are working on plans to mitigate the impact if you leave, which makes it easier to let you go

I hope they gave you quite a bit to stay

Mike
So how do I rebuild some trust?

fabdog
Posts: 803
Joined: Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:59 pm
Location: Williamsburg VA

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by fabdog » Fri Sep 20, 2019 4:21 pm

As noted above, doing awesome work will certainly help.

You can try sitting down with the boss as noted above and telling him/her how much what they did meant to you and you were happy to stay

All that said... it depends on your bosses (and other decision makers) at your current company.

It sounds like from your posts they had no idea you were unhappy... and maybe you weren't. But the other offer showed up, and the first they knew they had a problem was when you told them you were leaving. So even if they are the most forgiving folks in the world... somewhere in the back of their minds they worry it's just a matter of time before another great offer shows up.

Hence they will to some degree be preparing to be better positioned next time you surprise them. I'm not saying you will... but no one's a mind reader... and if you were in their shoes how would you prudently prepare for the next surprise?

Mike

Topic Author
B4Xt3r
Posts: 479
Joined: Thu Sep 29, 2016 5:56 am

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by B4Xt3r » Sat Sep 21, 2019 6:21 am

fabdog wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 4:21 pm
As noted above, doing awesome work will certainly help....
Yeah, that's a given.
fabdog wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 4:21 pm
...You can try sitting down with the boss as noted above and telling him/her how much what they did meant to you and you were happy to stay...
I like this idea as well.
fabdog wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 4:21 pm
...
It sounds like from your posts they had no idea you were unhappy... and maybe you weren't. But the other offer showed up, and the first they knew they had a problem was when you told them you were leaving. So even if they are the most forgiving folks in the world... somewhere in the back of their minds they worry it's just a matter of time before another great offer shows up.
...
I had a feeling that I was underpaid (likely my mistake during initial negotiations, and the only issue of substance I have with my current job), so I interviewed around a bit and found someone willing to pay me market rate. Their counter-offer was to me generous & well within market. Perhaps even slightly above.
fabdog wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 4:21 pm
...
Hence they will to some degree be preparing to be better positioned next time you surprise them. I'm not saying you will... but no one's a mind reader... and if you were in their shoes how would you prudently prepare for the next surprise?
...
I don't anticipate a next surprise because I am happy now, the question of this thread is to try and help my manager see that.

User avatar
sperry8
Posts: 1916
Joined: Sat Mar 29, 2008 9:25 pm
Location: Miami FL

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by sperry8 » Sat Sep 21, 2019 6:24 am

B4Xt3r wrote:
Fri Sep 20, 2019 7:28 am
Hi all,

If one accepts a counter-offer, what are some strategies to help mend the tension in the relationship with one's manager?

As a start, I was thinking that after a month or so, just having a quick chat and thanking one's manager for their vote of confidence that they want me to be here and that I'm happy and that I am also glad to be here. What else can one do?

Thanks!

-b4xt3r
I've done it in my career. Best advice I can give is to be empathetic and lay out the counter-offer and then say, you see why I had to accept? Akin to saying "what would you do?" (rhetorically of course, as you've already decided what you're going to do). By being clear and open you at least show them what/why you had to accept.
BH contest results: 2018: #150 of 493 | 2017: #516 of 647 | 2016: #121 of 610 | 2015: #18 of 552 | 2014: #225 of 503 | 2013: #383 of 433 | 2012: #366 of 410 | 2011: #113 of 369 | 2010: #53 of 282

Bacchus01
Posts: 3182
Joined: Mon Dec 24, 2012 9:35 pm

Re: If accepting counter-offer, strategies to help relationship with manager

Post by Bacchus01 » Sat Sep 21, 2019 6:34 am

Start by not accepting the counter offer. Sometimes it works out great. That sometimes is about 1 in 100 though.

Post Reply