Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

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Bob Sacamano
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Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Bob Sacamano » Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:33 pm

right now we are trying for a baby. in a perfect world we nail the timing where we conceive soon and have the baby just as we're approaching next summer break.

that said, you obviously can't time these things - you can only hope your plans work out.

that aside, what are some other things to be cognizant of as it relates to benefits and insurance and such. her district offers her AFLAC Short Term Disability as well as FSA - the former of which i am not convinced of and the latter i have yet to really look into.

anything else to think about?

thanks all!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by ponyboy » Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm

I would get term life insurance, for both of you.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by anon_investor » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:07 pm

Look into how much it will cost out-of-pocket, which will depend on your insurance, and make sure you have that budgeted. For my last child, even though we had an HMO with no deductible, we did have to pay co-pays for each doctor's visit (up to the out-of-pocket). My spouse ended up having some complications, which resulted in a lot of doctor's visits, tests and a few overnight hospital stays. Luckily our maximum out-of-pocket was relatively low, but those costs were not something we were expecting.

Also, make sure all the tests are covered by insurance. Our doctor ran some test which our insurance would not initially cover. We appealed and got our insurance to cover 50%, but we still owed almost $1k. Luckily we were able to negotiate with the company that processed the test, and they waived our 50% so we ended up not having to pay anything out-of-pocket.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by runner540 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:13 pm

ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
+1 before wife gets pregnant!
Set aside money not just for insurance copays but also for things that may be important to your wife/baby/you but are not covered by insurance (examples include prenatal yoga, massages, doula, lactation help, body pillows, maternity clothes, optional testing, etc). $1-2k for this stuff at least.

Run a budget with childcare factored in (very specific to your schedule needs and geography)
Find a doctor she likes and trusts if she doesn't already have one.
Learn as much as you can about the "business" of childbirth so you are educated and can advocate for yourself.
Last edited by runner540 on Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:32 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by dbr » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:15 pm

Timing is not always possible but it is nice for maternity leave to run into summer for maximum continuous time off.

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Bob Sacamano
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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Bob Sacamano » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:18 pm

ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
may i ask where to start with this? it honestly didn't really cross my mind but it does make sense.

do BH's have a favorite company to get LI through?

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by miamivice » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:20 pm

It's not financial, but be ready for a lot of difficulty in picking baby names. Every common name will probably remind your wife of a student that she's had in her class. A lot of teachers that I know have named their kids very unusual names, simply because that name hasn't already been associated with a student.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by is50xenough » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:24 pm

Good time to start looking into 529 if you can do that.
Have a will.
Have medical power of attorney
Make sure all accounts have beneficiary
Think about who would take care of child if something happens to you guys.
Likely insurance on both since one person will find it hard to work and do child care so both parents important in this regard no matter what income (to some degree).

Few thoughts off the top of my head

Good luck!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by dm200 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:26 pm

No "expert", but I believe trying to successful time the pregnancy/birth - and still have the baby - are close to impossible.

Be fully aware of both maternity and paternity leave. I think there were some posts about some oddities of such leave for teachers.

There may be some aspects of parental leave that are different than literal reading of the polices.

Consider and evaluate returning to teaching part time - at least for a while.

Chat with coworkers who have gone through this and work related matters.

Be aware of the probably large differences between being out for a "normal" pregnancy/birth - and those with complications.

Line up physician(s) and hospital alternatives and choices. While "quality" is more important, look for lower cost alternatives, if any. Review your insurance coverage for the best fit - cost vs. financial and other risks.

Keep eyes and ears open for baby care, nannies, etc. that will become available when their current clients children get older.

Be nice to family and friends that can help you, if needed.

Some schools actually have childcare onsite or nearby. Check that out.

Become educated about when to notify employer that you are pregnant. I suspect that is much like "Goldilocks" - not too soon, not too late - but just right.


Best wishes!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:31 pm

I would keep stress down to a minimum. Find a way to eliminate as much as you can before/during/after. More stress, not good for you/her or an addition. I also would not broadcast it to others (just adds to stress) except on an anonymous internet forum.
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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by rascott » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:34 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:18 pm
ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
may i ask where to start with this? it honestly didn't really cross my mind but it does make sense.

do BH's have a favorite company to get LI through?


Don't need to be in a rush....getting a term policy while my wife was pregnant was a non-issue.

I went to Term4Sale to get pricing ideas. It's basically a commodity type product, I would use an independent broker who can shop a bunch of lines...just make sure the insurer is fairly well rated.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:38 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:18 pm
ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
may i ask where to start with this? it honestly didn't really cross my mind but it does make sense.

do BH's have a favorite company to get LI through?
Term4sale.com or Zander.com

You pick the insurance company out of the list of prices they quote you based on data you fill out.
Don't let anyone try to pin you to the one with higher premiums. AVOID Whole Life Insurance or Variable/Universal Life Insurance. You want pure TERM only. Insurance is insurance, you live you pay premium, you don't they pay your beneficiary. Get a policy on you payable to wife and wife payable to you. Twenty years should be enough to take kid to 1st year of college. Add up all of your known expenses less assets that is what your policy amount should be for. Figure mortgage, any debts, 5 years of living expenses since it will take spouse time to overcome grief, funds for daycare and other things for child. Usually 10-15 times gross income should be sufficient. Don't forget, social security will pay a death benefit to surviving spouse and child (up to age 16-18) - read your social security statement on www.ssa.gov for an estimate of benefit.
Last edited by Grt2bOutdoors on Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by wolf359 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:39 pm

Borrow "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD from your library or Netflix.

Basically, it shows you how to put a baby that is 0-6 months old to sleep or at least calm down. This was very effective for us.

It is also a book, but the DVD is more effective in teaching the method.

Try to organize a babysitting club among your friends and neighbors. This gives you a backup plan if you have an emergency, as well as emergency contacts.
Last edited by wolf359 on Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by livesoft » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:40 pm

Many people will offer well-meaning advice. You can ignore most of it.
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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:43 pm

wolf359 wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:39 pm
Borrow "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD from your library or Netflix.

Basically, it shows you how to put a baby that is 0-6 months old to sleep or at least calm down. This was very effective for us.

It is also a book, but the DVD is more effective in teaching the method.
Eh...swaddle the baby, and you'll find they are most comforted by that. Never let baby sleep on stomach, always on their back. You'll learn this stuff in hospital, ours offered a pre-birth class - 1 day learn the ins and outs of swaddling, burping, what to expect. We bought the books, rented the DVD from library, found it to be a waste of time, but it could be different for you.
"One should invest based on their need, ability and willingness to take risk - Larry Swedroe" Asking Portfolio Questions

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:43 pm

livesoft wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:40 pm
Many people will offer well-meaning advice. You can ignore most of it.
+1 Less stress! :D
"One should invest based on their need, ability and willingness to take risk - Larry Swedroe" Asking Portfolio Questions

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Bob Sacamano » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:50 pm

wow this took off in a hurry. thank you to all who have replied and all who will do so. very informative and much appreciated!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Thegame14 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:51 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:33 pm
right now we are trying for a baby. in a perfect world we nail the timing where we conceive soon and have the baby just as we're approaching next summer break.

that said, you obviously can't time these things - you can only hope your plans work out.

that aside, what are some other things to be cognizant of as it relates to benefits and insurance and such. her district offers her AFLAC Short Term Disability as well as FSA - the former of which i am not convinced of and the latter i have yet to really look into.

anything else to think about?

thanks all!
How old are you both, especially wife? She should have already started pre-natal vitamins, and you can take some supplements too, I think I remember Zinc for men. Obvisously don't wear tight under wear, keeping stress managed also helps, but I assume the trying part should be helping with that. If you can time her peak ovulation periods and then make sure you are "trying" every other day during that period of time. there should also be state insurance ie here we have NJFMLA, so wife gets 6 weeks from state of NJ and additional 6 weeks FMLA, plus vacation time. I would start thinking about where baby is going to stay, ie a bedroom, if you need to convert an office or man cave into a bedroom. I would start thinking of names if you haven't already. You can start researching 529 plans, start thinking about a baby registry, but probably want to wait for the positive test for some of that. I think most important for trying to conceive is the vitamins for wife, low stress, and timing her fertility cycle.

longer term, baby sleeps with absolutely nothing in crib, no toys, blankets, bumpers absolutely nothing, all babies get sick, sleep sucks the first 6 weeks, but after that it isn't as bad as you hear. for first baby we took shifts where one parent went to sleep for 5 hours straight while other stayed up watching the baby, second child he slept 4-5 hours from day 1 so didn't need shifts. baby always sleeps on back and older, up to like 3 or 4 they should be on their backs.

Check your insurance for your out of pocket max, you are likely to hit this having a baby, and then see if you can open an HSA next year to put pre-tax money in to pay for your costs.

Also start researching daycares, some are full and have waiting lists, and prepare for the cost of $1,500-$1,800 per month for daycare.
Last edited by Thegame14 on Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Stinky » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:53 pm

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:38 pm
Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:18 pm
ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
may i ask where to start with this? it honestly didn't really cross my mind but it does make sense.

do BH's have a favorite company to get LI through?
Term4sale.com or Zander.com

You pick the insurance company out of the list of prices they quote you based on data you fill out.
Don't let anyone try to pin you to the one with higher premiums. AVOID Whole Life Insurance or Variable/Universal Life Insurance. You want pure TERM only. Insurance is insurance, you live you pay premium, you don't they pay your beneficiary. Get a policy on you payable to wife and wife payable to you. Twenty years should be enough to take kid to 1st year of college. Add up all of your known expenses less assets that is what your policy amount should be for. Figure mortgage, any debts, 5 years of living expenses since it will take spouse time to overcome grief, funds for daycare and other things for child. Usually 10-15 times gross income should be sufficient. Don't forget, social security will pay a death benefit to surviving spouse and child (up to age 16-18) - read your social security statement on www.ssa.gov for an estimate of benefit.
This is excellent advice.

I’ve used Zander.com for purchasing insurance twice. Very good service, and prices that are as good as anywhere.
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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Vanguard Fan 1367 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:56 pm

The wife and I love kids, have 4 of them. I didn't realize the truth of the advice that "childhood is like driving through a small town, you blink and its over." I put some other things like golf ahead of the kids and had I to do it over again I would make the kids more of a priority. At least my wife didn't do what some wives do and kick me out and make me pay child support!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by ohai » Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:58 pm

OP, what is your company policy on paternity leave?

From what I've seen, women are usually adamant on taking maximum leave, which is something like 3 months. However, nowadays, apparently it is better if the father also takes time off later, so baby has more time under parental supervision in their early months.

I would not be surprised if your wife strongly suggests that you take a couple months off.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by jrbdmb » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:07 pm

Obviously a baby at any time is a blessing, but I would try to avoid having a child in September / October. Once they reach school age you then have a choice to either (1) send them to Kindergarten and First Grade when they are first eligible and have them be the youngest in the class, or (2) hold them back an additional year and have them be the oldest in the class. Either way way you will have friends and relatives and possibly the child questioning your decision. :?

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by txbabe » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:11 pm

I highly recc starting to track cycles - there are online apps that do this such thing. Understanding your fertility signs can be really helpful. For me there was no waiting to tell anyone about my pregnancy - vomiting at most smells at 6 weeks was hard to hide. Best of luck!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by hillman » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:14 pm

FSA - make sure your plan (or hers) allows for changes based on "qualifying events." We are in North Carolina and have just had our first child. He will be going into daycare in November and I assumed (incorrectly) that we would be able to change my wife's elections on her FSA (both to max out the withholding and to establish the dependent care benefit). The county's health plan (unusually, per the benefits administrator) does not allow any changes outside of the open enrollment window (rant to follow).

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Soon2BXProgrammer » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:22 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:33 pm
right now we are trying for a baby. in a perfect world we nail the timing where we conceive soon and have the baby just as we're approaching next summer break.

that said, you obviously can't time these things - you can only hope your plans work out.

that aside, what are some other things to be cognizant of as it relates to benefits and insurance and such. her district offers her AFLAC Short Term Disability as well as FSA - the former of which i am not convinced of and the latter i have yet to really look into.

anything else to think about?

thanks all!
Just have fun!

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Bob Sacamano
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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Bob Sacamano » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:23 pm

thanks all. so i notice no comments on the AFLAC Short Term Disability - is that best to avoid/unnecessary?

she gets 6 weeks paid (via sick days) and 6 weeks unpaid via FMLA (i believe).

i get 2 weeks paid - can be used consecutively or intermittently.

i will look into the term life insurance stuff.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by daheld » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:27 pm

1. Get your estate in order. Set up financial accounts and other relevant assets as TOD or transfer on death.
2. Get a will. My wife and I have a 7 month old. The will was complete and official by the time he was 1 month old. It cost $600 for both of us to get a will and POAs (healthcare and general durable POA), which is well worth it to me.
3. Buy some life insurance if it make sense. My wife has a chronic disease and nobody would dream of selling her a LI policy, but we bought one for me that's about 10x my income, 20 year term. About $330/year. Start with Term4Sale and see who offers the best rates.
4. Don't sweat the small stuff and do what you want. Everyone has an opinion on literally every part of having and raising kids, and their opinions could not matter less. Talk things over with your partner and make the best decision for your family.
5. Take as much time off as you can. My wife got about 15 weeks and I got about 5. I cannot tell you how much it meant for me to be there for my wife for over a month. It was still a hard transition for me to go back and leave her alone at home, but that first month is just hard no matter what, and me being able to be there to help was an enormous benefit that I am profoundly grateful for.
6. Sleep now. It gets better, but in the moment it will feel like you haven't slept in weeks.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by RobLyons » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:30 pm

Here's some must knows to put your mind at ease.

Wife and I had our 2 kids without
life insurance
wills
529s
much money
medical power of attorney
beneficiaries
any planning

And through thousands of years humans have been having offspring without any of the above


Seriously it's one of the great marvels of life. It's a great time and try to enjoy it and take it all in.. Take lots of pics/videos.
All the things discussed here are great but can easily add undo stress to an otherwise joyous time in your lives!



But since you asked what to plan:

- search for pediatricians - what are their hours? open weekends/late nights are important!
- The baby will outgrow any newborn clothes almost immediately upon birth, ask for 6 month+ clothes if you have a baby shower
- Will both parents continue to work?
--> we decided she will stay home, but work part time, and I left my job and returned to school for career change.
----> We still could easily afford all bills, food, etc
- Make time to attend the major prenatal appointments (most are routine, uneventful)
- You don't need to buy the biggest/best
- Plan as much time off as possible. They grow in the blink of an eye
"Great parenting sets the foundation for a better world"

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by dm200 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:42 pm

Regarding "disability insurance" - some kinds of disability insurance consider "normal pregnancy" as not covered by such insurance, while other kinds consider "normal pregnancy" as eligible for such coverage. I believe this difference is related to the applicable laws and regulations.

I would make sure I fully understood all such "disability" coverage.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Watty » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:51 pm

What are some "must-knows" and other tips?
A few things;

1) Every baby is different. Often you will have to try several things to figure out what works for you and your kid.

When you hear or advice there will be some firms things to do, like if you should put the baby to sleep on their stomach or back, but 90% of it will be more of a recommendation than a rule.

2) 6 hours sleep is a full nights sleep. :D

3) Someone mentioned the old adage, "Kids grow up fast." and it is true. By the time they are maybe 8 they will have a lot of other activities with their school and friends. Before that in some ways you will be the center of your world so don't miss out on that since that is a very limited and valuable time. That does not mean that you need to go to Disneyland every weekend since just doing something like taking them with you when you go to the hardware store and run errands will give you time together. You can still have some great times with them when they are older and teenagers but it will be a lot different then.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by DaftInvestor » Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:54 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:18 pm
ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
may i ask where to start with this? it honestly didn't really cross my mind but it does make sense.

do BH's have a favorite company to get LI through?
First question is "do you need it?" If you both could independently support raising a child the answer might be no. (In the case of me/my-spouse - the answer was yes for me and no for my spouse).

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by rj342 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:00 pm

I would be prepared, and expect, to find that AFLAC considers normal pregnancy and childbirth NOT a disability.

Actual medical complications that block coming back to work after maternity leave and/or Family Medical leave Act (12wks no pay) should be covered. Hopefully *psychological* issues like bad postpartum depression would be covered too.

Teacher is about the best career (along with some in healthcare) for working and having kids and sidestepping the tough choice of year round 8-5 daycare vs staying at home a few years.

Teacher wife and I lucked out and had our son July 10 (he's now 21). In her public school district they had a maternity policy that lets a tenured teacher take 12 months off for a birth (without pay) and their slot is held at their school, teaching same grade, and generally same classroom.
See if there is some similar benefit. School hires an 'interim' teacher (fully certified, not a sub), which is a great way for a school and a freshly graduated teacher to try each other out. That first year at home with baby was great for bonding, and also breast feeding as long as possible (we had difficulties, always had to supplement, but that's another story).

He was born, she took that next year off. Year after when she went back, from age 1 to 2, her parents kept him. Since they lived less than a block from her school, grandpa would sometimes wheel our son down to her classroom in the afternoon while she finished up.
The year after that, we put him in a Montessori school in pre-K three years -- her father picked him up at 2:30 every day and she retrieved son from their house (near her school) on way home. Other bit of luck -- an older cousin of hers was lead teacher at the Montessori so we really knew he was in good hands.

When he reached normal kindergarten age, he started at her school through 5th grade. We are Catholic and went to parochial school ourselves, but simpler logistics, saved tuition, and her unofficial ability as an insider to pick his teachers (and knowing he would have plenty of ppl keeping an extra eye out for him) all pointed that direction. When child is old enough, if her school is outside of your home's district, but is good, she should be able to get a special transfer to let kid go to her school because of logistics.

We had him do CCD, then for middle school and high school he went to Catholic. Several people advised us to have him make the jump from public to parochial then at 6th grade and not wait to freshman year of HS, when major changes and no friends could be overwhelming.
Last edited by rj342 on Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by dm200 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:01 pm

If all of our parents had to be so "fully prepared" for us - as being suggested here - I suspect the vast majority of us would not be here.

No experience - we adopted our son - but many fathers I know suggest convincing the mother to breast feed the baby; these fathers report that they get a lot more sleep that way.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by dm200 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:08 pm

dm200 wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:42 pm
Regarding "disability insurance" - some kinds of disability insurance consider "normal pregnancy" as not covered by such insurance, while other kinds consider "normal pregnancy" as eligible for such coverage. I believe this difference is related to the applicable laws and regulations.

I would make sure I fully understood all such "disability" coverage.
Let me add to what I know and what I have an opinion about.

For credit disability insurance that you can choose to buy when you get an installment loan from a credit union, such disability insurance does NOT consider normal pregnancy an insured disability. If the disability is, however, due to certain kinds of complications, then it may be covered. I believe the vast majority of pregnancies would be considered "normal".

I also have a strong opinion that disability pay from an employer for normal pregnancies is covered as a "disability". I believe this would be required by employment discrimination laws and regulations. This might be called sick leave or PTO.

I do not know about separately purchased short term disability insurance. My "guess" is that if such coverage is strongly liked to employment, then ot would be covered. Something to check out.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by NoVa Lurker » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:08 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:18 pm
ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
may i ask where to start with this? it honestly didn't really cross my mind but it does make sense.

do BH's have a favorite company to get LI through?
In addition to the answers above, you should check whether you and/or your wife can add extra term life through work. My wife didn't have a very good option for this, but for me, this was the most economical approach to increasing our life insurance.

Conversely, my wife has the option to fund a Dependent Care FSA through salary deductions at her work, which saves us more than $1500/year in taxes, whereas my work does not have a Dependent Care FSA option. It's far from a top priority, but you might want to look into setting up the Dependent Care FSA as well, before your wife returns to work.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by dm200 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:14 pm

NoVa Lurker wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:08 pm
Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:18 pm
ponyboy wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 12:39 pm
I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
may i ask where to start with this? it honestly didn't really cross my mind but it does make sense.

do BH's have a favorite company to get LI through?
In addition to the answers above, you should check whether you and/or your wife can add extra term life through work. My wife didn't have a very good option for this, but for me, this was the most economical approach to increasing our life insurance.

Conversely, my wife has the option to fund a Dependent Care FSA through salary deductions at her work, which saves us more than $1500/year in taxes, whereas my work does not have a Dependent Care FSA option. It's far from a top priority, but you might want to look into setting up the Dependent Care FSA as well, before your wife returns to work.
I would lean away from more work related life insurance. if/when you leave, you often lose the coverage or, for a big expense, you may be able to "convert" to a whole life policy.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by fposte » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:21 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:23 pm
thanks all. so i notice no comments on the AFLAC Short Term Disability - is that best to avoid/unnecessary?

she gets 6 weeks paid (via sick days) and 6 weeks unpaid via FMLA (i believe).

i get 2 weeks paid - can be used consecutively or intermittently.
Unless there’s a particular reason you (employment under a year) or your employer (under 50 employees within a 75-mile radius) are excluded from FMLA, you also would be eligible for 12 weeks FMLA unpaid (it’s common for employers to require you to use paid leave concurrently, so that’s not necessarily 14 weeks total).

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Glockenspiel » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:36 pm

1. Term life insurance - make sure you have it, outside of employer, ideally before she gets pregnant. Use selectquote.com or term4sale.com to get started. Approximiately 10x each of your salaries, depending on if you have a mortgage or not, etc.
2. Short-term disability - usually can only get for 6-8 weeks after the birth. Make sure wife is enrolled in it. Usually pays 50-67% of salary.
3. FMLA - entitled to take 12 weeks off (both of you), and get your same job back.
4. If there are any shenanigans going on with employer, make sure you document everything. My wife was discriminated against during her pregnancy and was illegally made to resign earlier than she wanted to.
5. Once you guys get pregnant, start looking at daycares, if you both plan to work outside the home.
6. The first 3-6 months are very hard. There will be times when you get frustrated with sleep, baby, or spouse. There will also be times where you second guess having a baby. Trust me, it gets 100x better. Keep in mind that you can always set the baby down in her crib or on the floor to take a breather. Spend the first few months focusing on your family and let all the other "noise" just exist in the background. You don't need a clean house with an immobile baby. You don't need to cook gourmet meals. Get meals delivered. Ask family/friends for help. Many people want to help but don't know how to ask.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Glockenspiel » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:38 pm

Watty wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:51 pm


When you hear or advice there will be some firms things to do, like if you should put the baby to sleep on their stomach or back, but 90% of it will be more of a recommendation than a rule.
Always on their back. Never ever put a baby to sleep on their stomach until they can start crawling on their own. Risk of SIDS is greatly decreased by putting them on their back.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Sic Vis Pacem » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:41 pm

Good responses above.

You may want to look over a similar thread here: viewtopic.php?f=11&t=278623

From the father of an 8 month old, I wish you the best.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by dm200 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:42 pm

Glockenspiel wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:38 pm
Watty wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:51 pm

When you hear or advice there will be some firms things to do, like if you should put the baby to sleep on their stomach or back, but 90% of it will be more of a recommendation than a rule.
Always on their back. Never ever put a baby to sleep on their stomach until they can start crawling on their own. Risk of SIDS is greatly decreased by putting them on their back.
Yes - very interesting to me. This latest is 180 degrees what parents were told for many decades.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by downshiftme » Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:44 pm

I would get term life insurance, for both of you.
This is the only urgent thing to deal with now. There's no problem getting insurance while pregnant except in rare cases, but you want to avoid the nightmare scenario where you planned to get insurance but didn't, only to die and discover the pregnancy after you are already gone.

People will offer endless baby advice, most of it irrelevant even if well meaning. Lots of it based only on their personal experience, but not all babies or children are the same. Some of it based on things they were told that may be outdated or in some cases were bad ideas to begin with.

The baby industry will try to sell you everything, but babies don't really care. If you love them and do your best to take care of them, a baby can be just as happy sleeping in a cardboard box or a drawer as in a fancy crib. When in doubt wait to see what you really need or use. You will need a car seat before baby is born, but that's about the only must-have equipment.

Try not to get freaked out by all the horror stories women will tell you. Lots of women seem drawn to touch pregnant women (ick) and even more seem to want to tell dramatic tales of difficult pregnancy or birth. It's alarming, but completely unrepresentative of typical pregnancy and birth. I think there are too many people who thrive on drama and a visibly pregnant woman seem to be a magnet to these people.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Watty » Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:05 pm

Glockenspiel wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 3:38 pm
Watty wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:51 pm


When you hear or advice there will be some firms things to do, like if you should put the baby to sleep on their stomach or back, but 90% of it will be more of a recommendation than a rule.
Always on their back. Never ever put a baby to sleep on their stomach until they can start crawling on their own. Risk of SIDS is greatly decreased by putting them on their back.
Thanks for clarifying that. I intentionally left the way to position the baby ambiguous since I did not want to accidentally misstate it.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Dottie57 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 4:20 pm

Have fun!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Bob Sacamano » Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:23 pm

so there's a lot to sift through here - amazing. thank you!

circling back to the Short Term Disability. is this something to spring for or not? i don't see too many folks referencing that.

some details from the agent:

Under the plan, giving birth is classified under the "sickness" portion so there is an elimination period ( time period that you would need to be out of work sue to the sickness before the plan kicked in). For women looking to use the plan for giving birth, the best option is to go with a plan with a 7 day elimination period. This is because when giving birth the plan pay out for a certain number of weeks based on the type of birth you have. It will pay out for 8 weeks minus the elimination period for a c-section and 6 weeks minus the elimination period for vaginal birth. Just wanted you to keep that portion in mind when looking over the options.

we will look into term life insurance now too. this is something to get even if one already has this through employer?

thanks again!!

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by runner540 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:44 pm

Bob Sacamano wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 5:23 pm
so there's a lot to sift through here - amazing. thank you!

circling back to the Short Term Disability. is this something to spring for or not? i don't see too many folks referencing that.

we will look into term life insurance now too. this is something to get even if one already has this through employer?

thanks again!!
Short term disability would be helpful if your wife has complications that restrict her ability to work. She may already have this thru work or teachers union - check.

Yes, get life insurance asap, your own policies not tied to employment. Reasons:
1. Employer life insurance is usually much less coverage than you want.
2.If/when you leave that job, you may be uninsurable. Certain pregnancy complications/diagnoses could raise the rates for your wife post pregnancy.
3. Employer can change/eliminate the benefit.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by Sophia1884 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 6:00 pm

runner540 wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:13 pm


doula, lactation help,
If planning on using breastmilk/breastfeeding-I thought that having a lactation certified doula with my first was an invaluable expenditure. That first week, unexpectedly, is really stressful not with getting the baby to sleep...but with feeding it. Come to find out, it's not as easy as I expected and having someone experienced a call away was incredibly helpful.

Also, have the pump and know how to use it before baby arrives. We left home as a couple and came home as a trio...we were in a bit of shock :) Along the same lines, pumping from day 1-3 is a really good idea in case the baby does not latch in the beginning. If you're not pumping, the necessity will drive formula use (which has a place in the whole process as well, so keep some on hand.)

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by donaldfair71 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:38 pm

dm200 wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 1:26 pm
No "expert", but I believe trying to successful time the pregnancy/birth - and still have the baby - are close to impossible.
My wife and I are teachers with 3 kids, birthdays 6/3, 7/31, 4/12 (5 weeks premature). Don't tell me you can't time the market. 😀

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by donaldfair71 » Mon Jul 22, 2019 7:42 pm

The FSA is a no brainer. I teach with so many people who lament that the week it takes to get reimbursed is too long. They refuse to use it. Meanwhile, in the 22% bracket, with state taxes and FICA, FSA provides about a 35% discount.

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Re: Wife (teacher) and I are trying for a baby. What are some "must-knows" and other tips?

Post by SR II » Mon Jul 22, 2019 8:00 pm

jrbdmb wrote:
Mon Jul 22, 2019 2:07 pm
Obviously a baby at any time is a blessing, but I would try to avoid having a child in September / October. Once they reach school age you then have a choice to either (1) send them to Kindergarten and First Grade when they are first eligible and have them be the youngest in the class, or (2) hold them back an additional year and have them be the oldest in the class. Either way way you will have friends and relatives and possibly the child questioning your decision. :?
And if you hold them back, so they are 18 (an "adult") while a senior in high school, watch out for "senioritis" on steroids! 8-)

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