Do you share your net worth with family members?

mediahound · Post by **mediahound** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm

Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.

How about if they ask? Would you tell them?

Just looking for people's thoughts on this.

TxAg · Post by **TxAg** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:57 pm

Sure.

But it depends...

Stinky · Post by **Stinky** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:58 pm

Milestones - yes.

Details - no.

Chris K Jones · Post by **Chris K Jones** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:00 pm

I wouldn't. WhenI am older and infirm, I will let my kids know, but not now. Definitely not. For me this is just like winning the lottery--no one should know.

mediahound · Post by **mediahound** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:00 pm

Most of my family members think I'm worth a lot less because I'm perfectly happy to live below my means. But the truth is I've been working towards certain net worth goals my whole life. It would be nice to tell people about it in my family, but I don't want to seem like I'm gloating or to have them think of me differently than before.

Suddenly, they might expect me to pay for all dinners from now on, or start asking me to help them with down payments, cars, things like that. Most of it is not even liquid anyways.

tim1999 · Post by **tim1999** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:02 pm

My spouse knows, at least as of the time of our marriage, because both of our assets and liabilities are listed in our pre-nup agreement.

My parents probably figure I'm doing OK since I've never asked them for money since graduating from college.

I know theirs, because I oversee their investments for them.

Otherwise I see no value in providing such information, and if asked, I would dodge the question.

willthrill81 · Post by **willthrill81** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:03 pm

Only our parents have any idea what our net worth is and only an idea then.

I don't see how good can come from such sharing. If your net worth is higher than your family's, which is likely if you're hanging around here much, then they may get angry at you and/or want money from you. If the opposite is true, you may feel inadequate, and they might come across as patronizing, especially if they genuinely want to do nice things for you.

mediahound · Post by **mediahound** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:07 pm

willthrill81 wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:03 pm Only our parents have any idea what our net worth is and only an idea then.

I don't see how good can come from such sharing. If your net worth is higher than your family's, which is likely if you're hanging around here much, then they may get angry at you and/or want money from you. If the opposite is true, you may feel inadequate, and they might come across as patronizing, especially if they genuinely want to do nice things for you.

Makes sense. Funny how people can use it against you or whatever.

When my dad re-married he made sure to let us kids know that my now stepmom had way more money. As if we would like her more because of that, or kiss up to her. Maybe some would. The thing about having your own money like I do, is I don't really care about or have a need for other people's money.

willthrill81 · Post by **willthrill81** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:08 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:07 pm
willthrill81 wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:03 pm Only our parents have any idea what our net worth is and only an idea then.

I don't see how good can come from such sharing. If your net worth is higher than your family's, which is likely if you're hanging around here much, then they may get angry at you and/or want money from you. If the opposite is true, you may feel inadequate, and they might come across as patronizing, especially if they genuinely want to do nice things for you.
Makes sense. Funny how people can use it against you or whatever.

When my dad re-married he made sure to let us kids know that my now stepmom had way more money. As if we would like her more because of that, or kiss up to her. Maybe some would. The thing about having your own money like I do, is I don't really care about or have a need for other people's money.

bligh · Post by **bligh** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:09 pm

In my case, I did share with my dad that my net worth was above a particular amount. However, there were no details in there and the conversation (In response to his asking) occurred long after I had actually crossed the milestone in question. So it was just a vague “Don’t worry dad, I am doing okay.” type of conversation.

I don’t share or discuss my net worth or my income with anyone else including siblings. I do not see any point or benefit in doing so. It really is none of their business in my opinion. If it were to become their business then, sure I would tell them.

mediahound · Post by **mediahound** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:12 pm

bligh wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:09 pm In my case, I did share with my dad that my net worth was above a particular amount. Basically the exact personal milestone example you mentioned. However, there were no details in there and the conversation (In response to his asking) occurred long after I had actually crossed the milestone itself. So it was just a vague “Don’t worry dad, I am doing okay.” type of conversation.

I don’t share or discuss my net worth or my income with anyone else including siblings. I do not see any point or benefit in doing so. It really is none of their business in my opinion. If it were to become their business then, sure I would tell them.

Thanks. Yeah, I really want to avoid family members using a sort of:

'sheesh, you can afford it! Don't be so greedy' type attitude with me.

retire2022 · Post by **retire2022** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:14 pm

My family knows, because I wanted to let them know regarding estate planning, I don't have any heirs, I'm worth 2.4 million, and two time property owner, most of my relatives have kids they will never get here, it is obvious I am the rich uncle, most of my friends are upper middle class. My co-workers won't ever get here, they don't save and don't invest.

SevenBridgesRoad · Post by **SevenBridgesRoad** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:15 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.

How about if they ask? Would you tell them?

Just looking for people's thoughts on this.

Why? What good would come of it?

One’s net worth is highly personal, like health records. And, most people don’t want to hear your advice for them and most people don’t want to hear your personal story. Seriously.

bligh · Post by **bligh** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:19 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:12 pm Thanks. Yeah, I really want to avoid family members using a sort of:

'sheesh, you can afford it! Don't be so greedy' type attitude with me.

In my case, that isn’t something I am worried about. My siblings have done well for themselves as well, if anything I believe that in their estimation (if they are estimating) I am probably the least well to do. I am fine with this. Even if it didn’t effect a single bit of their behavior towards me, how is it of any benefit for them to know?

To me it is just personal. It is like bringing up my sex life with them. It is just not their business unless I am in trouble and actually need their help it is simply not a matter I would bring up. The only 2 possible options for me to bring it up are to either brag or to complain. I do not want to do either.

bmelikia · Post by **bmelikia** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:20 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:12 pm
bligh wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:09 pm In my case, I did share with my dad that my net worth was above a particular amount. Basically the exact personal milestone example you mentioned. However, there were no details in there and the conversation (In response to his asking) occurred long after I had actually crossed the milestone itself. So it was just a vague “Don’t worry dad, I am doing okay.” type of conversation.

I don’t share or discuss my net worth or my income with anyone else including siblings. I do not see any point or benefit in doing so. It really is none of their business in my opinion. If it were to become their business then, sure I would tell them.
Thanks. Yeah, I really want to avoid family members using a sort of:

'sheesh, you can afford it! Don't be so greedy' type attitude with me.

Then just move on and never bring it up. Problem solved

Sandtrap · Post by **Sandtrap** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:23 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.

How about if they ask? Would you tell them?

Just looking for people's thoughts on this.

Absolutely not. No.
Only DW (spouse).
And son (successor trustee).
In other words, those that have a "business need" to know, such as estate planning, roles in a trust, etc. And, even then, it's more a matter of familiarity than knowing actual estate size.

IMHO, it does absolutely no good and does not help, but in fact can damage, relationships whether family, friends, or other. If not now, eventually.

It's a lose lose. Because regardless of external support and smiles, there's the private demons that human nature is not immune to; envy, resentment, jealousy, gossip, etc.

Regardless of good intention, we come across as either bragging and showing off, or competitive (one-up-man-ship), or "rubbing it in the faces of others" so to speak. And, often, the information travels a lot farther than you think. Sometimes, sooner or later, a relative, family friend, etc, needs "help".'

IE: in my case, someone needs to live for "free" in one of my vacant units, until they get "back on their feet.

Or, needs a "job" because they are coming out of rehab or whatever and so I should put them on my maintenance staff and pay them cash, until they "get back on their feet".

There are no shortages of opportunists.

OTOH: if one has a spouse, supportive parent, sibling, etc, who has also been ambitious and achieving "side by side" with you for many years, and helpful professionally, etc, then that's a very rare and wonderful thing.

And, the larger the personal worth or business size, etc, the worse it gets. It can get absolutely nasty.

Be happy and show support for the accomplishments and milestones of others.

Yours has already been earned.

j

TallBoy29er · Post by **TallBoy29er** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:27 pm

hell no. it would not produce harmony in any way, shape or form (no oxford comma). I'm not opposed to the thought, but for many, the consumption is not sweet, but bitter.

Dick D · Post by **Dick D** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:35 pm

No. No. No

runner3081 · Post by **runner3081** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:37 pm

Not any of it. No one knows salary, net worth or milestones.

Paid off our mortgage and received the paid off documents when my dad was visiting, didn't even tell him.

In-laws probably think we are poor, father-in-law points out holes in my shoes and sister in law makes fun of my ugly, but reliable car! My mom always made comments about my frugal nature.

peetsperk · Post by **peetsperk** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:39 pm

No. They don't have a need to know.

Gnirk · Post by **Gnirk** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:40 pm

No, I don’t because it isn’t any of their business. DH daughter knew his because she worked for him, and she became very entitled.

bhsince87 · Post by **bhsince87** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:47 pm

With my parents.

They worry about preserving as much of their money as they can so they can pass it on to my siblings and me.

I wanted them to know that they should get that worry out of their heads. Spend it!

They've already given me the best gifts in life.

An extra $100k or so from them would certainly be appreciated, but we don't need it. And I didn't know how to communicate that with them other than laying out the facts.

dewey · Post by **dewey** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:47 pm

I do not.

kacang · Post by **kacang** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:49 pm

Apart from spouse, no. At best, the family members are glad for you and you move on with no issues. OTOH, they can become resentful & demanding, and it complicates your relationships with them. Also word can spread and may lead to undesirable consequences.

DH & I are frugal and lowkey, but my various in-laws are spendthrifts and have asked us for help with house downpayment, vacation expenses, etc, which DH has been guilted into footing. They only know that we have stable income (but not the amount) and are financially prudent, I cannot imagine the issues it would cause if they are aware of our nw.

AlohaJoe · Post by **AlohaJoe** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:19 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:12 pm Thanks. Yeah, I really want to avoid family members using a sort of:

'sheesh, you can afford it! Don't be so greedy' type attitude with me.

There are lots & lots & lots of people that simply have to learn how to deal with this. Pretending you don't have anything simply isn't an option for them. If you own a small business, are a doctor, participated in an IPO, are a VP at a public company, are a partner somewhere, etc....then your family and everyone you ever meet isn't going to know your exact net worth but they also aren't going to assume you make $40,000 and can't afford a new car when yours is 10 years old.

I think it is better -- just from a personal development standpoint, if nothing else -- to learn how to defuse situations like that without outright lying and pretending you don't have money.

I mean, there are always going to be situations where discretion is the better part of valor. Telling your dad or brother-in-law that you won't invest in their business idea because it sounds stupid probably isn't the right course. But telling them you don't have money when they know you own a company with 40 employees isn't going to be believable.

SoAnyway · Post by **SoAnyway** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:30 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.
How about if they ask? Would you tell them?
Just looking for people's thoughts on this.

Never, OP. I've read the thread and I agree with your subsequent posts.

"Net worth" is only a useful metric for those who are feeling insecure. (Not judging, btw - We all have our "moments".) But those who consistently use it as the measure of "success" have totally missed the boat. Don't be one of them.

The best post on the topic I've seen on this forum is quoted here. It's from nisiprius, whom I dare say that at 38K+ posts on this forum speaks with a *bit* of authority.... Just sayin'....

Be confident, OP. If you know you'd win the, uh, "argument" manufactured in your head, that "knowing" is all that matters. Quiet confidence always wins. After all, if it's not quiet it's not "confidence": It's insecurity. Why broadcast your insecurity?

EDIT: The game you posit "winning" in your OP vs. other family members isn't worth your time or effort. Indeed - as you point out - there are great advantages to not engaging in any "family competition dynamics" in the first place, whether of your own making or theirs.

mediahound · Post by **mediahound** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:33 pm

SoAnyway wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:30 pm
mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.
How about if they ask? Would you tell them?
Just looking for people's thoughts on this.
Never, OP. I've read the thread and I agree with your subsequent posts.

"Net worth" is only a useful metric for those who are feeling insecure. (Not judging, btw - We all have our "moments".) But those who consistently use it as the measure of "success" have totally missed the boat. Don't be one of them.

The best post on the topic I've seen on this forum is quoted here. It's from nisiprius, whom I dare say that at 38K+ posts on this forum speaks with a *bit* of authority.... Just sayin'....

Be confident, OP. If you know you'd win the, uh, "argument" manufactured in your head, that "knowing" is all that matters. Quiet confidence always wins. After all, if it's not quiet it's not "confidence": It's insecurity. Why broadcast your insecurity?

On the other hand, Warren Buffett talks about his net worth nearly constantly and it has not seemed to hurt him at all. Granted, he comes from a supremely strong position there.

SoAnyway · Post by **SoAnyway** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:38 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:33 pm
SoAnyway wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:30 pm
mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.
How about if they ask? Would you tell them?
Just looking for people's thoughts on this.
Never, OP. I've read the thread and I agree with your subsequent posts.

"Net worth" is only a useful metric for those who are feeling insecure. (Not judging, btw - We all have our "moments".) But those who consistently use it as the measure of "success" have totally missed the boat. Don't be one of them.

The best post on the topic I've seen on this forum is quoted here. It's from nisiprius, whom I dare say that at 38K+ posts on this forum speaks with a *bit* of authority.... Just sayin'....

Be confident, OP. If you know you'd win the, uh, "argument" manufactured in your head, that "knowing" is all that matters. Quiet confidence always wins. After all, if it's not quiet it's not "confidence": It's insecurity. Why broadcast your insecurity?
On the other hand, Warren Buffett talks about his net worth nearly constantly and it has not seemed to hurt him at all. Granted, he comes from a supremely strong position there.

Exactly. Whatever your NW is today, OP, was he saying the same when equivalent to yours?

TierArtz · Post by **TierArtz** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:39 pm

No; the only exception is my dad. I’m taking over his investments and am very familiar with his income, investments, taxes, and cash flow. I think sharing some of my details helps him feel comfortable letting me be in charge. I use my investments as an example of what low-cost index funds can do for him (after we unwind his investments outside of VG from a convoluted mess of 6 annuities).

ThereAreNoGurus · Post by **ThereAreNoGurus** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:39 pm

AlohaJoe wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:19 pm
mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:12 pm Thanks. Yeah, I really want to avoid family members using a sort of:

'sheesh, you can afford it! Don't be so greedy' type attitude with me.
There are lots & lots & lots of people that simply have to learn how to deal with this. Pretending you don't have anything simply isn't an option for them. If you own a small business, are a doctor, participated in an IPO, are a VP at a public company, are a partner somewhere, etc....then your family and everyone you ever meet isn't going to know your exact net worth but they also aren't going to assume you make $40,000 and can't afford a new car when yours is 10 years old.

I think it is better -- just from a personal development standpoint, if nothing else -- to learn how to defuse situations like that without outright lying and pretending you don't have money.

I mean, there are always going to be situations where discretion is the better part of valor. Telling your dad or brother-in-law that you won't invest in their business idea because it sounds stupid probably isn't the right course. But telling them you don't have money when they know you own a company with 40 employees isn't going to be believable.

Excellent points and...

It's generally easy to reasonably ascertain whether or not a neighbor, friend, co-worker, or relative, one has known for a decent amount of time, is in the 2-comma club, at least.

mediahound · Post by **mediahound** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:41 pm

SoAnyway wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:38 pm Exactly. Whatever your NW is today, OP, was he saying the same when equivalent to yours?

Knowing Warren Buffett, he was probably talking about his net worth the day he was born.

SoAnyway · Post by **SoAnyway** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:48 pm

mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:41 pm
SoAnyway wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:38 pm Exactly. Whatever your NW is today, OP, was he saying the same when equivalent to yours?
Knowing Warren Buffett, he was probably talking about his net worth the day he was born.

Really? You actually know Warren Buffett personally, OP???

DesertDiva · Post by **DesertDiva** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:51 pm

No way.

123 · Post by **123** » Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:59 pm

Have only discussed our assets with spouse. May share with children at some future date but only after they demonstrate some accumulation ability of their own, no reason to diminish their incentive with an expectation of a "silver spoon" inheritance.

Sometimes I've been tempted to broach topic of assets/finance with some close friends but other than very general discussions I've come to the conclusion that it might be seen as grandstanding and of no real benefit. If we're comfortable and they're comfortable why raise any issue? Even general comments like 'RMDs are going to be a problem." are usually saying too much.

SoAnyway · Post by **SoAnyway** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:02 am

SevenBridgesRoad wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:15 pm
mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.

How about if they ask? Would you tell them?

Just looking for people's thoughts on this.
Why? What good would come of it?
One’s net worth is highly personal, like health records. And, most people don’t want to hear your advice for them and most people don’t want to hear your personal story. Seriously.

+1. Anyone who wants to know is interested in THEIR situation.
Sidebar: Bless you, Seven Bridges Road. We crossed paths a while back on this forum. Still love that tune....
Carry on, OP.... ; )

FIREchief · Post by **FIREchief** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:07 am

OP. I'll answer the question with a question. Why on earth would you even consider sharing your net worth with family members? What good could ever come from it?? I just can't understand why the question would even come up. I've seen such moves mentioned here from time to time and it always seems to be somebody wanting to brag to their family about how much more they have.

SoAnyway · Post by **SoAnyway** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:35 am

FIREchief wrote: ↑Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:07 am OP. I'll answer the question with a question. Why on earth would you even consider sharing your net worth with family members? What good could ever come from it?? I just can't understand why the question would even come up. I've seen such moves mentioned here from time to time and it always seems to be somebody wanting to brag to their family about how much more they have.

+1.
OP - There are DEFINITELY exceptions to the general thought of not sharing the info.
Others have raised these upthread: For example: A BH wanting to assure his/her frugal parents that he/she is totally fine financially and ergo, the parents should feel free to enjoy themselves and their golden years as they'd like without worry re. their offspring; wanting to assure his/her parents that he/she is competent to manage the parents' affairs; etc. These are legitimately reasons to provide general (not specific) info re. financial security, IMHO.

I still stand by the general rule of non-sharing, although perhaps your personal circumstances are different, OP.

Perhaps it would be useful and more helpful to you, OP, if you could kindly edit your OP to describe your OWN personal situation - as opposed to a very general question re. info-sharing that will necessarily reflect the family dynamics of responders that might not necessarily mirror your own.

You might get better advice on whatever emotional impetus caused you to post in the first place.... Just sayin'....

SevenBridgesRoad · Post by **SevenBridgesRoad** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:56 am

SoAnyway wrote: ↑Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:02 am
Sidebar: Bless you, Seven Bridges Road. We crossed paths a while back on this forum. Still love that tune....
Carry on, OP.... ; )

Carry on... CSNY
To sing the blues you've got to live the dues
And carry on

fareastwarriors · Post by **fareastwarriors** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:11 am

I keep telling my parents I'm doing fine for my age but they won't believe me. I stopped fighting it and just let it be.

SoAnyway · Post by **SoAnyway** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:31 am

SevenBridgesRoad wrote: ↑Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:56 am
SoAnyway wrote: ↑Mon Jul 01, 2019 12:02 am
Sidebar: Bless you, Seven Bridges Road. We crossed paths a while back on this forum. Still love that tune....
Carry on, OP.... ; )
Carry on... CSNY
To sing the blues you've got to live the dues
And carry on

Well-played, SBR.

If memory serves - which it often doesn't at my, uh, "vintage", lol- the tune you reference was from the same album as "Teach Your Children", no? SoAnyway, if so you do CSNY proud.... ; )

Lucky Lemon · Post by **Lucky Lemon** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:46 am

Oh hell no!!

One sibling is likely close to us in net worth. The other two are likely not close at all.

LL

SevenBridgesRoad · Post by **SevenBridgesRoad** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:48 am

Deja Vu

SoAnyway · Post by **SoAnyway** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 2:10 am

SevenBridgesRoad wrote: ↑Mon Jul 01, 2019 1:48 am Deja Vu

EXACTLY, SBR!!!
And more to the point, how appropriate is THAT song/album title as we observe the young'uns?? ; )

SGM · Post by **SGM** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 2:31 am

We only share information concerning our portfolio with our grown children who may have to help us when we are very old. I have been working on educating them about finances for quite a while. I see no reason to share that information with our siblings. We don't calculate the value of any real estate we own.

22twain · Post by **22twain** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:40 am

AlohaJoe wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 11:19 pmIf you own a small business, are a doctor, participated in an IPO, are a VP at a public company, are a partner somewhere, etc..

Or a government employee whose salary is public record...

Fortunately I was never in any of these categories, except when I was a graduate student (research assistant at a state university).

My only close family was my parents, my much older brother and my wife. When I got my first real job after grad school, my parents asked out of curiosity what the salary was, but only that one time. My brother, whom I saw only every few years, never asked, and I never volunteered it. After I got married, my wife of course knew.

I(we)'ve never discussed our net worth with anyone.

mancich · Post by **mancich** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 3:58 am

SevenBridgesRoad wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:15 pm
mediahound wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 9:56 pm Would you share your net worth with family members?

Mainly I'm wondering about sharing personal milestones such as one's portfolio reaching one million (as an example) with your parents and siblings.

How about if they ask? Would you tell them?

Just looking for people's thoughts on this.
Why? What good would come of it?

One’s net worth is highly personal, like health records. And, most people don’t want to hear your advice for them and most people don’t want to hear your personal story. Seriously.

This. You're either sharing with someone worth a lot more than you, and they're amused by your bragging, or with someone a lot less than you and they're annoyed by your bragging. Either way, it is too easy to come off as bragging. Better to quietly go about the business of being a Boglehead..

theplayer11 · Post by **theplayer11** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 4:36 am

what would be the point of sharing a milestone other than to brag? I don't because its serves no purpose.

BrklynMike · Post by **BrklynMike** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 4:56 am

I would echo most of the comments here and provide an anecdote of my experience. For almost a decade I had been working towards a particular promotion/role in my organization and eventually I got it. It was a modest increase in pay, but a big increase in title and most importantly it meant that I'd only be doing the projects that I really wanted. When I got the job, my parents were over the moon and told all their friends, siblings, etc. They were very happy for me, even though I wasn't make any more money really, because that's what family is for - celebrating your small victories along the way, which is why I assume you want to share your net worth progress with them.

OTOH, when I indirectly let it slip how much money we had set aside for our child's college, they were not quite so enthused. At first, they were perplexed and then irritated. They couldn't understand why we lived in such a modest house if we had enough set aside already for college. I think it came from a good place in that they wanted to share how proud they are of my modest success in life, and they can't do that by telling people my financial situation, but they can gush about my house. Their irritation has continued over the last few years with various comments, etc., which I do not appreciate and certainly my wife does not. It makes it harder to resist upgrading my lifestyle, which is already a psychological battle I'm fighting.

So, no, I would not share my net worth explicitly and I'd be careful to guard sharing it implicitly like I did. Best to just say, " you don't have to worry about me."

student · Post by **student** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:08 am

Sandtrap wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:23 pm IE: in my case, someone needs to live for "free" in one of my vacant units, until they get "back on their feet. Or, needs a "job" because they are coming out of rehab or whatever and so I should put them on my maintenance staff and pay them cash, until they "get back on their feet". There are no shortages of opportunists.

How did you deal with these requests?

student · Post by **student** » Mon Jul 01, 2019 5:11 am

kacang wrote: ↑Sun Jun 30, 2019 10:49 pm Apart from spouse, no. At best, the family members are glad for you and you move on with no issues. OTOH, they can become resentful & demanding, and it complicates your relationships with them. Also word can spread and may lead to undesirable consequences.

DH & I are frugal and lowkey, but my various in-laws are spendthrifts and have asked us for help with house downpayment, vacation expenses, etc, which DH has been guilted into footing. They only know that we have stable income (but not the amount) and are financially prudent, I cannot imagine the issues it would cause if they are aware of our nw.

Help with vacation expenses? This is just ridiculous.