When to stop and settle at one place?

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uberdoc
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When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by uberdoc » Sun Nov 25, 2018 4:52 pm

Hi everyone,

At what point in life one should stop moving for better opportunities which involves relocation etc? I am constantly trying to improve my skills and always looking for better jobs. However, it disrupts all house related and other future plannings.

Thank you.

Mike Scott
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Mike Scott » Sun Nov 25, 2018 4:57 pm

Are your priorities changing? Is it time to rethink some life choices?

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AerialWombat
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by AerialWombat » Sun Nov 25, 2018 5:50 pm

Never?

There’s no law that says you have to ever “settle down.
“Life doesn’t come with a warranty.” -Michael LeBoeuf

Fallible
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Fallible » Sun Nov 25, 2018 5:52 pm

uberdoc wrote:
Sun Nov 25, 2018 4:52 pm
Hi everyone,

At what point in life one should stop moving for better opportunities which involves relocation etc? I am constantly trying to improve my skills and always looking for better jobs. However, it disrupts all house related and other future plannings. ...
It's different for everyone, of course, but generally, if other things such as those you mention become more important than what the move might accomplish, that is at least a strong hint that you are ready to stop moving and settle in.
John Bogle on his often bumpy road to low-cost indexing: "When a door closes, if you look long enough and hard enough, if you're strong enough, you'll find a window that opens."

retiredjg
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by retiredjg » Sun Nov 25, 2018 6:00 pm

If you are asking, maybe you are approaching that time. :happy

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whodidntante
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by whodidntante » Sun Nov 25, 2018 6:04 pm

Sometimes the better opportunity is close by.

GCD
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by GCD » Sun Nov 25, 2018 6:11 pm

"House related " is just a financial question. Will your new opportunity dwarf or at least beat the costs of moving? Is other "future planning" a potential spouse? You might need to stick around to solidify the relationship.

I did the whole move to follow opportunity thing 4 times, including coast to coast. I got married in San Francisco to a local girl who had never resided outside the Bay Area. She followed me on two more moves. We moved 2 years before I retired. It was a strategically good move for us socially, academically and financially. All good in all ways. So for me it was 6 moves total. In retrospect I'd buy fewer houses. Home ownership is overrated and I enjoyed the change of scenery, both physical and psychological.

ge1
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by ge1 » Sun Nov 25, 2018 6:56 pm

Before we had kids my wife and I did moved several times (including international) for new job opportunities and we are glad we did.

Now we are in our 40s and the kids are in elementary / middle school, we don’t want to move anymore. The kids love their school and we love our neighborhood and the friendships we developed.

Once kids are in college we definitely will check out new places again.

staythecourse
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by staythecourse » Sun Nov 25, 2018 6:58 pm

All depends if you have kids and what their ages are. No big deal moving as an adult as you are benefiting from the move, but for kids it can be devastating.

Good luck.
"The stock market [fluctuation], therefore, is noise. A giant distraction from the business of investing.” | -Jack Bogle

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uberdoc
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by uberdoc » Sun Nov 25, 2018 7:15 pm

Thanks for your perspectives. I am in mid 30's. We have an infant daughter. We were planning to buy a house early next year but this new opportunity will delay this. Based on what I eventually want in my career, we might move twice again. DW wholeheartedly supports the move and believes that I can achieve anything :) .

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uberdoc
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by uberdoc » Sun Nov 25, 2018 7:16 pm

If you are asking, maybe you are approaching that time.
This is likely the reality.

Pinotage
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Pinotage » Sun Nov 25, 2018 7:40 pm

uberdoc wrote:
Sun Nov 25, 2018 7:15 pm
DW wholeheartedly supports the move and believes that I can achieve anything :) .
That means A LOT! Great for you and your family!

TravelforFun
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by TravelforFun » Sun Nov 25, 2018 7:50 pm

uberdoc wrote:
Sun Nov 25, 2018 4:52 pm
Hi everyone,

At what point in life one should stop moving for better opportunities which involves relocation etc? I am constantly trying to improve my skills and always looking for better jobs. However, it disrupts all house related and other future plannings.

Thank you.
You will know when that point comes. I'd fought hard for promotions and better job opportunies in the first 35 years of my career but I seem to have lost that desire the last five years. I now go to my office three days a week and love it.

TravelforFun

quantAndHold
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by quantAndHold » Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:34 am

We reached a point where the sacrifice of moving away from a place we loved, friends, family, and the roots we had put down, was too much for the minimal career gain I would have got from a move.

More concretely, once the kids start making friends, the bar gets a lot higher.

retiredjg
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by retiredjg » Mon Nov 26, 2018 5:57 am

uberdoc wrote:
Sun Nov 25, 2018 7:15 pm
Thanks for your perspectives. I am in mid 30's. We have an infant daughter. We were planning to buy a house early next year but this new opportunity will delay this. Based on what I eventually want in my career, we might move twice again. DW wholeheartedly supports the move and believes that I can achieve anything :) .
Sounds like the time to go for it to me.

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RickBoglehead
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by RickBoglehead » Mon Nov 26, 2018 6:41 am

If an employer is paying relocation costs, and it's a good opportunity that you've researched carefully, and you're not disrupting a child's education too much, and your spouse is on board, why not?

I changed jobs more times than I moved. In one home, I changed jobs 3 times (would have been 4, but we were renting initially).

Once we had kids, we moved when they were 7/2 and then 19/15. Our youngest was entering high school when we moved. He adjusted well, kids are resilient.

Downside is a new house and mortgage each time. Upside is a new house that is bigger and nicer due to profit on prior house and leveraging new compensation.

Our next move will be in a few years for retirement.
Avid user of forums on variety of interests-financial, home brewing, F-150, PHEV, home repair, etc. Enjoy learning & passing on knowledge. It's PRINCIPAL, not PRINCIPLE. I ADVISE you to seek ADVICE.

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Top99%
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Top99% » Mon Nov 26, 2018 8:41 am

Moving can actually be good for kids. When my parents moved us during my teenage years I was dragged kicking and screaming to a new location (Ontario Canada to Miami FL). But, in the end the move really increased my self-confidence, flexibility and adaptability. I notice that most of my friends and coworkers who have never moved or not moved far generally have a harder time dealing with change. So, since your spouse is on board I don't see any reason to "settle down".
Adapt or perish

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leeks
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by leeks » Mon Nov 26, 2018 8:48 am

If you find a place where you love to live (based on community, neighborhood, proximity to family/friends, recreational amenities, transportation, climate, hobbies, or whatever makes a significant contribution to your quality of life), settle there and organize your career/finances to make it work.

If you don't love the place where you live, then keep moving when opportunities arise.

michaeljc70
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by michaeljc70 » Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:22 am

You have to weigh the impact on friends/family/stability to the potential return from the opportunity. A lot of people I know that have relocated probably didn't need to. That is because they already lived in a big city with a lot of opportunities but chose to take the opportunity handed to them on a platter by their current company rather than shop around and see if they could get the same opportunity from a different company locally.

A lot depends on your personality/values too. I never considered moving from my hometown due to family and friends. I never saw an opportunity that couldn't have been found in a metro area of 9 million people where I live. I realize some jobs are very niche/specialized and YMMV.

mountainsoft
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by mountainsoft » Mon Nov 26, 2018 9:48 am

I moved a LOT when I was a kid. First it was due to parents divorce, then again when dad remarried. Then I moved to live with mom. Step dads job took him all over the country so we moved every few months. Just as I would get settled in and make new friends we were off to some other part of the country again. On the good side I got to see a lot of different areas of the country. The bad side was I never felt like I had a "home". Life was always in transition. Lots of regional differences too. I'll never forget how I went from one school where I was put in the "dumb kid" special needs class, to the next school where I was put in the "gifted" advanced learning class, all in a matter of a week.

When I first started working in my teens I was willing to take a job just about anywhere. No roots, no family, nothing tying me to this area. I actually landed a job up in Seattle but found the city life wasn't for me, and moved back to SW Washington.

By the time I was in my 20's I was tired of moving and wanted a place to call home. We bought our property in my late 20's and built our "forever home" in my early 30's. We've been here ever since and have no plans to ever move again. It's good to be home.

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PrettyCoolWorkshop
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by PrettyCoolWorkshop » Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:13 am

To me, a big part of the question is your friends and family. I have a large group of friends that I treasure that lives in my city. It would break my heart a bit to leave them. I'm a big nerd, so it would probably take me years and years to build up a comparable group of friends again, if I even could.

I also have a large part of my family nearby. They are great!

I often wonder when people move way across the country for work, if it is worth it to them from a happiness perspective. It seems like too much striving for the dream, and losing the forest for the trees. A good few of my friends who moved away for their careers have moved back.
Be greedy and fearful. All the time.

JGoneRiding
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by JGoneRiding » Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:13 am

Well even the army gives priority to leaving families in place while children are in hs so for sure by then ideally.

It's tough moving kids at that age. Though My mom attended 3 high schools and doesn't seem to have minded much she also has no friends from then

Thegame14
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Thegame14 » Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:21 am

when you want to get married and have kids.....

warner25
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by warner25 » Mon Nov 26, 2018 8:06 pm

JGoneRiding wrote:
Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:13 am
Well even the army gives priority to leaving families in place while children are in hs so for sure by then ideally...
I was just thinking the same thing. I'm getting ready to move for the 8th time in 11 years on active duty, and with a few kids now it's getting harder and harder each time. I've seen more senior people take extreme measures to keep their teenagers in one place. The Army's high school stabilization program often involves going overseas for a year, unaccompanied, in order to get an assignment back at one's previous location with one's family, and people fight for that option. One guy I know was commuting 8 hours one-way each weekend, for two years, with no reimbursement, to keep his kid in the same high school.

Our oldest is still too young to have real friends, so it's not too bad yet. The hard part right now is finding a suitable rental with every move, as single-family homes in nice neighborhoods with other families tend to be purchased, not rented, it seems. Once our kids do have friends and they get passionate about some activities, I can imagine how heartbreaking it will be to move.

We talk almost daily now about our dream of settling somewhere, but we're stuck on figuring out where. After moving around enough, I think that any natural sense of "home" fades away along with old friends and distant family.

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Watty
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Watty » Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:37 pm

One thing to look at is if where you are at now would be a great place to live for the long term.

If not then you could look for your next job in a place where you would want to live for the long term.

goldendad
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by goldendad » Mon Nov 26, 2018 11:42 pm

You have to decide what your priorities are in life - and make decisions accordingly.

DarthSage
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by DarthSage » Tue Nov 27, 2018 7:53 am

I just wanted to say, we've moved twice for my husband's career, with 4 kids. For the first move, they were 13/11/5/2--#2 and #3 would be starting new schools anyway (middle school and elementary). We stayed in that location until #2 graduated HS, then moved when the younger two were 12/9. We won't move again.

For the first move--it was hard at the time, especially for our oldest. She was very peeved at me for months (like it was MY career?). Some of it was likely teen hormones, but she did have a close-knit group of friends. Unfortunately, upstate NY has few employment opportunities--we had to get out. My oldest did, eventually, thank me for moving--she'd matured to the point where she could see the better opportunities for her, as well as for her dad's career.

For the second move, we had a lot of warning that it was coming. Since the kids were older, they were involved with house-hunting and so forth. I worked very hard to get them into their activities quickly (strings and dance, in our case). It also helped, sort-of, that our younger daughter (now 15) was bullied mercilessly in the original middle school, and her best friend moved at the same time we did, so they would have been apart anyway.

One good thing that came from it is, my younger daughter is very compassionate towards new kids at school/dance, and is known as the "welcoming committee", since she knows how it feels to be new. My younger two are also thriving in our current location.

I would never move a kid in HS unless there was absolutely no other option. In out case, my husband moved to NC for several months while I stayed in NH with the kids, so our older son could finish HS in NH. It was THAT important to us.

What I'm trying to say is, it's not a capital crime to move with children. However, you have to put a LOT of effort into making sure they land well--my husband turned down several jobs that were in areas incompatible with our kids' activities (not a whole lot of cello players in Beaumont, TX, for example).

Since your child is young, consider this a great time to "audition" different locations, with a thought towards settling down at some future time. Do you like the South, the Pacific Northwest, Chicago? If you move now to advance your career, you could always go back to the area you love.

P.S. Even with company relocation, selling/buying a home is a big pain. Maybe consider putting off buying until you're ready to settle?

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beyou
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by beyou » Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:26 pm

Having opposite event in my life.
Employer is moving, I don’t like employer, declined offer to pay relocation costs, and using this as an opportunity to move on. Should eventually get severance package, and if that doesn’t come soon, maybe can retire. If faster than expected, I am ready for new challenges/scenery....at work, not at home, and if happier at work can delay retirement for positive reasons.

InvestInLife
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by InvestInLife » Wed Mar 06, 2019 7:12 pm

You will only stop moving when you die.
O wait, even then the particles of your body will be in motion... never mind!
But seriously, you get to decide for yourself. Or not. Or change your mind later.

I moved between several different places when I was in my 20's, then got married and bought a house because I was tired of moving around all the time. I started building my life as "permanent"--furniture and custom spaces that were meant to last my lifetime. Well it turned out the nuclear family isn't exactly an icon of stability in this day and age either, and foregoing all the work I did to nail myself to the floor actually can keep a guy from growth and change -- so now I'm looking at going back to my more exciting nomadic existence.

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Earl Lemongrab
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Earl Lemongrab » Thu Mar 07, 2019 3:45 pm

Certainly it will vary. For me it was right at the start. I've never moved for a work opportunity. I'm still in the same metro area that we moved to when I was 12.

halfnine
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by halfnine » Thu Mar 07, 2019 4:08 pm

I moved around a lot as a child and also now as an adult. About a dozen cities across 4 continents. Based on these experiences, we have no plans to move during our children's teenage years. Before and after that, though, not too big of a deal.

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ram
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by ram » Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:34 pm

We 'settled down' when the oldest entered high school.
Ram

EnjoyIt
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by EnjoyIt » Thu Mar 07, 2019 11:56 pm

One can always look to try and make more money. One day you may find that making more money will not make your life any better and the act of moving will make your life worse. I think it is good to push early on in a career and see what you can accomplish, but at some point you will need to decide, enough is enough. Everyone is different so only you and your family can decide.

We will never again move for money, but will be willing to do it if it improves our life.

Tdubs
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Tdubs » Fri Mar 08, 2019 12:10 am

Make the move. You will lead an interesting life.

Grasshopper
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Re: When to stop and settle at one place?

Post by Grasshopper » Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:53 am

We did 7 corporate moves in 11 years, arrived in the Phoenix area bought our "to retire home" on a small lake, citrus trees pontoon boat, palm trees. Retired 9 years later and moved to the Arizona southern sky islands. Go figure.

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