How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
Old Guy
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Old Guy » Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:45 pm

All of it.

Right now we’re gifting him $10,000 per year. I don’t think he needs to wait until we’re dead to get at least some of the money.

TravelforFun
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by TravelforFun » Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:47 pm

Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Some disorganized thoughts on this topic -

This is a significant issue for us. I'm 67, wife 66. If we died tomorrow our unmarried 24 year old daughter (only child) would inherit close to $6MM in Vanguard funds invested in tIRAs, Roth IRAs, taxable accounts, variable annuity and mortgage free house.

Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...

My father said, from the day he retired, that his goal was to leave my sister and me $1MM each. He did that, and my daughter knows this. My goal is to leave our daughter at least $2MM as a cushion she can live on if necessary. I guess I inherited this goal from my father - if he could do it for us, I can do it for my daughter.

However, once social security kicks in for us in two years, when I turn 70, we'll be living on a 3% withdrawal rate from our portfolio (wr currently 4%). I know that the odds are that our 50/50 portfolio will not diminish too much with a 3% withdrawal rate.

Yes, better to help with a warm hand than a cold one. I have matched our daughter's earnings every year to help her build up a Roth IRA. And, this is "her money," so it actively involves her in investing. And, she is debt free out of college. Got to remember to teach her the "rule of 72", "animal spirits" and "where are the customer's yachts" :) We are very generous with her.

I don't know how this all will play out. I'm not sure leaving our daughter something like $3 - $6MM in 20 or 25 years is a good thing. She's a responsible kid, but still. Yes, have read Millionaire Next Door.

Struggling with all of this, no conclusions right now ...
The other thing you have to worry about is your daughter's future husband and his family.

TravelforFun

Starfish
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Starfish » Thu Nov 08, 2018 5:30 pm

Based on theory, I plan to have WR so the money last in perpetuity.
Of course, who knows.
So the plan is couple of millions, but the reality is that he might have to support us.

Zero to charities, it has never crossed my mind, and from churches I would take money if I could.

dorothyday
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by dorothyday » Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:07 pm

They will each receive $5,000. The rest of estate will go to Sierra Club.

staythecourse
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by staythecourse » Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm

Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
"The stock market [fluctuation], therefore, is noise. A giant distraction from the business of investing.” | -Jack Bogle

stoptothink
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by stoptothink » Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:40 pm

staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
I realize that everybody here is lauding how responsible their own (grown) children are, but my experience with my 20-40yr old friends and family members suggests that the bolded statement is extremely accurate. I have nearly 40 maternal cousins, there might be 1 or 2 who don't exemplify that statement.

Beegaphone
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Beegaphone » Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:47 pm

I never worried that accumulating $1M would harm me, so I don't fear that leaving it to my kid will harm him either. My plan is basically to do things in as opposite a manner from my own parents as possible. Mine did the "use money to buy compliance" on my sister and I to no end (we'll pay your tuition if you go to our alma mater! You're out of the will if you marry that Catholic! etc.) so I will be very mindful when I do my "warm hand giving" that I am not asking anything in return. Hopefully I'll have instilled good saving habits into him, so that he'll view the gifts as opportunities to save and not splurge. But if he doesn't, he'll learn about hedonistic adaptation quite quickly.

When my parents passed away, they left their $10M in assets to a local hospital and left me 109 firearms.

One hundred and nine firearms. I don't know what to do with them. I wish they had carved a little of that $10M off to get me a storage unit!

delamer
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by delamer » Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:53 pm

staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.

We told our kids the basic parameters of our finances when they were teenagers and provided an update when I received a significant inheritance.

While we think we have a good estate plan in place to make sure the kids receive their rightful inheritance, we wanted them to know where the money was and how much was involved for their protection.

Their subsequent attitudes and behaviors have given me no reason to think we made a mistake by keeping them informed.

afan
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by afan » Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:04 pm

m@ver1ck wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:37 pm
I'm 42 and have a total of 320K in my Vanguard Rollover IRA and ROTH IRA.

The plan is not to have to touch that money ever - it's a buffer, and is invested at 90/10 stocks/bonds. If we don't have to dip into it, this will be theirs.
How are you going to avoid RMDs on the traditional IRA?
We don't know how to beat the market on a risk-adjusted basis, and we don't know anyone that does know either | --Swedroe | We assume that markets are efficient, that prices are right | --Fama

Tdubs
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Tdubs » Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:09 pm

As much as I can.

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munemaker
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by munemaker » Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:12 pm

ThankYouJack wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:04 pm
I'm curious, especially for those with assets (or planned assets) over $1million. Do you plan to leave your kids nothing, some or everything?
Whatever's left.

theplayer11
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by theplayer11 » Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:14 pm

munemaker wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:12 pm
ThankYouJack wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:04 pm
I'm curious, especially for those with assets (or planned assets) over $1million. Do you plan to leave your kids nothing, some or everything?
Whatever's left.
yup, that's the answer

Tribonian
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Tribonian » Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:25 pm

I’ve told the kids the same thing my parents told me:don’t count on anything. We may have spent it all on medical care, trophy spouses or extravagant travel.

We will actually probably help them as much as possible as they grow but I don’t think we’ll talk numbers until they are fully adult.

Clamshell
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Clamshell » Thu Nov 08, 2018 7:28 pm

Who knows. One thing my wife and I do is offer extra $ to each kid to help them reach max contribution each year to 401K and Roth. How we got rich. Paid their college education too.
Now investing our retirement assets as if the kids, about 40 yrs old, already owned them: 85% common stock funds.
Big believer in Bogle, Buffet, Charles Schwab. God bless em.

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:09 pm

staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
Same. If I were asked that question, the amount would be ratcheted down the next day.

My disappointment would never rebound.

Beegaphone
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Beegaphone » Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:23 pm

My wife's parents are at high risk of dementia and struggle with alcohol abuse, yet their retirement plan is to "work until they croak". We've been keeping fully informed on their assets since our mid 20s so that we know how much it will impact us when they're no longer able to keep working.

Something to consider before we bust out the pitchforks for Small Law Survivor's daughter!

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:30 pm

Beegaphone wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:23 pm
My wife's parents are at high risk of dementia and struggle with alcohol abuse, yet their retirement plan is to "work until they croak". We've been keeping fully informed on their assets since our mid 20s so that we know how much it will impact us when they're no longer able to keep working.

Something to consider before we bust out the pitchforks for Small Law Survivor's daughter!
No pitchforks intended for anyone else's kids--just mine. YMMV.

mirror
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by mirror » Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:36 pm

Beegaphone wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:23 pm
My wife's parents are at high risk of dementia and struggle with alcohol abuse, yet their retirement plan is to "work until they croak". We've been keeping fully informed on their assets since our mid 20s so that we know how much it will impact us when they're no longer able to keep working.

Something to consider before we bust out the pitchforks for Small Law Survivor's daughter!
+1 a lot of cynicism about that person's kid. I asked my parents several years ago because I know they never made a ton and wanted to make sure they would be okay in retirement not because I was mining for gold...

It seems like a lot of people want control from the grave and have unhealthy relationship with kids but still feel superior because they are leaving a 'legacy'. Changing a will because of a comment from a child seems pretty vindictive. Do they know there are strings attached to their inheritance?

I find it rather interesting that the statistics on millionaires shows a pretty poor outcome for multigenerational wealth.

Bacchus01
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Bacchus01 » Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:39 pm

staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
I’ve never asked my parents (now 70) other than “are you guys doing okay? It was more from a “anything I need to do to help” then “I can’t wait to get my hands on it.” The reality is that my parents are the classic example of people who spent most of their adult life renting houses, living check to check, and generally always scrapping by. That said, I had a great childhood and we were never in an unsafe environment.

But their lives frankly really started to accelerate when me and my brothers were gone. Thankfully.

With our kids (17, 13, 9) we give them a sense but not direct info. The biggest thing we share is that we got it through education and hard work that we did ourselves. Our parents gave us nothing financially after we left home at 18. That’s true of my wife and I. I want my kids to know that we are there for them and we don’t need their help, but they need to earn it on their own.

JGoneRiding
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by JGoneRiding » Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:30 pm

RickBoglehead wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:12 pm
We had 529 accounts for both our kids that did not get emptied. We're the owners, they were the beneficiaries. We simply changed the beneficiary on each to myself, and they have no idea that the accounts have funds left. We plan on utilizing both for future grandchildren, and will convey that at the appropriate time.

As to leaving funds outside of the 529s, we're several years from retirement and have no plans to leave anything. In other words, while we're not planning on passing away with just enough for a funeral, we haven't sat down and said "let's leave them $X". We strongly feel that each should stand on their own, make their own lives, and not depend on anything if we pass away. We'll be generous with gifts, we'll lend a helping hand when we can (equally, and within reason), but they don't know the extent of our assets and we don't plan on telling them at least until such time as one or both of us need assistance with managing funds or assets from them, if that ever occurs. We plan on enjoying retirement and right now it appears that we'll end up with very little. If the market returns better than our projections (3.5%), we'll have something to leave (or more to spend). Or if we pass away sooner.
I wish my grandmother had taken this approach. At one point during retirement they had over a million (not at restart it built up to that) and some how their daughters figured at some point they would get a handsome inheritance. I figured with 4 it was never goingto be that much but what ever. Next month or 2 at 98.5 years of age my grandmother will need to go on Medicaid, all the money is gone, 10 years in a retirement home 4 in nursing care will do that.

nonurseorpurse
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by nonurseorpurse » Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:41 pm

ThankYouJack wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:04 pm
I'm curious, especially for those with assets (or planned assets) over $1million. Do you plan to leave your kids nothing, some or everything?
Whatever is left after I die. Both kids have established careers and families. Their inheritance was started with their first "real" jobs after college when I contributed $2000/year for 10 years to their Roth IRAs. The understanding is I will spend the rest of my money in retirement.

I also gift a small amount of cash to them each year plus I've given a one time mid 5 figure amount. The grandchildren's 529 plans are funded to cover about 25% of the cost of 4 years at a state school.

I have no plans to control from the grave. I hope I've taught them well! :)

Dontwasteit
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Dontwasteit » Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:42 pm

Steelerfan...Would you like to adopt a 62 y.o.?

m1collector
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by m1collector » Thu Nov 08, 2018 10:02 pm

I will gladly give everything I have left to my son and his family. None to charity or churches or people outside of the family. Keep it in the family and build the family wealth. It would uncharacteristic to be frugal all my life and then blow it at the end. My son would not blow any money I give him. He would continue to build it up. Family wealth is my goal and should be the goal of my descendants. Imagine a day where your family does not have to send their kids to daycare but can spend time at home with them watching them grow up. I would be willing to give up a lot to support that future. Hopefully I can leave them $1m-$2m and then they can leave at least that to their heirs. The pyramids of the modern age are pyramids of wealth, not stone.

remomnyc
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by remomnyc » Thu Nov 08, 2018 10:38 pm

My kids know I support my parents and that I paid my way through school. I have told them we will pay for their education and pay for our own care so they won't have to support us in our old age. That's all they're expecting; however, we will leave them whatever is left. If Firecalc is to be believed, that could be 7 to 8 figures.

JGoneRiding
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by JGoneRiding » Thu Nov 08, 2018 11:06 pm

Beegaphone wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:47 pm
....

When my parents passed away, they left their $10M in assets to a local hospital and left me 109 firearms.

One hundred and nine firearms. I don't know what to do with them. I wish they had carved a little of that $10M off to get me a storage unit!
This along with the post about only leaving 5k while implying there is a substatuinal amount to leave the Sierra club make me very sad. Not implying what you think your parents felt for you but leaving nothing when there is a lot and leaving unequal amounts is a heavy emotional burden to "leave" your child. Why do parents of any age wish to harm their children like that? Even if the thought was "well they don't need it"

As far as the fire arms go there are generally collectors websites or dealers you can sell to. Go to the next local gun show and start asking questions

Beegaphone
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Beegaphone » Fri Nov 09, 2018 12:01 am

JGoneRiding wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 11:06 pm
Beegaphone wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:47 pm
....

When my parents passed away, they left their $10M in assets to a local hospital and left me 109 firearms.

One hundred and nine firearms. I don't know what to do with them. I wish they had carved a little of that $10M off to get me a storage unit!
This along with the post about only leaving 5k while implying there is a substatuinal amount to leave the Sierra club make me very sad. Not implying what you think your parents felt for you but leaving nothing when there is a lot and leaving unequal amounts is a heavy emotional burden to "leave" your child. Why do parents of any age wish to harm their children like that? Even if the thought was "well they don't need it"

As far as the fire arms go there are generally collectors websites or dealers you can sell to. Go to the next local gun show and start asking questions
At the risk of getting a little emotional, and hopefully to give a little advice to any other parents here, the only hard part was not knowing why. I never expected or wanted anything from my parents, but hearing their last will and testament, I just wanted to ask "why?". Was I a disappointment? Were they worried I'd buy a sports car? I'll never get the chance to know.

Make sure you explain to your heirs why you chose the route you chose. It's the only thing we truly owe our children.

Starfish
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Starfish » Fri Nov 09, 2018 12:39 am

staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
It's the opposite way for me.
It is my responsibility the make my son a responsible man. I find ridiculous to hide from the closest person to me how much money I have. This is not how I give him a good education. If I had secrets towards my son I would feel like I have a dysfunctional family.

I have always known exactly how much money my parents have, my mother would periodically show me the papers. I have no interest in their money, but that is not because of the secrecy. The same like I don't steal even if there are no fences and bars at the window. If I need the bars against my own kid, I failed. And what failure is bigger that that? How can it compare with insignificant achievements like the size of my net worth?

So yes, my kid will know probably around 14 or so, how much money his parents have. It's on me to make sure he has enough dignity to make his own path regardless of this information.

PS: I am not sure what to think about asking though...

HIinvestor
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by HIinvestor » Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:42 am

Our kids know we have some real estate and that we won’t need them to support us. They also know we are comfortable and happy, able to travel and dine out as we please plus buy what we want, as well as gifting generously to them.

They’ve never asked and we’ve never mentioned the precise amount of our net worth. Our S surprised us by telling us his net worth. It was a very healthy sum for someone who just turned 30. We don’t know his salary nor his income from his part time job but we do know he earns too much to have a regular Roth IRA and needs to do backdoor conversions instead.

MiddleOfTheRoad
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by MiddleOfTheRoad » Fri Nov 09, 2018 3:30 am

Starfish wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 12:39 am
staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
It's the opposite way for me.
It is my responsibility the make my son a responsible man. I find ridiculous to hide from the closest person to me how much money I have. This is not how I give him a good education. If I had secrets towards my son I would feel like I have a dysfunctional family.

I have always known exactly how much money my parents have, my mother would periodically show me the papers. I have no interest in their money, but that is not because of the secrecy. The same like I don't steal even if there are no fences and bars at the window. If I need the bars against my own kid, I failed. And what failure is bigger that that? How can it compare with insignificant achievements like the size of my net worth?

So yes, my kid will know probably around 14 or so, how much money his parents have. It's on me to make sure he has enough dignity to make his own path regardless of this information.

PS: I am not sure what to think about asking though...
+1 what starfish said.

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randomizer
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by randomizer » Fri Nov 09, 2018 3:38 am

Not even sure I'll have enough for myself. Too much uncertainty. I could die tomorrow, or decades from now. One thing I feel pretty sure of though is they'll get the house.
87.5:12.5, EM tilt — HODL the course!

UKFred
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by UKFred » Fri Nov 09, 2018 4:02 am

I will tell you when I find out:
1. How long my wife and I live
2. How inflationary those years are
3. How the markets perform
4. Whether we need long term care and for how long...

:confused

theplayer11
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by theplayer11 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:13 am

staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
agreed..my 24 and 22 have never asked and I would be shocked if they ever did. I don't agree with parents gifting money to their adult children without a very good reason, IE medical. They should be learning to make it entirely on their own. JMHO.

theplayer11
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by theplayer11 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:19 am

Starfish wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 12:39 am
staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
It's the opposite way for me.
It is my responsibility the make my son a responsible man. I find ridiculous to hide from the closest person to me how much money I have. This is not how I give him a good education. If I had secrets towards my son I would feel like I have a dysfunctional family.

I have always known exactly how much money my parents have, my mother would periodically show me the papers. I have no interest in their money, but that is not because of the secrecy. The same like I don't steal even if there are no fences and bars at the window. If I need the bars against my own kid, I failed. And what failure is bigger that that? How can it compare with insignificant achievements like the size of my net worth?

So yes, my kid will know probably around 14 or so, how much money his parents have. It's on me to make sure he has enough dignity to make his own path regardless of this information.

PS: I am not sure what to think about asking though...
not telling your kids how much money you have is not keeping a secret. I would actually feel like I was boasting if I were to tell my kids what I have. Why risk your kids not giving it their all in life thinking they have daddy's money waiting for them? I don't see any value in that at all.
Now if I inherited my fortune from someone else(meaning didn't work hard for what I have), maybe I would feel differently.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Dandy » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:20 am

What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have?
This was related to a poster who was gifting large amounts of money to his daughter to help her. Maybe the daughter wanted to make sure her parents had enough money to do that without risking their retirement.

We live modestly and recently decided to gift money to our children. We knew they would be concerned that we could afford it. We met with both to discuss our financial situation to put them at ease and to begin the process of them sensing when we may need help with financial decisions. Hopefully, that will be awhile.

We like the idea of helping our children while we are alive and the have financial needs rather than have them wait hopefully for decades and then receive a windfall. Of course a lot depends on your needs, wishes and your children.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:33 am

staythecourse wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:31 pm
Small Law Survivor wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:38 am
Our daughter doesn't know our net worth. She asks, but I tell her that my father didn't share that with me until I was well into my 40s/50s, and I'm inclined to do the same with her. Unsure about this ...
Not to single out this poster, but does anyone else feel this rubs them the same way as it does me? What is the reason a young 24 year old should care how much money their parents have? At this age they should be concerned about how much they have or don't have if they are concerned about $$$.

It seems way too many folks look at their parents as a lottery ticket beyond just hitting the gene lottery.

If my kids (just toddlers now) asked about my finances to figure out how much they stand to inherit I would be pretty disappointed. Maybe its just me?

Good luck.
Did the OP say “daughter is asking about inheritance”? Might it occur to you that the daughter is inquiring to understand if parents are financially able to support themselves in retirement? It’s in the news everyday practically more than 1/3 of baby boomers have zero in retirement savings and Gen X isn’t too far behind that. Personal finance is front and center, as if we did not have enough stress in life.
"One should invest based on their need, ability and willingness to take risk - Larry Swedroe" Asking Portfolio Questions

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:42 am

mirror wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:36 pm
Beegaphone wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:23 pm
My wife's parents are at high risk of dementia and struggle with alcohol abuse, yet their retirement plan is to "work until they croak". We've been keeping fully informed on their assets since our mid 20s so that we know how much it will impact us when they're no longer able to keep working.

Something to consider before we bust out the pitchforks for Small Law Survivor's daughter!
+1 a lot of cynicism about that person's kid. I asked my parents several years ago because I know they never made a ton and wanted to make sure they would be okay in retirement not because I was mining for gold...

It seems like a lot of people want control from the grave and have unhealthy relationship with kids but still feel superior because they are leaving a 'legacy'. Changing a will because of a comment from a child seems pretty vindictive. Do they know there are strings attached to their inheritance?

I find it rather interesting that the statistics on millionaires shows a pretty poor outcome for multigenerational wealth.
+1. This board has quite a few ScroogeMcDucks and Scrooge (who put coal on the fire?) types.
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by FBN2014 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:44 am

Retirement should be enjoyed by doing the things you want to do. If you want to make sure that your heirs have a legacy then decide on the amount and purchase the life insurance to cover that need. Of course this assumes that you are healthy enough to qualify but it is the cheapest way to leverage your money.
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by goblue100 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:49 am

I think some of you are reading a lot into what could be a very innocent question. If my daughter asked, I'm quite sure it would be more out of curiosity than greed.

On a related question, my older brother passed away recently. After everything settles each sibling is going to get about $60,000(He didn't have any kids) . His will stated each of us was to share with our child(ren) as we wished. She is putting $1200 a year in her Roth. I was thinking of giving her enough to max the contribution this year and next, and then maybe spending some on a vacation for all of us. The rest to go into my own retirement accounts. Sound reasonable?
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by moghopper » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:52 am

goblue100 wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:49 am
I think all of you are reading a lot into what could be a very innocent question. If my daughter asked, I'm quite sure it would be more out of curiosity than greed.

On a related question, my older brother passed away recently. After everything settles each sibling is going to get about $60,000(He didn't have any kids) . His will stated each of us was to share with our child(ren) as we wished. She is putting $1200 a year in her Roth. I was thinking of giving her enough to max the contribution this year and next, and then maybe spending some on a vacation for all of us. The rest to go into my own retirement accounts. Sound reasonable?
A little spending... a little saving... that sounds very reasonable. Also, earmarking it for the Roth is a gift that keeps on giving...

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by RickBoglehead » Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:58 am

JGoneRiding wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 9:30 pm
I wish my grandmother had taken this approach. At one point during retirement they had over a million (not at restart it built up to that) and some how their daughters figured at some point they would get a handsome inheritance. I figured with 4 it was never goingto be that much but what ever. Next month or 2 at 98.5 years of age my grandmother will need to go on Medicaid, all the money is gone, 10 years in a retirement home 4 in nursing care will do that.
Putting her money in a 529 doesn't protect it from Medicaid. Transferring ownership of the 529 to someone else, outside the 5 year clawback window, may have sheltered it from Medicaid.

As to paying for assisted living / nursing home, some have the perspective that a person's assets shouldn't be used up in paying for their final years. I personally don't get that, I don't see why society should pay for that care IF a person has assets. A family shouldn't be able to pass on assets while society pays for the care of their elders. My in-laws were in assisted living for almost 4 years. $150 a day, x 2, x 4 years = roughly $438,000. Plus meds, doctors, etc. if not covered by Medicare and their private insurance. When they retired, their assets were well under $100,000, plus a small house. ~25 years later, those assets had been built by the market (which I oversaw) to enough to pay for their care AND have low 6 figures left over. People have the responsibility to plan for their own care as much as possible. Seems like your Grandmother did, but has outlived her assets, which is unfortunate, but happens to many. That's what Medicaid is for, as well as other government assistance programs, and family. I hope that her final years are comfortable ones.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by White Coat Investor » Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:03 am

ThankYouJack wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:04 pm
I'm curious, especially for those with assets (or planned assets) over $1million. Do you plan to leave your kids nothing, some or everything?
I like the Warren Buffett plan- "Enough to do anything they want, but not enough to do nothing at all."

Personally, I'm planning on giving them the most significant part early, in their 20s, with a college fund, a daddy match on their Roth IRA, and a "20s Fund" in an UGMA for missions, schooling, weddings, honeymoons, first cars, house downpayment etc." That's when you can really use the money. Who needs it when you're 70? You're either okay by then or not amount of money is likely to make a big difference since you can't manage it.
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Dandy » Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:17 am

Why risk your kids not giving it their all in life thinking they have daddy's money waiting for them?
I think by the time your "kids" are adults in their 30's you will know whether they are giving it their all and are responsible with money. So, I think the risk of them becoming slackers because they might inherit a bundle down the road is slight. What might actually happen is that they might worry a bit less and be able to make some better decisions. e.g. do I take that high pressure job far from home that pays a bit more or do I spend more time with family. Or maybe we can continue to have a stay at home mom/dad.

It is those type of financial/family decisions that prompt us to gift to our children now vs having them wait until we die. Not everyone can do that. But if you can and decide not to they may get a nice inheritance when they are older and maybe in less need of it.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by AlohaJoe » Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:32 am

White Coat Investor wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:03 am
ThankYouJack wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:04 pm
I'm curious, especially for those with assets (or planned assets) over $1million. Do you plan to leave your kids nothing, some or everything?
I like the Warren Buffett plan
In 2012 Warren Buffett gave his children $600 million each and announced plans to give them $2.1 billion each in the future.

I'm sure your children will appreciate their $2 billion gifts from you :)

Though I'm not sure in what world $2 billion isn't enough to do nothing at all.
Last edited by AlohaJoe on Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:33 am, edited 1 time in total.

ThankYouJack
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by ThankYouJack » Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:33 am

White Coat Investor wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 8:03 am
ThankYouJack wrote:
Tue Nov 06, 2018 1:04 pm
I'm curious, especially for those with assets (or planned assets) over $1million. Do you plan to leave your kids nothing, some or everything?
I like the Warren Buffett plan- "Enough to do anything they want, but not enough to do nothing at all."

Personally, I'm planning on giving them the most significant part early, in their 20s, with a college fund, a daddy match on their Roth IRA, and a "20s Fund" in an UGMA for missions, schooling, weddings, honeymoons, first cars, house downpayment etc." That's when you can really use the money. Who needs it when you're 70? You're either okay by then or not amount of money is likely to make a big difference since you can't manage it.
Are you using a UGMA instead of 529 for school? I'm not too familiar with UGMAs

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Theseus » Fri Nov 09, 2018 9:24 am

I am FIREd at the age of 50 with the net worth in 8 figures. I have struggled with this question a lot and lately coming to a full circle - from not leaving
a penny to let them decide what to do with it.

I have told my kids not build their life with expectation of any inheritance. I grew up lower middle class/poor and it gives me a great satisfaction as to what I have been able to do with the hard work. I tell my kids if you inherit the money, where is your sense of accomplishment in life? Secondly, I chose to make sacrifice of spending time with them (at least the older one) to build the business. They were not given that choice, it was forced upon them. The least I can do is make it up to them (knowing full well that time can't be valued with money) by letting them have the money.

Considering that we are not big spenders - other than travels, there will be substantial money left when we leave this world. Some will be in DAF, some in our own foundation if we go that route, and remaining will go to the kids(70%-80%). In the future when kids are older (in their late 20s), I will start having a discussion on putting ALL the money to good use by either continuing the charitable work I am doing or find their own cause.

The way we have raised our kids, I can not find better stewards of money. IMHO they will be better than giving it to a specific charity or a hospital etc. And even if they choose to spend the money on themselves, I know they will be judicious about it.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by inthearena » Fri Nov 09, 2018 9:28 am

We're probably not going to leave them anything. But we'll do what we can to help get them well set up before we pass. Whatever is left over will be used to create or support a charity we believe in and see making positive change.
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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by JackoC » Fri Nov 09, 2018 10:20 am

mirror wrote:
Thu Nov 08, 2018 8:36 pm

1. It seems like a lot of people want control from the grave and have unhealthy relationship with kids but still feel superior because they are leaving a 'legacy'. Changing a will because of a comment from a child seems pretty vindictive. Do they know there are strings attached to their inheritance?

2. I find it rather interesting that the statistics on millionaires shows a pretty poor outcome for multigenerational wealth.
1. I agree that attempts at control from beyond the grave are generally ill advised. Likewise wielding the power of prospective inheritance while alive. Both of these are classic problems, like spendthrift heirs. However again IMO what 'lot' of people do is not in general necessarily relevant to me, on a lot of topics.

2. Survey by a an organization looking to sell wealth management services. :D In general though, not just on this topic, I'm skeptical of the argument for general 'studies' somehow showing that individuals must be wrong in their perception of their own situation.

And you can also expand the sample of people 'like you' a little at least by looking in extended families before going to 'studies'. Somebody above mentioned 2 in 40 cousins didn't look at parents as a meal ticket. I don't have such a large family but among my kids, brother's stepkids, first cousins' kids and my nieces/nephews on wife's side, that's 20+ people in their 20's-30's, none of them are like that. We are perhaps the only parents likely to give a really sizable inheritance (I don't know exactly, the other older generation members aren't fully aware how much we have, so maybe some of them are also richer than we think), but I don't see that general pattern of behavior. Note, I'm not talking about whether in their deepest thoughts a younger person could say 100% for sure that benefiting financially had *zero* to do with their attitude toward their parents, probably nobody could say that. I'm talking a fairly obvious meal ticket view, which I assume is the case with the 38 cousins rather than the statement being based on mind reading. I don't see that in the younger generation of my extended blood/in-laws family. That doesn't mean it's not true in other families or a 'study'.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by prncrakim » Fri Nov 09, 2018 10:46 am

As far as discussing things with your children is concerned I think the answer is it depends. My in-laws are very wealthy. My wife and I are privy to their finances and future plans. We were fortunate to leave school debt free and received help for a down payment on our first home. We were and are extremely grateful. Beyond that we were on our own and we've made our own way with relative success. Any future inheritance plays no part in our decision making or planning. My wife's sister understands they are wealthy but is not privy to the same information, she can't handle it. More than anything my father-in-law's willingness to be open with me, to mentor me, has helped me enormously in my career and life. Our own children are growing up in a life far removed from my own at that age, I do worry about it, but we do our best. Cheers.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by Amy2017 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 12:36 pm

We live in a nice neighborhood, but other than travel expense, my husband and I are pretty frugal. My kids are still in grade school. One day they asked us whether we are considered rich. This seems a awkward question to answer. I thought about it for a second, then said, 'That will depend on whom we compare to. Compare to Bill Gates, we are very poor. Compare to those homeless people, we are very rich. Compare to those kids in our neighborhood and your school, we are average.' My kids were very stratified with my answer and have not asked this question again.

If we could afford, we plan to pay their college education in full, max their Roth IRA and 401K contribution when they are eligible. We have already started to teach them some basic financial lessons. Hopefully they will master the skills when getting older. Whatever left after we die will be given them as well.

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Re: How much money are you leaving your kids after you die?

Post by TomatoTomahto » Fri Nov 09, 2018 1:36 pm

goblue100 wrote:
Fri Nov 09, 2018 7:49 am
I think some of you are reading a lot into what could be a very innocent question. If my daughter asked, I'm quite sure it would be more out of curiosity than greed.
I agree. I once asked how my parents were doing, wondering if they were okay, and the reaction was that they didn't have any excess to lend me. I was a spendthrift in my earlier years, so I get it, but I was wondering if there was any help that they needed. Happily for all of us, they were doing fine.
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