Thank you from a widow

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
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Mintee
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Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:23 pm

Thank you from a widow

Post by Mintee » Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:19 pm

I have benefited from this forum and the wisdom of its members for many years. You have helped me prepare for retirement, develop contingencies, plan for my grandchildren's future education and so much more.

Sadly, I will now going forward alone, as my husband died. I've met other widows and widowers who didn't know how to handle their financial affairs following the death of a spouse. One spouse who had to move because her husband had obtained a reverse mortgage. Another spouse found that her husband had converted all their savings into gold and had to sell it, at a loss, to pay her bills. There are other difficult stories, as well.

Thank you for the wisdom you have shared and will continue to share. What you do is important. You have helped me, and you will help many, many more people become financially independent so they can go forward.

Thank you!

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bligh
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by bligh » Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:24 pm

I am so very sorry for your loss.

I am not going through a difficult time as you are, however, I will join you in thanking all those who share their wisdom here. It is humbling to think of just how much of a financial impact the knowledge and wisdom this community shares has had on me and my family.

Be strong.
Last edited by bligh on Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

edgeagg
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by edgeagg » Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:25 pm

Very sorry for your loss. Hopefully money worries won't add to the pain you feel right now. Like you, I find bogleheads to be not just valuable, but also a set of people who are genuinely caring - a rare characteristic on the internet these days.

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tennisplyr
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by tennisplyr » Fri Sep 21, 2018 4:52 pm

Sorry for your loss, take some comfort in knowing that many here are able/willing to offer some guidance.
Those who move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.

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bottlecap
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by bottlecap » Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:37 pm

My condolences. Thanks for sharing your experience, however, as I think it will serve to encourage and inspire lurkers on this forum who find themselves in similar situations.

Take care,

JT

Mr.BB
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by Mr.BB » Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:53 pm

edgeagg wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:25 pm
Very sorry for your loss. Hopefully money worries won't add to the pain you feel right now. Like you, I find bogleheads to be not just valuable, but also a set of people who are genuinely caring - a rare characteristic on the internet these days.
+1
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

Gretchen
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by Gretchen » Fri Sep 21, 2018 6:06 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I found this forum a dozen years ago when my stock in my previous (privately-held) company suddenly sold for double the most I ever expected. Thanks to this forum, I invested with Vanguard, and we are now retired in comfort.

Thank you for sharing your situation. You have reminded me that DH and I will not live forever, and I need to move forward in documenting how I manage our money. He's brilliant but uninterested, but he'll get pretty darn interested if it falls entirely on him one day.

FoolStreet
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by FoolStreet » Fri Sep 21, 2018 6:08 pm

Mintee wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:19 pm
I have benefited from this forum and the wisdom of its members for many years. You have helped me prepare for retirement, develop contingencies, plan for my grandchildren's future education and so much more.

Sadly, I will now going forward alone, as my husband died. I've met other widows and widowers who didn't know how to handle their financial affairs following the death of a spouse. One spouse who had to move because her husband had obtained a reverse mortgage. Another spouse found that her husband had converted all their savings into gold and had to sell it, at a loss, to pay her bills. There are other difficult stories, as well.

Thank you for the wisdom you have shared and will continue to share. What you do is important. You have helped me, and you will help many, many more people become financially independent so they can go forward.

Thank you!
So sorry for your loss. We are so grateful that you are Boglehead here with us.

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Kenkat
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by Kenkat » Fri Sep 21, 2018 6:39 pm

Very sorry for your loss. It is time to write a new chapter in your life, which I am sure you will do when the time is right.

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LonePrairie
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by LonePrairie » Fri Sep 21, 2018 7:16 pm

I'm sorry for your loss. (I'm a widow too.) I'm glad this forum has helped you.

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ChowYunPhat
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by ChowYunPhat » Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:02 pm

Mintee wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:19 pm
I have benefited from this forum and the wisdom of its members for many years. You have helped me prepare for retirement, develop contingencies, .........Thank you for the wisdom you have shared and will continue to share. What you do is important. You have helped me, and you will help many, many more people become financially independent so they can go forward.
Thank you Mintee. I share the same sentiments with the forum and appreciate you sharing this. It makes participating more rewarding.

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you and your family well as you enter the next season of life. Blessings to you.
A wise man and his money are friends forever...

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celia
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by celia » Sat Sep 22, 2018 1:27 am

Mintee wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:19 pm
I have benefited from this forum and the wisdom of its members for many years. You have helped me prepare for retirement, develop contingencies, plan for my grandchildren's future education and so much more.

Sadly, I will now going forward alone, as my husband died. I've met other widows and widowers who didn't know how to handle their financial affairs following the death of a spouse. One spouse who had to move because her husband had obtained a reverse mortgage. Another spouse found that her husband had converted all their savings into gold and had to sell it, at a loss, to pay her bills. There are other difficult stories, as well.

Thank you for the wisdom you have shared and will continue to share. What you do is important. You have helped me, and you will help many, many more people become financially independent so they can go forward.

Thank you!
Thank you for your kind words, Mintee. It is easy to forget about all who have benefited from this forum but have never posted. Please spread the word that we are here to help anyone who wants financial help. And wives need to find out where the family assets are held and their value. They need to ask questions that show they are interested in their financial security should their husbands pre-decease them. They may even need to take the lead in saving for the future if the family doesn't have much in savings.

If your DH passed away recently, may I remind you to check to see if the beneficiaries on all of your accounts are up-to-date. For example, if DH left an account to you, you need to now specify the beneficiary(ies) should you die with money still in the account. If you leave accounts without beneficiaries listed, they may end up going through probate.

jehovasfitness
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by jehovasfitness » Sat Sep 22, 2018 6:17 am

In regards to the reverse mortgage widow. How come she had to move? Was only husband on the title of the house?

I'm not that knowledgable on them but I assumed a living spouse could stay in a home unless maybe she couldn't afford the property taxes.

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David Jay
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by David Jay » Sat Sep 22, 2018 9:56 am

Gretchen wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 6:06 pm
Thank you for sharing your situation. You have reminded me that DH and I will not live forever, and I need to move forward in documenting how I manage our money. He's brilliant but uninterested, but he'll get pretty darn interested if it falls entirely on him one day.
I have written 2 letters to my spouse, the first one to say that they will be fine, financially and not to make any big decisions in the first 6 months.

The second summarizes our finances and explains some basics (like stay away from so called “financial planners” and annuity sales people. I point her to BH and say that she should follow unanimous advice, and when there are a wide range of opinions, it probably doesn’t matter.
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future - Niels Bohr | To get the "risk premium", you really do have to take the risk - nisiprius

Mintee
Posts: 90
Joined: Sun Aug 12, 2012 2:23 pm

Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by Mintee » Fri Oct 19, 2018 3:27 pm

To Jehovasfitness: I am sorry I didn't answer you sooner regarding the reverse mortgage question. I understand that this was a second marriage, and the husband had already placed his house in the reverse mortgage. His wife knew this, so it wasn't a shock, but it's an added complication. It gets worse--the her stepdaughter filed suit against her for her father's estate, so the new widow had to think about moving, deal with a suit (which was ultimately dropped), etc. while grieving.

Making decisions while grieving is not advisable, as most experienced people will tell you. I am sorry that she had to determine where to live and what she could spend on a house while she was going through this.

Thank you.

barnaclebob
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by barnaclebob » Fri Oct 19, 2018 3:33 pm

So sorry for your loss. I'm glad this forum was able to make it so you didn't have to untangle a financial mess at a time when money is the last thing you want to think about.

BogleMelon
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by BogleMelon » Fri Oct 19, 2018 3:37 pm

So sorry for your loss, Mintee.
Mintee wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:19 pm
There are other difficult stories, as well.
I am not sure if I am the only one here who is interested in learning financial difficult stories of others. The reason is I'm far away from retirement age, and I find it very educational and very refreshing to read real life stories, not just financial successes stories, but also financial failures. Perhaps you can share some of these?
"One of the funny things about stock market, every time one is buying another is selling, and both think they are astute" - William Feather

Mintee
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by Mintee » Sat Oct 20, 2018 1:35 pm

Regarding financial "challenges", BogleMelon (I don't know how to correctly copy and paste your post), I think there are two main ones. One is not saving enough to meet your needs. Another is being so tight with your money that you don't enjoy your life--and then there's no life to enjoy or the person you most want to be with can't enjoy his/hers.

I am mainly in the Land of the Widows, so I know more about the problems faced by women. I know of one woman who worries that she will have to sell her house because the property taxes she anticipated on the new home she and her husband constructed are much higher than the builder estimated. She is not a stupid woman, but she deferred to her husband on financial matters.

While I was preparing to write this, a 61-year old friend told me she just learned she has emphysema. A month ago, I had challenged her to run the numbers on when to take Social Security because she wanted to claim at 62 so she and her partner could travel. She will likely have to continue to work for awhile to afford Chantix (does anyone know of any programs in Arizona that help pay the cost of that?). And she likely won't be traveling for very long. I had a similar conversation with a 62-year old friend when I asked her to double-check the distribution of her ex-husband's pension (she is sure she will get it when he dies). A 62-year old widower told me that he and his wife had carefully planned to have enough to retire for two people--and now he has more than he needs. He would, of course, rather have his wife.

I don't know where the balance is between having enough and having more than you need. Money is important, but family and friends are vital. Being able to climb Mt. Everest or take that RV trip cross-country--and having someone to travel with you--will always trump money. I think that continues to be my most important lesson.

mariezzz
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by mariezzz » Sat Oct 20, 2018 5:45 pm

Condolences to you; I hope you had many happy years together.

Maybe at some point you can start a study group with some friends, to help others improve their finances?

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goodenyou
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by goodenyou » Sat Oct 20, 2018 6:00 pm

This post made me wonder how many Bogleheads in a marriage participate in this forum alone or with their spouse. If you adhere to Boglehead advice, chances are that you are considerate enough to be sure your surviving spouse is financially viable with good insurance and/or good planning. Wives (in most cases) that allow their husbands to "take care of all the finances" may be shocked at how poorly they are positioned when their spouse dies. Glad to hear you took charge of your finances. It will (has) served you well.
"Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge" | "The best years you have left are the ones you have right now"

staythecourse
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by staythecourse » Sat Oct 20, 2018 7:17 pm

This post needs to be sticked for 2 reasons.

1. Th is the REASON we learn about finances. It is NOT about retiring early or buying the big house or putting numbers into the many online calculators and making ourselves feel we are smarter then nearly everyone else. The reason we learn (like anything else in life) is for EMPOWERMENT. This post is a perfect example. The feeling one can stand on their own two feet in this world is the most important quality to learn and it can never be complete since we don't live in a social welfare country until you learn about personal finances.

2. This the REASON this forum exists. It is not for us to sound smart debating small details but to have a platform where folks who might never post find a place for their investing feet to land to learn.

These posts make me proud of being a member of this forum.

Good luck.
"The stock market [fluctuation], therefore, is noise. A giant distraction from the business of investing.” | -Jack Bogle

tarmangani
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by tarmangani » Sat Oct 20, 2018 9:55 pm

staythecourse wrote:
Sat Oct 20, 2018 7:17 pm
This post needs to be sticked for 2 reasons.

1. Th is the REASON we learn about finances. It is NOT about retiring early or buying the big house or putting numbers into the many online calculators and making ourselves feel we are smarter then nearly everyone else. The reason we learn (like anything else in life) is for EMPOWERMENT. This post is a perfect example. The feeling one can stand on their own two feet in this world is the most important quality to learn and it can never be complete since we don't live in a social welfare country until you learn about personal finances.

2. This the REASON this forum exists. It is not for us to sound smart debating small details but to have a platform where folks who might never post find a place for their investing feet to land to learn.

These posts make me proud of being a member of this forum.

Good luck.
Very well said.

And very sorry for your loss, OP.

MJS
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by MJS » Sat Oct 20, 2018 10:07 pm

Mintee wrote:
Sat Oct 20, 2018 1:35 pm
... she just learned she has emphysema. A month ago, I had challenged her to run the numbers on when to take Social Security because she wanted to claim at 62 so she and her partner could travel. She will likely have to continue to work for awhile to afford Chantix (does anyone know of any programs in Arizona that help pay the cost of that?).
Arizona Smokers’ Helpline, ASH Line,
https://ashline.org/
1-800-55-66-222

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mfswatz9
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by mfswatz9 » Sat Oct 20, 2018 10:56 pm

It's really appalling in this day and age that so many people, especially females, have no idea about their financial status.

I talked to a female friend recently who is married to a man on his third marriage. He has told her that upon his death she will get their condo, but all his CD's are going to his children. They have no children. She doesn't know how the title to their condo reads. He manages all her money, her inheritance. I have urged her to sit down and ask him to go over all their finances but I don't know if she has done that. She seems to have lived in la-la land their entire marriage. So sad.

shell921
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Re: Thank you from a widow

Post by shell921 » Sun Oct 21, 2018 11:24 am

Mintee wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:19 pm
I have benefited from this forum and the wisdom of its members for many years. You have helped me prepare for retirement, develop contingencies, plan for my grandchildren's future education and so much more.

Sadly, I will now going forward alone, as my husband died. I've met other widows and widowers who didn't know how to handle their financial affairs following the death of a spouse. One spouse who had to move because her husband had obtained a reverse mortgage. Another spouse found that her husband had converted all their savings into gold and had to sell it, at a loss, to pay her bills. There are other difficult stories, as well.

Thank you for the wisdom you have shared and will continue to share. What you do is important. You have helped me, and you will help many, many more people become financially independent so they can go forward.

Thank you!
Mintee - So very sorry you are now a member of the "club" no one wants to belong to. Well almost no one! I did meet a few widows in the
grief groups I attended that felt they were now "free". :confused

I became a widow in 2014 at the age of 66. My beloved husband was 9 years older, we had been together 40 years and it was a huge shock as
he died after a sudden brief illness.

As other have posted here, it is sad so many widows are so financially unprepared to deal with life.
In my area, a local woman hosted a free workshop based on what she learned about financial and legal issues after her husband’s sudden death.

It was called “What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting” .


The first workshop was so successful she offered another one a year later :

http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/ran ... story.html

http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/pom ... story.html

I too wish to thank this forum for all I have learned. I learn something new every day from this group!
:happy :happy :happy

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