How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

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Pajamas
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Pajamas » Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:03 pm

Katietsu wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:54 pm
Grandma is 90 with half a million dollars plus enough cash flow to cover expenses. Grandma wants to give her granddaughter $100. Son tells Mom that she can not spend any of her nest egg and must give something up if she wants to make the gift.

That sounds very unreasonable. I am making no judgement on whether the gift to the niece is a good idea. I think son is imposing his beliefs on his Mom. The stress that son is causing to Mom is likely just really not worth the $100.

It is actually the grandmother's daughter/caregiver and the niece's aunt, not the son/uncle posting.

The $450-500k net worth includes the condo she lives in as well as the house she moved from but hasn't sold yet.

Grandmother has early dementia and will need assisted living at $80k a year if she is lucky.

The granddaughter is 42 and she asked for the $100. Grandmother didn't decide to offer it spontaneously. Granddaughter has a habit of sponging small amounts from grandmother.

scorcher31
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by scorcher31 » Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:35 pm

If this is really a once a year or so thing an your mother is 90, I would have no problem with $100. The question is is it going to lead to more money or is she getting more money than you realize from you mom (you'd be surprised how frequently you might find our this is happening every month). That would be a much bigger concern.

With that said I do find it odd that she is asking her demented Grandmother for money and not her parents. I never would have asked anyone but my parents for money. The other thing is if your grandmother is able to cover her expenses with income including some of her haircuts and she has 500k+ is assets she probably is in pretty good shape and can do what she wants.

Where I grew up in the country you never saved up assets for nursing home care as they take them all, house etc. You always transfer everything out of your name years in advance to your heir and then right when your at the end you go to a nursing home that's covered by social security/medicaid. If I was severely demented I doubt I would care at that point, but again everyone probably has different experiences.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by dknightd » Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:42 pm

Katietsu wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:54 pm
That sounds very unreasonable. I am making no judgement on whether the gift to the niece is a good idea. I think son is imposing his beliefs on his Mom. The stress that son is causing to Mom is likely just really not worth the $100.
That is how I read it as well . . . But it might be a daughter

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randomizer
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by randomizer » Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:54 pm

I just wish grown-ups would act like grown-ups when it comes to money.
75:25 — HODL the course!

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ClevrChico
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by ClevrChico » Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:55 pm

PhilosophyAndrew wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:06 pm
ClevrChico wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:40 pm
As others have said, it's not the amount, but the danger of starting a bad habit. Do not give/loan money to family and friends.
Quite a generalization.

Do you really think that every act of familial generosity, no matter the context, puts the recepients’ fiancial soul in jeopardy?

From the OP’s description, the niece is a hard-working, well-educated person who occasionally gets into a financial jam and asks for small help. Would all relatives refusing to help really help the niece’s character? Would any relative agreeing to help really hurt her character?

Your generalization seems as absurd as this contrary one: Always give modest sums to family in need to avoid starting the bad habit of stinginess. Both generalizations are absurd because they ignore crucial specific details about the request’s context. Without understanding thst context, it is difficult to make an informed decision.

Andy.
Money/business should normally not be mixed with family/friends. It's far from absurd. I'm not sure if I would have been laughed at or scorned if I tried to pull this with an elder family member. Working overtime or getting a second job are still options. I guess the gofundme culture is taking over.

I'm sure their are some cases where gifting money is actually justified. I just haven't seen it.
Last edited by ClevrChico on Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

DIFAR31
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by DIFAR31 » Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:58 pm

dknightd wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:42 pm
Katietsu wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:54 pm
That sounds very unreasonable. I am making no judgement on whether the gift to the niece is a good idea. I think son is imposing his beliefs on his Mom. The stress that son is causing to Mom is likely just really not worth the $100.
That is how I read it as well . . . But it might be a daughter
Really? OP's user name is "texasgal47," which doesn't sound like a son/brother/uncle.

Katietsu
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Katietsu » Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:50 pm

Pajamas wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 8:03 pm
Katietsu wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:54 pm
Grandma is 90 with half a million dollars plus enough cash flow to cover expenses. Grandma wants to give her granddaughter $100. Son tells Mom that she can not spend any of her nest egg and must give something up if she wants to make the gift.

That sounds very unreasonable. I am making no judgement on whether the gift to the niece is a good idea. I think son is imposing his beliefs on his Mom. The stress that son is causing to Mom is likely just really not worth the $100.

It is actually the grandmother's daughter/caregiver and the niece's aunt, not the son/uncle posting.

The $450-500k net worth includes the condo she lives in as well as the house she moved from but hasn't sold yet.

Grandmother has early dementia and will need assisted living at $80k a year if she is lucky.

The granddaughter is 42 and she asked for the $100. Grandmother didn't decide to offer it spontaneously. Granddaughter has a habit of sponging small amounts from grandmother.
Sorry, I did not focus on the gender of the OP and chose the wrong one. I also understand that grandma has early dementia and that money will likely be needed for care.

Maybe it would be appropriate to give the $100 and let the niece/granddaughter know directly that it will be the last time. And that she should not even ask in the future. I know that a variation of this was done before but maybe not so bluntly.

In any case, I would not be having a conversation about giving up hair appointments. Whether or not there is enough money for LTC is not going to hinge on a $100. I do still think that the daughter likely let her own frustration with her niece come out in the conversation with Mom. Just really not worth it.

kjvmartin
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by kjvmartin » Mon Apr 30, 2018 9:52 pm

Let me tell you a story of two grandparents. My grandma and grandpa - divorced decades ago.

Grandma had five kids (many many grandkids later) and worked two jobs. She received a very modest fixed pension and kept working well into her 80s as a resident manager for free housing. As I was working my way through college she would send notes regularly.. "Don't tell anyone" and usually a $20 bill. When I got my first apartment after college, she wanted to buy me a piece of furniture. "Don't tell anyone" I still have the ottoman going on 12 years.

Grandpa had assets galore. New cars -cash- every two years, stocks, paid off house. Generous pension. Grandpa gave the grandkids each $5 on their birthday until they turned 18 and that was it. I lived nearby in high school in a very poor town with a family who struggled hard after a divorce. I was foolish enough to ask for a small loan toward my fist vehicle. Hard lesson. No help offered to anyone in the extended family ever.

When grandma started succumbing to age, it was evident how she rubbed off on her kids and how eager they were to reciprocate. They nearly fought over who would care for her at home. She ended up splitting time around town. Her funeral was "off the hook" with people who she touched. Turns out I wasn't the only one getting notes "Don't tell anyone" all those years. Grandpa, on the other hand, received professional honors for his career at the funeral. He was a good man and I deeply respect him, but the "feel" of each service was quite different. Grandpa's heirs inherited well. Grandma left behind nothing at all.

My point is this - you can't take it with you.

mouses
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by mouses » Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:32 pm

MnyGrl wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:15 pm
mouses wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:07 pm
MnyGrl wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:18 pm
I hope that when I'm old I won't be spending so much on my hair (getting hair done every week? 52 times a year????) that I wouldn't be able to give a struggling relative $100 if it was really needed.
Believe it or not, it takes some effort to wash your hair when you're old. Your arms get weak holding them up to blow dry it, etc. I know many older women who pay to have their hair washed once a week. I think the local senior center here (non-resident) had a hairdresser come in once a week. We're talking basic maintenance here in terms of cleanliness, not hair dye, etc.

I don't know what's going on with the granddaughter. She needs smallish amounts of money periodically, but she pays for cable? Why doesn't she skip cable and save that money for when she needs it. I don't think it's out of line to suggest financial management education.

I do think it was bad cess for her to ask her elderly grandmother for this and I'm glad the grandmother told the OP. I second the OP's sitting down with the granddaughter and saying the grandmother can't afford it, and is the granddaughter willing to chip in when things get tough for the grandmother. That ought to put the fear of God into her at least.
If she is paying $35+ a pop, she is having her hair "done," not washed. If OP is her caretaker, could she not help her wash her hair occasionally?
Wash and blow dry is $40 in my area.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by mouses » Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:39 pm

Good Listener wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:57 pm
If my mother did not give a granddaughter $100 I would be very angry. Whether it was my daughter or a siblings daughter. At 90 yeats9old she can't afford the $100? Are you somehow emotionally involved in this? $100 isn't worth a minute' s thought.
Really? Why aren't you forking out the $100? If I had an adult kid asking a 90 year old grandparent for money, I would be ashamed of the kid.

Larry2623
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Larry2623 » Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:57 pm

Personally I would not have spent the time typing all the OP did over $100...But if you do, I can not believe you told your 90 yo mom she had to give up something (suffer) to help her niece...just cruel!! But I guess you felt you needed to teach a 90 yo a valuable life lesson.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by supersharpie » Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:02 pm

Larry2623 wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:57 pm
Personally I would not have spent the time typing all the OP did over $100...But if you do, I can not believe you told your 90 yo mom she had to give up something (suffer) to help her niece...just cruel!! But I guess you felt you needed to teach a 90 yo a valuable life lesson.
This occurred to me as well. The OP is infantalizing Grandma. $100 won't mean a bit of difference to a 90 year old who, statistically, has about two years to live.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Pajamas » Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:07 pm

supersharpie wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:02 pm
90 year old who, statistically, has about two years to live.
Actually about five years statistically.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by supersharpie » Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:10 pm

Pajamas wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:07 pm
supersharpie wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:02 pm
90 year old who, statistically, has about two years to live.
Actually about five years statistically.
Regardless...Grams can spend down 10% of assets annually without batting an eye. OP sounds like she has her eyes on Grandma's estate.

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Pajamas
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Pajamas » Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:13 pm

supersharpie wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:10 pm

Regardless...Grams can spend down 10% of assets annually without batting an eye.
She did mention the potential need for assisted living at $80k a year. . . .

Afty
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Afty » Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:56 pm

I find it odd that a 42 year old woman would ask her grandmother for $100. What middle-aged adult would even think to do that? If it were a question of the grandma wanting to gift the $100 unprompted, then it’s a different discussion.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by jminv » Tue May 01, 2018 2:20 am

Although the request and the amount sound odd, grandmother should give it if she wants to. Or you can loan it to granddaughter. Although it seems to small too matter, it might actually to granddaughter given she's a hard worker. Grandmother has the money and she would probably rather her granddaughter have it than it be eventually spent on a nursing home before depleting all her assets and transitioning to medicaid. She also seems to be with it enough to want to give the granddaughter the money. I wouldn't want to take away from the small things she wants to spend her money either on her hair or a small sum helping out her granddaughter. It'll make her feel good and give her a sense of some control in her life.

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Pajamas
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Pajamas » Tue May 01, 2018 3:12 am

Afty wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 11:56 pm
I find it odd that a 42 year old woman would ask her grandmother for $100. What middle-aged adult would even think to do that?
I think some of the people who are defending the granddaughter in this scenario probably sponge off their parents and grandparents, too. :twisted:

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by MrJones » Tue May 01, 2018 4:19 am

barnaclebob wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 3:32 pm
$100 can't make a meaningful difference in any Americans life. Your niece doesn't need the money, she just wants it. If she really does need it, as in "I don't have any money to buy food for a few weeks" then she should be looking into bankruptcy along with getting a new job.
+1. I can see that perhaps $100 every week or month would make a difference, if there's a strong financial plan in place. But asking for a one time $100 sounds almost disrespectful, because she's doing it just because she can. Not at all a good thing to encourage IMHO.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by MnyGrl » Tue May 01, 2018 6:35 am

mouses wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:32 pm
MnyGrl wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:15 pm
mouses wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 6:07 pm
MnyGrl wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 5:18 pm
I hope that when I'm old I won't be spending so much on my hair (getting hair done every week? 52 times a year????) that I wouldn't be able to give a struggling relative $100 if it was really needed.
Believe it or not, it takes some effort to wash your hair when you're old. Your arms get weak holding them up to blow dry it, etc. I know many older women who pay to have their hair washed once a week. I think the local senior center here (non-resident) had a hairdresser come in once a week. We're talking basic maintenance here in terms of cleanliness, not hair dye, etc.

I don't know what's going on with the granddaughter. She needs smallish amounts of money periodically, but she pays for cable? Why doesn't she skip cable and save that money for when she needs it. I don't think it's out of line to suggest financial management education.

I do think it was bad cess for her to ask her elderly grandmother for this and I'm glad the grandmother told the OP. I second the OP's sitting down with the granddaughter and saying the grandmother can't afford it, and is the granddaughter willing to chip in when things get tough for the grandmother. That ought to put the fear of God into her at least.
If she is paying $35+ a pop, she is having her hair "done," not washed. If OP is her caretaker, could she not help her wash her hair occasionally?
Wash and blow dry is $40 in my area.
As I said, if OP helps her, it is free. I wash my kids hair all the time, and my dog’s. They are squirmy as heck and it is still possible.

This does not sound like a high COL area. I live in one, but you can go to places like Hair Cuttery and they will wash and dry your hair for less than $40.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by PhilosophyAndrew » Tue May 01, 2018 8:27 am

Pajamas wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 3:12 am
I think some of the people who are defending the granddaughter in this scenario probably sponge off their parents and grandparents, too. :twisted:
Family norms differ. It could well be that those of us who are less zealous about saying “No way!” live in families where people enjoy helping each other out financially.

For example, in my family from the time I graduated college until his death my Dad gave me a generous gift each year for my birthday because he could afford it and wanted to share. When I was a young graduate student, this gift constituted a meaningful financial buffer; as Inmadee my own way in the world, the money he gave meant less to me but the gift itself was meaningful because my Dad enjoyed giving it. Unless I perceive a reason not to, I’ll provide a smiler gift to my daughter when she becomes an adult — and so a family norm is established.

What members of one family perceives as tough love to promote sound financial character might be perceived as cruelty or selfishness within a different family. Either of these perspectives could make perfect sense in a particular familial context. Pluralism of values can be a beautiful thing.

Andy.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by MnyGrl » Tue May 01, 2018 8:37 am

PhilosophyAndrew wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 8:27 am
Pajamas wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 3:12 am
I think some of the people who are defending the granddaughter in this scenario probably sponge off their parents and grandparents, too. :twisted:
Family norms differ. It could well be that those of us who are less zealous about saying “No way!” live in families where people enjoy helping each other out financially.

For example, in my family from the time I graduated college until his deatg my Dad gave me a generous gift each year for my birthday because he has extra and wanted to share. When I was a young graduate student, this gift constituted a meaningful financial buffer;!2$3! I was older, the money itself meant less to me but the gift itself was meaningful because my Dad enjoyed giving it. Unless I perceive a reason. It to, I’ll provide a smiler gift to my daughter when she becomes an adult — and so a family norm is established.

What members of one family perceives as tough love to promote sound financial character might be perceived as cruelty or selfishness within a different family. Either of these perspectives could make perfect sense in a particular familial context. Pluralism of values can be a beautiful thing.

Andy.
+1.

I don't think OP has returned so all this discussion may be for naught. And I'm getting out of here too.

But I want to suggest that the niece has been giving her grandmother the gift of her time and money, it seems, for a long time. She has been paying for plane tickets to visit her and spending time with her, even when she does not have a regular full-time job and is struggling financially. I am not sure why spending thousands of dollars on plane tickets means nothing to the OP or grandmother.

I have a friend who was in a similar situation - her parents divorced in her early adulthood, and dad moved across the country. Visiting him would regularly cost her thousands of dollars a year, and she was struggling to find a good job and to stay afloat. He never offered a dime to help fly her out there, and she never asked. Given that she would spend all that money to visit him on a regular basis, if she had needed $100 for some reason, and he turned her down, this would have caused a giant rift in their relationship.

OP, I hope you will consider that you never have to spend any money to visit your mother since you live nearby, but your niece must shell out money to maintain this relationship with your mother. I assume that your mother loves her granddaughter and would like these visits to continue.

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Pajamas
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Pajamas » Tue May 01, 2018 8:49 am

PhilosophyAndrew wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 8:27 am
For example, in my family from the time I graduated college until his death my Dad gave me a generous gift each year for my birthday because he could afford it and wanted to share. When I was a young graduate student, this gift constituted a meaningful financial buffer; as Inmadee my own way in the world, the money he gave meant less to me but the gift itself was meaningful because my Dad enjoyed giving it. Unless I perceive a reason not to, I’ll provide a smiler gift to my daughter when she becomes an adult — and so a family norm is established.
Giving and receiving gifts vs. a middle aged person sponging off relatives by asking them for money are two different things.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by skp » Tue May 01, 2018 8:50 am

I wonder why the OP thinks she is the only one that gets to make the decision. She has at least a sister. There might be other siblings. Even if OP has been placed in charge of her mothers finances by her siblings- this isn't a mom has to pay the electric bill this month decision where no consensus of opinion is needed. There are more than one GC and a lot of possibilities. Are you going to have a policy of no money for any of them even if they need the money or that only OP gets to decide who deserves or doesn't deserve the money. I know the OP wouldn't be deciding to give her own children money, but I don't see how that differs from OP being the sole decider as to whether to give or not give other siblings in the family money. This is a family decision (assuming the grandmother is incompetent)

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by ychuck46 » Tue May 01, 2018 9:40 am

I suspect she is starting out with this small amount to test the waters; if successful it will ratchet up over time. I would not open that door to her or you'll be in a worse situation down the road. When my father died I took responsibility for my mother's investments, and kept all wolves from her door by making sure she told everyone "that her son made all the decisions". After a few calls from solicitors that s-it ended real quick. You sound like you can wear the black hat and be the bad guy, and it will be to your mother's benefit.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by PhilosophyAndrew » Tue May 01, 2018 9:54 am

ychuck46 wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 9:40 am
I suspect she is starting out with this small amount to test the waters; if successful it will ratchet up over time. I would not open that door to her or you'll be in a worse situation down the road. When my father died I took responsibility for my mother's investments, and kept all wolves from her door by making sure she told everyone "that her son made all the decisions". After a few calls from solicitors that s-it ended real quick. You sound like you can wear the black hat and be the bad guy, and it will be to your mother's benefit.
On what basis does this ssupicion rest? This doesn’t align with the OP’s description of her niece.

Andy.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by PhilosophyAndrew » Tue May 01, 2018 9:57 am

Pajamas wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 8:49 am
Giving and receiving gifts vs. a middle aged person sponging off relatives by asking them for money are two different things.
True. My point was that whether or not this situation constitutes inappropriate sponging depends, in part, on the financial norms in place in OP’s family.

My larger point is that OP’s question is not one that can be answered abstractly or in a vacuum — context matters a lot, and in my view OP hasn’t yet provided sufficient contextual information.

Andy.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by mega317 » Tue May 01, 2018 12:01 pm

MnyGrl wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 6:35 am
As I said, if OP helps her, it is free. I wash my kids hair all the time, and my dog’s. They are squirmy as heck and it is still possible.

This does not sound like a high COL area. I live in one, but you can go to places like Hair Cuttery and they will wash and dry your hair for less than $40.
I hope when you're 90 and income = expenses that your caregiver doesn't stop you from an indulgence that's less than 0.5% of your net worth annually.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by MnyGrl » Tue May 01, 2018 12:07 pm

mega317 wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 12:01 pm
MnyGrl wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 6:35 am
As I said, if OP helps her, it is free. I wash my kids hair all the time, and my dog’s. They are squirmy as heck and it is still possible.

This does not sound like a high COL area. I live in one, but you can go to places like Hair Cuttery and they will wash and dry your hair for less than $40.
I hope when you're 90 and income = expenses that your caregiver doesn't stop you from an indulgence that's less than 0.5% of your net worth annually.
Wow.

I would not stop her. I'm just saying that if indeed money were that tight, it is possible to wash your hair rather than going to a salon every week. This is what most people do, at any income.

I said much earlier that giving $100 to her niece ONCE would not even keep her from getting her hair done at all, given her net worth and income. Especially given how much money her niece has spent in airfare, visiting her.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by getthatmarshmallow » Tue May 01, 2018 12:28 pm

It's hard to know what to say here without more knowledge of the situation. As it's described, it's compatible with many scenarios, but it's a hell of a Rorschach test. I'd have a very hard time telling Grandma that with $500K, in her late 90s, that her decision to give $100 means she has to give up an equivalent small luxury, and while the request may be odd, I can envision plenty of scenarios where it's not a sign of incipient mooching.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Dottie57 » Tue May 01, 2018 12:30 pm

mouses wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:39 pm
Good Listener wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:57 pm
If my mother did not give a granddaughter $100 I would be very angry. Whether it was my daughter or a siblings daughter. At 90 yeats9old she can't afford the $100? Are you somehow emotionally involved in this? $100 isn't worth a minute' s thought.
Really? Why aren't you forking out the $100? If I had an adult kid asking a 90 year old grandparent for money, I would be ashamed of the kid.
+1

grokzilla
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by grokzilla » Tue May 01, 2018 12:35 pm

Wow, folks reading soooooo much into this.

It's just $100. Sure, if there's more history act accordingly, but sheesh. Let mom go with her gut and if she's incapable then go with yours!

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by MathWizard » Tue May 01, 2018 12:36 pm

Dottie57 wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 12:30 pm
mouses wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:39 pm
Good Listener wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:57 pm
If my mother did not give a granddaughter $100 I would be very angry. Whether it was my daughter or a siblings daughter. At 90 yeats9old she can't afford the $100? Are you somehow emotionally involved in this? $100 isn't worth a minute' s thought.
Really? Why aren't you forking out the $100? If I had an adult kid asking a 90 year old grandparent for money, I would be ashamed of the kid.
+1
The OP is the aunt, not the parent.
Where the parent's are in all this has not been answered.

PhilosophyAndrew
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by PhilosophyAndrew » Tue May 01, 2018 12:40 pm

getthatmarshmallow wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 12:28 pm
It's hard to know what to say here without more knowledge of the situation. As it's described, it's compatible with many scenarios, but it's a hell of a Rorschach test. I'd have a very hard time telling Grandma that with $500K, in her late 90s, that her decision to give $100 means she has to give up an equivalent small luxury, and while the request may be odd, I can envision plenty of scenarios where it's not a sign of incipient mooching.
This is exactly right. Well-said!

In particular, it isn’t clear how demented Gramdma is, but of course there is a continuum and of course OP should respect her mother’s autonomy as much as is possible given the circumstances.

Andy.
Last edited by PhilosophyAndrew on Tue May 01, 2018 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dottie57
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Dottie57 » Tue May 01, 2018 12:43 pm

MathWizard wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 12:36 pm
Dottie57 wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 12:30 pm
mouses wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 10:39 pm
Good Listener wrote:
Mon Apr 30, 2018 7:57 pm
If my mother did not give a granddaughter $100 I would be very angry. Whether it was my daughter or a siblings daughter. At 90 yeats9old she can't afford the $100? Are you somehow emotionally involved in this? $100 isn't worth a minute' s thought.
Really? Why aren't you forking out the $100? If I had an adult kid asking a 90 year old grandparent for money, I would be ashamed of the kid.
+1
The OP is the aunt, not the parent.
Where the parent's are in all this has not been answered.
I am betting OP lives in same area as Grandma and her sister lives closer to her daughter (the granddaughter). It also seems like caretaking is left to OP.

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Pajamas
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Pajamas » Tue May 01, 2018 12:44 pm

Maybe the aunt could pay the granddaughter $25 to wash and blow dry grandmother's hair and turn this into a win-win-win situation.

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Doom&Gloom
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by Doom&Gloom » Tue May 01, 2018 12:47 pm

PhilosophyAndrew wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 12:40 pm
getthatmarshmallow wrote:
Tue May 01, 2018 12:28 pm
It's hard to know what to say here without more knowledge of the situation. As it's described, it's compatible with many scenarios, but it's a hell of a Rorschach test. I'd have a very hard time telling Grandma that with $500K, in her late 90s, that her decision to give $100 means she has to give up an equivalent small luxury, and while the request may be odd, I can envision plenty of scenarios where it's not a sign of incipient mooching.
This is exactly right. Well-said!

In particular, it isn’t clear how demented Gramdma is, but of course their is a continuum and of course OP should respect her mother’s autonomy as much as is possible given the circumstances.

Andy.
+1

golfCaddy
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by golfCaddy » Tue May 01, 2018 1:54 pm

Unless the OP returns and provides additional context, this thread has run its course. Too many people are assuming facts not included in the OP's post or bringing in their own family baggage, ex. drug using nephew.

JustGotScammed
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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by JustGotScammed » Tue May 01, 2018 4:33 pm

Granny is gonna be dead by the time this thread comes to an end.

Just give the $100, and if it escalates, so what? Even regular requests of a few hundred dollars are unlikely to be more than a few grand.

Is there any inheritance earmarked for the granddaughter or the granddaughter's mother? If yes, maybe an agreement could be reached to deduct the amount from the potential inheritance.

The granddaughter has already beat the OP by requiring more emotional energy to be expended over this than the $100 requested.

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Re: How would you handle a request for money from a niece?

Post by LadyGeek » Tue May 01, 2018 8:06 pm

This thread has run its course and is locked (relationship issue, getting contentious). See: Acceptable Topics and Subforum Guidelines
This is an investing and personal finance forum. We also maintain a subforum that allow our members to discuss consumer goods and services and recreational activities. Anything else is considered "Off Topic" and is not acceptable on this forum.
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