Getting your spouse on the same page

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
dbr
Posts: 26632
Joined: Sun Mar 04, 2007 9:50 am

Re: Getting your spouse on the same page

Post by dbr » Mon Jan 15, 2018 3:12 pm

I have a pretty good notion that there isn't going to be a getting on the same page if people are not already there. A negotiation of differences might be possible, but actual agreement probably not.

Not Law
Posts: 175
Joined: Sun Sep 14, 2014 8:05 am

Re: Getting your spouse on the same page

Post by Not Law » Tue Jan 16, 2018 4:13 pm

wrongfunds wrote:
Fri Jan 12, 2018 10:04 am
Not Law wrote:double comma level
Is that 1 million or 10 million? I am hoping you actually meant latter even though that is not the correct definition of "double comma". If you are spending like no tomorrow with the former number, you are in rude surprise.
I mean 1 million in 2014, spent some and now back at 1 million again. I live in a LCOL area. We have less than 8 years before I take SS at 70 (she will start at FRA). Those SS funds will provide for basic necessities. The investment funds will be used for living expenses and Roth conversions until I am 70, and then for extras for improved lifestyle. The ACA has limited what can be converted since 2014, as the subsidies are very valuable at my age. From 2004 to 2014, I Roth converted to the top of the 15% bracket, which will start again when the ACA is no longer a factor. My goal at this point is to have enough of the tIRA converted so the RMDs are not creating a "hump" tax on the SS.

clutchied
Posts: 510
Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2015 12:11 pm

Re: Getting your spouse on the same page

Post by clutchied » Wed Jan 17, 2018 8:39 am

meowcat wrote:
Mon Jan 15, 2018 2:39 pm
We are definitely not on the same page about everything. I handle the long term investments/401(k)/IRA, while she handles the day to day cash flow into and out of our checking account. She is responsible for all the bills. She is not good with money, never has been. Whenever I want to talk to her about money she thinks I'm trying to start an argument. She is not frugal and if it weren't for me we would be in serious trouble, financially. She doesn't understand "pay yourself first" of "living beneath your means". I struggle daily trying to get her to pay ourselves first and build up our EF. She wants no part of it. We don't have any debts, and for now, our retirement savings are on track, but she's not happy about it. She is a nickel and dime monster and she doesn't understand that small leaks can sink a very large ship.
this is my nightmare. I can make a non-frugal spouse work but this would not work for me.

Not that this is really on point but my wife is susceptible to the newest marketing tropes and she will absorb their advertising and parrot it back at me.

A couple of examples; She bought a $40 bottle of lotion from one those facebook MLM friend companies. I can guarantee you she would never walk into a store and buy a $40 bottle of lotion, but this one was special and she told me why and then there is the peer pressure. stunning. I think she finally realized what had happened when I continued to use the word forty dollars!!!!

Another example; boutique popups are evidently all the rage right now and they stimulate demand through scarcity. She basically bought $3000 worth of clothing in a 3 day period from this place. Again with some rationale from the company and also the scarcity argument. She would NEVER go into Nordstroms and pile up that much clothing but somehow this popup has allowed a rationalization to do so.


It's quite stunning to see it occurring in real time. It would make a good case study...

Katietsu
Posts: 1387
Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2013 1:48 am

Re: Getting your spouse on the same page

Post by Katietsu » Thu Jan 18, 2018 10:14 pm

Beachdrinks wrote:
Thu Jan 11, 2018 5:27 pm
I used to be a reckless spender
So spending recklessly was who she married and now you are reformed. Now you want her to follow you into the light. I mean I think it it great that you have decided to get on a more financially sound footing. But be it weight loss or smoking cessation, those who have improved themselves can often be pretty annoying to those who haven’t. Make sure you are not coming across as that way. Flip the switch, how would you have responded to someone trying to put you on a budget 5 years ago before you were ready.

I also wonder how committed she is to your end goal and the plan to get there. Sure, my husband agrees that the garage should have space for a car, especially before an ice storm. But his commitment is at the level of it would be nice to clean out the garage - now if only those elves would show up to do it. He does not feel it at the willing to give up my weekend level. I suspect your wife may still be hoping for elves.

Take the advice from previous posts to try to effect change but know that it might come
slowly.

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