What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

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lostinjersey
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What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by lostinjersey » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:14 am

There is so much wisdom on this site, I’m hoping to tap into it yet again.

My DH and I have been married for 10 years and have one DD, age 8. Although we have plenty of advantages (both college educated, good jobs, etc) we still are what I would call bumbling through life and rudderless. Part of this is due to some disadvantages like mental illness and cancer and sick parents we have to take care of; part is due to a lack of rigor in our daily lives and our (questionable) decision making process. For example, we have moved from east coast to west coast to Midwest in the last four years, searching for the right place to raise our daughter while still making decent money and living in a place we enjoy. This is a tricky thing because I prefer semi-boring suburbia, while he craves energy and excitement, and it obviously has to be safe and family-friendly. Another move is imminent, likely back to CA, and this time we have vowed to ‘get it right.’ But how?

So for those who have figured it out, who have lives that are more like clockwork than constant chaos, what are your secrets? How do you structure your lives so that you are being intentional with your time and not just blown by the winds of fate? I have ideas like: do an annual financial planning meeting (we have never done this). Always be planning a vacation. Make cooking a family experience, not just takeout or something microwaved. Spend time developing hobbies. Get involved in the community. Make friends and do stuff with them. Create traditions around holidays and seasons. Etc. What has worked for you?

livesoft
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by livesoft » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:17 am

Embace constant chaos.

Or in other words:

Don't worry. Be happy.

Who wants clockwork anyways?

Just go with the flow.

I don't know and I don't care.
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livesoft
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by livesoft » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:18 am

I suspect you are seeking something that just doesn't exist.
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runner540
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by runner540 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:32 am

Lostinjersey, all the pratices you mentioned are typically mentioned in "how to be happier" type articles. They're not bad things to do. But doing them as a formula for "happiness" won't work without also having a bigger purpose in life.

I suggest reading "man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankel. It's a quick but powerful book.

Contentment, gratitude, being active in my faith community, and getting plenty of sleep and exercise when I can are all keys to living well, based on my experience, traditions of many cultures, science and other evidence.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by livesoft » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:34 am

runner540 wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:32 am
I suggest reading "man's search for meaning" by Viktor Frankel. It's a quick but powerful book.
Youtube has videos on that, too, which saves some time.
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KlangFool
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by KlangFool » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:37 am

OP,

Enjoy a good cup of coffee or tea in the morning. Then, it won't matter whatever happened next for the rest of the day. You could substitute the coffee or tea with a nice morning walk or whatever. It is just something simple that you enjoy. Or, it could be different from day to day. Just give a bit of joy to yourself every day.

KlangFool

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TheTimeLord
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by TheTimeLord » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:42 am

Routine helps many people because it takes some of the uncertainty and decisions out of life, always eat dinner at 6:30, invest $X a month, have a date with your spouse the third Friday of each month. Problem is when people become so rigid in their routine they can't comfortable go outside of it. But here are my 3 best pearls of wisdom.

1) Being right is extremely overrated, most of the time close will do just fine. Avoid arguing for no other reason than to prove you are right (even when you are), and unless you work for NASA maybe grinding for that last 5% to get to perfect is likely meaningless anyway. Do you really want to be that person who always has to be right?

2) Lower your expectations for the people in your life, cut them some slack, give them room so their actions can be a positive surprise instead of a constant disappointment. Or put another way "Expectations Kill" so be careful where you set the bar.

3) Understand control is an illusion that the majority of us fight tooth and nail to maintain even though we keep coming up with new scenarios that prove just how little control we really have. The words below are as insightful as it get when it comes to control. From my viewpoint it is a lot easier to accept things we you stop believing their was something you could have or should have done that would have made everything turn out perfectly.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
IMHO, Investing should be about living the life you want, not avoiding the life you fear. | Run, You Clever Boy! [9085]

H-Town
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by H-Town » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:43 am

lostinjersey wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:14 am
There is so much wisdom on this site, I’m hoping to tap into it yet again.

My DH and I have been married for 10 years and have one DD, age 8. Although we have plenty of advantages (both college educated, good jobs, etc) we still are what I would call bumbling through life and rudderless. Part of this is due to some disadvantages like mental illness and cancer and sick parents we have to take care of; part is due to a lack of rigor in our daily lives and our (questionable) decision making process. For example, we have moved from east coast to west coast to Midwest in the last four years, searching for the right place to raise our daughter while still making decent money and living in a place we enjoy. This is a tricky thing because I prefer semi-boring suburbia, while he craves energy and excitement, and it obviously has to be safe and family-friendly. Another move is imminent, likely back to CA, and this time we have vowed to ‘get it right.’ But how?

So for those who have figured it out, who have lives that are more like clockwork than constant chaos, what are your secrets? How do you structure your lives so that you are being intentional with your time and not just blown by the winds of fate? I have ideas like: do an annual financial planning meeting (we have never done this). Always be planning a vacation. Make cooking a family experience, not just takeout or something microwaved. Spend time developing hobbies. Get involved in the community. Make friends and do stuff with them. Create traditions around holidays and seasons. Etc. What has worked for you?
I suggest you and your DH take time and find your principles, values, and which ones do you both share and vice versa. Then you can start your building blocks on the shared values and principles. Every decision that is made based on those shared values and principles will likely be the right one.

Then, you both understand each other personalities and find a bridge to connect where your and your DH's personalities are different. It's hard to change one's personalities, if not impossible. But find a way to have or connect to those personal traits:
1) have positive outlook mentality on all things
2) patient
3) resilient and persistent

Then, expand your knowledge. The more you know, the better decision you will make.

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goingup
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by goingup » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:54 am

lostinjersey wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:14 am
Another move is imminent, likely back to CA, and this time we have vowed to ‘get it right.’ But how?
Married 10 years, a dear daughter, and decent jobs. I suspect you've been getting it right all along!

I'm an incrementalist. Small steps in a positive direction. Write out goals and intentions. Move the ball down the field and enjoy your successes. :beer

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by ThePrince » Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:57 am

TheTimeLord wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:42 am
Routine helps many people because it takes some of the uncertainty and decisions out of life, always eat dinner at 6:30, invest $X a month, have a date with your spouse the third Friday of each month. Problem is when people become so rigid in their routine they can't comfortable go outside of it. But here are my 3 best pearls of wisdom.

1) Being right is extremely overrated, most of the time close will do just fine. Avoid arguing for no other reason than to prove you are right (even when you are), and unless you work for NASA maybe grinding for that last 5% to get to perfect is likely meaningless anyway. Do you really want to be that person who always has to be right?

2) Lower your expectations for the people in your life, cut them some slack, give them room so their actions can be a positive surprise instead of a constant disappointment. Or put another way "Expectations Kill" so be careful where you set the bar.

3) Understand control is an illusion that the majority of us fight tooth and nail to maintain even though we keep coming up with new scenarios that prove just how little control we really have. The words below are as insightful as it get when it comes to control. From my viewpoint it is a lot easier to accept things we you stop believing their was something you could have or should have done that would have made everything turn out perfectly.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Nicely written.

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TheTimeLord
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by TheTimeLord » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:02 am

I am going to throw this in, if for no other reason than to lighten things up. Some say this is one of the great motivational speeches of all-time. Comedy always requires a grain of truth to be funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9mf3Bypyk8
IMHO, Investing should be about living the life you want, not avoiding the life you fear. | Run, You Clever Boy! [9085]

dowse
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by dowse » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:04 am

Try to stay healthy above all else. Good health makes everything else possible.

chevca
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by chevca » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:06 am

Everything happens for a reason. That's what I try to go by and keep in mind.

OP, you seem to think every other Boglehead has always had it together and figured out from the start? Not so... not all of us at least. For me, multiple marriages/divorces, kids, step-kids, lived in different states, moved 5 times within the last 7 years all in one of the states, lost both my parents, and so on. Life isn't perfect. Keep your chin up, stay positive as tough as it can be to do so, and do unto others... Things have a way of working out.

Old Guy
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Old Guy » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:07 am

Watch out for cynicism, it's a cancer.

Forgive and forget.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Sandtrap » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:11 am

What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise? What has worked for you?
Some of the following may not be "trendy" or as uncompromising today and viewed as "Old School".

My 10 personal precepts:

1 Live each day with uncompromising morality.
2 Attend to the broad picture or detail, especially relationships and interpersonal, with attention, concern, and sincerity.
3 Accept nothing but the best from self, and others within their ability and encourage them to do the same.
4 Walk the talk - with humility, "I didn't know that." "Teach me." "I made a mistake." = Self Discipline.
5 Raise and mentor a future man-husband/woman-wife instead of a baby.
6 Drama is best avoided through anticipation and the above list. . not shared or dumped on others.
7 Be a friend to have a friend.
8 Waste nothing; whether time, efforts, money, trust, hopes, or human potential.
9 Share, learn, then pay-it-forward.
10 We're here to have fun, prosper, and grow, within the awareness and vigilance we bring to life.

Everything will fall into place while adhering to the above.
j :D
Last edited by Sandtrap on Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:14 am, edited 2 times in total.

TheHouse7
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by TheHouse7 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:11 am

TheTimeLord wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:42 am
Routine helps many people because it takes some of the uncertainty and decisions out of life, always eat dinner at 6:30, invest $X a month, have a date with your spouse the third Friday of each month. Problem is when people become so rigid in their routine they can't comfortable go outside of it. But here are my 3 best pearls of wisdom.

1) Being right is extremely overrated, most of the time close will do just fine. Avoid arguing for no other reason than to prove you are right (even when you are), and unless you work for NASA maybe grinding for that last 5% to get to perfect is likely meaningless anyway. Do you really want to be that person who always has to be right?

2) Lower your expectations for the people in your life, cut them some slack, give them room so their actions can be a positive surprise instead of a constant disappointment. Or put another way "Expectations Kill" so be careful where you set the bar.

3) Understand control is an illusion that the majority of us fight tooth and nail to maintain even though we keep coming up with new scenarios that prove just how little control we really have. The words below are as insightful as it get when it comes to control. From my viewpoint it is a lot easier to accept things we you stop believing their was something you could have or should have done that would have made everything turn out perfectly.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Amen
"PSX will always go up 20%, why invest in anything else?!" -Father-in-law early retired.

DrGoogle2017
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by DrGoogle2017 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:18 am

I’ve always make sure my fridge is full. My kids never have to go hungry or start eating junk stuff or looking for trouble. It starts with a full stomach to make right decision everyday.
Holidays are also full of food. The smell from home cooking will be in their memories for years to come. My big rule of life is to bribe my kid with food. Kids are generally happy when they are well fed. Lots of fruits in my household. It helps them eat right too.

The second rule is to not worry about the little things, just watch the big items. If I have to lose a few bucks but my family is happy and not stressed out, then it saves in the long run.

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Veiled
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Veiled » Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:59 am

Sandtrap wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:11 am
1 Live each day with uncompromising morality.
2 Attend to the broad picture or detail, especially relationships and interpersonal, with attention, concern, and sincerity.
3 Accept nothing but the best from self, and others within their ability and encourage them to do the same.
4 Walk the talk - with humility, "I didn't know that." "Teach me." "I made a mistake." = Self Discipline.
5 Raise and mentor a future man-husband/woman-wife instead of a baby.
6 Drama is best avoided through anticipation and the above list. . not shared or dumped on others.
7 Be a friend to have a friend.
8 Waste nothing; whether time, efforts, money, trust, hopes, or human potential.
9 Share, learn, then pay-it-forward.
10 We're here to have fun, prosper, and grow, within the awareness and vigilance we bring to life.
I love these, especially the advice to be humble, refuse to engage in drama, and to pay it forward. OP, I'd second everyone who has said that chaos is just part of life. On a forum or on facebook or at church, everyone looks like they have it together. In reality we're all trying to fight the entropy within and without, every second of every day.
Pardon me as I read these one hundred and fifty-seven SP vs LLC vs Scorp threads...

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Shallowpockets » Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:16 pm

Does you husband share in this concern? Perhaps you should let him read your post.
I suspect that part of your achieving what you want may be related to not moving residences as much. That can be tough to have any kind of routine if you are always coming or going or planning on that. Plus, there is financial cost to moving.
I think if you are grounded in a place and secure that that place will last a while you might be able to get some rules of life going. If your husband starts getting restless after the settle in period, it seems a continuous thing that hangs over your life.
Perhaps you could alleviate that itch by just taking vacations and traveling.
One of the foremost rules of life is, give a woman a home. At least as far as couples go.

staythecourse
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by staythecourse » Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:22 pm

To be honest, I am not a fan of affirmations or stuff that comes out of fortune cookie as it is not direct on what to do and is hard to be actionable after reading it.

I have found out the lowest hanging fruit in success in life is PLANNING. That simple. I figure there are about 80% of people (if even that) who plan 1 step ahead. There likely <20% who plan 2 steps ahead and <1% who plan 3 steps ahead or more. The great thing about planning is it takes no skill just being in a stable part of you life (job and done with kids) and being honest with what you really want.

First, sit back with your spouse and find out where you really want to live (climate, job satisfaction, and near other family if important). Then find a compromise of metro area vs. suburbs. That, to me, looks to be the biggest issue as lifestyle as suburbs is different then metro. Then, of course, you have to take commuting into account. After that some sacrifices will have to be made as you pick the option that has the most wants with the least negatives that you can live with.

Then plan for what your approach will be to take care of the parents in the current, going forward, and after they pass (more info. would be needed to help with that).

A lot of feeling less aimless is to have a long term plan and feel like you are executing it. I had a plan when we got married in 2010 and so far everything has gone as I originally planned done to the very last dollar in our portfolio. Of course, I am an advocate of Murphy's law so I am ALWAYS waiting for life to throw a curve ball. Some I have already planned for, i.e. parents getting sick or needing care and will have to adapt as others will have to see when (not if) if pops up.

So if you are into affirmations and fortune cookie advice here is mine: PLAN, PLAN, and PLAN. Then when life throws a curve ball which is guaranteed be ready to adapt as that is life.

Good luck.
"The stock market [fluctuation], therefore, is noise. A giant distraction from the business of investing.” | -Jack Bogle

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by 22twain » Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:36 pm

The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence, so consider carefully the potential pluses and minuses of jumping over it.

Some colleagues/friends of ours in academia left their positions here (even tenured ones) in the hope of improving their situation elsewhere, but found overall improvement to be illusory. Sometimes their problems here carried over to the new location, sometimes they were exchanged for other problems.
My investing princiPLEs do not include absolutely preserving princiPAL.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by WildBill » Sun Dec 10, 2017 1:14 pm

Howdy

Decomplicate. Identify time sinks and unproductive activities and eliminate them.

Prioritize. Your health, your family, your serenity. Everything else is second.

Be open to new experiences and opportunities. Go forward with a happy heart.

W B
"Through chances various, through all vicissitudes, we make our way." Virgil, The Aeneid

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Fallible » Sun Dec 10, 2017 1:19 pm

lostinjersey wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:14 am
For example, we have moved from east coast to west coast to Midwest in the last four years, searching for the right place to raise our daughter while still making decent money and living in a place we enjoy. This is a tricky thing because I prefer semi-boring suburbia, while he craves energy and excitement, and it obviously has to be safe and family-friendly. Another move is imminent, likely back to CA, and this time we have vowed to ‘get it right.’ But how? ...
I can't help but wonder how your daughter is responding to these moves, which could require major emotional adjustments for one so young.
Bogleheads® wiki | Investing Advice Inspired by Jack Bogle

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segfault
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by segfault » Sun Dec 10, 2017 1:21 pm

TheTimeLord wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:42 am
The words below are as insightful as it get when it comes to control. From my viewpoint it is a lot easier to accept things we you stop believing their was something you could have or should have done that would have made everything turn out perfectly.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
This was a great post, *except* for the part I quoted. I absolutely can’t stand the trite “wisdom” quote at the end. Not sure whether it grates on anyone else’s nerves.

runner540
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by runner540 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 1:43 pm

lostinjersey wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 10:14 am
For example, we have moved from east coast to west coast to Midwest in the last four years, searching for the right place to raise our daughter while still making decent money and living in a place we enjoy. This is a tricky thing because I prefer semi-boring suburbia, while he craves energy and excitement, and it obviously has to be safe and family-friendly. Another move is imminent, likely back to CA, and this time we have vowed to ‘get it right.’ But how?

So for those who have figured it out, who have lives that are more like clockwork than constant chaos, what are your secrets? How do you structure your lives so that you are being intentional with your time and not just blown by the winds of fate?
There is a lot to be said for the idea of "blooming where you are planted". It's hard to do that if you move that frequently. I've made 3 major moves in the last 7 years, both single and married. While I certainly don't have it all figured out, plugging into the community and getting involved amd giving to others had been key to making the most of this gift of life. I've plugged in via churches, sports groups and making concerted efforts to make friends. It does take time and work. Might be easier for you to meet parents via your daughter.

We are imperfect people living in an imperfect world. I don't expect that there is one perfect place to live. Best wishes for you and your family as you discern what's next.

livesoft
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by livesoft » Sun Dec 10, 2017 1:58 pm

I will say as someone who moved lots during childhood myself while my kids did not move at all, that it really doesn't make a meaningful difference. Sure, we have had different experiences growing up, but the plusses and minuses balance out even though they are different +'s and -'s.
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by jebmke » Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:35 pm

A wise person gave me two words of advice when I was starting out.

First, manage your expectations. Sometimes you need to have high expectations and other times you need to moderate them to avoid disappointment.

Second, wear comfortable shoes. You will spend many hours of your life on your feet.
When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

quantAndHold
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by quantAndHold » Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:39 pm

There’s a saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.” You can change geography multiple times, but what’s in your head and heart will continue to follow you around. There is no perfect place or way of life. The best you can do is choose a place where the good things are things that are important to you, and the bad stuff is stuff that is less important.

Wherever you are, it’s important to have a community of people to support you, keep you on the right track in life, and pick you up when you fall down. That might be family, a community of faith, a set of neighbors that look out for each other, or something else. I’ve seen people move to the perfect location, then go completely off course because they don’t have the support they need.

Then reread what Sandtrap wrote. Humility and gratitude go a long way.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Jack FFR1846 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:56 pm

There are three things you need to know in order to get through life:

1) "That's a great idea, Boss"

2) "It was like that when I got here"

3) "Cover for me"


Not my ideas, those from Homer.


Or maybe more esoteric from Rick Harrison: "You never know what's going to walk in the door".
Bogle: Smart Beta is stupid

basspond
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by basspond » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:26 pm

Remember Fs in this order

Faith
Family
Friends
Finances
Fun

It's been amazing in our life how everything else falls in line.

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Pajamas
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Pajamas » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:34 pm

I suspect that you may be figuring out that moving somewhere else doesn't really help much with what you are asking about and is a great source of stress in itself and with all the changes it creates. Maybe it would help to literally slow down and just be aware of what is, both within you and around you. Your happiness, satisfaction, etc. come from within and aren't forced on you by your location and day-to-day reality.

A lot has been written about this throughout the past few thousand years, from different viewpoints. Two works that might be of use to you are Thoreau's short essay "Walking" and Elie Wiesel's short book "Night".

https://www.walden.org/wp-content/uploa ... king-1.pdf

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Night_(book)

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by 2015 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:48 pm

staythecourse wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 12:22 pm
To be honest, I am not a fan of affirmations or stuff that comes out of fortune cookie as it is not direct on what to do and is hard to be actionable after reading it.

I have found out the lowest hanging fruit in success in life is PLANNING. That simple. I figure there are about 80% of people (if even that) who plan 1 step ahead. There likely <20% who plan 2 steps ahead and <1% who plan 3 steps ahead or more. The great thing about planning is it takes no skill just being in a stable part of you life (job and done with kids) and being honest with what you really want.

First, sit back with your spouse and find out where you really want to live (climate, job satisfaction, and near other family if important). Then find a compromise of metro area vs. suburbs. That, to me, looks to be the biggest issue as lifestyle as suburbs is different then metro. Then, of course, you have to take commuting into account. After that some sacrifices will have to be made as you pick the option that has the most wants with the least negatives that you can live with.

Then plan for what your approach will be to take care of the parents in the current, going forward, and after they pass (more info. would be needed to help with that).

A lot of feeling less aimless is to have a long term plan and feel like you are executing it. I had a plan when we got married in 2010 and so far everything has gone as I originally planned done to the very last dollar in our portfolio. Of course, I am an advocate of Murphy's law so I am ALWAYS waiting for life to throw a curve ball. Some I have already planned for, i.e. parents getting sick or needing care and will have to adapt as others will have to see when (not if) if pops up.

So if you are into affirmations and fortune cookie advice here is mine: PLAN, PLAN, and PLAN. Then when life throws a curve ball which is guaranteed be ready to adapt as that is life.

Good luck.
Took the words out of my mouth. All of the above is outstanding advice. Not a single affirmation can be attributed to my success. All studies have demonstrated that high performing men and women plan their work (and lives) and work their plan.

The other thing to understand is that unless you are part of the .01% who are exceptionally gifted, life for the most part will be hard. Why? Because in all fields individuals who are successful work harder and longer than others. They persist past their failures to learn what they need to learn in order to expand into their next success. The single most important quality you can instill in your self is persistence. Couple that with self-discipline, self-control and self-mastery, and you cannot help but be successful, regardless of the endeavor. In fact, high performing individuals get themselves to do what they have to do when they have to do it whether they feel like it or not. And what is it that high performing individuals do? The very same things that low performers do. The only difference is that high performers make themselves do it.

Finally, nothing will change your life faster, more permanently and more positively than reading non-fiction business books in a variety of fields. I intend to die with a stack of books on the nightstand.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by h82goslw » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:54 pm

I agree with staythecourse....planning makes life SO MUCH EASIER.

Having gratitude is also critically important. Realizing all the great things you’re blessed with is an important perspective to have...for even the simplest of things. Like this website; free speech and the exchange of great ideas; living in the US in a democracy. Pretty basic stuff but things many take for granted.

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Taylor Larimore
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"Desidoreta"

Post by Taylor Larimore » Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:58 pm

lostinjersey:

This is my favorite poem. It has helped me through life. It can do the same for you and your family.

Desidoreta

Best wishes.
Taylor
Last edited by Taylor Larimore on Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Simplicity is the master key to financial success." -- Jack Bogle

Beck49
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Beck49 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:00 pm

Don't create problems for yourself
Don't create problems for others

GoldenFinch
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Re: "Desidoreta"

Post by GoldenFinch » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:03 pm

Taylor Larimore wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:58 pm
lostinjersey:

This is my favorite poem. It has helped me through life. It can do the same for you and your family.

Desidoreta

Best wishes.
Taylor
What a beautiful poem.

epictetus
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by epictetus » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:07 pm

two things that have helped me a lot are studying/applying Stoicism and Buddhism.

if you go here you can sign up for a 7 day free introduction to Stoicism. I am not affiliated with this site but found the info useful:

https://dailystoic.com/new-start-here/

the book "the art of living: epictetus" a new interpretation by Sharon Lebell I found very helpful and have read/re-read many times.

re: Buddhism-

Jon Kabat-Zinn's "wherever you go there you are" is a nice place to start. And almost anything by the Dalai Lama.
there are two books by Charlotte Joko-Beck I have found very helpful (Everyday Zen and Nothing Special).

I think there are many helpful aspects to Buddhism that don't rely on you adopting Buddhism as a religion and can be developed no matter what your religion or isn't.

Both stoicism and Buddhism encourage focusing on what you can control, turning loose of what you can't, self-discipline, flexibility, integrity, seeing things for what they are, not being caught up in distortions/distorted thinking, etc..

i hope some of this is helpful to you
Focus on what you can control

tbradnc
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by tbradnc » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:13 pm

Married 32 years to the same spouse, raised 3 kids.

"Don't believe everything I think." and "I don't have to say everything I think."

Works very well for me.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Jack FFR1846 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:18 pm

Something I heard once in our Town Meeting as something to be aware of when debating an issue:

Everything has been said but not everyone has said it.
Bogle: Smart Beta is stupid

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by MP173 » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:29 pm

OP:

One of my rules for life is very similar to what others have stated, but with a twist.

"Always have a plan, but write it in pencil."

Perhaps you should modify that to write your five year plan in pen in order to find what you think is well needed stability.

Good luck. I have enjoyed reading these. Lots of wisdom.

Ed

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Kenkat » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:41 pm

50% of the game is just showing up. You have to be present if you want to have a chance at anything.

If you have a roof over your head, a warm place to sleep, enough food to eat and are safe from violence, you are already better off than many others in this world. Be thankful, most of us have so very much.

Let the past bury its dead.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by technovelist » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:43 pm

1. Follow the Golden Rule
2. Know yourself
3. Profit!
:sharebeer
In theory, theory and practice are identical. In practice, they often differ.

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Toons
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Toons » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:53 pm

1.Keep It Simple :happy
2.Occam's Razor :happy
"One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity" –Bruce Lee

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by technovelist » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:55 pm

Toons wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:53 pm
1.Keep It Simple :happy
2.Occam's Razor :happy
Also, avoid redundancy? :sharebeer
In theory, theory and practice are identical. In practice, they often differ.

Minty
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Re: "Desidoreta"

Post by Minty » Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:59 pm

GoldenFinch wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:03 pm
Taylor Larimore wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 3:58 pm
lostinjersey:

This is my favorite poem. It has helped me through life. It can do the same for you and your family.

Desidoreta

Best wishes.
Taylor
What a beautiful poem.
It is indeed a beautiful poem. There is a very funny [IMHO] parody of it, Deteriorata, which I post to illustrate the life lesson of "don't lose your sense of humor." Another rule of life which I find true (but not always easy to follow) is Longfellow's line "Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad" (I read mad as angry).

Minty
Core Four with nominal bonds and TIPS.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Toons » Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:13 pm

technovelist wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:55 pm
Toons wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 4:53 pm
1.Keep It Simple :happy
2.Occam's Razor :happy
Also, avoid redundancy? :sharebeer

:thumbsup
"One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity" –Bruce Lee

Atilla
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Atilla » Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:24 pm

Love God, Love People. Everything else flows from that.

Love is a verb, a choice and not a feeling. :sharebeer
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BogleWogle
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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by BogleWogle » Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:29 pm

Many great contributions thus far, Sandtrap’s list is excellent.

I also couldn’t agree more about the importance of planning as well as being both accepting and flexible when those plans change.

If you’re looking for a good read to help you along your journey, there’s many great recommendations in this thread: viewtopic.php?t=65332 I’ll second the recommendation for Mans Search for Meaning.

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by Tyrobi » Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:32 pm

1. Only keep what brings you joy
2. Never decide to keep something because it might come in handy
3. Have a place for everything, and always put things back in their places
Three-fund portfolio | "Simplicity is the master key to financial success." John C. Bogle

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Re: What are your big-picture ‘rules of life’ —financial or otherwise?

Post by nerdymarketer » Sun Dec 10, 2017 5:44 pm

Most of your questions sound like implementation details... What is your answer to life's big question:
Why am I here? / What is my purpose in life?
Once you decide what you believe is the answer, I suspect the rest of these questions will start to fall into place.

I always counsel people who are working through this question to first answer whether or not they believe there is a God, and if there is, who is he? Because any answer will constrain the possible valid answers to the "what is my purpose?" question.

Lastly, in my experience, all possible answers to these questions still require a choice of faith at some point... I've never met anyone who could conclusively prove that their answers to these questions were correct, so at some point you have to say "I think this is most logical answer based on what I observe about the world, therefore I am going to bet my life's time/money that my purpose in life is X." And from there it's a bit more straightforward to answer the implementation questions.

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