Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

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OnFire
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Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by OnFire » Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:05 am

Just like it says...My MIL was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma back in May. For those of you who don't know, this is basically a death sentence. She is 79 and was in decent health. We thought because they caught it before any major symptoms, she might get 18 months. She lived alone until this diagnosis. MIL wanted to go full-bore, and did not want to know prognosis. She underwent radiation and chemo. She had to transfer to an Assisted Living facility at the time of diagnosis. MIL was relatively frugal with her investments, (despite an addiction to QVC - don't even get me started), and had around $200K before all this started. She has a widowers pension and SS and good health care. She has a 4 Bedroom, 2 bathroom house that's fully paid for. It's worth probably $230K. She has one half-sister who will get half the house. Her sister will not get the $200K that's in Vanguard, Edward Jones, etc. My wife is the only other person on all those accounts.

Overall, they have a good relationship. She was much closer to her Dad, who passed away 10 years ago.

MIL has taken a turn for the worse over the past 3 weeks. Very little interaction. Unable to walk or use the bathroom. The visiting nurse recommended Hospice. She has been under Hospice care for around 4-5 days.She had a seizure yesterday and got Valium to treat it. This morning, my wife and her half-sister went to the funeral home to make arrangements. She came home this afternoon, cracked open a beer, and said, "If I have to go through all this crap with my Mom, I'm getting a sweet ass Porsche." and showed me a picture of a 2013 Panamera with a price tag of $53K.

I am a firefighter and a paramedic. She is a dentist. I make around $115k, She makes around the same working about 30 hours a week while our kids were small. Youngest is now in school (made it to Kindergarten) and she is planning on ramping up her hours to 40-45 a week.

We live in a modest 3Bed, 2bath raised ranch in the Midwest. We bought our house for around $210k five years ago. It
is probably worth $280k after some renovations. We have a rental house with stable renters. The rent covers the mortgage and we use any extra to pay off the 15 year mortgage a bit faster. It's probably worth $170k. We owe $130k on the primary residence and $105k on the rental. She also recently just purchased a new practice a few blocks from our home, and she wanted to tap the equity in the rental house to pay for the down payment on the practice. We have to come up with around $25k, of which we still owe another $10k. Were used some savings for the ernest money and initial down payment.

We max our Roths and partially fund our 401(k)s. I am 43, she is 38. She says she wants to work until 65. I plan on being done earlier, at 55-56, but with a pension of around $63k, and maybe $5K a year from the 15 years I worked in the private sector. I plan on having a small second career for 5-10 years, making maybe $10-15k a year.

Our two boys (ages 6 and 7), will almost certainly be going to private high school. The Big City alternative is violent and crappy. The tab will probably be ($11k x 8 years, so $90k) and I'm roughly estimating college at $25k x 8 years, or $200k.They have 529s and Coverdells worth approx. $30k currently.

She still has student loans of around $100k, but through some magic, pays only 1.3% interest rates.

We have two cars we owe notes on. A 2012 Acadia, that we owe about $12k, and a 2014 Accord Hybrid that we owe around $20k on.

I just want to get out of debt. Every month, we dip into our line of credit. Despite my pleadings, and both of us only getting "allowances" we still constantly have a negative balance in our checking account. After a vacation, and some emergency repairs to the house, I owe $3,500 on my credit card.

I would be ESTATIC to pay off our primary residence, our cars, credit cards, put aside a chunk for future car purchases, pay off the rental house, and sock away the rest into the boys education funds. Maybe take a nice vacation to Europe and see my MILs grandparents hometown in Austria next year. With the additional cash flow, we could start to both max out our 401ks.

Her Mom might have a month. I basically nodded my head and played along. It was a very stressful day and I didn't want to poke the dragon, so to speak.

Any advice on how to be rational with her? How long should I let her go before trying to be realistic? I bought a fully depreciated Boxster three years ago (2000 Boxster S) for $9k. She can drive whenever she wants but is hesitant to drive a stick in city traffic. I've been coaxing her to practice, but she is afraid she will break it.
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mouses
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by mouses » Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:20 am

Have you sat down and gone over your overall finances with her? With those salaries, even with the expenses, you folks should be in good shape for retirement, and yet it looks like you're going over a cliff.

Her Mom's situation complicates this, of course, but I am having trouble following your wife's thought processes. That QVC stuff did not set a good example. Maybe she just does not understand the overall financial situation?

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FIREchief
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by FIREchief » Sat Sep 16, 2017 3:37 am

OnFire wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:05 am
This morning, my wife and her half-sister went to the funeral home to make arrangements. She came home this afternoon, cracked open a beer, and said, "If I have to go through all this crap with my Mom, I'm getting a sweet ass Porsche." and showed me a picture of a 2013 Panamera with a price tag of $53K.
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dekecarver
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by dekecarver » Sat Sep 16, 2017 4:46 am

Watching a parent die is an emotional roller coaster which can lead to some reactionary decisions.

It might be worthwhile to talk with your wife about getting your debt cleaned up first and then purchasing the "sweet ass Porsche". I went through something similar and spent a year researching Boxsters and 911s. I'm still driving my truck and occasionally still check out Boxsters and 911s, so far that has satisfied my itch.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by investing1012 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:10 am

OnFire wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:05 am
Just like it says...My MIL was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma back in May. For those of you who don't know, this is basically a death sentence. She is 79 and was in decent health. We thought because they caught it before any major symptoms, she might get 18 months. She lived alone until this diagnosis. MIL wanted to go full-bore, and did not want to know prognosis. She underwent radiation and chemo. She had to transfer to an Assisted Living facility at the time of diagnosis. MIL was relatively frugal with her investments, (despite an addiction to QVC - don't even get me started), and had around $200K before all this started. She has a widowers pension and SS and good health care. She has a 4 Bedroom, 2 bathroom house that's fully paid for. It's worth probably $230K. She has one half-sister who will get half the house. Her sister will not get the $200K that's in Vanguard, Edward Jones, etc. My wife is the only other person on all those accounts.

Overall, they have a good relationship. She was much closer to her Dad, who passed away 10 years ago.

MIL has taken a turn for the worse over the past 3 weeks. Very little interaction. Unable to walk or use the bathroom. The visiting nurse recommended Hospice. She has been under Hospice care for around 4-5 days.She had a seizure yesterday and got Valium to treat it. This morning, my wife and her half-sister went to the funeral home to make arrangements. She came home this afternoon, cracked open a beer, and said, "If I have to go through all this crap with my Mom, I'm getting a sweet ass Porsche." and showed me a picture of a 2013 Panamera with a price tag of $53K.

I am a firefighter and a paramedic. She is a dentist. I make around $115k, She makes around the same working about 30 hours a week while our kids were small. Youngest is now in school (made it to Kindergarten) and she is planning on ramping up her hours to 40-45 a week.

We live in a modest 3Bed, 2bath raised ranch in the Midwest. We bought our house for around $210k five years ago. It
is probably worth $280k after some renovations. We have a rental house with stable renters. The rent covers the mortgage and we use any extra to pay off the 15 year mortgage a bit faster. It's probably worth $170k. We owe $130k on the primary residence and $105k on the rental. She also recently just purchased a new practice a few blocks from our home, and she wanted to tap the equity in the rental house to pay for the down payment on the practice. We have to come up with around $25k, of which we still owe another $10k. Were used some savings for the ernest money and initial down payment.

We max our Roths and partially fund our 401(k)s. I am 43, she is 38. She says she wants to work until 65. I plan on being done earlier, at 55-56, but with a pension of around $63k, and maybe $5K a year from the 15 years I worked in the private sector. I plan on having a small second career for 5-10 years, making maybe $10-15k a year.

Our two boys (ages 6 and 7), will almost certainly be going to private high school. The Big City alternative is violent and crappy. The tab will probably be ($11k x 8 years, so $90k) and I'm roughly estimating college at $25k x 8 years, or $200k.They have 529s and Coverdells worth approx. $30k currently.

She still has student loans of around $100k, but through some magic, pays only 1.3% interest rates.

We have two cars we owe notes on. A 2012 Acadia, that we owe about $12k, and a 2014 Accord Hybrid that we owe around $20k on.

I just want to get out of debt. Every month, we dip into our line of credit. Despite my pleadings, and both of us only getting "allowances" we still constantly have a negative balance in our checking account. After a vacation, and some emergency repairs to the house, I owe $3,500 on my credit card.

I would be ESTATIC to pay off our primary residence, our cars, credit cards, put aside a chunk for future car purchases, pay off the rental house, and sock away the rest into the boys education funds. Maybe take a nice vacation to Europe and see my MILs grandparents hometown in Austria next year. With the additional cash flow, we could start to both max out our 401ks.

Her Mom might have a month. I basically nodded my head and played along. It was a very stressful day and I didn't want to poke the dragon, so to speak.

Any advice on how to be rational with her? How long should I let her go before trying to be realistic? I bought a fully depreciated Boxster three years ago (2000 Boxster S) for $9k. She can drive whenever she wants but is hesitant to drive a stick in city traffic. I've been coaxing her to practice, but she is afraid she will break it.
Your wife sounds immature. Think of it as talking to a child. Instead of thinking on how to make her own mother more comfortable she's thinking of which car she's going to buy when she gets the inheritance. If my children are like this when I'm on my deathbed I hope I leave them zero assets.

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StevieG72
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by StevieG72 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:28 am

Sounds like a sticky situation.

She wants a Porsche, you already bought one for yourself.

What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

My suggestion would be to wait until the dust settles and then take a look at the family finances together. If after a review she still wants the Porsche, you may have to take one for the team.

Maybe she will let you drive it occasionally! :D
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Pinotage » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:33 am

Very sorry to hear your family is going through this.

The process must be emotionally exhausting.

Probably not a good time to make any big, easily deferrable, financial decisions like buying an expensive car. I'd support her, love her, and encourage her to focus on her mom.

Maybe evaluate the car purchase a few months after everything is settled. Your wife may just be reaching for some quick-hit positives (beer & Porsche in one sentence) to balance out all the negatives she's feeling. After some time passes she may feel differently.

Good luck and best wishes during this tough time.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by digarei » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:51 am

Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche
Post by OnFire » Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:05 am
viewtopic.php?f=2&t=227763#p3534614

Hi OnFire,

I was a bit surprised to see the extensive level of detail in your post. However it reveals so much. Many of my comments are set in brackets following or adjacent to excerpts from your post.

Your present circumstance or the previous iteration may have been exacerbated with a past addiction to TV and shopping but the attitudes we have about money and ourselves develop early and are thereafter reinforced or diminished.

"If I have to go through all this crap with my Mom, I'm getting a sweet ass Porsche" [strong sense of entitlement]

We bought our house... five years ago (for 210k) [it's now] worth $280k after some renovations
[if the home remodeling accounts for most of the increase in prop. value, you must have spent a fortune!]

we owe $130k on the primary residence ... $105k on the rental... [wife] just purchased a new practice...
[all of your biggest assets are under water]

she wanted to tap the equity in the rental house to pay for the [practice] down payment

[sometimes this kind of leverage makes sense, to boost future income.
my guess is that it has now all become play-money. borrowing from Peter to pay Paul
can work in some circumstances to achieve specific goals if...
1) you keep very good books and are disciplined
2) nothing goes wrong with your cash flow]

we have to come up with ...
we still owe another ...
[kids] will almost *certainly* be going to private ... school
[wife] still has student loans
two cars [late model cars] we owe notes on...

I just want to get out of debt. [sure. but you have to start!]

Every month, we dip into our line of credit... [go further into debt. don't buy anything else on credit. first task is to create some kind of debt reduction plan. then use your powers of persuasion and exemplary personal finance skills to gain your wife's trust over time. you've both been swimming in the wrong direction for a long time, it's a bit scary to change]

Despite my pleadings ...

I would be ESTATIC to pay off our primary residence, our cars, credit cards, put aside a chunk for future car purchases, pay off the rental house, and sock away the rest into the boys education funds. Maybe take a nice vacation to Europe and see my MILs grandparents hometown in Austria next year. With the additional cash flow, we could start to both max out our

[you had me rooting for you until I read the words, "Maybe take a nice vacation to Europe..." see next point]

Any advice on how to be rational with her? How long should I let her go before trying to be realistic?

[I'd recommend that if it's not something you pursue often, make time for some introspection. re-read the words you wrote above. there's a lot you can do even without her full support. It may be hard for her to see that there is any problem to be solved. The funny thing is that she may be right in a way... it seems there are many high earners in a similar place. If you're both lucky and consistent...and stick to a plan, you can probably dig your way out in a few years and be just fine.

Look up! If you and your wife earned salaries closer to the median income, recovering from this folly could take a decade or much, much longer—and I doubt that while you were paying down that debt you could continue to live in the home you live in now, much less speak cavalierly about maxing your retirement accts, sending your kids to private school and European travel!]

~ ~ ~

If it makes any of my implied criticism somewhat more palatable, I was graduated college with a fairly good grasp of macro economics, business and accounting but I had no grounding in personal finance and was inept in managing my own money. Every day I entrusted my future well-being and financial security to my capacity to make a good a living (I didn't save), to my ability to turn things around quickly when I faced financial problems. I was certainly not helped in overcoming these faults by a strong sense of entitlement, an interest in acquiring fine objects, drinking the best wine...no reason to go on. I can tell you the thrill that I have felt in recent years when my portfolio has reached and surpassed investment milestones can not compare to the nearly transcendent high I experienced during the final year of paying off debt obligations. (The last twenty thousand was the sweetest!)

Best of luck to you!

digarei



I like your signature line: "Where are all the customers yachts?"

If I was to conjecture an answer to this question in the context of your present quandary,
I would first suggest emptying any storage lockers you have... the check the back yard and the rental.

You may have just forgotten where you put it. :-)
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by mouses » Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:53 am

StevieG72 wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 6:28 am
She wants a Porsche, you already bought one for yourself.
...
My suggestion would be to wait until the dust settles and then take a look at the family finances together. If after a review she still wants the Porsche, you may have to take one for the team.
Maybe she will let you drive it occasionally! :D
$9K is not $53K. Taking one for the team does not include helping the team drive over a cliff with an apparent four year old at the wheel.

Sum-day
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Sum-day » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:04 am

My suggestion, get her to agree to focus on the MIL first and a decision can be made on a Porsche after the stress of the MIL issues are behind you.

We all approach finances differently. As mentioned above, your wife's exposure to a QVC addicted parent probably didn't align her with the Boglehead approach. It sounds like, in some ways, my wife Had a similar approach to your wife. I worked to open my wife's eyes to a better way to define and to achieve financial success. It took a lot of work, patience, discipline and (did I mention) patience.

You both make good livings. With some discipline you'll be out of debt and able to retire comfortably even earlier than you project.

I recommend you go to some of the Financial Independence sites that are available today (wish these were available when I was younger). Listen to the Podcasts at "ChooseFI" they'll direct you to other sites exposing the same concepts. Sites like Mr. Money Mustache, the Mad Fientist, etc.

Who knows, maybe she'll embrace the concepts and buy into what will eventually bring you both a more enriched life.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by gd » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:12 am

This isn't a financial logic question, it's an emotion question. It's hard, she's stressed out, and thinking about a reward is a way of getting through the stress. You are not saying this explicitly, but strongly implying that there is an understanding that the car is advance compensation for the stress the MIL is causing and will be paid for by the inevitable inheritance. Perhaps suggest that she couch shop all she wants, but that it would be a bit more... respectful if she not actually spend the inheritance until her mother is safely in the ground and cash is in hand. Exact phrasing at your discretion. If she still wants it 6 months after the death, well, good luck with the marriage.

Ask the hospice people about caregiver and relative support & counseling. It's part of what they are experts in.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by smitcat » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:19 am

OnFire wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:05 am
Just like it says...My MIL was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma back in May. For those of you who don't know, this is basically a death sentence. She is 79 and was in decent health. We thought because they caught it before any major symptoms, she might get 18 months. She lived alone until this diagnosis. MIL wanted to go full-bore, and did not want to know prognosis. She underwent radiation and chemo. She had to transfer to an Assisted Living facility at the time of diagnosis. MIL was relatively frugal with her investments, (despite an addiction to QVC - don't even get me started), and had around $200K before all this started. She has a widowers pension and SS and good health care. She has a 4 Bedroom, 2 bathroom house that's fully paid for. It's worth probably $230K. She has one half-sister who will get half the house. Her sister will not get the $200K that's in Vanguard, Edward Jones, etc. My wife is the only other person on all those accounts.

Overall, they have a good relationship. She was much closer to her Dad, who passed away 10 years ago.

MIL has taken a turn for the worse over the past 3 weeks. Very little interaction. Unable to walk or use the bathroom. The visiting nurse recommended Hospice. She has been under Hospice care for around 4-5 days.She had a seizure yesterday and got Valium to treat it. This morning, my wife and her half-sister went to the funeral home to make arrangements. She came home this afternoon, cracked open a beer, and said, "If I have to go through all this crap with my Mom, I'm getting a sweet ass Porsche." and showed me a picture of a 2013 Panamera with a price tag of $53K.

I am a firefighter and a paramedic. She is a dentist. I make around $115k, She makes around the same working about 30 hours a week while our kids were small. Youngest is now in school (made it to Kindergarten) and she is planning on ramping up her hours to 40-45 a week.

We live in a modest 3Bed, 2bath raised ranch in the Midwest. We bought our house for around $210k five years ago. It
is probably worth $280k after some renovations. We have a rental house with stable renters. The rent covers the mortgage and we use any extra to pay off the 15 year mortgage a bit faster. It's probably worth $170k. We owe $130k on the primary residence and $105k on the rental. She also recently just purchased a new practice a few blocks from our home, and she wanted to tap the equity in the rental house to pay for the down payment on the practice. We have to come up with around $25k, of which we still owe another $10k. Were used some savings for the ernest money and initial down payment.

We max our Roths and partially fund our 401(k)s. I am 43, she is 38. She says she wants to work until 65. I plan on being done earlier, at 55-56, but with a pension of around $63k, and maybe $5K a year from the 15 years I worked in the private sector. I plan on having a small second career for 5-10 years, making maybe $10-15k a year.

Our two boys (ages 6 and 7), will almost certainly be going to private high school. The Big City alternative is violent and crappy. The tab will probably be ($11k x 8 years, so $90k) and I'm roughly estimating college at $25k x 8 years, or $200k.They have 529s and Coverdells worth approx. $30k currently.

She still has student loans of around $100k, but through some magic, pays only 1.3% interest rates.

We have two cars we owe notes on. A 2012 Acadia, that we owe about $12k, and a 2014 Accord Hybrid that we owe around $20k on.

I just want to get out of debt. Every month, we dip into our line of credit. Despite my pleadings, and both of us only getting "allowances" we still constantly have a negative balance in our checking account. After a vacation, and some emergency repairs to the house, I owe $3,500 on my credit card.

I would be ESTATIC to pay off our primary residence, our cars, credit cards, put aside a chunk for future car purchases, pay off the rental house, and sock away the rest into the boys education funds. Maybe take a nice vacation to Europe and see my MILs grandparents hometown in Austria next year. With the additional cash flow, we could start to both max out our 401ks.

Her Mom might have a month. I basically nodded my head and played along. It was a very stressful day and I didn't want to poke the dragon, so to speak.

Any advice on how to be rational with her? How long should I let her go before trying to be realistic? I bought a fully depreciated Boxster three years ago (2000 Boxster S) for $9k. She can drive whenever she wants but is hesitant to drive a stick in city traffic. I've been coaxing her to practice, but she is afraid she will break it.

I see a lot of leveraged assets / a number of loans, and a number of costs that you expect to incur in the future. The educational and child raising costs are understandable but cold easily be understated. Your income and future income look very good and should easily be able to support your primary goals but I do not see how much you have saved so far at 43/38 in both pre tax and after tax accounts.
Planning to work a certain number of years is always fine but having another backup plan is prudent as there are many reasons why your years working would/could be limited.
Do you have a balance sheet somewhere of all the loans and accounts so the entire picture can come into view?

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by JPH » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:41 am

I'm sorry for your situation. If she advances to the stage of actually taking action on this idea, I hope you can talk her out of it. The new car will not help her deal with the stress, and you both probably would end up regretting the purchase. I suppose the car always could be sold if that happened.
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afan
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by afan » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:42 am

Losing a parent elicits emotional reactions. I would avoid making any major purchases. Not just between now and MIL death, but for quite a while (a year or two??) afterwards.

In the meanwhile, shopping for a wide variety of cars could be therapeutic, but buying one could be a huge mistake.

Meanwhile, your description suggests there is not an overall financial plan. I suggest you sit down with your wife to create one. You describe a serious cash flow problem and -horror of horrors to a boglehead- you are not maxing out your retirement plan contributions. If you can find a good financial planner who charges ONLY hourly rates- no commissions, no assets under management fees- you could let that person help you develop a good plan.

Your plan should start with maxing out your retirement contributions.
You should fully fund educational accounts for your kids.
Your plan should allocate a realistic amount of monthly expenses and you should have a serious plan for how to react when you exceed it.

It seems you both have good incomes, unclear whether you have appropriate disability and life insurance. The security of your incomes also is unclear. As I understand it, your wife runs a small business, or several small businesses. Even in a good field like dentistry, that carries risks. Short term drops in cash flow could be a huge problem for you right now.
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Leemiller
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Leemiller » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:50 am

Well I think if you did talk to her you need to acknowledge that neither of you have managed money well in the past. Your Porshce is an example of that. The car loans, vacation debt, and credit card debt shouldn't be there given your incomes and housing expenses. Why are you paying more on a 15 year mortgage when you can't pay your bills? Or putting any money on a Roth? You both need a budget as a starting point.

I'd get on a budget before I'd throw money at any of the debt otherwise you'll both find a way to overspend again. The housing payment can't be your problem. I also think you're overestimating how much you'll have to throw at your debt and goals.

As for the Porsche, maybe you sell yours and get an automatic for both of you, but just get on a budget and fix the current bleeding first.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Longdog » Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:58 am

I would suggest that, as your instincts already seem to suggest, now is not the time to try to talk your wife out of anything. This is obviously a very difficult and emotional time. When your MIL eventually passes, if your wife still feels that a Porsche will somehow compensate her for the stress and grief she is undergoing, or maybe she feels it is the gift (i.e., inheritance, if there is any) that her mother would have always liked but could never afford to give her during her lifetime, then encourage her to wait a while (e.g., six months or a year) before taking action. There will always be Porsches available for purchase. It is not a good idea to do something impulsive or make major life changes soon after the death of a parent.
Steve

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by sambb » Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:17 am

If she is going to buy, she can get more value out of a 2014 that has a refreshed body style, and CPO versions are selling for low 50s (maybe not priced at that #, but selling at that number for sure). I understand that the point of the thread has many other nuances, but if she is going to buy, at least get the most value for your money. I would sell the stick boxster if she doesnt want to drive it.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by dwickenh » Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:30 am

Compromise is always the answer. Sell the 9,000 Boxster stick that she can't drive, replace it with a 30,000 Boxster automatic that you both can drive. You just saved 32,000 over the one she has in mind, you get upgraded also, and there is peace in the household. This may sound like giving in to her whim, but compromise is what life is all about.

I wish the best for your family,

Dan
The market is the most efficient mechanism anywhere in the world for transferring wealth from impatient people to patient people.” | — Warren Buffett

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Watty
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Watty » Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:36 am

I am not sure that it would help but there is a wiki on managing a windfall that stresses how important it is to wait six months or a year to decide on long term plans.

https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Managing_a_windfall

You might be able to get her to defer any decision buying a Porsche until next spring, especially if you live in an area that has bad winters where driving a Porsche in the winter may not be much fun. When looking at this be sure to also look at the costs of insurance, car registration, and maintenance since those will be higher ongoing costs.

I don't have a link handy but I am pretty sure that when people have gone through the loss of a loved one that they are MUCH more likely to have a car accident so in addition to fully insuring any car that she buys I would be concerned that she might get hurt in a car accident if she buys a sports car right away. That would also favor waiting a while before buying a sports car.

I am not a "car guy" but when there have been threads about sports cars one model that is often mentioned as being a nice affordable alternative is the Mazda Miata which she could buy new at half that price and not feel nervous about driving it. With a new car she could also find one with the exact color and features she wants If she still wants to buy a sports car you might be able to get her to at least test drive one of those. The Mazda could also be her daily driver car so you could sell one of your other cars. With the expensive Porsche there would be a temptation to keep a second car for her.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by chevca » Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:46 am

After my last parent passed away, I used some of the money left to me to buy a fun car not costing much less than the one the wife here is talking about. So, I may not be the best one to give an answer the OP is probably looking for. :happy

I named the car after my mom and think of my folks every time I drive it. The best use of the money? Probably not. But, it means a heck of a lot to me and makes me happy.

Sounds like the wife will be getting over $300k in inheritance. OP, you may have to concede on this one. There should still be plenty to pay off some debt. She may totally change her mind about the Porsche in a while too. As others have said, she's feeling with and dealing with a lot of emotions right now. It could just be talk.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by veindoc » Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:49 am

It doesn't sound like you two are on the same page financially. I don't think there is any way I or my husband could surprise each other financially. But I don't know if now is the time to address it. I'm curious to hear what other bogleheads think about inheritances, is it HER money or THEIR money?

My mother passed away and when she did my father started to get his affairs in order for when his time came. He has multiple properties as well as investments and he has stated time and time again that my brothers and I come up with a plan irrespective of the spouses. My husband agrees 100%. And the inheritance is likely to be sizeable. My dad works for fun. Similarly when my mother died, my SIL deferred sorting through her jewelry to my brother stating they were his pieces to select. If he wanted to give any to her she would accept but she didn't want to be part of the process.

You may not agree with her decision but it's her money.
But at the same time you need to come up with a financial plan and budget based on your CURRENT income and forget the inheritance. It is "only" one year of gross income in the long run. It is not a long term plan. The way you are living is not sustainable.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by stemikger » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:00 am

I stopped reading after your wife said sweet ass Porsche.

Anyone who equates happiness with material items will never be happy. In all due respect, I think she would be better served going to counseling.

Good Luck!
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by goingup » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:23 am

Your reaction to stress may be to delve into financial details--trying to financially control the situation and establish order in chaos. Your wife may handle it by becoming more free-wheeling.

My advice would be to be supportive and attend to the immediate medical situation. The estate and inheritance will settle out and then you both can evaluate the finances. Don't try to engage in financial discussions now when emotions are too raw.

Sorry for your troubles. Very difficult. :|

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by sschullo » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:24 am

stemikger wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:00 am
I stopped reading after your wife said sweet ass Porsche.

Anyone who equates happiness with material items will never be happy. In all due respect, I think she would be better served going to counseling.

Good Luck!
+2, 3, 4 and on!

Wow! What a story OP!
Your wife needs individual counseling and a bereavement group. Untreated grief and other emotional traumas come out in unexpected and destructive ways. Alcohol is just a start.

When she refuses, go to an Alanon or a bereavement group yourself because you may be losing your wife to more destructive behavior. Tell her you are going, and invite her to go with you, and that you love her, but her behavior is unacceptable.
Public School K-12 Educators: "Ask NOT what your annuity sales person can do for you, ask what you can do to be a Do-It-Yourselfer (DIY)."

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by 2stepsbehind » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:29 am

mrsytf wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:49 am
It doesn't sound like you two are on the same page financially. I don't think there is any way I or my husband could surprise each other financially. But I don't know if now is the time to address it. I'm curious to hear what other bogleheads think about inheritances, is it HER money or THEIR money?

My mother passed away and when she did my father started to get his affairs in order for when his time came. He has multiple properties as well as investments and he has stated time and time again that my brothers and I come up with a plan irrespective of the spouses. My husband agrees 100%. And the inheritance is likely to be sizeable. My dad works for fun. Similarly when my mother died, my SIL deferred sorting through her jewelry to my brother stating they were his pieces to select. If he wanted to give any to her she would accept but she didn't want to be part of the process.

You may not agree with her decision but it's her money.
But at the same time you need to come up with a financial plan and budget based on your CURRENT income and forget the inheritance. It is "only" one year of gross income in the long run. It is not a long term plan. The way you are living is not sustainable.
Hers.

Agreed 100% on the suggestion in bold.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Nate79 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:42 am

You need a double shot of Dave Ramsey. You have great salaries but you are broke. Money problems lead to marriage problems and I highly suggest you fix this problem with serious urgency.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Rupert » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:44 am

I would not ordinarily recommend to someone who reads Bogleheads that they see a financial planner, but some people swallow hard advice better when it comes from a neutral third party. So, if I were you, I'd consider making an appointment with a fee-only financial planner and have him/her explain the situation to your wife. You two need to sit down together and make a list of your short-term and long-term financial goals and then make a plan for how to achieve them. You have a car problem even without the new(ish) Porsche. 2 car notes at your salaries? Should never happen. A newish Porsche on top of that? Ridiculous. I'd actually get rid of the Honda and the Honda note and replace it with a cheaper car. And, to eliminate the "good for the goose but not for the gander" problem, I'd sell your old Porsche. Tell the wife you'll get a newish Porsche together as a reward once you've paid off your debt and her expanded dental practice is up and running. Another thought: You could pay off a good chunk of your debt if you unload that rental property.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by tibbitts » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:47 am

Honestly your post is too complicated for me to understand without reading it maybe fifty times. I completely understand why you had to present all that information but I'm guessing most people can't comprehend it.

I'll just mention this:
Her sister will not get the $200K that's in Vanguard, Edward Jones, etc. My wife is the only other person on all those accounts.
Usually putting a child on an account has nothing to do with who is meant to "get" the amounts in the account.

Whatever she inherits is entirely hers and you have no say in what she spends that money on, unless it impacts you later in terms of expenses you alone or you both would incur together. In this case I don't know how ongoing expenses vary having that car vs. some other but that would be the only grounds for objecting.

You alone have a huge income. Together you have an amazingly massive income, and you can more than afford that car by any other than Boglehead standards. You just have a certain lifestyle that you both want - I think you're pretty well matched in that regard - and are probably like 90% of people in your income range so you really shouldn't compare yourself to people on Bogleheads. There isn't a right and wrong here; you just have to be who you are.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by ResearchMed » Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:51 am

tibbitts wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:47 am
Honestly your post is too complicated for me to understand without reading it maybe fifty times. I completely understand why you had to present all that information but I'm guessing most people can't comprehend it.

I'll just mention this:
Her sister will not get the $200K that's in Vanguard, Edward Jones, etc. My wife is the only other person on all those accounts.
Usually putting a child on an account has nothing to do with who is meant to "get" the amounts in the account.

Whatever she inherits is entirely hers and you have no say in what she spends that money on, unless it impacts you later in terms of expenses you alone or you both would incur together. In this case I don't know how ongoing expenses vary having that car vs. some other but that would be the only grounds for objecting.

You alone have a huge income. Together you have an amazingly massive income, and you can more than afford that car by any other than Boglehead standards. You just have a certain lifestyle that you both want - I think you're pretty well matched in that regard - and are probably like 90% of people in your income range so you really shouldn't compare yourself to people on Bogleheads. There isn't a right and wrong here; you just have to be who you are.
He has NO SAY in how she spends that money?
That may be the case legally, but at this stage, they still seem to be married, and presumably hoping to keep it that way!

RM
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Katietsu » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:03 am

You had a debt problem and financial chaos before your MIL's diagnosis. You need to keep these issues separate.

If she wants to spend $53,000 of her inheritance on a car that is not the worst thing in the world. I would suggest that the rest of the inheritance be parked for the 6 month type time frame recommended after a loss.

It is unfortunate that you are starting to focus on your financial life differently now. Your wife might not be in a place to address it right now. I would try to work on making as much progress as you can organizing your finances and budgets.

Quite frankly, I do not think you have described any behavior associated with her mother's illness that I would not consider normal. I just watched the movie Big Stone Gap yesterday that contained the following line: "No one worries about you like your mother, and when she is gone, the world seems unsafe". Remember that as you support your wife through this difficult time.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Leesbro63 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:05 am

JPH wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 7:41 am
I'm sorry for your situation. If she advances to the stage of actually taking action on this idea, I hope you can talk her out of it. The new car will not help her deal with the stress, and you both probably would end up regretting the purchase. I suppose the car always could be sold if that happened.
My guess is that it doesn't work that way...you buy the car and once buyer's remorse settles in, you sell it. My guess it that it requires a ramp up to something else...a better/newer car. A house. Something else. The problem isn't the car...it's the feeling that she deserves a Porsche for having to deal with the stress of a dying parent. The car won't fix that. Nor will the next ramp-up object or the next or the next.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by 2stepsbehind » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:10 am

Have your wife and her half sister discussed with their mother why the half sister is not getting part of the investments? This may be another source of stress/tension after her passing and it may be better to resolve any issues now.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by SleepKing » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:15 am

Katietsu wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:03 am
I would suggest that the rest of the inheritance be parked for the 6 month type time frame recommended after a loss.
This.

Convince her to wait 6 months for the estate to settle out and emotions to cycle prior to making any decisions on purchases. Personally, I would utilize the angle she can research the car buying during the 6 month and perhaps wait for the current models to get sold/traded in before buying one. Don't tell her NOT to get one, just buy the 6 month time wait and use that time to have financial discussions with her.

Another point I'd like to make is that while it is "her" inheritance, a highly educated adult should be able to see the utility and necessity of altering this from 'mine' to 'our family's'. There are pressing and long term financial goals that warrant discussion during the 6 month cool off period.

Sorry for the impending loss to your wife and your family.

Sleepy

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by teen persuasion » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:16 am

2stepsbehind wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:10 am
Have your wife and her half sister discussed with their mother why the half sister is not getting part of the investments? This may be another source of stress/tension after her passing and it may be better to resolve any issues now.
I read it as mom has a half sister who has a half interest in the house. She would be aunt to OP's wife.

The bigger question to me is, will there be anything left of mom's savings after medical costs for cancer treatments and assisted living?

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Nowizard » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:20 am

No need to complicate things right now or question this or that. Since you would not buy the Porsche until the inheritance was received, simply say, let's wait until things settle down, but allow her to entertain the thought. If she needs to learn how to drive a stick, go ahead and teach her. It is a good skill to have when a stick shift already exists in the family, and it is not a commitment for the possible car, but neither is it an effort to convince her rationally during a time when decisions are being made emotionally.

Tim

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Coachrhino11 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:22 am

Nate79 wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:42 am
You need a double shot of Dave Ramsey. You have great salaries but you are broke. Money problems lead to marriage problems and I highly suggest you fix this problem with serious urgency.
Why are you the only person who has mentioned this?! Lol. I was reading every reply waiting for his name to be dropped. Funny how so many on this site dislike and disagree with him just because his 12% return assumptions. Disregard his investment advice if you want, but man his baby steps work and people who have followed them have been very successful and reduced stress at same time.

OP, I would absolutely recommend Financial Peace University for both of you together. Making very good annual income and not near enough to show for you. You both need to be on same page financially, or marriage problems await. Good luck my friend. I'm sure I'll get blasted, go for it folks, no skin off my back. :D

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Leesbro63 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:25 am

Certain personality types will NEVER EVER "get religion" on Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman...two I can think of offhand who appeal to "accumulator neophytes"...let alone Bogleheads with a much greater degree of sophistication toward accumulating and holding onto wealth. I am guessing that anyone who wants to pre-spend $50,000 of a $200,000 inheritance on ANY used car, as reward for putting up with stress of a dying parent, is one of those certain personality types. Good luck with that.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by BolderBoy » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:29 am

stemikger wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:00 am
I stopped reading after your wife said sweet ass Porsche.

Anyone who equates happiness with material items will never be happy. In all due respect, I think she would be better served going to counseling.
I agree. This scenario screams for a therapist's intervention. It can help enormously and will cost a LOT less than $53k.
"Never underestimate one's capacity to overestimate one's abilities" - The Dunning-Kruger Effect

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Coachrhino11 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:33 am

Leesbro63 wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:25 am
Certain personality types will NEVER EVER "get religion" on Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman...two I can think of offhand who appeal to "accumulator neophytes"...let alone Bogleheads with a much greater degree of sophistication toward accumulating and holding onto wealth. I am guessing that anyone who wants to pre-spend $50,000 of a $200,000 inheritance on ANY used car, as reward for putting up with stress of a dying parent, is one of those certain personality types. Good luck with that.
Lol, guess I'm just not sophisticated enough since I happen to like Dave Ramsey. I meet many "sophisticated " broke people where I live everyday. Religion or not, he's way more right than not. Plenty of non religious people agree with his steps.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Coachrhino11 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:35 am

Firefighters making 115k?? Holy smokes, and so many complain about teachers making 50k. I certainly went into wrong field. Good for you man, make that $$ and get that pension, certainly don't blame you.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Leesbro63 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:39 am

Coachrhino11 wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:33 am
Leesbro63 wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:25 am
Certain personality types will NEVER EVER "get religion" on Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman...two I can think of offhand who appeal to "accumulator neophytes"...let alone Bogleheads with a much greater degree of sophistication toward accumulating and holding onto wealth. I am guessing that anyone who wants to pre-spend $50,000 of a $200,000 inheritance on ANY used car, as reward for putting up with stress of a dying parent, is one of those certain personality types. Good luck with that.
Lol, guess I'm just not sophisticated enough since I happen to like Dave Ramsey. I meet many "sophisticated " broke people where I live everyday. Religion or not, he's way more right than not. Plenty of non religious people agree with his steps.
I wasn't ripping on Dave Ramsey OR Suze Orman, although I DO think both have serious flaws. But I agree that the good they bring to the masses outweighs the bad advice on certain topics...like investment returns. But, yeah, I stand by my comment that being an active Boglehead requires a bit more education and sophistication than just paying off credit card debt and not leasing cars. My point was that for those with an eye to wealth accumulation, often these media types are their first exposure on how to do it. And my point was that I don't think the Porsche-buying-heir-wife in this post is a candidate for even a Dave Ramsey message.
Last edited by Leesbro63 on Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by ResearchMed » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:40 am

BolderBoy wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:29 am
stemikger wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:00 am
I stopped reading after your wife said sweet ass Porsche.

Anyone who equates happiness with material items will never be happy. In all due respect, I think she would be better served going to counseling.
I agree. This scenario screams for a therapist's intervention. It can help enormously and will cost a LOT less than $53k.
Playing Devil's Advocate here for the moment:

Do we know about Wife's general spending patterns/habits?
Is she "more of the household finance problem" than OP?

Just because they haven't YET gotten a good handle on spending and savings (and hopefully this will help trigger some important changes) doesn't mean they need serious therapy. That might be needed, but it might just be that a good wakeup call AND some helpful information is what is needed to make a fresh start.

My point is that perhaps (this is just a "perhaps") we are being too harsh on Wife's reaction to the stress of dealing with a dying mother plus the additional complications of family and mother's finances.

However, I absolutely agree that no large non-emergency spending should occur in the near aftermath of this type of situation.
Any windfall has its perils, but when it's tangled up with very deep emotions and negative emotions... that's even worse.

But it *might* be that after some consideration, some sort of "consolation/remembrance" purchase could be helpful.
(Some of this might depend upon the nature of Wife's relationship with mother outside this last episode.)

And it could be all the more possible if there is still a large majority of any inheritance that could be used to help the family get finances under better control.

Added: She blurted out those words in a high emotion time. Should she really be expected to come home, exhausted emotionally, and say "Mom's dying, and the finances are a mess with half-sister, and now, let's turn to budgeting..." especially when budgeting wasn't even on the table yet.

RM
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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by JuniorBH » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:44 am

I agree with the other folks who have suggested parking the inheritance and waiting 6 months. This sounds like an incredibly stressful time for you and your wife and it would be wise to give yourselves time to grieve before you make any major decisions.

For the finances, personally, I would want to simplify things and pay off some of the different outstanding obligations. Primary mortgage, secondary mortgage, credit debt, multiple car loans, students loans...that's a lot of money going out the door every month, even with your income.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by HornedToad » Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:59 am

BolderBoy wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:29 am
stemikger wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:00 am
I stopped reading after your wife said sweet ass Porsche.

Anyone who equates happiness with material items will never be happy. In all due respect, I think she would be better served going to counseling.
I agree. This scenario screams for a therapist's intervention. It can help enormously and will cost a LOT less than $53k.
The amount of judgment going on for someone who's in the middle of losing their mother is appalling. Everyone handles grief in different ways, and it's not clear from the post how serious or not she even is about it at this point in time vs. being a form of escapism to distract herself from the situation. Just because someone has a different value system than you doesn't mean yours is right and theirs is wrong. Some people get satisfaction from a new car they drive everyday. Others from going on expensive vacations. There is no right or wrong and experiences are not inherently better....

That said, I would recommend grief counseling. My wife went to that after her father passed away suddenly and it was definitely helpful for her to process the shock of it and work thru her emotions. Waiting 6 months for any decisions is also a good idea.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Doom&Gloom » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:02 am

stemikger wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:00 am
I stopped reading after your wife said sweet ass Porsche.
...
Same.

Reminded me of some of my in-laws. Good luck!

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by Spirit Rider » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:02 am

Being my usual contrarian self, I have some observations:
  1. The people calling her a child, immature, etc... are clearly projecting. Maybe they might want to look in the mirror.
  2. To the OP, an inheritance is not marital property. She does not need your permission. It is her money, not ours and certainly not yours
  3. Losing a parent is a tramatic event and nobody certainly not Bogleheads have any right to judge her.
Would I make such a purchase after the death of a parent? No, and I unfortunately have had the chance twice. I didn't because I knew it wouldn't bring me any great degree of happiness. However, you can guess what my reaction would have been to my wife objecting to blowing a little money when my father died. I was not married when my mother passed away.

It seems I am more disappointed in what has become of the Boglehad community over the last ten years. Life is about more than just financial mantras.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by 2pedals » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:14 am

OnFire wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:05 am
Just like it says...My MIL was diagnosed with a Glioblastoma back in May. For those of you who don't know, this is basically a death sentence. She is 79 and was in decent health. We thought because they caught it before any major symptoms, she might get 18 months. She lived alone until this diagnosis. MIL wanted to go full-bore, and did not want to know prognosis. She underwent radiation and chemo. She had to transfer to an Assisted Living facility at the time of diagnosis.
I am very sorry for what you and your family are going through, family illness are extremely difficult and stressful for everybody.
OnFire wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 2:05 am
Any advice on how to be rational with her? How long should I let her go before trying to be realistic? I bought a fully depreciated Boxster three years ago (2000 Boxster S) for $9k. She can drive whenever she wants but is hesitant to drive a stick in city traffic. I've been coaxing her to practice, but she is afraid she will break it.
What is the your definition of rational? I don't think you own that definition. It sounds like you are two peas in a pod (you wants - she wants). I see lots of spending between the two with lots debt to show for it (how much retirement savings do you have?). You certainly have the income to justify some spending, so I don't see how a single fancy car is the problem here. I see the problem as an accumulated lifetime of very bad spending habits that you and your wife should change. You can't fix it alone and your wife can't fix it alone, it has to be done together.

By the way you don't let your wife do something, she decides what she wants (my DW told me that years ago). So you don't own that either. You don't need to wait a second to be realistic, if you are truly realistic. But I think your beliefs of what is realistic are different than hers, tread lightly for she is going through a lot right now. I suggest you and your wife start making long term plans on how the dept will be paid, make a plan for the next 10 years.
Last edited by 2pedals on Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:29 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by chrisdds98 » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:17 am

your family makes over 200k/yr so thats a great start. Do you guys have a budget? Dave Ramsey's baby steps would probably help if you could get your wife on board.

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Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by tibbitts » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:24 am

Nobody wants to drive a manual transmission car in city traffic, where you crawl along stop and go for hours. You never shift, you just sit there in first gear burning up the clutch.

2stepsbehind
Posts: 884
Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:03 am

Re: Mother-In-Law dying, Wife wants to buy a Porsche

Post by 2stepsbehind » Sat Sep 16, 2017 11:36 am

SleepKing wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:15 am
Katietsu wrote:
Sat Sep 16, 2017 10:03 am
I would suggest that the rest of the inheritance be parked for the 6 month type time frame recommended after a loss.
This.

Convince her to wait 6 months for the estate to settle out and emotions to cycle prior to making any decisions on purchases. Personally, I would utilize the angle she can research the car buying during the 6 month and perhaps wait for the current models to get sold/traded in before buying one. Don't tell her NOT to get one, just buy the 6 month time wait and use that time to have financial discussions with her.

Another point I'd like to make is that while it is "her" inheritance, a highly educated adult should be able to see the utility and necessity of altering this from 'mine' to 'our family's'. There are pressing and long term financial goals that warrant discussion during the 6 month cool off period.

Sorry for the impending loss to your wife and your family.

Sleepy
Disagreed that this is a necessity or even advisable. The OP's wife should use the bequest in a way that honors the giver and her values. That may mean putting it aside for the kids or grandkids' educations, being engaged in philanthropic work etc. OP and his wife make enough money on their own that they shouldn't be looking at the inheritance as a means of sustaining their household. The mother-in-law's wealth certainly shouldn't provide the excuse for her son-in-law to retire early unless that's a vision her daughter shares.

Locked