Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

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BogleAlltheWay
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Joined: Mon May 15, 2017 5:25 pm

Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by BogleAlltheWay »

VictoriaF wrote:
BogleAlltheWay wrote:I get it. It harder to leave a relationship after several dates, but talking about finances on 1st date is very tricky and can give the wrong impression. If someone asked me on the 1st date, it would raise a red flag that the person was looking for money.
I agree! Asking or just talking about money on the first date is gauche. However, there are indirect ways to judge the other person's attitude towards money and savings. You ask her "Where do you normally spend your vacations." She answers. You then ask "Why?" These questions are completely within a realm of proper dating and provide you with a lot of good information about the girl's spending habits.

You ask her where she lives. Then you ask an appropriate version of "Why?" Owning, renting, sharing and other aspects of living provide a lot of information.

If you want to talk about debt you can focus on yourself. For example, "I went to university-X and had to take a lot of loans. But I hate debt and paid my loans off in the first three years after graduation. That's why I am driving an old car." Do NOT ask the girl how she has paid her college debt. If she similarly hates debt, she will volunteer information because she will be looking for commonalities. If she ignores your comment, assume that she is in debt.

Victoria
It gets tricky when you starting forcing the conversation into a certain direction. It takes a lot of work and effort to properly navigate through it all and not ask the wrong questions. It is easy to see ahead of time or in hindsight as to what questions are proper, but much harder during the actual date. Some people will pick up what you are trying to do.
BogleAlltheWay
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by BogleAlltheWay »

VictoriaF wrote: For male Bogleheads the odds on this site are not favorable.

Women Bogleheads do not need a dating group. We get a lot of attention just by being women.

Victoria
Very true. :beer

It is funny you say that as one of the previous posters was within my age range and in my area, but I am not single.
ImmigrantSaver
Posts: 353
Joined: Tue Nov 22, 2016 5:24 pm

Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by ImmigrantSaver »

VictoriaF wrote:
ImmigrantSaver wrote:I am a single female boglehead (34 yo) dating in NYC and I can relate to your concerns. But I think, provided that the other person is not a complete financial wreck, it's more important to focus on compatibility, common interests and similar life goals. It's hard to find someone with identical financial habits so you'll have to compromise either way. So it's more crucial I think to find someone who is willing to adjust rather than someone who is a perfect version of what you are looking for.
That said, some behavior patterns, I believe, are more predictive of financial habits of the person. Look for what keeps her entertained. Is it shopping or going out to brunch every Sunday? Or is it reading a book or taking a walk in the park?
New York City is the the worst place for single women. I have heard about this for a while, but recently I've read a book "Date-Onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game" by Jon Birger that confirmed this with a lot of statistics and authoritative anecdotes. I strongly recommend that you read it.

By contrast, San Francisco and the Silicon Valley are great places for women to meet potential mates. You and the OP live in the places of your respective disadvantages. You should take vacations in San Jose and he in NYC {half-joking}

Victoria
It is very difficult and competitive, I agree. And definitely not a topic for discussion on the bogleheads forum :)

Funny enough it's not the first time I hear an advice to go away to meet someone :)
Lynette
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by Lynette »

VictoriaF wrote:
nedsaid wrote:
VictoriaF wrote: I too have immigrated to the U.S. from Europe (Soviet Union) at about the same age . . .
Victoria, thanks for sharing that. I had no idea you were an immigrant, and from the Soviet Union. Your command of the English language is excellent and I have always enjoyed your thoughtful and witty posts.
Hi nedsaid,

If you had heard me speak you would have no doubt of my origin. Attendees of the national and Washington Bogleheads meetings can attest to that. My latest source of pride is taking my accent to standup open mics and getting applause. People who can't see compensate with superior hearing; people who can't speak compensate with content {wink}.
in
Victoria
Victoria,

When you mentioned you were doing standup comedy, I was thinking how much your accent could help you. In this country stereotypes exist about foreign accents and I'm sure you use this to great effect in standup comedy.

I immigrated when I was 35 from South Africa and many Americans think I'm British though Brits can pick up my accent immediately. Recently, I was in a museum in Naples, Italy and two different British gentlemen immediately placed my accent. I had an older British friend and when I told him that many Americans thought I was British, he remarked in his most sarcastic very British accent: "Of course, you are not". To him this meant that I was one of those colonials who could not speak English properly. :happy I'm sure he voted for Brexit.

On the frugality issue, to some extent, it depends on one hobbies and passions. Travel has always been my passion and I have spent a lot of money on it. Early retirement was not my dream and it is mostly Bogleheads who think it is important. I worked into my seventies but for the last twenty years I went overseas four or five times a year. I don't like shopping so I'm frugal except for travel.

OP, best wishes,

Lynette
MutualEdge
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by MutualEdge »

Hi OP,

I wouldn't worry terribly about trying to find a "Boglehead partner." My husband and I are around the same age as you are and while I consider myself to be more Bogleheadish, he is a spender. When we were dating, at some point he mentioned he had a few thousand dollars in credit card debt from taking trips he couldn't afford. I'm incredibly debt adverse, so some interesting and eye-opening conversations followed for both of us. That said, we share many similar hobbies and values, so I wasn't going to let him get away! We talked about a host of important topics before we were married, especially finances as we were raised on opposite ends of the spectrum with respect to how our parents viewed money. He happily lets me manage finances and bills (he has no interest) and we both have a monthly spending bucket based on our budget. My main financial goal is FI; his is living in the moment. I'm honestly happy to have someone who isn't exactly like me in this respect because we balance out each other nicely and are able to enjoy life, while still putting money away.

Enough about us, although I hope it gives you another person's perspective. You sound like you have a great job and nice balance with respect to your lifestyle. You seem to live in moderation--caring about the future and planning wisely, while still enjoying the present--living alone in a HCOL area, driving a new car, and going out to eat/socialize. You're still so young; enjoy dating! Date many, enjoy casual conversations with people and you'll pick up on little things. But, don't fret, at least the first couple of months, if someone has slightly different views. Many people in their 20s and even early 30s feel like they aren't making enough money to save or don't realize the power of compound interest. I recently showed my husband a graph; his mind was blown. Maybe you could gently advise a partner after several months or when the time is right to save just enough income to get to the 401k match and scale from there. You have a lot to offer!

Also, this prior dating partner you referenced, "A person working in academia just enough to save up money to quit and travel for 3-4 months," doesn't sound so bad. Of course, we don't have all of the details. I'm a person who values experiences more than things, so I'm likely to spend traveling. Maybe they have the summers off? Maybe they know nothing about personal finance, but would be receptive to learning more from you?

Perhaps you could join a Meetup or two of interest to you? You might find someone with similar hobbies that might spark something. Perhaps, there is a BH group that meets in your area that you could check out as well.

Good luck to you!
rxtra8
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by rxtra8 »

whodidntante wrote:In my experience, analytical and introverted people tend to be more careful with their money as a group. Find an engineer or an accountant. YMMV. :happy
I found an accountant!

My experience, Six years ago I was actively trying to find a partner online (I live near Los Angeles). I actually met my wife on Match.com; I know, the wild west of online dating. But by limiting my search/filter (after years of no luck-it takes time) I was able to narrow down potential partners. I was not looking for a BH type particularly, but more of someone with values and who had something to bring to the table,,,plus I had to be attracted physically. The last one said that she did trail running, shopped at Trader Joes and she seemed to have her feet on the ground. From the first date, I had a good feeling that this was the one I wanted to pursue. She was an immigrant who came to the USA from Hong Kong at the age of 28 with little money, put herself through college, became an accountant, owned her own condo plus two rentals...and I thought she looked great.

Now we have been together 5 1/2 years, married 2 1/2 years... I get in trouble because I used the "expensive" freezer zip lock instead of the cheap regular zip lock bag....she is super good with money, trustworthy and honest....still good looking! I got lucky!

You have to try to figure out what qualities you are looking for in a partner. Plus they will not make you happy....you have to be happy already...hope for happier!
“The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.” | — Robertson Davies
KlangFool
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by KlangFool »

BogleAlltheWay wrote:
VictoriaF wrote:
BogleAlltheWay wrote:I get it. It harder to leave a relationship after several dates, but talking about finances on 1st date is very tricky and can give the wrong impression. If someone asked me on the 1st date, it would raise a red flag that the person was looking for money.
I agree! Asking or just talking about money on the first date is gauche. However, there are indirect ways to judge the other person's attitude towards money and savings. You ask her "Where do you normally spend your vacations." She answers. You then ask "Why?" These questions are completely within a realm of proper dating and provide you with a lot of good information about the girl's spending habits.

You ask her where she lives. Then you ask an appropriate version of "Why?" Owning, renting, sharing and other aspects of living provide a lot of information.

If you want to talk about debt you can focus on yourself. For example, "I went to university-X and had to take a lot of loans. But I hate debt and paid my loans off in the first three years after graduation. That's why I am driving an old car." Do NOT ask the girl how she has paid her college debt. If she similarly hates debt, she will volunteer information because she will be looking for commonalities. If she ignores your comment, assume that she is in debt.

Victoria
It gets tricky when you starting forcing the conversation into a certain direction. It takes a lot of work and effort to properly navigate through it all and not ask the wrong questions. It is easy to see ahead of time or in hindsight as to what questions are proper, but much harder during the actual date. Some people will pick up what you are trying to do.
BogleAlltheWay,

<< It is easy to see ahead of time or in hindsight as to what questions are proper, but much harder during the actual date. Some people will pick up what you are trying to do.>>

I do not get it. Why is it so hard? Or, this is an age or cultural thing? After 30+, people go straight into a date and say they are looking for someone to marry to. The conversation goes straight into whether you want kids and how many. Whether the spouse prefers to stay at home or continue working after the kids.

It is easy to find out whether someone is financially compatible. For example, where they shop and how they shop? Let's say you are looking for a new TV and ask your date whether he/she shop for a new TV. And, what you should be looking for in the new TV? Does he have a budget or is money not a concern?

I watched a Japanese movie. They would start a date and say that I am on this date to look for someone to marry to. This is not awkward and a very natural thing to do in some culture.

KlangFool
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VictoriaF
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by VictoriaF »

Lynette wrote:
VictoriaF wrote:
nedsaid wrote:
VictoriaF wrote: I too have immigrated to the U.S. from Europe (Soviet Union) at about the same age . . .
Victoria, thanks for sharing that. I had no idea you were an immigrant, and from the Soviet Union. Your command of the English language is excellent and I have always enjoyed your thoughtful and witty posts.
Hi nedsaid,

If you had heard me speak you would have no doubt of my origin. Attendees of the national and Washington Bogleheads meetings can attest to that. My latest source of pride is taking my accent to standup open mics and getting applause. People who can't see compensate with superior hearing; people who can't speak compensate with content {wink}.
in
Victoria
Victoria,

When you mentioned you were doing standup comedy, I was thinking how much your accent could help you. In this country stereotypes exist about foreign accents and I'm sure you use this to great effect in standup comedy.
Hi Lynette,

I milk my accent for all it's worth. One of my jokes is teaching the audience to pronounce "Putin" with a Russian accent. (I can't repeat my other jokes here without violating multiple Bogleheads Forum rules.)
Lynette wrote:I immigrated when I was 35 from South Africa and many Americans think I'm British though Brits can pick up my accent immediately. Recently, I was in a museum in Naples, Italy and two different British gentlemen immediately placed my accent. I had an older British friend and when I told him that many Americans thought I was British, he remarked in his most sarcastic very British accent: "Of course, you are not". To him this meant that I was one of those colonials who could not speak English properly. :happy I'm sure he voted for Brexit.

On the frugality issue, to some extent, it depends on one hobbies and passions. Travel has always been my passion and I have spent a lot of money on it. Early retirement was not my dream and it is mostly Bogleheads who think it is important. I worked into my seventies but for the last twenty years I went overseas four or five times a year. I don't like shopping so I'm frugal except for travel.

OP, best wishes,

Lynette
I am one of those people who would have thought that you were British if I had not met you online earlier.

As for using travel experiences as a proxy for frugality, it would work in your case too. On a date you could describe where you travel, how you travel, why you travel, and how you had to schedule your travel around your work. While describing it, you would convey the right amount of information without having a discussion about money.

Victoria
Inventor of the Bogleheads Secret Handshake | Winner of the 2015 Boglehead Contest. | Every joke has a bit of a joke. ... The rest is the truth. (Marat F)
drg02b
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by drg02b »

+1 for bogledating

I have had the same challenge. I think finding someone who has a similar lifestyle and identifying what they find joy and entertainment in generally should have some alignment and prediction of their level of financial responsibility. I think "cheap" date ideas (can they enjoy simple activities, or does every date seem to lead to paying top dollar for "experiences") is one way to assess that. Beyond that, some level of opposing strengths and weaknesses is good in a marriage. If you're both finance-obsessed people, you'll but heads.

Easier said that done, though.
Topic Author
deanmoriarty
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by deanmoriarty »

Thanks everyone for the overwhelming responses, wow! I really appreciate each comment I received, good food for thoughts!

With respect to a few points raised:

- Online Dating: yes, most of my dates are actually from online dating, this area is very dating-unfriendly (for men, at least), so online can be very efficient for meeting people (and usually I have a good response rate, I consider myself interesting, physically attractive and I bring some diversity to the table being foreign). Also, most of my friends are either single like me, or already in happy relationships (most of those relationships were formed before they came to Silicon Valley), or have a different sexual orientation, so I'm not able to get introduced to many friends of friends so to speak.

- "Relative" frugal lifestyle: yes, the relative was in comparison to my acquaintances. Most of my peers who are at my same level in age/career like to splurge on expensive cars (my buddy just bought a $60k Mercedes), go out to eat in expensive restaurants almost every night, ... Luckily, despite these lifestyle choices they are not shallow at all and we have a very good connection, we go on ski trips during the winter, periodically meet to socialize, and help each other in career advancements/tips/...

Thanks!
an_asker
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by an_asker »

VictoriaF wrote:
Lynette wrote:
VictoriaF wrote:
nedsaid wrote:
VictoriaF wrote: I too have immigrated to the U.S. from Europe (Soviet Union) at about the same age . . .
Victoria, thanks for sharing that. I had no idea you were an immigrant, and from the Soviet Union. Your command of the English language is excellent and I have always enjoyed your thoughtful and witty posts.
Hi nedsaid,

If you had heard me speak you would have no doubt of my origin. Attendees of the national and Washington Bogleheads meetings can attest to that. My latest source of pride is taking my accent to standup open mics and getting applause. People who can't see compensate with superior hearing; people who can't speak compensate with content {wink}.
in
Victoria
Victoria,

When you mentioned you were doing standup comedy, I was thinking how much your accent could help you. In this country stereotypes exist about foreign accents and I'm sure you use this to great effect in standup comedy.
Hi Lynette,

I milk my accent for all it's worth. One of my jokes is teaching the audience to pronounce "Putin" with a Russian accent. (I can't repeat my other jokes here without violating multiple Bogleheads Forum rules.)
Lynette wrote:I immigrated when I was 35 from South Africa and many Americans think I'm British though Brits can pick up my accent immediately. Recently, I was in a museum in Naples, Italy and two different British gentlemen immediately placed my accent. I had an older British friend and when I told him that many Americans thought I was British, he remarked in his most sarcastic very British accent: "Of course, you are not". To him this meant that I was one of those colonials who could not speak English properly. :happy I'm sure he voted for Brexit.

On the frugality issue, to some extent, it depends on one hobbies and passions. Travel has always been my passion and I have spent a lot of money on it. Early retirement was not my dream and it is mostly Bogleheads who think it is important. I worked into my seventies but for the last twenty years I went overseas four or five times a year. I don't like shopping so I'm frugal except for travel.

OP, best wishes,

Lynette
I am one of those people who would have thought that you were British if I had not met you online earlier.

As for using travel experiences as a proxy for frugality, it would work in your case too. On a date you could describe where you travel, how you travel, why you travel, and how you had to schedule your travel around your work. While describing it, you would convey the right amount of information without having a discussion about money.

Victoria
One of these days, I need to learn from you how to milk my accent properly. Even though I've now been in the USA for a "majority" of my life, I "own" my accent, and it has not really helped.

Though I can understand most accents (have to admit that the tougher ones are probably folks from different parts of the UK :oops:), I do get mixed up between British, South African and Australian accents. I've figured out the reason - most folks from these areas don't use the 'textbook' local version of their accents. In other words, a person from the UK who's been here for a while won't have an accent matching the typical BBC announcer.
Early retirement was not my dream and it is mostly Bogleheads who think it is important. I worked into my seventies but for the last twenty years I went overseas four or five times a year.
In reply to Lynette, I am one of the Bogleheads who dreams of early retirement. Maybe when you see how my situation is different from yours, you'll understand why. Just like you, I wish to travel. Unfortunately, with vacation limited to two weeks at a stretch, there is not much travelling that I (we) can do and still enjoy the vacation. Practically every trip we've taken the last three-four years, I've had folks replying "You cannot go THERE for such a short time!" - from what you write, your job allowed you enough time for you to travel four-five times a year and still have a good trip. In this aspect, for sure, I would assume a majority of the bogleheads are like me than you!
rgs92
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by rgs92 »

I don't think marriage-and-family are the stepping stones to financial freedom and an early exit from the hamster wheel.

And the most important thing to do from a long term financial standpoint is try to find a wife where divorce isn't in the future.
So find someone you really like, period.

A good place to meet women is Petco or Petsmart.
Last edited by rgs92 on Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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VictoriaF
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by VictoriaF »

an_asker wrote:One of these days, I need to learn from you how to milk my accent properly. Even though I've now been in the USA for a "majority" of my life, I "own" my accent, and it has not really helped.
Today is the day! Take comedy classes where you live. I started out by taking improv comedy mostly for fun, not planning to perform. But my Level-2 improv class involved a public performance, and I went for it. Once I had the taste of the limelight I wanted more of it. I took several more Level-2 improv classes, because in my club Level-1 and Level-3 do not include a public performance, and Level-4 is too advanced for me.

Then my club was offering a standup class, which was brilliant. Not only I had a successful graduation performance, but in preparation to it I had to go to several open mics in clubs in D.C., Virginia and Maryland. Who would have thought that retirement is the time for bar hopping?!

Then a friend from improv has influenced me to take storytelling classes. Right now, I am taking two of them in parallel; both will culminate in club performances. The topic of my stories is related to my emigration/immigration and so milking my accent is highly appropriate.

Victoria
Last edited by VictoriaF on Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
Inventor of the Bogleheads Secret Handshake | Winner of the 2015 Boglehead Contest. | Every joke has a bit of a joke. ... The rest is the truth. (Marat F)
BogleAlltheWay
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by BogleAlltheWay »

KlangFool wrote:
BogleAlltheWay,

<< It is easy to see ahead of time or in hindsight as to what questions are proper, but much harder during the actual date. Some people will pick up what you are trying to do.>>

I do not get it. Why is it so hard? Or, this is an age or cultural thing? After 30+, people go straight into a date and say they are looking for someone to marry to. The conversation goes straight into whether you want kids and how many. Whether the spouse prefers to stay at home or continue working after the kids.

It is easy to find out whether someone is financially compatible. For example, where they shop and how they shop? Let's say you are looking for a new TV and ask your date whether he/she shop for a new TV. And, what you should be looking for in the new TV? Does he have a budget or is money not a concern?

I watched a Japanese movie. They would start a date and say that I am on this date to look for someone to marry to. This is not awkward and a very natural thing to do in some culture.

KlangFool
I am in my early 30s and the NY area. I would say it is an age and culture thing. I do agree that in many cultures talking marriage and kids on the 1st date is normal and/or expected. Talking marriage, kids etc on the first date is a big no no. Most people take talk like that on a 1st date as desperation. If you can get away with asking about marriage and kids on a 1st date than, it is easier to find out about their spending habits. Japanese culture is a different, the OP is from the San Francisco area and around my age.
Topic Author
deanmoriarty
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by deanmoriarty »

VictoriaF wrote:
an_asker wrote:One of these days, I need to learn from you how to milk my accent properly. Even though I've now been in the USA for a "majority" of my life, I "own" my accent, and it has not really helped.
Today is the day! Take comedy classes where you live. I started out by taking improv comedy mostly for fun, not planning to perform. But my Level-2 improv class involved a public performance, and I went for it. Once I had the taste of the limelight I wanted more of it. I took several more Level-2 improv classes, because in my club Level-1 and Level-3 do not include a public performance, and Level-4 is too advanced for me.

Then my club was offering a standup class, which was brilliant. Not only I had a successful graduation performance, but in preparation to it I had to go to several open mics in clubs in D.C., Virginia and Maryland. Who would have thought that retirement is the time for bar hopping?!

Now, a friend from improv has influenced me to take storytelling classes. Right now, I am taking two of them in parallel; both will culminate in club performances. The topic of my stories is related to my emigration/immigration and so milking my accent is highly appropriate.

Victoria
That sounds very cool! I have never done those (I am a bit shy, but in my job I do a few conference public speaking events every year in front of tech audiences 100-800 people, on work related topics) but I have a very strong Italian accent, I can see how that could become handy :)
Last edited by deanmoriarty on Mon Jun 26, 2017 12:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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The529guy
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by The529guy »

I have two recommendations, though YMMV:

First, try volunteer events as a place to meet more down-to-earth women. My theory is that people who are spending their limited time to do something for others are less likely to be spendthrifts. (Planning elaborate charity balls might be an exception.)

Second, I agree with the previous advice against presenting your financial attitudes by laying out your goals so bluntly. Next time you find yourself in that situation, drop some more subtle hints along the way and gauge the reactions.

My aunt always said you shouldn't propose if you don't already know the answer. Similarly, you should be able to get a pretty good idea of someone's financial attitudes without having a formal discussion, in my opinion.

Some examples:

You: I read an article today that says that the average American has $X,XXX of credit card debt. Those credit card company's interest rates are crazy!
Ladyfriend 1: I know, right? You gotta pay off the bill every month, or else it's a huge ripoff.
Ladyfriend 2: Well, everything is so expensive! The minimum payment is no big deal.

You: I wish my company's 401k plan had better options. Too many of the choices have super high fees.
Ladyfriend 1: Yeah, but at least it's an easy way to automatically save.
Ladyfriend 2: I don't know why anyone would use a 401k. I don't want my money where I can't use it if I need it.
mhalley
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by mhalley »

Looks like there are some sites that specialize in frugal singles.
http://frugalpassions.com/
.Frugal Passions gives people who are part of the Frugal community a place to find one another. You are welcome to use Frugal Passions solely as a dating site, since it has all the major features found on mainstream dating sites (e.g. photo personals, groups, chat, webcam video, email, forums, etc.).
fishboat
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by fishboat »

OP..give Meetup.com a try. It's not a dating site..it's about "finding like-minded people" (approx 50% of which are women). It's very common to have many friends, but most/all of those friends aren't interested in some activity you like to do. Finding people that do enjoy your interest is the problem that MU solves.

Being bogleheadish is a lifestyle choice as are healthy interests beyond rampant consumption...for consumption sake. The nice thing about MeetUp is you can search for local groups full of people with interests like your own. Attend an event and you'll meet people in a non-date atmosphere..it's not about dating..it's about whatever activity the event is about. Social interaction is a by-product. You'll do something (go hiking, kayaking..etc..), have more than a few laughs, meet interesting people from all walks of life and corners of the world, and everyone goes home when they choose. No pressure, no expectations, just a fun outing, an activity, and some conversation...and you may get some good exercise too. This is a positive-type of environment to meet someone. There are MeetUp groups for every interest imaginable. In the event you don't find what you like, start your own group..it's inexpensive.

p.s...with respect to 50% women, in my experience it's appreciably north of 50% (I run a group). Women tend to be more outgoing or joiners or social than men. They like to do things. Meetup groups/events gives them a safe environment to do things they like, but may not do alone..like cycling(bicycle), hiking, running, kayaking, camping..etc.. Example..I have a camping/hiking/kayaking/cycling event coming up in late July. Eighteen people signed up, of which are 11 women.
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VictoriaF
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by VictoriaF »

The529guy wrote:I have two recommendations, though YMMV:

First, try volunteer events as a place to meet more down-to-earth women. My theory is that people who are spending their limited time to do something for others are less likely to be spendthrifts. (Planning elaborate charity balls might be an exception.)

Second, I agree with the previous advice against presenting your financial attitudes by laying out your goals so bluntly. Next time you find yourself in that situation, drop some more subtle hints along the way and gauge the reactions.

My aunt always said you shouldn't propose if you don't already know the answer. Similarly, you should be able to get a pretty good idea of someone's financial attitudes without having a formal discussion, in my opinion.

Some examples:

You: I read an article today that says that the average American has $X,XXX of credit card debt. Those credit card company's interest rates are crazy!
Ladyfriend 1: I know, right? You gotta pay off the bill every month, or else it's a huge ripoff.
Ladyfriend 2: Well, everything is so expensive! The minimum payment is no big deal.

You: I wish my company's 401k plan had better options. Too many of the choices have super high fees.
Ladyfriend 1: Yeah, but at least it's an easy way to automatically save.
Ladyfriend 2: I don't know why anyone would use a 401k. I don't want my money where I can't use it if I need it.
I would do it even more subtly, using some modifications to your script as follows:

You: A week ago I was traveling, got stuck for an extra day at a customer meeting, and accidentally missed my credit card payment. Now, I have to pay $20 in charges, which is very annoying.
Ladyfriend 1: I know, right? You gotta pay off the bill every month, or else it's a huge ripoff.
Ladyfriend 2: Well, everything is so expensive! The minimum payment is no big deal.

You: I was not able to meet with you on Tuesday, because our company held a meeting about our 401(k). I wish my company's 401k plan had better options. Too many of the choices have super high fees.
Ladyfriend 1: Yeah, but at least it's an easy way to automatically save.
Ladyfriend 2: I don't know why anyone would use a 401k. I don't want my money where I can't use it if I need it.

Victoria
Inventor of the Bogleheads Secret Handshake | Winner of the 2015 Boglehead Contest. | Every joke has a bit of a joke. ... The rest is the truth. (Marat F)
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by itstoomuch »

Up north, it's called "Seattle Freeze"
I tell son, "Stop looking for someone perfect".
He replies, "Look how often you and mom argue. You barely hold a conversation for more than 10 secs, and that's after 40 years."
I look at him again, "OK, you're right. Look for MS perfect :oops: :P :annoyed
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by Lynette »

an_asker wrote: In reply to Lynette, I am one of the Bogleheads who dreams of early retirement. Maybe when you see how my situation is different from yours, you'll understand why. Just like you, I wish to travel. Unfortunately, with vacation limited to two weeks at a stretch, there is not much travelling that I (we) can do and still enjoy the vacation. Practically every trip we've taken the last three-four years, I've had folks replying "You cannot go THERE for such a short time!" - from what you write, your job allowed you enough time for you to travel four-five times a year and still have a good trip. In this aspect, for sure, I would assume a majority of the bogleheads are like me than you!
Actually my situation was not different. I was quite comfortable going to visit a cities such as London, Barcelona, Rome or Naples by myself. So I would take a week's vacation. I would probably get a flight on a Friday evening and return on the Sunday evening. This meant ten days in London. Of course, the flights are long but I tried to go on direct flights. Two weeks is sufficient to go to Asia. I've been to Cambodia, Thailand, China, etc. etc. Later on in my last job, I had five weeks vacation but from a work standpoint it was difficult to take more than two consecutive weeks vacation. It is all in the planning.

Happy travels.

Lynette
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by The529guy »

KlangFool wrote:I do not get it. Why is it so hard? Or, this is an age or cultural thing? After 30+, people go straight into a date and say they are looking for someone to marry to. The conversation goes straight into whether you want kids and how many. Whether the spouse prefers to stay at home or continue working after the kids.

...

I watched a Japanese movie. They would start a date and say that I am on this date to look for someone to marry to. This is not awkward and a very natural thing to do in some culture.
To echo others, the US isn't Japan. Turning a first date into a marriage interview doesn't sound very fun. Unless someone is super religious or from an immigrant community where this is normal, I would not recommend this for a 30-something in the Bay Area.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by GoldenFinch »

denovo wrote:
GoldenFinch wrote:Although some people are clearly financially irresponsible, there is a period in ones life between schooling (college/grad school) and marriage where a little living and indulgence and, possibly, even financial mistakes are experienced. I don't think I would write an otherwise wonderful person off for being in an "on the job learning" part of their life. If you are responsible about money you have a lot of value to offer a prospective marriage partner. Many young people are not focusing on retirement yet.
I got to disagree a bit. I think the people OP was talking about in his post have fundamentally different approaches to their lifestyles, financially speaking. It's not a matter of one-off "mistakes". I don't think OP should gloss over it and assume people will change. It may be accurate for mutual funds as the disclaimer famously says that "Past Performance is not indicative of future returns" I find that it tends to be true for people although there are exceptions.

Oh, and in before the lock. :happy
I agree that there are definitely financial red flags to look out for that Bogleheads have discussed at length in many other threads. However, speaking as a former financially not so smart person, I would argue that people can be reformed. :happy Sometimes it's just financial education that's missing. But yes, clearly, there can be major lifestyle issues regarding money that will ruin a relationship. If finances are a major interest to the OP, then seeking a like minded person makes the most sense.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by mhalley »

Just saw this and thought of this thread. This is what could happen to op if he gives up the search for a boglehead mate.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AAkDnmDOeA0
Last edited by mhalley on Mon Jun 26, 2017 1:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by gwrvmd »

I don't think a dating group would help. I have been involved with AAII (Am Assn of Individual Investors) chapters for 25+ years. North Jersey Chapter for 15 years and now Coastal Carolina Chapter for 12 years.
I could count the number of people under 40 on one hand, under 50 on 2 hands.
The Coastal Carolina Chapter has no one under 60.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by Meg77 »

I feel for you, but I also think it's important to realize that most individuals grow together as a couple and tend to meet toward the middle when it comes to habits and preferences. I don't mean to imply that women will change themselves to be with you (although many do tend to do this even unconsciously), but I am saying that it is somewhat unfair to assume that the person you encounter on date #3 is fully formed and will not change much.

Putting money aside, I will give you an example from many 30-something friends I've observed (for context, I'm a married female in my 30s). Many single people go out frequently and drink a lot and may be deemed "not ready to settle down" or "not the marrying type" as a result. However I've seen many of those same people immediately abandon those habits as soon as they find a partner. Lots of people don't want to get dolled up and hit the clubs - or the charity circuit, as the case may be - every weekend, and they may long for the days they can curl up on the couch with a partner instead. However they feel forced to "put themselves out there" and not sit home alone.

Financial habits can be considered in the same light. Single women in their 30s are frequently demoralized and exhausted after nearly 20 years of dating (and/or after a divorce or major breakup). They may be perfectly happy to fully fund retirement accounts and 529 plans in an alternate universe that they don't entirely believe will ever come to pass. But their experience (and modern feminist theory in some ways) requires them to assume that they may never find a long term partner, that they can create a great life without one, and that it may not include "traditional" things like homeownership, motherhood and retirement. Whether they truly want those things or not, many single women who spend big bucks on girlfriend getaways, exotic yoga retreats, designer clothing and other status symbols, and regular expensive happy hours with friends because - well, what else is there to do?

I know this is getting really long, but my one piece of advice to you would be to reframe your financial habits when the topic comes up. There is nothing more appealing than a partner who has their financial act together, but nobody wants to feel judged or inadequate either. When it comes up, don't say you want to save as much as possible so you can quit as early as possible. Say that you enjoy a comfortable lifestyle but prioritize saving now because you currently don't need much and you want to have as many options as possible in the future. Framing it in terms of OPTIONS makes room for the other person in your future vision. A vision in which both of you may be able to enjoy financial freedom and define whatever that means together.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by VictoriaF »

Meg77 wrote:But their experience (and modern feminist theory in some ways) requires them to assume that they may never find a long term partner, that they can create a great life without one, and that it may not include "traditional" things like homeownership, motherhood and retirement. Whether they truly want those things or not, many single women who spend big bucks on girlfriend getaways, exotic yoga retreats, designer clothing and other status symbols, and regular expensive happy hours with friends because - well, what else is there to do?
This approach to life seems self-contradictory. If a woman is not planning to get married, have children, and own a home, isn't it even more appropriate to save money? What's a point in wasting money on designer clothing and status symbols if one is not looking to attract a mate?

Victoria
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by JaneyLH »

pascal wrote:I don't think there is a good answer really. If there was such the market would have already swept in (Where have I seen this logic? 8-) )

I was going to suggest meetups that go hiking/camping (Sierra). But that is not fool-proof or a place of high success. But you probably will have fun while trying it out!
.
Almost exactly how I found my wonderful husband! After an unexpected divorce (he had a midlife crisis) and tiring of the Silicon Valley, I relocated to the Tahoe area. Fortunately, I had a job that I transitioned to telecommuting and was able to buy a home for cash. Still had to use Match.com to meet people and had a lot of first dates. Finally met a quality person who had a similarly conservative financial philosophy. He had also been ditched by his first spouse, and did some amazing things to not only keep his home but also pay off both first and second mortgages. Took in roommates, drove a 20-year-old car, painted houses in his spare time... I was incredibly impressed. He also had built up a respectable sum in his federal retirement account and was on track to retire at 55.

We both love hiking, camping, skiing, and just generally being in the outdoors.

Of course the shared interests and the romantic "spark" drew us together, but a shared set of financial values was incredibly important -- especially as I had an investment portfolio of nearly $2 M at the time. Our meals out were often inexpensive but good casino buffets or using 2 for 1 coupons. I grew up poor and financial security was always important to me. Like you, I wasn't cheap but I didn't believe in a charge-card lifestyle.

We dated for a year then were engaged for another year before we got married. Now, 10 years later, we have never had any disagreement over finances and the portfolio is over $3 M. Both of us have had to learn to be more extravagant now and are having a lot of fun retraining ourselves!

I hated the extravagant spending of my Silicon Valley friends -- often it seemed that their primary interests in life were shopping and going out to dinner! You probably don't have to relocate, but I would seek out places to meet new people that are involved with interests you share. Or try the dating site approach but make it clear what your long term goals are and emphasize that free spenders with credit card debt are not the kind of person you find attractive. Or maybe you should think about relocation. People who live in Boulder Colorado, even those in technology jobs, tend to be less self-absorbed than Silicon Valley types.

Good luck to you, and don't settle. A divorce will really set you back and you don't need that kind of trouble!
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by Toadandfriends »

Hello!
Have you asked a few friends to read your dating profile and give you feedback? So many men include statements like "I enjoy a successful career, I enjoy a comfortable income" and other money oriented descriptions on their profiles. I am frugal and I find those statements unappealing - make sure your profile communicates your true priorities. Under "interests" or "other" I would include statements like "I am interested in saving for the future and living a simple life" or list interests that include free and inexpensive activities. You could even include a statement like "I focus on responsibility and frugality in my financial life" Or, you could describe your ideal date as a walk in the park and stopping for ice cream. If you include statements about your frugal priorities you are more likely to attract dates who are open to your lifestyle choices. I wouldn't include anything related to finances under a "What am I looking for in a partner" section. Be open and understanding in that section and stick to important character traits - but in the rest of your profile be sure to include your financial values and let your potential dates self-select. Make sure your photos don't include expensive material objects. And, if you haven't tried it yet - consider meeting people who live 2-3 hours away.
Good luck!!!
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by The529guy »

VictoriaF wrote:
Meg77 wrote:But their experience (and modern feminist theory in some ways) requires them to assume that they may never find a long term partner, that they can create a great life without one, and that it may not include "traditional" things like homeownership, motherhood and retirement. Whether they truly want those things or not, many single women who spend big bucks on girlfriend getaways, exotic yoga retreats, designer clothing and other status symbols, and regular expensive happy hours with friends because - well, what else is there to do?
This approach to life seems self-contradictory. If a woman is not planning to get married, have children, and own a home, isn't it even more appropriate to save money? What's a point in wasting money on designer clothing and status symbols if one is not looking to attract a mate?

Victoria
I partially agree with VictoriaF. I totally get planning for a future without homeownership and motherhood. However, who thinks to themselves, "I may never find a long-term partner, so I guess I shouldn't plan for retirement"? If anything, it should be, "I may never find a long-term partner, so I guess I'd better plan for my own retirement."
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by deanmoriarty »

Once again thank you all for these high quality replies, it's so nice to hear other people's perspectives, especially when most folks in this forum embrace my same financial values.

I admit if I relocated outside this area I would very likely meet people and potential partners who share my values, however, as you might imagine, job opportunities for technology are simply much better here than anywhere else: even after considering the HCOL, if one is "relatively frugal", the spread between income and cost of living is still higher than anywhere else basically. And that's without even counting the satisfaction of working on the very bleeding edge of the industry, which is something I'm passionate about.

At the same time, I don't want to put my life on hold just to be able to save $50k more a year and have "more fun" at work..
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by nedsaid »

VictoriaF wrote:
an_asker wrote:One of these days, I need to learn from you how to milk my accent properly. Even though I've now been in the USA for a "majority" of my life, I "own" my accent, and it has not really helped.
Today is the day! Take comedy classes where you live. I started out by taking improv comedy mostly for fun, not planning to perform. But my Level-2 improv class involved a public performance, and I went for it. Once I had the taste of the limelight I wanted more of it. I took several more Level-2 improv classes, because in my club Level-1 and Level-3 do not include a public performance, and Level-4 is too advanced for me.

Then my club was offering a standup class, which was brilliant. Not only I had a successful graduation performance, but in preparation to it I had to go to several open mics in clubs in D.C., Virginia and Maryland. Who would have thought that retirement is the time for bar hopping?!

Then a friend from improv has influenced me to take storytelling classes. Right now, I am taking two of them in parallel; both will culminate in club performances. The topic of my stories is related to my emigration/immigration and so milking my accent is highly appropriate.

Victoria
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by GoldenFinch »

gwrvmd wrote:I don't think a dating group would help. I have been involved with AAII (Am Assn of Individual Investors) chapters for 25+ years. North Jersey Chapter for 15 years and now Coastal Carolina Chapter for 12 years.
I could count the number of people under 40 on one hand, under 50 on 2 hands.
The Coastal Carolina Chapter has no one under 60.
In general, personal financial literacy comes after menopause and Viagra.......Gordon
Ha ha! Financial literacy, no. Hanging out at financial chapter events, possibly.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by Meg77 »

The529guy wrote:
VictoriaF wrote:
Meg77 wrote:But their experience (and modern feminist theory in some ways) requires them to assume that they may never find a long term partner, that they can create a great life without one, and that it may not include "traditional" things like homeownership, motherhood and retirement. Whether they truly want those things or not, many single women who spend big bucks on girlfriend getaways, exotic yoga retreats, designer clothing and other status symbols, and regular expensive happy hours with friends because - well, what else is there to do?
This approach to life seems self-contradictory. If a woman is not planning to get married, have children, and own a home, isn't it even more appropriate to save money? What's a point in wasting money on designer clothing and status symbols if one is not looking to attract a mate?

Victoria
I partially agree with VictoriaF. I totally get planning for a future without homeownership and motherhood. However, who thinks to themselves, "I may never find a long-term partner, so I guess I shouldn't plan for retirement"? If anything, it should be, "I may never find a long-term partner, so I guess I'd better plan for my own retirement."
I'm not saying women (and men) with this mindset don't save at all or get the value of planning for retirement - and I'm not saying it's the most rational or responsible outlook in any case. My main point is that a person's current habits may not be an indication of their willingness or ability to shift gears (financially and otherwise) if the prospect of a partner/husband/family presents itself. In other words, once there is something tangible to save FOR (and once one is not trying to attract a mate). I can see how it might be jarring for a non-Boglehead to encounter a guy on a date who claims to be wanting to save money above all else so he can drop out of the working world ASAP. That could come across negatively depending on the delivery.

And for the record I don't think most women buy designer clothes and accessories to attract a mate. To impress one another perhaps, or to mark a milestone (bonus or promotion or breakup). In my single days I was conscious of the fact that many financially-conscious men are put off by such items, and I kept them largely hidden until it was appropriate to reveal some financial details that indicated I was quite capable of paying for them and then some. Once I married my spending on such items did drop precipitously though as it turned out. Now I splurge on things for the house and hardly spend much at all on social attire (and also much less than I used to on things like hair and makeup). Funny how things change!
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by nedsaid »

Interesting how a forum dedicated to personal finance and investing covers relationship issues, discussion of stand up comedy and foreign accents, and the dating scene. It is part of what makes this forum so interesting.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by BW1985 »

Meg77 wrote:I feel for you, but I also think it's important to realize that most individuals grow together as a couple and tend to meet toward the middle when it comes to habits and preferences. I don't mean to imply that women will change themselves to be with you (although many do tend to do this even unconsciously), but I am saying that it is somewhat unfair to assume that the person you encounter on date #3 is fully formed and will not change much.
This is a great point seemingly overlooked. I would look for someone with a flexible personality open to change more then looking for the perfect person.

When I met my wife in her late 20's she had a closet full of clothes still with the tags on them. Now 5 years later she rarely buys anything and when she does it's either clearance rack or from places like Target.

She asked to borrow $500 to help with a car purchase (she was broke). A few short years later she had $35K in savings.

People can grow. The important thing is that they have a personality that facilitates growth/change.
Chase the good life my whole life long, look back on my life and my life gone...where did I go wrong?
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by itstoomuch »

nedsaid, do you have a daughter? We have a fiscally and financially accomplished son in Seattle, homeower, will inherit. :mrgreen:
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by The Wizard »

nedsaid wrote:Interesting how a forum dedicated to personal finance and investing covers relationship issues, discussion of stand up comedy and foreign accents, and the dating scene. It is part of what makes this forum so interesting.
I agree. Fortunately the mods must all be having a good day...
:)
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by Elsebet »

nedsaid wrote:There are a lot of goofy stories out there about how people met.
Sure is. Back in 2002 I got a message in a video game I was playing called Anarchy Online. The person asked if I wanted to join his organization (similar to a guild in WoW). I didn't join, but we did hang out in game, then met in real life about six months later. Been married 13 years now.

He was not very financially responsible when we met, but I wasn't a paragon either even if I did heavily contribute to my 401k. We were in our late 20's and still learning. We're much better off now in our 40's.

As someone who lived in the Midwest and then moved to the PNW region late in life, I notice the financial values in this area (in general) are much different than I grew up with. Like another poster mentioned, dating in the big coastal cities is likely to have a lot of people who embrace the spendy culture. Maybe you should try to find a good Midwestern gal. :)
"...the man who adapts himself to his slender means and makes himself wealthy on a little sum, is the truly rich man..." ~Seneca
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by itstoomuch »

nedsaid, do you have a daughter? We have a fiscally and financially accomplished son in Seattle, homeower, will inherit. :mrgreen:
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by BW1985 »

itstoomuch wrote:nedsaid, do you have a daughter? We have a fiscally and financially accomplished son in Seattle, homeower, will inherit. :mrgreen:
Boglehead arranged marriages. lol
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by GoldenFinch »

I'm predicting "Topic exhausted. Locked." But nobody knows.....
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by sunny_socal »

Try a Church instead of the local bar :beer
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by nedsaid »

The Wizard wrote:
nedsaid wrote:Interesting how a forum dedicated to personal finance and investing covers relationship issues, discussion of stand up comedy and foreign accents, and the dating scene. It is part of what makes this forum so interesting.
I agree. Fortunately the mods must all be having a good day...
:)
Maybe the mods are looking for a significant other too. :wink: Probably reading the thread with great interest and taking notes. Besides, we ought to be allowed a bit of fun around here too. I actually enjoy these type of threads more than the typical finance and investment threads.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by nedsaid »

itstoomuch wrote:nedsaid, do you have a daughter? We have a fiscally and financially accomplished son in Seattle, homeower, will inherit. :mrgreen:
No daughter but I have a niece that is available. :wink: She has had problems with the dating scene, most guys her age just don't seem to have much ambition. In any case, she is working on a second Masters' Degree and wants to get a Doctorate.
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by BogleAlltheWay »

Meg77 wrote:
The529guy wrote:
VictoriaF wrote:
Meg77 wrote:But their experience (and modern feminist theory in some ways) requires them to assume that they may never find a long term partner, that they can create a great life without one, and that it may not include "traditional" things like homeownership, motherhood and retirement. Whether they truly want those things or not, many single women who spend big bucks on girlfriend getaways, exotic yoga retreats, designer clothing and other status symbols, and regular expensive happy hours with friends because - well, what else is there to do?
This approach to life seems self-contradictory. If a woman is not planning to get married, have children, and own a home, isn't it even more appropriate to save money? What's a point in wasting money on designer clothing and status symbols if one is not looking to attract a mate?

Victoria
I partially agree with VictoriaF. I totally get planning for a future without homeownership and motherhood. However, who thinks to themselves, "I may never find a long-term partner, so I guess I shouldn't plan for retirement"? If anything, it should be, "I may never find a long-term partner, so I guess I'd better plan for my own retirement."
I'm not saying women (and men) with this mindset don't save at all or get the value of planning for retirement - and I'm not saying it's the most rational or responsible outlook in any case. My main point is that a person's current habits may not be an indication of their willingness or ability to shift gears (financially and otherwise) if the prospect of a partner/husband/family presents itself. In other words, once there is something tangible to save FOR (and once one is not trying to attract a mate). I can see how it might be jarring for a non-Boglehead to encounter a guy on a date who claims to be wanting to save money above all else so he can drop out of the working world ASAP. That could come across negatively depending on the delivery.

And for the record I don't think most women buy designer clothes and accessories to attract a mate. To impress one another perhaps, or to mark a milestone (bonus or promotion or breakup). In my single days I was conscious of the fact that many financially-conscious men are put off by such items, and I kept them largely hidden until it was appropriate to reveal some financial details that indicated I was quite capable of paying for them and then some. Once I married my spending on such items did drop precipitously though as it turned out. Now I splurge on things for the house and hardly spend much at all on social attire (and also much less than I used to on things like hair and makeup). Funny how things change!
I agree with @Meg77's main point. To add to it, most people who are young and not married don't have saving for retirement as a high priority. Retirement is 30+ years away. There is little finance taught in schools. The majority of people know way less about saving for retirement than they need to. Many people believe in carpe diem. On top of that, not everyone everyone thinks logically.
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The529guy
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by The529guy »

nedsaid wrote:
The Wizard wrote:
nedsaid wrote:Interesting how a forum dedicated to personal finance and investing covers relationship issues, discussion of stand up comedy and foreign accents, and the dating scene. It is part of what makes this forum so interesting.
I agree. Fortunately the mods must all be having a good day...
:)
Maybe the mods are looking for a significant other too. :wink: Probably reading the thread with great interest and taking notes. Besides, we ought to be allowed a bit of fun around here too. I actually enjoy these type of threads more than the typical finance and investment threads.
Totally actionable thread.
4nwestsaylng
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by 4nwestsaylng »

I agree with Researcher's comments, bringing up your goals of "financial freedom" is just a turn off and inappropriate until you are maybe going to get engaged. Don't be ashamed of your spending lifestyle, if you like modest restaurants, drive an older car, etc., that is how your date needs to see you, you don't need to talk money, if she doesn't like it she will move on. On the other hand don't be a miser. It is just nerdy to talk boglehead stuff on a date, she may actually have more money than you, she just doesn't talk money on dates. Most people don't, they are trying to get to know the other person.

I had one good friend, a wealthy professional, used to impress his dates with his mansion, his multiple M class BMWs, etc., mainly because he did not want to do the work to actually become more likable to the right women. The result was multiple goldiggers, none of the relationships worked out. I advised him to rent a nice apartment, rent out his mansion, drive the BMW sedan or maybe a Passat, garage the sports cars, and just present himself differently. Of course he didn't listen, still trying the old ways, nothing working.
KlangFool
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by KlangFool »

BogleAlltheWay wrote:
I agree with @Meg77's main point. To add to it, most people who are young and not married don't have saving for retirement as a high priority. Retirement is 30+ years away. There is little finance taught in schools. The majority of people know way less about saving for retirement than they need to. Many people believe in carpe diem. On top of that, not everyone everyone thinks logically.
BogleAlltheWay,

The goal is not to marry the majority of people. So, by statistic, look for Russian, Scotish, and Hungarian. Or, looks for immigrants from the countries with the gross saving rate of 30+% or higher.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/st ... xtdoor.htm

<< WINNING ANCESTRY GROUPS

If the English ancestry group does not have the highest concentration of millionaire households, then which group does? The Russian ancestry group ranks first, the Scottish ranks second, and the Hungarian ranks third. Although the Russian ancestry group accounts for only about 1.1 percent of all households in America, it accounts for 6.4 percent of all millionaire households. We estimate that approximately 22 of every 100 households headed by someone of Russian ancestry has a net worth of $1 million or more. This is in sharp contrast to the English ancestry group, in which only 7.71 in 100 of its members are in the millionaire league. How much wealth does this Russian American millionaire group have in total? We estimate approximately $1.1 trillion, or nearly 5 percent of all the personal wealth in America today!>>

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Last edited by KlangFool on Mon Jun 26, 2017 4:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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GoldenFinch
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Re: Where to find a financially like-minded significant other?

Post by GoldenFinch »

The529guy wrote:
nedsaid wrote:
The Wizard wrote:
nedsaid wrote:Interesting how a forum dedicated to personal finance and investing covers relationship issues, discussion of stand up comedy and foreign accents, and the dating scene. It is part of what makes this forum so interesting.
I agree. Fortunately the mods must all be having a good day...
:)
Maybe the mods are looking for a significant other too. :wink: Probably reading the thread with great interest and taking notes. Besides, we ought to be allowed a bit of fun around here too. I actually enjoy these type of threads more than the typical finance and investment threads.
Totally actionable thread.
Financial problems in a marriage are a leadinding cause of divorce so legitimately "actionable."
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