Require Access to School Records?

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gasdoc
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by gasdoc »

Sandi_k wrote:Gasdoc, I would not ask her to sign the form. I would say that you'd *like* to discuss her class schedule, since she's premed and you might know a bit about that to offer her. ;)

And then I would say that you *expect* to see the report cards at the end of the semester, for further discussion and optimization of her expanding experience and judgment, as she learns more about these sorts of decisions and trade-offs.

The overwhelming message here is that you TRUST her to make good choices, and that you are OPEN to any conversation that she initiates. But that as an "investor" in her college career, you'd like to see the bi-annual returns. :)
Sandi_k,
Thanks for the great advice

Gasdoc
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gasdoc
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

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Final Outcome: Thanks for all of the advice on this earlier post! Yesterday, DD returned from summer orientation. One of their responsibilities was to submit the authorization to give access to school records. We hadn't discussed this in a month or more. The last thing said was that i only expected to see her final grades each semester and she agreed. When she returned form summer orientation, and I saw on the itinerary that the form was to be submitted, I asked her what she decided to do. She responded that she gave authorization for me to see her grades and to see and pay the bills.

Now, I guess I have to be grown up and not take advantage of the access....

gasdoc
Toadandfriends
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by Toadandfriends »

Starting college is very stressful. I see so much extreme anxiety in college freshmen- especially the girls. Please don't focus on grades. Instead, encourage your daughter to exercise every day, sleep, build a social support network, and ask her teachers for extra help. Freshmen are hesitant to go to office hours- instead of asking about grades ask her if she has been to office hours and asked her teacher a question! I am worried about our young people. More and more students are on anxiety meds and unable to cope. The hard workers/ worriers are most likely to struggle. -- college prof
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gasdoc
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by gasdoc »

Toadandfriends wrote:Starting college is very stressful. I see so much extreme anxiety in college freshmen- especially the girls. Please don't focus on grades. Instead, encourage your daughter to exercise every day, sleep, build a social support network, and ask her teachers for extra help. Freshmen are hesitant to go to office hours- instead of asking about grades ask her if she has been to office hours and asked her teacher a question! I am worried about our young people. More and more students are on anxiety meds and unable to cope. The hard workers/ worriers are most likely to struggle. -- college prof
Toadandfriends,
Thanks for the advice. I hope that her experience in a college prep high school has taught her to do those things and has prepared her for the stress.

gasdoc
dbr
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by dbr »

Neither my parents, nor I, nor my children would have ever dreamed that a parent had any business knowing a child's grades in college unless they wanted to share. On the other hand trust has always been there that if there were a problem we would work together to address it.

Also, please don't add "trust, but verify."
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TomatoTomahto
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

It's not a major consideration, but in order to get a "good student" discount on the car insurance, we have to submit report cards/transcripts annually. We also certify that the cars are not at school, since their schools are > 100 miles from home.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
Mudpuppy
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by Mudpuppy »

gasdoc wrote:Final Outcome: Thanks for all of the advice on this earlier post! Yesterday, DD returned from summer orientation. One of their responsibilities was to submit the authorization to give access to school records. We hadn't discussed this in a month or more. The last thing said was that i only expected to see her final grades each semester and she agreed. When she returned form summer orientation, and I saw on the itinerary that the form was to be submitted, I asked her what she decided to do. She responded that she gave authorization for me to see her grades and to see and pay the bills.

Now, I guess I have to be grown up and not take advantage of the access....
Just think about what a good example you are setting for her by sticking to your agreement (see grades at end of term and pay bills) any time you are tempted to "check in" by checking her grades on the website. You're both showing that you are a person of your word and, more importantly, that you trust her to be responsible with her education. Expecting responsible behavior then giving the freedom to thrive or fail (and learn from failure) is a far better way to create a responsible adult than constantly intervening before they even have the opportunity to see the consequences of their decisions.
afan
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by afan »

It is clearly a matter of your relationship with your offspring. If they will only share information with you when forced to do so, then the game is over.

How do you plan to force them to invite you to their weddings?

Our kids talked with us with more or less regularity depending on what was going on. Sometimes they called when there were problems and sometimes they did not. Sometimes we would have offered advice that might have been useful had we known about an issue. Figuring out when to call on your support structure is part of growing up. As a parent one misses those days when we could solve all problems by picking up the toddlers and drying their tears.

College students are not toddlers. They are very young adults. Like it or not, they have to make their own decisions. Like it or not, you will disagree with some of them. Face it, we are old, they are young. For many of their challenges they know far more about the options and implications they we do.

If you got their transcript and did not like the grades or choice of courses, then what? FORCE them to get straight A's? How? Getting straight A's is hard. At a good college very few people manage it. I think I saw an article in my alma mater newspaper about someone who had graduated with a perfect 4.0 GPA and how long it had been since the last time anyone had done that.

If you knew their GPA would you even know whether that was good or bad? If you saw a professor informally and asked how your kids were doing they would not answer. Do you think the professors look up and memorize the list of people whom the kids have authorized to see their records?

College is different than high school.

Our kids are now out, working and supporting themselves. We have no leverage to force them to do anything. But they communicate with us regularly and sometimes ask for advice as they encounter new grown up questions. If we are lucky, they will be adults, close family members and friends of ours for longer than they were children living at home.
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annielouise
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by annielouise »

As far as I know, I had no access at his first college. The only contact I got from them was requests for donations. (Full scholarship, so I didn't need financial access.) He always told us how he was doing, just like he did throughout public school.

I had accounts at the next two colleges to pay tuition. If these accounts gave me access to grades or professors, I never tried or would have tried to use it. Again, he let us know how he was doing. At the last college, he lived with us, and he would sometimes get annoyed because I couldn't remember his schedule or what classes he was taking or that he had a test that day.

I am about the complete opposite of a helicopter parent. Even back in elementary school if he had a problem, I would suggest that he schedule a meeting with the teacher or principal. I never checked his homework. Once a teacher saw me when I was volunteering and told me how great his essay was, but "of course, you have read it." I had not. In high school, my sister would hassle me because I couldn't tell her where he was or which group he was with (in my defense, he belonged to a lot of groups that traveled to events and competitions).

Obviously, my advice would be to let your daughter be an adult and tell you how she is doing.
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munemaker
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by munemaker »

dbr wrote:Neither my parents, nor I, nor my children would have ever dreamed that a parent had any business knowing a child's grades in college unless they wanted to share.
If you are footing the bill, it becomes your "business." If the student is funding college himself (work, scholarships, loans, whatever), then I agree it is not your business.
arsenalfan
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by arsenalfan »

I recommend Carol Dweck's Mindset as a great book for most parents and some anesthesiologists to read. It was the rage in higher ed circles a decade or so ago, but is still wonderfully relevant today.
It gets you focused on the process rather than final product, and building a resilient curious minset.
As an anesthesiologist who is very focused on outcomes (e.g. do, or not do, there is no try, especially when it comes to intubations, codes, procedures) - it is very paradigm shifting.
It may sound frou-frou, and obviously grades/scores/etc matter - but sometimes the process behind the product is more important.
While the horse may be out of the barn as she's launched to college, it may be pertinent still.
I found it to be a great quick read.
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F150HD
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by F150HD »

I'm trying to suggest something...The fact that you would even mention not only checking the grades, but conferences with teachers IN COLLEGE suggests to me that maybe to your daughter you have gone way past some line in her mind.
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Meaty
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

Post by Meaty »

gasdoc wrote:Hey, all,
Apparently, federal law prevents a college or university from releasing school grades and other information to parents unless the child signs a special authorization form. DD, who is reasonably responsible, is not at this time sure if she wants to sign the form allowing us, the parents, access to grades and discussions with teachers. Probably part of this is my own fault for watching her grades, etc, via her high school website so closely. DD continues to be financially supported by us as she attends school full time, starting this fall. Should she decide she is too much an adult to have to have grades and other info shared with the parents, should we press this issue? I have heard stories of kids flunking out of school early in the semester, but not telling the parents until the end of the year. What have other parents on the Boglehead forum done in this situation? Did you press the issue and force your student to sign the papers authorizing access? Did you threaten to withhold financial support? Or is it OK not to have access to the school records? In the stone age when I was in school, there was no such thing as online access, and in college, my parents knew only what I told them about how I was doing. What do you think?

gasdoc
If you're paying, you have a right to see she is using YOUR investment wisely. I'd let her know your financial support is contingent on that form being signed.

If she is paying, then it's 100% her call if she wants to share her grades
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Re: Require Access to School Records?

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