How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

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luckybamboo
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How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by luckybamboo »

I manage all the personal finance tasks in the family and my spouse is not interested in knowing or managing anything. I have an impending surgery and feel that i need to document everything systematically in the event something happens to me. Has anybody faced a situation like this and do you have a template/document that can be used to document all the guidelines for a spouse who is out of touch ? Or can you suggest what are the most important things to cover in such a document.
Thanks for your help.
mouses
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by mouses »

Good luck on your surgery.

Here is what I have:

Copy of will and revocable living trust.

A document with a list of all financial institutions, account numbers, balances at the end of last year (not sure you need to do this now since I assume time is limited, but it will give your spouse an idea of the funds available). I would probably add in phone numbers for the institutions.

Copies of the last several income tax returns. I have these in a folder apiece with supporting documentation. federal and state.

List of friends to notify in the event of my death, including their email addresses or phone numbers.

directions for executor: stuff like a list of bills to be paid (utilities, phones, property tax, insurance(s), doctors' names), name of a good CPA knowledgeable about estates and trusts and taxes, name and contact info for your attorney if you have one.

Any insurance information. Don't overlook policies at work and I think Social Security has a small death benefit.

Anything about a funeral, location of grave site if already purchased or where one wants to be buried. I happen to have this since my Mom bought several when my Dad died. I wouldn't have thought of this otherwise, but it takes one thing off someone's back.

Any info about safe deposit boxes you may have plus location of keys, which cost a bundle to replace if they are lost.

Anything you want included in your obituary.

If you are the one responsible for any pets, anything your spouse needs to know about their care - vet contact info, meds, are they microchipped, what illnesses do they have.
livesoft
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by livesoft »

You will not like my answer because it won't help you before your surgery.

I force my spouse to do just a few family finance things to keep her in practice:

1. She has a different credit card of her own that I am not associated with and thus I make her pay that credit card bill herself.

2. To pay that bill, she had to sign up for online bill pay separate from my online bill pay even though we have a joint checking account.

3. In addition to her credit card bill, she is responsible for paying one other family bill -- in our case it's the phone bill.

I think this is sufficient for her to know about how online bill pay works and she has to at least look at the checking account and her credit card bill. Otherwise, the monthly tasks are not onerous. Furthermore, if I died, she could pick up where I left off I think.

It doesn't matter if she is not interested because if she doesn't pay her bills, then her credit rating would be trashed.
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mouses
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by mouses »

Of course, make sure your spouse knows where this documentation is.

If you are still working, name and phone number of your boss, as at least he or she will want to be kept up to date about how long you will be away from work.

livesoft's post reminds me that you should list any other debts and how they are paid (check, automatic, etc.) - mortgage, car loan, credit cards, etc.
ddunca1944
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by ddunca1944 »

Similar situation here. DH is happy to have me handle all the finances. He has no idea what the checking balance, the cc balance or even the retirement account balances.
Once a year, about the time I do our taxes, I insist on a sit down and I review everything with him.

I have a file labeled "If I get hit by a truck" in my desk. He knows it's there. One doc in the file is "how the bills are paid". It lists all income sources, amounts and dates the get deposited. It also lists all the auto payments, amounts and accounts that get debited.

I have a thumbdrive with all passwords on it hanging over the computer.

I believe I could be in a coma for months and things would go chugging along fir months.... :D
fittan
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by fittan »

luckybamboo wrote:I manage all the personal finance tasks in the family and my spouse is not interested in knowing or managing anything. I have an impending surgery and feel that i need to document everything systematically in the event something happens to me. Has anybody faced a situation like this and do you have a template/document that can be used to document all the guidelines for a spouse who is out of touch ? Or can you suggest what are the most important things to cover in such a document.
Thanks for your help.
I use a password manger called Lastpass.com (its free). You and wife just need to remember a common master password and she'll have access to EVERYTHING (e.g. 401K, ibonds, checking, savings, credit cards, utilities bill, insurance). Lastpass will record the website link, password, user name and even has a place for you add comments. So for example, I have a term life insurance from SBLI. In case I die, she can easily login to website, find out who the agent is, what is my policy number and coverage amount. Everything in one place, one password to remember.

In addition, I will have a simple spreadsheet that shows where all the assets and liabilities are. Between this "high level" spreadsheet and LastPass.com, spouse should be in good shape. Good luck with surgery.
livesoft
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by livesoft »

One more thing that our family has: We have a single family e-mail account that all of us read. That is the account that gets all e-mails from banks, brokerages, utilities, credit card companies, bill notifications, and other financial places. Each of us can see what these places are e-mailing us about.
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Ice-9
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by Ice-9 »

Similar to the OP, my wife hates discussing anything related to the finances. We have a "financial meeting" every other weekend or so, where she agrees not to complain about having to pay a couple of bills, and she logs in and pays some of them. We also log into the bank accounts/account aggregator and briefly review recent spending. A couple weeks ago, our financial meeting also included the recently completed tax return.

We also have a VeraCrypt container where we keep sensitive documents, for which she came up with her own password (no, it wasn't "ABCD..." :D ) which she also practices opening at our financial meetings. Included in the encrypted container is a document with some instructions I provided on what to do if something happens to me. (Which reminds me, the instructions are a few years old now and I should probably update a couple of things; thank you for the reminder.)
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Sandi_k
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by Sandi_k »

It's not just about keeping them informed - it's about documenting all the stuff you've collected in your brain.

Dave Ramsey calls it a "Legacy Drawer". I call it my "In case of death" file on my laptop's desktop.

Here's an online resource that might be of use:

https://lifehacker.com/5817021/in-case- ... mation-kit
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TomatoTomahto
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by TomatoTomahto »

Quicken has all account information.
All files, including Quicken, are backed up to cloud using CrashPlan.
Passwords to everything are stored using RoboForm.
Master password is known to DW, and is also in safe deposit box with instructions.
With credit cards and other accounts on autopay, system could probably run 6+ months without human intervention.

OP, I hope your surgery goes well, but understand that you could get hit by a truck at any time.
I get the FI part but not the RE part of FIRE.
RudyS
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by RudyS »

At 80 and 76, keeping spouse informed might not be enough. Fortunately, we have 2 intelligent and responsible adult kids. They know where our financial info (mostly hardcopy) is kept and could also help me or DW if either or both becomes incapacitated. They also have a copy of a letter of final instructions with, inter alia, lists of credit cards,financial institutions, etc. and there are POA, HCPOA, wills.
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celia
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by celia »

I "let" DH balance the family checking account once a year and write checks for the few expenses that are not paid automatically. (In January, I fill in the checkbook for the year except for amounts, starting each month on a different page and listing known incomes, then expenses in the same order each month. It is easy to see if something is not accounted for.) He also has his own checkbook and credit card for his own "discretionary expenses" that he is responsible for each month, but it doesn't have much activity in it.

I update an end-of-year spreadsheet showing the value of all our assets (next to previous year values), where they are located, and account numbers. Everything is grouped by taxable, tax-deferred, and Roth, with notes to spend down in the same order.

He knows where these things are kept, along with medical receipts, important papers, and the trust.

These are the two most important things (besides medical POA) to keep things moving, until someone sits down with him to look at a long range plan.
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celia
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by celia »

TomatoTomahto wrote:OP, I hope your surgery goes well, but understand that you could get hit by a truck at any time.
I have a relative who was working in a hospital when an ambulance brought in two people wearing hospital ID bracelets who had just been hit by cars. Where were they hit? Just outside another hospital where they had just been discharged, but then decided to jaywalk across a major street. The first hospital they were in did not have the surgeons they needed, so they had to be transported to a second hospital.
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Peter Foley
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by Peter Foley »

We have a "ways and means committee" meeting about once a quarter. Sometime late in each year I go over the strategies we will be using for the upcoming year (Roth conversion from which accounts, withdrawals from which accounts, charitable giving and gifting to children and grandchildren from which accounts). I keep fairly extensive detail on a couple spread sheets that are updated quarterly, and there are word docs that cover our 5 year withdrawal strategy plan and "if perchance the inevitable." She knows where paper copies of these key documents are kept, as does our daughter who lives locally. All paper documents show when they were last updated and have the computer file location printed as a footnote.
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BL
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by BL »

I have added to the Balance and holding page in the Other category, a quick recap of other investments and cash: Cash and CD with banks named, real estate, I-bonds, other funds. This gives a quick picture of our net worth which we have shown to our kids to let them know we will be fine. It is nothing fancy, but shows the big picture, and we print it out regularly.
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gasdoc
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by gasdoc »

I am in my 50's, and in good health, but...

1. Copies of insurance doc's, bank and investment account summaries, wills, powers of attorney, etc in a small safe.
2. Online copies of #1 in files labeled DH's documents, DW's documents, DD's documents- on the computer desk top.
3. Annual meeting to discuss strategies and retirement balances and spending patterns (Quicken).

gasdoc
bklyn96
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by bklyn96 »

I'll just add a note about one aspect of our "in case of an emergency" plan.

We have a joint Vanguard MMF equal to 1-1/4 year's of typical expenses linked to a joint account at our local bank. All our auto-pay and auto-deposit transactions go through the local bank account.

If I'm not available my spouse will get on the phone with Vanguard and transfer a year's worth of expected expenses to the local bank account. We think this will give her plenty of time to get organized for the future.
David Scubadiver
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by David Scubadiver »

Sign a healthcare proxy before you go under. No point worrying about dying if you forget about what to do if you are on life support.

I worry about my wife suddenly being responsible for managing a large investment portfolio. So I told her about the 80/20 portfolio and then opened up a brokerage account for her to manage. I don't know that managing thousands will get her comfortable managing millions, but I hope it will make her learned and cautious enough not to jump willy nilly to a financial advisor.
mouses
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by mouses »

gasdoc wrote:I am in my 50's, and in good health, but...

1. Copies of insurance doc's, bank and investment account summaries, wills, powers of attorney, etc in a small safe.
2. Online copies of #1 in files labeled DH's documents, DW's documents, DD's documents- on the computer desk top.
3. Annual meeting to discuss strategies and retirement balances and spending patterns (Quicken).

gasdoc
I got this organized when I was in my thirties and adopted a pet. I have long since gotten over being surprised that young people with kids have made no preparation whatsoever for something happening to one or both of them.
Capsu78
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by Capsu78 »

Doing an annual rebalance right now using my fee only CFP which my wife agreed was needed. I wrote up a 2 page "Our Glidepath to Retirement" word doc to provide to my CFP as well as a spreadsheet identifying the sequence of accounts we would distribute from.
I showed it to my wife and said "Let me know if anything I am saying here surprises you. She read it and said "No suprises, it's everything we have talked about..."
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kelway
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by kelway »

I keep a mint-based by-account net worth chart taped to the fridge. That's all she needs or wants.

But I've left careful instructions for her if I pass away, and after being forced to play back in black 5 times in a row at my funeral, she'll read them.
galectin
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by galectin »

My wife pays the bills and I handle the investments. I give her a spreadsheet with all our accounts and passwords every six months. So, if I would die suddenly, she has all the account information. I feel that I could handle the bills if she would go first. She has all the passwords in a notebook.

The only concern that I have is that I do the taxes and she has a visceral negative reaction to tax forms. I did her taxes before we were married. She would probably have to find a tax preparer in this case, even though they are pretty basic (standard deduction, no big investment income complications).
mouses
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by mouses »

galectin wrote: The only concern that I have is that I do the taxes and she has a visceral negative reaction to tax forms. I did her taxes before we were married. She would probably have to find a tax preparer in this case, even though they are pretty basic (standard deduction, no big investment income complications).
If they really are that simple, sit down with her and a completed form and go through it explaining what each line is for. It is much simpler to understand a completed form than to work through the details. If it will help her freaking out, a stiff drink first :-) Once she gets that familiar with it, than you can start showing her the details.
toptik
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by toptik »

ddunca1944 wrote:Similar situation here. DH is happy to have me handle all the finances. He has no idea what the checking balance, the cc balance or even the retirement account balances.
Once a year, about the time I do our taxes, I insist on a sit down and I review everything with him.

I have a file labeled "If I get hit by a truck" in my desk. He knows it's there. One doc in the file is "how the bills are paid". It lists all income sources, amounts and dates the get deposited. It also lists all the auto payments, amounts and accounts that get debited.

I have a thumbdrive with all passwords on it hanging over the computer.

I believe I could be in a coma for months and things would go chugging along fir months.... :D

I have a file labeled "If I get hit by a truck" in my desk. --- Awesome, I think I'll copy this idea, really need to get organised in that sense!
mouses
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by mouses »

kelway wrote:I keep a mint-based by-account net worth chart taped to the fridge. That's all she needs or wants.
Nice gift to some enterprising burglar.
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kelway
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by kelway »

mouses wrote:
kelway wrote:I keep a mint-based by-account net worth chart taped to the fridge. That's all she needs or wants.
Nice gift to some enterprising burglar.
Hahaha, well I see the point, but really what will they do with a list of account friendly names and sums? They'd have far more to go on by taking my plastic filing cabinet. I'm not really hoping for a burglar, but a house fire that destroys all but the fire-proof safe could be nice in fact.
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susa
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by susa »

We use email to send each other at random intervals updates on "Account such and such" and "Balance as of..." and it appears in Google Sheets format so easy to read and sum totals are provided for comparison to last report.

Each account has an identifier and we include the kids via CC.

For brokerage or Vanguard, we've signed Authorized Agent forms which allows anyone in the list to logon and not only visually see balances across all accounts for all persons but also to buy and sell in any persons account.
scooter
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by scooter »

My spouse doesn't have the interest as well so I have covered the basic survival steps to function on a daily basis for spending and income flow.

I have a detailed sheet showing:
insurance policy's and telephone numbers
company pension plans and telephone numbers
company death insurance policy
When RMDs are distributed and which vanguard accounts money goes into
many more important details of every stock and fund owned with telephone numbers.
List of Lawyer and important documents and locations

A revised copy is sent to my 2 adult sons each year who are financial savy and will guide her. It is important that someone else know this stuff in the event that both you and your wife die in an accident at the same time.

It is important to also update it annually and should done regardless of surgery or not.
jdb
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by jdb »

Vanguard has helped with this issue. Most of our financial investments are at Vanguard and for years I did transactions with our joint account in which wife was not involved at her choice. But about six months ago with change in Vanguard security systems we had them send text messages to both of our phones whenever I did any transactions in our joint account. It has worked out great, I now discuss with her either in advance or after the fact the reason for the transaction etc., tell her that I am taking away her innocent spouse defense. Good luck.
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luckybamboo
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by luckybamboo »

David Scubadiver wrote:Sign a healthcare proxy before you go under. No point worrying about dying if you forget about what to do if you are on life support.
does healthcare proxy (living will) need to be drafted by a lawyer or notarized ?
David Scubadiver
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by David Scubadiver »

luckybamboo wrote:
David Scubadiver wrote:Sign a healthcare proxy before you go under. No point worrying about dying if you forget about what to do if you are on life support.
does healthcare proxy (living will) need to be drafted by a lawyer or notarized ?
My suggestion is to go to your hospital website and see if they have a form for you to fill out. It will have the necessary instructions.
Daryl
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by Daryl »

susa wrote:We use email to send each other at random intervals updates on "Account such and such" and "Balance as of..." and it appears in Google Sheets format so easy to read and sum totals are provided for comparison to last report.

Each account has an identifier and we include the kids via CC.

For brokerage or Vanguard, we've signed Authorized Agent forms which allows anyone in the list to logon and not only visually see balances across all accounts for all persons but also to buy and sell in any persons account.
This type of radical transparency is phenomenal! I love it! I'm sure your children will also appreciate it, as they will have a better understanding how they can assist you as everyone ages. It also provides your children with an example for how they can manage their money. Out of curiosity, is your family net worth such that it could impact the values / work ethic of the next generation?

My parents have taken the opposite approach, and assured my brothers and I that we have "enough", but I couldn't guess my parent's net worth to within a half million dollars, and they couldn't guess mine within a quarter million dollars.
obgraham
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by obgraham »

I have a file labeled "If I get hit by a truck" in my desk
I do similar, but different. A notebook, printed out, with sections for everything -- accounts, passwords, insurance, and a guide to my computer, since everything is stored there. Updated and reprinted every 6 months.
If I croak tomorrow, DW knows where to look.
If we both croak tomorrow, kids know we have such a book, and won't miss it because it is marked "financial information".

If someone breaks in and steals it, I'm up the proverbial creek. Risks are part of life.
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Toons
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by Toons »

With Quicken :happy
"One does not accumulate but eliminate. It is not daily increase but daily decrease. The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity" –Bruce Lee
David Scubadiver
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by David Scubadiver »

obgraham wrote:
I have a file labeled "If I get hit by a truck" in my desk
I do similar, but different. A notebook, printed out, with sections for everything -- accounts, passwords, insurance, and a guide to my computer, since everything is stored there. Updated and reprinted every 6 months.
If I croak tomorrow, DW knows where to look.
If we both croak tomorrow, kids know we have such a book, and won't miss it because it is marked "financial information".

If someone breaks in and steals it, I'm up the proverbial creek. Risks are part of life.
I don't even trust my own computer, so if it is stolen it can't be used against me.
elnegativo
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by elnegativo »

About once every two years:

Wife: (somewhat accusatorily) Are you saving our money

Me: Yes.

Wife: Well, ok then.
daveydoo
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by daveydoo »

I think less is more. No one will get up to speed and run with all this stuff -- especially while grieving, etc. I have a single folder with a printout of a spreadsheet, and spouse knows where it is. We also have an inexpensive fee-only financial advisor with whom we meet every few years -- and who's also a trusted family friend -- and he knows where most of the pieces are and I know he'd help. And whenever the family travels internationally together, I give a trusted sibling a list of all our accounts and insurance policies and pensions, etc. (but without any dollar amounts).
"I mean, it's one banana, Michael...what could it cost? Ten dollars?"
BoglePablo
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by BoglePablo »

elnegativo wrote:About once every two years:

Wife: (somewhat accusatorily) Are you saving our money

Me: Yes.

Wife: Well, ok then.
Lol i laughed aloud at this

I have to remind my wife to nag me about $ she is oblivious
montanagirl
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Re: How do you keep spouse informed of family finances?

Post by montanagirl »

When my father learned he had to go into surgery ASAP he wrote a letter for his brother and left it in his file cabinet. He recovered and when I visited I found it easily. It had full directions on dad's trust and assets, who to call etc. I was glad because then I didn't have to ask him a a lot of what-ifs when he was feeling terrible anyway.
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