When (or whether) to have a second child

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The Planner
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When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by The Planner » Sat Sep 24, 2016 2:30 am

Hi All

This seems the best forum for this thread. The issue of whether to have a second child is, for me, a financial one. Emotionally, my wife and I would like to have a second and our relationship is very solid and generally excellent. If we had a lot of money, we would easily have four or five children, but as things stand, the most we would ever have is two. Here are the details:

- I'm 33; wifey is 34.
- We both live in the UAE, but I am from a small eurozone country and my wife is from SE Asia.
- I work for a large multi-national that is considered a great place to work (and it is)
- My wife is an accountant but quit her job when she had our baby to be a full-time mother (we preferred this option to daycare or getting a nanny).
- Our combined income was reduced by 25% when my wife quit her job, but we still take in 130k US per year tax free.
- We have excellent health cover provided by my employer
- When my child reaches 3 years of age my employer covers around 80% of all educational costs from ages 3-18 up to a maximum of three children (education here is private)
- We had our first baby 10 weeks ago.
- My job seems secure. We could probably stay in the UAE for another 5-10 years if we wanted to.
- Even with my wife unemployed, we still save 65% of our annual income and invest in diversified Vanguard ETFs (my employer does not provide a pension and there is no social insurance here)

So now, to have a second child or not? Our original plan was to have one child; after two years my wife would get a CMA and return to work.

Now we're considering a second and a whole host of issues come up:

1. When to have? If we have a second child within the next two years, my wife can basically forget about getting a CMA and she'll be out of the labor market for the next 5 years. Will she be able to get back into it?

2. If we stay in the middle east, we can afford it due to my highish salary and the excellent insurance provided by my employer. But we will be isolated from extended family and we would be depriving our kids of getting to really know their grandparents (i.e. my parents), who are lovely and would be very loving (the grandparents on my wife's side are deceased). (My country is small enough that no matter where you live, you would not be far away from extended family; one or two hours drive at most)

3. If we leave the UAE after, say, 5 or 6 years and move to my country, I predict we will have a net worth of around 700k USD - enough to buy a house for cash, have 100k as walking around money, and 250k for a pension, and of course I would have to continue to work. But:
- due to taxes etc my take-home income would be slashed to around 55k per annum
- a household needs two incomes to live comfortably in my country
- childcare is exorbitant and my wife might struggle to find work

On the pro-side of moving home, unlike the US, college is extremely affordable in my country (perhaps only 20k to get a good degree over 4 years)

So...that's my dilemma. This is really only an issue if we have a second child. We can afford the first one. I'm agonizing over this as I basically want to be able to give a good life to my children and at the same time I don't want to be financially stressed or under pressure. I don't really know what to do.
Last edited by The Planner on Sat Sep 24, 2016 8:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

StretchArmstrong
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by StretchArmstrong » Sat Sep 24, 2016 3:51 am

If I were you, I would add more items to your scoring rubric besides "financial". You should have at least 5 items, take a wholistic view of it. This isn't an easy question and it is something that only you can answer because it's so personal.

From a pure financial standpoint, the answer is no. Skip the kid and go with vanguard ;)

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market timer
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by market timer » Sat Sep 24, 2016 4:17 am

Flight time from UAE to Europe is not that long. I vote for staying where you are, having the second kid, and maybe try to negotiate more vacation time so you can travel with your kids to Europe several weeks a year.

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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by JWooden10 » Sat Sep 24, 2016 6:27 am

If I were you, I would add more items to your scoring rubric besides "financial". You should have at least 5 items, take a wholistic view of it. This isn't an easy question and it is something that only you can answer because it's so personal.
Congrats on the baby. :happy In addition to the above, your spouse's thoughts on the matter get lots of consideration. Sounds financially feasible either way, so even if SO has strong feelings and its primarily a financial decision for you, your SO has provided your answer. Also, if it has only been 10 weeks you should give it some time before establishing any positions in stone. Your perspective will change as the little one grows.

Erwin
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by Erwin » Sat Sep 24, 2016 7:34 am

if you ask, do not!
Erwin

Dandy
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by Dandy » Sat Sep 24, 2016 7:42 am

There seems to be a bit of over worry about the financial issues when you seem to be in much better shape than most. Kids are expensive no doubt. I think that most couples who want a second child usually find a way to make it work even those at the poverty level. So, that probably means you will be ok.

I have 2 and had the same issue as to whether to have another. We didn't and it probably was a good choice for us. The joys of having the second child will last a lifetime and it is nice for them to have a sibling not only when they are small but later on. I also am glad as we age that I have 2 children to be there for us if/when we need them down the road.

TRC
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by TRC » Sat Sep 24, 2016 7:44 am

Seeing our two children (ages 6 & 9) play together and the friendship they have formed is priceless.

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alec
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by alec » Sat Sep 24, 2016 8:04 am

I'd also get the opinion of your loving and supportive parents.

If you were my kid, I'd advise staying in the UAE, and I'd come visit... which of course you'd pay for. :twisted:
"It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it!" - Upton Sinclair

knowledge
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by knowledge » Sat Sep 24, 2016 8:42 am

You are 10 weeks into your first baby and you're wondering about having a second? When we were 10 weeks into our first, a second kid was the furthest thing from our mind, my guess is that we were worrying about sleep - the newborn's and ours.

Give it time. Circumstances change in two years, or two months, even. I will say this: there is never a right time, nor will you ever feel ready.

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unclescrooge
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by unclescrooge » Sat Sep 24, 2016 8:45 am

You should have another kid, preferably a two-three year gap between them. Don't be selfish, do it for your first child. The life of an only expat child is very lonely.

I grew up an only child to expat parents. We moved back "home" when I was nearly ten, and I struggled to fit in. It did happen, but I decided I was going to move out of the country as soon as I could. I took 12 years, but I happened.

Have your wife go to work and hire a nanny. Even it costs $40k a year. Then have another one if you want.

If you want your kids to end up living close by when you retire, then move back home by the time the eldest is eight or nine. Otherwise, they'll form zero attachment, and probably develop their own ideas of where they should go for college, and career. Also spend money on travel back home, and language classes so they learn your native language.

If you want them to strike their own path, then maximize your stay inn the UAE and stay as long as possible.

pindevil
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by pindevil » Sat Sep 24, 2016 10:27 am

There are plenty of things that are more important than finances. Family happens to one of those things. If you both want another kid then go for it!

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Lieutenant.Columbo
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by Lieutenant.Columbo » Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:23 pm

unclescrooge wrote:...I grew up an only child to expat parents. We moved back "home" when I was nearly ten, and I struggled to fit in. It did happen, but I decided I was going to move out of the country as soon as I could. I took 12 years, but I happened.
...
If you want your kids to end up living close by when you retire, then move back home by the time the eldest is eight or nine. Otherwise, they'll form zero attachment, and probably develop their own ideas of where they should go for college, and career
thank you for sharing your input, very interesting
would you please elaborate on why moving back "home" by the time child is 8 or 9? do you (did you) feel like had you moved by age 8 or 9 you might have fitted in?

I'm European expat, living in USA. Son is 10 months old. Our current plan is to move to my country of origin when son finishes Elementary School, for him to do Middle and High Schools over there. Them he'd decide where he'd like to go to University. I know, thinking too far ahead in time, but what's the harm?
Last edited by Lieutenant.Columbo on Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Lt. Columbo: Well, what do you know. Here I am talking with some of the smartest people in the world, and I didn't even notice!

soboggled
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by soboggled » Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:25 pm

OMG...

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StormShadow
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by StormShadow » Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:37 pm

The Planner wrote:Hi All

This seems the best forum for this thread. The issue of whether to have a second child is, for me, a financial one. Emotionally, my wife and I would like to have a second and our relationship is very solid and generally excellent. If we had a lot of money, we would easily have four or five children, but as things stand, the most we would ever have is two.

- We had our first baby 10 weeks ago.
My recommendation:

1. Ask your wife what she wants to do. How sure are you that she'd "easily have four or five children". I'm sure I'm ready to have at least 3 or 4 kids, and my wife frequently reminds me that she is sure we are having no more than 2.
2. Do what your wife wants to do.
3. Ignore the financial aspect of having kids. The answer will be: its a bad financial decision.

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David Jay
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by David Jay » Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:52 pm

I have seen too many "only" children who struggle in adulthood. There are many lessons to be learned if there is a sibling in the household, such as:

1. Life is not fair
2. You are not the center of the universe
3. Eventually you will be found out
4. How you treat others affects how they treat you
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future - Niels Bohr | To get the "risk premium", you really do have to take the risk - nisiprius

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Lieutenant.Columbo
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by Lieutenant.Columbo » Sat Sep 24, 2016 2:05 pm

David Jay wrote:I have seen too many "only" children who struggle in adulthood. There are many lessons to be learned if there is a sibling in the household, such as:

1. Life is not fair
2. You are not the center of the universe
3. Eventually you will be found out
4. How you treat others affects how they treat you
good points from the point of view of Child #1, but let's get philosophical here for a minute:
is it fair for Child #2 to have been conceived for the purpose of teaching those valuable lessons to #1?
is it a valid reasonable reason to conceive offspring?
Lt. Columbo: Well, what do you know. Here I am talking with some of the smartest people in the world, and I didn't even notice!

Lafder
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by Lafder » Sat Sep 24, 2016 2:26 pm

Here is my friend's advice "Keep having kids til you have one too many, then give one back. Oh, um too late........."

This is such a personal question with so many variables............there is no right answer. Plenty of non-only children/adults have issues, so it is not clear to me being an "only" is the cause of issues people attribute to that.

I agree with the sentiment of the above quote. I thought 2 or 3 til I had 2 and realized that was "enough" and overwhelming. Everyone has different limits to feeling done.

I knew/thought we wanted more than one, but we could not imagine it til #1 was almost a year old. To each their own.

The more kids you have the less $ for college for each etc.

Congrats on your baby!
Lafder

Loik098
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by Loik098 » Sat Sep 24, 2016 2:39 pm

knowledge wrote:You are 10 weeks into your first baby and you're wondering about having a second? When we were 10 weeks into our first, a second kid was the furthest thing from our mind, my guess is that we were worrying about sleep - the newborn's and ours.

Give it time. Circumstances change in two years, or two months, even. I will say this: there is never a right time, nor will you ever feel ready.
+1. Part of me smiles every time I hear newlywed couples mention they plan to have 3 or more children before they've even had one. I know you're not in this position, but regardless, you'll learn a lot about children and your capability/tolerance for having more during the first year(s) of your first child's life. I would argue that 10 weeks is too early to know you're ready, and support my argument by the fact that you're uncertain enough to have posted your thoughts about it here.

OTOH, the other consideration here is your wife's age. The longer you wait, the more potential you have for complications.

The Planner
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by The Planner » Sun Sep 25, 2016 3:18 am

knowledge wrote:You are 10 weeks into your first baby and you're wondering about having a second? When we were 10 weeks into our first, a second kid was the furthest thing from our mind, my guess is that we were worrying about sleep - the newborn's and ours.

Give it time. Circumstances change in two years, or two months, even. I will say this: there is never a right time, nor will you ever feel ready.
Hmm. It's on our mind as the OB advised us not to wait too long on account of my wife's age and a few other factors.

The Planner
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by The Planner » Sun Sep 25, 2016 3:19 am

Loik098 wrote:
knowledge wrote:You are 10 weeks into your first baby and you're wondering about having a second? When we were 10 weeks into our first, a second kid was the furthest thing from our mind, my guess is that we were worrying about sleep - the newborn's and ours.

Give it time. Circumstances change in two years, or two months, even. I will say this: there is never a right time, nor will you ever feel ready.
+1. Part of me smiles every time I hear newlywed couples mention they plan to have 3 or more children before they've even had one. I know you're not in this position, but regardless, you'll learn a lot about children and your capability/tolerance for having more during the first year(s) of your first child's life. I would argue that 10 weeks is too early to know you're ready, and support my argument by the fact that you're uncertain enough to have posted your thoughts about it here.

OTOH, the other consideration here is your wife's age. The longer you wait, the more potential you have for complications.
Noted. I guess we'll reappraise after one year.

I would be curious how Bogleheads in general approach this topic.

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unclescrooge
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by unclescrooge » Sun Sep 25, 2016 9:18 am

Lieutenant.Columbo wrote:
unclescrooge wrote:...I grew up an only child to expat parents. We moved back "home" when I was nearly ten, and I struggled to fit in. It did happen, but I decided I was going to move out of the country as soon as I could. I took 12 years, but I happened.
...
If you want your kids to end up living close by when you retire, then move back home by the time the eldest is eight or nine. Otherwise, they'll form zero attachment, and probably develop their own ideas of where they should go for college, and career
thank you for sharing your input, very interesting
would you please elaborate on why moving back "home" by the time child is 8 or 9? do you (did you) feel like had you moved by age 8 or 9 you might have fitted in?

I'm European expat, living in USA. Son is 10 months old. Our current plan is to move to my country of origin when son finishes Elementary School, for him to do Middle and High Schools over there. Them he'd decide where he'd like to go to University. I know, thinking too far ahead in time, but what's the harm?
I had friends and neighbors that moved from the US and England back home.

Those with kids over ten ended up moving back, as did nearly all the US returnees.

The sample size is very small, but I think it makes logical sense. It's easier to adapt to different cultures and education systems when you're younger.

I think it boils down to how different your home environment is from where you are moving from. I had a college buddy who lives in England for pay 20 years and recently transfered to San Francisco bay area. His daughter is ten and she hates it. He isn't enamored with the schooling system here either. He's thinking of turning down this amazing job opportunity and going back.

However, if he was moving from India/China/south America, I'm sure they both would have made it work!

halfnine
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by halfnine » Sun Sep 25, 2016 12:26 pm

unclescrooge wrote:
Lieutenant.Columbo wrote:
unclescrooge wrote:...I grew up an only child to expat parents. We moved back "home" when I was nearly ten, and I struggled to fit in. It did happen, but I decided I was going to move out of the country as soon as I could. I took 12 years, but I happened.
...
If you want your kids to end up living close by when you retire, then move back home by the time the eldest is eight or nine. Otherwise, they'll form zero attachment, and probably develop their own ideas of where they should go for college, and career
thank you for sharing your input, very interesting
would you please elaborate on why moving back "home" by the time child is 8 or 9? do you (did you) feel like had you moved by age 8 or 9 you might have fitted in?

I'm European expat, living in USA. Son is 10 months old. Our current plan is to move to my country of origin when son finishes Elementary School, for him to do Middle and High Schools over there. Them he'd decide where he'd like to go to University. I know, thinking too far ahead in time, but what's the harm?
I had friends and neighbors that moved from the US and England back home.

Those with kids over ten ended up moving back, as did nearly all the US returnees.

The sample size is very small, but I think it makes logical sense. It's easier to adapt to different cultures and education systems when you're younger.

I think it boils down to how different your home environment is from where you are moving from. I had a college buddy who lives in England for pay 20 years and recently transfered to San Francisco bay area. His daughter is ten and she hates it. He isn't enamored with the schooling system here either. He's thinking of turning down this amazing job opportunity and going back.

However, if he was moving from India/China/south America, I'm sure they both would have made it work!
Anyone who want to raise kids abroad should read Third Culture Kids. Those who are now adults who grew up abroad would probably benefit from reading it as well.

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zaboomafoozarg
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by zaboomafoozarg » Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:37 pm

If you do have a second kid it would be fun to show them this thread. That way he or she can thank the internet strangers who indirectly played a part in his or her existence :D

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unclescrooge
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by unclescrooge » Sun Sep 25, 2016 1:53 pm

halfnine wrote:
Anyone who want to raise kids abroad should read Third Culture Kids. Those who are now adults who grew up abroad would probably benefit from reading it as well.
Thanks. From the first 20 or so Amazon reviews it sounds like a very interesting book.

Leemiller
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by Leemiller » Sun Sep 25, 2016 2:53 pm

I moved to the US at about age five, after living overseas and attending an English speaking ex pat elementary school. Even so, I had some issues relating to being confused as to what language to use. Overall, I think I assimilated into the US almost seamlessly. I have other friends who spent longer overseas and each of them seems to have a foot in two streams, sometimes in a way that seems stressful.

Financially, the best choice is no children. As to your circumstances, most of what you're asking seems impossible to opine on. For example, how would we know what your wife's marketability may or may not be overseas and in some unnamed country.

VGisforme
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by VGisforme » Sun Sep 25, 2016 11:24 pm

Of course you can afford it but might not retire early or keep saving 65% of your single income... Everything is relative I suppose, get back to us when you actually have a dilemma.

Saving$
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by Saving$ » Mon Sep 26, 2016 12:22 am

Although I concur with Unclescrooge, and would add that his comments do not apply just to expat kids, sample sizes of one are unreliable.

However, on whole you will probably find far more only child adults who wish for a sibling, than you will find adults who have a sibling and wish not to.

Inevitably there will be posters pointing out the obvious - there are no guarantees and there are MANY variables, but with two at least there is a chance for them to get along and have a rich relationship with both each other and their parents. With only one, they have no chance at a sibling relationship. None at all.

From a strictly financial point of view for yourself and your wife, yes, children are expensive, but if you are going to make this a financial equation, don't stop with what they cost you to raise. What happens when you are old? Even if you have the means to afford what you need once you are elderly, you may well not have the wherewithal to be able to manage your care. An adult child who will manage your care may make the difference between you being able to afford decent in home care vs being put in a nursing home, and having two at best spreads the responsibility among them and at worst gives you a higher probability that at least one will be able to step to the plate...there are always exceptions, but on the whole, your own kids are probably far less likely than strangers to ruin you financially when you are elderly...

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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by gundlached » Mon Sep 26, 2016 8:55 am

I vote yea to kid #2. You need an heir, and a spare.

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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by B0bL0blawsLawBl0g » Mon Sep 26, 2016 11:11 am

The Planner wrote:
Emotionally, my wife and I would like to have a second and our relationship is very solid and generally excellent. Our combined income was reduced by 25% when my wife quit her job, but we still take in 130k US per year tax free. When my child reaches 3 years of age my employer covers around 80% of all educational costs from ages 3-18 up to a maximum of three children (education here is private). Even with my wife unemployed, we still save 65% of our annual income and invest in diversified Vanguard ETFs (my employer does not provide a pension and there is no social insurance here).
With some editing, I think your post makes it clear that you have the financial wherewithal to easily afford a second child. The issues about being isolated from your parents and moving back home are present with 1 child or 2 -- I don't see how the second child really changes that aspect. But, financially, you can easily afford it.

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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by TinkerPDX » Mon Sep 26, 2016 12:02 pm

Money and eventual financial independence are means to ends, not ends in and of themselves.

Among those ends is happiness. (Provided of course, that money enough to provide for basic physical needs is pretty much a precondition for happiness - but it sounds like you're way past that.) I understand there is general consensus among those who study these things that close bonds with fellow humans is generally correlated with happiness; and that familial bonds can be among the strongest of those.

So what's the point of making and saving money if not to support friendships and family?

Our first 6-12 months of parenthood were very, very rough. At the time I thought we'd definitely stop at one. The kid turned two last month. The last year has been a joy and has re-focused me on what matters (ie, not money). Now I'm hopeful we can have one more. It'll require spending less on ourselves and on kid #1, but I'm sure it will be worth it.

If you're going to consider the financial implications at all, think of the opportunity cost of kid #2 not in terms of foregone income/savings, but in terms of quality of other relationships. If you do so, you may find out that it's a bargain.

knowledge
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Re: When (or if) to have a second child

Post by knowledge » Mon Sep 26, 2016 12:16 pm

The Planner wrote:
knowledge wrote:You are 10 weeks into your first baby and you're wondering about having a second? When we were 10 weeks into our first, a second kid was the furthest thing from our mind, my guess is that we were worrying about sleep - the newborn's and ours.

Give it time. Circumstances change in two years, or two months, even. I will say this: there is never a right time, nor will you ever feel ready.
Hmm. It's on our mind as the OB advised us not to wait too long on account of my wife's age and a few other factors.
Now that I notice your screenname, it puts this post into proper context. 40 is the new 35, or so it seems. I'm no OB, but yeah, you still should have time. Besides, your wife couldn't get pregnant now even if she wanted to, so try to focus on your new family for the time being. I think it's a thought that starts to creep in as your first gets closer to 1 year. You start to get into a rhythm, your brain forgets how terrible the first few months were, and you decide, what the hell...

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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by kjvmartin » Mon Sep 26, 2016 1:47 pm

We married a bit older than most of our peers, so it wasn't an option to delay children. Our first was a great blessing and is now two years old. Our second is due in January.

We don't have nearly as high of an income as you, we've even had financial setbacks, and only have a 2 bedroom place for the foreseeable future.

I think in the long run, those things aren't going to matter.

kjv

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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by BlueCable » Mon Sep 26, 2016 2:14 pm

You save 65% of your income, which means you are savings almost twice as much as your expenses! You DO have a lot of money. You CAN afford to have 3-5 kids.

You seem like someone that likes to have everything planned out exactly and have very few surprises. You are obviously frugal and probably very conservative with your finances, so here's how you convince yourself that you can have more children. Figure out the marginal cost of each child. I cannot image that having one more would double your expenses, but let's imagine it would. You'd still be saving 1x your current expenses in savings each year. That's a lot! You can afford it.

Let's be more realistic, and estimate that it would take two kids to double your expenses. This is still overboard given that your household size is less than doubling. You can afford to have two more children. Once you are at three children, you can examine your expenses and savings and see if you can afford another. I suspect you will, but perhaps you'll think that 3 are enough by then.

In summary, if you want more kids, do not let financial reasons stop you. You clearly can afford them. Have fun! :sharebeer

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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by Tal- » Mon Sep 26, 2016 3:10 pm

Not to make light of a serious question, but this is the easiest question I've read on this board in a long time.

Yes, you can financially afford to have another child. Period.

Now, the questions of if and when are much more difficult and personal. My personal view is that 2 kids, about 2 years apart is ideal. But, that's me. I don't presume to know the correct number of kids for your family, or if/when you should have a second one. So, I'll presume that your finances can easily support a second child, and leave it at that. :)
Debt is to personal finance as a knife is to cooking.

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dgm
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by dgm » Mon Sep 26, 2016 5:30 pm

Here is another thing to potentially consider. I do not suggest it as something you should weigh heavily...just presenting another dimension that might be interesting to you:

is there an optimal age gap between siblings

http://www.ahaparenting.com/ask-the-doc ... n-siblings

joebh
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by joebh » Mon Sep 26, 2016 6:14 pm

The Planner wrote:I'm agonizing over this as I basically want to be able to give a good life to my children and at the same time I don't want to be financially stressed or under pressure. I don't really know what to do.
No need to agonize at all here. Since the only points you made regarding a second child are financial, the decision is easy - don't have a second child.

If you said you both always wanted two children, or that you feel it's extremely important for your one child to have a sibling, or that you love children more than anything, or that you both grew up in large families and wanted to experience the same, etc. - any of these might change the answer.

But if your main concern is giving "a good life to your children" and not to be "financially stressed or under pressure", having just the one child will give you your best chance to fulfill those goals. Less financial stress, less pressure, all the good life concentrated on just the one child.

Quite an easy choice, given your requirements.

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ScarletIris
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by ScarletIris » Mon Sep 26, 2016 10:07 pm

I always felt having more than one diversified the risk that something would happen to my one and only child and I'd end up with no children to enjoy throughout life's milestones. Of course there are no guarantees and I don't want to seem macabre.

Anecdotally I've noticed from friends that have only one, it seems the parents hover quite a bit more whether it be fussing over health or activities. I think because this is their one opportunity to both influence and experience life's milestones for the next generation. I look forward to experiencing a relationship with each of my kids, graduation x3, weddings x3, etc. While of course there is by definition, less attention and finances per kid, there is less pressure on any one child to solely fulfill the weight of my expectations and more opportunity to bond with each other and the world at large.

2tall4economy
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Re: When (or whether) to have a second child

Post by 2tall4economy » Fri Oct 07, 2016 1:24 am

My brother has 4 kids, wife stays at home, and he makes maybe $40k on a good year pre tax.

They certainly have financial challenges and he'll probably work until he dies, but that's two additional kids and significantly less money. You can make it work if you want to, but no ferraris and your retirement will be a little less than otherwise.

Personally, I earned most of my "baseline" wealth from overseas assignments. Sock it away and have a firm plan to return and save what you need to achieve that, with the new one.
You can do anything you want in life. The rub is that there are consequences.

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