Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

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bnes
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Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by bnes » Wed Sep 21, 2016 1:23 pm

I'm seeking resources or just stories from others who have managed issues surrounding a fiscally dependent adult child, post the death of parents.
In this case, she has a pile of related issues:
  • Unpaid pills. Negative credit score. No credit. No bank account.
  • A history of unpaid or late property tax payments.
  • Untreated mental stability issues. Lack of willingness to address issues.
  • Lack of consistent employment.
She holds title to a home with significant appreciation: far more than the debts.

A cash inheritance could work out poorly: perhaps be blown through in a matter of years, bringing all the short term problems back at a age when they can't easily be dealt with.

The seemingly needed skills are a combination of credit counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, life coach, fee only fiscal planner, grief councilor, trust attorney. Where to start?


Update: I totally know how a trust is set up. It's what might the rules of the trust be, and what's worked for others, that's of interest.
Last edited by bnes on Thu Sep 22, 2016 12:52 am, edited 1 time in total.

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prudent
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by prudent » Wed Sep 21, 2016 2:14 pm

Since medical, mental health and relationship issues are out-of-scope for this forum, we can look at the financial side. One possibility is a trust, using a trustee who is empowered to distribute funds from the trust under specified conditions.

jebmke
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by jebmke » Wed Sep 21, 2016 2:18 pm

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Last edited by jebmke on Wed Sep 21, 2016 2:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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ResearchMed
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by ResearchMed » Wed Sep 21, 2016 2:24 pm

prudent wrote:Since medical, mental health and relationship issues are out-of-scope for this forum, we can look at the financial side. One possibility is a trust, using a trustee who is empowered to distribute funds from the trust under specified conditions.
OP might also want to look into some variation/combination of a special needs trust and a spendthrift trust. I'm not sure I'm using the exact correct terms, as we are just looking into this now.
One thing to keep in mind is to structure it so not only does the Adult Child not blow right through the money, but that the money doesn't interfere with other services that might have been available.

We are dealing with setting up something like this for SIL, who might inherit a fair amount from very elderly MIL.
There are no other heirs, but this money is likely to be needed eventually for special extra services and support for the rest of her life.

(We don't need the money, and SIL has very little. Also, we don't particularly want to be the sole or primary person who tells her "yes or no" if she wants some money. And of course, although it's unlikely, there is always the chance that she would survive us.)

Tricky issues, to be sure.

RM
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bnes
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by bnes » Wed Sep 21, 2016 2:54 pm

OP here: The real question here is what trust conditions have worked for others/might work here?

For example: a subsidy for work, perhaps providing a fiscal incentive to gain outside income.
Or an incentive/penalty related to medications or other interventions for the metal health issues.

I know how to set the fiscal instruments up: that's the easy part. I don't know how to get her into treatment, or if an attempt to leverage behavior through a trust would result in a complete rejection. Have others faced this in the past, and how did it go? Where might stories of similar situations be told and shared?

bnes
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by bnes » Fri Sep 23, 2016 12:56 am

Anyone have ideas: where could I meet others, hear other stories, of families dealing with dependent adult children?

jridger2011
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by jridger2011 » Fri Sep 23, 2016 7:14 am

The rules should be that in order to get money out of the trust outside of automatic payments for living expenses, this person needs to be employed, or in a treatment program, or in educational training. Otherwise, only basic withdraws for day to day living are allowed. No fancy cars, long vacations, or jump start business ideas. I have heard of many crazy business ideas: flipping houses, rental properties in low income areas, flipping cars, etc -- all this without knowledge on how to do it and no work experience dealing with any of it. The money is also dangerous when shady friends and former lovers come out of the woodwork.

They are adults and will resent this type of restriction on what feels like their money, but it helps them in the long run if they should have bigger health issues or dependents in the future.

The dialog is very different depending on where this person is in life, having the trust set up so they can achieve personal goals should be the key. If this person has always dreamed of learning or trying something "new" that could lead to a new job or a move to a new city, this trust would help them. The money should be used for long term planning but also immediate personal growth.

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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by bsteiner » Fri Sep 23, 2016 7:52 am

prudent wrote: ... One possibility is a trust, using a trustee who is empowered to distribute funds from the trust under specified conditions.
It would be better (both from the standpoint of flexibility and to provide better protection for possible government benefits) not to specify conditions. No one knows what the future will bring. Give the trustees discretion. Give careful consideration to the choice of trustee(s). Make sure the trustees can name co-trustees and successor trustees.

ResearchMed
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by ResearchMed » Fri Sep 23, 2016 8:01 am

bnes wrote:Anyone have ideas: where could I meet others, hear other stories, of families dealing with dependent adult children?
Is there a physician or social worker or such involved with the care of your relative (the Adult Child of concern here)?

if so, they may have contact information of resources, or at least a list of organizations.

If there is a named condition, perhaps there is a support group specific for that.

RM
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Jill07
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by Jill07 » Fri Sep 23, 2016 10:49 am

Please check online at nami.org for a support group. NAMI stands for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They often have local support groups which can be very helpful to individuals and their families.

Best wishes to you and your family,
Jill

bnes
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by bnes » Tue Sep 27, 2016 1:07 am

ResearchMed wrote:
bnes wrote:Anyone have ideas: where could I meet others, hear other stories, of families dealing with dependent adult children?
If there is a named condition, perhaps there is a support group specific for that.
RM
The individual is not interested in seeking a diagnosis. Cash payments have kept her off the streets, but those payments have never been made contingent on seeking treatment. For various reasons, she has come to mistrust the medical profession and the whole concept of medication.

bnes
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by bnes » Tue Sep 27, 2016 1:19 am

Jill07 wrote:Please check online at nami.org for a support group.Jill
Trying. None close enough for my parents to visit unfortunately.

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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by Herekittykitty » Tue Sep 27, 2016 12:37 pm

From what is described, it looks like the situation is unsustainable as it is now. It looks like someone must be infusing cash and doing their best to keep financial disaster, tax liens, and so on from happening.

If this is a situation of a spendthrift uninterested in gainful employment or responsibility, that is one thing. But it looks like the OP is saying there is a mental illness responsible for at least some of this and that at least to some degree the person may not be able to function in such a way as to see to her own best interest.

If such is the case, then it could be helpful to discuss the situation with an attorney familiar with such matters. I am not a lawyer, but am guessing the area of law would be family law, and one would want an attorney familiar with mental illness and guardianship. (I am not saying there should be a guardian as I have no idea, just mentioning it as a question to ask the lawyer along with his/her opinion about the situation and how to handle it.)

If the situation is currently unsustainable and if there are mental illness issues driving it (and maybe addiction - although that wasn't mentioned), it seems likely now would be the time to address the situation, not after the demise of the woman's parents.
I don't know anything.

ResearchMed
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by ResearchMed » Tue Sep 27, 2016 1:41 pm

bnes wrote:
ResearchMed wrote:
bnes wrote:Anyone have ideas: where could I meet others, hear other stories, of families dealing with dependent adult children?
If there is a named condition, perhaps there is a support group specific for that.
RM
The individual is not interested in seeking a diagnosis. Cash payments have kept her off the streets, but those payments have never been made contingent on seeking treatment. For various reasons, she has come to mistrust the medical profession and the whole concept of medication.
It was a support group for the relative(s) that I was suggesting.

Even if the relative(s) didn't want to attend any regular meetings, there may well be suggestions for other resources, from those with family members with similar difficulties.

RM
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bnes
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Re: Resource for dealing with dependent adult children

Post by bnes » Tue Sep 27, 2016 2:24 pm

ResearchMed wrote:It was a support group for the relative(s) that I was suggesting.
Right. That's what's not close enough for the relatives to attend. There's a group an hour away I found because of your link.

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