Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

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bigguy8437
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Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by bigguy8437 » Mon Sep 19, 2016 12:07 am

So i know one of the first rules about getting a windfall/inheritance is not to tell anyone. But me being a dumb 23 year old kid told one of my best friends when we were drunk one night. he didn't get the whole amount, but he got about half of it ~150k because i showed him it on my phone. I know its not the end of the world, and i don't think he would tell anyone, but i can see it affecting our relationship already. He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment, which i had to turn down. i know he was asking me because he knows i can afford it when most of our friends can't (he gets money from his parents and is very well off so he can afford it), but it seems to me that my situation is always in the back of his head now and its not ever gunna go away. I hope i learn my lesson from telling him about it but this really is a lesson for everybody who is in a similar situation. you should tell no one except immediate family members - and even for family members, now that the money is in my name and it is invested i will not tell them any updates on balances or anything. now the good part for me is that my friend only saw half, and he will not know the extent to how much it will grow being invested in vanguard total stock market, but he knows its there and i just can't seem to get this whole thing out of my head. i know its out of my control now and the only thing to do is learn from it, but if anyone has any advice i'd appreciate it. i am trying to act like i don't have this money at a young age (~300k) by living below my means. i am living at home to save money, i drive a cheap reliable car (nothing flashy), and all my friends know I'm trying to be frugal. its just this one good/best friend knows and I'm worried he can tell everyone. I'm just worried something might slip to another person again when i am intoxicated by accident.

Jacotus
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Jacotus » Mon Sep 19, 2016 12:11 am

Good for you for being wise with the money and investing when you are young.

If this person is really your friend, you should be able to ask him that he not tell anybody. You can say you only told him because he is a very good friend and you don't want it being common knowledge.

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celia
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by celia » Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:18 am

I guess "Don't drink and talk" would apply to you.

I'm retired and lots of people know I got a "small inheritance" because suddenly I was able to remodel the kitchen. (No point in talking about the rest or if I have plans for it or not.)

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StevieG72
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by StevieG72 » Mon Sep 19, 2016 2:29 am

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

If other friends find out and start suggesting what you should be doing with your money, just tell them you have it invested and it is not accesible.

Good for you for being wise enough to invest vs. blowing it on "stuff".
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by AlohaJoe » Mon Sep 19, 2016 3:17 am

I don't understand the problem here.
He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment, which i had to turn down. i know he was asking me because he knows i can afford it
So? I ask friends all kind of different things based on what I think they can afford. Some friends I ask if they want to fly internationally for a weekend. Other friends I ask if they want to get a cheap bowl of Vietnamese noodles.

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in_reality
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by in_reality » Mon Sep 19, 2016 4:42 am

AlohaJoe wrote:I don't understand the problem here.
He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment, which i had to turn down. i know he was asking me because he knows i can afford it
So? I ask friends all kind of different things based on what I think they can afford. Some friends I ask if they want to fly internationally for a weekend. Other friends I ask if they want to get a cheap bowl of Vietnamese noodles.
I would just steer it toward your values which I assume is modest living so as to save and invest. If you do need a roommate, it sounds like that friend might be a good one assuming you would both agree on the place.

You seem on the right track, and it would be great if you find a similar friend or influence your friend in a good direction.

Look the money is locked away in investments for the future so hopefully you can escape work if desired and purse whatever course you choose. It won't grow otherwise, so you are fully excused for not spending more than you need now!

So the inheritance was mentioned. Suggestion were made on how to perhaps use it. Just steer it towards how to really use it best which I think you understand if you have spent any amount of time here. No problem. Don't do that in a bar with strangers though please!

Caduceus
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Caduceus » Mon Sep 19, 2016 5:40 am

Since he's a close friend, why not just have an honest conversation about it? Tell him the next time you guys are hanging out that you'd appreciate it if he kept his knowledge of your inheritance private and that you don't intend to upgrade your lifestyle. And just leave it at that.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Sep 19, 2016 6:42 am

Word to the wise, 1 drink per hour and a half intermixed with one glass of water, your brain and mouth will thank you as will your liver. You will never have to worry about having loose lips ever again. If anyone asks why you are drinking water tell them you have a medical condition that requires you to limit alcohol intake. Loosilipoucious......
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jabberwockOG
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by jabberwockOG » Mon Sep 19, 2016 7:16 am

At some point your close friends inevitably understand each others level of financial savvy and independence. Never a good idea to reveal your assets (if they are significantly) larger than most unless you are talking to a close friend with similar level of assets.

ponyboy
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by ponyboy » Mon Sep 19, 2016 7:35 am

I doubt your friend is that jealous of you. $150k at 23 isnt an extreme amount of money. I probably had a little north of that at that age...and I didnt even inherit anything.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Jack FFR1846 » Mon Sep 19, 2016 7:52 am

So you could drop the hint next time you go out and get drunk with your friend that you likely won't see penny #1 for 50 years. Next, accept his offer to share an apartment in the high end building but ask that he spot you your half until that 50 year point where you'll actually get your inheritance.

Also......you might not get a dime. If your parents end up in assisted living, $150k pays for a year in a nursing home. Prepare.....if you happen to live in a state that requires this.....to be asked by the nursing home to pay for whatever isn't in your parents' assets.
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by retiredjg » Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:04 am

There is something about a secret. It just wants out. You couldn't keep your secret and your friend probably will not be able to either. People will probably know and you won't know who knows and who doesn't. Just get over it. There's really nothing else you can do.

Try to never bring up the subject again. If it does come up (people will ask you for a loan), just say that the money is all invested for your retirement and not accessible. Then cut off the conversation as politely as you can.

Tamalak
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Tamalak » Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:12 am

Just say "nah it's invested, can't touch it haha" when people ask you to use it for stuff. If they press you, act dumb.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by TomatoTomahto » Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:17 am

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:Word to the wise, 1 drink per hour and a half intermixed with one glass of water, your brain and mouth will thank you as will your liver. You will never have to worry about having loose lips ever again. If anyone asks why you are drinking water tell them you have a medical condition that requires you to limit alcohol intake. Loosilipoucious......
I've been a diabetic for decades, so I don't drink anything other than a sip when my wife tries a new beer. It has allowed me to take a sober (!) look at alcohol, but without a high horse moral tone.

If I add up the good alcohol has done (lubricating friendly conversation for uptight people, enhancing a sunset with a glass of wine) and subtract the harm it has done (ranging from the mild negative for OP to much more horrific instances), I can't come to any conclusion other than that the world, on balance, would be better off if alcohol did not exist.

OP, own it.

bigguy8437
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by bigguy8437 » Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:06 am

ponyboy wrote:I doubt your friend is that jealous of you. $150k at 23 isnt an extreme amount of money. I probably had a little north of that at that age...and I didnt even inherit anything.
It's double that...he only knows about half of it though

bpr
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by bpr » Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:16 am

Before he tells to everyone else when he is drunk, tell him you lost most of it in the stock market

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by InvestorNewb » Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:21 am

A good friend won't care, especially if he has a good head on his shoulders with his own ambitions. My friend recently inherited 500k. It hasn't changed anything between us.
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Stonebr » Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:30 am

You can assume he'll tell at least someone, and word will spread and get exaggerated. You could soon be a millionaire in the eyes of your friends. But really, you will continue to be who you are, and after a flurry of talk, your friends (at least the ones worth keeping) will accept you for the frugal, tightfisted moneybags that they actually like in spite of yourself. Not taking on the trappings of affluence (the flash car, the lux apartment, the ski trips to Austria) will show them that you aren't going to leave their sphere, and they may in time wonder if you really did inherit anything.
"have more than thou showest, | speak less than thou knowest" -- The Fool in King Lear

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by stoptothink » Mon Sep 19, 2016 9:58 am

I've had similar experiences with family members, not about inheritance as we have not (and will never) receive one, but when they have found out about how much we make as a family (thanks to my wife). I think they all assumed I make decent money, but they likely had no idea what my wife made (and as someone who has no degree and was making $11/hr 3yrs ago, she is very proud of what she has since accomplished). It has resulted in family members on both sides giving us guilt trips about not meeting them for expensive vacations, etc. We've simply gotten really good at telling them no; no excuses needed.

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Watty
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Watty » Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:11 am

Being frugal is great but the hard part is getting a healthy balance in your "now vs later" choices in spending money.
bigguy8437 wrote: I know its not the end of the world, and i don't think he would tell anyone, but i can see it affecting our relationship already. He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment, which i had to turn down. i know he was asking me because he knows i can afford it when most of our friends can't (he gets money from his parents and is very well off so he can afford it), but it seems to me that my situation is always in the back of his head now and its not ever gunna go away.
It doesn't sound like he is trying to take advantage of you since it sounds like he would be paying for half the apartment. I would just talk to him and ask him not to tell other people.

There is no one right answer as to how long you should live at home but moving out to an apartment with a roommate while you are in your early 20's has a lot of advantages and help you learn a lot about what it takes to live on your own. I have heard of people that lived with their parents until they got married and moved out and they had no clue about all the planning it takes to take care of a place of their own and that caused problems with their spouse. The high end apartment might of just been wishful thinking on his part but moving to a mid range apartment might be worth considering.

You are young, single, and presumably in good health and don't have any kids yet. There are a lot of things that you can do now like budget travel that will be a lot harder to do later in life. Spending a few thousand dollars on something like a backpacking trip to Europe could be a great learning experience and well worth it so don't be too frugal, just budget for your splurges.
bigguy8437 wrote: i drive a cheap reliable car (nothing flashy),
But is it a relatively safe car?

I would spend some time researching it to find out if it has ESC, electronic stability control, what other safety features it has, and how it rates for safety.

You can check the driver death rates for some car models here.

http://www.iihs.org/iihs/topics/driver-death-rates

I'm not saying to go out and buy an expensive new car with all the latest state of the art safely features but buying a modest safer used car would be worth considering if yours has a poor safety rating.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by LarryAllen » Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:16 am

Put the money away and pretend you don't have it for about 10-15 years. You'll thank me later.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by VictoriaF » Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:19 am

retiredjg wrote:There is something about a secret. It just wants out. You couldn't keep your secret and your friend probably will not be able to either. People will probably know and you won't know who knows and who doesn't. Just get over it. There's really nothing else you can do.

Try to never bring up the subject again. If it does come up (people will ask you for a loan), just say that the money is all invested for your retirement and not accessible. Then cut off the conversation as politely as you can.
That's my advice too. Avoid the topic, and if it comes up refer to the investments that you can't touch. Do not provide any details of the investments to avoid any discussion of how they could be "touched."

Victoria
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by mmmodem » Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:21 am

If he's a good friend, you can ask him to keep it a secret. It's really no big deal. Put yourself in his shoes. You just found out your supposedly poor friend has some money. Maybe he'd like to share an apartment with you. No? Oh well, I guess he's saving that money instead. I tend to ask my more frugal friends to fast food restaurants and my more extravagant friends to expensive activities.

It's easier to be honest in my opinion. The reason you leaked the information is because deep down you want to share in your good fortune. I don't see why finances have to be a secret anyway. All my friends, family, and coworkers are free to ask me how much I have and what I do with it. (My supervisor discourages sharing how much I make from coworkers so that's the only secret I have to keep.) And when they do find out, some have asked me for loans. When I repeatedly say, no. They stop. Some have repeatedly asked me to go to fancy places or vacation. Again, they stop when I say no enough times. Luckily, no one has stopped being a friend or family that stopped communication. Which means they are all good honest people to know. Isn't it better to find out sooner rather than later?

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by KyleAAA » Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:25 am

Shouldn't it change your relationship, though? Friend asked to rent a nice apartment together, you said no because you didn't think you could afford it. As long as he isn't asking you for money, I don't see the problem.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by VictoriaF » Mon Sep 19, 2016 10:39 am

KyleAAA wrote:Shouldn't it change your relationship, though? Friend asked to rent a nice apartment together, you said no because you didn't think you could afford it. As long as he isn't asking you for money, I don't see the problem.
It seems that sharing an apartment is just one example of a new trend in their relationship:
bigguy8437 wrote: but i can see it affecting our relationship already. He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment
OP's friend may be counting that the OP will cover the cost of doing stuff together and pay the entire rent for a high-end apartment when the friend does not have money. Even if the OP's friend has money of his own, he may not want to spend it knowing that the OP can.

Furthermore, even if the OP's friend has the money, they seem to have different priorities. The friend wants to spend money on doing stuff and living in a high-end apartment; the OP wants to save money. If they live together, even if they contribute equally, the friend will push the OP into higher-level spending than he is comfortable with.

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FelixTheCat
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by FelixTheCat » Mon Sep 19, 2016 12:37 pm

I made the mistake of telling a friend I paid off my primary home. He made it his mission to tell me how I should spend my money.
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by soboggled » Mon Sep 19, 2016 12:39 pm

Are you sure he is as good a friend as you think?
Or are you being paranoid?

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:13 pm

bpr wrote:Before he tells to everyone else when he is drunk, tell him you lost most of it in the stock market
Nah, tell them you lost your shirt shorting oil contracts, the market went against you. Then ask the guy you know who has $$ to lend you 5 cents for a hamburger today and you'll pay him back next Tuesday. :wink:
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:15 pm

KyleAAA wrote:Shouldn't it change your relationship, though? Friend asked to rent a nice apartment together, you said no because you didn't think you could afford it. As long as he isn't asking you for money, I don't see the problem.
You know who your real friends are when the bad times hit, everyone is your friend when there are good times. Remember that.
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Meg77 » Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:22 pm

This is a common situation you would have encountered sooner or later - that of having a lot more money than someone else (or realizing that they have a lot more than you); it just came on quickly/dramatically for you because of the windfall so it feels much more life changing. But it shouldn't matter. You'll meet a lot of people in your life with a lot less or a lot more than you have, and that in and of itself shouldn't impact much beyond where you may choose to go for dinner.

Age 23 is when most people launch their careers and investment lives, and over the next decade the financial status of friends and acquaintances will start to diverge dramatically. Some people start to make crazy good money; others get caught in a low-income rut they may never get out of. Some people start to invest aggressively; others spend everything they make and then some. Some folks inherit money, others lose windfalls in bad investments. Some marry other high earners; others marry spouses with spending problems or decide they want to stay home and raise 8 kids on one income.

Your status diverged suddenly, and you could have kept it a secret but really shouldn't feel like you have to. I wouldn't go around bragging about it of course, but sooner or later you'll have to learn to say no to things you don't want to do regardless of whether you have the money or not.
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by corwin » Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:42 pm

We only told a few friends and we didn't tell the amount. We did say it resolved the issue of how we would pay for our daughter's college. It's hard to keep something that has such a large impact on your life a secret from everyone.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by leonard » Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:45 pm

Said to friend "It turns out the inheritance may be in probate for a few years and it may end up being contested. Looks like I may only get a fraction of what I originally thought."

All of which is true of any inheritance. Embellish with any additional facts of the situation that call in to question the final amount that will be inherited.

Then, stop telling people. There is no benefit to telling - only downside.
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by HomerJ » Mon Sep 19, 2016 1:49 pm

ponyboy wrote:I doubt your friend is that jealous of you. $150k at 23 isnt an extreme amount of money. I probably had a little north of that at that age...and I didnt even inherit anything.
I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse to have such a limited perspective.

99.5% of 23-year olds would disagree with you. There's nothing wrong with being part of the 0.5% (indeed, sincere congratulations on your hard work and success!), but one really should be able to recognize it's not "normal".

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by bigred77 » Mon Sep 19, 2016 2:14 pm

HomerJ wrote:
ponyboy wrote:I doubt your friend is that jealous of you. $150k at 23 isnt an extreme amount of money. I probably had a little north of that at that age...and I didnt even inherit anything.
I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse to have such a limited perspective.

99.5% of 23-year olds would disagree with you. There's nothing wrong with being part of the 0.5% (indeed, sincere congratulations on your hard work and success!), but one really should be able to recognize it's not "normal".
+1

Any networth over 0 at that age is fortunate. Heck anything over $25k at age 23 is going to be considered "extreme" by other 23 year olds.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by MI_bogle » Mon Sep 19, 2016 3:21 pm

bigred77 wrote:
HomerJ wrote:
ponyboy wrote:I doubt your friend is that jealous of you. $150k at 23 isnt an extreme amount of money. I probably had a little north of that at that age...and I didnt even inherit anything.
I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse to have such a limited perspective.

99.5% of 23-year olds would disagree with you. There's nothing wrong with being part of the 0.5% (indeed, sincere congratulations on your hard work and success!), but one really should be able to recognize it's not "normal".
+1

Any networth over 0 at that age is fortunate. Heck anything over $25k at age 23 is going to be considered "extreme" by other 23 year olds.

+2, that was an outrageous statement. Nothing wrong with being successful, but be wary of warped perspective. With student loan debts the way they are, most fresh college grads are extremely fortunate to have positive net worth.

The vast majority of American families do not have 150K in savings/investments, much less 23 year olds. Median household income is about 50K, so having 3x that in savings by age 23 is truly special and uncommon. 150K is a lot of money to most people in this country. I think sometimes that is easy to lose sight of in this community, with self-selection of highly successful individuals and such focus on long-term investment and conservative withdrawal rates

OP, my advice is to have an honest conversation with your friend and say that you don't want to change your standard of living, you're investing it for a house/family/kids/retirement/whatever, and you'd appreciate if he kept it to himself. Assuming that's what you want to happen anyways. If you are worried about spilling the beans in the future after drinking, that is probably a separate issue

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by VictoriaF » Mon Sep 19, 2016 3:31 pm

MI_bogle wrote:OP, my advice is to have an honest conversation with your friend and say that you don't want to change your standard of living, you're investing it for a house/family/kids/retirement/whatever, and you'd appreciate if he kept it to himself. Assuming that's what you want to happen anyways. If you are worried about spilling the beans in the future after drinking, that is probably a separate issue
I beg to differ. It's best for the OP not to initiate any more discussions about his assets. If the friend asks, the best response is that the money is invested and can't be touched, without providing any explanations about how the money is invested and what the OP is planning to do with the money in the future.

Any additional information the OP will be providing will be setting up his financial situation for discussion, for requests, and for hurt feelings if the requests are not satisfied.

Victoria
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Christine_NM » Mon Sep 19, 2016 3:34 pm

OP, if that is the worst thing that ever happens while you are drinking, you will be very lucky. Maybe you can limit phone use at these times to calling for a ride home?

If I did this and later on the friend started mentioning money and things that cost money, I'd just shrug, say nothing, and look at him like what are you talking about? :?

Do not initiate any more discussion on the topic. Lesson learned.
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by gks » Mon Sep 19, 2016 4:43 pm

Bigguy,

Wow, you stepped in it. You told your "friend" you had some money and now he wants to move into an expensive apartment with you. Let this be a lesson.

As has been suggested above, if the subject ever comes up again, (never, never, never bring it up yourself), explain to him that you didn't know that the inheritance was in a trust payable when you are x years old (40, 50, pick a number when you don't think he will be a friend any longer).

Or, let him know you lost your inheritance day-trading penny stocks.

bigred and Homer J have an excellent response to ponyboy. If I had $150k at 23, I'd be a gazzillionaire. At 23, like most people at that age, I was in the red. MI_bogle addressed this rather well.

Christine sums it up rather well.

From me, never discuss personal finances with anyone other than your wife/husband. Yeah, I know I'm being sexist.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by HornedToad » Mon Sep 19, 2016 4:59 pm

VictoriaF wrote:
KyleAAA wrote:Shouldn't it change your relationship, though? Friend asked to rent a nice apartment together, you said no because you didn't think you could afford it. As long as he isn't asking you for money, I don't see the problem.
It seems that sharing an apartment is just one example of a new trend in their relationship:
bigguy8437 wrote: but i can see it affecting our relationship already. He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment
OP's friend may be counting that the OP will cover the cost of doing stuff together and pay the entire rent for a high-end apartment when the friend does not have money. Even if the OP's friend has money of his own, he may not want to spend it knowing that the OP can.

Furthermore, even if the OP's friend has the money, they seem to have different priorities. The friend wants to spend money on doing stuff and living in a high-end apartment; the OP wants to save money. If they live together, even if they contribute equally, the friend will push the OP into higher-level spending than he is comfortable with.

Victoria
The friend has plenty of money. "(He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment, which i had to turn down. i know he was asking me because he knows i can afford it when most of our friends can't (he gets money from his parents and is very well off so he can afford it)".

I think now that he knows you have some he's willing to invite you to higher end activities whereas he wouldn't before because he thought you couldn't afford it. I do the same with my friends. Some I ask if they want to vacation together at nice location, others I ask if they want to go camping or do a day trip. You align with what they say so you don't make them feel bad that they can't go. I don't think this is a big deal that you said and just keep it in mind for future.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by gks » Mon Sep 19, 2016 5:14 pm

HT,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but...

Ok, what kind of a friend is this? "I'll scale back on my activities since you can't afford them, but now that you can, here's what we can do."

If "friend" has plenty of money, really, how does that compare to OP's inheritance? This whole situation has a yucky factor in it.

Greg

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Leemiller » Mon Sep 19, 2016 5:27 pm

AlohaJoe wrote:I don't understand the problem here.
He's asked me to start doing stuff with him, such as possibly being roommates in a high-end apartment, which i had to turn down. i know he was asking me because he knows i can afford it
So? I ask friends all kind of different things based on what I think they can afford. Some friends I ask if they want to fly internationally for a weekend. Other friends I ask if they want to get a cheap bowl of Vietnamese noodles.
+1

My friend suggested we fly first class and stay in a nice hotel because she knows I can afford it.

You're 23, maybe it would be awesome to move in with friend or at least move out. Money is a tool, not an ends.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Leemiller » Mon Sep 19, 2016 5:41 pm

Oh and please don't lie. I don't know why people are suggesting silly lies like the investments are untouchable or that you lost it all. You sound either foolish or as if you're lying.

I've met some people with money who get paranoid about it and go out of their way to express how frugal they are or need to be, it's somewhat off putting and insulting - as in I'm not looking for your money!! I've also know people who are young and extremely wealthy who are nonchalant about it. They are mature enough to say yes or no as the mood strikes them.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by packet » Mon Sep 19, 2016 5:53 pm

bigguy8437 wrote:... always in the back of his head ...
Probably not as much as you think.
bigguy8437 wrote:... can't seem to get this whole thing out of my head ...
Try harder.
bigguy8437 wrote:... intoxicated by accident...
Life Pro Tip... always get intoxicated on purpose and with a purpose!

:beerCheers,
packet
First round’s on me.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by roymeo » Mon Sep 19, 2016 6:02 pm

Sounds like judgements about money is already a part of your relationship with this friend, considering what you said about his situation. How is that any different, other than your status has changed (at least in his eyes)?
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by investnoob » Tue Sep 20, 2016 9:26 am

gks wrote:HT,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but...

Ok, what kind of a friend is this? "I'll scale back on my activities since you can't afford them, but now that you can, here's what we can do."

If "friend" has plenty of money, really, how does that compare to OP's inheritance? This whole situation has a yucky factor in it.

Greg
Nothing about that seems wrong to me. I'm am not quite sure why this would be. I have more funds than some friends, and with those friends I suggest nights in at my place with the beer on me. With friends that have about as much money as me, I might suggest a night out at a restaurant. I'm not quite sure why this is yucky.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by 2stepsbehind » Tue Sep 20, 2016 10:44 am

investnoob wrote:
gks wrote:HT,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but...

Ok, what kind of a friend is this? "I'll scale back on my activities since you can't afford them, but now that you can, here's what we can do."

If "friend" has plenty of money, really, how does that compare to OP's inheritance? This whole situation has a yucky factor in it.

Greg
Nothing about that seems wrong to me. I'm am not quite sure why this would be. I have more funds than some friends, and with those friends I suggest nights in at my place with the beer on me. With friends that have about as much money as me, I might suggest a night out at a restaurant. I'm not quite sure why this is yucky.
+1. Why would you invite a friend who you know is trying to pay off debt to go on an elaborate international vacation when you know s/he can't afford it? At the same time, there is no reason for you to forgo that trip so you may mention it to friends that can afford it. This is hardly different from any of the other friendship sorting/categorizing we all do.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by VictoriaF » Tue Sep 20, 2016 11:17 am

Leemiller wrote:Oh and please don't lie. I don't know why people are suggesting silly lies like the investments are untouchable or that you lost it all. You sound either foolish or as if you're lying.
The OP has already been honest about his inheritance and regrets it. Not disclosing his private financial information is not the same as dishonesty. If he does not bring it up, and if his friend does not bring it up, there will be no reason to protect his privacy. If the friend does bring the inheritance up, the OP needs a response. And "investments that he can't touch" is the best response in my opinion. In my own investing, I would not sell mutual funds, TIPS or CDs in order to fund a lifestyle in excess of my plan. The same should be true for the OP; he's not likely to keep his inheritance in a money market fund.

Victoria
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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by 2tall4economy » Tue Sep 20, 2016 11:37 am

ponyboy wrote:I doubt your friend is that jealous of you. $150k at 23 isnt an extreme amount of money. I probably had a little north of that at that age...and I didnt even inherit anything.
This. You're missing 1 or 2 zeros before it's "awkward" money. $150k is 2-3 years salary for a 21 year old college grad and attainable by the majority of the population of the USA.

Separately, I've yet to tell someone something while drunk that I didn't want to. It drops inhibitions but it doesn't make you do something you don't already want to do. So really your inner self wanted to brag a bit. Thats ok, own it. The upshot is, as you'll find later in life, if you have a lot of money there is a certain comfort discussing it with others, and the only ones you can do so with are people like your friend that also have a lot of money.

So I'd say no harm here at all, just tell him your investing it. Doesn't need to be weird at all.
You can do anything you want in life. The rub is that there are consequences.

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Steve723 » Tue Sep 20, 2016 11:38 am

bigguy8437 wrote:I'm just worried something might slip to another person again when i am intoxicated by accident.
Well, perhaps Step 1 is to make sure you don't drink so much that you say or do something that you regret. As a 23-year old male with other male friends, I have a hard time believing you could get intoxicated "by accident". You seem to be wise enough to understand how to properly meter your drinking if you so choose. And if you can't, then you need help.

That being said, I think you have heard the whole range of options and advice from others on how to deal with this situation! Best of luck!

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Re: Anyone accidentally tell a friend about your inheritance?

Post by Index Fan » Tue Sep 20, 2016 11:43 am

I too learned my lesson when talking about finances. I foolishly mentioned how much I'd made in the market at a family gathering. Some months later, a relative asked to borrow money from me because they couldn't afford the balloon payment on their house and were desperate to throw other relatives' money at the mortgage company. I gave them some money but turned them down when they asked for more. Of course the money has never been repaid. They ended up losing their house (as I new they would) and I wonder if in the back of their mind I'm to blame somehow. This person made more money than I did at the time, but I had investments and they did not.

Never ever talk about your finances to anyone unless there is an extremely good reason to do so. Be prepared for relationships to change if you do.
"Optimum est pati quod emendare non possis." | -Seneca

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