Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

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workingovertime
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Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by workingovertime » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:05 pm

**note - this thread isn't intended to be sexist in any way. I'm more or less looking for advises and want to hear your experiences on the topic.

Not sure if it's just the type of women that I date but this is the perception that I get. I'm 26 right now and I realize that having a partner with the same financial mind will be very important. I've been pretty serious with mine for about a 1 1/2 yr now. So far while being with me, she has set her workplace 401k to the company match max (she ignored it for the entire time there which was about 4 years), lowered reoccurring expenses such as cable and phone to the appropriate amount (was paying crazy amount for cable that she rarely watches and had unlimited phone plans. We looked at the data history and turns out that she rarely goes over 5gb/month), and moved regular savings to a "high-yield" savings account . I can accept the whole part about ignoring 401k for years if she really just wasn't interested in investing (many smart people just don't care about the topic or hasn't had the opportunity to be exposed to it). The things mentioned above are relatively easy once it is done but I'm afraid she isn't really on the same page when it comes to money on a daily basis and is a "spender". For example, I don't think she understands the significance of $5 here and $10 there. I could put it on the paper and explain it to her (I haven't by the way. I'm not trying to be overly pushy) but even after when the numbers are clear, some people just think differently, or just don't care. I also don't understand when people (those who are not broke and have enough funds) don't use cash-back credit cards for every purchases. You earn 1% or more for all purchases or more. If you manage your money right, it's basically free money. Some people might say that they do understand these small things, but it's another story to actually truly realize the value of them. I would want someone to understand the true difference between needs vs wants. For example, HD channels are NOT a need, especially when you have same channels non-HD. Sure, you sacrifice the lesser quality, and some people might argue the value of better quality.. but that's the difference between people who FEELS that they NEED to have certain things. I'm sort of ranting now, but it has been one of my huge worries lately. I don't want to end up with someone who frequently spends on what I believe are unnecessary things and things that can be sacrificed. I want to be with someone who actually gets it, have the common goals, and strive for it as hard as I do. When I retire later on in life, it would mean so much more to know that we both worked hard and sacrificed together to reach our goals - as opposed to one sacrificing more than the other and feeling like you're trying to make up for the other half's nonchalant behavior of spending throughout. I realize that money isn't everything and life isn't all about getting every single things right and being "logical" about it.. but at the same time, I don't want to be blind to inevitable issues and end up in a bad situation. I've heard many stories of people who THOUGHT they could make it work and ignore the signs, only to realize that they really couldn't make it work because in the end, it's really just who they are - savers vs spenders
Last edited by workingovertime on Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Doc » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:22 pm

You should ask Carley for a date. :sharebeer
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by LAlearning » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:29 pm

you had your answer at "im 26". the majority of ppl need more time to mature. this forum is not filled with those people however.
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by evarrr » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:29 pm

workingovertime, it sounds like you are thinking about this on overtime. Just because someone isn't as obsessed with streamlining and maximizing their personal finances as much as you (and many Bogleheads here including me) doesn't mean they are predestined to high debt/under-saving/etc., or are a bad match for you. At 26, you are in a minority in terms of personal finance and investing. Most younger people don't think about these things. It sounds like she is receptive to learning and has taken your advice. Perhaps she sees you as someone who would be the primary financial decision maker if you stayed together for the long term. Perhaps she helps you live in the present and brings out your fun side? Good luck.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by retiredjg » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:31 pm

I think most 26 year olds (and younger) don't get it, not just the women. You are somewhat ahead of your age group average. So no, it's not the women, it's most people in their 20's.

It also sounds like you have definite ideas about what is right and what is not right. And yes, at your age, things may seem to be right and not right. As you gain wisdom, you'll realize that other opinions (even very bizarre ones) can be and probably are just as right as yours.

You do want to end up with someone who can be frugal, but you also need to learn the art and value of compromise. You cannot always insist that others cling to the same values you have. It is good that you are exposing her to some better financial choices, but at some point, she's gonna disagree and not just go along with your "teachings". What will you do then?

Bottom line seems to be…if she's the one, you need to rethink some things and become as flexible in your behavior and thinking as she has been by adjusting to and incorporating what she has learned from you. And be willing to wait for her to grow up a little. If she's not the one, well…better to realize it now.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Solo Prosperity » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:39 pm

I would personally say that, in a very general sense, woman are less interested in investing and that it purely comes from generations of psychological imprints of gender roles. That is a tough chain to break, but it seems like this millennium we may start to see some of that reverse. Although it is still way out of proportion there are strong voices like Sheryl Sandberg and many others who are speaking about the importance of sharing "life roles" equally which is a very good thing.

I personally know many married couples where the woman in the relationship deals more with the finances of the family, so it just seems to be random sometimes.

Investing I will say is is not something that was important for me to be on the same page with my wife about. She finds it boring and it doesn't bother me (she contributes to her 403(b) to a target-date fund and doesn't ever look...a good thing imo) especially since most of my male friends find it boring too for that matter. At your age (I'm close at almost 29) there are very few people, men or women, who "care" too much about investing and personal finances since the ideas of retirement are "very far away".

On the other side of the finance coin, consumption/saving habits can be a touchy subject in relationships. At first read, if you felt strongly enough to write a post on a forum about it, I would consider that a red-flag. Not because I think yours or her habits are right or wrong, but because there seems to a vast difference of opinion on the matter and that can be a breeding ground for resentment as the relationship goes on.

The data has clearly shown that money topics are the top source of stress for individuals and one of the top reasons for divorce. I would tell you that before you make any long-term commitment to someone else, that finances should be discussed. For all you know, she could easily see your point and start to work on changing some habits. When my wife and I first did a joint budget exercise after getting married, we both realized there were certain "little" things we can cut out. She has actually become better and more aware about these items than I have even though I brought the topic up at first.

If you think this is someone you could "settle down" with, just have a conversation about it when the time is right. There is no harm in that. For all you know, she has never had anyone seriously talk to her about personal finance topics. It is not like we teach it in schools in this country and a lot of parents shy away from those conversations with their kids as well.

Hope any of that helps.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by icefr » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:41 pm

Just FYI I am a 27 year old female who is a saver and has maxed out her 401(k) for six years now. I'm definitely an anomaly among my friends, regardless of gender.

An interesting exercise for you and your girlfriend might be to compare each of your overall spending for the year. When my boyfriend and I did this, we realized that we were spending about the same overall dollar amount, but it was vastly differently distributed. After that discussion, I stopped trying to push my spending values on him, so that was a huge eye opener for us. It also showed him that I was less frugal than he had thought I was.

Other interesting things we have done that helped to understand each other: the love languages quiz, the Myers-Briggs test, discussions of our values and life priorities, etc.

I would also tell you that I see SD channels as a waste of time. If I have an HD TV why would I then cheap out on the channels?!?! She might be frugal in some areas, but then she happens to splurge on things you don't agree with and that is to some extent something you need to work out in a relationship - you're both going to have different priorities, but if your overall spending $ per year looks similar, I wouldn't sweat those different splurges. She might even disagree with your splurges and think they're crazy!!

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by OakPhilliesFan » Wed Apr 27, 2016 5:42 pm

I would think of it this way. You definitely need to have common long-term financial goals in terms of saving for retirement, big ticket items like cars and houses, vacations, etc. If your values are not aligned that way it could be tough. Another thing I think it's important to be on the same page about is insurance -- health insurance initially, everything else eventually. Encouraging your partner to use high-yield savings and cash-back cards seems pretty reasonable, too, since it's low effort and essentially no risk as long as you are responsible (i.e. don't get into credit card debt), but I wouldn't be too pushy about it if they were uncomfortable for some reason.

Everyday discretionary spending is different. Once you've met all your savings and retirement goals and gotten good insurance, what difference does it make if she wants to get HD channels or spend an extra $5 or $10 on things that aren't important to you? Different things make different people happy. It isn't really splurging if you can afford it. You need to balance your day-to-day quality of life with your long-term goals. Now, maybe some of these things just fill you with indignation that goes beyond the question of whether they fit your budget. But if that's the case I think you should try to let it go if you can. It will only lead to problems if you make an issue of it and I don't really see what's to be gained.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by LadyGeek » Wed Apr 27, 2016 6:02 pm

This thread is now in the Personal Finance (Not Investing) forum (financial planning).
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by GoldenFinch » Wed Apr 27, 2016 6:04 pm

Your issue is very much a youth issue and not a female issue. Some people love to manage money and are interested in investing and others have no inherent interest. Many learn about money through trial and error.

I think as long as one person in the relationship can handle the money appropriately, the relationship and financial future can both be positive. I know some people are financial disasters and that would be a red flag, but many people just need time and a little financial education to get on track.

Don't get discouraged. :happy

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by blevine » Wed Apr 27, 2016 6:25 pm

I got married around that age. Most people don't have a financial clue at that age, and we did not.
I was more motivated and interested than my wife, but took the time to learn, she did not.

While it is working out fine for us, I think this is one of the reasons for high divorce rate.
People often get married when they are too young to know themselves much less another person
well enough to know their lifelong priorities. It is a gamble at this stage. I think you have to ask yourself
if this is moving in the right direction, but not rush the decision.

If this is very important to you, to be compatible she needs to be flexible to either help you or
let you own some of the financial decisions. Some people are happy to have someone else do the research
and make such spending/investing decisions. Others want to do it themselves. The only problem would be if
she were unwilling to learn and unwilling to delegate to you, and makes rash decisions. That would not work.

Good luck !

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by retiredjg » Wed Apr 27, 2016 6:56 pm

I think a couple of people hit on a very important point. If you both agree you want to meet certain goals and you agree on what needs to be saved to get there, it is not important if the discretionary money is spent on Starbucks or a a computer game. She will have things she wants that are meaningless to you. There will be things you want that will be meaningless to her. This is normal and not inconsistent with having common financial goals.

If you agree on what you want to accomplish, the details of daily spending are not important if you are otherwise meeting your goals. So concentrate on the "yes" things (goals) and not so much on the "no" things (you should not spend money on ____).

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by workingovertime » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:02 pm

blevine wrote:I got married around that age. Most people don't have a financial clue at that age, and we did not.
I was more motivated and interested than my wife, but took the time to learn, she did not.

While it is working out fine for us, I think this is one of the reasons for high divorce rate.
People often get married when they are too young to know themselves much less another person
well enough to know their lifelong priorities. It is a gamble at this stage. I think you have to ask yourself
if this is moving in the right direction, but not rush the decision.

If this is very important to you, to be compatible she needs to be flexible to either help you or
let you own some of the financial decisions. Some people are happy to have someone else do the research
and make such spending/investing decisions. Others want to do it themselves. The only problem would be if
she were unwilling to learn and unwilling to delegate to you, and makes rash decisions. That would not work.

Good luck !
We've had discussion about this and basically came to a conclusion that I'm a better fit (and more motivated) in handling our finances if we do move on. She has let me know that it wouldn't be a problem if I handled things like where to contribute our savings, how to allocate the investments, how much to automatically deduct from paychecks, etc..... She might leave it alone about things such as asset allocations (might not even bother to look - which is good) and automatic deductions which hopefully we become adapt to it enough to not even notice - but my underlying concern is that things happen in life. What if we have unexpected large expenses and she suddenly wants to decrease automatic deductions but I somehow believe that we can make it otherwise with a few sacrifices. What if our 6 yr old/80,0000 miles vehicle starts having problems and she is becoming tired of small fixes that we had to inconvenience ourselves for the past 3 months - and I try to convince her that these small fixes are nothing compared to a brand new $10,000 car loan, and that after these fixes, it may be good for another 6 yrs? I know these are all hypothetical, but my point is - I don't believe that the issue is as simple as agreeing to common goals in WORDS only. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that they cannot afford to save, because I disagree greatly. I believe that no matter how bad the situation is, most of us can afford to save SOMETHING (even a very little). Maybe a few sacrifices here and there to make it work but at least something. I want to make sure my partner would have the same sense about that because these are things that couples really fight over if they're not. I know I'm being very pessimistic, but these are real concerns that I keep thinking about.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Dutch » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:05 pm

Research has shown that, on average, women are better investors than men when it comes to 401(k)/403(b). The reason: they tend to make fewer changes.

Just thought I'd throw that little nugget out there :D

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by workingovertime » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:09 pm

Also in addition to my last post above, thank you for all of the responses.
I feel like maybe I've been focused too much on the small things that really may not matter all that much in a big picture.

I just worry because I'm looking to be with someone who will still understand in the worst of times (it can happen).
We do have the same goal (apparently), but don't everyone say that? Most people say that they want to save money and do well financially... but most of our population don't take it to the heart and make it happen :|

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Re: Are Males just not interested in investing in general?

Post by celia » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:11 pm

Not sure if it's just the type of man I married, but this is the perception that I get. He just wasn't interested in employee benefits until I asked to see the company's literature about them and told him which would be good to sign up for. He would tell me about the tax preparer that "all the teachers" that taught with him were using and whom they raved about in the teacher's lounge. He figured they were taking advantage of some loophole we didn't know about so we had the tax preparer do our taxes one year. It turned out the preparer was simply a data entry person and most of the teachers were over-withheld on their taxes. That's why they got those huge refunds! I was a coupon user starting when we were married, but he was embarrassed to be seen using them, until he saw how much could be saved. When car shopping, he knew we could never get the newspaper advertised price since that car was always "sold" by the time we got there until I found ways to get the car at an even lower price than what the advertised price was. He always expected to pay retail price for things, whereas I would often ask where people purchased things at a good price and would shop there.

With an accumulation of different things like this, we were able to put the savings out of reach into investments AND NOT SPEND IT. Eventually we found that it would be easier to just "pay yourself first" by setting up automatic transfers of money into savings right after it was received. :D
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Re: Are Males just not interested in investing in general?

Post by OakPhilliesFan » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:19 pm

celia wrote:Not sure if it's just the type of man I married, but this is the perception that I get. He just wasn't interested in employee benefits until I asked to see the company's literature about them and told him which would be good to sign up for. He would tell me about the tax preparer that "all the teachers" that taught with him were using and whom they raved about in the teacher's lounge. He figured they were taking advantage of some loophole we didn't know about so we had the tax preparer do our taxes one year. It turned out the preparer was simply a data entry person and most of the teachers were over-withheld on their taxes. That's why they got those huge refunds! I was a coupon user starting when we were married, but he was embarrassed to be seen using them, until he saw how much could be saved. When car shopping, he knew we could never get the newspaper advertised price since that car was always "sold" by the time we got there until I found ways to get the car at an even lower price than what the advertised price was. He always expected to pay retail price for things, whereas I would often ask where people purchased things at a good price and would shop there.

With an accumulation of different things like this, we were able to put the savings out of reach into investments AND NOT SPEND IT. Eventually we found that it would be easier to just "pay yourself first" by setting up automatic transfers of money into savings right after it was received. :D
Hmm, interesting story. I think having one partner delegate to the other on these things is perfectly fine as long as both of you are happy with it and it helps you meet your goals. It benefits both people if at least one of you is interested in managing finances and saving -- one is better than none! So as long as there is no resentment on either side, sounds like it worked out very well.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by celia » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:29 pm

workingovertime wrote: . . . but my underlying concern is that things happen in life. What if we have unexpected large expenses and she suddenly wants to decrease automatic deductions but I somehow believe that we can make it otherwise with a few sacrifices. What if our 6 yr old/80,0000 miles vehicle starts having problems and she is becoming tired of small fixes that we had to inconvenience ourselves for the past 3 months - and I try to convince her that these small fixes are nothing compared to a brand new $10,000 car loan, and that after these fixes, it may be good for another 6 yrs?
Although you will sometimes disagree on this like things, sometimes you will jointly agree to your proposed solution and sometimes hers. Sometimes the solution will be a blend of both ideas. And sometimes you will agree to disagree. Just don't think that your "solution" always has to be the way it should be done. Money is a resource to use, but sometimes the answer isn't the optimal financial decision. Sometimes it is an emotional, personal, or medically recommended solution.
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:30 pm

OP - you need to chill out. You may take something that has the makings of being good, and doing some real damage. You can be frugal and accomplish your goals while enjoying each other or you can be cheap, miserable and alone. If money issues lead to divorce, number two on the list is the partner's inability to compromise on minutiae and communication issues. You are 26 - since no one has said it, let me be the first: s@$- happens, in good times and in bad times. Life is a bunch of "what ifs". Accept it, control what you can, make do when you can not. And please, relax and enjoy your youth.
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by workingovertime » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:42 pm

Grt2bOutdoors wrote:OP - you need to chill out. You may take something that has the makings of being good, and doing some real damage. You can be frugal and accomplish your goals while enjoying each other or you can be cheap, miserable and alone. If money issues lead to divorce, number two on the list is the partner's inability to compromise on minutiae and communication issues. You are 26 - since no one has said it, let me be the first: s@$- happens, in good times and in bad times. Life is a bunch of "what ifs". Accept it, control what you can, make do when you can not. And please, relax and enjoy your youth.
Thanks. I'll intend to work on that.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by sketchy9 » Wed Apr 27, 2016 7:44 pm

workingovertime wrote:**note - this thread isn't intended to be sexist in any way. I'm more or less looking for advises and want to hear your experiences on the topic.

Not sure if it's just the type of women that I date but this is the perception that I get. I'm 26 right now and I realize that having a partner with the same financial mind will be very important. I've been pretty serious with mine for about a 1 1/2 yr now. So far while being with me, she has set her workplace 401k to the company match max (she ignored it for the entire time there which was about 4 years), lowered reoccurring expenses such as cable and phone to the appropriate amount (was paying crazy amount for cable that she rarely watches and had unlimited phone plans. We looked at the data history and turns out that she rarely goes over 5gb/month), and moved regular savings to a "high-yield" savings account . I can accept the whole part about ignoring 401k for years if she really just wasn't interested in investing (many smart people just don't care about the topic or hasn't had the opportunity to be exposed to it). The things mentioned above are relatively easy once it is done but I'm afraid she isn't really on the same page when it comes to money on a daily basis and is a "spender". For example, I don't think she understands the significance of $5 here and $10 there. I could put it on the paper and explain it to her (I haven't by the way. I'm not trying to be overly pushy) but even after when the numbers are clear, some people just think differently, or just don't care. I also don't understand when people (those who are not broke and have enough funds) don't use cash-back credit cards for every purchases. You earn 1% or more for all purchases or more. If you manage your money right, it's basically free money. Some people might say that they do understand these small things, but it's another story to actually truly realize the value of them. I would want someone to understand the true difference between needs vs wants. For example, HD channels are NOT a need, especially when you have same channels non-HD. Sure, you sacrifice the lesser quality, and some people might argue the value of better quality.. but that's the difference between people who FEELS that they NEED to have certain things. I'm sort of ranting now, but it has been one of my huge worries lately. I don't want to end up with someone who frequently spends on what I believe are unnecessary things and things that can be sacrificed. I want to be with someone who actually gets it, have the common goals, and strive for it as hard as I do. When I retire later on in life, it would mean so much more to know that we both worked hard and sacrificed together to reach our goals - as opposed to one sacrificing more than the other and feeling like you're trying to make up for the other half's nonchalant behavior of spending throughout. I realize that money isn't everything and life isn't all about getting every single things right and being "logical" about it.. but at the same time, I don't want to be blind to inevitable issues and end up in a bad situation. I've heard many stories of people who THOUGHT they could make it work and ignore the signs, only to realize that they really couldn't make it work because in the end, it's really just who they are - savers vs spenders
It seems to me that your girlfriend is very interested in investing-- once you explained the benefits of it. It sounds like she did all the right things once she learned about them. No problem there.

Your issue seems to be about spending habits, not investing habits. That is a much tougher nut to crack. For instance, you don't see the value in HD channels when a low-res 4:3 version of the channel exists. I can tell you that most people, men and women, would find that a high barrier to clear, at any age. Some might even consider it miserly.

I'm not here to criticize your priorities. They are important to you and so you should make every effort to ensure you are satisfied with your and your partner's spending habits. My experience has been that it takes a herculean effort to try and change people's spending and what they prioritize. Rather than attempt to bring people to your point of view you might be better served trying to find someone who shares it already.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by arcticpineapplecorp. » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:11 pm

First let me say, I'm amazed at the depth of responses so far. The explanations are so much more thoughtful than what passes for information (entertainment, really) on financial radio and/or television shows (though there are constraints there that we don't have here).

Anyway, I don't know if women are less interested in investing than men; I've never taken a survey of that so I honestly don't know. I do know there tends to be more variation within groups than between groups. So you will find some women and some men that are not interested in investing and some men and some women who are. That makes men and women more similar on the whole than different from one another.

One final thought is that women should be as interested (if not more) in investing than men, for the simple reason that their life expectancy tends to be longer. Therefore, they have to get their nest egg to last even longer than men (on average). That's reason enough that women should be encouaged to learn about investing.
Last edited by arcticpineapplecorp. on Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by JoinToday » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:12 pm

workingovertime wrote: Not sure if it's just the type of women that I date but this is the perception that I get.
You only mentioned one woman that you are dating; have you had similar issues with other women?

My belief is this: you need to make sure all the big pieces are in place, and lighten up on the small things. A lot of this is dependent on your & her income, but if she is saving (living below her means), that is a big one. If she is making $100K, saving 20%, I wouldn't fret about $5 or $10 here or there.

I was always a saver, but didn't really learn "the way of the bogleheads" until age 45 or so (painful when I think about it). Although I was a saver, I had fun in my 20's. Going out, restaurants, beer, doing stuff. I always say (in jest) that life would be much cheaper just to sit at home on my recliner & watch TV. But what a poor way to live. Life is more enjoyable when I loosen up on the purse strings.

Some of the things you mention aren't going to make a big difference in the overall scheme of things, won't make the difference between filet mignon & lobster (surf & turf) vs cat food.
I wish I had learned about index funds 25 years ago

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by gwrvmd » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:15 pm

A male very frugal Boglehead here
It sounds like you are in a fairly good situation but are starting to worry about the weekly $5.00 discretionary minutiae.....everybody need to have some discretionary spending.....both you and her.
If you are going to follow her around the supermarket evaluating every thing she puts in the cart....You are going to live your life alone......Gordon
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by jackholloway » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:21 pm

The people I worked with when I was 26 had two groups - adrenaline junkies who invested in stocks, market timed, and eventually day traded, and the people who were not adrenaline junkies. The latter group often saved, usually had IRAs or took advantage of company matches, but were somewhat haphazard about it. Interestingly enough, the slow and steady tended to do about as well as the average of the first group, but the big winners of the first group got all the comment.

I knew very few female adrenaline junkies, but the overall group was not that large as a fraction of the people I knew. The second group was far larger, and was pretty much gender balanced.

NB, I was it the first group. I was raised by an investment analyst, and thought I knew how the market worked. I did not realize just how much work had gone into developing investment skill, and what a small edge it was. I made a number of "big" stock trades, that today would be less than my dividends, but were really major to me at the time. I got all excited when I won, and all unhappy when I lost money.

Eventually, I realized that bulls and bears both win, but pigs lose, and picked a more automatic strategy that caters to my own behavioral finance traps. Interestingly, that was when I found I had common ground with people of both genders.

As others have said, do not conflate interest in investing with squeezing pennies until they scream. You need to be on the same page with your partner, but you also need some adaptability.

JoinToday
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by JoinToday » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:36 pm

Whenever someone writes about being frugal, I am reminded of Hetty Green, the richest woman in her time:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hetty_Green

I sad existence.
I wish I had learned about index funds 25 years ago

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by surfhb » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:39 pm

workingovertime wrote:**note - this thread isn't intended to be sexist in any way. I'm more or less looking for advises and want to hear your experiences on the topic.

Not sure if it's just the type of women that I date but this is the perception that I get. I'm 26 right now and I realize that having a partner with the same financial mind will be very important. I've been pretty serious with mine for about a 1 1/2 yr now. So far while being with me, she has set her workplace 401k to the company match max (she ignored it for the entire time there which was about 4 years), lowered reoccurring expenses such as cable and phone to the appropriate amount (was paying crazy amount for cable that she rarely watches and had unlimited phone plans. We looked at the data history and turns out that she rarely goes over 5gb/month), and moved regular savings to a "high-yield" savings account . I can accept the whole part about ignoring 401k for years if she really just wasn't interested in investing (many smart people just don't care about the topic or hasn't had the opportunity to be exposed to it). The things mentioned above are relatively easy once it is done but I'm afraid she isn't really on the same page when it comes to money on a daily basis and is a "spender". For example, I don't think she understands the significance of $5 here and $10 there. I could put it on the paper and explain it to her (I haven't by the way. I'm not trying to be overly pushy) but even after when the numbers are clear, some people just think differently, or just don't care. I also don't understand when people (those who are not broke and have enough funds) don't use cash-back credit cards for every purchases. You earn 1% or more for all purchases or more. If you manage your money right, it's basically free money. Some people might say that they do understand these small things, but it's another story to actually truly realize the value of them. I would want someone to understand the true difference between needs vs wants. For example, HD channels are NOT a need, especially when you have same channels non-HD. Sure, you sacrifice the lesser quality, and some people might argue the value of better quality.. but that's the difference between people who FEELS that they NEED to have certain things. I'm sort of ranting now, but it has been one of my huge worries lately. I don't want to end up with someone who frequently spends on what I believe are unnecessary things and things that can be sacrificed. I want to be with someone who actually gets it, have the common goals, and strive for it as hard as I do. When I retire later on in life, it would mean so much more to know that we both worked hard and sacrificed together to reach our goals - as opposed to one sacrificing more than the other and feeling like you're trying to make up for the other half's nonchalant behavior of spending throughout. I realize that money isn't everything and life isn't all about getting every single things right and being "logical" about it.. but at the same time, I don't want to be blind to inevitable issues and end up in a bad situation. I've heard many stories of people who THOUGHT they could make it work and ignore the signs, only to realize that they really couldn't make it work because in the end, it's really just who they are - savers vs spenders

I I I....me, me , me

This whole rant is all about what you want and need. Have you sat down and discussed this with her? What was her response when you discussed HER goals? :D

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by LarryAllen » Wed Apr 27, 2016 8:46 pm

I do think you are over thinking things. Live a little. Relax. Take a chill pill.

The woman of your dreams may not do everything exactly like you do.

It would be pretty boring if you two were identical.

Keep up YOUR own careful ways with money but don't turn away from women, especially young women, who aren't as interesting in finance. Most 26 year olds are not that interested in finance. I know I wasn't.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by bluejello » Wed Apr 27, 2016 9:02 pm

Hi workingovertime,

Your post reminds me of many discussions I've had with my husband — except exactly reversed. I come from a more humble financial background than he does, and due to this (and perhaps also innate personality differences) I'm the one who's more concerned about saving money, budgeting, cutting unnecessary costs like cable, etc.

So my first piece of advice would be to stop generalizing from your particular relationship to "all women" and "all men". This is a disagreement between you and your girlfriend, end of story.

The other thing I would say is that no matter how perfect your match, every couple always has at least some major irreconciliable differences. Every. Single. Couple.

It could be religion, money, desire for socializing vs. alone time, political differences, being a morning bird vs. a night owl, messy vs. neat, where you want to live, or any of a myriad other things but the differences will always be there. You will never ever find someone with whom you don't disagree on at least 2-3 big things. Successful couples figure out how to communicate about these differences, and how to navigate around them.

When my husband and I first got together, I remember we had many disagreements where we both took the tone that you have in your initial post. "Why can't you just see that I am right, it's so obvious that I am right and you just need to come around to my point of view."

We quickly learned that this tone doesn't get us anywhere. Most importantly, it's not the TRUTH in any objective sense. You have your version of reality in which she is too spendthrifty and doesn't understand the importance of investing. She probably has her version of reality in which you are penny-pinching and overly obsessed with investing, and you don't understand how to enjoy life. Both of you are right, and neither of you are. The beautiful thing about a long-term relationship is that it presents you with the opportunity to see the world through another person's eyes.

Here's some suggestions for what you can try instead:
  • "I feel strongly about X Y Z, can I share with you my thoughts and why I feel this way?"
  • "I read this book / forum / article recently about personal investing and I think it's really interesting, I'd like to share it with you. Can you please read this and let me know what you think?"
  • "In my family, we did X with regards to finances. How was it handled in your family?"
  • "What do you think are things that are worth splurging on, and what do you like to be frugal about?"
  • "For me, watching my budget very carefully and saving as much money as possible gives me a great feeling of security about my future. When I retire later on in life, it would mean so much more to know that we both worked hard and sacrificed together to reach our goals. How do you think about managing money? Does it make you anxious? Do you like making long-term plans or budgets?"

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by JonnyDVM » Wed Apr 27, 2016 9:11 pm

Relax dude. Most people aren't interested in personal finance. Men or women. Just not very exciting. I think most relationships have one person that is more financially involved. My wife is mildly interested but certainly not reading financial forums. She's actually got me turned onto rewards credit cards. Sounds like you're moving the needle a little on the 401k which is good. Don't stress about it and enjoy being in your 20s. It doesn't sound like you're totally incompatible financially, just that she might need to reign it back a bit and you maybe need to consider loosening up a bit. By the way- HD TV in the United States is essentially a need. If some woman told me I had to give it up she'd be out the door. You ever watch sports in standard definition these days? I think it's actually considered a human rights violation by the UN.
Last edited by JonnyDVM on Thu Apr 28, 2016 10:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by bluejello » Wed Apr 27, 2016 9:16 pm

workingovertime wrote:but my underlying concern is that things happen in life. What if we have unexpected large expenses and she suddenly wants to decrease automatic deductions but I somehow believe that we can make it otherwise with a few sacrifices. What if our 6 yr old/80,0000 miles vehicle starts having problems and she is becoming tired of small fixes that we had to inconvenience ourselves for the past 3 months - and I try to convince her that these small fixes are nothing compared to a brand new $10,000 car loan, and that after these fixes, it may be good for another 6 yrs? I know these are all hypothetical, but my point is - I don't believe that the issue is as simple as agreeing to common goals in WORDS only. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that they cannot afford to save, because I disagree greatly. I believe that no matter how bad the situation is, most of us can afford to save SOMETHING (even a very little). Maybe a few sacrifices here and there to make it work but at least something. I want to make sure my partner would have the same sense about that because these are things that couples really fight over if they're not. I know I'm being very pessimistic, but these are real concerns that I keep thinking about.
Yup, I can tell you that this fear is 100% guaranteed to happen. You're basically saying you're afraid that you will have ongoing future disagreements with your spouse, and guess what? Everyone does. Even if you break up with this woman and find another woman who thinks about money exactly the way you do, you will inevitably fight about something else.

The trick is, do you think you can handle disagreements with THIS woman? Do you believe that no matter what happens later in life, the two of you will be able to rationally discuss it, not bite each other's heads off, and come to some acceptable compromise? Do you trust in your ability to communicate and sympathise with each other's points of view even when you vehemently disagree?

If the answer is yes, then you have a keeper.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by MathWizard » Wed Apr 27, 2016 9:30 pm

Financially, I've always been more interested in the long term and my wife in the short term.
I also grew up poorer than she did, so that may play into that dynamic as well.

We respect each other's opinions, even when we disagree. This actually gives us a good balance,
as otherwise I might end up one of the richest men in the graveyard.

She definitely is not a spendthrift, I just tend to be more concerned with finances than she is (at least at
the current time.)

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by 6miths » Wed Apr 27, 2016 10:02 pm

LAlearning wrote:you had your answer at "im 26". the majority of ppl need more time to mature. this forum is not filled with those people however.
+1

I'm sure that even most of the BH crowd wasn't interested in discussing investing when they were in their early to mid-20s. I sure wasn't. The fact that I had no money at all may have had something to do with it.
'It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so!' Mark Twain

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by wolf359 » Wed Apr 27, 2016 10:29 pm

workingovertime wrote:** For example, HD channels are NOT a need, especially when you have same channels non-HD. Sure, you sacrifice the lesser quality, and some people might argue the value of better quality.. but that's the difference between people who FEELS that they NEED to have certain things.
Why are you PAYING for inferior SD channels when the uncompressed HD channels are available for FREE over the air?!?

Why do you feel the need to pay for it?

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Stupendous » Thu Apr 28, 2016 12:47 am

It's mostly your age. People are still figuring out who they are in their 20's. I didn't start to learn more until I was 30.

Be careful with how you approach your gf on this. My ex said I came off as a constant lecturer.

randomguy
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by randomguy » Thu Apr 28, 2016 3:50 am

6miths wrote:
LAlearning wrote:you had your answer at "im 26". the majority of ppl need more time to mature. this forum is not filled with those people however.
+1

I'm sure that even most of the BH crowd wasn't interested in discussing investing when they were in their early to mid-20s. I sure wasn't. The fact that I had no money at all may have had something to do with it.
-1. The issue isn't age. Most people (of any age or gender) have little interest in investing and personal finance. And of those, even fewer want to be obsessive-compulsive the way some people are worrying about every penny in their live.

And even fewer want to live as cheap as possible.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by FireProof » Thu Apr 28, 2016 4:38 am

Yes, and that's generally a good thing. Men are more likely to think they can develop a brilliant investment strategy, and thus their returns are lower, on average, than woman, who are more likely to simply buy and hold.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by joebh » Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:07 am

Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?
It's certainly foolish to lump all women into any single category. Some women are interested in invested and some are not - just as some men are interested in investing and some are not.

So if you aren't seeing the level of interest that you "require" during your dates, there are a few possibilities
- you are dating the wrong women
- your expectations are unrealistic
- you don't really know how to gauge the level of someone else's "interest in investing" (whatever that means)
- some combination of all of the above

I find that many people change their saving/spending habits to suit their current and future needs. At some points in their lives, most people concentrate on things other than investing. At other points in their lives, most people become more serious about planning for their future.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by JeffAL » Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:30 am

Calm down, man. Make sure you don't become the problem in the relationship. Save money but enjoy life too. You're going to get a lot of curve balls thrown at you in life so everything won't go according to your plan. Realize everybody is different. BTW, your question is sexist.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Lynette » Thu Apr 28, 2016 6:41 am

deleted
Last edited by Lynette on Thu Apr 28, 2016 8:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

mptfan
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by mptfan » Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:02 am

I think there are two separate issues being conflated here. The first is the mechanics of personal finance and investing, and the second is frugality. Someone can be very frugal and not be good at the mechanics of personal finance and investing (think little old lady who keeps her money in cash under her mattress), and someone can be very good at the mechanics of personal finance but be a spendthrift (think of someone who makes $200k a year but is only able to scrape together $5k at the end of the year, but is smart enough to put it in a Vanguard Target Retirement Fund in a Roth IRA).

Regarding the first issue, I call that the mechanics of personal finance, and it involves how you handle your money, including which credit card to use, whether to use debit cards, what bank or credit union to use, how to invest, whether to use index funds, whether to use CDs, etc. Most people are not interested in the mechanics of personal finance and only "deal" with it to the extent that they have to, and Bogleheads are definitely the minority in this area. I think a Boglehead can be compatible with someone who is not interested in the mechanics of personal finance and investing so long as that person is willing to delegate the handling of the money and investing to the other, in fact that would be better than someone who is interested in the mechanics of investing and has their own ideas that are incompatible with being a Boglehead, like investing in individual stocks, or options, or whole life insurance, or a high price advisor, etc.

The second issue is much more important, and that is whether two people in a relationship are generally at the same level of frugality. It would be extremely rare for two people to be at the same level in all areas of spending, so some differences are to be expected and can be accepted, but if the differences are too great the relationship will not likely survive. If one person is an extreme saver and the other is an extreme spender, the relationship is doomed and no amount of communication and compromise will save it. In general, if you rate people on a frugal scale from 0 (the most frugal person in the world) to 10 (the most spendthrift person in the world), I think for two people to be compatible they have to be within 3 of each other. So I think you need to do an honest assessment of yourself and of your girlfriend... if you give yourself a 2 on the frugal scale and her an 8, then I think you are doomed. (I'm not saying that is the case, just giving a hypothetical) If you give yourself a 3 and she is a 5, then I think it can work and you need to compromise. Having said that, if someone is at the same overall level of spending that you are, it really doesn't matter whether they choose to spend their money on things that you think are a waste and vice versa, it is the overall level of frugality that matters, and you have to give people room to make spending decisions within reason on things that are important to them.

Sometimes the differences in overall levels of frugality may not be obvious in the very early stages of dating especially if you do not talk about money, and this is especially true when you are young and neither of you have much money so there is little opportunity to use it wastefully, and sometimes even when the differences become apparent you may think to yourself "he/she is so great in other areas, I think I can work around it or compromise and accept that he/she is a spender/saver" but in the end, in my opinion, if the difference in frugality and spending/saving is great, the relationship is doomed to failure.
Last edited by mptfan on Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:18 am, edited 4 times in total.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by carolinaman » Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:07 am

Marriage is a give and take proposition. Both spouses need to be flexible and adaptive, at least to a point. It seems you really get peeved about her spending habits and lack of attention to financial matters. Whereas I agree this is an important topic for a couple and some compatibility is necessary, you come across to me as too controlling. How have you responded when she pushes back on some of your recommendations?

My wife spends too much money on clothes and other things. Fortunately, we can afford it. I used to get very upset about this and would get angry at her for doing this. I finally decided life is too short and our relationship is too important to continue that. I no longer obsess over this. There are far more important things to worry about than that. That has made my life and our relationship better.

I doubt you will find a mate who has your same financial discipline and outlook. You and she will both have to compromise to some extent. Do you have the ability to compromise with your loved one? That is an important consideration as you go forward in your relationship.

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teen persuasion
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by teen persuasion » Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:15 am

I'm the one interested in finances, and my husband has absolutely no interest whatsoever. He is perfectly happy to let me direct his 401k contributions, our IRA investments, do our taxes, teach the kids about finances, etc. Yes, we have had differences of opinion on spending, but we've learned the art of compromise. Our test is generally : is this good for our family, long term - is it important to one member, important/detrimental in the long run, and so on. DH would definitely rather spend freely, w/o regard to a budget, but he reins it in since he recognizes that following my budgeting lets him (and the rest of us) live a better life w/o feast or famine rollercoaster finances, and we have growing assets for our future.

I find that the differences between us are a benefit. We bring double the skills and viewpoints to our marriage. We can play divide & conquer on all sorts of issues, something that has served us well as the parents of 5 kids!

The most important issue here is how the two of you deal with your differences and conflicts. Do you (either party) dig in your heels, insisting that your way is the only right way? Do you listen to your partner's POV, and come to a mutual decision? Is there give and take? Do you learn from one another? Can you compromise?

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Durzo » Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:40 am

23 y/o male here

1. It is definitely true in my circle of friends. I can name 15-20 male friends my age that I can talk about investing with. Not necessarily "Boglehead" investing, but they know about S&P 500, pre tax vs post tax, compounding returns etc.

2. I can only think of 2 similar female friends. Usually when the topic comes up they are lost or just talk about something else. It could just be that they do not like talking about it?

3. For the immediate future being finance savvy is not a quality I look for in a girl. However, it seems like i'll have to deal with it in a few years.
-Joey

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by 10YearPlan » Thu Apr 28, 2016 7:56 am

Female here.

While I don't believe it to be true that most females are not interested in investing, I do think that spending habits are often? typically? influenced by gender. For example, shoes. Most men that I know do not understand nor appreciate shoes the way most women do. If a woman spends a lot of money on shoes per year, it doesn't necessarily mean she is wrong or has a spending problem, she's simply prioritizing differently. I don't get my husband's need for the latest tech item, but I don't have to...as long as we have the same overall priorities around saving/investing, those details are not mine to worry about.

I would advise you to stop sweating the small stuff here and look at the bigger picture: is she coming to you for money to fuel her spending binges? Well, that would be a ginormous red flag. But if she makes money, saves money and just spends a little more along the way, that is not necessarily a bad thing, even if it is different than you would do it.

I saw something recently and I cannot recall where, but it spoke to me. It was something like 5+5 =10, 6+4=10, 8+2=10, 9+1=10, etc...
If 10 is your goal, there is no single RIGHT way to get there.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by BHUser27 » Thu Apr 28, 2016 8:05 am

workingovertime wrote: I've been pretty serious with mine for about a 1 1/2 yr now. So far while being with me, she has...<snip>

I can accept the whole part about ignoring 401k...

...I'm afraid she isn't really on the same page when it comes to money on a daily basis and is a "spender". For example...

I don't want to be blind to inevitable issues and end up in a bad situation. I've heard many stories of people who THOUGHT they could make it work and ignore the signs, only to realize that they really couldn't make it work because in the end, it's really just who they are - savers vs spenders
OP (and others) -

Read the excerpts from OP's original post above. I think the thread title is misleading. OP is not asking a general question about females and investing. To me, OP is worried and asking about his *current relationship with his current girlfriend of 1.5yrs*.

OP - you are right to be concerned about finance & money issues in a relationship. I believe money is one of the top three issues in relationships & marriages and is a top cause of divorce (I think - I did not take time to google this)

It really doesn't matter how many females in general care about investing.

You need to talk this out with your girl. Be honest. Express your feelings and concerns about the matter. Then silently listen to her feelings and concerns without judgement. If you are able to share feelings and come to a rational agreement based on affection and fair compromise, then you might have a chance.

Good Luck! :wink:

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by vested1 » Thu Apr 28, 2016 8:25 am

To the OP: Most couples have a vastly different interest in financial matters, and most individuals think their outlook is the correct one, or they wouldn't maintain their opinions. Be aware that your exacting standards may lead to a much greater loss that is more meaningful than financial gain. The first step is to agree on a goal, and a loosely structured budget that's not too draconian.

It's important to note that your partner may not appreciate it when you "put it on the paper and explain it to her" if you come across as patronizing. I would not identify items that she spends money on as "unnecessary" unless you are prepared to have her point out similar expenditures of yours.

You state that "having a partner with the same financial mind will be very important. I've been pretty serious with mine for about a 1 1/2 yr now." When you had your epiphany did you think that your girlfriend would have a similar one simultaneously? At 26, you have the advantage of time on your side. As others have mentioned; relax and take a step back. Realize that the most desirable trait in a partner is individuality, not mindless adherence to the other's financial regimen, among other things.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by Joey_Freshwater » Thu Apr 28, 2016 9:08 am

workingovertime wrote:**note - this thread isn't intended to be sexist in any way. I'm more or less looking for advises and want to hear your experiences on the topic.

Not sure if it's just the type of women that I date but this is the perception that I get. I'm 26 right now and I realize that having a partner with the same financial mind will be very important. I've been pretty serious with mine for about a 1 1/2 yr now. So far while being with me, she has set her workplace 401k to the company match max (she ignored it for the entire time there which was about 4 years), lowered reoccurring expenses such as cable and phone to the appropriate amount (was paying crazy amount for cable that she rarely watches and had unlimited phone plans. We looked at the data history and turns out that she rarely goes over 5gb/month), and moved regular savings to a "high-yield" savings account . I can accept the whole part about ignoring 401k for years if she really just wasn't interested in investing (many smart people just don't care about the topic or hasn't had the opportunity to be exposed to it). The things mentioned above are relatively easy once it is done but I'm afraid she isn't really on the same page when it comes to money on a daily basis and is a "spender". For example, I don't think she understands the significance of $5 here and $10 there. I could put it on the paper and explain it to her (I haven't by the way. I'm not trying to be overly pushy) but even after when the numbers are clear, some people just think differently, or just don't care. I also don't understand when people (those who are not broke and have enough funds) don't use cash-back credit cards for every purchases. You earn 1% or more for all purchases or more. If you manage your money right, it's basically free money. Some people might say that they do understand these small things, but it's another story to actually truly realize the value of them. I would want someone to understand the true difference between needs vs wants. For example, HD channels are NOT a need, especially when you have same channels non-HD. Sure, you sacrifice the lesser quality, and some people might argue the value of better quality.. but that's the difference between people who FEELS that they NEED to have certain things. I'm sort of ranting now, but it has been one of my huge worries lately. I don't want to end up with someone who frequently spends on what I believe are unnecessary things and things that can be sacrificed. I want to be with someone who actually gets it, have the common goals, and strive for it as hard as I do. When I retire later on in life, it would mean so much more to know that we both worked hard and sacrificed together to reach our goals - as opposed to one sacrificing more than the other and feeling like you're trying to make up for the other half's nonchalant behavior of spending throughout. I realize that money isn't everything and life isn't all about getting every single things right and being "logical" about it.. but at the same time, I don't want to be blind to inevitable issues and end up in a bad situation. I've heard many stories of people who THOUGHT they could make it work and ignore the signs, only to realize that they really couldn't make it work because in the end, it's really just who they are - savers vs spenders
workingovertime,

Been married for 1.5 years now. Religion, Personal Finanace, Where to live, Going out, Desire to have children, and importance of education are things that you should mostly agree on or be willing to compromise on. Like others have said, communication is key. If you have communicated that saving money is important to you and she isn't willing to work with you on it, then I think you need to find someone else. That being said, YOU also need to learn to compromise and realize that a weekly $5-$20 indulgence for your SO isn't going to break the bank.

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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by BHUser27 » Thu Apr 28, 2016 9:17 am

vested1 wrote:
(emphasis is mine)

To the OP: Most couples have a vastly different interest in financial matters, and most individuals think their outlook is the correct one, or they wouldn't maintain their opinions. Be aware that your exacting standards may lead to a much greater loss that is more meaningful than financial gain. The first step is to agree on a goal, and a loosely structured budget that's not too draconian.

It's important to note that your partner may not appreciate it when you "put it on the paper and explain it to her" if you come across as patronizing. I would not identify items that she spends money on as "unnecessary" unless you are prepared to have her point out similar expenditures of yours.

You state that "having a partner with the same financial mind will be very important. I've been pretty serious with mine for about a 1 1/2 yr now." When you had your epiphany did you think that your girlfriend would have a similar one simultaneously? At 26, you have the advantage of time on your side. As others have mentioned; relax and take a step back. Realize that the most desirable trait in a partner is individuality, not mindless adherence to the other's financial regimen, among other things.
^^^This is sound advice.
I've been married 28yrs.
Vested1's post is chock full of wisdom.
Read it, know it, live it.
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Re: Are females just not interested in investing in general or is it just the women that I date?

Post by LadyGeek » Thu Apr 28, 2016 9:34 am

I removed a few off-topic comments which were derailing the thread. Please stay focused on the investing aspects, not relationship issues.
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