Aussienam2020 wrote: ↑Mon Apr 12, 2021 9:50 am
Here I am in April 2021 an stumbled across this thread in a Google search for 'financial regrets depression' as my keywords.
I am suffering from chronic severe depression and PTSD.
Fast forward this original thread in 2015 to now and here I am, another guy who has spent the last year in absolute emotional turmoil over what I felt were stupid and irrational financial decisions.
I was medically discharged from police force and deemed total permanent disability. I have no prospects of working ever again. Retired in mid 40's. Now 52 and like original OP I constantly ruminate over and over, regretting my decisions and beating myself up over them over and over again. I wake up until a sweat, racing heart, crying, cannot get out of bed to face the day, etc.
My bad decisions:
* withdrew all my Australian Superannuation (same as 401k) as I panicked over the small lump sum payments I was given (zero pension for excops in Australia now). Big mistake as was a good Super fund.
* Bought a new apartment with money and rented it out to generate income. I panicked in 2018 property 'crash' - it wasn't really a crash but I listened to too much news forecasting massive falls in value by journalists and freaked out my retirement capital money would be wiped. Boy was I WRONG. Market now in 2021 is in biggest property boom in 32 years. I see news every day and my anxiety and angst is severe. Regret and depression overwhelming.
* After sale of property I had to invest it somewhere as a medically discharged self funded retiree. I had no other realistic option I could see to generate enough income stream so opted for the share market 'again'. 2019 was a boom time and I thought things were on my side. Then BAM - COVID struck. My shares plummeted to levels I never imagined were possible. My PTSD relapse was severe (amygdala 'fight flight' took over logical frontal cortex) and all I could think was to salvage what was left. I panic sold at the VERY BOTTOM. I was a blithering wreck.
I wanted to end it.
About a week later I managed to shove most of my cash from the sell off into managed funds. One fund has performed quite well (albeit nowhere near as good as if I had bought them back myself due to their fees) and another fund that has gone nowhere in a whole year.
I put the rest into a new, albeit inferior Superannuation fund and with my disability recognised, have started a self funded pension. I cannot get out of bed now until I know the share market has closed for the day. That is how traumatised I was.
* Years ago I bought some Bitcoin but after listening to naysayers and their idea of how foolish it was to invest, I sold them at break even. Now I see if had held I would have made a very healthy life changing profit. Another source of regret, depression and anxiety.
* I have no residence in Australia and moved to Thailand, as a place for respite. No clear plans how long I will be here or where I will end up, but I have effectively burnt my bridges in ever being able to afford to buy back into the property market there. And overseas I now realise the lack of medical support and cost of treatments. I live off $34,000AUD currently, which is impossible. I am over budget and feel like I'm in a dire financial bind. The money just isn't enough and I am already investing according to a risk profile that I already struggle with. And if the Australian tax office decide one day to deem me as a non-resident then my income stream will reduce several thousand dollars more.
Today I woke in a panic because of all these regrets and ongoing issues. I was hyperventilating, heart racing and a mess. This is day after day after day for me.
I read these threads from 2015 and they do provide comfort and do help with forgiving myself to a certain extent. I have to realise that reminders of the property market, share market, Bitcoin will virtually happen daily. I have to somehow not be affected by it . But for sure 2021 is the worst year of my life as the repurcussuons of past decisions are all now becoming crystal clear.