do you lie about your finances to friends

Non-investing personal finance issues including insurance, credit, real estate, taxes, employment and legal issues such as trusts and wills
rleonardh
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by rleonardh » Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:54 am

Working2notWork wrote:
rleonardh wrote: Other is this: Try to help poeple if possible, just don't get drug down.
"drug" might not be your best choice for a word here, as the proper, more formal, word is "dragged".
rleonardh wrote: So if you can help people by telling them and pointing them in right direction, do so.
I just helped you, do you feel helped or pissed off?
Thank you for pointing it out, I feel very helped out. Do you need any help or anything that we can point you to, a doctor or something??
Last edited by rleonardh on Wed Jul 02, 2014 12:10 am, edited 4 times in total.

sscritic
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by sscritic » Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:59 am

About houses:

The key word in public record is public. If you don't want your friends to know what you paid for your house, don't tell them where you live. If you have a party, invite only enemies and strangers.

My favorite real estate website is blockshopper. They show your every transfer with names. Put your house into your trust, and it will show up, with the name of the trust and the names of the trustees. One of my favorites was a little item on the front page about a local star real estate agent who had bought a house. When you looked at the record, you saw that he bought the house a while back and then was foreclosed on. Great, a deadbeat realtor! But it gets better. Not only did you see the name of the mortgage company that foreclosed, as they were the new owner after the transfer, but you saw that the deadbeat bought his own house back for $500k less than he had paid the first time. Smart? Deadbeat? Both? You can't make this stuff up.

Then there is the round robin, where family member and family trusts pass the house around. I always figure someone was going for bankruptcy and wanted to stash the house with someone else until it was over.

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pennstater2005
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by pennstater2005 » Tue Jul 01, 2014 9:54 am

sscritic wrote:
letsgobobby wrote: so how much did you pay for your house?

nb: i've already told you mine, you may recall, so quid pro quo...
I told you what the previous owner paid. Is that close enough?
Zillow says my house sold in 2003 for $540,000.
As for your house
We recently bought a much bigger house and find it is more than we need. A lot of rooms are just used for storage. (We went from 2800 sf to 4400 sf, we are also a family of 4).
I must have missed the price you paid for your new house or I forgot. Actually, I find that I am forgetting more and more recently, especially names of people.
Just remember, you are sscritic. Refer back to this post if you forget. If you forget about this post, well....... :confused
“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson

Ron
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Ron » Tue Jul 01, 2014 9:59 am

No need to lie - I have no friends (really) :mrgreen:

- Ron

rec7
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by rec7 » Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:47 am

Ron wrote:No need to lie - I have no friends (really) :mrgreen:

- Ron
I think there is a lot of truth to that in this modern world we live in.

sscritic
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by sscritic » Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:52 am

Ron wrote:No need to lie - I have no friends (really) :mrgreen:

- Ron
Have you tried explaining index funds to the Chinese in Beijing? Maybe after you introduce them to bogleheads, they will become your friends. You could start a local Beijing chapter.

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laughlinlvr
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by laughlinlvr » Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:17 am

pennstater2005 wrote:

If you are in decent shape and adequate on your own, it does make a lot of people displeased. It robs them of their audience for their gripes about how the world is rigged and it's impossible to take care of yourself. You are disqualifying yourself as a fellow traveler/complainer. Your gripes are 180 degrees different from theirs, usually.
I have a friend who's always on about how it's impossible to live "properly" anymore. A messy divorce (in a fault State she never said who was at fault), a career in a dying industry, an aversion to using her law degree to work for clients she disapproves of (polluters, exploiters etc.) and a habit of signing agreements and then looking to break them have led me to believe that there are some people who you can't tell how to blow their nose. Behind her back we are amazed at her sense of entitlement. As we are firmly "in the closet" regarding our net worth, she thinks we're in the same boat and so unloads freely on us. All advice - even the gentle stuff - is dismissed. Apparently her problems will be solved once the right Administration is elected.

A long time back a Boglehead wrote that those who feel they "deserve" a particular life are in a for a rude awakening. Nobody "deserves" anything. Or, as I prefer to say to my entitled friends: "America is more feral than people think."
Investing - The hardest way to make an easy living.

FRANK2009
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by FRANK2009 » Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:23 am

My few closest friends know. I just tell others that I'm doing OK. I'm not comfortable lying and no one needs to know specifics.

Ron
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Ron » Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:17 pm

sscritic wrote:
Ron wrote:No need to lie - I have no friends (really) :mrgreen:
po
- Ron
li
Have you tried explaining index funds to the Chinese in Beijing? Maybe after you introduce them to bogleheads, they will become your friends. You could start a local Beijing chapter.
So sorry; no can do.

They can't even build a skyscraper from point A to point B. They have to start at the ground, go up, around, and back down to the ground, winding up at the same elevation that they started at. How could they ever understand the simplicity of BH investing?

- Ron

P.S. - They still sell dog meat at the local night market. No foe of canines can be a friend to me :annoyed ...
Last edited by Ron on Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mudpuppy
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Mudpuppy » Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:19 pm

schuyler74 wrote:How you should answer depends on why they're asking, rarely is it helpful to disclose info about your own finances to someone who has no intention of doing anything differently. If they just want to vent (and not change) then you listen because you're their friend. If they actually want real advice on what or how to change, then you can still do that without revealing specifics. In any case: lying bad, helping good.
I think this is a very important distinction, particularly with people you want to keep as friends. If they just want to vent/commiserate, then offering advice will be poorly received (even if heartfelt and honest). If they want advice, then deflecting does not help them. The difficulty comes in determining if they are just venting or if they want advice.

Spirit Rider
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Spirit Rider » Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:31 pm

bobbun wrote:
prudent wrote:"Hey, prudent, what did you pay for your house?"
I have to answer: I'm not going to tell you what I paid.
And he accepts that.
You should tell him how to do a public records search!
Most people have no clue about what information is online. No reason, to give them a way to determine the answer they otherwise wouldn't know.

As others have stated, I will nod my head, empathize, sympathize, and obfuscate. Except in court, I do not consider the absence of the whole truth a lie. When confronted with direct questions, I always reply with indirect answers:

"What is your salary?" "More than most, less than some". My salary is above the median, so that is not a lie.
"How much did your pay for your house?" "An amount that kept my PITI below 25%".
"How much are your; investments, retirement accounts, or net worth?" "Not as much as I would like, but I am certainly not in the 1%."

If this is followed by an even more direct question, I decline to answer

On a related note: I am amazed by how many people come on a public forum (Bogleheads) and give actual amounts. There is an exceedingly rare case when the actual amount matters. Almost all cases can be served with just providing percentages.

Mike Scott
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Mike Scott » Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:38 pm

Everyone I work with knows pretty much what everyone else gets paid and where they live etc. I consider all of them fairly close friends. They probably don't want to know that our one income family is in better financial condition than most of their two income families because of past and ongoing financial choices. There is one exception and we share more specific information and strategies because we are generally going the same financial direction.

sscritic
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by sscritic » Tue Jul 01, 2014 12:47 pm

Speaking of public information. When I worked for the state, my salary was public information, as was everyone else's. If you wanted to know what someone else made, you just had to walk over to the library and get out the salary book for that year. The only hard part was knowing how to spell your friends' names.

Now if someone asked my how to find out what someone else (or more importantly, what I) made, which lie was I supposed to tell?

1) I don't know how.
2) I don't know where the library is.
3) I don't know how to read.

I guess I could lie about how to spell my name. That's ZZTop, not SSCritic.

texasdiver
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by texasdiver » Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:17 pm

My wife and I are an ordinary upper-middle class family of 5 who have done the ordinary prudent things of living within our means, maximizing our savings, and going about our affairs in a middle of the road bogleheadish way. Basically the things that one would expect most people in our position to do.

What often astonishes me is how rare that makes us in our circle. Maybe we just hear stories from those at the other end of the spectrum. I don't know. But we seem to be surrounded by so many who have made so many imprudent decisions.

Quitting careers to take up multi-level get rich quick marketing schemes (neighbor)

Pouring money into some sort of gold mining investment adventure in Canada that has yet to break ground 10 years later (uncle)

Wife quitting a rewarding career after husbands promotion because he wants her to and then they divorce (friend)

Parents with no retirement savings taking out massive loans to send kids to private colleges they can't afford (coworkers)

Buying 8 houses to flip in 2007 (cousin)

Time share and vacation rental horror stories (extended family)

Buying a house you can't afford and then buying another smaller one you can afford before the first one sells and getting stuck with 2 mortgages for a year until getting foreclosed on (neighbor)

It's just and endless stream of self-inflicted horror stories. All I ever really do is listen and nod. When once in a long while someone I know has something to sell or some sort of scheme my response is always. "Yeah....no. We aren't in any kind of position to think about that sort of thing at this point. I don't even know he we are going to get the girls through college". Which I suppose is something of a lie.

Grt2bOutdoors
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Grt2bOutdoors » Tue Jul 01, 2014 1:41 pm

Now, that I think about it, yes...I lied. When asked for money my typical response is: what money? all my money goes to pay the bills. That's true, but I fail to mention some of those bills begin with the word Vanguard or 401k or Mr. Roth. Those three accounts are very demanding, they can take as much money as you want to throw in them, with some limitations of course. The minimum payment required are always going up due to some new-fangled regulation called the "I want to retire one day and not eat Alpo act". :wink:
"One should invest based on their need, ability and willingness to take risk - Larry Swedroe" Asking Portfolio Questions

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sans souliers
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by sans souliers » Tue Jul 01, 2014 4:58 pm

I never lie about my finances, but I'm a prodigious flinger of obfuscation -- a manure spreader, sort of.

For instance, a former employee called me a few years ago when he had landed a job at an insurance company. This is probably one of the first assignments a new insurance/investments peddler gets - make a list of everyone you know and get them on the phone.
As soon as the purpose of his call-from-the-blue became evident, I let it slip that I couldn't extend myself any further financially - - I had credit card debt. I said this quietly as if I was letting him in on a secret. He sounded shocked that I had made this admission to him and excused himself quickly. Never heard from him again.

Regarding the CC debt, I wrote a check to pay off the balance when the statement came that month - the same thing I do for each monthly statement.
Sometimes pessimism leaves me pretty well prepared for when things don't go my way, and pleasantly surprised when they do.

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Artsdoctor
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Artsdoctor » Tue Jul 01, 2014 5:53 pm

There is virtually nothing good that can come out of discussing personal finances with friends, so no: even the closest friends and family members don't know our net worth.

Several friends have shown me their "portfolios" and have asked for guidance. I respect their candor and it has inevitably drawn us closer together as friends. But that's because they've asked for help and I've obliged.

The executor of our estate has a general ballpark because that was inevitable but even he will have no idea of specifics until opens our instructions and accounts when we're gone.

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Ged
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Ged » Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:26 pm

No, I don't talk about finances with my friends or coworkers. The ones that like to bring up that topic tend to eventually get cut out of my social life. The closest I come to saying anything about finances is when I tell people I am retired.

Sometimes investment strategy comes up. If they ask me a specific question about something I tell them my opinion in general terms. For example a boss once asked me what I thought about buying discount mutual funds rather than using an adviser (he was using Stanley Morgan manage his investments). I told him "that's what I do". Another friend asked me about investment books so I recommended "Four Pillars". However I don't bring up the topic on my own.

littlebird
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by littlebird » Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:39 pm

sscritic wrote:

Then there is the round robin, where family member and family trusts pass the house around. I always figure someone was going for bankruptcy and wanted to stash the house with someone else until it was over.
Or some (or all) are approaching $250,000/500,000 capitol gains exemption and "sell" their houses to others who will "sell" them back to them later.

peppers
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by peppers » Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:46 pm

..."Bless me father for I have sinned. I have told countless lies to family and friends about our finances. I walk around wearing shabby clothes and drive vehicles that even the junk yards refuse to take. For my penance I will make additional contributions to the grandchildren's college accounts, even though as they all know, grandpa is broke."


...ahhh, confession is good for the soul.
"..the cavalry ain't comin' kid, you're on your own..."

littlebird
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by littlebird » Tue Jul 01, 2014 6:56 pm

In my (senior) circle, lying about finances is a non-issue.

The real issue is: do you lie about your health? How are you? Fine. (Actually "you" may be having serious cardiac and pulmonary issues, being treated for prostate cancer and about to start treatment for macular degeneration) Do you reveal this and cast a pall over the contact? Does the other person mean: tell me how you really are, or does she mean: tell me you're fine. Will she respond with a list of her own complaints? Or will she be put out that although you are a friend, you didn't tell her that you were quite ill, therefore depriving her of a chance to offer help or solace? "I thought we were friends. How could you not tell me you have a possibly terminal illness.

THIS is an everyday problem in seniorville! :annoyed

TRC
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by TRC » Tue Jul 01, 2014 7:28 pm

I think this issue varies by age. I'm 36 - most of our friends are heavily leveraged with a big mortgage, paying daycare, etc. Our friends know we do well, but no one knows we are debt free. If they did know this, I suspect most would be resentful rather that happy for us.

sscritic
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by sscritic » Tue Jul 01, 2014 7:46 pm

TRC wrote:I think this issue varies by age. I'm 36 - most of our friends are heavily leveraged with a big mortgage, paying daycare, etc. Our friends know we do well, but no one knows we are debt free. If they did know this, I suspect most would be resentful rather that happy for us.
Have none of them noticed when they ride in your car that you are listening to Dave Ramsey? You need to scream louder.

tomd37
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by tomd37 » Tue Jul 01, 2014 7:50 pm

To reply to the original post, my parents always taught me that the three things you don't discuss in public are sex, religion, and politics. I have my own fourth item, personal finances. :moneybag
Tom D.

downshiftme
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by downshiftme » Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:09 pm

I am happy to talk personal finances with friends and generally try to offer helpful advice to anyone who asks for it. I'm pretty vague about my own situation, but not untruthful. So far I am 100% ignored by everyone who asked, except my kids. It turns out even when they asked, they didn't really want ideas, just wanted some sympathy for their plight. So now I'm heavy on sympathy - although I won't lie and pretend to be in the same kind of mess - but only offer suggestions if asked directly for advice. Which I'm still batting 100% with no one ever actually taking the advice.

On the other hand, my kids do seem to be actually doing what I suggested and are doing quite well for themselves, so I'm happy about that. And nice to see that the advice IS doable and people could follow it if they had any inclination to do so.

djgcpa
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by djgcpa » Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:51 pm

I lie about my personal finances to everyone, including myself.

If I admitted to myself what my real net worth is, I would be stressed about how much it's going up or down at any given time.

If anyone else asks, I tell them what I would like them to think or whatever amuses me.

I think honesty is way overrated…

IPer
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by IPer » Tue Jul 01, 2014 8:56 pm

novillero wrote:I commute with someone who is always complaining about being behind the 8-ball financially... high consumer debt, underwater house, etc. the middle class is doomed!!!

I make it seem like I am in the same boat as he, but I am not. I have gone through my ups and downs financially - and am by no means wealthy, but my wife and I save, and splurge only occasionally,

Yet I sympathize with him by just agreeing and I am sure he is under the impression that I have high consumer debt and that - like him - I may never get my head above water. I just find it easier this way, other than lecturing him about his poor financial habits.
Avoid these folk, it gets lonely at the top!

ps - If you are like me and you get that creepy feeling just before you are about to lie and would rather not and you do not want to combat your
friend/companion that you are seemingly stuck with (I would commute with someone else, eventually) then just try to find a way to dodge out of
these discussions, perhaps *sigh* and say how tired you are of these types of fruitless discussions...not sure how popular that will make you but
who cares, you need to protect yourself.
Read the Wiki Wiki !

IPer
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by IPer » Tue Jul 01, 2014 9:14 pm

texasdiver wrote:My wife and I are an ordinary upper-middle class family of 5 who have done the ordinary prudent things of living within our means, maximizing our savings, and going about our affairs in a middle of the road bogleheadish way. Basically the things that one would expect most people in our position to do.

What often astonishes me is how rare that makes us in our circle. Maybe we just hear stories from those at the other end of the spectrum. I don't know. But we seem to be surrounded by so many who have made so many imprudent decisions.

Quitting careers to take up multi-level get rich quick marketing schemes (neighbor)

Pouring money into some sort of gold mining investment adventure in Canada that has yet to break ground 10 years later (uncle)

Wife quitting a rewarding career after husbands promotion because he wants her to and then they divorce (friend)

Parents with no retirement savings taking out massive loans to send kids to private colleges they can't afford (coworkers)

Buying 8 houses to flip in 2007 (cousin)

Time share and vacation rental horror stories (extended family)

Buying a house you can't afford and then buying another smaller one you can afford before the first one sells and getting stuck with 2 mortgages for a year until getting foreclosed on (neighbor)

It's just and endless stream of self-inflicted horror stories. All I ever really do is listen and nod. When once in a long while someone I know has something to sell or some sort of scheme my response is always. "Yeah....no. We aren't in any kind of position to think about that sort of thing at this point. I don't even know he we are going to get the girls through college". Which I suppose is something of a lie.
Write a book, unfortunately I think it would be a great seller. You could even go back and sell it to these people!
Read the Wiki Wiki !

IPer
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by IPer » Tue Jul 01, 2014 9:21 pm

downshiftme wrote:I am happy to talk personal finances with friends and generally try to offer helpful advice to anyone who asks for it. I'm pretty vague about my own situation, but not untruthful. So far I am 100% ignored by everyone who asked, except my kids. It turns out even when they asked, they didn't really want ideas, just wanted some sympathy for their plight. So now I'm heavy on sympathy - although I won't lie and pretend to be in the same kind of mess - but only offer suggestions if asked directly for advice. Which I'm still batting 100% with no one ever actually taking the advice.

On the other hand, my kids do seem to be actually doing what I suggested and are doing quite well for themselves, so I'm happy about that. And nice to see that the advice IS doable and people could follow it if they had any inclination to do so.
Excellent, thanks, glad to hear you have been able to pass on some lessons!
Read the Wiki Wiki !

Mudpuppy
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Mudpuppy » Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:18 pm

sscritic wrote:Speaking of public information. When I worked for the state, my salary was public information, as was everyone else's. If you wanted to know what someone else made, you just had to walk over to the library and get out the salary book for that year. The only hard part was knowing how to spell your friends' names.

Now if someone asked my how to find out what someone else (or more importantly, what I) made, which lie was I supposed to tell?

1) I don't know how.
2) I don't know where the library is.
3) I don't know how to read.

I guess I could lie about how to spell my name. That's ZZTop, not SSCritic.
And in this day and age, at least for those of us whose paycheck says State of California on it, it really would have to be 1 or 3. Because you don't even have to go to the library anymore. You just wander on over to sacbee.com/statepay and peruse to your heart's content.

SimonSmith
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by SimonSmith » Tue Jul 01, 2014 10:22 pm

Well, sometimes I lie because I don't want to share my personal life with my friends.

Dollar Bits
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Dollar Bits » Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:10 pm

HomerJ wrote:
sscritic wrote:Now you google your own address. How many sources did you find for what you paid for your house?
Ugh, I hate that picture of my house when I google my address... It's from like 4 years ago when my yard looked terrible... :)
Our pic is several years old too.... My wife and I were walking in our neighborhood several months ago and the Google Maps vehicle drove by! So where's the new update with us walking around? We haven't seen an update yet...

Dollar Bits
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Dollar Bits » Tue Jul 01, 2014 11:13 pm

letsgobobby wrote:Generally I don't talk money with friends so I don't have to lie, but agree it gets a little uncomfortable when acquaintances go on and on about how tough things are, how bad the economy is, how the stock market is rigged, especially when they have no reason not to be participating in the wealth accumulation that is occurring. I just nod my head and act bored til they move on to the Seahawks or the weather.

I have one good friend, a CFP, and we had to make sure we had roughly compatible views of finances in order to stay friends. He charges 1% AUM and is a thoughtful and well-meaning guy, and he learned I wasn't a stock picker or trend chaser, but beyond that we don't talk money. However, we do talk goals sometimes because we share similar interests so we ski together and hike together, etc, and I know he's financially savvy and has goals/dreams that we can relate to. So we talk about wanting to get a cabin, etc. But not dollars and cents specifically. I wouldn't feel a need to lie to him and he would never intrude, but if he did get too personal i would be direct with him and tell him where my boundaries were.

A coworker once asked how much I paid for a house but I think that was a cultural thing on her part, she's a naturalized American. I never answer this question because for those so motivated, Zillow can provide you the answer without me telling it to you.

Like others here I am asked by my colleagues quite often for financial advice (life insurance, retirement plans, etc) and am happy to do that with the usual caveats (not professional advice, etc) but we don't talk my money. Only theirs. :D
Well said.... A while back, a close friend landed a job as a broker with a major Wall St Firm. I knew he was going to ask me to become his client. Anytime it appeared that the topic was about to come up, I'd change the subject and move on to sports talk! Go Kings Go! :D

yolli71
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by yolli71 » Wed Jul 02, 2014 8:32 pm

I wouldn't say I "lie," but I'm selective about the info I provide. I'm very open about my salary b/c most of my friends make more than me and I'm a federal employee (where finding that out would be pretty easy anyway). What I don't tell is how much I "have" due to my savings. I'm sure that would surprise most of my friends especially since I don't make as much money as they do. People may ask about your salary or how much you owe (on your mortgage, cars, student loans, etc.), but people rarely ever ask how much you have (i.e., net worth).

talzara
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by talzara » Wed Jul 02, 2014 11:53 pm

Spirit Rider wrote: On a related note: I am amazed by how many people come on a public forum (Bogleheads) and give actual amounts. There is an exceedingly rare case when the actual amount matters. Almost all cases can be served with just providing percentages.
Do you believe that most people are giving actual amounts?

It's easy enough to multiply everything by 2.73 and then round off. This doesn't work for tax questions, but it works for most asset allocation questions. Since you multiplied everything by the same number, all the percentages are correct. Nobody knows that you multiplied by 2.73 rather than 1.58 or some other number.

Helloeeze
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Helloeeze » Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:46 am

My best friend for 25 years is a woman who is constantly fretting about her lack of money. Through a series of bad investments and extremely poor judgment, she and her husband have basically lost every penny they had. They are over 60 years old.

It is very hard to talk about spending money on trips or how the stock market has gone up, how we are remodeling the bathroom, when they are hurting so much.

I have even been tempted to help with money, since they have been our best friends for 25 years, and both me and my husband always love to help out causes, but we keep seeing the "stinkin thinkin" that got her into this mess, i e., refusing to acknowledge you can't spend money on things and continuing to be lured into Multi-Level Marketing schemes, borrowing money for a quick fix, not being honest about money. Both myself and my husband have agreed to let circumstances bring them to a level where they are humbled and can learn something, since they never seem to take any advice I give and never ask for it anyway.

It's mostly her doing. The husband is a victim.

So they are constantly talking their numbers and we have to keep silent about our numbers (which we would do anyway) and try to be supportive but, wow, amazing how someone could be so imprudent.

rleonardh
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by rleonardh » Thu Jul 03, 2014 5:25 am

How about buying some books for them.

Something to do with personal fiance, ex: Dave Ramsey
Something to with investing, ex: anything that is Bogleheaded

Tell them it helped you guys out. You can never help people that don't want to be helped. But, sometimes a gentle push can go a long way.

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wander
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by wander » Thu Jul 03, 2014 5:55 am

Yes, I do lie if it makes people feel comfortable. I cannot say I am better than average if the guy I am talking with is broke.

crg11
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by crg11 » Thu Jul 03, 2014 6:38 am

I may mention a milestone such as paying off a car, but that's about it. If someone asks how we're doing financially, I'll say we are making ends meet and getting ahead on some of our debt. If they ask more, I'll mention a few books I've read and if they continue to be interested, explain some of the Bogleheads philosophy.

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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by XtremeSki2001 » Thu Jul 03, 2014 10:04 am

pennstater2005 wrote:I avoid finance discussions such as that like the plague.
+1

I keep my comments very vague and general when this stuff comes up. I'll say something general like "I know what you mean" and "it's tough to spend less then you make when all these things need to be paid for". I keep other comments to myself unless asked specifically for advice.

Some of my closer friends have concluded we're "rich" or "well off" because we don't say anything about our finances. We let them assume what they will, but the truth is we are just frugal (not cheap).
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Quotia
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Quotia » Thu Jul 03, 2014 12:51 pm

Like many others, I tend not to get into these sorts of conversations. If I do, I talk in generalities, never specifics (and never numbers).

At the same time, though, anyone with a little time on their hands could find out quite a lot about me online, including how much we paid for our house and my income (govt. employee).

In my family, we tend to keep conversations vague unless necessary. So, my grandfather had a "state of my finances" conversation with the kids and grandkids on his 90th birthday so we would not worry, but I don't know how much my parents make - nor do they know how much I make.

My husband's family is very different, and they have very thorough conversations about financial matters. My in-laws know how much we make, how much we paid for our house, how much I paid for my car, how much we have saved up for retirement right now, etc. And my husbands knows the same kind of details about them. It's not the way I prefer to do things, but after almost 20 years, I'm used to it by now.

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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by jlawrence01 » Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:41 pm

As a GENERAL RULE, I do not give out a lot of financial information or financial advice. I like to keep as much of my life confidential as possible.

I share financial information with my wife, who will be my beneficiary and probably outlive me by thirty years or more. Since all assets are commonly held, it works better when everything is completely transparent.

My father does know my financial standing since I have nearly exactly copied what he has done the past 60+ years. In some respects, he sees it as validation that at least on of us learned something from him.

I do not talk money with coworkers. I did have one guy ask me and place a guess on my net worth that was remarkably close. I do have a lot of people asking me general questions and I will answer them as I am probably one of the few CPAs they know.

rec7
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by rec7 » Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:46 pm

[/quote]


Some of my closer friends have concluded we're "rich" or "well off" because we don't say anything about our finances. We let them assume what they will, but the truth is we are just frugal (not cheap).[/quote]

It is a funny what can happen to the secretive people out there. But very true.

SurfCityBill
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by SurfCityBill » Thu Jul 03, 2014 3:19 pm

I enjoy discussing financial topics the way some people enjoy sports. The problem is most people don't find financial topics interesting or they perceive people that do express an interest either as bragging or intrusive. When discussing these topics I always stick with generalities, no $ amounts, etc, but I've learned for the most part to keep my mouth shut and only engage when engaged first.

Here's a related topic just recently posted.

http://www.bogleheads.org/forum/viewtop ... 2&t=142039

Boglegrappler
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by Boglegrappler » Thu Jul 03, 2014 4:08 pm

My best friend for 25 years is a woman who is constantly fretting about her lack of money. Through a series of bad investments and extremely poor judgment, she and her husband have basically lost every penny they had. They are over 60 years old.
There have always been such cases, but I think there are going to be more in the upcoming years. It seems to me that there is this underlying wishful thinking that circulates, the gist of which is that somehow "investing" or finding the right deal to "get in on" will make up for a lifetime of excessive consumption and inadequate savings. When you get the to point where the income from the job stops or gets reduced materially, all of a sudden the numbers don't work out.

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LadyGeek
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by LadyGeek » Thu Jul 03, 2014 7:30 pm

This thread is now in the Personal Finance (Not Investing) forum (financial planning, from a different perspective).
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tainted-meat
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by tainted-meat » Thu Jul 03, 2014 7:32 pm

Instead of lying, why don't you tell them good practices to get above water.

I don't get why some folks are so weird about money???

OhioBanker
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by OhioBanker » Thu Jul 03, 2014 7:53 pm

As a banker, I think people are more inclined to open up to me about their situation because they feel more comfortable asking me advice.

However, there are very few people I give my own specifics to.

But I am extremely up front about my investing style and have told numerous people about this website and methodology.

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TimeRunner
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by TimeRunner » Thu Jul 03, 2014 8:24 pm

Mom taught me to say: "Oh, talking about money - it's all sooo boring." Hehhehheh....
One cannot enlighten the unconscious.

BigTom
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Re: do you lie about your finances to friends

Post by BigTom » Fri Jul 04, 2014 5:58 am

rleonardh wrote:Why lie to him??

Tell him about some people like Dave Ramesy and Bogleheads.

Teach him how to get out of the "doom" he is in. :sharebeer
I would guess if they are good friends , you would want to help them . I wold do the above . You don't have to go into the numbers in detail to say, I paid x amount of money in x amount of time I think you can do it , here is how .

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